/hikki/ - Hikikomori

>>5260

>The media attention on us hikikomori has escalated dramatically in the last 20 or so years, but a lot of the people who talk about it or research say that there have been hikkis since the 1980s.

The first generation of hikikomori in Japan started in the 70s and 80s a decent size of them still remain isolated in their rooms to this very day they are in their 40s and 50s now.

>The statistics say that a lot of hikkis are older, like 30-45

I don't know about international statistics and there probably aren't any but in Japan the average age of a hikikomori is between 15-32.

>I can't imagine what it was like to be a hikki before internet existed.

They slept all day read books played video games watched vhs movies watched tv listened to music ect. when the internet came around it was just a brand new tool for people like us to use to communicate with the outside world and find other people like us.

>>5277

>I'm only 25 but I often think about what my life will be like in another 10+ years.

Same here also i am 25 as well.

>I wonder how I will sustain myself, what I will do with my free time, and what the world around me will become.

I think about this all the time i always question whether or not i would be able to succeed in the outside world and live a normal life out in society or if i would continue to live like this for another 10 + years maybe even more.

>>5280

>Let me ask you this though, don't you think isolation has changed with the internet? Hikkis back in the 1980s vs. Hikkis now, there must be a big difference in how we live vs. how they lived. I dunno. it makes me wonder about what the internet has done

Before the internet hikkis for the most part really had no way to communicate with the outside world and then when the internet was invented that changed. The internet also gave birth to a new different kind of reclusive person in the west the internet addicted basement dweller people who live with their parents and are socially withdrawn due to internet addiction.

>>5525

>I fear i will be one of these hikkis that are 30+ and completely isolated.

Same here i'm 24 almost 25 and i have 5 years until i turn 30 i want to remain a hikki while at the same time i don't and i know how you feel anon i'm also scared of the future and what would happen to me once i hit my 30s or even 40s.

>>5590

>I'm 25. Will be a wizard in 5 years.

Same here.

>They should care less about that, less about being judgemental and more about understanding sensory overload, because I think that's the most common cause. I believe most hikikomoris are on the spectrum, at least a little bit autistic, and that symptom in particular is the biggest reason why I can't live in this society.

This is very true i think the Japanese ministry of health labor and welfare has actually compared hikikomori to the extreme social withdrawal seen by people on the autism spectrum in the wes so it makes sense to say that a decent majority of hikikomori are actually on the autism spectrum which is one of the reasons why we can't adapt to societal standards and fit in society sensory overload, is a problem and it gets to the point where work or school and even responsibility to an extent become too much for an individual to handle so they lock themselves away. And as i have said before as well i can also sympathize with the young people of this generation who are becoming Neets because they can't handle the stress of work or school and they are also starting to realize that the system that we have put in place is broken.

>My brain isn't wired for modern life, so the stress eventually got to me. I assume a lot of you are similar. As things get worse, the levels of stress will go over what more and more people can tolerate.

Can relate you can only take so much that you eventually reach your breaking point.

>I do exercise in my room, so I can run as well, if I have to go to places, at some point.

Same here.

>>5606

>I legitimately think that this is the main reason why we are in this situation. It's the one thing that seems to explain everything

Exactly i'm technically not the only hikikomori in my family my stepbrother is going through the same thing right now he's in the first stage of hikikomori skipping school avoiding social situations not opening up to the family about his problems and bottling himself up and spending all his time in his room and staying up late at night. I don't know if my stepbrother is autistic although he does display some autistic characteristics and he has mentioned that one of the reasons he ended up like this is because he's upset over his parents divorcing i do feel bad for him tbh and i don't want him to end up like me.

>Living like a normal person is incredibly stressful for us because we're not normal. Our brains are physically different from normal brains.

True.

>I'm going to see a therapist so I can get diagnosed. And that's terrible, because knowing that I have to leave the house (and leaving my routine in general, but especially leaving the house).

I was seeing a therapist but than i stopped going because i felt like he didn't understand me plus he for some reason stopped going into work and disappeared the guy was 73 years old so i think he ether retired or died.

>Being sleep deprived makes me depressed and suicidal, so I really worry about sleeping well, so you can see how hard it is for me to do anything at all other than continuing to be a hikikomori.

This is how i feel for the past few weeks i've felt very depressed because i've been sleep deprived going to bed at 7 am and sleeping until 8 pm i just waste a entire day sleeping and the other night i slept in my closet and cried i'm very scared of the future and what will happen to me in like 10 20 years from now if i am still living like this or somehow breakout of it.

>The other cause is that normalfags refuse to analyze and understand things properly. Anyone that knows a decent amount about autism should see the obvious correlation there.

This is a huge problem when i first started shutting myself away my parents thought it was just a phase that i would eventually grow out of and my dad thought the internet was to blame. Back when i lived with my parents i tried explaining to them more then once that the internet isn't the reason i'm withdrawn and that i just use it as form of escapism and a communication tool but they didn't wanna listen so they would try to force me out of my room by forcing me to go to school and social events or by taking the internet away sometimes it worked but for the most part it didn't because i still had other sources of entertainment in my room like video games and tv and i would always get violent with my parents when they refused to listen to me. The same thing is happening to my stepbrother now my dad still thinks it's internet addiction and he thinks by putting a time limit on how much time my stepbrother can spend on the computer he will eventually come out when that's not the case internet addiction and Hikikomori are two different kinds of social withdrawal and it both pisses me off and makes me sad that they are not even acknowledging my way of life and realizing that there is a problem they have complained about my behavior in the past but at the same time they continue to enable it so i get two different conflicting messages from them.

