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/mental/ - Mental Health, Illnesses and Disorders

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You are the healing.

File: 8a9c4000adfa1e2⋯.mp4 (989.58 KB,480x480,1:1,VID_20180916_122752_969.mp4)

 No.14576

So, I'm currently in euphoria and I'll tell you why; I found the cause of my dissasociation.

If you don't know what that is, it's when you go into a numb-ish state and separate your mind from your reality. It's basically a coping method so you don't feel pain. I've had this for who knows how long, and I haven't felt "Alive" in YEARS, until today, I'm fucking lucid you guys! I actually feel grounded to reality!

https://maibergerinstitute.com/working-with-complex-ptsd-dissociation-and-emdr-therapy/

I have ADHD as well, but I'll have another thread for that one.

Since I have ADHD, I'll make this short. Grew up with a dysfunctional single mother, I was a toddler, she was an alcoholic and had times where she went to the hospital due to kidney failures. Fastforward, 8 years old, I was a spaz, brother did drugs, schizophrenia develops. Fast forward a few years, I am 10, brother goes into forced rehab since he's beaten my mom a few times thinking she is doing satanic rituals on him, and has planted a baby baphomet inside him, he is whisked to the nuthouse and comes back a zombie-ish person, all is well, for now.

Fast forward more years, I am 15, brother has a psychotic breakdown due to taking the wrong medicine, breaks all the windows in our apartment with his fists, spergs the fuck out, screams obscenities at my mom, threatening to kill her, my 3 year old sister is in the same room, being held by my 19 year old sister, I'm 5 feet away from him, frozen in his gaze, blood running down his arms, knife in hand, I am still frozen, completely powerless, catatonic. Somehow, my mom tells him our grandparents are outside, he loves them, so he goes outside to check, I bolt the fuck to the door, slam it shut and LOCK the bitch, then "You expected grandparents, no! It was us, the cops!", bro gets shot by rubber bullets, immediately snaps into his regular friendly persona and all is normal, but goes back into nuthouse. Schizophrenia is fucking crazy.

I go to the futon, shards and all, lay on it, bawl my fucking eyes out, nobody is there to comfort me, never felt lonelier in my life. Bottled it up. Feels absolutely wretched man.

It was at a time I didn't have many friends and was too much of an autist to express myself. Shortly after, I felt like nothing in my life was real, always felt tired, even MORE unfocused, and everything became a blur, the only thing that kept me going was music.

Today was different though, I caught myself in one of my triggers, before I knew it was one. Every time I hear someone laughing, crying, gasping or anything of the like, I associate it with intense pain, grieving and breakdowns and instantly shut everything out due to dysphoria. This time was different though, I sort of let it consume me, and I my trigger HIT me, and I had flashbacks. My brother, my mom, my heartbreaks, my abuse, my bullying. It all somehow came together and made me aware of who I was, and what ailed me all these years.

I linked everything together, and It was enlightening to know that when I didn't shut it out, I didn't feel "numb" feeling again like I've always had. Don't get me wrong, it was an awful feeling to experience, obviously PTSD shit isn't a great thing to experience, but everything came together, and now I'm another step away from seeking help.

I have a psychiatrist appointment at october 1st, so I'll be sure to talk to them about it.

____________________________
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 No.14580

File: 30787ed9e2c06aa⋯.png (88.41 KB,604x516,151:129,44vf9jf1xjky.png)

>>14576

Thanks for sharing this story friend. It was really interesting. Good for you that you were able to make progress. That's nice.

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 No.14593

Not TODAY alacrity demon.

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 No.14608

File: 84ccc044d1029bc⋯.jpg (58.88 KB,1080x594,20:11,ic-4873.jpg)

http://archive.is/RhnqK

http://archive.is/h5QEq

http://archive.is/TWn7K

http://archive.is/u2ZEJ

http://archive.is/TWn7K

Posting some research for those interested. It's more common to have PTSD if you have ADHD. Obviously having one doesn't mean the other. I'm pretty sure my mom has ADHD, but never knew what it was due to ignorance. Her fuckups led to one thing or another, she raised her kids wrong and bam, I have some trauma.

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 No.14638

>>14580

Thank you man, it means a lot.

