/mental/ - Mental Health, Illnesses and Disorders

So for a long time, I've had problems trying to find a woman to have a serious, commited, and loving relationship with due to the manic deppresive side of my schizo-affective disorder (sometimes the schizophrenic side but very rarely). I'm not an wizard because i've been with women, my issue is finding a soul mate specifically. I'm a 21 year old man who struggles with varying mood cycles and the occasional audio and visual hallucinations (which seem to get progressively worse); my thoughts also tend to be "really strong" at times (that's the best way for me to describe it; maybe overwhelmingly convincing is also adequate)

It's hard for me to understand how other women feel and i get very intense emotions of deppresion, admiration, and longing over little things like comments or body language (I'm hyper-perceptive so i tend to see every little detail and movement, which drives me up a fucking wall because my mind literally has to process it). When a girl isn't interested in a relationship after talking, i become deeply deppressed; when a girl calls me cute, i become super infatuated with them (i feel that these are more of an abandonment issue stemming from my mom though). I'm doing really good at controlling these feelings outwardly, but i feel like I'm loosing my mind and falling apart on the inside. I've talked to psychiatrists and councelors but even though i know whats wrong and I've been working on controlling my schizo-affective, i just feel like I'm getting nowhere and that finding a woman to love may be impossible

>what do anon-bros?

So, I'm currently in euphoria and I'll tell you why; I found the cause of my dissasociation.

If you don't know what that is, it's when you go into a numb-ish state and separate your mind from your reality. It's basically a coping method so you don't feel pain. I've had this for who knows how long, and I haven't felt "Alive" in YEARS, until today, I'm fucking lucid you guys! I actually feel grounded to reality!

https://maibergerinstitute.com/working-with-complex-ptsd-dissociation-and-emdr-therapy/

I have ADHD as well, but I'll have another thread for that one.

Since I have ADHD, I'll make this short. Grew up with a dysfunctional single mother, I was a toddler, she was an alcoholic and had times where she went to the hospital due to kidney failures. Fastforward, 8 years old, I was a spaz, brother did drugs, schizophrenia develops. Fast forward a few years, I am 10, brother goes into forced rehab since he's beaten my mom a few times thinking she is doing satanic rituals on him, and has planted a baby baphomet inside him, he is whisked to the nuthouse and comes back a zombie-ish person, all is well, for now.

Fast forward more years, I am 15, brother has a psychotic breakdown due to taking the wrong medicine, breaks all the windows in our apartment with his fists, spergs the fuck out, screams obscenities at my mom, threatening to kill her, my 3 year old sister is in the same room, being held by my 19 year old sister, I'm 5 feet away from him, frozen in his gaze, blood running down his arms, knife in hand, I am still frozen, completely powerless, catatonic. Somehow, my mom tells him our grandparents are outside, he loves them, so he goes outside to check, I bolt the fuck to the door, slam it shut and LOCK the bitch, then "You expected grandparents, no! It was us, the cops!", bro gets shot by rubber bullets, immediately snaps into his regular friendly persona and all is normal, but goes back into nuthouse. Schizophrenia is fucking crazy.

I go to the futon, shards and all, lay on it, bawl my fucking eyes out, nobody is there to comfort me, never felt lonelier in my life. BPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

fellow schizo and aspie friends i have question to you

do you have haptic hallucination of pinhead females crawling out your ass to lay eggs at your anus? i wonder if i would feel the same if i had no prior knowledge of biology of this parasite, im sceptical, i have not seen worms in my ass or shit but i do play with shit and feel something tiny crawling in my ass, i have never read about such hallucination, probably because schizos dont like talking about embarrassing things

i might play with shit because i like touching it (solid shit not fluid shit), asperger's syndrome has been suspected in me since my childhood but i have no official diagnosis of it

do you like playin with shit too?

ah i also had haptic hallucinations of flies and mosquitos landing on me, but again im not sure whether it was a hallucination

I understand ADD is not very sitnificant, but I hate losing my train of thought, my inabaility to really organize, my lack of motivation, me being easily distracted and my childish tendencies that occur when I'm alone. I hate how I am impatient frequently and how life seems so overbearing to me. Anyone else struggle with ADD?

is this what the common /mental/ lurker looks like

Hey is this the right board for a few mtf questions since I don't want to go back to /lgbt/ on 4chon? I'm a virgin in my early 30's and I'm thinking of taking female hormones so I can become more trapish. I'm pretty manly already, but if I can't get a gf, I at least want a girl's bubble butt to masturbate to, and maybe some tiny tits. Maybe I'll even do liposuction to get a bigger butt? As a plus I''ve read that estrogen can reduce my sex drive so I can stop fapping two hours a day and be more productive.

Post about embarrassing things your mental illness makes you do.

I compulsively pick at my face. Look closely at your pores: do you see some white stuff slightly poking out? That's called sebum, and boy is it satisfying to force it out of your skin. As we speak I have a big bleeding hole on my left cheek because I tore off too much skin. I still feel like squeezing that spot because some part of me thinks there might be even more sebum or cystic fluid hiding inside. It's gonna take at least a week to heal, and during that time I'll be too ashamed to show myself outside.

A part of me has wanted to die for years, I am unsatisfied with myself, with this life and I feel like I'm not really part of it. I just wish things could have gone different for me, and I'm sorry to everybody I've hurt or for the paraplegic child in my middleschool who died years ago, I never talked to you, but I remember you to the day you weren't there anymore. You deserved more than what I got. I am a weak person, and when my dad dies, I'll finally end it all.

I've developed an unhealthy obsession with a yg next door. Now as a person with conviction in his beliefs, I will not act on my Impulses or compulsions. Any advice on how to stay healthy and keep these pedophillic thoughts away?

what does it mean if you cry for three days straight even if you're taking all your jew pills like dr. skekelberg told you to?

I know this seems kind of cliche, but lately I'm getting pretty worried. You see, I am quite the hermit NEET, and due to this I have talked to myself since I was a kid. This was completely benign, I would make up imaginary adventures with friends and whatnot, but as I've grown up, the fantasies that I talk about seem to be getting worse and worse. Sometimes, when no one's around, I say things on repeat, like "I want/need to kill myself", "I have to die", "You're a waste of space, you deserve to burn in hell", and other stuff. Suicide, of course, has been on my mind for ages, but now, now I'm beginning to talk about my tendencies out loud. As it is, I nearly said I wanted to kill myself in front of my mother, just from the sheer habit of me saying it to myself countless times when I was alone in my room.

My dad has a gun in his shed, and I've been thinking of using it, but if I do I know my mother will blame him for it and make him sell his gun. He loves that gun. If I go through with my death wish, I'll have to use a different one, perhaps in the car away from the house. The only trouble is that I'm a poorfag, so I might just go the rout of hanging myself. I've found a nice, abandoned building to do it in, that way no one will find my body.

>All possible fetishes : scat zoo incest necro cannibalism uro bdsm small penises traps cartel dismembering pain rape…

>feels a lot of emotion but in fact, at the end nothing come out of me

>no future for me, no job, nothing even if i have a strong knowledge in everyting

>honestly want to die

>no family

>fat, multiple hormonal problem, small penis, breast, diabetes, hands shaking like shit everytime, not ugly but i haven't a masculin face

>poor & french

>one friend only and i see it few times a month

>lazy lazy lazy lazy lazy lazy

>fap 5 times a day

I surely forgot a lot of other stuffs but this describe my actual life