This is it for me Hikki 09/17/17 (Sun) 08:42:09 6a5ec0 No. 270
This might be a little bit long to read for anyone and I might contradict into saying stuff but I don't really have anywhere else to talk about this, so whatever.
I've tried many times. I'm done. I can't stand people most of the time anyways. This one person is right. I push people away. People don't know why I get upset and when I do convey my angry feelings, there are no more further responses. I mean, why bother? We really don't give a shit about each other and if we do, we're only pretending to be nice. When we're pretending to be nice, we're only fooling ourselves time after time. Doing something like that is doing it out of charity and it sucks ass. I can't help to think that there are people out there who either look for reassurances or become condescending towards others. Maybe even both. It's tiresome and it's annoying. It may not supposed to be a problem for me in the first place and I shouldn't care otherwise but I linger to the fact that this is the world I'm living in and I have to deal with it one way or the other.
People. I tried my best to try to be friendly but it never works out in the end. I try to message other people but nothing. I don't know if it's because I have a boring ass personality or that I've said something weird or wrong or something. I lived a long life as a hikikomori and let me tell you that people are the problem. It's not because you don't have friends. It's not because your family shuns you. It's not because you can't have a relationship with someone who can put up with your shit. It's not because you couldn't fathom that one part because you couldn't understand it too well. It's people. It's you, it's me, it's all of us. It's an inevitable problem to no solution and we're stuck with it until we die.
I don't know whether I should give up again or try harder to make friends or even bother to get my shit together. Every time I try to think about them, I fall back and thought: Fuck that shit. We're shut-ins because have problems that "normal" people can't and won't understand our situation. They say stupid shit but it's easier said than done. They mock the real hikis because they're think they're so better than them. They think they're at that point in their lives where they're content enough about their day-to-day living. For those who come here, posing as a hikikomori because you failed at life. Those had a job, who had a relationship with someone, is no longer a virgin, had a taste of the a non-hikikomori life. You do not have any idea how it really is like to be someone who stays at home every day. Barely, BARELY go outside because of people like you. People. Fuck you all. You do not understand how it really is. How difficult it really is to be in a situation that I got stuck in for many years. Sure, blame myself because I couldn't do what others could. If it weren't for the stereotypical, discrimination, the negativity, all that I had to go through then maybe I wouldn't have to be like this but I am. I didn't choose to be like this. I fucking fell into this shit lifestyle because I could not stand people. On top of that, I had to deal with more stupid shit with my family. I even lost friends because we actually we're not friends in the first place. People shun me in so many years that I feel like I didn't deserve to have anything to make myself happy. Maybe even not deserve to exist in the first place.
____________________________
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Hikki 09/17/17 (Sun) 09:08:05 6fe4ab No. 271
>>270
OP i completely know how you feel as i too hate most people and society is just cruel period i guess.
>For those who come here, posing as a hikikomori because you failed at life. Those had a job, who had a relationship with someone, is no longer a virgin, had a taste of the a non-hikikomori life. You do not have any idea how it really is like to be someone who stays at home every day. Barely, BARELY go outside because of people like you. People. Fuck you
Posers are not allowed here on this board and if anyone like that ever shows up i would ban them also i agree OP.
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引きこもり 11/19/17 (Sun) 08:32:41 3b8ef1 No. 1877
I've been in a rough patch since the beginning of this year and it actually gotten worse in real life. I had a fight with my family and I truly feel like shit after what happened. It's one of the most shittiest moments in my life. All because of what's happening around me, online and in real life. The online stuff was the tipping point. I guess it all went okay after I apologized. I even fucking cried. I promised myself not to cry anymore but it's hard. It just happened. I know this may look like I'm self-loathing or whatever it is but I feel like I still want to reach out with other people. I want to try but I end up reminding myself that there are pieces of shits out there in this world that would bring me down for some reason. Maybe there isn't any reason so they just do it. I know we all have some kind of hate, lingering of sadness and probably guilt as well but it's terribly difficult to cope anymore, you know? I try to keep myself sane. With video games, watching movies, listening to music, etc. I try my best. I'm aware that I've done things I wasn't proud of and it was a very shitty thing to do. I wish I could apologize to them in person because I felt my apologies aren't enough for them after what I've done. I know I should have done things that would have my life going well but obstacles were in the way and I couldn't overcome them. That's why I'm in this shit lifestyle and I don't like it. I never liked this and I still don't. None of these things are making me truly happy. I'm tired of hating and being angry. I know I always tell myself that I should be less negative but I need to do it. I don't know. Maybe I need to be more receptive or something. I just don't want to deal with this negative stuff anymore. It's tiring.
