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/hikki/ - Hikikomori

The modern hermit

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A WARNING TO ALL NEW USERS IF YOU ARE NOT A HIKIKOMORI I WILL BAN YOU!! People who are going to work or school are not Hikikomori There are many people on here who can not leave their home Please choose your topic with consideration IF YOU HAVEN'T BEEN AT HOME INSIDE YOUR ROOM FOR AT LEAST 6 MONTHS OR MORE THEN DON'T POST HERE!

File: f296ca0d67d4fe3⋯.png (87.71 KB,500x366,250:183,Have a rare pepe _e1be8f19….png)

a442b6 No.419 [Last50 Posts]

Why are you unhappy /hikki/??.

____________________________
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58ebad No.425

Perpetually unfulfilled.

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a442b6 No.426

File: 7d69fe12f08ea0d⋯.jpg (81.75 KB,571x515,571:515,7d69fe12f08ea0d2b8aad152ff….jpg)

>>425

>Perpetually unfulfilled.

I know that feel bro.

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f6494f No.430

I failed to achieve my dream and it's too late to fulfill it now.

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a442b6 No.432

>>430

>I failed to achieve my dream and it's too late to fulfill it now.

What was your dream anon?.

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a45503 No.435

Constant criticism from my parents and a shitty attention span made me a perfectionist without the patience to see things through. But since I dont care about anything I'm in the "I cant do it perfectly so why do it at all" mindset.

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e3e10c No.438

File: 405a1cc63cdd922⋯.png (463.89 KB,667x750,667:750,1466629463578.png)

I never had an authority figure, a friend, or really, anyone to tell me not to do all the dumb shit I ended up doing in my life. So I spend most of my time hating myself and regretting near everything I've ever done.

I already spend every day working on projects or bettering myself, to give myself a reason not to despise myself, and still I can't escape my past since some of the cringiest moments are forever on the internet

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f71368 No.439

I'm a huge failure in every way. For some reason, everything I do is either sub par or just complete shit. It's never good enough. That's why I don't appeal to anyone whatsoever. I could be the last person to pick on the team or just being used for their gains and what not.

Also, I feel like I'm cursed with girls. Every time I interact with them, nothing is really happening between us. Either that or she doesn't seem to have interest for a fat fuck like me. So I've come to a conclusion that I can never get with any girl in my life and I've accepted that I'll truly be forever alone.

I can't seem establish friends that are good on my book. Yes, I have standards with making friends. I realized trying to be friends with, if not all, but some is a hassle. Plus some of the people I've met so far aren't open-minded, understanding enough. They're quick to judge and they somehow put you down for some reason.

Basically unhappy about everything that's going on in this world. I can't do well like the others can do and I seem to be given up on trying overall. It's tiresome to try and try and try and try and try when there's no good results in the end.

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a442b6 No.440

>>435

>Constant criticism from my parents

This also happened to me.

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a442b6 No.441

File: 41597160b093c2b⋯.jpg (98.3 KB,800x680,20:17,41597160b093c2bee324cdfccb….jpg)

>>439

>I seem to be given up on trying overall. It's tiresome to try and try and try and try and try when there's no good results in the end.

I agree i guess some of us naturally just have shitty lives i guess.

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d47f29 No.462

I ragequitted. I was not a social person but I used to have a job, a doctorate, a bit of network, give the occasional conference and such. I don't have the will anymore. Life rewards the most abominable and punishes the hard working ones.

I got abused as a kid, and I have infinite hate for this family. I told the last one of these fucking leeches to go fuck itself last month and have never answered a call again. I only hope God gives these fuckers their deserved judgement. That asshole wealthy uncle disinherited me on belief from my thrice-divorced whore mother that I was the devil somehow. I wish that fucker the worst death, unfortunately it's rule in my family that the most abominable tend to last the longest.

I've also been put on psychiatric drugs which fucked me up considerably, which makes me wonder how I managed to get that far in life honestly. It's over for me, being alone is the only way to peace, and I assume being neet for the rest of my days.

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a442b6 No.466

>>462

>>462

> It's over for me, being alone is the only way to peace, and I assume being neet for the rest of my days.

Same here.

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ed4bca No.470

>>462

>Life rewards the most abominable and punishes the hard working ones.

This is also a big part of the reason why I have given up. These days, the most crooked people are the ones who get ahead in life. Today, most companies operate off of an unspoken policy of nepotism, which stacks the odds even further against people like us who don't have any connections. The best we can hope to do is try to scrape by however we can, and do whatever is necessary to distance ourselves from this depraved society.

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a442b6 No.491

>>470

>These days, the most crooked people are the ones who get ahead in life

This is so true

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34a427 No.521

File: a84356fcde71e36⋯.jpg (35.7 KB,604x397,604:397,bar.jpg)

I can't stop thinking about killing myself. Everyday these thoughts keep coming back to me, along with shame and disappointment from events that occurred a long time ago. It doesn't matter what I do, how productive I try to be, there's always this part of my brain that keeps bringing those awful memories back, that keeps telling me to kill myself.

I don't know what to do, I've been craving cigarettes a lot lately and I've never really smoked; I've been feeling the urge to hurt myself and bleed until I faint; most of all, I can't stop entertaining the idea of blowing my brains out.

I'm doing my best to be productive and convince myself that I'm worth something, but it's hard believing in that when everyone around you does ten times what I do everyday. I can't even think of them as fools like I used to.

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620267 No.522

File: 192a71f56549c73⋯.jpg (17.69 KB,255x255,1:1,1461106842067.jpg)

Everything is bland and bleak as fuck and nothing brings me joy anymore. It takes me ages to get a small amount of motivation to do anything that isn't staring at walls feeling like shit all day. I don't even live anymore, I just exist.

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a442b6 No.524

File: 08f43f1884b5c36⋯.jpg (49.88 KB,600x341,600:341,satou depressed.jpg)

>>521

>I can't stop thinking about killing myself. Everyday these thoughts keep coming back to me, along with shame and disappointment from events that occurred a long time ago. It doesn't matter what I do, how productive I try to be, there's always this part of my brain that keeps bringing those awful memories back, that keeps telling me to kill myself.

I can relate this happens to me everyday too.

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a442b6 No.525

File: 1703a6d45c6208b⋯.jpg (32.37 KB,720x460,36:23,170.jpg)

>>522

>Everything is bland and bleak as fuck and nothing brings me joy anymore. It takes me ages to get a small amount of motivation to do anything that isn't staring at walls feeling like shit all day. I don't even live anymore, I just exist.

I know that feel bro.

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ed4bca No.528

File: ebafde6c5c6060e⋯.jpg (44.66 KB,640x480,4:3,1470676431477.jpg)

>>521

>>524

>I can't stop thinking about killing myself

I usually have suicidal thoughts, too. I have actually been alright for the past couple weeks though, I haven't really wanted to kill myself. I think /hikki/ has actually helped in a strange way, at least now I know that I'm not entirely alone in how I feel. I'm still not happy, but I am slightly less miserable.

>when everyone around you does ten times what I do everyday. I can't even think of them as fools like I used to.

This hits me hard. I used to look around me and see nothing but incompetent trash. They were arrogant, obnoxious, rude, and self-centered. They would spend all of their free time getting wasted at parties, posting about themselves on facebook, or talking about how great rap/pop is. I would always think to myself 'how can these people even exist this way? They're like mindless cattle.' Now they all have jobs, spouses, families, etc. and I sit alone in my room playing video games, fapping, and browsing 8chan. Thinking about it now, I actually do want to kill myself again.

>>522

>>525

>It takes me ages to get a small amount of motivation to do anything that isn't staring at walls feeling like shit all day

I know that feel all too well. It can take me days just to decide what game to play to help me escape reality for a little while longer, much less to anything of actual worth.

>I don't even live anymore, I just exist.

I also feel like an empty shell on a daily basis.

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a442b6 No.530

File: bf1685812629f70⋯.jpg (100.08 KB,1280x720,16:9,Watamote - 10 - Large 26.jpg)

>>528

> I used to look around me and see nothing but incompetent trash. They were arrogant, obnoxious, rude, and self-centered. They would spend all of their free time getting wasted at parties, posting about themselves on facebook, or talking about how great rap/pop is

What a bunch of degenerates.

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e3e10c No.532

File: 2444005468529c2⋯.jpg (96.22 KB,840x700,6:5,2444005468529c27b04d60177b….jpg)

>>529

I might be alone on this, and it's probably due to past trauma or something, but I despise anything that influences me, or as I see it, takes control away from me. Alcohol, drugs, medication, it makes me feel weaker than I already am and once the effect wears off, I end up feeling worse than I did prior.

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c96dca No.533

File: dae7c58212c0f6b⋯.mp4 (6.31 MB,326x184,163:92,fast crowd gondola.mp4)

I feel like life is a dream that I'm observing and whenever I try to become active I get hurt or hurt others.

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a442b6 No.534

>>533

>I feel like life is a dream that I'm observing and whenever I try to become active I get hurt or hurt others.

I know that feel bro.

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a442b6 No.537

>>532

What do you do for escapism??.

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c96dca No.538

File: fb5802feec7920b⋯.webm (1.19 MB,480x360,4:3,stationary gondola.webm)

>>534

count yourself blessed and turn yourself toward the spirit and Ideal; you who aren't blinded by the World

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a442b6 No.539

>>528

> I think /hikki/ has actually helped in a strange way

Admin here glad to hear the board is helping you.

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e3e10c No.540

File: fbca674641ab4c0⋯.jpg (92.71 KB,1280x720,16:9,39a3f98ba3918c1e4a4693eaf8….jpg)

>>537

I make vidya, so I suppose creating worlds and characters in my mind is escapism, but even then, it's commentary on society in a lot of ways, so I can't escape the state of the world even then.

>>539

It's nice to be reminded that you're not just alone in a world of sluts, sociopaths, savages and scum.

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a442b6 No.546

>>540

>It's nice to be reminded that you're not just alone in a world of sluts, sociopaths, savages and scum.

True

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a442b6 No.549

>>540

>I make vidya, so I suppose creating worlds and characters in my mind is escapism,

What kind of video games do you make anon??.

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e3e10c No.552

>>549

Well, haven't put one out yet, mostly because I kept perfecting story ideas a lot, but finally settled on one. Not much to show yet, though, very unfinished. Might shill it a bit once I have something.

It's about an antisocial girl who tried to kill herself.

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4a27fc No.554

File: 9d41089dcfcbd5e⋯.jpg (26.67 KB,462x451,42:41,C9-tUHvVoAEXxD7.jpg)

You wouldn't believe.

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e3e10c No.555

File: e6f804c7c1bac89⋯.gif (247.41 KB,245x179,245:179,95600a2428a93ca147df6dbd43….gif)

>>554

My life, at least in the past, was like a stereotypical chick flick where everything that can go wrong does. But unlike a chick flick, there is no happy ending. So trust me, mate, I'd believe ya.

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ed4bca No.556

>>539

>>540

>It's nice to be reminded that you're not just alone in a world of sluts, sociopaths, savages and scum.

Absolutely. I've been able to somewhat mingle with others in the past. I can act polite and friendly and all, but it's just a facade. Even in the rare case where people have accepted me, I can't really accept them because they don't understand me and we seldom have similar interests. I guess I'm just a little too different to fit in with the 'real world'. It's not like that here though, I feel like I've finally found a place where I'm understood and accepted to some degree. It makes life more bearable.

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a442b6 No.559

>>554

>You wouldn't believe.

What do you mean??.

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4a27fc No.567

>>555

Trips.

I can't even vaguely tell what happened to me but it's just utterly fucked up and unforgivable.

And the worse your story is, the more people are desperate to pin it on you, because the very idea of things like that happening scares them.

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a442b6 No.568

>>567

>the worse your story is, the more people are desperate to pin it on you, because the very idea of things like that happening scares them.

This is so true.

