/hikki/ - Hikikomori

Perpetually unfulfilled.

I failed to achieve my dream and it's too late to fulfill it now.

>>430

>I failed to achieve my dream and it's too late to fulfill it now.

What was your dream anon?.

Constant criticism from my parents and a shitty attention span made me a perfectionist without the patience to see things through. But since I dont care about anything I'm in the "I cant do it perfectly so why do it at all" mindset.

I'm a huge failure in every way. For some reason, everything I do is either sub par or just complete shit. It's never good enough. That's why I don't appeal to anyone whatsoever. I could be the last person to pick on the team or just being used for their gains and what not.

Also, I feel like I'm cursed with girls. Every time I interact with them, nothing is really happening between us. Either that or she doesn't seem to have interest for a fat fuck like me. So I've come to a conclusion that I can never get with any girl in my life and I've accepted that I'll truly be forever alone.

I can't seem establish friends that are good on my book. Yes, I have standards with making friends. I realized trying to be friends with, if not all, but some is a hassle. Plus some of the people I've met so far aren't open-minded, understanding enough. They're quick to judge and they somehow put you down for some reason.

Basically unhappy about everything that's going on in this world. I can't do well like the others can do and I seem to be given up on trying overall. It's tiresome to try and try and try and try and try when there's no good results in the end.

>>435

>Constant criticism from my parents

This also happened to me.

I ragequitted. I was not a social person but I used to have a job, a doctorate, a bit of network, give the occasional conference and such. I don't have the will anymore. Life rewards the most abominable and punishes the hard working ones.

I got abused as a kid, and I have infinite hate for this family. I told the last one of these fucking leeches to go fuck itself last month and have never answered a call again. I only hope God gives these fuckers their deserved judgement. That asshole wealthy uncle disinherited me on belief from my thrice-divorced whore mother that I was the devil somehow. I wish that fucker the worst death, unfortunately it's rule in my family that the most abominable tend to last the longest.

I've also been put on psychiatric drugs which fucked me up considerably, which makes me wonder how I managed to get that far in life honestly. It's over for me, being alone is the only way to peace, and I assume being neet for the rest of my days.

>>462

>>462

> It's over for me, being alone is the only way to peace, and I assume being neet for the rest of my days.

Same here.

>>462

>Life rewards the most abominable and punishes the hard working ones.

This is also a big part of the reason why I have given up. These days, the most crooked people are the ones who get ahead in life. Today, most companies operate off of an unspoken policy of nepotism, which stacks the odds even further against people like us who don't have any connections. The best we can hope to do is try to scrape by however we can, and do whatever is necessary to distance ourselves from this depraved society.

>>470

>These days, the most crooked people are the ones who get ahead in life

This is so true

>>533

>I feel like life is a dream that I'm observing and whenever I try to become active I get hurt or hurt others.

I know that feel bro.

>>532

What do you do for escapism??.

>>528

> I think /hikki/ has actually helped in a strange way

Admin here glad to hear the board is helping you.

>>540

>It's nice to be reminded that you're not just alone in a world of sluts, sociopaths, savages and scum.

True

>>540

>I make vidya, so I suppose creating worlds and characters in my mind is escapism,

What kind of video games do you make anon??.

>>549

Well, haven't put one out yet, mostly because I kept perfecting story ideas a lot, but finally settled on one. Not much to show yet, though, very unfinished. Might shill it a bit once I have something.

It's about an antisocial girl who tried to kill herself.

>>539

>>540

>It's nice to be reminded that you're not just alone in a world of sluts, sociopaths, savages and scum.

Absolutely. I've been able to somewhat mingle with others in the past. I can act polite and friendly and all, but it's just a facade. Even in the rare case where people have accepted me, I can't really accept them because they don't understand me and we seldom have similar interests. I guess I'm just a little too different to fit in with the 'real world'. It's not like that here though, I feel like I've finally found a place where I'm understood and accepted to some degree. It makes life more bearable.

>>554

>You wouldn't believe.

What do you mean??.

>>555

Trips.

I can't even vaguely tell what happened to me but it's just utterly fucked up and unforgivable.

And the worse your story is, the more people are desperate to pin it on you, because the very idea of things like that happening scares them.

>>567

>the worse your story is, the more people are desperate to pin it on you, because the very idea of things like that happening scares them.

This is so true.

>>572

Psych diagnoses operate under the flawed assumption that there was anything wrong with you in the first place.

They're also excellent at making up 500 different names for the same thing; erosion of trust. That's it. That's all there has ever been to it. Barring an obvious neurological condition, everyone is simply well adapted to their environment, and the environment isn't always nice.

>>575

<well, um, your brain, you know, there's a lack of happy juice there, and, um, that's not normal, because everyone else is happy, so, you know, you're not normal, goyi… f-friend. here, trust us, we're doctors, we'll fix you right up! just become dependent on us for your fix of meds for the rest of your life!

Yeah, of course, a disillusioned brain would look different to a content normie brain, but I don't see why that's so objectionable in these people's mind.

>>419

my mother spoiled my plan to move to another city because she thought i would not manage to live by myself

now she is forcing me to undertake shitty studies in our city or to work

>>575

Psych diagnoses operate under the flawed assumption that there was anything wrong with you in the first place.

it there was nothing wrong with anon he would not get any diagnosis

>>631

>The issue I have with games is working up the motivation to actually play them and sticking with them to start to finsh. I normally lose interest about the halfway point which puts me in a shit position when I stop playing and try to come back after a while, as I'm too far in start again or conutiue because I've forgotten everything. Been that way since as long as I can remember though but its still a shit habit.

I do exactly this. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've started a game, only to drop it for no good reason, and then start over again later. Even worse, each time I put down a game, it takes me even longer to get around to starting it again because I don't want to play the beginning of the game again, but I can't jump into any old saves because I will be lost. I don't know why it's so hard to commit to something.

>>632

>>631

>>611

I know why this happens (i think).

