New Meta Thread
Board owner here i decided to make a brand new meta thread because the other one was old and almost a year old although i am getting sick of making these so i may just make this thread permanent. Feel free to leave any suggestions comments complaints criticisms or concerns you may have about the board.. I will try to respond to every post as possible thank you all once again for your feedback.
Welcome to /hikki/
Welcome to /hikki/ a place for reclusive adolescents or adults who withdraw from society.
What is allowed on this board? What is its purpose?
On this board you can discuss and request or give advice regarding the Hikikomori lifestyle anxieties and social or mental issues arising from these conditions of living and also post general hikikomori discussion If you're content with being a hikikomori that's ok, and you won't get in trouble for saying so.
What is not allowed on this board?.
Rule 1. Please do not encourage anyone to become a hikikomori
Rule 2. Do not bully or harass someone simply for being a hikikomori
Rule 3. Keep trolling to a minimum (No flames)
Rule 4. Do not help others to plan or commit suicide suicide threads are fine but it is better to give advice rather than to lead the person on.
Rule 5. No topics not related to this board please take your religion and politics elsewhere this board is a support community for English speaking hikikomori to help each other out of their bedrooms
Rule 6. Encouraging any kind of drug use
Rule 7. Giving or requesting advice on how to become a hikikomori
Rule 8. No Shitposting please be respectful and be genuine with your post /hikki/ is a slow traffic board for true hikikomoris to have a place to talk and nothing more.
Rule 9. Always check the catalog before creating a new thread, do not create a new thread asking for things that simply don't deserve a whole new thread dedicated to them and please remember to keep certain discussions in their containment threads
Rule 10. You must be a hikikomori or have been a hikikomori to post here
And All 8chan global rules apply
1: Nothing illegal under US law.
2. No suggestive images of real children.
3. No flooding/spamming for the purpose of advertisement.
A non-Hikikomori asking why Hikiomoris have chosen this life style.
Hi all, I'm your average person, I work a normal job and earn a normal income, I own a normal house, have normal friends, trying to get a normal car and GF, but no luck so far. I've come to ask what compels someone to put themselves in situation of complete and utter isolation/become a real life hermit. I understand not all Hikikomoris are complete losers, as some have a way of making money at home through programming, art commissions, etc some even have degrees from good universities. I would just like to know why you have all chosen to separate yourself from society. Please don't ban me just yet, I'm just curious.
P.S. I failed the Capcha to post this 2 times, does this mean I'm a robot?
Impossible to do anything
I have stagnated since I was 10. I stopped going to school as much. My time and days in class dwindled over the next few years. I completely dropped out in high school. I have not sudied anything, just continued stagnating. I am unanble to learn or do anything. What the fuck am I supposed to do
Goodbye /hikki/
Hey there! I hope that if you're reading this you're a fellow neet that felt nostalgia for this place, it wasn't high-paced, or extremely active like other boards but… but it was ours.
We had interesting discussions, we shared our knowledge, and we could bent out.
But /hikki/ is gone, no one is here anymore, and if you see someone is probably just some rando that stumbled with /hikki/s corpse.
It was fun, and I hope we can chat once again.
Goodbye
Language degradation
The worst thing for me as a hikki is that I am slowing but steadily un-learning my own native language.
English isn't my native language, it's German. I have no social contacts, no friends, no one, I don't even really talk to my family (rarely only). I don't have online friends either. 90% of all "conversations" I have are posting in English on 4chan (full of fucking normies though) or 8ch.
I can't say a full sentence in German without stuttering, and fucking up the tone and stress of the words. I also struggle remembering words, and sometimes I mess up the more complicated grammatical structures.
It goes without saying that the same applies to English, since I only ever write English and never speak it out loud.
I feel like a foreigner in my own country.
New /hikki/
The board is officially moving. https://zzzchan.xyz/hikki/catalog.html
this board has no one moderating it so thats why it has just turned into cuckchan posters spamming.
Education
Where did you leave off on education before you become hikikomori? I got multiple scholarships to pay for all my schooling and still ended up this way one day I just decided not to leave my room. Are most like this where at one point you were thought of as smart.
Moving on from Hikikomori
I know most of the users on here don't want to change and some are happy and content with being a hikikomori but i have a question for those who are recovering hikkis what are you doing to fix your situation?? and do you think you will succeed in the outside world or just go back to being a hikki again??.
Also question for other current hikkis have you ever tried to reintegrate back into society??. I've tried many times in the past but was always met with hostility so i gave up on even trying.
Ways to spend time
What are your favorite hobbies/things to do to pass time?
I mostly used vidya to pass time but they are starting to lose their fun and i don't know how long it will take until i get completly bored of them so i was thinking of finding at least a bit of a replacement for it
Alright
We tried remaking /hikki/ on 8moe but we gave that up after awhile, we decided to make a shitcord so when we actually remake the board you will know as soon as it’s made. It has a vetting process to filter the halfchan R9k normalfags who started posting there shitcords here. jZnbJMnNBG
If you can’t already tell this board is dead and we don’t plan on reviving it here
Any advices please !!!!
I'm neet for 3 years now
I was born poor in Africa even worse I'm arab
I don't even have my own room
It's getting worse every weak .. nothing is working for me .. nothing just pain everyday my family thinks I'm retard
Ima about to lost my fuckin mind
What should i do ? What I want to do ?
I don't know .. is god enjoy watching me suffering ?
I can't stand having friends, even online
I met a guy a month ago playing Fortnite. At first I thought he'd just be another guy I'd play with sometimes, nothing more. But then he started to try to get to know me and shared some of his personal life to me, like his health issues, religious and political views, etc, things that "friends" would begin to share, I suppose. But he came off as clingy, as he showed me this MMO he was trying to get more friends to play with. I told him it looks interesting and that I might buy it in a week and then he went off and gifted it to me.
It was a nice gesture but now I was obligated to play it with him. And I already started feeling obligated to hang out with the guy with him telling me of his failing liver, and other personal shit. I just don't want any of that. I don't have any friends IRL, and the "friends" I do have online I'd like to keep as just "people I play with", nothing more.