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引きこもり 11/19/17 (Sun) 09:22:12 3f1e59 No. 1880
>>1877
Holy fuck that hit very close to home anon especially
>I had a fight with my family and I truly feel like shit after what happened. It's one of the most shittiest moments in my life. All because of what's happening around me, online and in real life
This use to happen all the time when i lived with my parents hell they once told me that i wasn't a very fun person to live with.
>I know this may look like I'm self-loathing or whatever it is but I feel like I still want to reach out with other people. I want to try but I end up reminding myself that there are pieces of shits out there in this world that would bring me down for some reason
It is okay to self-loath on here anon and i know that feel all too well i have tried to reintegrate back into society countless times but every time i tried i was met with hostility and disrespect and that is one of the reasons why i have trust issues with most people nowadays and the fact that i have pretty much completely given up on trying to be honest i really honestly don't care anymore.
>I try to keep myself sane. With video games, watching movies, listening to music, etc. I try my best. I'm aware that I've done things I wasn't proud of and it was a very shitty thing to do. I wish I could apologize to them in person because I felt my apologies aren't enough for them after what I've done. I know I should have done things that would have my life going well but obstacles were in the way and I couldn't overcome them. That's why I'm in this shit lifestyle and I don't like it. I never liked this and I still don't. None of these things are making me truly happy. I'm tired of hating and being angry.
I use to like being a hikikomori back when i was a teenager but not anymore it's been 10 years almost 11 i'm 24 now and this lifestyle while there are some good things about it it has really made me depressed and has broken me mentally in the long run going down the never ending rabbit hole. I too wish i could apologize to my family for being a complete failure but they themselves even fail to realize that there is a problem with me because they always thought it was a phase and 10 years later they still enable me i think if i actually do get my own apartment someday i may just cut them out of my life and go back to being a hikikomori and work or take classes from home.
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引きこもり 11/19/17 (Sun) 11:38:24 c85a2f No. 1882
>>1880
>I use to like being a hikikomori back when i was a teenager
It was the same for me. At first it was nice not having to worry about anyone or anything but my mental health slowly degraded and all my attempts to reintegrate into society failed miserably. If i could just go back in time to when i was 13 and force myself to get help and interact with my family i would in a heartbeat.
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引きこもり 11/19/17 (Sun) 22:40:55 3f1e59 No. 1887
>>1882
> If i could just go back in time to when i was 13 and force myself to get help and interact with my family i would in a heartbeat.
Same
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引きこもり 11/20/17 (Mon) 22:13:43 3b8ef1 No. 1911
>>1880
>It is okay to self-loath on here anon and i know that feel all too well i have tried to reintegrate back into society countless times but every time i tried i was met with hostility and disrespect and that is one of the reasons why i have trust issues with most people nowadays and the fact that i have pretty much completely given up on trying to be honest i really honestly don't care anymore.
People, especially the ones who are negative somehow, drains my energy and it's a waste. I want to be a little bit more positive but not the way where I'm deluded about it. I want a real positive energy where I can spend it on myself better and other people that are worth to spend time with at least.
>>1880
>I use to like being a hikikomori back when i was a teenager but not anymore it's been 10 years almost 11 i'm 24 now and this lifestyle while there are some good things about it it has really made me depressed and has broken me mentally in the long run going down the never ending rabbit hole. I too wish i could apologize to my family for being a complete failure but they themselves even fail to realize that there is a problem with me because they always thought it was a phase and 10 years later they still enable me i think if i actually do get my own apartment someday i may just cut them out of my life and go back to being a hikikomori and work or take classes from home.
>>1882
>It was the same for me. At first it was nice not having to worry about anyone or anything but my mental health slowly degraded and all my attempts to reintegrate into society failed miserably. If i could just go back in time to when i was 13 and force myself to get help and interact with my family i would in a heartbeat.