When we procrastinate too much and are conscious of it we feel bad about it (unconsciously) and do not enjoy it, nor are we present at the moment. I felt that today and it's pretty weird i've come across this board and discussion, since i'm trying real hard to drop my 2 years of hikkineetdom away.

>>705

I like your take on this anon also how did you find /hikki/??.

>>717

>I have depression and anxiety so it's hard for me to play games at all.

Just don't play online like on Xbox live or something and you will be fine.

>>718

Thank you, but I'm sorry to say it's not just social anxiety. It's hard for me to get motivated and it's hard for me to do things I don't usually do. I miss vidya.

>>722

> it's not just social anxiety. It's hard for me to get motivated and it's hard for me to do things I don't usually do.

I know that feel bro i suggest to try and play video games once and then go from there it will eventually become routine and then you will have motivation to do something fun while in isolation.

>>723

Thank you! I'm playing an offline game right now.

>>724

> I'm playing an offline game right now.

Good to hear anon.

>>756

>I don't really do online games unless some people I know well are also playing. Otherwise my anxiety flares up

I know that feel bro i'm not big into online ether for this same reason.

>>756

>>834

On the occasion that I do play online games, I always play them solo. I don't like socializing both because of the mild anxiety, and because I can never relate to them anyway so I lose interest in their conversations. When random people invite me to join their guild/group, I respectfully decline, then proceed to travel to a distant area so they don't bother me further. In the rare case that I do join a guild/faction/group/etc., I only do so because the group is so large that I can receive the in-game perks of a large group without anyone trying to talk to me, so I can continue to play solo.

>be ugly

>be hikki

>want waifu

>will never have waifu

>want to die

>too superstitious to kill myself

>>419

Apathetic

>>631

>>632

>>700

I do this same thing, except when it's a game I really enjoy like Persona 5 I usually will play it until the very, very end but some crippling fear of the emptiness that always happens when something you enjoy ends keeps me from finishing it. But it's like finishing it anyway since I never go back to playing. I've been trying to play old MMOs out of nostalgia from when I was just starting out as a hikki, when I didn't really think I was going to be a hikki so my general outlook wasn't so bleak and hopeless and I was able to enjoy it and make friends, but it never feels the same again and I'm always alone.

Life is short don't take the easy way out. Here is something to think about.

http://www.pantherwebworks.com/i_ching/

http://reoxy.org/wiki/Deoxy.1.html

https://www.plague.tech/deoxy/index/Deoxy@target=_top.html

>>855

Is that like some deep web shit?? kinda looks like it after i clicked on those links.

F*ck That: An Honest Meditation

How to Manifest Abundance

I really like this guy, The Barefoot Doctor :)

>>1124

I like the way this guy thinks.

>>1148

Yeah the psychology is powerful, think about the implications of what he's saying. It's not just a different mindset, he lives on a different planet. He's really saying; I've never been so happy since I gave up the normie-dream. He's made a lot of money in his life too and he seems happy.

The Taoist Approach to Mental Health and Wellbeing

>>1178

>me being an older brother of 3 younger sisters and having shit parents

Very similar story, anon. i'm the oldest of 2 sisters and 3 brothers, though i live with my uncle now. Toward the end of living with them i did carve out a spot in our garage where i could be alone and sleep all day to avoid them. I don't even hate my siblings, i just don't have any connection to them ya know.

>when i get my own apartment ill. completely cut them out of my life

same, if it ever happens, the only reason i talk to anybody is because i don't have a choice

>>1182

>don't even hate my siblings, i just don't have any connection to them ya know.

Same here

>The only reason i talk to anybody is because i don't have a choice

exactly same here i been a hikikomori for 10 years almost 11 and to be honest i can't really see a future for me and i have already accepted that i will die already in the next few years.

>>1183

>10 years

godspeed, anon, only 5 years here

>>1185

>especially when you consider that our lifestyle is essentially parasitic in nature.

This kills me, i've always hated being dependent, i hate asking for help. I'm sure most hikki's feel the same

>Most of the time I feel like I would be alright living alone, but sometimes the thought of never being loved makes me want to curl up in a corner somewhere and die.

I'm the exact same way. It usually never even occurs to me to date but sometimes it hits all at once, usually when i see a cutie and start daydreaming about him. Even worse, since /r9k/ became /r9gay/ i'll sometimes post in those threads and start talking to someone, gets to the point of exchanging actual contact info and it hits me that i couldn't date even if i wanted to. I live in a garage and have no money. It wouldn't even be fair to ask somebody to take part in that if i healthy in any way shape of form.

>>1187

> Even worse, since /r9k/ became /r9gay/ i'll sometimes post in those threads and start talking to someone, gets to the point of exchanging actual contact info

Wait so anons on 4chan /r9k/ are actually exchanging actual contact info?? that's not safe at all.

>>1188

they usually ask for kik or discord or something, it's not like phone numbers i don't think

>>1185

You're not alone anon. I'm five years your senior and I can tell you right now it won't get any easier. The worst part is when you think you have a grasp on yourself and your emotions only to be hit by that huge wave of loneliness all at once and have it all come rushing back. It gets to the point that you constantly avoid anything that might make you remember the things you once hoped for just in case it brings up those old feelings all over again.

>>1189

I thought the whole point of imageboards was to be anonymous??.

>>1191

/soc/ has been around for a while, anon

>>1187

>i'll sometimes post in those threads and start talking to someone, gets to the point of exchanging actual contact info

That's much farther than I get. I don't really try to meet people online, maybe I aught to try it someday, if I ever get my life together. Unfortunately, I've never had a girlfriend, and I haven't even been remotely close to dating anyone in at least 8 years. So I have absolutely no experience to work with in regards to pursuing a romantic relationship.

>>1190

I believe you. Even now, I have managed to repress a significant amount of my memories. I hardly remember my childhood at all, save for a few memories, and a vague timeline of events. Even still, painful revelations about myself manage to emerge from time to time, throwing me into a deep pit of despair.