>>5609

I hope I get lucky and my first therapist understands it. I am going there with the specific goal of showing that I am obviously autistic, so maybe it won't be too bad. Seems to be mostly a luck thing, from what I hear, and you just gotta find the right therapist. And about taking things away, I know that it doesn't work because I didn't have anything to do for much of my childhood since I had a limited supply of games and I wasn't allowed to use the computer all day every day (though I used it more and more over time, from barely using it at all in the 90s, to using it quite a bit when I was 8, to using it all goddamn day in 2003 and later). I couldn't use the internet as much as I wanted in the early days, so I spent the vast majority of my time sitting in my room lost in my own imagination. That's still what I do when I'm not doing something else. I had a more limited supply of games as well. Got a GBC when I was 6 and spent many thousands of hours on that and then many thousands of hours on my PS1 that I got two years later, but even then I still spent a lot of time lost in my own mind, since I didn't always feel like playing the games that I already had played so much.

And about your brother, if there is something to diagnose there, I assume that it would be helpful to do it sooner than later. If you can confirm that he's on the spectrum, maybe you can try to explain how it works to your parents. It's kinda hard, though. I have an entire family of dumbasses and I realize that about as early as it was possible to, so I know what trying to explain things to people is like. I guess you can feel better knowing that at the very least, if this happens to your brother as well, he will know that he's not the first and only one to end up like that. In my case, there's nothing like it in my family. They are all fucked up, but not autistic, and they are all extroverted, so none of them gave a shit about trying to understand me, they judged me and/or abused me, from the day I was born. It's not nearly as bad now that I understand my own situation, but as a kid it was a nightmare. I didn't know what the hell was going on, in any situation, because nothing made sense to me. A 5 or 6 year old shouldn't be thinking about suicide, but I was doing it. I'm pretty lucky to be alive, really, considering that I had no one to connect to for so long. When I look at my past, I see a recipe for disaster. I guess I have done a pretty damn good job raising myself after all.

>>5617

Autism increases the amount of stress that most normal activities cause, so if that's your condition, it's only natural that you will be one of the first people to not be able to cope with life. You can't take as much stress as most people, and many things will cause you more stress than they would to a normal person. I actually talked to the therapist for the first time ever yesterday (and will talk to my family next week, since they won't understand me no matter what I say, but they might if an actual professional explains the situation and what my limitations are), and she actually confirmed that exact point, so it seems like my reasoning was correct, and that I do have a proper understanding of sensory overload.

The modern world is terrible, and we are more vulnerable to all of its bullshit. Normal people are also terrible, so they only make things worse with their lack of understanding. I was a sleep-deprived mess, so my list of symptoms really helped me talk about it until I got used to the situation. Actually understanding myself helped quite a bit. She said that I am completely right, and that I'm definitely on the spectrum. It was very easy to diagnose since I recognized everything myself and wrote it down. Now I can say for sure that it's the reason why I am the way I am. It's not just self-diagnosis. In fact, my analytical mind, my ability to recognize my own symptoms, my ability to find out how other people function, the list itself and the fact that I planned the entire interaction before it happened, all of those things were themselves signs of being on the spectrum. She seems to think that I raised myself pretty well, all things considered. Over time, by observing and analyzing every interaction, I learned how society works and how normal people function, and that allowed me to hide part of my symptoms at least from my family. Learned quite a bit from being treated like shit by everyone. I guess I was lucky, since many people never get to the point that they actually at least understand how these things function. Still, I mostly learned that people are irrational and their behavior makes no logical sense a lot of the time. At least I'm prepared for most of their nonsense, since I can see it coming.

Anyway, if you think about, everyone is pretty screwed. Even normal people are eating antidepressants like popcorn nowadays just to survive (and some just replace it with the correct type of weed for the situation, if it's legal where they live (not in my case), and I assume that's at least healthier than the pharmaceutical solution, since at least it's a natural thing) . These medications are actually artificially preventing the collapse of society, to an extent (and none of the people taking them are mentally healthy at all, and I assume that the consequences are still there, growing, but repressed by the medication). I actually got lucky, because my first therapist was actually a good one. It could easily have been some idiot that just screamed at me and then drugged me, but it wasn't. I want to avoid these substances entirely. Even if I'm forced to stop being a hikikomori, I still don't want anything to do with those things. The ideal solution would be to find some way to continue to live in a way that's compatible with my brain. Autism isn't a mental illness, so I don't think taking these substances and possibly damaging myself would be justified. My brain is physically different from other brains, but it's not damaged. I just have to live in a way that it can handle. As long as I can do that, I can feel pretty good about myself. The most difficult thing for me is that I don't feel much of a need to become self-sufficient, because my survival isn't threatened at all right now. I can logically justify not doing anything, very easily.

Anyway, I think you should try to understand yourself and find out what is going on in your head, and then you can maybe talk to a professional (or many, if you don't get a good one on your first try). Getting diagnosed can be useful. Maybe you will have access to resources that can help you, but mostly it's good to know for sure what is causing your issues, and the therapist can explain everything to your family if they don't listed to you.