Life will change! For me anyways.

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 No.14851

Finally got help. Taking 25mg of Zoloft, going to see if I can get my ADHD issue out of the way. Psychiatrist was very hesitant, but I came on too strong, she probably thought I was some college student trying to see amphetamines or something. Gonna take a blood test so they can see what's best for me.

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 No.14872

File: 9adff07c3d1ccfc⋯.jpg (235.16 KB,1600x1064,200:133,9adff07c3d1ccfc33d4101be50….jpg)

Update: I feel more normal, I'm not as antisocial as before, I feel "clean" so to speak, my sleep has improved. I'm assuming this was trauma induced depression, which closed off pathways in my brain that prevented proper function.

Everything is gonna be alright, guys.

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 No.14898

File: b7ebc3fd680128f⋯.jpg (333.23 KB,1440x709,1440:709,Screenshot_20181016-124353….jpg)

Another update: I'm still "sleepy" and Innatentive, so ADHD is still definitely an issue, did a blood test last monday of this week, gonna know the results of my gene this upcoming monday when I have another appointment with my shrink to see what they'll give me and I'll fight for my case if she refuses to give me the medicine I want. I still have troubles focusing and staying alert, it sucks so bad.

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 No.14914

>>14898

i had symptoms of adhd and i was diagnosed with adhd when i was a kid but having grown up and became an adult i wanted to see whether i still have it and it turned out that my cognivite impairment is due to stpd only

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 No.14943

>>14914

Lucky you.

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 No.14944

File: 95d82faaa7ad159⋯.jpg (89.45 KB,450x281,450:281,151515-bigthumbnail.jpg)

Update: Switched to wellbutrin, will take new meds every 2 weeks, my shrink REALLY wants to try every other option before giving me stimulants. I also got swab results back, it seems the reason for my weakness is a genetic folate deficiency due to mutation.

https://www.dietvsdisease.org/mthfr-c677t-a1298c-mutation/

Feel kind of numb, slow but not as tired, just empty headed, borderline zombified. I had an issue where I would have very low energy and tiredness would fuck my shit up.

I don't think it's fixed, but I don't feel as impatient when doing shit.

My first day on this new medicine, let's see how other days treat me. Honestly, Zoloft and Ritalin would probably be best, and I should get back into ketosis. Only way to feel energy and lose weight.

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 No.14984

Update:

WELLBUTRIN IS FUCKING DOGSHIT.

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 No.14992

Left my psychiatrist a note, went back into Zoloft but still feel shitty and can't focus. It's like the wellbutrin ruined what I had going with it.

I know she is going to refuse to give me a stim because she thinks I'm a junkie or something. This is horrible.

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 No.15006

File: 814a34af2782b40⋯.jpg (478.14 KB,1236x1209,412:403,Screenshot_20181017-101629….jpg)

Alright. Zoloft has settled once more, I am stable again, I feel good. Thank the lord.

I really want my shrink to give me a stim, antidepressants won't work for ADHD, I've already found what works for my depression/trauma anyways.

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 No.15027

File: 038eeb1ba743b7d⋯.jpg (56.71 KB,408x322,204:161,Screenshot_20181101-202653….jpg)

Wow. I had a breakdown at work, but it was in the best possible situation.

The receptionist was arguing with a temporary supervisor because he was being a hardass without getting to know us, fast foward, we have a stalemate, begin to understand each other and open up about respect and our misunderstanding.

He tells us his story and it triggered one of my flashbacks, I start hyperventilating and start fucking screaming. Obviously, no one calls the cops because they know me, and can take it into their own hands if need be, which is what I like about them.

I calmed down, and we bonded over our breaking points lmao. Still feel on edge, but it's fucking weird how I actually managed to burst at that moment.

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 No.15044

File: c77993eff2f4812⋯.png (89.4 KB,1500x1500,1:1,07caced047b3f24a3e8b5e1b15….png)

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 No.15055

>>15044

What even is this?

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 No.15066

>>15044

>>15055

>dig deeper

checked

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 No.15191

Finally ran out of zoloft, so I'm taking wellbutrin again. It's not that bad, honestly. I probably just took it too soon last time.

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 No.15192

Nevermind. It's basically sugarpills.

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