But shit, I've decided to delete my account and move one once again. I don't have the heart to just delete people so I often create new accounts and start fresh again. Maybe this time I can be really cautious about the people I add. I'm glad I have the ability to "start again" infinitely online. No wonder people are miserable IRL with friends and the "complexity" of their relationships.
intervention
mom and her boyfriend took me out today to have breakfast, which is the first time I have been out in public since god knows how long. They tried to have a discussion with me about what I plan to do in the future and whatnot, and also why some of my behavior is "problematic". Idk, what's the truth, how much is me trying to cope with this, or if they were bullshitting with me and pretending like they are trying to be good parents. anyone have similar experiences?
share hikki lifehacks, tips and tricks
hikikomori life can be very stale due to the development of a deep-seated daily routine and years can pass until you realize doing something differently could have helped you avoid a lot of discomfort and troubles.
i would like us to share some of these realizations we have made so far that significantly improved our quality of life.
Fake Hikikomori
I am surprised we haven't had a thread about this topic yet and didn't have one earlier when the board was first created. What are your guys thoughts on the people on other imageboards and social media who self identify as hikikomori or proudly call themselves hikikomori despite the fact that they don't fit the Japanese definition leave their homes to go to school and a job and have social interactions outside the home willingly on a regular bases? Personally i think these people are just attention seeking and are not actually suffering with an actual mental disorder caused by social factors which is what hikikomori actually is there is a huge difference between someone who is an actual hikikomori and someone who watched Welcome To The NHk or Hikikomori Loveless and thought it was a cool lifestyle choice.
I used to be normal
I've always had anxiety growing up. When I got a job, is when I realized it wasn't normal like other people and was severe enough for me to need to self medicate. So I did that for a looong time. in 2012-13, I lost my aunt and then my mother a few months later. It's what finally prompted me to seek medical help. I was fine till about 2016 when I realized that I was set up. All of a sudden, strangers were following me, saying things that no one else would know. I learned after looking for answers that I what people called a Targeted Individual.
I've since tried working, but the harassment from people is on every aspect of my life. At first you think you just have bad luck, but when you realize what is happening they make it more obvious to you. I've since developed agoraphobia from the ptsd. A year after 2016, I was suddenly hit with artificial voices, shocks to my body, artificial rape, dream manipulation. Literally everything enough to make someone go insane. I mention this because I just wanted to let some people here realize that schizophrenia may not even exist. There is a program gov contractors are putting people in to make their lives a living hell. To all of you living this life, I am sorry for what you've suffered through, this shit is quite literally hell on earth.
Edgy bullshit but it's true
I wish I was a psychopath. Then I would feel no emotion. I wouldn't feel it when people look at me with contempt. I wouldn't feel it when everyone around me has a girlfriend and I'm still single. I wouldn't feel it when they look down on me as if I were a child that needed to be sheltered. I wouldn't feel it when my phone rings. I wouldn't feel it when it hits me and I realize how many years have passed since I've done anything of substance. I wouldn't care that I have no money. I wouldn't physically cringe at things I've done in the past 3x a day.
If I were a psychopath, I could probably get back into life and work my way up. I could be happy, but at the price of what? Chemical reactions? I think I'd like the idea of being happy, over actually feeling happy. Besides, it's much better than the almost constant numbing pain I get now. But this is just wishful thinking. In real life, I feel too much. I feel far too much.
I've tried to kill my emotions. Drug dependence ends up hurting you more in the long run. I wonder if there's a way to train your mind to feel no emotions. My mind is my own worst enemy.
30+ Hikikomori Thread
I am wonder how many hikkis on this board are 30+
The media attention on us hikikomori has escalated dramatically in the last 20 or so years, but a lot of the people who talk about it or research say that there have been hikkis since the 1980s.
I have seen one elder hikki, who is supposedly over 60 years old. I am wondering if there are more hikkis here over 30. The statistics say that a lot of hikkis are older, like 30-45. So what is it like for you?. Do you get used to it after awhile? I always imagine that a hikikomori is someone who uses the internet constantly. I can't imagine what it was like to be a hikki before internet existed.
DEPTHS OF INSANITY
i've been a hikki so long that my mind feels so hollow.
been hikki since after highschool in 2011, still a hikki in 2019, became "normal" for about 9 months, 2 years ago, basically just went out to walmart and alcohol stores to buy shit, few restaurants, couldn't handle being around people, from simple things as that, went straight back to my room.
i'm a shell of my former self from this extreme isolation. Can't even communicate with people, unless its on a pc. completely fucked my self. the personality that was formed from this, makes it impossible to ever have a long term job.
after about 4 years of watching anime and tv shows, it becomes boring, and you lose almost all interest in all the things you've once loved to do. in this stage of being a hikki, you can't help but reflect on this shithole we call a life, making you 100x more depressed then what you were already.
i never thought i'd be a hikki for this long. feels bad
what year are you guys at?
Dealing with Death
I had ECT (electric compulsive therapy) a year ago, and when I was constantly having to go under anesthesia twice a week during treatment, I began to develop a fear of experiencing death or unconsciousness later on. I have panic attacks during night thinking about it and its unnerving and torturous.
The thing that scares me about being unconscious forever or dying itself is the thought of losing your memories and experiences you had in life. It sounds gay because everyone here has had their own traumatizing experiences as well as depression throughout their life, and I'm no different- but I'm scared of losing the experiences I had with the 'good' parts of life, even if they're really small. I treasure these things more than anything in the fucking world; like anime. I don't have a waifu because I can't commit to one character, but I never ever want to forget my favorite characters, or forget my favorite anime series. I don't know how to properly express my love of my favorite series into words properly, I hope people who also love anime can understand what I'm saying (also sorry if I sounded like a faggot).
Also I know that anime is this corporate money-making bullshit and maybe I'm being too attached to this- I don't really know with the garbage I see around the world.
And everyone dies alone- only once in a blue moon can some married couple properly die together. I gave up on making friends decades ago or try to interact with society. And to be honest, I want to die after my parents die because being a wrinkling vegetable in bed all day, or being in a nursing home where everything abuses you is frightening and I would rather die while I can still lift a gun up my head.
It doesn't help that I've never been religious in my life either, and its hard for me to be optimistic in general.
Do other hikkis feel the same about this? I know suicide comes up often here and some seem to be comfortable with dying- but as living creatures that try to avoid death, I doubt that there's no strong sense of fear that everyone experiences seconds before they die.
Also are there ways to reduce this anxiety? Sorry for begging, but do anons know any books/resources to help deal with this?