>>5610

>And about taking things away, I know that it doesn't work because I didn't have anything to do for much of my childhood since I had a limited supply of games and I wasn't allowed to use the computer all day every day (though I used it more and more over time, from barely using it at all in the 90s, to using it quite a bit when I was 8, to using it all goddamn day in 2003 and later). I couldn't use the internet as much as I wanted in the early days, so I spent the vast majority of my time sitting in my room lost in my own imagination

I did this as well i didn't use the internet much at all when i was a kid because back then it was so shitty i mostly would watch tv or spend time in my room lost in my own imagination. You know it's kinda funny as a small child i used to be very hypersocial and very outgoing and i had very many friends but all that changed when i entered into my adolescence.

>And about your brother, if there is something to diagnose there, I assume that it would be helpful to do it sooner than later. If you can confirm that he's on the spectrum, maybe you can try to explain how it works to your parents.

That's true although i feel like they still won't listen to me because i've tried to explain to them many times as to why i would get violent with them and that the internet isn't the reason i'm withdrawn and that i just use it as a form of escapism and a communication tool. They are doing the same thing with my stepbrother now i called my dad on the phone and tried to explain to him what hikikomori is and that my stepbrother is suffering with the syndrome i even recommended my dad to read the book hikikomori adolescence without end by Tamaki Saitō but he refuses to and thinks that it's all made up which pissess me off to be honest.

>I . didn't know what the hell was going on, in any situation, because nothing made sense to me. A 5 or 6 year old shouldn't be thinking about suicide, but I was doing it. I'm pretty lucky to be alive, really, considering that I had no one to connect to for so long. When I look at my past, I see a recipe for disaster. I guess I have done a pretty damn good job raising myself after all.

Glad to hear that you were able to pull yourself out of that anon.

>>5692

I know very well how it's like to deal with people that just refuse to listen. If they weren't like that, maybe I could have been diagnosed much earlier and my life could have been better. Talked to the therapist a while ago (using a list of symptoms that I wrote, so I could say everything more easily, quickly and efficiently), and my autism was actually really obvious after all, so it was immediately confirmed. Now the therapist will talk to my family in like, ten days, and that's the next thing I'm waiting for. That was one reason why I went there in the first place. If people don't give enough of a shit to listen to me directly and try to understand what I have to say, and maybe even research the subject at least a little, they can just go and talk to a professional that can do the job for me. Talking about my issues takes a lot of emotional and mental effort on my part, since it goes against my nature in the first place, so I decided to stop wasting time and to just let the professional handle it.

There are things that I simply can't do, and they have to accept that. It's not actually a mental illness since there are a lot of benefits, though those benefits may cause issues as well (one example being that my mind is obsessed with things making sense and being efficient, so I end up not following social norms that don't make logical sense, and a lot of them don't, at all, and following those stresses me out because of how dumb I feel when I do), and it wouldn't have been an issue in the past, in a healthier, smaller society, but my brain is different, so I can't handle as much stress as a normal person can in this diseased society (that even a lot of normal people need medication to be able to survive in, and that may have already collapsed at this point if it wasn't for antidepressants and other drugs).

I am practically disabled even concerning a few things that I can do, but not safely. Like, I can drive, but it's a dangerous thing for me to do because of the sensory overload (and when I get really stressed, I get lost in my own mind and don't even see what I'm doing), so they shouldn't force me to do it, especially considering how many accidents I caused (and almost caused one that could have hurt me pretty bad, that actually made me refuse to drive since then), and how depressed those situations made me. Working is difficult, because there are very few jobs that I can handle, since they have to meet quite a lot of conditions, so they can't expect me to go back to college (possibly the worst environment for me) and become an engineer or whatever. I kinda have to be poor, actually, but I don't mind as long as I can be mentally healthy. Hopefully my plan will work and they will understand at least a little bit how hard it actually is for me to stop being a hikikomori, and that I will simply never be truly normal. They want me to be a rich normalfag that blows money on dumb shit, but that will never happen. Even if I made a lot of money, I wouldn't spend it anyway since I am naturally obsessed with efficiency. Socially, I can't interact with more than one person at once that much either, and if I'm not used to the other person, even that takes quite a bit of effort on my part, and even if it is the case, if it's not a guy like me (I can't stand women, they annoy the shit out of me and their voices tend to really irritate my senses), it still won't be pleasant for me. The best they can hope for is for me to be able to work at all, and still live a pleasant life (and I don't need much in order to be able to do that).

>>5697

>I know very well how it's like to deal with people that just refuse to listen. If they weren't like that, maybe I could have been diagnosed much earlier and my life could have been better. Talked to the therapist a while ago (using a list of symptoms that I wrote, so I could say everything more easily, quickly and efficiently), and my autism was actually really obvious after all, so it was immediately confirmed. Now the therapist will talk to my family in like, ten days, and that's the next thing I'm waiting for. That was one reason why I went there in the first place. If people don't give enough of a shit to listen to me directly and try to understand what I have to say, and maybe even research the subject at least a little, they can just go and talk to a professional that can do the job for me. Talking about my issues takes a lot of emotional and mental effort on my part, since it goes against my nature in the first place, so I decided to stop wasting time and to just let the professional handle it.