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e3e10c No.572

File: 49a392aecb40802⋯.png (25.18 KB,278x245,278:245,49a392aecb4080296cba95e6b6….png)

>>567

>And the worse your story is, the more people are desperate to pin it on you, because the very idea of things like that happening scares them.

True, but it's worse. They're also desperate to dismiss any arguments that can be leveled at them as the ramblings of a sick person. In even considering a hikki's position, they have to be open to the idea of changing their worldview, and normies will never be open to that.

Psych diagnoses are quite worthless, since it most cases, there's no cure, just temporary medication and shrinks which just lie until you buy it. But if you get a diagnosis pinned to you, it opens you up for dismissal, which is most likely the intended effect.

>I mean, you can't possibly have a rational opinion or worldview, you're depressed! You have some sort of phobia!! Here, go in that box, argument resolved, I win, fuck you, I get to keep living my life and assume myself to be always right.

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4a27fc No.575

>>572

Psych diagnoses operate under the flawed assumption that there was anything wrong with you in the first place.

They're also excellent at making up 500 different names for the same thing; erosion of trust. That's it. That's all there has ever been to it. Barring an obvious neurological condition, everyone is simply well adapted to their environment, and the environment isn't always nice.

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e3e10c No.577

>>575

<well, um, your brain, you know, there's a lack of happy juice there, and, um, that's not normal, because everyone else is happy, so, you know, you're not normal, goyi… f-friend. here, trust us, we're doctors, we'll fix you right up! just become dependent on us for your fix of meds for the rest of your life!

Yeah, of course, a disillusioned brain would look different to a content normie brain, but I don't see why that's so objectionable in these people's mind.

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b4a0dc No.578

>>419

my mother spoiled my plan to move to another city because she thought i would not manage to live by myself

now she is forcing me to undertake shitty studies in our city or to work

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a442b6 No.596

File: 76d8f0535878b43⋯.png (142.11 KB,420x397,420:397,1505472618813.png)

>>572

>>575

>>577

One thing to point out is that hikikomoriism isn't understood very well in the west even after Tamaki saitō had his book translated in 2010 and brought over seas a lot of western doctors and researchers still have not a clue as to what it is i pointed out in another thread that not that long ago i lived in a group home and i

was basically forced outside because i would have to go see a therapist every other week i think it was apart of their rules or something i don't know anyway one time when i went to go see him and i was in my therapy session i tried to explain to him what a hikikomori was and that i have been living like this for 10 years he was confused and had no idea what i was talking about there is little to no help for western hikkis

>I mean you can't possibly have a rational opinion or worldview, you're depressed! You have some sort of phobia!! Here, go in that box, argument resolved, I win, fuck you, I get to keep living my life and assume myself to be always right

Normalfags are so narrow minded.

>Psych diagnoses operate under the flawed assumption that there was anything wrong with you in the first place.

They're also excellent at making up 500 different names for the same thing.

This is absolutely true.

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718b57 No.611

>>575

Psych diagnoses operate under the flawed assumption that there was anything wrong with you in the first place.

it there was nothing wrong with anon he would not get any diagnosis

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620267 No.631

File: e28a2727f9d68ea⋯.jpg (46.34 KB,320x486,160:243,1435018224382.jpg)

>>528

The issue I have with games is working up the motivation to actually play them and sticking with them to start to finsh. I normally lose interest about the halfway point which puts me in a shit position when I stop playing and try to come back after a while, as I'm too far in start again or conutiue because I've forgotten everything. Been that way since as long as I can remember though but its still a shit habit.

Normally I'd have suicidal thoughts once or twice every 2 or 3 weeks but recently I've been having them nonstop lately, runs you down more then you thought possible. I'm with you on /hikki/ helping out, theres some small comfort knowing you aren't truely alone.

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a442b6 No.632

File: 8b569be04c73345⋯.jpg (136.33 KB,800x557,800:557,hikki gamer.jpg)

>>631

>The issue I have with games is working up the motivation to actually play them and sticking with them to start to finsh

Same here unless it's a game i am truly honestly interested in but even i can lose motivation with games i am really interested in as well recently it's gotten to the point now where i am starting to play online games out of boredom rather than general interest.

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ed4bca No.700

>>631

>The issue I have with games is working up the motivation to actually play them and sticking with them to start to finsh. I normally lose interest about the halfway point which puts me in a shit position when I stop playing and try to come back after a while, as I'm too far in start again or conutiue because I've forgotten everything. Been that way since as long as I can remember though but its still a shit habit.

I do exactly this. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've started a game, only to drop it for no good reason, and then start over again later. Even worse, each time I put down a game, it takes me even longer to get around to starting it again because I don't want to play the beginning of the game again, but I can't jump into any old saves because I will be lost. I don't know why it's so hard to commit to something.

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f2c67c No.705

>>632

>>631

>>611

I know why this happens (i think).

When we procrastinate too much and are conscious of it we feel bad about it (unconsciously) and do not enjoy it, nor are we present at the moment. I felt that today and it's pretty weird i've come across this board and discussion, since i'm trying real hard to drop my 2 years of hikkineetdom away.

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a442b6 No.707

>>705

I like your take on this anon also how did you find /hikki/??.

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8eb7ca No.717

File: 6f239676ddcd967⋯.png (328.59 KB,850x656,425:328,258bb673bc78.png)

>>631

I have depression and anxiety so it's hard for me to play games at all. I have a ton of game, but some I haven't even started. I really, really want to play them, but I can't. Life sucks sometimes.

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fda271 No.718

>>717

>I have depression and anxiety so it's hard for me to play games at all.

Just don't play online like on Xbox live or something and you will be fine.

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8eb7ca No.722

>>718

Thank you, but I'm sorry to say it's not just social anxiety. It's hard for me to get motivated and it's hard for me to do things I don't usually do. I miss vidya.

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a442b6 No.723

>>722

> it's not just social anxiety. It's hard for me to get motivated and it's hard for me to do things I don't usually do.

I know that feel bro i suggest to try and play video games once and then go from there it will eventually become routine and then you will have motivation to do something fun while in isolation.

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8eb7ca No.724

>>723

Thank you! I'm playing an offline game right now.

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a442b6 No.725

>>724

> I'm playing an offline game right now.

Good to hear anon.

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620267 No.756

File: 921b5cb12ca3eea⋯.jpg (201.79 KB,1024x711,1024:711,1382394828960.jpg)

>>700

Yeah its a really shit feeling, especially so when its a game I've been enjoying alot.

>>632

I don't really do online games unless some people I know well are also playing. Otherwise my anxiety flares up whenever I have to join or ask for invites to shit or with games that have deathcam and people are watching me play.

>>717

That sucks man, sometimes you gotta just try and force yourself to play.

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a442b6 No.834

>>756

>I don't really do online games unless some people I know well are also playing. Otherwise my anxiety flares up

I know that feel bro i'm not big into online ether for this same reason.

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ed4bca No.838

>>756

>>834

On the occasion that I do play online games, I always play them solo. I don't like socializing both because of the mild anxiety, and because I can never relate to them anyway so I lose interest in their conversations. When random people invite me to join their guild/group, I respectfully decline, then proceed to travel to a distant area so they don't bother me further. In the rare case that I do join a guild/faction/group/etc., I only do so because the group is so large that I can receive the in-game perks of a large group without anyone trying to talk to me, so I can continue to play solo.

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a442b6 No.843

File: 0238075d674a8d6⋯.jpg (68.94 KB,548x305,548:305,AdventureQuest-header5.jpg)

>>838

>On the occasion that I do play online games, I always play them solo. I don't like socializing both because of the mild anxiety, and because I can never relate to them anyway so I lose interest in their conversations.

Same here in my early hikki years back when i was a teenager i use to play pic related all the time and recently have gotten back into it but i always play solo.

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532619 No.850

>be ugly

>be hikki

>want waifu

>will never have waifu

>want to die

>too superstitious to kill myself

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f20447 No.851

>>419

Apathetic

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0e02e5 No.853

>>631

>>632

>>700

I do this same thing, except when it's a game I really enjoy like Persona 5 I usually will play it until the very, very end but some crippling fear of the emptiness that always happens when something you enjoy ends keeps me from finishing it. But it's like finishing it anyway since I never go back to playing. I've been trying to play old MMOs out of nostalgia from when I was just starting out as a hikki, when I didn't really think I was going to be a hikki so my general outlook wasn't so bleak and hopeless and I was able to enjoy it and make friends, but it never feels the same again and I'm always alone.

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676a40 No.855

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a442b6 No.901

File: 8267b91bbcfee56⋯.jpg (93.9 KB,1920x1080,16:9,1392305231498.jpg)

>>853

> I've been trying to play old MMOs out of nostalgia from when I was just starting out as a hikki, when I didn't really think I was going to be a hikki so my general outlook wasn't so bleak and hopeless and I was able to enjoy it and make friends, but it never feels the same again and I'm always alone.

I know that feel bro same in my early hikki years back when i was a teenager my general out look wasn't so bleak and hopeless ether i truly honestly thought everything would be okay one day and that somehow i was going to make it in this world that day being adulthood of course it's been 10 years almost 11 and i'm still a hikki as i have come to learn the adult world is just as cruel as your teen years are those who say that bullying is a phase are fucking stupid no it happens in the adult world too,

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a442b6 No.903

>>855

Is that like some deep web shit?? kinda looks like it after i clicked on those links.

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6c2b72 No.1119

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

F*ck That: An Honest Meditation

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bd358d No.1122

File: 0af784679c9933b⋯.jpg (44.35 KB,500x375,4:3,1444230161980.jpg)

>>1119

That was so peaceful to listen to.

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6c2b72 No.1124

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

How to Manifest Abundance

I really like this guy, The Barefoot Doctor :)

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bd358d No.1148

>>1124

I like the way this guy thinks.

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6c2b72 No.1162

>>1148

Yeah the psychology is powerful, think about the implications of what he's saying. It's not just a different mindset, he lives on a different planet. He's really saying; I've never been so happy since I gave up the normie-dream. He's made a lot of money in his life too and he seems happy.

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6c2b72 No.1163

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

The Taoist Approach to Mental Health and Wellbeing

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0dbdd1 No.1175

File: 0d2d271e4f968a8⋯.png (826.36 KB,1600x840,40:21,1479248033622.png)

>decided a while ago i'm going to kill myself when i ran out of money

>just got the "your account is overdrawn" phone call from my uncle who's opening my mail for some reason

>stuck at grandma's house already incredibly frustrated because i have no privacy and am expected to do things

>she's driving me to see my mom and meet her boyfriend tomorrow

>2 hour drive to my own personal hell

>don't even have my computer because it's in the shop

I've never felt like this before, I really have nothing and nowhere to go. At the same time i'm being poked and prodded by my family. I want to die but not on their terms. I don't want to do it just to get away from them because then they win, they all win if i show that it gets to me, that i'm weak. My whole plan was to just disappear and end it quietly, alone. But i'm here on what is basically a forced vacation to motivate my hikki ass and probably waiting for me back home is an intervention that was hinted at when i left. I'm wearing this entirely contrived facade of normalcy just to appease people i don't even like being around because i'm terrified of anyone seeing the reality of me. All i ever wanted in life is to be alone and i can't have that because i'm too much of a failure and a pussy to even realize that simple dream. I don't even know why i do the things i do. I guess i do it because i'm told to or because i'm obligated to. This life is nothing but pain that i live to escape when i'm occasionally allowed to.

I have a 4-10 shotgun in my safe but it's in another state right now. I still have so many models to build, i haven't finished watching the anime in my collection yet. But i can't even get to those things right now. I'm so stressed and anxious sitting here, i convinced my grandma that i need to deal with bank things and need some time so they went to lunch without me. I hate have splitting headache and my heart is beating really fast. I can't do it today though, i just can't.