Being a hiki back then as a teenager was good but it gradually changes from being alright with it to building up of hatred, anger, and depression. I mean, the depression was there already but over the years, those 10 years, it gets worse and worse. Then you end up fighting your family. Which it made me feel truly shitty. Apologizing was the hardest. It's one difficult situation to another and I still don't know how I'm enduring all this. Some days I want to end it and some days I want to continue with some hope.
This lifestyle is definitely not to be worship about. It's unhealthy, breaks your mentality overtime, and you lose a sense of yourself along the way. These are some of the things that non-hikikomori people do not fully understand and I don't like it when they're bending the meaning of hikikomori. Plus they need to stop mocking us. Even if they think they're not mocking, knowing their lack of consideration makes it even worse. We're already had enough dealing with people like them and it's ridiculous how it's continuing on the net. I wish they would actually understand it but it's difficult to deal with them.
I'm sorry I end up ranting. I know I already said that I want to be a little bit more positive but these people somehow fuck shit up because it's funny or something. Sad world we live in. Truly a sad world.
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引きこもり 11/20/17 (Mon) 23:28:14 3f1e59 No. 1913
>>1911
>Being a hiki back then as a teenager was good but it gradually changes from being alright with it to building up of hatred, anger, and depression. I mean, the depression was there already but over the years, those 10 years, it gets worse and worse. Then you end up fighting your family. Which it made me feel truly shitty.
This is so true
>Some days I want to end it and some days I want to continue with some hope.
I know that feel anon for a long time i have been in a constant debate in my mind whether or not i should go on or kill myself this happens year after year and it has gotten worse over time.
>This lifestyle is definitely not to be worship about. It's unhealthy, breaks your mentality overtime, and you lose a sense of yourself along the way. These are some of the things that non-hikikomori people do not fully understand
This is also true i mean if someone is happy with themselves while living this lifestyle i can understand why but the hikikomori lifestyle isn't a lifestyle to be worshiped or desired. I read post on /r9k/ and /b/ all the time about how people are jealous of us because to them were living the dream But what they fail to realize is that spending almost your entire life in complete isolation can fuck you up mentally so this is not the dream life.
>I don't like it when they're bending the meaning of hikikomori. Plus they need to stop mocking us
Agreed i'm tired of seeing these normalfags larping on other sites and role playing as hikikomori because they think it's so cool or just a meme those people piss me the fuck off.
>Im sorry I end up ranting. I know I already said that I want to be a little bit more positive but these people somehow fuck shit up because it's funny or something. Sad world we live in. Truly a sad world.
I know how you feel anon and agreed.
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引きこもり 11/21/17 (Tue) 23:33:51 a5f1fa No. 1942
>>1913
>>1911
I'm curious: Would you honestly rather have a different lifestyle?
I'm not happy with the hikki life by any means, but I'm at least happier than I'm with the average modern lifestyle - I've tried, I've failed, I'm not suited to it.
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引きこもり 11/21/17 (Tue) 23:40:30 3f1e59 No. 1943
>>1942
>Would you honestly rather have a different lifestyle?
That is something that i always debate in my mind but for the most part i pretty much feel the same as you anon.
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引きこもり 11/22/17 (Wed) 04:06:39 c85a2f No. 1951
>>1942
>Would you honestly rather have a different lifestyle?
I'm 99% sure that if i was able to function in society I would be significantly happier. Of course I've repeatedly tried to reintegrate and failed every time so i guess i'm stuck like this.
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引きこもり 11/22/17 (Wed) 04:15:29 3f1e59 No. 1952
>>1951
>I'm 99% sure that if i was able to function in society I would be significantly happier.
Same here
>Of course I've repeatedly tried to reintegrate and failed every time
This has also happened to me.
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引きこもり 11/22/17 (Wed) 06:18:39 24d6d7 No. 1954
>>1942
I would like to have the choice. Having the ability to live a normal life would not mean that I would have to live one. It would simply mean that I was no longer a prisoner of my condition.
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引きこもり 11/23/17 (Thu) 17:17:02 6f6c50 No. 1965
>>1954
you always have choice
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引きこもり 11/23/17 (Thu) 23:44:57 3b8ef1 No. 1967
>>1942
>I'm curious: Would you honestly rather have a different lifestyle?