I understand that very well. my parents don't listen to my problems either and they don't even have enough time to sit with me, not that I want them to do so anyway. by they're pushing me towards success and getting my life back on track again, they want me to join a university, even though they know I can't handle it.

I'm overly autistic, have sever social anxiety and depression, but they want me to go to a university nonetheless. I've tried so much to explain to them how is it like for me to not being able to function properly in the real world but they never understood me quite well.

So lately they've took me to a psychiatrist and he explained to them how is it hard to me to join society again, and that they don't have to pull me out of my room by force, nevertheless the medications didn't work as they expect and they started forcing me to get out of my room again.

They make me think about suicide alot and actually I've tried to do it once in my room but I failed.

> Hopefully my plan will work and they will understand at least a little bit how hard it actually is for me to stop being a hikikomori,

I hope it will work out for you man and you won't end up like me

> and that I will simply never be truly normal. They want me to be a rich normalfag that blows money on dumb shit, but that will never happen. Even if I made a lot of money, I wouldn't spend it anyway since I am naturally obsessed with efficiency. Socially, I can't interact with more than one person at once that much either, and if I'm not used to the other person, even that takes quite a bit of effort on my part, and even if it is the case, if it's not a guy like me

I know how is it like when your parents force you to be a normal person who dumb money on the latest iphone, and have a new model car. while all you want is to live a simple life and be able to support yourself in your small world. but even that takes alot of energy for people like us, we simply can't work in a job constantly until we retire and I have no idea how the 'normals' are able to do that, if I get a job I will get fired instantly and retreat to my room again because I can't handle talking to people especially strangers, I can only talk to my parents. and I encounter problems while trying to talk to my siblings too. so I can't get a job and function normally as they want me to do. they think I've failed them but I never asked for money or fancy things, I live a very simple life in my room. and I don't even by video games or books or anything. I have little to too few clothes and I don't ask for much. I'm happy living like that (aside from the crippling loneliness and depression) and I don't want the latest car or the latest brand new phone

but they don't understand that. they will push you towards the normal life, they will tell you go to the college once you go there, they will ask you to make friends. and then they will tell you hey anon now you've friends why don't you find a nice roastie and have a good relationship with her. once you're in a relationship now you've to reproduce and make babies so that your parents can play with them.

I didn't ask for that shit I just want a simple life away from all this sick society

>>5702

Our situation looks pretty similar. Normal people tend to have a ridiculously narrow perspective, since they have no curiosity and never try to think of anything that doesn't conform to their norms. Never thinking about anything in general because the average intelligence is actually pretty low. The way that they are explains pretty well how the world can get so bad (in all of history, it's just one huge cycle of people that are different being persecuted by the people in their own society, the witch hunt has always been a thing) and they don't even notice anything wrong. Not being like them is a lot like being an alien in a human body. Someone has to explain and force them to understand how our brains work, and explain in a way that even a retard could understand, so maybe they can maybe kinda reluctantly accept that we're different, since you can never expect perfect results from these people. It's probably easier if they think of us as aliens.

Anyway, I don't intend to give up. Despite all that, I have way too much fun to just die, despite being arguably the most pessimistic human to ever live (not even getting into it, or it will be a huge rant about how much of a failure life on this planet actually is, and definitely a rant about how having children is one of the most immoral things you can do today, no matter the excuse). Even analyzing humanity and discovering the depths of its insane behavior is fun and rewarding to some extent. I think I can handle a job, but it has to be something mindless and repetitive or basically nothing to do, without a whole lot of people around, and there are a few jobs like that. Nothing that would require college, for sure. Money doesn't matter because of the efficiency thing. You need very little to live. You can be the modern Diogenes. You can reach autism nirvana and become Asperger's Buddha if you want to. Hell, I would like to live near a recycling center eventually so I can just get things that I want for free, even if I have to fix a lot of them (and I won't want new technology very much at all, since it will all be Orwellian garbage, because of the IoT insanity that will turn everything into phones (that I refuse to own, and if forced to own one, it will have to be something that guarantees my privacy, running on free software that can be verified and confirmed to be safe, not connected to the internet or anything else at all), and none of it will last very long either). Normalfags are so wasteful that you can live like a king even if you barely have any resources, as long as you are an ascetic and you have the intelligence and curiosity to just figure out how to get what you want, you can be the Garbage King, and you can have a lot of fun working on things, trying to improve your own live using only your skills. I don't mind being the Neoplatonist version of a Buddhist monk, and keeping all the entertainment that I already enjoy as well, on top of that. Sounds like a perfect life to me.