Interesting Links Thread
Since the majority of us on here are currently living as hikikomoris and most hikkis spend most of their time online i thought we could have a thread where we share any interesting links we have come across recently.
ITT Share any interesting links you have came across recently books movies music whatever Rules 3. and 8. still apply as well as all 8chan global rules.
Generating an income while being a hikki
Any anon here figure out a way to make some money without going out to your house? I tried looking for a job but I'm only qualified for a service industry which required a lot of interacting with peoples (I did worked for 3 months but I quit because I couldn't get along with my co-workers and having trouble talking to customer). I'm not asking much in term of payment, just enough to pay the bills and food. I live with my parents, I dont have any student debt or car's loan, I'm happy if I could make $500 a month just from the comfort of my bedroom.
Dreams
Over the past few months I have been having recurring dreams of myself being a normal person again and living a normal life like I should be.
At the end of this dream whenever I have it though, everyone in it turns against me and I am surrounded in darkness again. Its as if the people I dream about are only using me for something and they lead me on to just crush me in the end.
What do you guys dream about, if you do dream?
Reparing Will and Attention span.
Has anyone here successfully repaired their will and attention span?
I'm talking from not even being able to focus on one thing for 3 minutes at a time to someone who can focus for 25+ minutes.
Hikki's occasionally talk about their wrecked attention spans, but has anyone ever fixed their attention span and how did you accomplish that?
Introspection & Self discovery
Since NEETS are mostly introverts and spend all the time with their own thoughts (duh) I thought it would be interesting to do some personality tests with my fellow hikkis for fun:
https://www.psychologistworld.com/tests/jung-archetype-quiz
http://www.soulcraft.co/essays/the_12_common_archetypes.html (to better understand that these even mean)
https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test
http://www.easydamus.com/character.html
My results:
Self archetype - Magician
Persona archetype - Magician
INFJ - Advocate
True Neutral Human Bard (1st Level)
Ability Scores:
Strength- 13
Dexterity- 12
Constitution- 11
Intelligence- 12
Wisdom- 13
Charisma- 10
I'm the biggest loser on the planet
I feel like I'm the biggest loser on the planet. In my life I met many shy people that had trouble socializing but no one was ever even close to being on my level. I may not be the person with the most social anxiety on the planet but it wouldn't surprise me if I was in the top 100. I'm so awkward I can't even interact with my mother or my other family members. suicide might be a pussy move when there's a chance that your life will get better, but when you're like me it's the only reasonable thing to do. I don't know what comes after this life but if there's an hell I'm not afraid of going there. I doubt it could be much more painful than my current existence. At least there only god would judge me. I wouldn't have to deal with my family's stares and their opinions about me. I wouldn't have to deal with the shame that is my existence.
daily routine
so what about making a thread under the topic of the day routine
can I start my fellow hikkis, the one true fact which we all share it together is that we have no sense of time or even the days all the days we live is one day repeat itself over and over for months now
my day starts with
>eat some junk filthy food or whatsoever I'm going to find in the fridge
>take a shit, and a shower only if I felt like wanting it
siting on my lap, before I sitting while I'm on the path I keep on telling myself that I will do something positive today, but eventually it turning out to be hours of surfing on image boards instead of learning a little of the language as I decided, watching anime might be the only positive thing since I watching it dubbed and subed into the language which I want to learn as well as surfing on imageboards in fact I'm able to write this thread due to my months of lurking here and there due to the language which I want and wish to start learning is English
>fabbing more than 3-4 times
>eat something
>sleep at at least 3pm and wake up again 12Am and repeat
If you want some help in your hobbies such as if you somehow want to start some thing but you struggling as me to know where and how to start you can ask about it here and wish the other hikkis help you including me as well they might give me some tips in order to help me improve this language, though since they're natives I will go fuck myself somewhere I'm pretty sure, also how can I know my level?
What is it all for?
Ive always wanted to be a filmmaker but i recently i dont see a point in doing anything anymore. I dont really desire anything anymore besides not starving or being tortured to death and i basically have those two. i feel like im jus being endlessly entertained with no stop and its so boring and makes me sick and i feel like i have to do something worthwhile.. but i dont have a reason to is what Im saying, say i exercise to stay healthy, eat good, talk to friends, maybe volunteer to help some people (feels kind of masochistic in a way wanting to work but thats beside the point kinda), write a screenplay, even get a gf to fuck everyday, i think id still feel like im missing something in life
What time of year do you dislike the most hikkis?
Well it's coming to up to that time of year where I will wake up in a pool of sweat every morning and have asshole neighbors blasting their horrid music while they get drunk.
What time of year do you dislike the most hikkis? for me it's definitely summer with the armies of bugs that will invade my house the sleepless nights due to the heat and the idiots who go into overdrive as soon as it gets hotter.
Loneliness
Are you content with being alone? Do you have any online (friends/)contacts which you occasionally talk to? If not, is it a conscious choice or is it more like you're unable to find someone? What are you all doing against loneliness? It gets tiring when you've nobody to talk to for long periods (1 year or more). The things you do are just repeated that you've did already at a previous point in your life ad infinitum, i.e it's a hopeless cycle without escape. That brings me to my next point, have you considered killing yourself because of that, to escape this damned cycle? I just wish my life wouldn't be boring, anime, movies and other things get old very fast because you've seen the best already and at a later point even "hidden gems" my seem boring due to you knowing of a similar scenario already. Even if I had the perfect live, I probably still would feel dissatisfied… There's just no fun in the world like in fiction.
Parents
Do you blame your parents for you becoming a hikikomori?. Or are you thankful that they are supportive in providing you with whatever you need in your isolation?.
For me i have mixed feelings on one hand i'm very thankful of them for being supportive in providing me with whatever i need in my isolation while on the other hand i'm angry at them because they pressured me too much growing up to follow society's rules and expectations and their own expectations as well and they still do it to this day . I'm also angry that they never took the time to sit down listen to me and hear me out and ask me how are you feeling?? or what's wrong?? and so on.
What is your relationship with your parents like? also do you communicate with your parents or are you completely withdrawn from your family as well?.
