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/hikki/ - Hikikomori

The modern hermit

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A WARNING TO ALL NEW USERS IF YOU ARE NOT A HIKIKOMORI I WILL BAN YOU!! People who are going to work or school are not Hikikomori There are many people on here who can not leave their home Please choose your topic with consideration IF YOU HAVEN'T BEEN AT HOME INSIDE YOUR ROOM FOR AT LEAST 6 MONTHS OR MORE THEN DON'T POST HERE!

File: 6ddfd18d3a74cae⋯.jpg (85.29 KB,736x1013,736:1013,nhk art pic.jpg)

64d097 No.97 [Last50 Posts]

What were the reasons that made you become a hikikomori? for me its the following.

>Be bullied throughout both middle school and high school for having autism and being myself

>Lots of drama going on inside family home (Will not go into detail)

>Socially awkward

>Hate going outside

>Do not agree with a lot of things in this society.

>Feel betrayed by own age peers because i was not socially accepted by them

>Shit parents (Still love them to an extent though)

>Closeted pedophile (Could never tell my parents i dont wanna be disowned for an attraction i did not choose)

>To red pilled about the world to live a normalfag lifestyle i guess thats what happens when you're on the internet 24/7

>Hate most people

>One part of me loves being alone, this part of me loves to get away from everything and everyone.

>Feel protected when inside my room

Those are pretty much my reasons i guess what are your reasons /hikki/??.

____________________________
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5a9f5e No.107

Hello admin

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64d097 No.108

>>107

Hi fellow hikki

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54711b No.111

File: 05dc0abd31baccf⋯.gif (442.88 KB,500x285,100:57,05dc0abd31baccf916efb66a79….gif)

>>97

I know so many of those feels.

>spent a lot of time playing vidya inside as a child (parents would scold me for not playing outside enough)

>parents were belligerent and angry when I little, so I was very timid as a kid and become cold and emotionless in my adolescence/adulthood

>never followed trends/pop-culture so I could never fit in with the majority of people

>heavily introverted all the way through middle/high school

>my inability to fit in led to a hatred of the general public

>held only 2 jobs in my life, quit both within a year

>went to college for programming, didn't like it but I was alright at it

>attended ITT, so the education was sub-par

>ITT shut down one month after I graduated

>became impossible to find a job, passed over for everything I applied to

>the one sit-in interview I had, I never got a call back

>gave up because it was hopeless and I don't much care for programming anyway

>have been full hikki since then

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558191 No.113

>>97

>>Feel betrayed by own age peers because i was not socially accepted by them

This sort of thing a root factor for me; being misfit since day one. It lead to stunting myself.

Need to interact with a person or group -> I am beneath them.

Need to advocate for myself and get push back -> Accept it.

Think about trying to socialize with someone/some group/some activity -> I'm not wanted. I'm a burden.

Think about employment -> I lack the socialization required to front a job seeker persona.

I bury the feelings and try it despite all that but it comes off fake and insincere. If I don't then they will see the broken person underneath. If I don't fake it too much then I am plain/boring, withdrawn, hiding something, suspicious to others.

I am a stunted individual. I recognize that the way to grow from that is to not be a shut in and obtain experiences. To try to go out and accomplish things but I'm retarded due to reinforced rejection and reclusion. People don't want to babysit a retard or a burden. It becomes obvious when they are annoyed with the task of dealing with this. Which feeds back to the start. I'm not wanted. I am beneath them.

That is when faced with decent people. Some will recognize the weakness and exploit it. That is another avenue which to avoid society. A normal person has built up wits and self defense mechanisms that come with maturity in order to protect themselves like second nature.

The participation trophies were not pointless like every normie millennial thinks. A person needs a core fortitude of self confidence and acceptance. They obtain reinforcement from these the intricacies of socialization and social norms. Even if it was forced bullshit. In this era of hyper-individuality it is more important than ever. Social and communal belonging are part of human nature. To build that as an adult is to build a fortress on a broken foundation. People cannot grasp this concept because it is too far outside their reality.

They don't know what's it's like to be a stunted child who is still trying to grow up properly. They think it means they still like to watch cartoons and play video games. That's why we have the hikikomori memes, the neckbeard memes, the basement dweller memes. They equate it to a lazy Saturday spent at home in pajamas. They don't see the deeply flawed individual.