(the post was too long, part 2 ahead)

>>5702

>>5703

Eating can be really cheap as well if you eat simple (if it requires a (complicated) recipe, it's generally a waste of time, and it's probably not as good for you) and healthy food (and drink water and milk, none of those disgusting addictive sodas that make you fat and sick, and you can even make your own alcohol if you have enough self-control to drink the same acceptable amount (that will never give you a hangover in your life) forever and never build your resistance), and you don't have to do it as much as people think. Eat to live, not the opposite, for the most part. I only do it once a day anyway, and it's still way more than enough. Our bodies are made specifically to be able to endure considerable amounts of scarcity, and once you get your addictions out of your system, it becomes really clear just how efficient the human body can be if it's properly trained and fueled correctly with the natural products that it was made to consume (most of which are really cheap, with the biggest exception being meat, but you don't need a massive amount of it, especially to eat with other things, so you can just eat a lot of eggs and vegetables, cheap stuff). Basically, you only need somewhere to live and electricity (mostly for fun things). Cars are generally unnecessary as well. Not like you're going anywhere anyway, and running is good for your health regardless. Clothes aren't an issue. I have been using the same clothes for more than a decade and I have a full closet of clothes that I have never even used. Entertainment, except for hardware (that you can get if you save money, and the old stuff tends to be better, so you can get it all used), is generally free. If you think about it, surviving is insanely easy. People that pressure you to do things the normal way are just boring and inefficient consumerist slaves. They could retire very early if they lived like this and saved the rest of their income. It seems like people that know the value of money have no income, and the people that don't are the ones getting all the money, and they never save any of it. It almost sounds like a joke (many people in my family could easily have many millions in the bank if they weren't complete idiots, but they always find a way to be in debt no matter how much they make).

If I get a job (night shift security seems to be the best option for now, probably guarding the local supermarket while it's closed or whatever, or maybe just dragging heavy shit around, since I don't mind physical labor as long as it doesn't involve other people very much, because it won't cause me mental stress and anxiety, and it definitely can be enjoyable), I will still try to continue to live here so I can save more money. I don't want any debts, so I have been saving allowance money for an apartment since I was a kid (and people have always complained that I don't spend it). If I save everything for a few years, even with very low income, I should have enough money for that way before I truly need it.

Goddamn, I am one hell of a compulsive writer. Could the autism be causing this as well?

>>5705

Warning: I don't even want to post this. I am autism incarnate.

(this post went into many things that I didn't intend to go into, but I'll just keep it as it is, since it allows people to see a little picture of how my mind works and mu thoughts flow, and study it, also why I ended up isolated from humanity, what I mean when I say I get lost in my own mind, and why any issues that I have are multiplied immensely by the fact that I can't stop thinking once my mind gets going)

Glad to help. Part of the reason why I write anything is to help other people find a way of living a good life and find their own ways of developing. Even if I can't do it myself, if someone else can do it that's a little bit of a victory for me, and I think it's guaranteed that it works a certain percentage of the time. In a way, similar people are the same person to some extent. Individuality is always a little bit blurry conceptually, since you are a collection of traits and information that are eternal and not truly exclusive to anything, so I see it as technically helping parts of myself, in a weird way. Every chair is still a chair, and an object that you sit on that can possess a certain spectrum of shapes. Similarly, every consciousness is just a consciousness no matter the body it inhabits, and no matter what ideas it may have, so individuality isn't defined by a consciousness, but by its reunion with the physical world (that contains the elements that compose your body) and the world of ideas (that contains the elements that compose your mind). It's basically a more philosophical spin on reincarnation, and it proves that to help others it to help yourself, and by helping someone that is more like you, you are helping yourself more.

One reason (of many) why I'm against people having children at this point is that it's mathematically possible for someone exactly like me to be born in this exact world (and even for there to be another being almost exactly like myself out there right now), and I wouldn't want that. It's pretty much guaranteed that there is an infinite number of myself or almost myself in other worlds that aren't shit (and all versions of myself would be an infinitely small part of a higher equivalent of myself, mathematically, I assume, like a cube compared to a tesseract, for instance, following the principle that a 3D object is composed of an infinite number of 2D objects), so I see no urgency to preserve this particular world when everything is clearly going in a downwards spiral, possibly towards a world of immortal beings that will torment each other until at least the current form of this universe ends for one reason or another (and it will, because everything has to begin and end in essentially zero or one, which is basically the intersection of all of existence and non-existence, and what a lot of people would call nothing, but with infinite potential, and what you were part of before you were born, with no ties at all to time) no matter what it is), or just robots that work for no reason and don't really feel anything, which is what will probably happen at some point if we aren't wiped out. Having children when you can't make sure that they will be fine no matter how they end up is just an act of creation that perpetuates every problem that this world has. The vast majority of parents are like tiny demiurges, if you think about it. It's disgusting.

As you can see, my mind has been through a lot of shit, being alone all this time. Maybe it's all incomplete philosophy, or madness, or maybe I lifted the veil a little bit and actually understand life, death and the nature of reality to a better than usual extent, and have partial awareness of my multiversal nature. One or the other or a little bit of both, but it seems to be compatible with a lot of ancient ideas and religions, so it can't be too bad. Doesn't matter, because it's fun. In fact, contemplation has actually always been something that allows hermits to be hermits. I believe most of them had similar minds as well.

How the hell did I get here?

>>5709

All the previous posts were me holding back as I usually do (in order to avoid ruining one of the few good boards in here with seemingly unrelated subjects), but I wrote too many things in a row, so my mind stimulated itself too much, got out of control and then that happened. I tend to scare myself occasionally, so I generally delete posts like that, but it's a little bit relevant here since it's a huge reason why I ended up the way I am, and became hikikomori. My obsession with details and how things are connected takes me to weird places. My tangents literally go outside of the universe sometimes, and that was one of those times for sure. At least the release temporarily makes me stop thinking and stop caring about serious discussions for a little while.