Yes. Have you ever live a hikki life for more than 10 years? Some of you may have a means of getting income from whatever source but I don't have one and I really want my own. It's not because of that but this hikki life isn't really something for me to be happy. You can't be this happy. It's frustrating that you are unable to achieve what you want in life besides whatever you can at home or even online. Maybe you guys don't want to at all or it's not for anyone else but to me, I think there's more to it in life than just being at home for more than 10 years. Sure, I've been backfired because of people putting me down and what not but I like to think that I can still fucking try. Even if it looks like there isn't. If I'm alive like this, I might as well cling on something to move on or whatever. Even if it's stupid.
>>1965
Yes, we have a choice but sometimes that choice backfires and we fall back into, not square one but square zero. You need a consideration of others and not say something like it's easier said than done.
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Post last edited at 11/24/17 (Fri) 01:51:48
引きこもり 11/24/17 (Fri) 01:33:32 3f1e59 No. 1970
>>1965
>you always have choice
Being hikikomori isn't a choice we are simply just victims of circumstance.
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引きこもり 11/24/17 (Fri) 02:05:45 3f1e59 No. 1972
>>1967
>Some of you may have a means of getting income from whatever source but I don't have one and I really want my own
Have you ever thought about working or taking classes or doing odd jobs from home??.
>This hikki life isn't really something for me to be happy. its frustrating that you are unable to achieve what you want in life besides whatever you can at home or even online
I know that feel anon i'm so uncomfortable with myself that i feel ashamed of who i am as a person and literally everything i have done for the past 10 years almost 11 is just a form of escapism away from it all.
>I think there's more to it in life than just being at home for more than 10 years.
I use to think this but not anymore however there is still apart inside of me that wants to get out of this lifestyle and live a normal life.
>Sure I've been backfired because of people putting me down and what not but I like to think that I can still fucking try.
I use to do this but not anymore i tried to reintegrate back into society many times and every time i tried i was met with hostility and was judged and ostracized which is why at this point i have completely given up on even trying.
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引きこもり 11/25/17 (Sat) 00:02:17 d1c47d No. 1976
I have never been so happy since I gave up. Society is just a story some place in time for vampires and cannibals to fight about.
take care
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引きこもり 11/25/17 (Sat) 02:06:15 3f1e59 No. 1978
>>1976
I wish i could be happy in isolation like you i don't even know how some hikkis can be happy staying inside all the time it fucks you up physically and mentally over time but the reason people like me don't get out is because something always holds us back and to be honest i feel dead and empty on both the inside and outside.
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引きこもり 11/27/17 (Mon) 06:59:25 267438 No. 2018
>>1972
>Have you ever thought about working or taking classes or doing odd jobs from home??
I thought about trying out college. Maybe next year in Spring or Summer. I know, next year but I really have to do something for myself. I can't stand another year of this.
>>1978
Not that anon that you're replied to but I think I want to cling onto hope. Even though there actually isn't for any of us. I still want to think that there is somehow to turn this around for the better. Some are happy with the shut-in lifestyle but like I said before, I really think there's more to it in life. Kinda difficult to explain in my own words about how I see things and all but I want to improve somehow. I know this may sound like I'm just talking it out my ass for this but I at least talking about it might make something out of it for myself.
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引きこもり 11/28/17 (Tue) 02:52:13 50148f No. 2026
>>2018
>I think I want to cling onto hope. Even though there actually isn't for any of us. I still want to think that there is somehow to turn this around for the better. Some are happy with the shut-in lifestyle but like I said before, I really think there's more to it in life. Kinda difficult to explain in my own words about how I see things and all but I want to improve somehow. I know this may sound like I'm just talking it out my ass for this but I at least talking about it might make something out of it for myself.
>I thought about trying out college. Maybe next year in Spring or Summer. I know, next year but I really have to do something for myself. I can't stand another year of this.
Good luck anon my suggestion is to try and keep pushing yourself so you don't drop out and end up back in the hikki lifestyle but i guess only time will tell.
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引きこもり 11/29/17 (Wed) 17:07:20 17aec2 No. 2046
>>2018
Just make sure to actually check all the classes you need for the major you want for attendance requirements.
I'm currently stuck 3/4ths through university because only the classes with attendance requirements are left and I have a really hard time of going there. Don't be me.