From all this it stems to my other qualities of hiki. The avoidance of people. The disagreement with societal norms. The withdrawal into vices. The self sabotage. The ever growing disconnect between the outer self and the inner self (e.g. I a physically grown adult yet I still instinctively identity with younger people. I need to constantly remind myself that I'm an old fuck now. My peers have children and mortgages).

The only path out is to keep faking it while trying to resolve the realities from the madness. To try to maintain sanity while sorting through the flood of detritus and pick out the right parts from the wrong. To try to build some form of positive self out of the bits and pieces while relying on only my broken mind as positive reinforcement. Maybe some day the fortress might stand upright but the broken foundation will always be there.

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64d097 No.118

>>113

I like your spin on this.

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64d097 No.119

File: bd174bad3bc72da⋯.png (544.78 KB,633x758,633:758,1499634347487.png)

>>111

> (parents would scold me for not playing outside enough)

This also happened to me.

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28ba3a No.124

>>113

>The only path out is to keep faking it while trying to resolve the realities from the madness.

That's the thing tho, I don't want to fake it till I make it. I don't want to implement such fakeness, when it becomes the real thing. Sure, everyone else does it to build confidence but that's not the kind of confidence I want to build. Even if it means to better yourself that way, it just doesn't seem right to me. Even by then, you still have problems while ignorance is a bliss. I can't and will not have that kind of mind set. Drown me to the bottom of the pit of today's society, I don't care. That shit is fucked up. You can't be fully content with that lifestyle as well.

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64d097 No.128

>>124

I completely agree.

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774dc4 No.136

I tried to have jobs for years, I would work a maximum of 6 months a year and most jobs lasted a couple months at best before I burnt out and was unable to bring myself into work.

Almost every job I've had I've ghosted. I've never been able to make friends, not even friendly acquaintances, I've always been the weird awkward guy who makes everyone uncomfortable.

Living like that was simply too painful for me so I dropped out. I used to be highly intelligent but years of isolation on imageboards have atrophied my brain and shot my attention span.

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64d097 No.139

File: 988078f775daf7d⋯.jpg (47.14 KB,648x595,648:595,988078f775daf7d0af47cb7fac….jpg)

>>136

>I used to be highly intelligent but years of isolation on imageboards have atrophied my brain and shot my attention span.

Ahhh see for me its the opposite i have gotten smarter over the years because of the fact that i am a hikikomori who is pretty much almost on the internet 24/7 and likes to learn so being online a lot i learn new things everyday.

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992b45 No.148

>>139

So you're the kind of anon who most likely the same as me

before I was a hikki and isolated myself I was pretty stupid like every normal shit brain out there but after years of reading and taking courses via internet and sitting in front of my monitor 24/7 the same as you i become more intelligent I'm even improved my english skills alot through video games and image boards it's not my tongue

but anon did you know some english courses or some sites to learn from since you know I have much of free time and I want to waste it on learning instead of playing Vidya or reading manga

I learned Spanish and a little pit or Korean so I want to learn English but put much effort in it due to it's the most used language on internet and I'm sick of translate every new shit word

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992b45 No.149

>>148

Also if anyone know a site to download english series without subs or any shit jus the actors speak with their tongue, the original series not subed or dubed, for free just mention it here to use it to download some english series to kill the time and learn the language through them

since you're all hikkis here that means pretty clear you wasted your times watching anime so suggest some hikki animes and the site to download them

ty hikkis

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64d097 No.151

File: cc20c70985444a7⋯.jpg (55.05 KB,800x800,1:1,1444450244226.jpg)

>>148

>So you're the kind of anon who most likely the same as me

>before I was a hikki and isolated myself I was pretty stupid like every normal shit brain out there but after years of reading and taking courses via internet and sitting in front of my monitor 24/7 the same as you i become more intelligent I'm even improved my english skills alot through video games and image boards it's not my tongue

Exactly yes i am i am very interested in history so i like looking up history also boards like /pol/ /r9k/ /b/ and others have red pilled me.and have opened my eyes on a lot of controversial subjects also learned a little bit of Portuguese when i was 14.