If my autism could be harnessed, America would probably turn it into a bomb like everything else instead of something useful, and it would be disastrous. If Alex Jones doesn't like gay frogs, I would like to see what he would think if they became gay and autistic and every person with a learning disability on the planet become early Chris Chan, because some engineer in the military decided that weaponizing my brain was a good idea. It would probably result in a really good angry screaming compilation webm.

>>5711

Wish I could just compile things that I say everywhere and print them along with a contextual description of the discussion (so I wouldn't have to show what other people said), and show them to the therapist after they are all gone (after the anonymous ones disappear, and after deleting accounts that they came from so they can't be located), but they are all in English so that's not an option unless I talk to another therapist just for that. I could claim to be uncharted territory in psychology, but not after reading ancient texts written by people that were possibly quite similar (after reaching those ideas myself or reconstructing them from small pieces that I saw somewhere, most of the time), and it's all autism anyway. I might not be just autistic. It might be severe autism, possible crippling, but with no intelligence detriment so it led to this. I guess that's an explanation.

I have never been on drugs in my life except alcohol, since they are all illegal, but what would even happen if someone like me used a hallucinogenic substance? From what I understand, the mental state of the person using them can drastically change the things that they experience, and I feel like my mind drugs itself when it starts doing its thing. Can't even imagine what effect it would have if I added shrooms, or something on that category, on top of that. I only know alcohol makes me relax my mind and stop thinking (and focus better on one thing for a long time), so it's a good rest. It's a little bit of a lame and dangerous drug, though, considering that you can't use it most days or it stops working unless you drink more, leading to escalation, leading to alcoholism (and more expenses if you buy it, but I obviously don't). I can handle it, but the fact that I understand it makes me almost want to tell people not to drink it. Really easy to see it destroying people that aren't as freakish as me, especially if their lives aren't going too well. People take it way too lightly just because it's a slow killer when used incorrectly, and to make things worse they also destroy their livers with sugar and never drink water, so they never have the time to recover. Perfect way to end up with cirrhosis later on. Not fearing for my own life here, but I am afraid of what it can do to other people. The fact that it can help you relax makes it even more dangerous since depressed people want to relax but don't care about this sort of long-term consequence. I am consciously saying this just because it might help someone avoid this issue, and that's productive.

And yes, I do care about the board. I care about every good place that I post (or even lurk) on, since there are so few of them, and the good ones are small and easy to damage (quality and size are almost always inversely proportional). If there aren't many posts, the impact of one damaging post is larger than it would have been on a bigger board that already sucks to begin with, so I have to control myself so I don't cause discussions that are better off not happening. This one has the filter of being a hikikomori board, so normalfags aren't an issue, and they are typically the biggest board killers, but it still matters to me. Speaking of holding back, time to stop before this becomes two posts about the differences between good boards and bad boards.

>>5947

>Yes.

I am almost 25 and i have 5 years until i hit 30 not sure where my life will be by that time and not sure what i will do if i'm still a hikikomori at age 30.

>>5957

>I'm 38

How long have you been a hikikomori? also if longer than 4 years how are you still alive?

>>5964

If you try to live well, take care of yourself and have things to do, you can probably live your entire life like this. Most people just seem to have a hard time throwing their emotions away so they can spend their time on things that they like. With such a huge amount of time, you can do a lot more than what a normal person could do. You have all the time in the world to develop your mind, body and spirit. Spending it on self-loathing is a huge waste. Your life can be way more fun than a normal person's, as long as you try to fix who you are and increase your mental resilience so you don't go insane.

>>5973

Well, mostly the bad ones, of course. I just enjoy what I enjoy, and that's all I care about. Controlling your emotions and eliminating wants that you think are needs but aren't, or things that you shouldn't want in the first place, is always a good thing to do. I still don't know if I can say I have hope. Maybe for myself, but not for anything external. I am fully aware that the world is almost complete trash and would be better off not existing, that only very few people out there are worth my time, that very few things deserve my emotional energy, and that humanity was a mistake. You could say that I became so pessimistic that my pessimism is now indistinguishable from optimism, and I can feel pretty decent regardless of how horrendous reality may be. Maybe I have all the hope and none at the same time.

And about the English, just keep using it and it should improve in no time. I learned English by myself (only having access to a dictionary and early translators like the one on AltaVista in the early 2000s), and it just kinda happened over time. First you read a lot and translate whatever you don't understand (that's the most important thing to do), then you write while also trying to use everything that you learned from reading (as you're doing), then you listen, and then you talk if you ever need to. That's how it goes. Also, I haven't simplified my vocabulary not because of ruthlessness, but because that would be condescending, and because I know you can understand it, and it should help you more in the long run if I just speak the way I always do. I'm probably more difficult to understand than most people, since my autism (and perhaps a tiny amount of actual madness) seems to force me to write in a very particular way. I have certain aesthetic obsessions that seem to affect everything I do, and that includes language.

>>5975

I was saying that I wasn't simplifying my language because that would be condescending. It wasn't an accusation at all.