I'm in limbo
So after failing highschool at 19 i became a hikki. Now 23, i have wasted all those years on games and youtube. There's nowhere to go, and nothing to do or look forward to… I just wake up, eat, get on the internet, sleep. Same cycle every day. I eat only once a day to save my mother money, hoping that she would somehow see me less of a leech that way. I have been diagnosed and prescribed meds for OCD at 15, which i took initially but ultimately abandoned treatment. Also i am fairly certain i have social anxiety too. Despite learning about OCD, i just can't seem to tell with certainty that i have it. Gone to psychiatrists twice, they were of no help. Each just sat there eyeballing me, expecting me to tell them everything without screening. Social anxiety kicks in, i forget what i wanted to say, and by the end of it i doubt his opinion and competence. So, i have been wondering for a year now Do i have OCD or do i not? What should i do? Each day not having reached an answer i carry over the problem to the next day.
I don't… Anyone going through similar situation or is it just me??
Here's a morbid hypothesis of mine: Agree or Disagree?
I am reading Scott Adam's Win Bigly book and I chance upon this section:
> Evolution doesn't care if you see the world for what it is. It only cares that you make more of yourself.
I ended up typing this "hypothesis" but I am not sure if you guys would agree or disagree.
"If you twist it around, you could say hikikomori communities produce hikkis anyway despite someone living an isolated lifestyle and even for those who stay offline - the lifestyle would theoretically create a tug of war between people who want more people to socialize so they will "free" the hikikomori or they will look down upon the hikikomori so that they can "judge" the hikikomori among peers (increasing companionship which increases the chance of mating and being seen as successful) or the hikikomori can succeed and the people who know about the hikikomori's success can be influenced to tolerate/communicate/mate/join the hikki thus the isolationist lifestyle actually leads to a more truer and purer social friendship than the friendships and mating rituals developed by the common outside world which has been diluted by social media and walled societies. Just a hypothesis of mine."
I haven't fleshed out the idea that's why I am searching for criticisms or agreements regarding the concept.
As to why it interests me, I sort of wonder if this is a clue to curing the depressed days of a hikki.
That there's some evolutionary purpose to why we chose this lifestyle. That it's not as many feel "an unnatural way of living".
I Can't Remember Anything
It's as if the past ten years never really happened. It's like I've just been sleeping - dreaming through life, and now it's all just a hazy, disjointed memory. I can remember things prior to 2007 with near autistic precision, but everything beyond that is just a sparsely populated void. Nothing to remember, because there's been nothing 'worth remembering - nothing except all of the things I'd rather forget.
Going Outside
Do any of you guys actually leave your homes/rooms despite the fact that you are shut away from society? If yes what do you leave for? i only leave to get groceries once a month and every once in awhile i will walk to the Mcdonald's by my house and get it to go.
Suicide Thread
Have any other hikkis here ever thought of or tried to commit suicide in the past??. It's been 10 years almost 11 and almost nothing i do makes me happy anymore and i have little to no motivation to do anything with my time spent in isolation anymore. I've tried asking people online about working from home but most people say that's not realistic and that i should just go outside and get over it. I honestly can't take it anymore and if i don't find anything to help motivate myself soon suicide seems like a good option i guess. But i would be a lot happier if i could just earn some money without leaving my room or having the motivation to at least do something instead of feeling like i'm completely drained of life to be honest i'm crying while typing this and i can't take it anymore can any other hikkis relate??.
Alcohol or none?
So I have been living at my parents house for about a year and a half now. I'm old, old compared to most hikkis here, and I have also lived a bit. I've been playing a lot of pokemon, I recently bought all the old GBA games and connectors, DS, pokemon bank etc. I wanted to get a living dex on my own, but there is a nagging internal feeling.
I'm drunk right now. I used to go to a lot of AA meetings, but honestly I wanted to see if I should live my life with alcohol or without it. I went to an AA meeting before I went to the bar. All I know is that it is very very powerful. Alcohol changes your whole way of existing. Well I got drunk. Blessings to everyone here, it's very painful to be alone, i would be surprised if there were a greater pain. I wish you all well.
Disassociation?
I'm not really part of the world, of society. I'm just a sort of passive viewer of life, not really engaged with any of it. At most I'll post on an imageboard or talk on IRC, but beyond that I'm nowhere except in a book. And Lately I've felt disassociated from everything. For example, I can't watch any visual media, be it a movie, show, video game, or an anime due to the fact that not only do the interactions seem contrived but they're also so absurd, they don't feel real in any sense. Everything I see seems like a parody, every person I encounter (online usually) that acts emotionally I'm so surprised by it I feel like it itself is a show, an act, and I can't possibly understand them. I'm slowly losing the ability to connect with people, be it online or in some visual media. My saving grace is books where characters feel the most real, and the subject matter interesting. Why do my books seem more real than what surrounds me?
Do you feel as detached from everything as me? It's not "everything is meaningless" as in nihilism but there's just this overwhelming sense of a loss of understanding, of people seemingly completely alien and foreign, where it's just you with your anxiety isolated from any interaction that would give you a kind of human connection, be that online discourse or visual media. I don't know if this is a problem really, or just a concluding state due to the nature of hikikomori isolation. I've been a hikki for 3 or 4 years now, but this past month something drastically changed for no apparent reason. My medication is stable, there hasn't been any life-changing events, I have money (SSI), so I don't know what happened but I'm disconnected. You?
Fiction
Lets recommend fiction where there's a strong theme of social isolation, solitude, avoidant inclinations, alienation etc. So far these books, which I've yet to buy (but will have by christmas), seem to meet the criteria (feel free to openly judge):
>Frankenstein by Mary Shelley
>Child of God by Cormac McCarthy
>The Tartar Steppe by Dino Buzzati
>No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai
>Deadeye Dick: A Novel by Kurt Vonnegut
>The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka
>Nausea by Jean-Paul Sartre
>Steppenwolf: A Novel by Hermann Hesse
> Hunger by Knut Hamsun
Perhaps over time we hikkis could create our own chart full of recommended books that deal with our world.
This is slowly killing me
I'm literally losing my mind like i can't enjoy anything ever not one piece of media or anything that other hikkis enjoy and i'm just spending my days trying to find something that i can enjoy instead of enjoying something. I just literally dropped an anime half way after getting sick of it..
Buying things online
Do any other hikkis on here buy stuff online like food things you collect movies clothes or whatever?? I buy stuff off of Amazon and currently i am trying to setup an Ebay account has anyone here had any trouble with online shopping such as having your identity stolen??.
Also ITT Post and discuss things you bought online.