>>1191

Originally they were. Of course with normalfags flooding 4chan the way they have, it's not surprising that it has become a more social, facebook-like website. Also, that cuck-faggot Moot didn't help matters back when he created /soc/ some years ago, which regardless of the intention behind the board's creation, acted as a welcome mat for normalfags.

>>1192

>/soc/

The worst board on half chan ever.

>>1193

Didn't Moot create /soc/ to give normalfags their own containment board?? if that was the reason yeah it obviously didn't work which is why i can't stand half chan these days.

>>1193

>That's much farther than I get. I don't really try to meet people online

well it's different when it's some fag wanting me to meet up and choke them, it's not even a relationship really

>I hardly remember my childhood at all, save for a few memories, and a vague timeline of events

>painful revelations about myself manage to emerge from time to time

same

>>1196

> it both pisses me off and makes me sad that they are not even acknowledging my way of life and realizing that there is a problem

>what they don't realize is that simply finding a job doesn't solve your problems

This is it right here, this is the problem. We don't have people who actually care even slightly. They're willing to let us live but it's like a pet they get board with and then kick it down the road.

>i too am very afraid of asking for help because of social anxiety

About a year ago my uncle was making me to learn how to drive. I just can't do it, it's dangerous. I couldn't get the words out to explain this. What i did do is just say that i can't, and with everything i had i told him i needed help, he asked what kind of help, i said a psychiatrist. He made me go to this counselor because he assumed i couldn't drive and have been a hikki shut-in for years because i was sad about my dad dying a months prier to this. I later occurred to me that there's no explaining this. They don't even register it as a problem.

I'm sure you have also written suicide notes or speeches trying to explain all this, but even if they read those things, i don't think they would get it. Even if you spelled it out in the most accurate articulate way possible, or worse, they just wouldn't care.

>>1197

>well it's different when it's some fag wanting me to meet up and choke them, it's not even a relationship really

I have online friends as most hikkis do but i don't have any real life friends and i don't think any of us on here even have the courage to meet someone from online face to face anyway since we don't go outside anyway.

>>1198

>I have online friends as most hikkis do

i actually don't, i just like like messing with the people in the threads and imagining, it's basically just RPing i guess

sounds a lot more pathetic now that i think/write about it

>>1199

>i actually don't, i just like like messing with the people in the threads and imagining, it's basically just RPing i guess

Hey anon you're not the only one who has lied about their life online i have done it myself it's just another form of escapism i guess thank god we don't have to lie here because we can all relate to one another and were all shut in away from society to be honest /hikki/ has helped me vent out my frustrations with being a hikikomori.

>>1458

>>had the "became a dad" dream again last night

>these are the worst feels, my day is ruined

I know that feel bro i have these dreams too from time to time.

>>1459

today i had a dream in which i was fucking my underage stepsister

feels bad man

>>1462

That sounds like a fun virtual reality

I don't know what the fuck has gotten into me. I've been awake for nearly 50 hours at this point, and for the past month I've been sleeping so poorly. Like 40-60 minute chunks before I wake up.

My right hand hurts so bad. I've been jerking off so fucking much. I'm in such pain that I can't even hold my DS anymore. Now when I jerk off I just use my left, and it takes like an hour for me to cum because everything is so insensitive.

It's not even fun anymore. I just get into these manic states where I convince myself I need to masturbate to a certain anime character for some silly reason. Like, "I need to jack off to her because she is the most attractive character to date and the greatest character ever." And then I usually finish, clean my hands and then flop down onto my bed lie awake for hours until I get horny again.

>>1466

>My right hand hurts so bad. I've been jerking off so fucking much. I'm in such pain that I can't even hold my DS anymore. Now when I jerk off I just use my left,

Could you have arthritis??.

>>1467

Probably. It's hurt ever since my youth when I played on my gameboy and playstation a lot. But usually I'm fine if I don't use my right hand too much. Now It hurts constantly even though I only use it to type.

>>1468

Could be carpal tunnel syndrome too??.

>>1462

That reminds me of something similar that happened to me.

>having a dream about walking around in some neighborhood

>feel something strange

>look to my right and see that my arm is caught in a thornbush

>begin to feel intense sharp pains in my arm

>the thorns are causing me real pain

>wake up

>look to my right

>my cat is clawing my arm

I got pissed and scared him off. The whole thing is actually pretty funny when I think back on it.

>>1466

>It's not even fun anymore. I just get into these manic states where I convince myself I need to masturbate to a certain anime character for some silly reason.

I mostly know that feel. I've fallen into a sort of routine where I feel like I need to masturbate each night before bed otherwise I will have trouble sleeping. In truth, it's all in my head, I don't actually need to fap to sleep, and I've slept fine without fapping plenty of times before. Unfortunately though, I'm a porn-addict and since I often feel like my life is going nowhere anyway, I rarely feel the motivation to try to fix myself.

>>1470

>I'm a porn-addict

Same

>My cat is clawing my arm

Have any hikkis here ever thought about having a pet to escape the feeling of loneliness??.

>>1471

Disregarding the massive list of responsibilities that comes with owning a pet that we almost certainly cannot fulfill as hikikomori, I don't think an animal can give you what you need when it comes to real loneliness.

You might get a sense of camaraderie from owning something like a dog that will act loyal and give absolutely no fucks for whatever issues you have. But beyond that it won't really accept or understand you for who you are beyond a familiar face attached to the hand that feeds it. If that sounds appealing enough and you think you'd be able to fulfill the requirements that come with owning a pet, including going out to take it to a vet when it gets sick, then maybe it really would be enough to help fill the void of loneliness for some hikki's.

Really weighing up wether or not you can be responsible for a life is important though, otherwise if you go into for purely selfish motives and end up neglecting it or treating it like shit then you're basically doing to the pet what many others did to hikki's in the first place.