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bd358d No.1178

File: 19ba992900005bc⋯.png (128.08 KB,800x450,16:9,1470017424526.png)

>>1175

>>decided a while ago i'm going to kill myself when i ran out of money

I would probably do this too if i don't come out of this lifestyle someday.

>Stuck at grandma's house already incredibly frustrated because i have no privacy and am expected to do things.

I know that feel bro this happened to me when i lived with my parents i had 0 privacy and was constantly bothered it made me angry they also tried to force me outside many times sucks that that is happening to you anon.

>Ive never felt like this before, I really have nothing and nowhere to go. At the same time i'm being poked and prodded by my family. I want to die but not on their terms. I don't want to do it just to get away from them because then they win, they all win if i show that it gets to me, that i'm weak. My whole plan was to just disappear and end it quietly, alone.

I thought about doing something like this myself 3 years ago.

>But i'm here on what is basically a forced vacation to motivate my hikki ass and probably waiting for me back home is an intervention that was hinted at when i left. I'm wearing this entirely contrived facade of normalcy just to appease people i don't even like being around because i'm terrified of anyone seeing the reality of me. All i ever wanted in life is to be alone and i can't have that because i'm too much of a failure and a pussy to even realize that simple dream. I don't even know why i do the things i do. I guess i do it because i'm told to or because i'm obligated to. This life is nothing but pain that i live to escape when i'm occasionally allowed to.

I know that feel bro i just wanted to live in peace and solitude away from society but unfortunately me being an older brother of 3 younger sisters and having shit parents made it worse and i never had complete privacy and they always annoyed the shit out of me and in recent years they have gone as far as to harass me and make fun of me hell i remember this one time where my parents told me i wasn't a very good person to live with nor a very nice person at this point i'm fucking done with them when i get my own apartment ill. completely cut them out of my life as they have hurt me too much and if i get my own apartment and start living on my own ill. probably just continue being a hikikomori tbh i tried to fit in with society and hell even gave society another chance 4 to 5 years ago and it didn't work life continued to fuck me over my parents are now strongly trying to push me into getting a job but tbh at this point i really don't care anymore fuck people fuck society and fuck my existence.

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0dbdd1 No.1182

>>1178

>me being an older brother of 3 younger sisters and having shit parents

Very similar story, anon. i'm the oldest of 2 sisters and 3 brothers, though i live with my uncle now. Toward the end of living with them i did carve out a spot in our garage where i could be alone and sleep all day to avoid them. I don't even hate my siblings, i just don't have any connection to them ya know.

>when i get my own apartment ill. completely cut them out of my life

same, if it ever happens, the only reason i talk to anybody is because i don't have a choice

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bd358d No.1183

>>1182

>don't even hate my siblings, i just don't have any connection to them ya know.

Same here

>The only reason i talk to anybody is because i don't have a choice

exactly same here i been a hikikomori for 10 years almost 11 and to be honest i can't really see a future for me and i have already accepted that i will die already in the next few years.

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6045d5 No.1185

File: b93a05312439029⋯.png (261.25 KB,600x300,2:1,1478937164900.png)

>>1175

>>1178

>>decided a while ago i'm going to kill myself when i ran out of money

>I would probably do this too if i don't come out of this lifestyle someday

I think a lot of us here feel that way. We aren't really in a position to obtain the resources we need to sustain our lives, so once the resources we have dry up, we're pretty much dead anyway. It feels awful, especially when you consider that our lifestyle is essentially parasitic in nature.

On a side note, I got hit with a hard wave of depression today.

>daydreaming about having a gf

>since I was about 14, I have dreamed of getting married to a kind, beautiful woman

>I am now a 25 year old, overweight, friendless, virgin shut-in

>still living with my parents

>currently in debt

>have a plan to fix my situation, but best-case scenario, it will take at least two years minimum to make it happen

>can't start on that plan right now even if I wanted to

>even if I can fix my situation, I will still likely be an anti-social hermit

>modern women are so deceitful and selfish that even if I do meet a woman, she will treat me like shit, and will probably have already slept with dozens of men

<realize that my dream of getting married to a lovely woman, and enjoying a comfortable, quiet life together will never come true

Honestly, this thought pops up every few months, and has haunted me for the past 6 years or so, but every time it hits me, it throws me into a state of unbearable misery. Most of the time I feel like I would be alright living alone, but sometimes the thought of never being loved makes me want to curl up in a corner somewhere and die.

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0dbdd1 No.1187

>>1183

>10 years

godspeed, anon, only 5 years here

>>1185

>especially when you consider that our lifestyle is essentially parasitic in nature.

This kills me, i've always hated being dependent, i hate asking for help. I'm sure most hikki's feel the same

>Most of the time I feel like I would be alright living alone, but sometimes the thought of never being loved makes me want to curl up in a corner somewhere and die.

I'm the exact same way. It usually never even occurs to me to date but sometimes it hits all at once, usually when i see a cutie and start daydreaming about him. Even worse, since /r9k/ became /r9gay/ i'll sometimes post in those threads and start talking to someone, gets to the point of exchanging actual contact info and it hits me that i couldn't date even if i wanted to. I live in a garage and have no money. It wouldn't even be fair to ask somebody to take part in that if i healthy in any way shape of form.

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bd358d No.1188

>>1187

> Even worse, since /r9k/ became /r9gay/ i'll sometimes post in those threads and start talking to someone, gets to the point of exchanging actual contact info

Wait so anons on 4chan /r9k/ are actually exchanging actual contact info?? that's not safe at all.

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0dbdd1 No.1189

>>1188

they usually ask for kik or discord or something, it's not like phone numbers i don't think

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3ca6f2 No.1190

>>1185

You're not alone anon. I'm five years your senior and I can tell you right now it won't get any easier. The worst part is when you think you have a grasp on yourself and your emotions only to be hit by that huge wave of loneliness all at once and have it all come rushing back. It gets to the point that you constantly avoid anything that might make you remember the things you once hoped for just in case it brings up those old feelings all over again.

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bd358d No.1191

>>1189

I thought the whole point of imageboards was to be anonymous??.

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0dbdd1 No.1192

>>1191

/soc/ has been around for a while, anon

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6045d5 No.1193

>>1187

>i'll sometimes post in those threads and start talking to someone, gets to the point of exchanging actual contact info

That's much farther than I get. I don't really try to meet people online, maybe I aught to try it someday, if I ever get my life together. Unfortunately, I've never had a girlfriend, and I haven't even been remotely close to dating anyone in at least 8 years. So I have absolutely no experience to work with in regards to pursuing a romantic relationship.

>>1190

I believe you. Even now, I have managed to repress a significant amount of my memories. I hardly remember my childhood at all, save for a few memories, and a vague timeline of events. Even still, painful revelations about myself manage to emerge from time to time, throwing me into a deep pit of despair.

>>1191

Originally they were. Of course with normalfags flooding 4chan the way they have, it's not surprising that it has become a more social, facebook-like website. Also, that cuck-faggot Moot didn't help matters back when he created /soc/ some years ago, which regardless of the intention behind the board's creation, acted as a welcome mat for normalfags.

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bd358d No.1194

>>1192

>/soc/

The worst board on half chan ever.

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bd358d No.1195

>>1193

Didn't Moot create /soc/ to give normalfags their own containment board?? if that was the reason yeah it obviously didn't work which is why i can't stand half chan these days.

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bd358d No.1196

File: 8d217f1366fce62⋯.jpg (72.49 KB,442x604,221:302,ed3d5df3c2daf79de623e77cbf….jpg)

>>1187

>This kills me, i've always hated being dependent, i hate asking for help. I'm sure most hikki's feel the same

I can relate i've always wanted to be fully independent but i was never granted the freedom i wanted as a teenager and i was never taught the skills of how to be independent so some skills such as cooking i had to teach myself how to do because my parents never taught me and the stuff they taught me in school was crap i wasn't gonna use in everyday life anyway so thus i have learned dependence instead of independence i am independent somewhat like yeah i cook for myself i clean i shower i buy some things online for myself like video games and movies with my NEETbucks but when it comes to everything else no i have pretty much learned to be dependent on them and i really do feel shame in this not gonna lie i really do feel like a failure and it both pisses me off and makes me sad that they are not even acknowledging my way of life and realizing that there is a problem they have complained about my behavior in the past but at the same time they continue to enable it and recently my 14 year old stepbrother has become a hikikomori and has fallen into the lifestyle never leaving his room and always playing online games until 3 in the morning he is starting to skip school too hearing about my stepbrother turning into a hikki upset me because i really don't want him to end up like me and thinking back i was his age when i first became a hikikomori and withdrew from society and my family 10 almost 11 years later here i am 24 years old depressed angry at the world and lack any real motivation or purpose in life i told my dad on the phone to read Dr. Saitōs book on hikikomori though i'm not sure he will and as i said before recently my parents are strongly trying to push me into finding a job but what they don't realize is that simply finding a job doesn't solve your problems also i too am very afraid of asking for help because of social anxiety in the past if i needed help with something i would go up to a family member just show them what i need help with and not speak i am nothing but a complete failure and i hate this fucking world.

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0dbdd1 No.1197

>>1193

>That's much farther than I get. I don't really try to meet people online

well it's different when it's some fag wanting me to meet up and choke them, it's not even a relationship really

>I hardly remember my childhood at all, save for a few memories, and a vague timeline of events

>painful revelations about myself manage to emerge from time to time

same

>>1196

> it both pisses me off and makes me sad that they are not even acknowledging my way of life and realizing that there is a problem

>what they don't realize is that simply finding a job doesn't solve your problems

This is it right here, this is the problem. We don't have people who actually care even slightly. They're willing to let us live but it's like a pet they get board with and then kick it down the road.

>i too am very afraid of asking for help because of social anxiety

About a year ago my uncle was making me to learn how to drive. I just can't do it, it's dangerous. I couldn't get the words out to explain this. What i did do is just say that i can't, and with everything i had i told him i needed help, he asked what kind of help, i said a psychiatrist. He made me go to this counselor because he assumed i couldn't drive and have been a hikki shut-in for years because i was sad about my dad dying a months prier to this. I later occurred to me that there's no explaining this. They don't even register it as a problem.

I'm sure you have also written suicide notes or speeches trying to explain all this, but even if they read those things, i don't think they would get it. Even if you spelled it out in the most accurate articulate way possible, or worse, they just wouldn't care.

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bd358d No.1198

>>1197

>well it's different when it's some fag wanting me to meet up and choke them, it's not even a relationship really

I have online friends as most hikkis do but i don't have any real life friends and i don't think any of us on here even have the courage to meet someone from online face to face anyway since we don't go outside anyway.

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0dbdd1 No.1199

>>1198

>I have online friends as most hikkis do

i actually don't, i just like like messing with the people in the threads and imagining, it's basically just RPing i guess

sounds a lot more pathetic now that i think/write about it

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bd358d No.1200

>>1199

>i actually don't, i just like like messing with the people in the threads and imagining, it's basically just RPing i guess

Hey anon you're not the only one who has lied about their life online i have done it myself it's just another form of escapism i guess thank god we don't have to lie here because we can all relate to one another and were all shut in away from society to be honest /hikki/ has helped me vent out my frustrations with being a hikikomori.

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5c1461 No.1209

File: 59767ad1808de81⋯.png (596.74 KB,580x820,29:41,61984183_p0.png)

I have trouble sympathizing with people.

Whenever I read up on someone else's problems and if they're not having it bad as I am, I get pissed off- especially if the person is now receiving help and love because they shared it. I assume others help the person because their problems are easier to fix unlike mine.

I tried getting help and bettering myself by getting a job.

Psychiatrists and therapists are all jews who just want to milk me into getting new meds instead of helping me, spouting the same dumb shit like 'bee urself'. And work is just boring, I feel like I'm rotting away more than feeling accomplished.

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bd358d No.1214

File: 9951aab6bae8291⋯.png (222.51 KB,604x448,151:112,arka1.png)

>>1209

>I tried getting help and bettering myself

Same here i gave society another chance 5 to 4 years ago and tried going off to college and bettering myself to try and get out of the hikki lifestyle but all i got in return was shit thrown back in my face so i went back to being a hikikomori and dropped out.