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992b45 No.152

>>151

Idk but you seems to be my imageboard friend I love you dude

I am as well 70% of the courses which I took was talking about history especially the Roman-Egyptian civilization and a little bit about Atlantis

/r9k/ has always been my home board since hikki chan ruined with the much amounts of kids read what's hikki meaning in Wikipedia and try to fit on the board so eventually they ended up destroy it

but now I found that board and it seems to be the new home for me besides /r9k/ to be clear and honest I had improved my English especially from the time which I spent on r9k

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64d097 No.153

File: add63b9ab5420a6⋯.jpg (9.88 KB,283x178,283:178,images (11).jpg)

>>152

>Idk but you seems to be my imageboard friend I love you dude

thanks anon thats awesome to hear.

>r9k has always been my home board since hikki chan ruined with the much amounts of kids

Same actually but now you and i have another home and that is this fresh new board which is comfy for . hikikomoris.

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992b45 No.157

File: 2e7f1c66b080bda⋯.jpg (9.9 KB,255x232,255:232,db739754533bd6ded604ac0ee7….jpg)

>>153

exactly and I wish we finally can find peace here and isolated ourselves from the shit we had exposed to over the last year

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64d097 No.159

>>157

Exactly

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2723c8 No.160

File: 4fae37d2455f3d8⋯.jpg (15.28 KB,475x339,475:339,1433537630332.jpg)

Mixture of not really being able to connect with others, social anxiety, depression since early teens, general lazyness and a total lack of ambition and direction in where I wanted to go in life. Plus society and life isn't looking too pretty right now and thinking it isn't just gets you labeled as a bigot for no real reason.

Also pretty much said to myself I'd take a gap year after graduating to sort my self out and relax, 4 years later here I still am.

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64d097 No.161

File: 42fcd55d95a4541⋯.jpg (28.06 KB,684x576,19:16,pepe sad.jpg)

>>160

>Mixture of not really being able to connect with others, social anxiety, depression since early teens, general lazyness and a total lack of ambition and direction in where I wanted to go in life. Plus society and life isn't looking too pretty right now

This is pretty much me too.

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933622 No.189

>>113

> Need to interact with a person or group -> I am beneath them.

> Need to advocate for myself and get push back -> Accept it.

That's … eerily accurate. I feel like I could have written this myself.

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54711b No.195

File: a15bdbd442a0be5⋯.jpg (102.47 KB,722x349,722:349,a15bdbd442a0be5c867d7ff4aa….jpg)

>>160

>general lazyness and a total lack of ambition and direction in where I wanted to go in life

I hate that feeling. I have good momentum when it comes to labor. I don't want work at first, but once I get going, I usually work at an impressive rate. So if I could actually figure out what the hell to do with my life, I think I could focus my energy on it and maybe even succeed. Unfortunately, I can never decide what to do, and the longer I wait, the harder it becomes to get into something. It's awful.

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64d097 No.196

>>195

I have this same problem.

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f09030 No.653

File: 1526c28a3aefb31⋯.gif (585.41 KB,498x333,166:111,Charlotte.gif)

>had a hard time making friends

>never really had friends as they all seemed to hate me

>only friend was little brother who grew up and didn't want me around anymore

>stopped trying to make friends

>homelife was always very dramatic

>stopped caring about my family

>had a couple teachers in my sophomore year who were real jerks about me being a loner

>stopped caring about school

>stopped going to school

>got redpilled and stopped caring about society

>a long series of trauma while hikki cemented my hikki ways

>>136

>I've always been the weird awkward guy who makes everyone uncomfortable.

>I used to be highly intelligent but years of isolation on imageboards have atrophied my brain and shot my attention span.

yeah

I still am pretty intelligent because of the media i engage with, but my ability to communicate has been ruined. I just come across as a crazy retard now.

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281059 No.655

File: 6df7cf987fef9b3⋯.jpg (43.24 KB,275x459,275:459,6df7cf987fef9b306d3c792f66….jpg)

People bring out the worst in me. When I'm left to my own devices, I strive to better myself and genuinely improve at my hobbies. However, when I socialize, my autism shows, and thinking back to it all, it's pathetic to the point of being sad. I've been far happier as a person ever since I stopped seeking out friendships and started focusing on myself.

That, and frankly, there's only so much abuse and betrayal a person can take before he just stops bothering with it all.