>>1472

> if you go into for purely selfish motives and end up neglecting it or treating it like shit then you're basically doing to the pet what many others did to hikki's in the first place.

This is so true.

>>1461

>>1463

I'm 6'4 and I experience this too, also for the longest time I've always thought everyone looked so much older than me, even if they're now younger than me. Or rather because I avoid looking at myself as much as humanly possible, everyone else seems to look as they did when I was a child. Anyone else experience this?

>>1491

I get that too. I end up feeling inferior because of my situation, so everyone else seems older and more mature, even when they aren't. What's even worse for me is when I go to a family gathering, and I get stuck playing games with the kids while all the other adults talk and laugh in the next room. I try to make the best of it and act like it doesn't bother me, but on the inside I feel like dying.

>>1495

I never thought about how isolating it could still feel when your family doesn't outright ignore your existence, sort of like feeling all alone in crowded room, that's rough anon. I haven't been around family besides my mom in years and in a way I think this is preferable.

>>1498

Yeah, it can be pretty demoralizing. Usually we go to my sister's house for those kinds of things, which is even more uncomfortable since I'm convinced my sister doesn't like me. Luckily, I didn't have to go for Halloween this year, so I just got to relax in my room instead.

>>1500

I know that feel, anon. If it weren't for my facial hair, I would still look like a teenager as well. But of course it doesn't really matter, because whether I look like an adult or not, I still live like a child.

>>1518

>Yeah, it can be pretty demoralizing. Usually we go to my sister's house for those kinds of things, which is even more uncomfortable since I'm convinced my sister doesn't like me. Luckily, I didn't have to go for Halloween this year, so I just got to relax in my room instead.

I know that feel anon i hate being forced to go to family events or holiday events as well.

>>1500

I feel you, anon.

The last year that I actually felt is 2007. If you asked me what year it was, I'd automatically say 2007, stop myself, think, then correct myself.

That was the year I entered highschool. Last really big change in my lifestyle.

Ever since then, I haven't really had any dreams or aspirations and it hasn't felt like anything has happened since then. One day is just like the next.

>>1527

>The last year that I actually felt is 2007. If you asked me what year it was, I'd automatically say 2007, stop myself, think, then correct myself.

I have this problem as well.

>>1575

> I honestly thought college would change me, at least a bit. It didn't, and I gave up my job search, feeling like a complete failure. For the past 2 years now I've been sitting in my room, depressed and alone. I don't like this world.

I know how you feel anon.

>>1586

>>probably just going to go see a movie and kill some time that way

>>continue to lie about it afterward and hide like i normally do

I do this too

>>1579

my stepfather took me to show me beggars to show me how i was going to end as a neet

>>1610

Sorry to hear that, anon. We all know where this life leads, he didn't need to rub it in.

>>1616

This

>>1637

You made it much further than I ever did. I wouldn't even run away, I would think about it, but just end up curling up on my bed feeling miserable. I think I never actually ran because my brother had tried to run away a few times and always came back, so I figured "what's the point?" Aside from that, I never knew where to go anyway, and I usually don't do things without some sort of plan.

>>1637

I only did it once, and like you i ran home immediately after calming down a bit. That was like the first time i realized that my family didn't give a shit about me. I was in middle school and did it to act out, was gone for hours and nobody gave a shit. I barricaded my door that night and when i woke up my dad was kicking in the door telling me to get my ass up for school. Still boggles my mind how nobody in my life, even now, recognizes there's a problem. Nothing makes me feel more alone than when i think about this.

Acting out does nothing when nobody cares.

>>1666

>>1666

> like you i ran home immediately after calming down a bit. That was like the first time i realized that my family didn't give a shit about me.

Same here anon.

>Still boggles my mind how nobody in my life, even now, recognizes there's a problem. Nothing makes me feel more alone than when i think about this.

I know how you feel anon.

>>1636

>>1637

>>1647

I've been trying to run away my whole life,

but there is no where to run to.

We are locked inside a Lunatic Asylum with

a life sentence. Where ever you go it's all

the same. I'm happy when I'm asleep but

I always wake up. Someday I'll perfect the

skill of staying asleep, finally freedom.

>>1680

My story is about the world and billions of

people, this is the lunatic asylum I speak of.

I've been everywhere that's worth going to.

And I've done everything that's worth doing;

we don't see this until we are out of time.

……

I watch people in the world

Throw away their lives lusting after things,

Never able to satisfy their desires,

Falling into deeper despair

And torturing themselves.

Even if they get what they want

How long will they be able to enjoy it?

For one heavenly pleasure

They suffer ten torments of hell,

Binding themselves more firmly to the grindstone.

Such people are like monkeys

Frantically grasping for the moon in the water

And then falling into a whirlpool.

How endlessly those caught up in the floating world suffer.

Despite myself, I fret over them all night

And cannot staunch my flow of tears.

From Dewdrops on a Lotus Leaf: Zen Poems of Ryokan

>>1680

This is true. Being a hikikomori at least allows for some sense of control over one's own life. Being in a psych-ward means having every single aspect of your life controlled directly by doctors and nurses. Being a hikikomori is far more comfortable.

>>1717

assuming you like freedom

>>1717

I wasn't talking about a 'psych-ward'.

I used the analogy of the 'Whole World'

being like a Lunatic Asylum to explain

the way it is for the most part.

Ernest Becker, and Sheldon Solomon: the denial of death, death denial psychology.

What is the essence of humanity?

"It is our knowledge that we have to die

that makes us human…"

Your control is illusory in that it is temporary.

…

"Facing death brings us back to life. The shock

encourages us to reflect. Calmness must not be

lost. The perception of things must change.

Nothing lasts forever."

~I Ching

>>1758

>I wasn't talking about a 'psych-ward'.

>I used the analogy of the 'Whole World'

>being like a Lunatic Asylum to explain

>the way it is for the most part.

My mistake, anon. Carry on.