>Psychiatrist and therapists are all jews who just want to milk me into getting new meds instead of helping me, spouting the same dumb shit like 'bee urself'

i tried seeing a therapist and the guy couldn't understand me at all he was very confused a lot of the time hell i even had to explain to him what a hikikomori was because he didn't know and most of the time he would tell me the way to get over negative thoughts is to just simply replace them with positive ones which obviously doesn't work because self help is a scam.

>I feel like I'm rotting away more than feeling accomplished.

I know that feel bro same here but even if we do recover and come out of this lifestyle we will never fully recover 100% look at it this way we hikikomoris are like a wrinkled piece of paper you can unwrinkle it but there will still be some damage.

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32bc26 No.1458

File: 217276a64f6eff7⋯.png (51.58 KB,255x170,3:2,1419043773215.png)

>had the "became a dad" dream again last night

these are the worst feels, my day is ruined

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bd358d No.1459

>>1458

>>had the "became a dad" dream again last night

>these are the worst feels, my day is ruined

I know that feel bro i have these dreams too from time to time.

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e50bf8 No.1460

>>1459

today i had a dream in which i was fucking my underage stepsister

feels bad man

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6045d5 No.1461

File: a080ea4ebb83817⋯.gif (96.74 KB,500x284,125:71,23c91cd898cfeca8c9985c131c….gif)

>>1458

When I have dreams, I find that I am often shorter than everyone else, even though I'm decently tall in real life. This has been a recurring theme in my dreams for years. I finally came to the conclusion about a year ago that the reason I'm always short in my dreams is because I'm essentially still a child. I still live with my parents, I have no job, no wife, no kids, and I spend all day playing video games, browsing chans, watching tv/anime, etc. So, every time I have those dreams where I'm shorter than everyone else, I always wake up miserable.

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940d5f No.1462

File: 15c13284325a4fb⋯.jpg (27.68 KB,540x438,90:73,1fc3654ac119d0df4cdc159f9a….jpg)

Well, I just had the first dream in my life that physically hurt me.

>Nintendo and Sega are hosting events detailing the histories of their consoles and games

>Nintendo gets to the Wii

>Shows off Silent Hill [subtitle I forgot] 2

>The premise is that the game hurts you IRL when you get hurt in game

>Chased by monsters

>When you pause the game, you can move around but giant spike towers appear, and they change position depending on what options you're going through

>Ended up falling on the spike

>Hurt like hell

>Ended up happening several times

>Screamed "why the fuck would anyone play this"

>Woke up

Not even my dreams are safe.

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bd358d No.1463

File: 42fcd55d95a4541⋯.jpg (28.06 KB,684x576,19:16,pepe sad.jpg)

>>1461

>I finally came to the conclusion about a year ago that the reason I'm always short in my dreams is because I'm essentially still a child. I still live with my parents, I have no job, no wife, no kids, and I spend all day playing video games, browsing chans, watching tv/anime, etc. So, every time I have those dreams where I'm shorter than everyone else, I always wake up miserable.

I think this is true for the majority of hikikomoris as we mostly have learned dependence instead of independence so were kinda are children in adult bodies because of our upbringings.

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bd358d No.1464

File: a37e2b9276f92d5⋯.jpg (40.09 KB,700x700,1:1,a3829108101_16.jpg)

>>1460

>today i had a dream in which i was fucking my underage stepsister

>feels bad man

I know that feel bro i too have an underage stepsister who i have a crush on every time she and other family members comes over to visit i literally avoid everyone including her because 1. i'm too much of a sperg to even talk to her and 2. i'm afraid she will think that i'm some creepy anti-social hermit weirdo who just wants to get in her pants i seriously fucking hate myself and my life i never wanted things to turn out this way.

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bd358d No.1465

>>1462

That sounds like a fun virtual reality

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abcb2f No.1466

I don't know what the fuck has gotten into me. I've been awake for nearly 50 hours at this point, and for the past month I've been sleeping so poorly. Like 40-60 minute chunks before I wake up.

My right hand hurts so bad. I've been jerking off so fucking much. I'm in such pain that I can't even hold my DS anymore. Now when I jerk off I just use my left, and it takes like an hour for me to cum because everything is so insensitive.

It's not even fun anymore. I just get into these manic states where I convince myself I need to masturbate to a certain anime character for some silly reason. Like, "I need to jack off to her because she is the most attractive character to date and the greatest character ever." And then I usually finish, clean my hands and then flop down onto my bed lie awake for hours until I get horny again.

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bd358d No.1467

>>1466

>My right hand hurts so bad. I've been jerking off so fucking much. I'm in such pain that I can't even hold my DS anymore. Now when I jerk off I just use my left,

Could you have arthritis??.

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abcb2f No.1468

>>1467

Probably. It's hurt ever since my youth when I played on my gameboy and playstation a lot. But usually I'm fine if I don't use my right hand too much. Now It hurts constantly even though I only use it to type.

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bd358d No.1469

>>1468

Could be carpal tunnel syndrome too??.

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6045d5 No.1470

>>1462

That reminds me of something similar that happened to me.

>having a dream about walking around in some neighborhood

>feel something strange

>look to my right and see that my arm is caught in a thornbush

>begin to feel intense sharp pains in my arm

>the thorns are causing me real pain

>wake up

>look to my right

>my cat is clawing my arm

I got pissed and scared him off. The whole thing is actually pretty funny when I think back on it.

>>1466

>It's not even fun anymore. I just get into these manic states where I convince myself I need to masturbate to a certain anime character for some silly reason.

I mostly know that feel. I've fallen into a sort of routine where I feel like I need to masturbate each night before bed otherwise I will have trouble sleeping. In truth, it's all in my head, I don't actually need to fap to sleep, and I've slept fine without fapping plenty of times before. Unfortunately though, I'm a porn-addict and since I often feel like my life is going nowhere anyway, I rarely feel the motivation to try to fix myself.

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bd358d No.1471

>>1470

>I'm a porn-addict

Same

>My cat is clawing my arm

Have any hikkis here ever thought about having a pet to escape the feeling of loneliness??.

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3ca6f2 No.1472

>>1471

Disregarding the massive list of responsibilities that comes with owning a pet that we almost certainly cannot fulfill as hikikomori, I don't think an animal can give you what you need when it comes to real loneliness.

You might get a sense of camaraderie from owning something like a dog that will act loyal and give absolutely no fucks for whatever issues you have. But beyond that it won't really accept or understand you for who you are beyond a familiar face attached to the hand that feeds it. If that sounds appealing enough and you think you'd be able to fulfill the requirements that come with owning a pet, including going out to take it to a vet when it gets sick, then maybe it really would be enough to help fill the void of loneliness for some hikki's.

Really weighing up wether or not you can be responsible for a life is important though, otherwise if you go into for purely selfish motives and end up neglecting it or treating it like shit then you're basically doing to the pet what many others did to hikki's in the first place.

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bd358d No.1477

>>1472

> if you go into for purely selfish motives and end up neglecting it or treating it like shit then you're basically doing to the pet what many others did to hikki's in the first place.

This is so true.

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b4e7aa No.1491

>>1461

>>1463

I'm 6'4 and I experience this too, also for the longest time I've always thought everyone looked so much older than me, even if they're now younger than me. Or rather because I avoid looking at myself as much as humanly possible, everyone else seems to look as they did when I was a child. Anyone else experience this?

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6045d5 No.1495

>>1491

I get that too. I end up feeling inferior because of my situation, so everyone else seems older and more mature, even when they aren't. What's even worse for me is when I go to a family gathering, and I get stuck playing games with the kids while all the other adults talk and laugh in the next room. I try to make the best of it and act like it doesn't bother me, but on the inside I feel like dying.

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b4e7aa No.1498

>>1495

I never thought about how isolating it could still feel when your family doesn't outright ignore your existence, sort of like feeling all alone in crowded room, that's rough anon. I haven't been around family besides my mom in years and in a way I think this is preferable.

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bd358d No.1500

File: f00108af7d19c58⋯.jpg (35.92 KB,400x600,2:3,f00108af7d19c58f529a2f2e27….jpg)

>>1491

>>1495

>>1498

>tfw almost 25 and still look about 17 or 18 years old

>tfw never grew out of the teenage stage in my life

>tfw stuck in a never ending adolescence like most hikkis

>tfw wake up everyday and feel like im dead inside

I'm such a failure i fucking hate my life.

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6045d5 No.1518

>>1498

Yeah, it can be pretty demoralizing. Usually we go to my sister's house for those kinds of things, which is even more uncomfortable since I'm convinced my sister doesn't like me. Luckily, I didn't have to go for Halloween this year, so I just got to relax in my room instead.

>>1500

I know that feel, anon. If it weren't for my facial hair, I would still look like a teenager as well. But of course it doesn't really matter, because whether I look like an adult or not, I still live like a child.

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bd358d No.1522

File: 1ab953997a0eb2d⋯.png (216.56 KB,1920x1080,16:9,welcome_to_the_nhk___satou….png)

>>1518

> If it weren't for my facial hair, I would still look like a teenager as well. But of course it doesn't really matter, because whether I look like an adult or not, I still live like a child.

Same here and i think this is the case for most hikikomoris sometimes i wake up in the afternoon go to the bathroom look at myself in the mirror and just think to myself why or how did i turn out this way??.

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bd358d No.1524

>>1518

>Yeah, it can be pretty demoralizing. Usually we go to my sister's house for those kinds of things, which is even more uncomfortable since I'm convinced my sister doesn't like me. Luckily, I didn't have to go for Halloween this year, so I just got to relax in my room instead.

I know that feel anon i hate being forced to go to family events or holiday events as well.

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fd1cdf No.1527

>>1500

I feel you, anon.

The last year that I actually felt is 2007. If you asked me what year it was, I'd automatically say 2007, stop myself, think, then correct myself.

That was the year I entered highschool. Last really big change in my lifestyle.

Ever since then, I haven't really had any dreams or aspirations and it hasn't felt like anything has happened since then. One day is just like the next.

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c86ac1 No.1567

>>1527

>The last year that I actually felt is 2007. If you asked me what year it was, I'd automatically say 2007, stop myself, think, then correct myself.

I have this problem as well.

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c86ac1 No.1573

File: 0f6aa87f66eb02c⋯.jpg (173.46 KB,900x1200,3:4,1509329130059.jpg)

>>1527

>That was the year I entered highschool. Last really big change in my lifestyle.

>Ever since then, I haven't really had any dreams or aspirations and it hasn't felt like anything has happened since then. One day is just like the next.

I know that feel anon about 4 to 5 years ago i tried to get out of this lifestyle and make something of myself and in the beginning i was doing pretty well for myself but that didn't last long hell i even tried to reintegrate back into society many times but every time i just got bullied harassed or made fun of so at this point i have just completely given up and have accepted that i will be a hikikomori forever until i die and that i am not fit for living a normal life out in society.

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977739 No.1575

File: ced0481aa4fb88b⋯.gif (1.72 MB,273x271,273:271,ced0481aa4fb88b4c16a398da3….gif)

>>1573

>about 4 to 5 years ago i tried to get out of this lifestyle and make something of myself and in the beginning i was doing pretty well for myself but that didn't last long

I did this too. About 4 years ago I tried to go to college, I made it through but I couldn't get any job interviews afterward. I honestly thought college would change me, at least a bit. It didn't, and I gave up my job search, feeling like a complete failure. For the past 2 years now I've been sitting in my room, depressed and alone. I don't like this world.

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c86ac1 No.1579

>>1575

> I honestly thought college would change me, at least a bit. It didn't, and I gave up my job search, feeling like a complete failure. For the past 2 years now I've been sitting in my room, depressed and alone. I don't like this world.

I know how you feel anon.

