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/hikki/ - Hikikomori

The modern hermit

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A WARNING TO ALL NEW USERS IF YOU ARE NOT A HIKIKOMORI I WILL BAN YOU!! People who are going to work or school are not Hikikomori There are many people on here who can not leave their home Please choose your topic with consideration IF YOU HAVEN'T BEEN AT HOME INSIDE YOUR ROOM FOR AT LEAST 6 MONTHS OR MORE THEN DON'T POST HERE!

File: 0702ce482e90683⋯.jpg (52.39 KB,200x300,2:3,m0sEUA4RVPz.jpg)

3d491b No.7548

I feel like I'm the biggest loser on the planet. In my life I met many shy people that had trouble socializing but no one was ever even close to being on my level. I may not be the person with the most social anxiety on the planet but it wouldn't surprise me if I was in the top 100. I'm so awkward I can't even interact with my mother or my other family members. suicide might be a pussy move when there's a chance that your life will get better, but when you're like me it's the only reasonable thing to do. I don't know what comes after this life but if there's an hell I'm not afraid of going there. I doubt it could be much more painful than my current existence. At least there only god would judge me. I wouldn't have to deal with my family's stares and their opinions about me. I wouldn't have to deal with the shame that is my existence.

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086aad No.7549

File: a06a0f2218e77be⋯.jpg (64.12 KB,850x400,17:8,aad4ce541a488910942d7cc80a….jpg)

>>7548

You're at least smart enough to grasp that things are bad and ought to be better. That alone puts you above a huge percentage of the population, although it's cold comfort without any way to homestead.

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31f705 No.7550

File: a2f43310727772a⋯.jpg (79.6 KB,728x1042,364:521,27.jpg)

>>7548

>In my life I met many shy people that had trouble socializing but no one was ever even close to being on my level.

Well, people like that are less likely to socialize than you.

>I may not be the person with the most social anxiety on the planet but it wouldn't surprise me if I was in the top 100.

Unlikely. You have posted here. There are people out there that wouldn't even be able to do that. We are just unlikely to see them, for obvious reasons. There is generally always someone worse, but that doesn't help anyone. Doesn't help you much. Then again, knowing that someone out there is in a worse situation could be comforting. I don't feel that at all, but at least knowing that I'm not the only one is a good thing.

>I wouldn't have to deal with my family's stares and their opinions about me.

Personally, I just hate my family. Before I realized that and fully accepted it as part of who I am, rather than something to deny, I couldn't interact with them either. That only became possible as a result of realizing everything that I dislike about them and how shitty my entire life actually was (telling other people on the internet about it confirmed that my life was definitely fucked up from a more normal perspective). You don't have to like them, and you don't have to care about what people that you don't like have to say. If they are wrong, or just don't understand what is wrong, then that's their fault for the most part. It may sound really stupid for a hikikomori to say this, but confidence is what saved me and what keeps me alive these days (or years). I have a solid identity because I have a vague understanding of who I am (and an even vaguer understanding of why I ended up this way) and what I want, and that comes from just doing things and thinking a lot, and doing things that make me think, and experimenting with ideas so that you find more answers.

I accepted myself because I just know that I'm cool because the things that I like and do are cool. This post wouldn't exist at all if I didn't change that. Even online, conversations wouldn't happen if I didn't build that over time. Maybe most people don't like me in most places, that could be the case, I can't tell, but I know well enough that apathy isn't a common response to my existence, and that's good enough for me, because my main goal is to just be interesting, and being hated by normalfags doesn't bother me. Might even please me sometimes. Being boring is worse than being an objectively bad person, in my mind. And speaking of boredom, you should always be doing something. When I stop doing things, that's when I want to kill myself the most. The worst part of something bad happening isn't the thing that just happened, but the fact that it makes me stop doing things. If I stop, I start thinking about how shit my life is and it's difficult to come out of that.