>>1760

That's okay just clarifying my point is all.

The big picture, macrocosm, the whole planet of so-called

normies you know?

Let's have a dialog it will be fun sharing viewpoints.

Talk about whatever you want, I'm not in a hurry.

If you listen to a youtube or two of Sheldon Solomon.

He is a simple blunt kind of guy, he's just like us but

with a PhD. He explains in short order why the world

is so fucked up. I just wanted to share this with you

because it's really important. Once you have this you

will relax that's how important this is. Because every-

thing in this crazy world hinges on this concept.

Take care

>family thinks i'm starting a job soon

I have no fucking idea what to do now. I hear when you're homeless the best thing to do is have a gym membership to shower and stuff, right? That makes sense. Find an abandoned building to sleep in, steal wifi. I want to kick myself out before they do. I couldn't handle that. My uncle has been nothing but kind to me and that confrontation would surly kill me. I don't want to put him in that position. So tired of people being disappointed and mad at me.

>>1830

I don't think there's any way around it other than getting committed and living on NEET bucks but i'm too prideful and anxious to ever go through with that kind of stuff. Being around doctors and bureaucrats is the worst. I think about going into the forest and living a primitive life but i like the internet too much for that. Though i could, i have enough knowledge and common sense to survive by myself in the wild.

>>1831

> group homes for crazies

yeah that sounds awful

>a life without constant wifi and air conditioning? Christ.

See, i think as long as you present well you can just hop in-between coffee shops and libraries throughout the day. Gyms are air conditioned too and you need a membership to stay presentable.

>>1833

how did you end up in a group home, anon?

>>1836

>how did you end up in a group home, anon?

Back in 2014 i got in a fight with my sister and my parents kicked me out of the house because of that and they didn't like me sitting in my room 24/7 doing nothing i was put in a psych ward and had to live with a bunch of normies inside the hospital for 3 months. The other patients there were very disrespectful towards me they would beat on me make fun of me for still being a virgin and liking cartoons still as an adult. Hell this one time i was watching South Park and one of the other patients came in changed the channel and then ran off. I really didn't have a choice in the end it was move to a group home or stay in the hospital for the rest of your life those are the options they gave me.

>>1840

>they would beat on me make fun of me for still being a virgin

See, if someone did that shit to me i don't know if i could stop myself from killing them. I dealt with that kind of bullying my entire childhood and if i was at rock bottom in a psych ward i would probably just beat that person to death unless i was completely out of it on drugs.

>it was move to a group home or stay in the hospital for the rest of your life

how did they come to that conclusion? are you in burgerland?

>>1845

>See, if someone did that shit to me i don't know if i could stop myself from killing them.

I once threw a chair at this degenerate nigger while i was still in the hospital because he was making fun of me for still being a virgin he always bragged to me about cheating on his wife.

>How did they come to that conclusion?

i'm not sure?? but what i do remember is that while i was there i was forced to take a medication called depakote which is a mood altering medication and i was taking that at the same time as being on topamax and taking those two medications at the same time i lost a lot of weight i dropped from 135 to 103 and was throwing up a lot more than usual. My time spent in the hospital wasn't completely bad some of the staff there felt sorry for me so they would let me relax in this one room that was in the back at night and i would have a pillow a blanket and just fall asleep with the tv on they sometimes would go buy fast food for me without the other hospital employees knowing and while i was in the hospital that was when i saw the anime Attack On Titan for the first time. I was on depakote until mid 2015 now my body pretty much is somewhat back to normal and my weight is okay now i went from 103 to 121 in the last 3 to 2 years.

>Are you in burgerland?

Yes

>>1846

>I once threw a chair at this degenerate nigger

good

>i'm not sure??

Really? Seems strange that they would be doing an involuntary thing like this without significant cause but then again i don't put anything passed these people.

>my body pretty much is somewhat back to normal

good to hear

>>1847

>Really? Seems strange that they would be doing an involuntary thing like this without significant cause

That is actually what i thought.

>>1846

>I once threw a chair at this degenerate nigger while i was still in the hospital because he was making fun of me for still being a virgin he always bragged to me about cheating on his wife.

Good to hear. I hope you caused him some pain.

>My time spent in the hospital wasn't completely bad some of the staff there felt sorry for me so they would let me relax in this one room that was in the back at night and i would have a pillow a blanket and just fall asleep with the tv on they sometimes would go buy fast food for me without the other hospital employees knowing

Glad to hear that at least some of them were nice to you. I've never been admitted to a hospital for anything, but whenever I think of it, my mind immediately goes to the movie One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest where all the doctors/nurses are corrupt and eventually lobotomize the patients. I'm glad you made it out alright though.

>>1853

>I've never been admitted to a hospital for anything, but whenever I think of it, my mind immediately goes to the movie One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest where all the doctors/nurses are corrupt and eventually lobotomize the patients.

I think of that movie that came out earlier this year called A Cure For Wellness.

>im glad you made it out alright though

Thanks anon.

>>1491

you can watch others grow old but you cannot see yourself age like they do.

>>2002

Every ending is a new beginning, once a problem is solved don't look back. You don't need those people, they were not your friends. If they were they would still love just the same, because they would know who you really are. A true friend won't hurt you like that, and stick by your side through thick and thin. Sometimes you have to leave mean evil people behind and change completely, and it's perfectly natural to do so.

Begin again, find a new interest and do what you want, not what others expect and want you to do. It has to be really important to you. Small steps, a little bit everyday, until before you know it the new you has a big smile and new friends again. "Hint Hint", you will find a lot of people right here that care about you, and want to hear what you have to say.

take care friend

>>2006

>Begin again, find a new interest and do what you want, not what others expect and want you to do. It has to be really important to you. Small steps, a little bit everyday, until before you know it the new you has a big smile and new friends again. "Hint Hint", you will find a lot of people right here that care about you, and want to hear what you have to say.