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f09030 No.656

>>655

Man that hits close to home. When i'm alone i eat better, i sleep better, i get more accomplished. I feel like a real human bean. But the second i get around others or feel pressured by others i fall apart.

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dc646f No.665

>>113

I don't agree with the notion that thinking and acting like a psychopath is a sign of maturity. I think it's the other way. These are very fucked up times we live in, and I don't consider myself broken for being unwilling to adapt to them.

I could treat people, knowledge and activities as disposable, just play the numbers game and maybe manage to roll through life, but I wouldn't be able to answer; what's the point of all this?

I still wouldn't have real friends, my job would be no more meaningful than sitting here, my possessions would all have strings attached.

I had a plan to build myself a life outside of this hell and actually do something that wouldn't be a waste of time. But people wouldn't allow it. So I won't insist. I'll die here.

>>655

Please stop repeating the autism meme.

Have you considered that you're simply a tall poppy? You say you have hobbies that you improve at. Humans are fucking vicious. The better the things you do, the more valuable it is for them to ruin it, as if they were looking for a sacrifice to please a mad god.

Realize that there isn't such a thing as a social butterfly who's actually good at things. That's a unicorn. You only have so much space in your head and hours in a day, you can fill it with useful things, or you can fill it with the latest memes, hundreds of canned responses to pass social shit-tests, memorized names and phone numbers, fashion, and whatever else is mandatory these days.

You weren't ruined by being denied those things as a kid, you were spared.

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64d097 No.672

File: 7fb58f251d48b8d⋯.gif (241.21 KB,497x331,497:331,giphy.gif)

>>653

>>I used to be highly intelligent but years of isolation on imageboards have atrophied my brain and shot my attention span.

>yeah

For me it's the opposite i think years of isolation have made me smarter because i spend most of my time teaching myself stuff like programming.

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64d097 No.673

File: 9be93b57beb1f86⋯.jpg (35.78 KB,511x428,511:428,1453698257273.jpg)

>>655

>People bring out the worst in me. When I'm left to my own devices, I strive to better myself and genuinely improve at my hobbies. However, when I socialize, my autism shows, and thinking back to it all, it's pathetic to the point of being sad. I've been far happier as a person ever since I stopped seeking out friendships and started focusing on myself.

>That, and frankly, there's only so much abuse and betrayal a person can take before he just stops bothering with it all.

This is so true and it really hit close to home.

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76f47a No.674

File: 08c9e89dcd64251⋯.jpg (39.01 KB,540x540,1:1,08c9e89dcd642514b8db636825….jpg)

Reading some of these posts is like looking into a mirror for me. When I think back to the past it's like, how did I let it get so bad? How did I let so much time slip between my fingers? That's the hardest thing on me. You're an adult for the rest of your life. It's the childhood years that are so short and so precious and are the most disheartening to loose.

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54711b No.697

File: 5887129e3d2ad6f⋯.gif (610.46 KB,500x281,500:281,1469937292738.gif)

>>665

>or you can fill it with the latest memes, hundreds of canned responses to pass social shit-tests, memorized names and phone numbers, fashion, and whatever else is mandatory these days.

>You weren't ruined by being denied those things as a kid, you were spared.

I like the way you think, friend. It's no great mystery as to why average people are often referred to as 'cattle,' because that's exactly how they choose to live. They spend so much time on social media, pop-culture, parties, and other superfluous nonsense that they never dare to open their minds to things like science, history, philosophy, or art. They miss out on the wondrous banquet of knowledge that the world so readily provides. It's true that I often envy aspects of their lives, mostly the ample opportunities that they are given to form deep, meaningful relationships with lovers or spouses, but ultimately I pity them, for they will never even bother to think outside the boundaries of their existence. I could never be comfortable being average.

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46b0f6 No.716

I got caught up watching people do people things. Really that's about it. Missed or ignored every opportunity to join society. Pretty much accepted it at this point and have tried to make strides in escaping my own self made hell. It could be worse I guess.

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64d097 No.721

>>716

There has to be more to it than just that i'm sure.

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46b0f6 No.726

>>721

Maybe. I've gotten caught up in so many thoughts and memories that I don't know what's mine and what's somebody else's. There are moments where everything kind of feels like snow and I want to lie down, and others when it's really clear and I can learn a number of things all at once. That's gone on for as long as I've been living I think.