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d419a4 No.1586

File: 937700518fd5576⋯.jpg (117.9 KB,558x515,558:515,1464173398747.jpg)

>family thinks i have an interview on Wednesday

>probably just going to go see a movie and kill some time that way

>continue to lie about it afterward and hide like i normally do

i'm having trouble even feeling bad about this anymore

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c86ac1 No.1587

>>1586

>>probably just going to go see a movie and kill some time that way

>>continue to lie about it afterward and hide like i normally do

I do this too

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172930 No.1610

>>1579

my stepfather took me to show me beggars to show me how i was going to end as a neet

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c86ac1 No.1613

File: 741edc2f3e8ced1⋯.jpg (172.34 KB,1280x720,16:9,1504572080113.jpg)

>>1610

>my stepfather took me to show me beggars to show me how i was going to end as a neet

Sounds like an asshole of a stepfather but i know this feeling all too well i too am scared to face reality. .tbh.

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977739 No.1616

>>1610

Sorry to hear that, anon. We all know where this life leads, he didn't need to rub it in.

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c86ac1 No.1618

>>1616

This

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d419a4 No.1636

File: bf05d0db0657aab⋯.jpg (17.52 KB,544x403,544:403,ralph.jpg)

>that painful gripping urge to just run away when life starts putting you into a corner

Logically I know it's my anxiety when I feel like this, but i've always fantasized about getting on my bike and going as far as i can. It seems silly to call it "running away" as an adult, but that's what it is. I remember watching Blue Ruin and thinking the homeless life didn't look so bad. I mean you could use public wifi and stuff. Seems very appealing right now

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c86ac1 No.1637

File: 39a066f39beb4ce⋯.jpg (52.38 KB,704x400,44:25,nhk01-06.jpg)

>>1636

I actually use to do this when i use to live with my parents i would try to run away from home many times but once i got near the high way

and saw all the cars and people walking outside my anxiety would flare up and i would run back home and go back to my room every time i'm sure other hikikomoris here can relate.

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977739 No.1647

>>1637

You made it much further than I ever did. I wouldn't even run away, I would think about it, but just end up curling up on my bed feeling miserable. I think I never actually ran because my brother had tried to run away a few times and always came back, so I figured "what's the point?" Aside from that, I never knew where to go anyway, and I usually don't do things without some sort of plan.

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c86ac1 No.1660

File: e77f1a8f2550128⋯.jpg (75.02 KB,573x516,191:172,2512351-12.jpg)

>>1647

>, I would think about it, but just end up curling up on my bed feeling miserable

I actually did this sometimes too.

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d419a4 No.1666

>>1637

I only did it once, and like you i ran home immediately after calming down a bit. That was like the first time i realized that my family didn't give a shit about me. I was in middle school and did it to act out, was gone for hours and nobody gave a shit. I barricaded my door that night and when i woke up my dad was kicking in the door telling me to get my ass up for school. Still boggles my mind how nobody in my life, even now, recognizes there's a problem. Nothing makes me feel more alone than when i think about this.

Acting out does nothing when nobody cares.

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c86ac1 No.1671

>>1666

>>1666

> like you i ran home immediately after calming down a bit. That was like the first time i realized that my family didn't give a shit about me.

Same here anon.

>Still boggles my mind how nobody in my life, even now, recognizes there's a problem. Nothing makes me feel more alone than when i think about this.

I know how you feel anon.

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d3b679 No.1676

>>1636

>>1637

>>1647

I've been trying to run away my whole life,

but there is no where to run to.

We are locked inside a Lunatic Asylum with

a life sentence. Where ever you go it's all

the same. I'm happy when I'm asleep but

I always wake up. Someday I'll perfect the

skill of staying asleep, finally freedom.

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Post last edited at

c86ac1 No.1680

File: 861b6fe7e27b6ec⋯.jpg (254 KB,632x377,632:377,a249e03d4f31606c1ccff7c499….jpg)

>>1676

>We are locked inside a Lunatic Asylum with

>a life sentence

I wouldn't describe being hikki the same as being locked up in the psych ward if anything being hikki is a lot more comfy and a lot safer compared to being locked up in the psych ward with a bunch of normalfags.

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d3b679 No.1682

>>1680

My story is about the world and billions of

people, this is the lunatic asylum I speak of.

I've been everywhere that's worth going to.

And I've done everything that's worth doing;

we don't see this until we are out of time.

……

I watch people in the world

Throw away their lives lusting after things,

Never able to satisfy their desires,

Falling into deeper despair

And torturing themselves.

Even if they get what they want

How long will they be able to enjoy it?

For one heavenly pleasure

They suffer ten torments of hell,

Binding themselves more firmly to the grindstone.

Such people are like monkeys

Frantically grasping for the moon in the water

And then falling into a whirlpool.

How endlessly those caught up in the floating world suffer.

Despite myself, I fret over them all night

And cannot staunch my flow of tears.

From Dewdrops on a Lotus Leaf: Zen Poems of Ryokan

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977739 No.1717

>>1680

This is true. Being a hikikomori at least allows for some sense of control over one's own life. Being in a psych-ward means having every single aspect of your life controlled directly by doctors and nurses. Being a hikikomori is far more comfortable.

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c86ac1 No.1724

File: a48183b448a8dac⋯.jpg (8.63 KB,298x169,298:169,hikikomori old.jpg)

>>1717

> Being a hikikomori at least allows for some sense of control over one's own life

To an extent yes but most hikkis including the originals over in Japan still live at home with their parents.

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f6cb5f No.1756

>>1717

assuming you like freedom

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d3b679 No.1758

>>1717

I wasn't talking about a 'psych-ward'.

I used the analogy of the 'Whole World'

being like a Lunatic Asylum to explain

the way it is for the most part.

Ernest Becker, and Sheldon Solomon: the denial of death, death denial psychology.

What is the essence of humanity?

"It is our knowledge that we have to die

that makes us human…"

Your control is illusory in that it is temporary.

"Facing death brings us back to life. The shock

encourages us to reflect. Calmness must not be

lost. The perception of things must change.

Nothing lasts forever."

~I Ching

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Post last edited at

977739 No.1760

>>1758

>I wasn't talking about a 'psych-ward'.

>I used the analogy of the 'Whole World'

>being like a Lunatic Asylum to explain

>the way it is for the most part.

My mistake, anon. Carry on.

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d3b679 No.1763

>>1760

That's okay just clarifying my point is all.

The big picture, macrocosm, the whole planet of so-called

normies you know?

Let's have a dialog it will be fun sharing viewpoints.

Talk about whatever you want, I'm not in a hurry.

If you listen to a youtube or two of Sheldon Solomon.

He is a simple blunt kind of guy, he's just like us but

with a PhD. He explains in short order why the world

is so fucked up. I just wanted to share this with you

because it's really important. Once you have this you

will relax that's how important this is. Because every-

thing in this crazy world hinges on this concept.

Take care

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d419a4 No.1827

>family thinks i'm starting a job soon

I have no fucking idea what to do now. I hear when you're homeless the best thing to do is have a gym membership to shower and stuff, right? That makes sense. Find an abandoned building to sleep in, steal wifi. I want to kick myself out before they do. I couldn't handle that. My uncle has been nothing but kind to me and that confrontation would surly kill me. I don't want to put him in that position. So tired of people being disappointed and mad at me.

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c86ac1 No.1830

File: 62d8703bf9ebb6c⋯.jpg (24.07 KB,350x197,350:197,sato4.jpg)

>>1827

>I hear when you're homeless the best thing to do is have a gym membership to shower and stuff, right? That makes sense. Find an abandoned building to sleep in, steal wifi.

Are you afraid of ending up homeless after being a hikki for so long anon? because i am.

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1495da No.1831

File: 2ad43753eb1c2f1⋯.gif (999.95 KB,500x302,250:151,tumblr_ma20sewy3X1qm4heyo1….gif)

>>1830

Not the anon in question, but yeah, I sure am. I could technically go to one of those group homes for crazies, but after hearing about what sorts of things go on there/the lack of freedom in some of them, I worry.

I guess if I act crazy or scary enough, people might leave me alone. But I am a triple threat of short, skinny & 'pretty' for a nutjob, and people in group homes generally don't care about forcing their dicks into crazies.

I could live on the streets, sure, but… Well, aside from the whole 'getting my ass handed to me by the crazy homeless' thing, a life without constant wifi and air conditioning? Christ.

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c86ac1 No.1833

File: ee2b56df5eb9a2f⋯.png (204.09 KB,955x686,955:686,hikikomori.png)

>>1831

> I could technically go to one of those group homes for crazies,

Living as a hikikomori in a group home isn't probably the best choice but if you have no where else to go it is better than nothing i live in a group home but it's not for crazy people it's just a regular group home i live with 3 other people who never really see me the staff who work there only knock on my bedroom door and bother me when i have to take my medication which i have been on since age 9. I don't even socially interact with them i just open the door stick my arm out show them that i did take my medication and then close the door. I take topamax because i had a seizure when i was 9 but i haven't had one since then but i still take them just to make sure And like most hikkis i love staying awake during the night hours because everyone else is sleeping and i can be comfortable with myself and be myself and nobody bothers me during the night hours only the daytime when i'm trying to sleep.

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d419a4 No.1836

>>1830

I don't think there's any way around it other than getting committed and living on NEET bucks but i'm too prideful and anxious to ever go through with that kind of stuff. Being around doctors and bureaucrats is the worst. I think about going into the forest and living a primitive life but i like the internet too much for that. Though i could, i have enough knowledge and common sense to survive by myself in the wild.

>>1831

> group homes for crazies

yeah that sounds awful

>a life without constant wifi and air conditioning? Christ.

See, i think as long as you present well you can just hop in-between coffee shops and libraries throughout the day. Gyms are air conditioned too and you need a membership to stay presentable.

>>1833

how did you end up in a group home, anon?

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c86ac1 No.1840

>>1836

>how did you end up in a group home, anon?

Back in 2014 i got in a fight with my sister and my parents kicked me out of the house because of that and they didn't like me sitting in my room 24/7 doing nothing i was put in a psych ward and had to live with a bunch of normies inside the hospital for 3 months. The other patients there were very disrespectful towards me they would beat on me make fun of me for still being a virgin and liking cartoons still as an adult. Hell this one time i was watching South Park and one of the other patients came in changed the channel and then ran off. I really didn't have a choice in the end it was move to a group home or stay in the hospital for the rest of your life those are the options they gave me.

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d419a4 No.1845

>>1840

>they would beat on me make fun of me for still being a virgin

See, if someone did that shit to me i don't know if i could stop myself from killing them. I dealt with that kind of bullying my entire childhood and if i was at rock bottom in a psych ward i would probably just beat that person to death unless i was completely out of it on drugs.

>it was move to a group home or stay in the hospital for the rest of your life

how did they come to that conclusion? are you in burgerland?

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c86ac1 No.1846

>>1845

>See, if someone did that shit to me i don't know if i could stop myself from killing them.

I once threw a chair at this degenerate nigger while i was still in the hospital because he was making fun of me for still being a virgin he always bragged to me about cheating on his wife.

>How did they come to that conclusion?

i'm not sure?? but what i do remember is that while i was there i was forced to take a medication called depakote which is a mood altering medication and i was taking that at the same time as being on topamax and taking those two medications at the same time i lost a lot of weight i dropped from 135 to 103 and was throwing up a lot more than usual. My time spent in the hospital wasn't completely bad some of the staff there felt sorry for me so they would let me relax in this one room that was in the back at night and i would have a pillow a blanket and just fall asleep with the tv on they sometimes would go buy fast food for me without the other hospital employees knowing and while i was in the hospital that was when i saw the anime Attack On Titan for the first time. I was on depakote until mid 2015 now my body pretty much is somewhat back to normal and my weight is okay now i went from 103 to 121 in the last 3 to 2 years.

>Are you in burgerland?