>take care friend

I like your advice anon also i do have online friends but no irl friends and i think this is the case with most hikkis tbh

>>2009

I don't have online friends, unless you count the people here on /hikki/. I'm not sure it really counts though, since we don't know each others names, and I think that's one of the prerequisites for considering someone as a friend.

>>2164

>I tried to live the dream of going indawoods and becoming that cool hermit outdoorsman we all fantasize about. It was stupid and did nothing but cause problems for me and create a whole new net of things to have nightmares about

I'm sorry to hear that, anon. I wouldn't recommend suicide just yet. Try to see if you can find a way to work from home. Maybe you have a talent for programming or art? If not, try to look into skills you could work on from home and once you feel like you're ready, try to find a way to use those skills to make money. If all else fails, see if you can collect disability money.

>>2166

>I don't have online friends, unless you count the people here on /hikki/. I'm not sure it really counts though, since we don't know each others names, and I think that's one of the prerequisites for considering someone as a friend.

True

>I wouldn't recommend suicide just yet. Try to see if you can find a way to work from home. Maybe you have a talent for programming or art? If not, try to look into skills you could work on from home and once you feel like you're ready, try to find a way to use those skills to make money. If all else fails, see if you can collect disability money.

This is some pretty good advice.

>>1471

especially hearing their agonizing screams while you use them as personal torture toys. i'm thinking of adopting another cat tommorow. Here's hoping this one lasts longer than the last one.

lack of sex, I've been doing nofap for 4 months now and every day my desire for the real thing grows, but I know it most likely will never happen to me, it's something I want to experience at least once

>>3015

I know how you feel anon i too am trying to do nofap.

>>3015

I find it highly unlikely that I will ever have a girlfriend or wife in my lifetime, so I don't bother with nofap. Instead, I'm trying to fap less often. I think if I can limit myself to 1-2 times per week, I will feel much better. Any more than that, and I feel like I would be depriving myself of something I enjoy for no real reason.

>>3023

>I find it highly unlikely that I will ever have a girlfriend or wife in my lifetime

yes, so do I, but I want to try before giving up

>>3015

>>3023

>>3026

Well VR is the future us hikkis will now be able to get laid through virtual reality porn.

>>3035

Yeah, it's really the only thing I use my Vive for.

Pretty amazing experience though. VR Kanojo, especially. Might be exactly what's needed to revive the Japanese eroge market.

Can't wait until there's some kind of feeling simulator for VR.

>>3026

Good luck anon, just remember that 3D women aren't important while you try, that way they can't hurt you.

>>3026

I used to be of a like mind. Unfortunately, I came to realize that it simply won't happen for me. Not only do I never go outside, but even if I eventually do get a job, I will still avoid people as much as possible. Aside from that, every time I see modern women on the internet or anywhere else, I lose a little more hope. They're selfish, deceitful, vain, and ignorant. They care more about browsing facebook, becoming camwhore e-celebs, and posting shit on twitter/instagram/snapchat, than they do about becoming wives or mothers. Worse still, the few women out there who are actually well adjusted and decent are either already taken or simply out of my reach. So at this point I've given up, and will instead strive to make my hikki lifestyle as comfy and fulfilling as possible.

Don't let my situation and personal view on the matter discourage you though. I really do wish you the best of luck in your efforts to find a good woman and settle down. Just be careful not to fall for the wrong person, or you may end up more miserable than when you started.

>>3044

>Yeah, it's really the only thing I use my Vive for.

>Pretty amazing experience though. VR Kanojo, especially. Might be exactly what's needed to revive the Japanese eroge market.

>Can't wait until there's some kind of feeling simulator for VR.

I can't wait until VR becomes like that new movie that's coming out called Ready Player One where you can actually physically be in the simulation.

>>3045

yes, my hopes are not high at all, I don't have the guts to approach girls period, and keep to myself, and I don't think things will change once I start working (going to have to at some point), and yes, I don't have high hopes for women either, because of the things you mentioned, but at the same time I look at myself and I am not a high worth man either so… all the same I try to be hopeful, if only because it makes me want to break out of the hikki life because I am not happy at all but at the same time I doubt I would be happy living a "normal" life, truly seems like there's no way for me to achieve happiness

>>3055

Man, if that ever came out I'd be dead in a week because I'd never leave the simulation.

Then again, dying in ecstasy doesn't sound that bad.

>>3073

>Man, if that ever came out I'd be dead in a week because I'd never leave the simulation.

Same here.

>>3082

> it will probably be more like the movie Gamer where people addicted to the simulation will have to wagecuck within the simulation to pay for its use

Maybe but people will probably find ways around that hackers and pirates are very smart people.

>>3065

>all the same I try to be hopeful, if only because it makes me want to break out of the hikki life because I am not happy at all

I know what you mean. I used to be miserable sitting here in my room, alone, thinking of all the people I used to know who moved on in their lives. However, over the past few months that I have spent here on /hikki/, I have come to realize just how much I truly enjoy and value my solitude. Of course, I understand that some of us also wish to reintegrate into society and try to build relationships and families. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best.

>truly seems like there's no way for me to achieve happiness

Like I said before, since I started browsing /hikki/ I have discovered how much joy I get from being alone. This is because the good people here on /hikki/, whether they meant to or not, have taught me a priceless lesson: Happiness comes from within.

It all must begin with you. Outside forces cannot make you truly happy, they can only dull or amplify what you already feel. So if you are unhappy, a girlfriend or wife cannot fix it, only make it seem less painful. It's like how the normalfags say "you can't love someone else until you love yourself." It's almost true in a way. You can't be happy with others until you find a sense of peace and joy within yourself. Simply put, make sure that whatever you do in your search for happiness, you do for yourself first. It seems a bit selfish, I know, but once you learn to be happy with yourself, you will be better able to make others happy, as your actions will become truly genuine.

Good luck, anon, I hope you find your happiness.