I just try to distract myself from problems and pretend that they don't exist, most of the time. If you have interests and ideas and have enough knowledge and/or skills, that can give you more confidence. It can change you internally. But it won't make you social. Forget about that. Don't expect to never be depressed again either. That is something to run away from, but it won't just disappear. And that confidence works on the internet, and maybe it could in real life, if it actually made you want to interact with just anyone. But I just don't like most people and in real life, I have no control over who I interact with, so I have no reason to leave this room. You will never get along with most people either, probably. If you are not normal, it's likely that you are just fundamentally incompatible with them. This is not even a bad thing. They are just boring, and pretty damn shitty, so fuck them, I don't care. I see no reason to want to talk to them. No significant connections would ever be formed, so it's pointless. Speaking of desperately trying to have enough confidence to survive and not completely hate myself, this post may be a mess, but I will post it anyway because it can still be useful.

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253de7 No.7551

>>7550

>I have a solid identity because I have a vague understanding of who I am (and an even vaguer understanding of why I ended up this way) and what I want

in my experience your desire is you. what you want is the keystone to identity. OP ask yourself what it is you want for yourself, and what it is you can reasonably expect for yourself.

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31f705 No.7552

File: 6d6f7a5c8bce145⋯.png (108.7 KB,701x1268,701:1268,random stuff.png)

>>7551

Knowing what you don't want is just as important. You are what you like and what you dislike, so doing more things tends to improve your understanding of yourself. Your identity is defined by your reaction to everything else that exists. Discovering yourself and having a solid identity makes suicide that much more difficult, because you just have more to care about, and it's just harder to let the things that you hate win so easily and so early. Of course, it's unlikely that this will reverse anyone's situation. If you are someone that doesn't get along with society, that's unlikely to change. It's just part of who you are, even if you don't know why yet. If society happens to be your eternal enemy, I guess all you can do is find ways to deal with that (well, I will worry about that when I'm absolutely fucked, because I still have a hard time caring about myself enough to do anything against a threat that isn't immediate, and besides, worrying about the future was killing me, so I decided to stop doing it, and this is the downside of that decision). It's not something easy to deal with, but denying the truth is definitely worse. Also, whenever I think that I understand myself, I'm always wrong. Something else just makes me realize that I'm not even close. Happens all the time. Maybe this never ends. That would make sense. But I guess I'm also just a confusing mess. Well, it gives me something to do. Can't complain about it too much.

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834557 No.7634

>>7552

What's the text from?

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834557 No.7635

>>7548

Sometimes you just get born into a crazy, evil family through no fault of your own. They were fucked up even before you were born, and none of it was your fault. They deliberately try to destroy your self-esteem to stimulate themselves and to maintain control over you. You don't have to feel bad about yourself because of people like that, and it definitely doesn't mean that you will never be able to interact with healthy people.

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31f705 No.7636

File: 42fefb1cd45de83⋯.mp4 (3.57 MB,492x320,123:80,Boogiepop Phantom opening ….mp4)

>>7634

Boogiepop Returns: VS Imaginator Part 1. Read all of the translated books a while ago (well, at least what I found on libgen), and now I have another reason to learn Japanese. Highly recommended, but skip the recent anime adaptation, because that was a disappointment. Phantom is good, though, but read the books first. I actually wrote quite a lot about them, because it's what I do when I read pretty much anything. Really helped me see all the connections. Now I just have to stop procrastinating, finish everything I'm watching, and get back to learning Japanese. There is a lot of stuff that I don't remember, but Japanese the Manga Way should help with that. Kind of a pain, but I have to stop reading translations. Avoiding subtitles is probably a good idea as well, and it gives me an excuse to rewatch a lot of things. I have way too many other things to learn, so hopefully it won't take long to become part of my routine.

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22e2be No.7655

>>7548

At least we have this suffering in common. Worthless as it may seem, a bit of solidarity can make the crippling emptiness of this existence just bit more bearable. I also grow more scared everyday of never making it out if this lonely vacuum, of never becoming self sufficient or finding any true happiness. This life without passion, direction, or the nourishment of genuine human connection is wearing me down faster than father time himself and his clock seems to tick exponentially faster by the year.

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