/hikki/ -Edgy bullshit but it's true

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File: ad0c2cb4d682473⋯.jpg (76.66 KB,1032x800,129:100,tumblr_lyiukiQOIU1r32unvo1….jpg)

Edgy bullshit but it's true 引きこもり 07/01/19 (Mon) 04:00:10 f6ca75 No.7689

I wish I was a psychopath. Then I would feel no emotion. I wouldn't feel it when people look at me with contempt. I wouldn't feel it when everyone around me has a girlfriend and I'm still single. I wouldn't feel it when they look down on me as if I were a child that needed to be sheltered. I wouldn't feel it when my phone rings. I wouldn't feel it when it hits me and I realize how many years have passed since I've done anything of substance. I wouldn't care that I have no money. I wouldn't physically cringe at things I've done in the past 3x a day.

If I were a psychopath, I could probably get back into life and work my way up. I could be happy, but at the price of what? Chemical reactions? I think I'd like the idea of being happy, over actually feeling happy. Besides, it's much better than the almost constant numbing pain I get now. But this is just wishful thinking. In real life, I feel too much. I feel far too much.

I've tried to kill my emotions. Drug dependence ends up hurting you more in the long run. I wonder if there's a way to train your mind to feel no emotions. My mind is my own worst enemy.

____________________________

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引きこもり 07/08/19 (Mon) 01:58:03 196546 No.7704

I think I'm a sociopath. I don't feel nervous about talking to people. Its just I don't want to. I can't relate to any of them

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引きこもり 07/11/19 (Thu) 18:00:34 f6ca75 No.7717

>>7704

I always think I'm not gonna be nervous, but then my voice comes out shaky and I can't act the way I want. It's futile at this point. What, I'm going to suddenly change in my mid 20's? Nah, life is over for me. I've made far too big a mess to clean up

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引きこもり 07/13/19 (Sat) 08:55:14 56813b No.7719

>>7717

If former junkies and ex-cons can carve out a life there is always hope for us. As a fellow hikki I know I'm know I'm not one to talk but I have an optimistic bone in my body

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引きこもり 07/13/19 (Sat) 13:43:54 bdb111 No.7720

File: e878b953e48260a⋯.png (995.27 KB,765x1024,765:1024,da050ca44272169c900379a78b….png)

>>7717

The very fact that you believe that way fuels your inability. What you believe about yourself has a huge impact on what you can do.

Nothing is over, start small and build from there.

Im trying and it's hard but Iv seen progress in myself and at least I only have anxiety rather than depression and anxiety

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引きこもり 07/14/19 (Sun) 09:42:10 388d40 No.7724

I enjoy having emotions, even though they fuck me up pretty bad. Not sure that I would get rid of them if I could. It sure would be nice to get rid of the ones that I don't like having, though I can enjoy even emotions that are mostly negative sometimes, it just depends on the situation. If I couldn't feel sad, that would ruin a lot of scenes in a lot of things, and I can't say that I don't enjoy being angry sometimes, to the point that I just start laughing, because I'm so ridiculously enraged that it just becomes hilarious somehow. Fear is the only thing that I absolutely never enjoy. Even pain can be nice like the pain of being bullied by your waifu, though that's not very common, and it's not really an emotion if it's physical pain.

Drinking tends to get rid of everything that I don't like, to the point that I hurt myself sometimes because I feel too invincible for my own good, and move around a lot, but I don't feel pain that easily, so I only feel it later. It feels like it actually makes me considerably stronger, so I do things that my body can't handle that well. It's unfortunate that I can't do it all the time. It would be nice if the human body had an organ that just constantly made and released alcohol. And maybe more livers. I bet that would solve a lot of problems in the world. Even if it created new problems, I think everyone is just about sick of the same old problems, so it would be pretty refreshing, at least.

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引きこもり 08/03/19 (Sat) 13:40:46 64b357 No.7791

>>7724

I understand what you mean about drinking but I haven't drank in at least a year now because it just makes me so nauseous and dizzy that it's not even worth it. I hate that feeling of feeling like you have to throw up, or being dizzy. I finally gave up trying to get into alcohol because I just hate that feeling so much.

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