/hikki/ - Hikikomori

I hear ya OP i've been thinking about deleting all of my social media as well.

>>3123

Are you sure that the problem is with the concept of friends and not the specific people?

I've found that the majority of people is simply incapable of doing anything by themselves, let alone deal with any problems, which makes it impossible to be friends with them. (Not to mention the amount of people that are blatant dramawhores)

I don't think that's everyone though. At least I hope it's not.

maybe I've just been consistently lucky but out of the online friends I have none have been like you describe, we play games and leave it at that mostly, very rarely talk about their personal lives but not for long all my friends have been friends of friends though, haven't made friends with someone I met in a game for a very long time

I have similar feelings. Every relationship quickly feels like nothing but an obligation. I've never really tried to get online friends but the few times i've sorta had some i ended up resenting them. The most i get up to now is the occasional heart to heart on imageboards or something like jumping into a stream when i'm feeling confident and lucid. I actually talked to some guy for like 3 hours on a stream about politics and as soon as it started i kept thinking about how this feels inconvenient and i just want to leave and those feelings got worse as it went on but it was also fun and i didn't end up making up an excuse to leave.

>>3131

what kind of stream

>>3133

a google hangout

>>3127

It could just be certain people, certain people that feel more like an obligation you have to tend to rather than a friend.

>>3134

>a google hangout

I never liked those especially when there is a lot of people in the hangout to be honest.

>>3155

Not even exaggerating it took us 20 minutes to get it set up. It's a terrible service

>>3160

>it took us 20 minutes to get it set up. It's a terrible service

That sucks.

>>3157

>You could also do the healthy thing and move at your own pace,

This

>>3123

I know what you mean. The few times I have tried to have a casual conversation with someone in an online game, it turned out to be a mess. Half of the time, it would start out pretty chill for the first few minutes, just long enough for a friend add, then it would turn out that he was actually some 12 year old who instantly wanted to be best friends forever and would never leave me alone to the point where I would have to start over like you did. Now I never talk to people unless I absolutely have to, even then I keep it short, no more than 5 words at most. If it's any more than that, I ignore them.

>>3125

I fully recommend that you do. I got rid of my social media years ago and never looked back, it's a liberating feeling.

>>3157

>you have something really good op you just have to deal with it the right way

I respectfully disagree. People who give you their life story within the first week of meeting are almost never stable or have problems that cannot be fixed by strangers online. It may seem like a nice idea for OP to be his friend and try to help him, but it simply doesn't work that way. The only way that failing liver guy could get help is through someone he knows in real life, who knows and understands him and is better suited to lend aid. OP couldn't be that guy even if he wanted to be, because he would lack the necessary tools to help in any significant way.

>>3165

You could tie the guy with the liver to a tree until he's sober, but if you let him loose he would call the police, and make it worse than it already is.

I withdraw from any online group when it looks like I am developing personal relationships there. I have even given up on some image boards because things were getting a bit too cozy between the regulars.

Damm how do you even make friends anyway? I kinda can relate to your post OP although it has only happened twice in my life, one almost a decade ago when the 360 came out, I'd regularly play PGR4 and met a guy who was good at racing, added him and he told me a lot of stuff, personnal issues and all that. Nagged me all day to play with him until one day I set up a password for my Live profile and forgot it the next day, that account was lost forever. Second time was with someone on /r9k/, exchanged some emails and dude told me some fucked up and deeply personal shit. I felt for him but there was nothing I could do, nor I could think of anything to say, in the end it felt like an obligation and I had other issues at hand at the time so it took me a little more than a month to write up a visibly forced reply just for the sake of politeness. In a way I agree with >>3157, maybe not exactly rely on but someone that values you and can talk with, but at the same time im just too worn out and my interests too broad and thin to have deep conversations about anything. I want friends, but not naggy friends, just someone who likes to keep his distance as well and doesn't mind the silence when there's nothing to be said but is there in the form of your teammate. Sort of like a dog that can talk.

>>3223

>and doesn't mind the silence when there's nothing to be said

Too few people can do this now. Most people can't stand silence these days, normalfags especially. It annoys the hell out of me when things finally quiet down, but the other people in the room are so afraid of the silence that they are compelled to say something in an attempt to re-initiate conversation, or even make a random noise. My family will often do this and it drives me crazy. I'll know that I've found a true friend in life when we can enjoy each other's company without the need for constant chatter.

>>3127

>I've found that the majority of people is simply incapable of doing anything by themselves, let alone deal with any problems, which makes it impossible to be friends with them.

I've been getting that with people on the net, especially when it's with girls. Even with just a simple chat, they disappear the next day or the next week.

I just don't understand the part where people try to make friends but they don't want to do this or that because it's too much for them to handle or they don't want to deal with that because of stupid reasons like they might hurt their feelings or something. Seriously, the worse kind of thing you would do when you're already involved with someone is shutting them down by avoiding or most of all, trying hard to actually be a friend.

Someone did try to gift me CSGO but I went ahead and said no. I don't want you to gift me because I won't have the dedication to play that game. I mean, I do want that game but it's not like I want it very much. It's not like it's an important thing to have, you know? You just gotta have to go out of your way to say something before it hits the fan, otherwise running away from it won't do you any good.