>>3103

Very well said, it's in you, the power to create love. The only goals in life are: learning to love other people and acquiring knowledge. There is only one law in the universe, that all things change, and that all things are impermanent. While the bitter sea swirls around us we endure. We try to keep our heads above water, that is all. Remember the example of an old cow, she's content to sleep in a barn. You have to eat, sleep, and shit, that's unavoidable, beyond that is none of your business. What is true; the only Koan there is ?

>>3116

>While the bitter sea swirls around us we endure. We try to keep our heads above water, that is all.

That is very true. Life is never truly predictable, and nothing in life is certain. If we are unable to endure and adapt to the changes around us, we die. That is the fist and most fundamental lesson we learn in this life.

>>3143

>i do have my moments where i get depressed lonely and feel like a failure

I think all of us do from time to time, but I've come to realize that I'm far happier alone than I would ever be living like a normalfag, who lives for nothing but work, parties, sex, and social media.

>>3167

> I've come to realize that I'm far happier alone than I would ever be living like a normalfag

Sane here.

>>3167

What if there was a third option? Not complete loneliness and isolation, but also not the things you described. This is what I will try to find I think, but I do not know if it exists.

I'm a loser with no skill that can generate money. The only thing I can see myself doing to make money is some kind of remote programming but I procrastinate so much that it likely won't ever happen. And I don't really have the interest to seriously try to work myself out of my current state. Eventually I'll either get a brain-dead low wage job, or get on disability and be bound to the government. Both suck.

I'd kill myself but I'm terrified of non-existence.

>>3288

>I'd kill myself but I'm terrified of non-existence.

I know how you feel especially when we have no fucking clue what comes after death.

Ive had a lot of dreams in my life but honestly I know none of them will ever happen, I knew that even before becoming hikki. Not sure I feel too bad about it I think, im kind of scared of being happy, Im so used to being depressed that Im not sure it would even be me if I were happy.

>>3289

Compost comes next, 'after life' is imaginary, it's death denial. Dead is dead, all there is is life and nobody owns it. Life is the gift do you understand? Humans have made it almost unbearable because of their stupid money game. But if you can see past all of the bullshit you can still have moments of inspiration and happiness.

>>3289

Meh, death doesn't scare that much. If there is an afterlife then I'll worry about that when I'm there and if there isn't then well, I wouldn't have the capacity to care being dead and all.

>>3280

Sorry if I gave the impression that there's only a binary choice between complete isolation or normalfaggotry. There is a great spectrum of possible life-styles to go by, I just found that I personally prefer to be alone. I hope you find a life that makes you happy and fulfilled, anon. One piece of advice I would like to offer, be careful who you open up to when you meet new people. Most people will cringe and recoil when faced with ideas that are not status-quo, you could quickly find yourself ostracized and back to the hikki-life if you aren't careful. Good luck, anon.

>>3288

>>3289

>>3311

Personally, I have always been more afraid of the idea that there is an afterlife, and that some deity from another realm of existance will judge us based off his own personal criteria. The thought that death is simply a passage into eternal nothingness sounds rather peaceful to me.

>>3309

>im kind of scared of being happy, Im so used to being depressed that Im not sure it would even be me if I were happy.

I know exactly how you feel. Even when I'm at my best, it's likely more appropriate to say that I am content, rather than truly happy. Also, I smile so rarely that when I do see my own smile in the mirror, it looks strange and alien to me.

>>3289

>>3288

/the better life you imagine/ comes when you die.

>>3315

My point is that your fear of the imaginary (fairytales) is making you unhappy. Forget about all of the stories you were taught as a child most are fear based superstition. The physical sciences are helpful because you have a physical body that can be hurt. The only thing that can hurt your mind is a negative belief, any belief really, because it prevents you from a direct interface with reality.

>>596

>little to no help for western hikkis

This really really pisses me off… nobody gives a shit about us. There's help for everyone else but we're just ignored. And we're expected to care about society? Supposed to do all the work required to become a functioning (and by that I mean a work drone that no one likes, which is most likely what a hikki that is "functioning" would be) just so we can pay back into the system that did not help us when we needed it?

>>3332

>nobody gives a shit about us. There's help for everyone else but we're just ignored. And we're expected to care about society? Supposed to do all the work required to become a functioning (and by that I mean a work drone that no one likes, which is most likely what a hikki that is "functioning" would be) just so we can pay back into the system that did not help us when we needed it?

Exactly it really makes me sad that social withdrawal isn't understood very well in the west tbh.

Isolation, loneliness, friendless

>Why are you unhappy /hikki/??.

life is meaningless

the things I used to enjoy have lost their appeal

world is going into a direction I do not like at all

>>4118

>>4119

> But now you can't go an hour in real life without being fed someone's political opinion.

Society overall is just getting worse and worse and worse tbh and exactly families are even divided now because of all this political bullshit.

>>4102

>tired

oh man, the tiresomeness is killing me. I was always the type of guy that people were asking if I even slept but over the past few years it really went too bad. Today you could easily mistake me for a cannabis addict when you look at my mental capabilities. I struggle to get up even after 12 hours of sleep. I feel like a zombie throughout the day.

I am sad that you have the same problems as I do though. At least here we can connect with likeminded people and not feel like complete loners.

>>4134

> I feel like a zombie throughout the day.

Same here to be honest.

>I am sad that you have the same problems as I do though. At least here we can connect with likeminded people and not feel like complete loners.

Very true.

>>4710

> the only thing I do want is someone to talk to occasionally when the loneliness creeps in but I'd soon run out of topics to discuss

You will always have us anon us hikkis have to stick together.

>>4711

If the worst were to happen and Jim shut down the site where would we go now that hikkichan is gone?

>>4713

Seems to me that wizchan went downhill a while ago I won't go there anymore I'm 90% sure all of the posts are roleplayers

>>4710

>theres nothing I want

I understand this all too well. I suppose in a way I'm just content with the world as is, I probably wouldn't feel much different if most of the people in the world just disappeared completely.