The internet has always helped, but it is objectively worse than ever. If you have been online since at least the early 2000s, you probably have at least some awareness of how depressing the current state of the internet is. I have been on the internet since I was 5, in the late 90s, and honestly, it just hasn't been the same since the masses invaded it. Very few good places left to visit, all of them with some kind of filter that prevents normalfags from having any presence. Funnily enough, a lot of the entertainment that I still get from the internet comes from finding people's old websites, that are miraculously still up, and reading them now. Archives as well, of course.

I am already reasonably prepared to abandon the internet entirely once it becomes completely unusable and no longer fulfills its purpose of allowing the free exchange of information (including communication, media and software in general). I have been hoarding as much fun stuff (like books, games, anime, music and software that I can play with in the future) as I can as well. At some point I will probably have to use only old hardware and stay completely offline, but I will escape the all-seeing eye of Stalin no matter how much I have to sacrifice.

It probably won't be so difficult, considering that I lost almost everything already. I also have a massive amount of interests, and I can always work on electronics, on making things, and on developing my own software, so I will never be bored no matter what. So many potential hobbies that there isn't much of a reason to worry about boredom. Not having people to talk to will be the biggest issue. Hopefully an alternative will already exist when the internet finally dies (at least from my perspective), but even if it doesn't, I don't intend to just accept defeat, even if I have to basically become Richard Stallman. Fortunately, nothing can take away my knowledge and my skills, and nothing can force me to stop being who I am. As long as that is the case, I guess I will be fine.

>>5976

>I have been on the internet since I was 5, in the late 90s, and honestly, it just hasn't been the same since the masses invaded it. Very few good places left to visit, all of them with some kind of filter that prevents normalfags from having any presence.

I think this is the same thing that motivated frontiersmen. At some point, the place you and your comrades established together starts to decay, and those who still remember the old spirit of the place depart to start anew.

>Hopefully an alternative will already exist when the internet finally dies (at least from my perspective)

Where there's a will, there's a way. My money's on the darknets.

>>5981

That's a very common practice. Even in history itself. The Renaissance was a big deal in the arts and in human understanding of the world, but that had nothing to do with the plebs. The masses were against it. Great art has always been seen as demonic by normal people, and that's why they tend to smash statues, like they did in the end of antiquity. Over time, everything was so dumbed down for money and popularity, and humanity degraded itself so much in favor of the masses that now we wouldn't even know that there was a recovery at all.

Everything has always been doomed from the start because eventually the idiots will start coming in and you will have to leave. Unless an activity remains too difficult for the masses to even attempt it, or there is some other kind of filter, you can't expect anything different. Of course, until the normalfags come in, a hobby tends to be considered something that only a loser would want anything to do with, or it will be considered satanic by the mass religion, or maybe people will try to ban it or some other retarded bullshit. Anything challenging, that requires thought, skill and concentration that isn't done for money and attention, normalfags despise and will try to destroy externally, but that doesn't work. The problem is that some traitors always want to change everything to appeal to normalfags, for money and attention, they it inevitably happens internally.

In that kind of situation, you can really see how humanity is divided, how everything considered good about this species belongs to a tiny minority that is always attacked by everyone else. It's safe to say that we are heading basically to a hive mind of mind-controlled humans that will eventually be so interchangeable and lifeless that there will be no detriment in replacing them with very simple machines. I think it's likely that the planet itself will become a superorganism (well, it already is one, more than ever, but I think its consciousness will become more and more solidified over time, and the internet is yet another tool being used to advanced that), with normalfags as its cells, and then very simple robots. Funnily enough, the cycle could still continue. A being like that, if it didn't end up just killing itself somehow, would probably want to replicate itself so that it wouldn't be alone and so that its kind wouldn't be so easily exterminated, with only a single one in existence. It would probably create different versions of itself using other planets, since just cloning itself wouldn't be the best survival strategy, and eventually the same thing would happen to those beings and they would become mindless cells of another superorganism, the galaxy. I don't know, maybe that's how it goes. Our species seems to be a reflection of the principles that led to its formation in the first place, so it's not crazy to think that humanity would become a being that is a reflection of itself and its own history. Of course, people that refuse to join the hive will continue to be attacked no matter what, in the long run. Even if we form our own hive, the masses will come and take it from us. That's why I would rather prevent all of that. I especially don't want to be part of it in.

Yes, I am a weirdo and I have strange ideas. Now you can see why society isn't for me.

>>5984

Not as into Nietzsche as I was many years ago. I like Evola a lot more, and what I know about Heidegger and his philosophy of being and of death, as well. Both being critics of Nietzsche, of course, that's why I mention them. But overall, I am definitely a (Neo)Platonist, fundamentally. I think I mentioned that in a previous post. That's what all of my ideas ended up pointing towards, including my ascetic values, and my agreement with the idea that the physical world is just an imperfect shadow of the real world, and just happens to temporarily manifest eternal forms that exist outside of itself, and outside of time. Nietzsche was too focused on the material world (and that is definitely understandable, considering what he was reacting against). I have also realized that glorifying the past too much is a mistake, since the world actually has always been shit and I can't pretend that the things that I appreciate about the past are all that there was, especially considering that most of humanity has always moved towards degradation, and making life miserable for everyone. The greatest minds in history have always been critics of their own civilizations, so I think glorifying their civilizations is not all that rational, even though I may believe that some of them really were overall better than what we have today.