Yes

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d419a4 No.1847

>>1846

>I once threw a chair at this degenerate nigger

good

>i'm not sure??

Really? Seems strange that they would be doing an involuntary thing like this without significant cause but then again i don't put anything passed these people.

>my body pretty much is somewhat back to normal

good to hear

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c86ac1 No.1848

>>1847

>Really? Seems strange that they would be doing an involuntary thing like this without significant cause

That is actually what i thought.

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977739 No.1853

>>1846

>I once threw a chair at this degenerate nigger while i was still in the hospital because he was making fun of me for still being a virgin he always bragged to me about cheating on his wife.

Good to hear. I hope you caused him some pain.

>My time spent in the hospital wasn't completely bad some of the staff there felt sorry for me so they would let me relax in this one room that was in the back at night and i would have a pillow a blanket and just fall asleep with the tv on they sometimes would go buy fast food for me without the other hospital employees knowing

Glad to hear that at least some of them were nice to you. I've never been admitted to a hospital for anything, but whenever I think of it, my mind immediately goes to the movie One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest where all the doctors/nurses are corrupt and eventually lobotomize the patients. I'm glad you made it out alright though.

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c86ac1 No.1856

>>1853

>I've never been admitted to a hospital for anything, but whenever I think of it, my mind immediately goes to the movie One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest where all the doctors/nurses are corrupt and eventually lobotomize the patients.

I think of that movie that came out earlier this year called A Cure For Wellness.

>im glad you made it out alright though

Thanks anon.

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db2fdb No.1986

>>1491

you can watch others grow old but you cannot see yourself age like they do.

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c86ac1 No.1995

File: 56e23f4343b7c8f⋯.jpg (101.21 KB,725x1024,725:1024,kira komori sleeping.jpg)

>>1986

>you can watch others grow old but you cannot see yourself age like they do.

This is so true for the majority of hikikomori i'm 24 now and like >>1527 i too feel like i'm frozen in time stuck in a never ending adolescence i still think that it's 2014 sometimes but then i have to correct myself and realize that it's 2017/almost 2018.

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Post last edited at

52bfbb No.2000

File: 8daa3f95dd2e73a⋯.png (675.37 KB,800x1728,25:54,1454625374614.png)

Something that keeps coming up lately in my mind… but I despise how people abuse your mistakes to feel better about themselves. Plenty of times I've messed up a joke, flubbed some line and accidentally said something "funny". It's not enough, it seems, to be mocked and laughed at for half an hour, people feel inclined to remind you of it every once in a while, as a sort of in-joke. I've heard that they're meant to be laughing with me and not at me but I'm not laughing. Am I supposed to? I don't see why being reminded of my shortcomings is something I should rejoice in.

It happens in anonymous forums too, of course, but in this regard, I can just leave the thread and forget about it tomorrow at the latest, which is not an option in ANY community that has traceable identities.

I haven't had to deal with this in a while now, but there are some instances of it happening that I remember to this day, despite some of them happening over 10 years ago. Some of these examples are also on the internet, and if someone particularly wanted to ruin me, which a decent bit of people seem to, it wouldn't be too hard.

It was a big part of why I cut people away, and why I'm far happier as a result - no more stress over that.

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c86ac1 No.2002

File: 76d8f0535878b43⋯.png (142.11 KB,420x397,420:397,1505472618813.png)

>>2000

> despise how people abuse your mistakes to feel better about themselves

Same

>Plenty of times I've messed up a joke, flubbed some line and accidentally said something "funny". It's not enough, it seems, to be mocked and laughed at for half an hour, people feel inclined to remind you of it every once in a while, as a sort of in-joke. I've heard that they're meant to be laughing with me and not at me but I'm not laughing. Am I supposed to? I don't see why being reminded of my shortcomings is something I should rejoice in.

I know that feel anon when i use to live with my parents we would get in fights all the time and whenever i would try to explain to them how i was feeling my parents and my siblings would all gang up on me and make fun of me and laugh at me. And this didn't only happen at home in IRL i was bullied on online forums people from my school found my Youtube channel and were calling me retarded ect. i have had many situations like this happen to me and it's like i said i tried reintegrating back into society many times but every time i tried i was met with hostility i have lost all of my IRL friends i had years ago and at this point i don't care anymore and have completely given up on the world.

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d3b679 No.2006

>>2002

Every ending is a new beginning, once a problem is solved don't look back. You don't need those people, they were not your friends. If they were they would still love just the same, because they would know who you really are. A true friend won't hurt you like that, and stick by your side through thick and thin. Sometimes you have to leave mean evil people behind and change completely, and it's perfectly natural to do so.

Begin again, find a new interest and do what you want, not what others expect and want you to do. It has to be really important to you. Small steps, a little bit everyday, until before you know it the new you has a big smile and new friends again. "Hint Hint", you will find a lot of people right here that care about you, and want to hear what you have to say.

take care friend

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c86ac1 No.2009

>>2006

>Begin again, find a new interest and do what you want, not what others expect and want you to do. It has to be really important to you. Small steps, a little bit everyday, until before you know it the new you has a big smile and new friends again. "Hint Hint", you will find a lot of people right here that care about you, and want to hear what you have to say.

>take care friend

I like your advice anon also i do have online friends but no irl friends and i think this is the case with most hikkis tbh

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d419a4 No.2164

File: 068af3a239d2ba0⋯.jpg (33.15 KB,800x450,16:9,satania 1.jpg)

this >>>/b/7580673 is me, didn't want to post my nonsense here but i have some feels now that only this board could understand, i bet some of you have even tried something like this

I tried to live the dream of going indawoods and becoming that cool hermit outdoorsman we all fantasize about. It was stupid and did nothing but cause problems for me and create a whole new net of things to have nightmares about. I never should've left my room. This was probably the dumbest thing i've ever done. There is no escaping this life, it only gets worse. Suicide is the only way out i'm sure of it now. I am now so afraid of being homeless i think i'd rather be in jail. But right now all i want to do is hide in my room like i've always done.

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977739 No.2166

>>2009

I don't have online friends, unless you count the people here on /hikki/. I'm not sure it really counts though, since we don't know each others names, and I think that's one of the prerequisites for considering someone as a friend.

>>2164

>I tried to live the dream of going indawoods and becoming that cool hermit outdoorsman we all fantasize about. It was stupid and did nothing but cause problems for me and create a whole new net of things to have nightmares about

I'm sorry to hear that, anon. I wouldn't recommend suicide just yet. Try to see if you can find a way to work from home. Maybe you have a talent for programming or art? If not, try to look into skills you could work on from home and once you feel like you're ready, try to find a way to use those skills to make money. If all else fails, see if you can collect disability money.

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c86ac1 No.2172

>>2166

>I don't have online friends, unless you count the people here on /hikki/. I'm not sure it really counts though, since we don't know each others names, and I think that's one of the prerequisites for considering someone as a friend.

True

>I wouldn't recommend suicide just yet. Try to see if you can find a way to work from home. Maybe you have a talent for programming or art? If not, try to look into skills you could work on from home and once you feel like you're ready, try to find a way to use those skills to make money. If all else fails, see if you can collect disability money.

This is some pretty good advice.

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c86ac1 No.2173

File: 34b791c77b06fb1⋯.jpg (35.08 KB,634x423,634:423,7bb2f4a6.jpg)

>>2164

I do fantasize about living as an outdoor hermit in a cave somewhere in the woods but i honestly don't think i have enough confidence to even do that because of my mild agoraphobia and i also like being surrounded by all of my things like my tv computer video games movies nice comfy bed and so on look at this way us hikikomori are basically digital age hermits.

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81fed3 No.3014

>>1471

especially hearing their agonizing screams while you use them as personal torture toys. i'm thinking of adopting another cat tommorow. Here's hoping this one lasts longer than the last one.

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86fc23 No.3015

lack of sex, I've been doing nofap for 4 months now and every day my desire for the real thing grows, but I know it most likely will never happen to me, it's something I want to experience at least once

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c86ac1 No.3016

>>3015

I know how you feel anon i too am trying to do nofap.

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977739 No.3023

>>3015

I find it highly unlikely that I will ever have a girlfriend or wife in my lifetime, so I don't bother with nofap. Instead, I'm trying to fap less often. I think if I can limit myself to 1-2 times per week, I will feel much better. Any more than that, and I feel like I would be depriving myself of something I enjoy for no real reason.

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86fc23 No.3026

>>3023

>I find it highly unlikely that I will ever have a girlfriend or wife in my lifetime

yes, so do I, but I want to try before giving up

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c86ac1 No.3035

>>3015

>>3023

>>3026

Well VR is the future us hikkis will now be able to get laid through virtual reality porn.

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efbdf2 No.3044

>>3035

Yeah, it's really the only thing I use my Vive for.

Pretty amazing experience though. VR Kanojo, especially. Might be exactly what's needed to revive the Japanese eroge market.

Can't wait until there's some kind of feeling simulator for VR.

>>3026

Good luck anon, just remember that 3D women aren't important while you try, that way they can't hurt you.

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977739 No.3045

>>3026

I used to be of a like mind. Unfortunately, I came to realize that it simply won't happen for me. Not only do I never go outside, but even if I eventually do get a job, I will still avoid people as much as possible. Aside from that, every time I see modern women on the internet or anywhere else, I lose a little more hope. They're selfish, deceitful, vain, and ignorant. They care more about browsing facebook, becoming camwhore e-celebs, and posting shit on twitter/instagram/snapchat, than they do about becoming wives or mothers. Worse still, the few women out there who are actually well adjusted and decent are either already taken or simply out of my reach. So at this point I've given up, and will instead strive to make my hikki lifestyle as comfy and fulfilling as possible.

Don't let my situation and personal view on the matter discourage you though. I really do wish you the best of luck in your efforts to find a good woman and settle down. Just be careful not to fall for the wrong person, or you may end up more miserable than when you started.

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c86ac1 No.3055

>>3044

>Yeah, it's really the only thing I use my Vive for.

>Pretty amazing experience though. VR Kanojo, especially. Might be exactly what's needed to revive the Japanese eroge market.

>Can't wait until there's some kind of feeling simulator for VR.

I can't wait until VR becomes like that new movie that's coming out called Ready Player One where you can actually physically be in the simulation.

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86fc23 No.3065

>>3045

yes, my hopes are not high at all, I don't have the guts to approach girls period, and keep to myself, and I don't think things will change once I start working (going to have to at some point), and yes, I don't have high hopes for women either, because of the things you mentioned, but at the same time I look at myself and I am not a high worth man either so… all the same I try to be hopeful, if only because it makes me want to break out of the hikki life because I am not happy at all but at the same time I doubt I would be happy living a "normal" life, truly seems like there's no way for me to achieve happiness

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efbdf2 No.3073

>>3055

Man, if that ever came out I'd be dead in a week because I'd never leave the simulation.

Then again, dying in ecstasy doesn't sound that bad.

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c86ac1 No.3074

>>3073

>Man, if that ever came out I'd be dead in a week because I'd never leave the simulation.

Same here.

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d419a4 No.3082

File: 0117eb532d07d5a⋯.gif (742.32 KB,500x281,500:281,crying.gif)

I really don't spend much time thinking about being in a relationship because it just seems so distant from my reality. Never really felt the whole tfw no gf thing but last night i had one of those vivid dreams that you remember and think about all day.

>i have my own apartment somehow

>meet a semi-passable girl (male)

>she's cute and approaches me

>mutually care for each other's insanity

>she moves in with me and we live happily ever after

the worst part is in the dream it seemed attainable

>>3055

>>3074

>>3073

in reality it will probably be more like the movie Gamer where people addicted to the simulation will have to wagecuck within the simulation to pay for its use

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00cdd3 No.3090

>>3082

> it will probably be more like the movie Gamer where people addicted to the simulation will have to wagecuck within the simulation to pay for its use

Maybe but people will probably find ways around that hackers and pirates are very smart people.