>>4710

>>4715

Recently, I was thinking about what I would do if I ever won the lottery, and what kind of things I would buy. To my surprise, the list was very short:

>a place of my own

>a new PC

>a drawing tablet

>a new desk and chair

>some new clothes (mine are getting a bit ragged now)

I realized that with the exception of a place of my own, all of these things aren't too hard to come by. Unfortunately, it means I would have to put up with several months of wageslaving to get them, but after that I would be set for years, theoretically.

>>4716

What else do people actually buy though? I'll never understand how people can barely "survive" with a full time job

>>4717

It's the normalfags. They waste their money on countless frivolities, luxury cars, houses with more rooms than anyone really needs, massive televisions, the latest phones, a new outfit for every day of the week, dozens of pairs of shoes, a plethora of the latest electronics that they don't know how to use, the list goes on. And of course once they've bought up all of those things, they blow the rest on drugs and alcohol for parties where they invite all of their "friends," by which I mean people they occasionally socialize with who don't actually care about them and vice versa.

>>419

I squandered all the opportunities i was given in this life.

>last week lawyer emails me and uncle saying she wants to talk to us

>no idea what its about since uncle isn't involved with lawsuit

>come today get ambushed with intervention type thing and have my spaghetti spilled

Apparently she thought it was a good idea to spring the idea of going to a psychiatrist on me in front of my uncle. See, i gave her my discharge papers from the army that said i was self harming and super depressed and anxious. That's why i was discharged from the army. But my uncle didn't know that. I told my family that i had injured my knees which isn't a lie. My knees are shit and i hurt them pretty badly doing all that high impact training. So now she's going to give us names to look up and see, even offering to front the money. I have no excuses and i can't pretend like all is well in front of my uncle anymore. Im not even all that depressed right now, i'm just a schizoid who wants nothing to do with other people. My problems right now stem from being forced to wagecuck and deal with this kind of shit.

>>4759

Damn that sucks anon hope everything works out eventually.

>>4759

Sounds awful, but maybe if you're able to weather through, it may mean you could get neetbucks, save for a place of your own, and be free of wagecuckery or people bothering you.

>>4768

yeah i'm thinking of just going all in on this if the person is actually willing to listen, i'm sure they'll dump pills on me and all sorts of shit the second i start talking

>>4769

for the sake of neetbucks obviously i realize they cant help me

>>4769

Dumping pills is the backbone of psychiatry, I cant tell you what to do but I personally wouldn't take them.

>>5765

>I can't take it anymore i'm sick of life

We all are

> don't get pleasure out of doing anything anymore everyday is the same

Anhedonia kicked in and I have no idea how to solve it, I personally force myself to sit and do one thing at a time, but I'm still a dead corpse nonetheless.

>all i do is sleep 13 hours a day wake up eat nothing but starch crap and browse the internet

A typical day of mine. but I sleep for over twenty hours these days since I've nothing to wake up for, nor I have any motivation to change myself (no I'm not just a lazy douchebag who don't want to change his ways.)

>I'm tired of seeing my siblings and other family members being more successful than me and i'm tired of just overall living because i know deep down i will never be able to function in society anyway.

I'm sick of seeing them functioning well into the creepy world, while I'm siting in my room starting at the ceiling, I cry alot too not because I've missed the (life bus) but because I'm sick of everything. I can't sit and watch of anime that I like, unless, I'm forcing my self but even then I can't continue it. so as a result I go to my bed lay down on it and fall asleep.

> what's the point? i'm done i've had enough..

Life is a meaningless struggle BO and only normals are able to be the best players, while we're the weakest of the weak hiding in our caves like rats, because we're too afraid of walking among the normal players, they may eat us alive, so our automatic action is to hide and wait til the madness and retardation ends.

So your best option (aside from suicide because you still have people who care about you don't hurt them wait until they die first.

Yeah I know they're the reason we're now and we should hate them. still can't put them in such a desperate situation, they will have to deal with alot of shit right after they discover your corps.

So try to fing something that will help you

I may sound like a normalfag at this part in particular, but believe me my hobby is the only thing that keeps me alive. (I.e I aimed to be fluent in English one year ago and now I'm advanced level) you can do the same, pick up a language and start learning it instead of browsing the weird study it everyday, It'll be a torture at the beginning, but once you reach the upper intermediate level you ill be able explore new cultures, watch unpopular TV shows in their native language and give it a try If it didn't work out for you, try another thing there are alot of hobbies that you can master them

Don't give up without a fight. I'm not encouraging you to leave, that's your right you can decide whether you truly want to leave or not. but I just wanted you to believe that anti depression pills, especially wellbutrin and practising English kept me alive for years.

Btw, if you're being forced to work a deadend job and be a wageslave. remember your life in in your hand once it gets unbearable enough click the button

>>5769

>I'm sick of seeing them functioning well into the creepy world, while I'm siting in my room starting at the ceiling

I know this feel all too well. For them it seems like everything is effortless and smooth sailing where they went from college to multiple job offers to getting to move around the country and travel the world regularly

>have been a NEET for like 5 years at this point

>just got out of mental ward

>spent almost 2 weeks there after hurting myself

>don't have a job or any prospects or getting one

>"have you decided to get your drivers license yet"

are you fucking kidding me

it's like they just can't/won't grasp that i'm fucked up

it's like they just assume that i'm just a lazy lovable douche who "lol just can't get his shit together haha"

like i'm some fucking sitcom character

or on the other hand i have family who just treats me like i'm retarded after this incident

as if i'm not even a real person and am just like this thing they're obligated to interact with sometimes

i hate this shit

i hate having to live with my family and i know all too well how awful being homeless is

All I have in my life are games. Right now my sole purpose in life is to get decent at playing R6S. Pretty fucking sad.

life is just hell I dunno how else to put it

>>5801

>life is just hell I dunno how else to put it

Very true.