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/mental/ - Mental Health, Illnesses and Disorders

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You are the healing.

File (hide): af82530d1025ad8⋯.jpg (41.54 KB,576x448,9:7,prithvi.jpg) (h) (u)

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 No.14030 [Open Thread]>>16216 [Watch Thread][Show All Posts]

I was a victim of child abuse for twelve years. I lived in fear every day. Domestic violence was a common occurrence, and I had to intervene repeatedly to prevent my stepfather from killing my mother. I've also had to intervene in her suicide attempts. My mother, who, when I came out to her about his abuse after I saw a safe opportunity--he had just kidnapped my sister and fled to another state–ultimately chose him over both of us and took him back after two weeks. I was sort of adopted by another family in my teen years, and spent as much time away from home as I could. I got bullied and threatened a lot as a kid, and teen. I've hurt a lot of people for no good reason at all. There's the cliche "confusing love with violence" that I have come to accept as cliche for a reason: the people I hurt were those close to me, and I learned this from my stepfather. I sexually assaulted my girlfriend when I had just turned fourteen. I've attacked a few friends violently without warning.

As soon as I got to college, my stepfather kidnapped my siblings an fled again, my mom got evicted, and again it was apparent that long before they were no longer physically around me, I had been abandoned. As an adult, I've been a drug dealer and been in a lot of sketchy situations, I've also been raped--this led to the realization of my monstrous actions years before. I've told no one about either. I stayed in a haze of drugs and booze for years. I felt like no one knew me, and if they really did, they would hate me, so I pushed them away.

I wanted to die for as long as I remember but I didn't want to kill myself.

I've been in and out of therapy for years, medicated and unmedicated. I finally got some stuff that works (that isn't pot), but it's no longer as effective. I am on the maximum safe dose of my SNRI. I just got done doing the PTSD + borderline cycle, in which I am made anxious by a trigger, retreat, am overwhelmed by anger and sadness, will do almost anything to make it stop, and finally it's over after about ten minutes.

When you grow up around domestic violence, and have been violent yourself, you have a lot of fucking triggers. Hearing a door close in my own house, hearing dishes rattle, Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

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 No.16216

>>14030 (OP)

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 No.16171 [Open Thread]>>16179 [Watch Thread][Show All Posts]

This post is for hotwheels. I'm ready to make the migration to 420chan when you are.

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 No.16179

>>16171 (OP)

Come post with us over at https://8ch.moe/ !

If you're from Russia, China or New Zealand and cannot see the site or get error messages while posting, use redchannit.org

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 No.13554 [Open Thread][Last 50 Posts][Watch Thread][Show All Posts]

Feels that don't deserve their own thread

How do you feel, anon? How was your day?

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 No.16187

>>16186

Also wish to add that it all leads to a negative feedback loop. I don't currently have a job, though I should have one at this age since society expects us to have and this lead to straining of relations between me and my cousin.

She came to my city for couple of days and stayed one night at my house. Some of her money got lost. Since I am the unemployed one, she automatically assumed I must have stole it and disregarded all the other possibilities. It pissed me off so much, I still tried to apologize for the misunderstanding but she mucked the whole thing up, even calling up every relative we have in common just to tell them that I am a potential thief. This pissed me off so much.I don't normally want to get angry with people but this event really drove me nuts.

Got nowhere to vent my frustration, hence sorry for the rant.

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 No.13577 [Open Thread][Last 50 Posts][Watch Thread][Show All Posts]

There was once a music thread in here. It's time for it's revival.

Share your personal theme songs!

(Mine if you're ever curious: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KF_6E7AfJ0)

First picks: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pug7eKPcRb4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fa0tFkEREE

These song really puts the cherry on top of the cake that is the Metroid franchise on Gamecube/Wii. They gives not only a sense of trouble during the final boss fights, but also adds a feel of utmost urgency to the situation.

Coupled with incredible sound effects, these songs really adds the last ingredient into a video-game to make you slide at the of your seat while you dive into full immersion mode.

Bonus pick: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxiE5Pz-62s

From Freedom Fighters, once again the final battle theme which has a really great Metroid feel to it.

I know i posted vidya OSTs, but you can share kind of music you like!

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 No.16124

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 No.14852 [Open Thread][Watch Thread][Show All Posts]

Fresh OC from this morning, my expectations meeting my family physician later on today.