/hikki/ Health Problems Thread
What are some of the physical and mental issues that have arisen from your time spent in isolation?? for me it's the following.
>Back pain
>Weak bland muscles
>Depression
>Mild agoraphobia
>Social anxiety
>Pedophilia
>Feel tired all the time (Except at night)
>Constantly masturbaiting and addicted to porn
>Bad eating habits
>Blurry vision
>Suicidal tendencies
>Lack of vitamin D
>Allergic to my own sweat
>I start itching every time i go outside for food
>Weight loss
>Anger issues
What are some of the physical and mental issues you guys deal with while being hikikomori??.
What's your longest time without going outside your house?
I've been a hikki for 7 years now and nothing changes. For 5 years straight i never left my room. Start of 2017 i was basically forced out of my room, i was half living with my mom half living with my dad for 9 months. Eventually got my first ID. Passed written drivers test to obtain a permit. After that i just went right back to being a full on hikki, never even took the driver part of the test, didn't even drive a car, ever. That was around 7 months ago now.
I don't know why my mom or step dad don't even bother with trying to get me out of the house. I went to Christmas with my family for the first time in years. It's been so long that my aunts children grew up and one of them didn't even know who i was. lol
Thinking about that just makes me cringe to the point i wanna kill my self.
Being a productive hikki?
Being a hikki I've basically done nothing but watch porn and play vidya it feels like. I'd like to do interesting things given my situation so I've installed ubuntu and started to learn emacs lisp. I think quitting porn is the hardest right now, the reason I'm trying is I want to be able to focus and have willpower essentially, which means discipline. And I'd like to get back into reading. I've had Dostoevsky sitting on my desk for about 2 years and have only read 2 chapters, that's sad.
What are you doing?
I got no where else to be in, where I can just have a chat with anyone who is an actual hikikomori, without being judgmental. I've tried the discord servers, hikkichan, etc. But it all failed. Especially since there are people who are not actually hikikomori. They tend to look down on you and mock to no end. Is there anyone out there who is a real, true hikikomori? One who doesn't have a job, not going to college, and not even in a relationship?
question for older hikkis
I always see on hikki/ hikkineet forums people say things like "I don't know what I'm going to do when my parents/grandparents/SO/financial support dies" but I'm wondering, has anyone had their main source of support die? What DID you do? Were you forced to reintegrate? Suicide attempt? What happened?
Changing as a person while being a Hikikomori.
A large issue for me is various repeating thought patterns that make me sad. I also have unhealthy habits, but I can change those with enough time (usually 6 months to a year for me to change them, such as sleeping at bad times)
My question for /hikki/, how do you change who you are a person "on the inside," I don't want to make myself miserable anymore. I have many character traits and thoughts I do not want anymore. Some are new and some are very old.
How do you guys change your thought patterns/who you are whilst not going outside and being forced into new situations.
Is it even possible?
What to do/Spend money on?
So right now I have the equivalent of 400 dollars. Several months ago I payed that money for a service that I never utilized so I just got a refund.
I'm thinking what I can spend it on.
I'm content with my current computer hardware so an upgrade is unnecessary.
I was thinking of buying some video game console, but I'm afraid I might lose interest (like it's usual) and stop using it.
I'm no longer super interested in anime and only watch occasionally so I don't want any waifu figures.
I want ideas anons! What would you spend the money on?
Yes, I could just save it, but I don't want to.
Any of you diagnosed?
About 2 weeks ago I got diagnosed with social phobia and bipolar. Only reason I finally got diagnosed was my mom insisted she come with me to an appointment that was originally just for medication (insomnia).
At 20 years old, it doesn't change much and I wasn't surprised at all. The psychologist also said I have some characteristics of autism, which was pretty amusing.
I've been playing fortnite nonstop, how about you?
Family encounter story Thread
So this has happened to me many times before.
>Leave room for a second to go use the bathroom
>Cross paths with family member in the hallway
>Get scolded for being a failure
>Go back to room
>Mad with rage
Has this ever happened to any other hikkis before??.
Point of no return?
What do you think the point of no return is for us?
How long do we need to be in our rooms for it to be too late to rejoin society when our family dies? I can see no other path other than getting neetbuxs, if that's even possible for me. Otherwise being homeless is my destiny.
Stress
How do you not feel stress? I have been hikki/neet for two years last few months everything gets me mad I can't play games listen to music or even browse chan boards lately without feeling some sort of stress. It's getting to the point where I am more patchy than my father and just pushing my hands through my hair leads to hair coming out. I have even lost about eighteen pounds but eat without being conscious of health or working out. How to calm down?
Things you've learned and put into practice
It's often that hikki and NEET talk about learning things and becoming smarter while being shut in. I fell for this mindset too but in hindsight it was shallow and pseudo-intellectual garbage. I went through a science/STEM atheism neckbeard phase.
I did the programming thing for years but didn't advance far enough to be able to do real world things with it. Now I have lost the drive to learn more. The idea that all technology is fun no longer appeals to me because it's impossible to know everything. Only a surface level knowledge of many things is not useful. I lack the focus and intelligence to get deep into a topic like become proficient at solving those hard programming tests on leetcode or hackerrank.
I learned a bit of some obscure language (but now forgotten it). I was able to watch Youtube videos at slow speed and understand basic things. It was never put into practice because people who use that language are so rare. It's also useless to me anyways on account of the whole shut in thing. I won't be using it in real life ever.
So ultimately what did I spend time on these things for. I have lost faith in the self learning thing.
What things have you learned that you have been able to put into practice?
Ever been committed?
My mom is starting to push the idea of being committed. So much so that she's going with me on my medication appointment. I'm kind of open to the idea as it'd allow me to get neetbux a bit easier but I doubt it's actual usefulness. I'll just get drugged out of my mind for 3-4 days.
Thoughts?
Have you ever told anybody that you are a hikki?
Have you ever verbalized it at all?
I had an insurance mandated medical examination yesterday. The second question was about my professional history, and since it's unusual and the thought of having to explain, once more, made me agitated I just said it: "I have not really left my home in 15 years! And I am socially isolated. … I buy groceries, I see a doctor four times a year, I am friendly and helpful towards my neighbors if they need something, but that's it. That's why we are here today."
That hit me hard. I never said anything like it before. I never even thought about it this way. Sure, I've said "I don't get out much." or "I am homebound, anyway." But I never verbalized that I have been isolated in my home for many, many years.