Regardless, even if you keep things on that scale, the plebs always win in the end and the better people out there will always have to run away from that. I don't believe you could ever have a civilization that doesn't see someone like me, or even Nietzsche, as enemies. Essentially, if you're not a dumb animal, society will always be your enemy. Even if you just want to be left alone, good luck with that, it won't be allowed. To me, it doesn't matter whether a civilization is being ruled by the masses or an elite that will inevitably be just another group of idiots, I don't want anything to do with either of them. Isolation, partial or total, is the only solution. As long as I can do that, as long as people can be detached from the fate of the masses, the whole issue is irrelevant. The problem is that we are being cornered.

I don't know if it's even possible to have a good civilization. Maybe if all the normal people disappeared, though even that would be very troublesome, but that's not going to happen. I certainly believe that only small groups of people with no greed and no thirst for power can ever be pleasant to interact with. Overall, civilizations tend to end up the way they do because they are a reflection of humanity and its own flaws. Humanity may be an indicator that life on this planet in general might be a mistake, and could perhaps be incapable of achieving any desirable form of homeostasis at all. Essentially, I am against humanity and I desire its extinction. All of the things that I appreciate in the universe, and about myself, are eternal. If this fucked up species disappears, none of that will be hurt at all, and this cycle will be broken.

Also, I apologize if this post is poorly written. I don't think I expressed myself too well. Not really feeling too inspired right now, unlike in my previous posts. Feeling a little bit incoherent for some reason. Maybe the writer part of me is going back to sleep for another month or two. I feel really weird, hate when this happens. I won't read what I wrote either, or I may end up deleting it.

>>5989

>humans are assholes by nature

Exactly, so getting rid of them is the only real, guaranteed, permanent solution, so you don't have to care. Or just having a very small population of weird possibly autistic geniuses that don't even need a government in the first place, but I doubt that will ever happen unless reality suddenly turns into the Universal Century timeline of Mobile Suit Gundam and the Newtypes wipe out all of the old humans. But that's literally reality becoming anime, so it's more likely that it will continue to be bloated. Conveniently, humanity happens to be capable of destroying itself, so the problem could end up solving itself. Overall, all a moral individual has to do in order to avoid making things worse is not reproduce. You are living in a world that is objectively shitty, so don't bring more lives into it for no reason. Other than that, just ride the tiger. It's not like you are contractually obligated to care about your species' survival, and they have clearly doomed themselves to begin with. Not having to care is very convenient, actually. It can keep you from going insane from watching everything not go your way and everything that you support eventually end up turning against you. In politics, you can't succeed without popularity, and popularity can only be achieved if your ideas are stupid to begin with, or just the lies that people want to hear. Basically I just want to be allowed to live in my own world. Just the freedom to be a hermit.

>The best cult leaders domesticate people to make the people's lives better

The problem with doing anything that way is that every institution is eventually degraded as well, and back to misery we go. The fact that something appeals to the masses is generally a pretty bad sign to begin with. I definitely don't want anything to do with politics anymore. I just want to be able to stay away from humanity's problems, and ideally save people from suffering, specifically people that are different and I think can't be blamed for this, the people being attacked. Burning the hive would be productive, but it's not something that I can personally do, so it doesn't matter. Personal freedom and privacy, that's all I care about, politically. Everything else I just gave up on.

>>5991

I am actually not that pessimistic when it comes to that. Well, I know I have helped people in the past, and that a few times people even responded saying that something I said gave them an epiphany that allowed them to suddenly understand something that they didn't understand before, that very few people actually do, and even fewer even attempt to give an explanation for, and only some even succeed in doing that well, so it's not completely wasted effort if you can even call it that, since I just help people by doing what I want to do anyway, which is being insane and testing uncommon ideas and ways of looking at reality.

Being like that is kinda inherently helpful since it allows people to hear new things, and answers for questions that everyone else seems to refuse to answer. I'm the guy that tells you that the egg did indeed come before the chicken, because chickens weren't the first animals to lay eggs, which is obvious as hell, but the adults in my family always insisted (and still do) that answering this question is impossible, even after hearing my answer, and that is a good example of how limited most people actually are, and why you can't expect them to say anything that requires even a tiny amount of thought, and making any argument that isn't completely generic and given to them by someone else. Just being willing to say something different is inherently productive since someone out there may be willing to take that idea into consideration, or to use it somehow, but will never have the opportunity to do so if you don't share it. I suppose even looking stupid in a completely new way is productive, since someone else can learn something new from that, and not repeat your mistake.

I can't make someone stop feeling miserable, but I can tell them how they could do it, and how I do it, and maybe things that I say will eventually lead to some change. If something that I say positively influences someone, then that's a good thing even if I am never informed that it did indeed help. I just assume that occasionally it does, and I also believe that they are similar to me in one way or another or it wouldn't have worked in the first place. It's always safe to assume that something did indeed have value to someone at some point. At least when you are offering something pretty unique and/or that at least improves your own existence. It's not too difficult to come up with an original argument that could legitimately safe someone's life, and even coincidentally save bystanders that just happened to read it and then have a use for it later on, if you already have the material to work with in your own mind. Also, trying to write when you are a sleep deprived mess is a horrible idea, never do that. If you decide to do it anyway, make sure it's short, though that's difficult to do when I am trying to explain my own insanity. I think I have to go pass out now.