It took me several times to post here. Not out of shame but rather out of desperation. I am discouraged with life and i want to give up entirely. I either wait until I die or I will kill myself. It's just a matter of what comes first at this point.

It's been almost 3 months now that I have been on a fucking waiting list to see a therapist at my local health clinic. I jumped through the all the hoops necessary and attended the mandatory meeting to be on another fucking waiting list with just meds on the side that I got from my family physician which in itself takes YEARS to wait to obtain one. Otherwise, say I have a panic attack due to my General Anxiety Disorder and I miss work, sometimes I can't even get a paper at the urgency of my local hospital motivating my absence from work.

So for the past 3 months, I have been trying to get my life back on track. Trying to go back to school to learn a new trade because when I was homeless at 19 because I just went into customer service since I was still going to college at that time I never managed to get a diploma that would be giving me another more enjoyable for me and would pay more than near minimum wage all the fucking time. Even going back to school is laborious because I had to run after so many fucking retards to obtain the papers I needed to just enroll for the exams that despite being a school on weekdays during business hours would not return my call until 2 days later to tell me how can I get the necessary documents to go to the next step of enrollment.

And then, there's work. Due to my adherence problems with my anxiety issues, I was demoted to a lesser important position at work to minimize the impacts when I miss. This is already depressing in itself but now, at least 3 times this month alone, they changed my schedule 3 times without barely leaving me time to adjust. Now I went from 1 to 9pm to 10am to 6:30pm to 11PM to 7:30AM in the last 3 weeks. In the last few weeks, my family physician gave me a leave of absence for two so that I can adjust to the medication (Zoloft) and I took every day I had to knock on more doors and more ressources for hePost too long. Click here to view the full text.

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 No.14857>>14859

>>14855

Kratom is basically natures Zoloft, or adderall, depending on the strain you take.

https://hudsonvalleybotanicals.com/index.php/product/wild-green/

Wild Green is the most effective. I recommend a pea size dose, and build up, though my first time was with a spoonfull.

http://archive.is/nmUmg

Kratom basically stabilizes/decompresses you, and helps you curb nasty addictions.

Read what this guy has to say about it kratom, but do NOT buy happy hippo garbage; It's overpriced trash.

Botanical bunny or garuda kratom is best, and most afforgenocidele to boot.

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 No.14858

Fuck, I forgot I filtered d a b to genocide.

genocide test

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 No.14859>>15220

File (hide): 328e619f5cfa474⋯.mp4 (425.25 KB,360x360,1:1,[screams_into_cup].mp4) (h) (u) [play once] [loop]

>>14857

OP still

I can't recall which between indica or sativa that puts my mind at ease but i want that one.

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 No.15220

>>14859

Indica is a downer, sativa is an upper.

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 No.16219

Man, I really feel u. Life can be a total shitshow, I know right? Been there too, feeling stuck on waitlists, meds barely helping. My buddy once had to call crisis lines daily, just to get a real date for therapy. Don’t let em grind u down. Maybe check Pharmacy B2B https://www.canadapharmacy.com/pharmacy-partner options for meds? Hang in there, u ain't alone.

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 No.13487 [Open Thread]>>13843 [Watch Thread][Show All Posts]

Does anyone else feel like mental illnesses are actually reflections of the spiritual illnesses of a culture?

The common delusions are ones that are some legitimately important concepts. Being watched by a powerful entity or group, believing oneself to be christ, etc.

I feel a little crazy thinking it, but it makes so much sense to me. And now, seeing how psychedelics are proving to be powerful medicines for things like anxiety, depression, and ptsd, it seems like the only sane thing to believe now. The shamans would take psychs to commune with the spirits, but they had to learn to manage it at a young age. We don't do that for our spiritually sensitive people, so they never learn how to manage their sensitivity.

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 No.13842

Don't you find it weird that you're given vague answers when you're trying to find out what's happening?