There is nothing else here. I just wanted to share the story, and am curious how other people think and talk, or don't, about their situation.
/hikki/ Fall + Winter Thread
Hey /hikki/, I thought since fall is here and winter is right around the corner, we could talk about things that we like and dislike about this time of year.
I love fall and winter, it's my favorite time of year. Here are some of my favorite things about it:
>bundling up in blankets
>sipping hot tea/coco/coffee
>gettin' comfy
>less guilt about not going outside, since most people don't go out in cold weather
>watching the leaves/snow fall outside your window
>less noise from outside because everyone is indoors
What are your favorite things about fall and winter, /hikki/?
This is it for me
This might be a little bit long to read for anyone and I might contradict into saying stuff but I don't really have anywhere else to talk about this, so whatever.
I've tried many times. I'm done. I can't stand people most of the time anyways. This one person is right. I push people away. People don't know why I get upset and when I do convey my angry feelings, there are no more further responses. I mean, why bother? We really don't give a shit about each other and if we do, we're only pretending to be nice. When we're pretending to be nice, we're only fooling ourselves time after time. Doing something like that is doing it out of charity and it sucks ass. I can't help to think that there are people out there who either look for reassurances or become condescending towards others. Maybe even both. It's tiresome and it's annoying. It may not supposed to be a problem for me in the first place and I shouldn't care otherwise but I linger to the fact that this is the world I'm living in and I have to deal with it one way or the other.
People. I tried my best to try to be friendly but it never works out in the end. I try to message other people but nothing. I don't know if it's because I have a boring ass personality or that I've said something weird or wrong or something. I lived a long life as a hikikomori and let me tell you that people are the problem. It's not because you don't have friends. It's not because your family shuns you. It's not because you can't have a relationship with someone who can put up with your shit. It's not because you couldn't fathom that one part because you couldn't understand it too well. It's people. It's you, it's me, it's all of us. It's an inevitable problem to no solution and we're stuck with it until we die.
I don't know whether I should give up again or try harder to make friends or even bother to get my shit together. Every time I try to think about them, I fall back and thought: Fuck that shit. We're shut-ins because have problems that "normal" people can't and won't understand our situation. They say stupid shit but it's easier said than done. They mock the real hikis because they're think they're so better than them. They think they're at that point in their lives where they're content enough about their day-to-day living. For those who come here, posing as a hikikomori because you failed at life. Those had a job, who had a relationship with someone, is no longer a virgin, had a taste of the a non-hikikomori life. You do not have any idea how it really is like to be someone who stays at home every day. Barely, BARELY go outside because of people like you. People. Fuck you all. You do not understand how it really is. How difficult it really is to be in a situation that I got stuck in for many years. Sure, blame myself because I couldn't do what others could. If it weren't for the stereotypical, discrimination, the negativity, all that I had to go through then maybe I wouldn't have to be like this but I am. I didn't choose to be like this. I fucking fell into this shit lifestyle because I could not stand people. On top of that, I had to deal with more stupid shit with my family. I even lost friends because we actually we're not friends in the first place. People shun me in so many years that I feel like I didn't deserve to have anything to make myself happy. Maybe even not deserve to exist in the first place.
Why are you a hikikomori?
What were the reasons that made you become a hikikomori? for me its the following.
>Be bullied throughout both middle school and high school for having autism and being myself
>Lots of drama going on inside family home (Will not go into detail)
>Socially awkward
>Hate going outside
>Do not agree with a lot of things in this society.
>Feel betrayed by own age peers because i was not socially accepted by them
>Shit parents (Still love them to an extent though)
>Closeted pedophile (Could never tell my parents i dont wanna be disowned for an attraction i did not choose)
>To red pilled about the world to live a normalfag lifestyle i guess thats what happens when you're on the internet 24/7
>Hate most people
>One part of me loves being alone, this part of me loves to get away from everything and everyone.
>Feel protected when inside my room
Those are pretty much my reasons i guess what are your reasons /hikki/??.
Homelessness
>got kicked out
>knew it was coming for months but didn't do anything except put in a few online job applications that never amounted to anything
>thought they were bluffing, tbh
>didn't make a fuss about it because I'm too jaded and prideful, I guess
>tried to reapply for NEETbux but they refused to lift my suspension
>packed some basic provisions like clothes, this laptop etc.
>dad drove me into the city, dropped me off at a shelter, slapped $1k in my hand and basically told me to fuck off and never come back
>signed into the shelter but didn't stay long, went for a walkabout
>wasn't going anywhere, just feeling kinda shitty and wat to get away from people
>never went back, that place looked toxic
>spent the night in a small cropping of trees behind a retirement home but didn't sleep
>getting hungry now, the gravity of my situation finally began to sink in and panic along with it
>realize I have absolutely nowhere to go, so where else but back
>manage to get a taxi and convinced him to take me back to my old town, which was pretty far out
>heading to my sister's place. She fucking hates me, but I'm pretty desperate
>she's also the one who was always trying to get my parents to boot my ass out for years
>don't know the exact directions, so I just wander around town for like three hours until I find her street
>ring her bell, she isn't home
>wait for her on a park bench for another four hours
>when she finally does get back, I wait another hour just to make it seem like I wasn't waiting
>before I even have a chance to say anything, she immediately starts screaming in my face and tells me to leave
>basically going off on me about how I'm such a parasitic piece of trash etc.
>don't give a fuck at this point – start begging like a little bitch until she yields, even manage to shed a few tears
>ask her not to tell our parents and save me the humiliation, but of course, she immediately does just that
Been sleeping on her couch ever since, actually looking for work for real this time. The street-feeder life is not for me.
Do any of you have experience with homelessness? Do you suspect you will anytime soon, and what sort of plans do you have if such a situation were to occur?
