I know this seems kind of cliche, but lately I'm getting pretty worried. You see, I am quite the hermit NEET, and due to this I have talked to myself since I was a kid. This was completely benign, I would make up imaginary adventures with friends and whatnot, but as I've grown up, the fantasies that I talk about seem to be getting worse and worse. Sometimes, when no one's around, I say things on repeat, like "I want/need to kill myself", "I have to die", "You're a waste of space, you deserve to burn in hell", and other stuff. Suicide, of course, has been on my mind for ages, but now, now I'm beginning to talk about my tendencies out loud. As it is, I nearly said I wanted to kill myself in front of my mother, just from the sheer habit of me saying it to myself countless times when I was alone in my room.
My dad has a gun in his shed, and I've been thinking of using it, but if I do I know my mother will blame him for it and make him sell his gun. He loves that gun. If I go through with my death wish, I'll have to use a different one, perhaps in the car away from the house. The only trouble is that I'm a poorfag, so I might just go the rout of hanging myself. I've found a nice, abandoned building to do it in, that way no one will find my body.