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4dc9ba No.3103

>>3065

>all the same I try to be hopeful, if only because it makes me want to break out of the hikki life because I am not happy at all

I know what you mean. I used to be miserable sitting here in my room, alone, thinking of all the people I used to know who moved on in their lives. However, over the past few months that I have spent here on /hikki/, I have come to realize just how much I truly enjoy and value my solitude. Of course, I understand that some of us also wish to reintegrate into society and try to build relationships and families. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best.

>truly seems like there's no way for me to achieve happiness

Like I said before, since I started browsing /hikki/ I have discovered how much joy I get from being alone. This is because the good people here on /hikki/, whether they meant to or not, have taught me a priceless lesson: Happiness comes from within.

It all must begin with you. Outside forces cannot make you truly happy, they can only dull or amplify what you already feel. So if you are unhappy, a girlfriend or wife cannot fix it, only make it seem less painful. It's like how the normalfags say "you can't love someone else until you love yourself." It's almost true in a way. You can't be happy with others until you find a sense of peace and joy within yourself. Simply put, make sure that whatever you do in your search for happiness, you do for yourself first. It seems a bit selfish, I know, but once you learn to be happy with yourself, you will be better able to make others happy, as your actions will become truly genuine.

Good luck, anon, I hope you find your happiness.

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513f9b No.3116

>>3103

Very well said, it's in you, the power to create love. The only goals in life are: learning to love other people and acquiring knowledge. There is only one law in the universe, that all things change, and that all things are impermanent. While the bitter sea swirls around us we endure. We try to keep our heads above water, that is all. Remember the example of an old cow, she's content to sleep in a barn. You have to eat, sleep, and shit, that's unavoidable, beyond that is none of your business. What is true; the only Koan there is ?

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00cdd3 No.3143

File: 0d78078fc9ee80f⋯.jpg (44.66 KB,409x409,1:1,1509412005505.jpg)

>>3103

> over the past few months that I have spent here on /hikki/, I have come to realize just how much I truly enjoy and value my solitude.

Same here anon i mean i do have my moments where i get depressed lonely and feel like a failure but for the most part it's so peaceful

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4dc9ba No.3167

>>3116

>While the bitter sea swirls around us we endure. We try to keep our heads above water, that is all.

That is very true. Life is never truly predictable, and nothing in life is certain. If we are unable to endure and adapt to the changes around us, we die. That is the fist and most fundamental lesson we learn in this life.

>>3143

>i do have my moments where i get depressed lonely and feel like a failure

I think all of us do from time to time, but I've come to realize that I'm far happier alone than I would ever be living like a normalfag, who lives for nothing but work, parties, sex, and social media.

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00cdd3 No.3276

>>3167

> I've come to realize that I'm far happier alone than I would ever be living like a normalfag

Sane here.

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b8bb19 No.3280

>>3167

What if there was a third option? Not complete loneliness and isolation, but also not the things you described. This is what I will try to find I think, but I do not know if it exists.

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d6d672 No.3286

File: 3c05ab9fd4c5c19⋯.png (44.41 KB,657x527,657:527,1463555449456.png)

I'd just love to have someone to cuddle while watching movies/tv shows, occasionally smell their hair and perfume.

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618f08 No.3288

I'm a loser with no skill that can generate money. The only thing I can see myself doing to make money is some kind of remote programming but I procrastinate so much that it likely won't ever happen. And I don't really have the interest to seriously try to work myself out of my current state. Eventually I'll either get a brain-dead low wage job, or get on disability and be bound to the government. Both suck.

I'd kill myself but I'm terrified of non-existence.

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00cdd3 No.3289

>>3288

>I'd kill myself but I'm terrified of non-existence.

I know how you feel especially when we have no fucking clue what comes after death.

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951420 No.3309

Ive had a lot of dreams in my life but honestly I know none of them will ever happen, I knew that even before becoming hikki. Not sure I feel too bad about it I think, im kind of scared of being happy, Im so used to being depressed that Im not sure it would even be me if I were happy.

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8aa708 No.3311

>>3289

Compost comes next, 'after life' is imaginary, it's death denial. Dead is dead, all there is is life and nobody owns it. Life is the gift do you understand? Humans have made it almost unbearable because of their stupid money game. But if you can see past all of the bullshit you can still have moments of inspiration and happiness.

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7001bb No.3312

>>3289

Meh, death doesn't scare that much. If there is an afterlife then I'll worry about that when I'm there and if there isn't then well, I wouldn't have the capacity to care being dead and all.

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4dc9ba No.3315

>>3280

Sorry if I gave the impression that there's only a binary choice between complete isolation or normalfaggotry. There is a great spectrum of possible life-styles to go by, I just found that I personally prefer to be alone. I hope you find a life that makes you happy and fulfilled, anon. One piece of advice I would like to offer, be careful who you open up to when you meet new people. Most people will cringe and recoil when faced with ideas that are not status-quo, you could quickly find yourself ostracized and back to the hikki-life if you aren't careful. Good luck, anon.

>>3288

>>3289

>>3311

Personally, I have always been more afraid of the idea that there is an afterlife, and that some deity from another realm of existance will judge us based off his own personal criteria. The thought that death is simply a passage into eternal nothingness sounds rather peaceful to me.

>>3309

>im kind of scared of being happy, Im so used to being depressed that Im not sure it would even be me if I were happy.

I know exactly how you feel. Even when I'm at my best, it's likely more appropriate to say that I am content, rather than truly happy. Also, I smile so rarely that when I do see my own smile in the mirror, it looks strange and alien to me.

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77e972 No.3318

>>3289

>>3288

/the better life you imagine/ comes when you die.

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8aa708 No.3321

>>3315

My point is that your fear of the imaginary (fairytales) is making you unhappy. Forget about all of the stories you were taught as a child most are fear based superstition. The physical sciences are helpful because you have a physical body that can be hurt. The only thing that can hurt your mind is a negative belief, any belief really, because it prevents you from a direct interface with reality.

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b8bb19 No.3332

>>596

>little to no help for western hikkis

This really really pisses me off… nobody gives a shit about us. There's help for everyone else but we're just ignored. And we're expected to care about society? Supposed to do all the work required to become a functioning (and by that I mean a work drone that no one likes, which is most likely what a hikki that is "functioning" would be) just so we can pay back into the system that did not help us when we needed it?

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00cdd3 No.3335

>>3332

>nobody gives a shit about us. There's help for everyone else but we're just ignored. And we're expected to care about society? Supposed to do all the work required to become a functioning (and by that I mean a work drone that no one likes, which is most likely what a hikki that is "functioning" would be) just so we can pay back into the system that did not help us when we needed it?

Exactly it really makes me sad that social withdrawal isn't understood very well in the west tbh.

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e51500 No.3805

Isolation, loneliness, friendless

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00cdd3 No.3806

File: c9ebe493a246e57⋯.jpg (94.35 KB,291x273,97:91,1457387266448.jpg)

>>3805

>Isolation, loneliness, friendless

I know that feel anon it really does start to get to you after awhile.

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30db29 No.4095

>Why are you unhappy /hikki/??.

life is meaningless

the things I used to enjoy have lost their appeal

world is going into a direction I do not like at all

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00cdd3 No.4102

File: 7bbc2e7192f4c1f⋯.jpg (237.59 KB,500x375,4:3,hikikomori eating.jpg)

>>4095

>life is meaningless

>the things I used to enjoy have lost their appeal

>world is going into a direction I do not like at all

I know that feel bro i pretty much have lost the motivation to do anything tbh nowadays i get tired easily and i also don't wanna get out of bed much anymore i just wanna die slowly because i've pretty much stopped caring.

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66d850 No.4118

File: d6d4d99d4dc8e0b⋯.webm (6.39 MB,640x360,16:9,Dead Flag Blues.webm)

I've been thinking about this a lot recently, that I don't need a reason to live, what i truly want is a reason to die. Men weren't meant to live like this. We struggled and died, leaving something behind worthwhile. We had families with futures. You could die knowing your life pushed everything forward even if it was just for one person or one act selflessness. People with a legacy are not afraid of death. But you can't build anything anymore. The family is dead, a man can only have children if a female and the state allows it and they can revoke that at the drop of a hat. Even then they're just going to get corrupted. I mean what good can you do as a modern man right now? I can't think of anything other than flat out killing people in a vigilante sort of way. But even then it wouldn't matter because you can't change anything and those acts are likely to be subverted and turned into something toxic. I just don't know. It's hard to express these feelings. I feel like i'm trapped in this awful reality where the only right thing to do is nothing at all.

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590e6d No.4119

File: 607e14af136a42a⋯.jpg (58.26 KB,875x700,5:4,607e14af136a42a887c252fc0f….jpg)

>>4118

The modern world is fucked beyond belief, unfortunately. It shouldn't have been the way it is. In an average neighborhood, people can't trust each other anymore and invest insane amounts of money into fences and security (the increased push for diversity had certainly had an effect, as the races inherently don't trust each other).

The increased push for "equal rights" for the genders has allowed women to abuse men for their own benefit while simultaneously despising them, and men are checking out, as they are rightfully scared of getting jailed for speaking to a woman wrong. Dating was meant to be fair and fun, but now it's like a pop-quiz, and if you don't get 100%, you auto-fail.

Politics, also, were meant to merely exist in the background of the world, to where you only think about it once a week at best, once the man on the radio says "hey, the president enacted a new tax cut" or something. But now you can't go an hour in real life without being fed someone's political opinion.

So you can't get a girlfriend/wife, can't have a family, can't feel safe in your own home and can't even be left alone in your day to day. The only thing that's left is the fleeting momentary humor you get from imageboards and perhaps a hobby or two that you might have. It's miserable, I absolutely agree. And the only reason I'm alive is because I can still get lost in my hobbies (that are getting defiled by Marxist bastards on a daily basis)

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00cdd3 No.4123

File: 4656f54cb238a96⋯.gif (471.56 KB,373x281,373:281,4656f54cb238a96887303e8340….gif)

>>4118

>I don't need a reason to live, what i truly want is a reason to die.

I know this feel all too well i can't handle living anymore and i lack any real motivation to do anything anymore.

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00cdd3 No.4128

>>4118

>>4119

> But now you can't go an hour in real life without being fed someone's political opinion.

Society overall is just getting worse and worse and worse tbh and exactly families are even divided now because of all this political bullshit.

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629458 No.4134

>>4102

>tired

oh man, the tiresomeness is killing me. I was always the type of guy that people were asking if I even slept but over the past few years it really went too bad. Today you could easily mistake me for a cannabis addict when you look at my mental capabilities. I struggle to get up even after 12 hours of sleep. I feel like a zombie throughout the day.

I am sad that you have the same problems as I do though. At least here we can connect with likeminded people and not feel like complete loners.

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00cdd3 No.4136

>>4134

> I feel like a zombie throughout the day.

Same here to be honest.

>I am sad that you have the same problems as I do though. At least here we can connect with likeminded people and not feel like complete loners.

Very true.

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337818 No.4137

File: 7c2e5595b6c6ee2⋯.jpg (13.01 KB,229x343,229:343,587af46faafedd2bd1ad0edee3….jpg)

>>4119

I can't tell you how much I despise modern day politics. Everyone gets so uppity over fucking opinions of shit that doesn't even matter nor asked all the goddamn time for while real problems happening right now are ignored in favor of virtue signaling about how much of a good person or edgy they are. No one wants to challenge each others thoughts anymore and everyone retreats into there own hugboxes and echo chambers and ban for "wrong think". The current year "other opinions are toxic" bollocks plaguing western society doesn't help. I really don't understand how anyone can look at whats happening in the world and not just want to fucking kill themselves.

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00cdd3 No.4146

File: b7be2a53d7b5d24⋯.jpeg (32.03 KB,512x512,1:1,b7be2a53d7b5d249fcb7e2026….jpeg)

>>4137

> I really don't understand how anyone can look at whats happening in the world and not just want to fucking kill themselves.