Feeling extra guilty lately
Does it ever bother you that you don't bring anyone in your life any sort of happiness because of your hikki lifestyle? I have people in my life who loved me when I was a kid because I gave them so much joy and attention. Now that I never leave my room, resentment has built up towards me from the ones who remember what I used to be like- a talkative, funny and happy kid. My step father told me I ruined his life after beating the shit out of me for not putting any effort into anything in life. Now I live with my biological father and I can feel his disappointment towards me for being a weirdo who never leaves the house. My sister brings him so much happiness and can talk to him for hours making him laugh and smile. Now that she's moved out, he's stuck with me, and I can tell he's getting sadder by the day even though he's trying to hide it. It makes me want to go out and get a job just so I can show him that I care about him, but I know I wont do that anytime soon, which makes me feel extremely guilty about this lifestyle. I hate being lazy and introverted, not because I want to do more with my life, because I DON'T. I hate being these things because I know it causes sorrow for the people around me. However, I'd rather just deal with it than do anything with my life. I'm such a selfish asshole. Anyone else feel this way?
First post on this board btw. I'm surprised it took my this long to find it. Was a hikki for over three years. Now I leave the house on occasion to attend family gatherings in which family members bring up fond memories they have of me as a child. It gets annoying…
Siblings
Gosh, I wish I had normal childhood. Everyone of my siblings had a hard stimme growing up. I can blame our parents for that, but since they did put a lot of effort and love in us I can't be mad. They were a bit off like anyone else and we have a very strong set of ethics, which clearly doesn't help in our world. So, how are your siblings?
Lack of Confidence & Self-hate
So lately I've been trying to do more with myself. I know some of you here have seen my posts about trying to draw and write, and although I've worked on it a bit, I always hit the same wall which is that I have no confidence in myself and I hate everything I do. There's always a voice in the back of my head telling me that nothing I do is good enough, I'm wasting my time even trying, and that I'm generally a terrible person. It's been that way since I was very young. It makes it nearly impossible to make any real progress in life because I will work on something for a short time, but I can only last for so long before I get too frusterated/depressed, give up, and go straight back to wasting time. It affects nearly everything I do: drawing, reading, writing, exercise, basically anything that doesn't waste time or involve heavy escapism.
I know some of you guys must deal with this as well. After all, if we had more confidence, we wouldn't have become hikikomoris most likely. So how do you guys cope with little self-confidence and the feeling of self-hate? What do you do to get past it?
Small Steps Thread
So I thought it might be a good idea to start a thread where people can post small, positive things that they're doing or that's happened lately. It's easy to get into a depressive/unmotivated mindset, so I think it'd be a good idea to post positive things or improvements and such. They can just be small things, or if you want to accomplish something big you can post whatever small steps you're taking to get there.
I'll start: I've started a pushup routine in an attempt to get into shape. I want to add more exercises to it, but I have no idea what makes a good workout.
Changning and your thoughts about it
>mum and dad want me to become a normalfag
>talk with them one night, asking them if I can get help besides consoling and therapy- or change to a male therapist because nothing given to me is helping
>"Anon, there's no one out there that's going to help you. You have to do it yourself"
>yeah but muh traumas, the reality of how humans are horrid people
>"Well, just ignore it and change yourself"
I don't like forcing myself to change- I mean I don't like myself but still there's some parts of myself that I value (like the /pol/ knowledge I have, or how I'm not into 3dpd). It's stupid but it's true.
And I don't like to completely ignore the bad shit that happens in reality. I feel like there's strictly 3 types of people in this world and how they deal with the psychopathic nature of the world.
1- too stupid and naive, can't read the atmosphere and are happy
2- manipulative normalfags who know the bad shit happening and will use it to their advantage
3- hikkis who can't do that shit due to whatever they have/are and want to just be left alone
I don't know how to explain to my parents on how I see life.
But overall, am I in the wrong here? Do I need to just suck it up and change? Or is that change not going to happen?
Otherwise, talk about your thoughts on changing into a normalfag in general. I would like to know what other hikkis like me think about it.
Hopelessness
I really don't know what to do anymore everyday when i wake up i do the same things everyday. I've been a hikikomori since i was 13 and the older i get the harder it becomes for me to step back into the world i mean as far as i know Neetbux don't last forever and if i run out of cash i'm fucked if i don't find self employment work then i have to go live a normalfag lifestyle out of desperation. I know 24 is still super young but i don't feel that way after being withdrawn since 2007 i feel like an old man stuck in adolescence to be honest with you all because the days just all run together that i cant remember anything anymore ether unless something unique happens i honestly feel like i have no purpose in this world and that i wasn't meant to be apart of it in the first place can anyone relate??.
Forgetting that your lifestyle is far removed from the norm.
Do you experience this?
Most of the time I'm in my own corner of the world (programming, watching my shitty chinesetoons, etc) but visiting this board has made me realize that the way I'm living is incredibly uncommon and I'm seen as pond scum by the world at large…
So - are you always aware of this reality or do you keep yourself busy enough to dream away everything ugly?
Art
Any of you lads like to do art? I used to draw a lot during high school and have started to pick it back up now that games and alcohol have gotten boring.
If ya do, post some of your art, I wanna see what /hikki/ likes to create.
Pic related is one of mine, shilled out for a scanner.
Food Thread
What kind of food and snacks do you like to eat /hikki/??.
Also question for current hikikomoris do you buy food online? do your parents bring it to you and set it in your room or outside the door? or do you go outside quick for food then return to your room or apartment??.
Social anxiety and GAD causing psychosis
Do any of you suffer from anxiety so bad you start zoning out and enter like a psychic break, where you start hearing voices and feel like you're losing your mind?
I have been going out in the fleshnet a lot lately and it feels like I have sharp pains all over and the sun is melting my body.
The photo of satou-san holding himself in a state of fear is basically how I feel inside when I am suffering from anxiety.
Cycle of goals and motivation
I just drew this diagram. This cycle has gone full circle maybe 3 or 4 times for me in the past 6 years. Currently in the "no interest" part of the cycle but I think I'm nearing the next step. Does anyone relate to this?