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 No.13843

>>13487 (OP)

I dunno if this is quite the same thing but I was recently reading an article about the 'sadistic superego'. Basically it discusses an ignored aspect of psychoanalysis: what if the Id is the one holding morals and the superego is morally reprehensible? This is a reversal of the commonly taught Freudian psyche, the Id is the animalistic and sadistic inner self and the superego pushes you to be civilised to conform to societal norms. But what if these societal norms are bad? An example would be protecting a persecuted friend in a racist society. The superego urges you to turn your friend in to the police like what occurred in nazi germany, however your more 'primitive' self (the Id) convinces you to protect your friend. Which urges should you listen to? It seems obvious that in a sick society listening to your superego will lead you down a barbaric path. I feel like in our neoliberal capitalist world the superego is the one pressuring you to indulge in hedonism and also work yourself to an early grave. The Id takes the role of the more rational part of your psyche, urging you to live a happy life on your own terms and not indulge in hollow pleasures. It is clear that your primitive self, the one you have been conditioned to ignore is actually the voice of reason. You could make the case that this is a spiritual illness.

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 No.14125>>14759

That sounds like a beautiful thing.

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 No.14759

>>14125

I agree

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 No.16218

I’ve thought about that too---how what we call mental illness might actually be spiritual sensitivity clashing with a culture that doesn’t nurture it. That’s why I find the healing potential of psychedelics so interesting. If you're exploring wellness holistically, I also recommend checking Canada Pharmacy Partner https://www.canadadrugsdirect.com/pharmacy-partner —it’s helped me get quality support affordably.

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 No.16217 [Open Thread][Watch Thread][Show All Posts]

Mates, I have to fake an audio gram test(it determines your hearing impairment). Mates, can you give ideas to fake it or suggestions on drugs which can affect hearing for short time(their effects should wear off in few minutes or hours),I want the test results to be mild. Mates usage of drugs(how to administer them in which quantity) will be needed.

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 No.15581 [Open Thread][Watch Thread][Show All Posts]

Who /trichster/ here?

>Trichotillomania (pronounced: trik-oh-till-oh-MAY-nee-uh) is a condition that gives some people strong urges to pull out their own hair. It can affect people of any age. People with trichotillomania pull hair out at the root from places like the scalp, eyebrows, eyelashes, or pubic area.

Nowhere near as bad as the guy in the pic but scared i'll get there eventually

Had a fidget spinner (gay I know) that actually worked but it broke

How do you deal with it?

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 No.15582>>16214

Aw fuck, I pull hair out sometimes.

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 No.15854>>15855

Aye. I'm supposed to have a widow's peak, but I pull my hair so much it looks fucked up.

Pic related. Sorry for posting a pic, I know that it takes away from the whole anonymity part of things, but I figured I'd share, I'm trying to open up more.

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 No.15855>>15869

>>15854

On another note, I've been pulling hair out from that area since 2012-2013. I don't know what to do about it, and I am considering seeking help because I know it's supposed to be associated with other issues.

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 No.15869

>>15855

habit reversal therapy + SSRI

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 No.16214

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 No.16212 [Open Thread][Watch Thread][Show All Posts]

So i just started a new job and I'm fresh outta school. I made a few mistakes, but not really. It's not fuck ups it's more like needing to pay attention to small details, and focusing on meticulous shit. Boss gives me criticism, but also tells me not to worry too much and I'll adjust one step at a time. I feel like I'm getting better each day although i still have this sense of impending doom that one day she's just gonna fire me because how I am. I work hard obviously it's just little things that i treat as a huge deal which makes my whole mental and physical go full on panic mode. Any tips? I wanna ask her if I'm actually doing a good job, but I don't wanna sound like a cuck either

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 No.16213

Do you know what persecutory interjects are?

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 No.16209 [Open Thread][Watch Thread][Show All Posts]

I am a victim of domestic violence. My parents beat me since I was a child, and they often fought. When I grew up, I abused animals. I couldn't restrain my desire for violence and killing. I don't know why I was prone to violence. It's like my father. I once wanted to be a school shooting murderer, but I failed. Now I often hurt myself. In my hands, I need someone to tell me what I should do.

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 No.16211

I'm like you. I was abused growing up and was a violent child. However, I never hurt animals, but I did hurt other children. I go to therapy now for various things. My therapist believes that just having thoughts about killing people without acting on them, actually planning to do them, and initiating them is not a problem, as they are just thoughts. If you have symptoms of antisocial personality disorder, however, it is worth getting help to manage yourself. Do you still hurt animals?

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 No.16190 [Open Thread][Watch Thread][Show All Posts]

Hi 8kun! I'm honestly writing here for the first time, but I hope to find understanding.