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引きこもり 07/07/18 (Sat) 10:31:44 4366e1 No. 5919
Still a fucking hikikomori and we're down to half a year already. Trying to get a job at 30 and it just ultimately gets difficult by the day. Sorry for my blogpost but I got no where to post this and I'm kinda hoping that at least someone read this anyways. I'm dreading to becoming 31 at the end of the year. I told myself before that I was going to really recover from this shit lifestyle but I've always withdrawn back to my man cave and keep on gaming. Had another fight, this time with my cousin. Was ready to take this guy out because of all the anger I've built up over the years. Was really sick and tired of his shit. Especially with his big mouth. I don't understand kids like him and always seem to look like they know everything.
All I've been doing is more gaming. I know I've said so many times that I despised discord so much but I keep coming back to it. Maybe I'm still looking for people to chat with. Just to simply chat with. It doesn't even have to be something I can relate to but to just try to understand each other for the better and learn anything new along the way. I realized too late that the memespeak is very heavy with the younger people. Sometimes I can't tell if they're being genuine or not. Maybe it's to hide their seriousness or maybe they don't want to be serious? Just be playful most of the time? Idk, seems childish to me but whatever floats their boat. Was hating on that for awhile but too tired to do so anymore. Another thing to let it be and move on. I really wish there is someone I can just chat online with every other day. I've got a buddy irl but I kinda want a couple more at least to go by.
When you realized that getting online friends is as difficult as getting friends irl as well. There is this guy that joined a hiki discord server. Some fallout happened and voila, another fucking hiki server was born. So I go there, thinking this might be alright but it's another shitshow. Every single fucking time a hiki/neet server is created, it's just another safe space. A hug box or whatever you call it. It may be the case nowadays but all I'm really after is just a nice friendly chat and feel good at the end of the day. Just want that kind of positive feeling. I don't want to got to that route where people create false positive energy and spread it around like we're jocks and cheerleaders for school spirit. Not like that. It's fucking dumb. I'm pretty sure we all want that real positive energy where we can feel good about ourselves despite all the shit that's happening around us. The last thing we need is another fake shit throwing at our faces. Well anyways this guy I seem to can't stand. I don't know how this guy operates like that every day but he does. Just another typical human who plays favorites and not just taking a consideration over others. I thought he was cool at first but when he became an admin, he got drunk on power and just favoring people more. Along with unnecessary complaints about everything. How there are a lot of people inactive/lurkers and wishes they become more active. Well I don't know, maybe if he stop being so fucking obnoxious then the newcomers can feel comfortable enough to join in and have a good chat but just keep on being an asshole. The lack of consideration is what I hate in a lot of people and it's why stupid shit like him leads others to self-hate and such. Along with bad influences. Sure there are flaws in every situation but it doesn't have to be like that. It just doesn't have to be.
Anyways, still struggling. Still suffering but keeping on living. Still looking for cool and understanding people. Hope you all are doing alright.
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引きこもり 07/07/18 (Sat) 12:32:03 2ed159 No. 5920
>>5919
>The lack of consideration is what I hate in a lot of people
Fucking this. My entire life have I always tried my best to be considerate of others, yet I can count on one hand the times that same consideration has been returned.
Don't give up just yet, perhaps going straight for a job is a bad idea. Taking baby steps like going out into public areas and gradually re-learn to socialize with people, even strangers, may be a better course of action before you go apply for whatever job you can get, hating it, and relapsing. Taking it one step at a time seems to me like it'd be better suited for long term success in getting out of this life style. I haven't tried this myself, but I am a bit of a hypocrite and lost hope of getting out of my room a while ago.
>I'm dreading to becoming 31 at the end of the year.
I'm a few years younger than you, but my birthday is coming up in a week and I know what you mean. It's a shitty feeling.
Anyways I wish you the best of luck, anon, and as cheesy as it sounds I have faith in every hikki here that they can break free of this lifestyle as long as they really want it to happen and don't give up on trying different things.
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引きこもり 07/08/18 (Sun) 14:54:32 fc29dc No. 5924
The world was once a place of small, self-sufficient communities of like-minded people. Everyone in the communities knew each other, trusted each other, could rely on each other. Doors didn't need locks.
But the capability of the world to foster an environment that supports its inhabitants has been systematically dismantled. Like-minded individuals are scattered to the wind. People live in cities of thousands or tens of thousands. The mutual trust everyone needs to function no longer exists. Food, water, and shelter (or the money to obtain them) are obtained solely at the whim of massive, uncaring international organizations (whether corporate or political, there's not much difference).
To put it simply: you are not broken, the world is broken.
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