>>3135

>It could just be certain people, certain people that feel more like an obligation you have to tend to rather than a friend.

I think in my opinion, you should not feel like you're obligated with anyone just because they're your friends. There has to be certain boundaries that need to be respected.

>>3223

>I want friends, but not naggy friends, just someone who likes to keep his distance as well and doesn't mind the silence when there's nothing to be said but is there in the form of your teammate.

Not just naggy friends but even people who even try hard being friends with you. Seriously, why even try? Why even bother to care when you don't actually care?

I don't mind gaming friends as long as we keep each other in arm's length. Personal life stuff only matters if the caring part is involves true and of course trust goes both ways with that.

—

Maybe I have too much insight about having friends and that I have bad experiences with it over the years. I have been turned away or not the one who everyone likes to be with but there are certain things that people do that I just can't let them run over me. Like I'm obligated to do something just because we're friends. I think there has to be some kind of respect before we're down the road to being okay with each about almost everything.

>>3221

>I withdraw from any online group when it looks like I am developing personal relationships there. I have even given up on some image boards because things were getting a bit too cozy between the regulars.

I'm usually not one to do this but i understand how you feel..

>>3828

> if i don't have one my parents go apeshit

why?

>>3832

>why?

Because they want me to stay in contact with my family.

I'm quite smug over the fact that I've never had a facebook account, nor a tumblr, instagram etc. I've successfully avoided most normie shit.

>>3836

>I'm quite smug over the fact that I've never had a facebook account, nor a tumblr, instagram etc. I've successfully avoided most normie shit.

How were you able to do this??.

>>3836

Same here. I pretty much live in my own world and couldn't care less what sites/apps the rest of the world is using at any given time. It helps that I don't have any friends my age or younger, am a full-fledged NEET, and don't have any normie family members pressuring me into the social media world like >>3834

I made a FB under an assumed name and then turned it off, so I can see them but they can't see me.

>>3123

I know what you mean, most "friends" are like that, almost like having a piece of bubblegum on the soles your shoes.

There are though some good, old friends though I really value a lot. That doens't mean that I'm going to spend every 2nd day with them either. Most of the time I check my phone just for the relaxing reassurement that no one wants something of me. There's nothing worse than the feeling that someone wants something of me today. It's like I can't lose myself in anything I put my mind because I always know that I either potentially have to get ready to go outside or at least the hassle of cancelling a meetup.

>>3836

same. I only use IRC and Mumble to communicate with anyone.

I've completely given up on the concept of friends at this point. I find people insufferable and I can't deal with their shit, online or offline. I tried the discord meme but it wasn't worth it and social media is horrible so I deleted all of my accounts there. I did have a friend online that I was in contact with for a longer time but I was tired of hearing of his own problems and it just felt like a massive drag that I had to deal with, so I just moved on. I also can't stand normalfags.

The few IRL and online friends I've had weren't the clingy type, just chill people I shared mutual interests with. We mostly played games, shared our creative progress or funny/interesting links with each other. Lost all of them after becoming a hikki as an adult and losing Internet access for a while. Tried to reconnect with them but it didn't work out.

After a long period of solitude I''d like to recreate that kind of relationship with someone, but I don't want it to become too personal so it feels clingy or too impersonal that it feels distant and we drift away from each other.

>>3157

I'll rely on you, anon, I have no literally no friends.

>>3247

>running away from it won't do you any good.

People also forget that other people don't automatically understand how they feel. If they don't say anything, people will assume the worst either about themselves or the person they were talking to. Boundaries can be set without hurting people, and it's easier to do by talking.

Though, not going outside in years is a pretty big boundary.

>For you.

A lot of ramen for a hired gun!

"friends" are just parasites leeching off of you. I don't have any friends at all, not even online but let me tell you that I had to remove a lot of parasites from my life who started out as friends but then just turned into a massive waste of time and energy, obsessed freaks who wanted to chain me and hated my free will and my wish for more space. They shame you and demand loyalty when you evolve and change but the truth is that you are not anybodys slave. It's better to be a lone individual than a braindead herd animal.

I always had a hikki and neet mentality but still had friends and even a gf back then, only after I started to work on myself it really developed further. I absolutely don't need friends or relationships anymore. It is fun to chat with fellow anons on imageboards or stuff about stuff you are interested in and stuff you like, but that's it. Here is a good post on loneliness from another board made by another anon:

>I don't know about all the rest, but loneliness is a symptom of some kind of lack and attachment. Think about it. It doesn't make sense to be "lonely". It's an absurd concept that presupposes people are not worthy on their own. "Loneliness" is the pathological need to be in anybody's company (not somebody, but anybody). Forget about enlightened beings. I'm a fucking degenerate and I only feel lonely when I need validation. And then I realize this and simply reassert my legitimacy. It's not that enlightened to be worthy. Besides, you are literally never, ever, alone.

This was a reply to a question as whether enlightened sages such as Lao Tzu or the Buddha ever felt lonely. I don't think any enlightened man or man of intelligence actually has any "friends" as we understand the term in this day and age. Beings you are friendly with and collegues/comrades you can share ideas with from time to time, help each other out once in a while and have a nice chat, thats a different story. "Friendship" is just an artificial concept created by modern idiots. NPCs giving each other validation and comfort, that's all.