/mental/ - Mental Health, Illnesses and Disorders

Recently I've felt a massive rage inside me like bubbling magma. I don't know how to express it or vent so I usually just cry out of frustration. I hate feeling this way.

What do?

When I was little, it was pretty clear I wasn't normal. I wasn't gullible like other children. I took everything seriously. I would throw fits about random things. Instead of taking me to a doctor, my parents decided to beat me until I would stay quiet. I would lay there in the floor, crying silently. My dad would tell me to "man up" and call me a wuss when I cried when I hurt. Some times, my mom would laugh as she hit me. When I was 12, I was diagnosed with severe anxiety. My parents, being like they are, used this as a way to threaten me to keep me quiet. They told me, every time I got angry at all (no matter how severe) that they would put me in a mental hospital and have the state take me away for my families safety. Now that I am older, I no longer feel emotions. The only emotion I feel is anger. I don't cry, I don't laugh, I don't smile. I can't look people in the eyes. I don't like talking. I only get angry. When people compliment me, I get angry. Sometimes, I get flashbacks to when my parents would beat me, and I get so angry that I punch things and smash things until my hands bleed or I hurt too much to keep going. I don't know what to do. I am still in high school. I don't want to go to the school because I am scared I would be turned over to the state. I can't go to my parents because they would turn me over to the state. My dad would not care. I am lost. I don't know what to do.

I am in need of your advice, anons.

This condition has become a burden to my existence. I am in control of my actions(philosophically, to an acceptable degree), but not very much for my thoughts. This is causing me a lot of trouble in my life, I can't be social, because i'm kinda afraid of people(unless i'm at work, where the environment and the interactions are predictable), I get anxiety attacks when I do any form of a speech or a presentation, because of all the unstoppable thoughts of failure and doubt, I sometimes look at people sexually even though I don't want to, and really try not to, I just can't control it, it's very embarrassing.

The main problem with OCD is that the more you try to shut these thoughts off, the more intensively you'll have them, it's so easy for someone to simply say "relax", but I can't, it's sort of a paradox at this point.

Society is only familiar with the acceptable side of OCD, like wanting everything to be ordered or aligned, seeking perfection all the time. This is why when you mention having OCD, it doesn't resonate with them as a serious mental problem.

When I was young it wasn't obsessive to that degree, it started to affect me slightly starting from high school, but I didn't know what's going on, until late in college, when I got really fed up with it, I started reading about it, but knowing what's going on didn't help much, i'm 26 yo now and leaving my apartment is an everyday challenge for me, and not leaving the apartment only worsen my condition.

I always ask myself "why me ?", but i've come to realize that it's pointless to ask, somebody's gotta fill in the crazy guy role.

Ok, i know it's not a complain about how fucked up you are thred but i don't know where else could i post this.

>Be me

>Be a 18 yo male

>Only get an erection through the fantasy of getting fucked or suck a dick

>Somehow attracted to girls, but not sexually

>Just want cuddle,kiss and that they'll see me get fucked by a boy while they'd be laughing at me

>Hates girl and thinking sometimes that they doesn't deserve to live

>Wish i'd be dominated during sex just as women does

>Attracted by young pubert boys to teenagers age

>Can't act on those fantasies because it's prohibited

>Tries to find a bf who are at least 16 yo but unable to find any because socially isolated

>Only person i speak to is a 16 yo girl but i hate her and love her at the same time. i mostly just texts her abouts my fantasies with boys, some fucked up lies i told and she doesn't even answer me most of the time or she just text me i'll go to bed

>Got in jail for half a day last year because of a similar situation with an other girl (22yo) in which i lyed about having done screwed up shit

>Grindr suck even though i'm curently in touch with a 17 yo boy

>Is on medication and went through some kinds of very fucked up thoughts about illusive worlds and spiritual things

What can i do to find a girl who'd like to be my friend and would like to speak about boys just as like all the others gay stereotyped person that we think of are with , ,i wish i could move to another place for a couple of week to find this kind of girl but i'm constantly either working or studying. And i'm also turned on about the desire of having sex with a teenage boy who'd be at least 16yo .

Let's talk.

Why do we still live?

A lot of us have been through crazy bullshit. I've been to two mental hospitals and been diagnosed with MDD and PTSD, probably have some of anxiety disorder as well, and it's troublesome to do anything anymore. I have to force myself to get out of bed, or do a simple task like talk to someone. But I mean, that's not the point.

My point is, that no matter how bad it gets, it still seems like I want to live. Even if offing myself feels like the most logical choice since life brings a lot more pain than pleasure, I still feel myself wanting to live. Why?

I often find myself at a loss of words to describe a feeling of profound loneliness accompanied with a bittersweet realization of the meaninglessness of existence. Is there a word for this?

Sticky threads are cancer so i'll host the thread normally.

>Don't shit up the board and you'll be fine.

>Moderation will be very lax.

Feel free to post suggestions or questions ITT which i might or might not ignore entirely.

>Something about psychiatry, perhaps its historical ties to psychoanalysis and the anti-religious views of the early analysts such as Sigmund Freud, seems to dissuade religious medical students from choosing to specialize in this field,"

>RELIGIOUS physicians are more likely to refer patients to clergy than psychologists.

Hello, lost spirits of the world, this is a new face speaking to you.

Not much of a surprise to people, this board has been inactive as of late, so the old BO relinquished their position and I have claimed it, not much will change in terms of moderation, nor will I remove the style of the board aside from replacing a few banners, cycling threads amongst other thinks that come to mind. Community suggestions are always welcome, the plan is to give people some sort of power in this place, whether it is reminding you to wash your clothes, helping you realize the good you've done, confirming a certain diagnosis or emotion, to talking rising above the events of your now dead relatives that abused you when they were alive.

It does not matter the situation, this place is made for outcasts; for the people that don't fit the mold of society, or even the internet as of right now, or ever, the hurt and hurting, the deformed, the broken and undesirable, the rejected, the angry, the strange, the depressed, the ravenous, the unstable, the dangerous, the addicts, the traumatized, the sickened, the lonely, the empty, the unloved, the frustrated, the disillusioned, the insane, the anxious and scared, the dying, the starved, the mad, the bleeding self harming, the mocked, the hysterical, the sadistic, the desperate, the dysfunctional, the confused, the abused, the hollow and desolate self loathing yearning piles of human garbage that just want to be reminded why they're still living here, the people who need solace, the people who are on the verge of hurting others, the ones who have never had a good thing in their entire lives, the people who want advice for something that is troubling them, the people who want understanding and closure, and lastly, the suicidal. It does not matter who you are or what situation you are in. We are here for you, this is the purpose of the board.

There's not much to discuss as of yet, so if you have any questions, feel free to ask me. I'm a very transparent person so I can answer most questions without a second thought.

tl;dr - you are heard.

Mental illness is not a Gender. Prove me wrong!