Somewhat related also: what do you guys think about sitting down and just thinking? I often try to avoid doing and distract myself with games and such because often it is not pleasant thoughts, but I'm starting to think that if I do it enough and endure the bad I can find a way to break out of this. Thoughts?
that's my end
so hikkis a while ago I just noticed that we're in 2nd of September and I was like the fuck is going on with my brain since the last date I was remmber was 14th of August and surprisingly (hey son of a whore a whole month passed and you don't even no what's happened for me in this month fuck, less than week I will be forced to going out for my lessons and since I live in a fucked up country my family won't let me do what I want, I have been living in my room for 4years now as well and keep on giving them promises that I will going out the next month the next week and so on, and never did what I said, I can't live in this world anymore, even if some of you will give some advices to improve my life and tell me that there's still time to get my shot to gether, I tell you I get enough from these bunch of lame advices which never worked out for me even though I did try some of them, please and I say this as an weak miserable human who can't be here anymore I can't fit in this planet anymore, can you just simply tell me about a suicide method with the less pain possible due to me don't want that even my death be painful
>I raised from my mom with much heart and liver issues and I was about to death
>somehow the doctors made some operations for me and I lived
>continued my life as a weak human
>started my primary school
>all my classmates hating me even the girls
>whenever they seen me they come to molest me and make fun of my face
>obese who can't even up the stairs to my class without pain in heart
>12yo isolated myself in the home for some months
>told my parents about all the hatness I exopesd to in school
>they made fun of me and saw my suffering as a meaningless kid illusions
>started my midllle school
>non less pain as my last years
>the guys started to push me fRom the stairs
>girls and even the teachers hating me for nothingness
>the most clever smart kid in the class
>tbh I'm not that smart as I'm only put much effort in the books to become better than those who filled me with hatnees
>no friends whether girls or boys
>the most creep strange scary kid in the class
>finish middle school
>sit in my room for one year (no one care about me)
>start high school
>go to the class just two months
>all reject me
>all avoid to sit with me
>seeing me as a strange creature not a human like them fuck this
>isolated myself in the room since maybe 4 years now or 5 I don't remember exactly
>no no I don't belong here
(no friends, no family, no one even know that I'm exist)
spend my days on 8chan and hikki as a guest never posted even two posts
now I realized that it is my end even if you will say it might will be alright if you just start fixing your life, I don't care any more
that's not my world, I never felt secure to live here, please I want to leave whether the god is Allah, Jesus or whatsoever the god is or even if there's no god exists
I just want to exist, and I wish If there's god and he can hear me now, I wish he can see and realize what he did for me in all these years of suffering just due to I can fit in the world as a human.
I'm sick of running this shit fuck miserable human race is it hard to see god
guys I have no one other you to help me exist, you know how much my suffering is as well, if any of you know a method that will work and take my soul in just 20 minutes at least, help me I need your help and maybe we will meet again in another life I loved every single on of you regardless the gold time I spend with you through these years, I will remember you
Shame in Hikikomori
Hello. I was wondering what about living this way, as a hikikomori, makes you feel shame if you do at all. If you don't, that's okay. You are welcome to say why.
For myself it's mostly knowing that my family is frustrated with me. They tell me often things like, "This is disgusting!" in response to seeing the state of my room. However, to me, it doesn't look a mess and I often ignore it. This is shameful to me. But at the same time, I don't feel motivated enough to continuously upkeep things. I may be good for a day before falling into old habits. These comments from my family hurt, as I love them very much and want to do my best for them. If I say that to them, they will tell me to want it harder or that I obviously don't want it enough. A similar shame extends to my friends.
Another thing is that I worry how my community views me. I feel like it will be shameful for my parents to be seen with me if I go outside. I don't want to burden them with my presence. Although in general people have received me warmly in person, I don't know if it's honest.
Other things are just mostly related to comments.
>Are you always online? I see you posting like 24/7.
>Anon, you won't get a boyfriend when you live this way.
>You never go outside, so of course you wouldn't understand this.
>If you actually went outside, you'd…
And so on.
Please share with me, anons. I think you all have interesting viewpoints.
Pic unrelated.
Acceptance.
Do you accept the way you are and the way the world is?
I noticed in some posts here some people seem very bitter about the way the world treats them, and of course lots of self hatred. I imagine the only way you could really be content being a hikki is if you somehow lived alone, weren't directly a burden on anyone, and didn't have to deal with normalfags harassing your for being hikki. Then maybe i could see myself not feeling inherently full of self pity for being such a failure. Though being like this for long enough it's impossible to feel miserable all the time, it would kill me. So sometimes i'll get deluded enough thinking that it's not all that bad or even get smug about it thinking about normalfags racing to work and dealing with women as if they're the ones in the wrong here.
So i guess this thread is just asking how you view yourself in a meta sense
>Are you inherently ashamed of being a like this? As in are you bitter about not being able or willing to interact socially?
>Do you feel as if you've let your family down?
>Are you ashamed as a human and member of this society?
Personally i'm not sorry about being the way i am anymore. Thinking like that tore me apart so now i just accept that i'm different. All of my shame and bitterness is towards my family. I feel awful having let down some of my family who have done nothing but support me, but then i'm also bitter towards my mom who never supported me or really took an interest in any of my problems when they arose. And i feel like i'm doing a very insignificant amount of damage to society compared to the average normalfag honestly. Though i'm not bitter towards normal people. I do realize that I'm the malcontent.
Anxiety disorders/panic attacks
How do you guys deal with Anxiety or panic attacks? (but I don't know what the fuck they're exactly called)
I have them ~3 times a week. During that 'moment' I feel incredibly hopeless and I just lay on the side of my bed. Occasionally I would cry but most of the time I get this tingly feeling on the skin of my hands etc. and I genuinely feel scared that I'll die.
It sucks because I don't really have anyone else to talk to.
I don't know. I thought it would be good to make a thread on this, sharing some advice or maybe let out some steam like me and explain what happens during that moment.
Question About the Rules
First off, I'll start by stating that I am currently a hikikomori. I have no friends, no girlfriend, and no job. I live with my parents and spend all day in my room. I talk to my parents about 1 or 2 times a day. Outside of that, I rarely ever interact with anyone other than my siblings during special occasions, such as holidays. Similarly, I never leave the house unless it's a special occasion like a holiday. I felt I needed to state that clearly before I continue this post.
On to the purpose of this thread, I was curious about something I read in the board sticky:
>6. Going to your day job not socializing while out at work going home and staying in your room for the rest of the night is NOT AND DOES NOT MAKE YOU A Hikikomori being a hikikomori and a shy introverted person are not the same thing.
>(Pretenders and normalfags will be banned).
>7. If you are a recovering hikikomori that is okay.
I intend to get a job and move out eventually, as living with my parents at the age of 25 is taking its toll on me. So if I 'were' to get a job, thus no longer being a fully-fledged hikki but rather a 'recovering hikikomori,' how long would I be able to keep that job before I am no longer considered 'recovering' and instead seen as an interloper? When is the cut-off?