I'm 15, I've had homicidal tendencies for almost my whole life and I stopped torturing animals a year ago when I killed a cat. I'm really scared, I want to be human, I want to be loved, I want to feel safe, I don't want to be an outcast. My mother used synthetic drugs and she degraded, I live poor and basically everyone ridicules me for not having money for brand-name clothes (although I have difficulties with ordinary clothes).

I liked to torture flies when I was 7 years old, but then it got worse, I killed a mouse and then beat a cat until I killed it. I cried, I felt that I was wrong in my life, but still I don't want to be an outcast.

How can I redeem myself?

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 No.16201

Hii I hope your doing well but pleasee if your a minor never say your age here it’s not a really a safe place,but if your looking for help try talk about it to someone you really care about or an adult I’m glad you feel bad about your actions animals have feelings to and I hope you will eventually heal take care :)

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 No.16208

Hi, thank you, I honestly feel better, but I do not know what to do with my anxiety, I feel as if I am going to die soon, even if I leave school I will not have any means to live, and I may not enroll in college on a budget, I am afraid again… But I'm glad that there are understanding people :)

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 No.16206 [Open Thread][Watch Thread][Show All Posts]

i am exhausted….:/:../. i can no longer cut …. dulll blades…

weed

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 No.16191 [Open Thread][Watch Thread][Show All Posts]

Ever since I was very young I had intense crushes and they got even more intense as I grew older. I am a young adult now. I won't say my exact age for privacy reasons. But between 18-21. I find myself very excited by the idea of being stalked and obsessed over as well as me doing the same towards someone else. Specifically in mostly romantic and sexual driven contexts. I have no idea how to be normal and I don't know what's wrong with me. Advice needed.

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 No.16195

>>16193

Well I hope you find a good crazy 16yo for yaself then. 🫡

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 No.16199>>16205

Plz plz can I stalk you >0<

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 No.16203

If attention from you will be positive I can let you subscribe to my YouTube channel.

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 No.16204

The person who said "plz plz can I stalk you >0<" yes you can

My discord is lee_lee_biiird

Add it. And message me. I hope you see this.

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 No.16205

>>16199

My discord is lee_lee_biiird

Message me

XOXO 💗💋

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 No.16183 [Open Thread][Watch Thread][Show All Posts]

What is wrong with me??

I am fucked up mentally. Ever since my birth I've been the most fearful guy in the room .I flinch easily, even things others don't even think about scare me. I've got terrible anxiety,and cannot connect well with anyone, I have an inferiority complex and cannot see others succeed , internally I hate everyone and wish their failure .I am clumsy af and have no mind body coordination, slow as fuck.I cannot even bond with my family well ,I stay away from them but don't even feel like calling them I do so only dutifully just for the sake of it , but still I get intense negative thoughts of losing them especially at night . I am a nerd and kinda have a very very good long term memory , which in turn also makes me remember negative stuff from years ago. I am in college but get anxious in the classroom . I have had this low gaze since childhood, I am always thinking about something and how hard I try my eyelids are always low , cannot make eye contact with people , and feel awkward in every sentence I speak. I am afraid of women and haven't had any female friends or even had an in person conversation with them for effectively my entire life. I don't even have any preferences, I will do whatever others say to me , I have no say in things , no decisions to make . Everything is fine to me , don't even form political opinions, I've too much info on both sides , that I just state facts but have no opinion. I am an atheist and have no purpose in life . This may sound like a rant but I am rotting away…idk if anyone would even read this

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 No.16202

It’s okay I feel you but all of this must be in your head if you always think badly everything you think about becomes reality,I advice you to go to a therapist for you anxiety and never think that your life has no purpose there is people that loves you pls take care :)

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 No.16188 [Open Thread][Watch Thread][Show All Posts]

does anyone else fantasize about necro? mainly just stroking them. i'm iffy about penetration, though if i were with someone i'd let them kill me then mutilate and mess with my body. as the years passed i found myself having more and more urges to hurt or kill others. what can i do about this?

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 No.16189

Go to a therapist or find help somewhere else. If it is a friend, family member, or someone else, just, get the help you need to support you. That should help

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 No.16200

I’m actually all the opposite of that I’m scared of getting hurt but you know there are role plays instead of really getting “hurt” you feel pain and plz if you feel like hurting someone or even thinking about murder go to a therapist :/

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