I know right tell me about it.

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580ca8 No.4147

File: 8da63687e596561⋯.png (228.03 KB,850x400,17:8,ClipboardImage.png)

>>4137

>> I really don't understand how anyone can look at whats happening in the world and not just want to fucking kill themselves.

I know right man I keep looking at the world and find out that it's so fucking messy How can I survive in it anymore

Even wonderd why are you still alive anyway ?

That's how I'm living everyday

people are dump and getting dumper everyday

Things aren't what they used to be anymore

everyone keep desiring meaningless things

Everyone wants to be in a good jop and to be rich and so on

I will die soon and I know it

I even feel pretty much far away from everything

Idk if the world become very boring or it's just me

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00cdd3 No.4150

File: 05dc0abd31baccf⋯.gif (442.88 KB,500x285,100:57,nhk depressed.gif)

>>4147

>I know right man I keep looking at the world and find out that it's so fucking messy How can I survive in it anymore

>Even wonderd why are you still alive anyway ?

>That's how I'm living everyday

>I know right man I keep looking at the world and find out that it's so fucking messy How can I survive in it anymore

>Even wonderd why are you still alive anyway ?

>That's how I'm living everyday

I know that feel bro honestly i feel like i have no purpose in this world anymore i also feel completely drained of life and i just wanna disappear completely but i can't even motivate myself to kill myself either because to be honest it just seems like a big pain in the ass.

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335126 No.4710

File: d7e9517c01a1a72⋯.jpg (57.14 KB,800x450,16:9,TnT02.jpg)

I don't know if it's only me who feels this way but theres nothing I want, sure I need a new PC if I'm going to play the newer games but I don't really care whether I can or not I don't even play games much anymore.

Even if I went out got a job and got money there is nothing I'd buy so what's the point, the only thing I do want is someone to talk to occasionally when the loneliness creeps in but I'd soon run out of topics to discuss as I don't do anything all day yesterday was the same as today and today will be the same as tomorrow on my deathbed I'll still be waiting for my life to start and it never will.

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b4dbf3 No.4711

>>4710

> the only thing I do want is someone to talk to occasionally when the loneliness creeps in but I'd soon run out of topics to discuss

You will always have us anon us hikkis have to stick together.

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335126 No.4712

>>4711

If the worst were to happen and Jim shut down the site where would we go now that hikkichan is gone?

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b4dbf3 No.4713

File: 786e48fb95cfa47⋯.jpg (90.8 KB,620x524,155:131,2263990i.jpg)

>>4712

>If the worst were to happen and Jim shut down the site where would we go now that hikkichan is gone?

I don't think that will happen anytime soon but if it does there is always Wizardchan and Tohno Chan i'm also thinking about creating a new imageboard for true hikkis only i wouldn't let it end up like hikkichan i would do a better job tbh and if any of you guys wanted to be mods i would gladly appreciate that but as of right now i'm only considering the idea there is more in the meta sticky about this discussion.

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335126 No.4714

>>4713

Seems to me that wizchan went downhill a while ago I won't go there anymore I'm 90% sure all of the posts are roleplayers

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08d4a9 No.4715

>>4710

>theres nothing I want

I understand this all too well. I suppose in a way I'm just content with the world as is, I probably wouldn't feel much different if most of the people in the world just disappeared completely.

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4dc9ba No.4716

>>4710

>>4715

Recently, I was thinking about what I would do if I ever won the lottery, and what kind of things I would buy. To my surprise, the list was very short:

>a place of my own

>a new PC

>a drawing tablet

>a new desk and chair

>some new clothes (mine are getting a bit ragged now)

I realized that with the exception of a place of my own, all of these things aren't too hard to come by. Unfortunately, it means I would have to put up with several months of wageslaving to get them, but after that I would be set for years, theoretically.

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335126 No.4717

>>4716

What else do people actually buy though? I'll never understand how people can barely "survive" with a full time job

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4dc9ba No.4726

>>4717

It's the normalfags. They waste their money on countless frivolities, luxury cars, houses with more rooms than anyone really needs, massive televisions, the latest phones, a new outfit for every day of the week, dozens of pairs of shoes, a plethora of the latest electronics that they don't know how to use, the list goes on. And of course once they've bought up all of those things, they blow the rest on drugs and alcohol for parties where they invite all of their "friends," by which I mean people they occasionally socialize with who don't actually care about them and vice versa.

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9957d5 No.4732

>>419

I squandered all the opportunities i was given in this life.

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00cdd3 No.4736

File: 94ca6cd026ef287⋯.jpg (44.13 KB,635x473,635:473,1469417019421.jpg)

>>4732

>I squandered all the opportunities i was given in this life.

I know what you mean anon i've pretty much done the same thing all of my life there were a few times i did try to escape this lifestyle and rejoin society but for the most part i've pretty much threw away all the opportunities i was given in life i think most hikkis suffer from Avoidant personality disorder.

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66d850 No.4759

>last week lawyer emails me and uncle saying she wants to talk to us

>no idea what its about since uncle isn't involved with lawsuit

>come today get ambushed with intervention type thing and have my spaghetti spilled

Apparently she thought it was a good idea to spring the idea of going to a psychiatrist on me in front of my uncle. See, i gave her my discharge papers from the army that said i was self harming and super depressed and anxious. That's why i was discharged from the army. But my uncle didn't know that. I told my family that i had injured my knees which isn't a lie. My knees are shit and i hurt them pretty badly doing all that high impact training. So now she's going to give us names to look up and see, even offering to front the money. I have no excuses and i can't pretend like all is well in front of my uncle anymore. Im not even all that depressed right now, i'm just a schizoid who wants nothing to do with other people. My problems right now stem from being forced to wagecuck and deal with this kind of shit.

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66b33f No.4765

>>4759

Damn that sucks anon hope everything works out eventually.

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1c0eeb No.4768

>>4759

Sounds awful, but maybe if you're able to weather through, it may mean you could get neetbucks, save for a place of your own, and be free of wagecuckery or people bothering you.

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66d850 No.4769

>>4768

yeah i'm thinking of just going all in on this if the person is actually willing to listen, i'm sure they'll dump pills on me and all sorts of shit the second i start talking

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66d850 No.4770

>>4769

for the sake of neetbucks obviously i realize they cant help me

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335126 No.4773

>>4769

Dumping pills is the backbone of psychiatry, I cant tell you what to do but I personally wouldn't take them.

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1cbda5 No.5765

File: 280fe82993a3fb5⋯.png (26.97 KB,458x428,229:214,1520604598317.png)

I can't take it anymore i'm sick of life i don't get pleasure out of doing anything anymore everyday is the same and all i do is sleep 13 hours a day wake up eat nothing but starch crap and browse the internet. I'm tired of seeing my siblings and other family members being more successful than me and i'm tired of just overall living because i know deep down i will never be able to function in society anyway so what's the point? i'm done i've had enough..

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e7dd0c No.5769

>>5765

>I can't take it anymore i'm sick of life

We all are

> don't get pleasure out of doing anything anymore everyday is the same

Anhedonia kicked in and I have no idea how to solve it, I personally force myself to sit and do one thing at a time, but I'm still a dead corpse nonetheless.

>all i do is sleep 13 hours a day wake up eat nothing but starch crap and browse the internet

A typical day of mine. but I sleep for over twenty hours these days since I've nothing to wake up for, nor I have any motivation to change myself (no I'm not just a lazy douchebag who don't want to change his ways.)

>I'm tired of seeing my siblings and other family members being more successful than me and i'm tired of just overall living because i know deep down i will never be able to function in society anyway.

I'm sick of seeing them functioning well into the creepy world, while I'm siting in my room starting at the ceiling, I cry alot too not because I've missed the (life bus) but because I'm sick of everything. I can't sit and watch of anime that I like, unless, I'm forcing my self but even then I can't continue it. so as a result I go to my bed lay down on it and fall asleep.

> what's the point? i'm done i've had enough..

Life is a meaningless struggle BO and only normals are able to be the best players, while we're the weakest of the weak hiding in our caves like rats, because we're too afraid of walking among the normal players, they may eat us alive, so our automatic action is to hide and wait til the madness and retardation ends.

So your best option (aside from suicide because you still have people who care about you don't hurt them wait until they die first.

Yeah I know they're the reason we're now and we should hate them. still can't put them in such a desperate situation, they will have to deal with alot of shit right after they discover your corps.

So try to fing something that will help you

I may sound like a normalfag at this part in particular, but believe me my hobby is the only thing that keeps me alive. (I.e I aimed to be fluent in English one year ago and now I'm advanced level) you can do the same, pick up a language and start learning it instead of browsing the weird study it everyday, It'll be a torture at the beginning, but once you reach the upper intermediate level you ill be able explore new cultures, watch unpopular TV shows in their native language and give it a try If it didn't work out for you, try another thing there are alot of hobbies that you can master them

Don't give up without a fight. I'm not encouraging you to leave, that's your right you can decide whether you truly want to leave or not. but I just wanted you to believe that anti depression pills, especially wellbutrin and practising English kept me alive for years.

Btw, if you're being forced to work a deadend job and be a wageslave. remember your life in in your hand once it gets unbearable enough click the button

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1cbda5 No.5772

File: ffd62b49b2a47f5⋯.gif (203.94 KB,500x277,500:277,giphy.gif)

>>5769

>We all are

True.

>Anhedonia kicked in and I have no idea how to solve it, I personally force myself to sit and do one thing at a time, but I'm still a dead corpse nonetheless

I've been trying to do this too.

>A typical day of mine. but I sleep for over twenty hours these days since I've nothing to wake up for, nor I have any motivation to change myself

Damn that's a lot more sleep than i get.

>Im sick of seeing them functioning well into the creepy world, while I'm siting in my room starting at the ceiling, I cry alot too not because I've missed the (life bus) but because I'm sick of everything. I can't sit and watch of anime that I like, unless, I'm forcing my self but even then I can't continue it. so as a result I go to my bed lay down on it and fall asleep.

This is how i feel pretty much almost everyday. Part of me is upset that i have pretty much missed the (life bus) but part of me is also content with my situation and i am somewhat happy being a hikikomori neet.

>Life is a meaningless struggle BO and only normals are able to be the best players, while we're the weakest of the weak hiding in our caves like rats, because we're too afraid of walking among the normal players,

This is true.

>If you're being forced to work a deadend job and be a wageslave. remember your life in in your hand once it gets unbearable enough click the button.

True there is really no excuse for wagecucking unless you're maybe really desprate for money.

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e5b47f No.5774

>>5769

>I'm sick of seeing them functioning well into the creepy world, while I'm siting in my room starting at the ceiling

I know this feel all too well. For them it seems like everything is effortless and smooth sailing where they went from college to multiple job offers to getting to move around the country and travel the world regularly

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0ec491 No.5777

>have been a NEET for like 5 years at this point

>just got out of mental ward

>spent almost 2 weeks there after hurting myself

>don't have a job or any prospects or getting one

>"have you decided to get your drivers license yet"

are you fucking kidding me

it's like they just can't/won't grasp that i'm fucked up

it's like they just assume that i'm just a lazy lovable douche who "lol just can't get his shit together haha"

like i'm some fucking sitcom character

or on the other hand i have family who just treats me like i'm retarded after this incident

as if i'm not even a real person and am just like this thing they're obligated to interact with sometimes

i hate this shit

i hate having to live with my family and i know all too well how awful being homeless is

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afa97c No.5781

All I have in my life are games. Right now my sole purpose in life is to get decent at playing R6S. Pretty fucking sad.

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a14154 No.5795

File: c87c6ac39373cfb⋯.jpg (67.26 KB,500x484,125:121,150932345982.jpg)

>>3082

I know that feels…

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d0f049 No.5801

life is just hell I dunno how else to put it

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1cbda5 No.5802

>>5801

>life is just hell I dunno how else to put it

Very true.

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