Really though, I just remember seeing so much happening around me and it's all pretty fascinating. Not in a "colors" kind of way though, more like contextually. I like to guess at what happened before somebody did something and what will happen after too, and that takes a long time to figure. Pretty sure most people do things of that nature though, maybe not as often, which is why I ended up just drifting for so long. Now it's to the point where I freely drift and have to make a tangible effort to stay grounded.

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a73a99 No.727

>>97

>Be 8 years old

>Nice loving dad turned into asshole over the last year due to pain from cancer, dies

>Get made fun off for my father dying by the other kids in school

>Stop trusting people

>Never have friends again

>Increasingly lose social skills

>Still go to school as needed, but stay home in the afternoon

>The "going out" part falls away as highschool ends

>move into old house my family owns so I don't have to be pitied by my mother

>Buy food in bulk once every two weeks

>Have panic attacks when forced into unforeseen social contact

I kinda entered university to try to not die without having at least one accomplishment, but the classes where I could just show up for the test are over now and it's nigh impossible to sit in a lecture for 2-3 hours surrounded by dozens of people.

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64d097 No.728

File: 8683729baf8fa07⋯.jpg (63.93 KB,1024x904,128:113,d34eb49b1909d9a2a659154566….jpg)

>>727

>>Get made fun off for my father dying by the other kids in school

Who does that?? what a bunch of fucking assholes.

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63e50b No.729

My mother smoking and being a highly negative element in my life for a long time.

Being kicked out of two schools in a row, despite being one of the most intelligent there - i simply wasn't motivated and in the first, there was a cabal of teachers against me, led by one in particular, a disgusting piece of shit.

Being far too aware of how things really were in the world, being unable to stop thinking about it.

Thinking too much in general.

Never having a way out.

Too much attachment to possessions and fear of my mother destroying them if I left them alone. This was a big one.

Lack of friends, lack of reason to go outside or wake up in the morning.

Strong habit to sleep in the day and wake up at night, probably to escape my mother and the world, to have some time in a universe where no one else was.

After 15+ years, I managed to build myself up and escape it.

3 years later my health suddenly failed, I have tried to resolve it, doctors have been useless, it has only become worse.

Eventually quit my job. Now I'm back and I fear it will happen again, only now, I have nothing to look forward to.

Been sleeping in the day for the past week, it is 8am now and I'm in bed about to sleep.

I need to pick a job and a place to live and leave this behind forever, I can't do this again.

I regret so much wasting my life, my youth, trapped in a room with a computer, isolated from the world.

My advice to any of you who are trapped, find a way out, any way, because once you are on the other side of it, you will wonder why you were ever there.

It is all an illusion in your mind which keeps making reasons why everything is impossible.

It isn't, almost everything is possible.

Don't let the years pass.

Do positive things, make positive habits, and face all of your fears, one by one.

Money helps a lot, try earning online, or a part time job, save some money and use it to better yourself.

Travel helped me a lot, and finally ridding myself of all the possessions I didn't need.

Putting your foot through every electrical device would probably help too.

Whatever the things are that keep you inside, either find a way to escape them completely, and put a great distance between you and them, or find a way to solve or pass them.

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a73a99 No.730

>>728

Normies are cruel to a ridiculous degree.

They try to appear nice and caring, but show any weakness and you'll get stabbed in the back.

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63e50b No.731

>>729

Being ganged up on in primary school, by the students and teachers, and the same in secondary school - then the same in the streets as a teenager - probably contributed too.

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64d097 No.732

>>730

>Normies are cruel to a ridiculous degree.

>They try to appear nice and caring, but show any weakness and you'll get stabbed in the back.

This is so true.

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63e50b No.733

>>160

>>195

Do anything, just start without overthinking it.

Stick with something for a year if it is tolerable, and if you don't like it and it isn't progressing, just change to something else.

Try a few different things, but stick with them for long enough that you can tell whether it is for you.

Think about what you enjoy and what you are good at. Seek out things similar to that, write lists down and go through them.

Then apply without hesitation, and do them.

Don't try to do it perfectly or find the perfect job, and don't think about the hypothetical negative things that can happen from it.

Just start.

It isn't easy, but the method that works well is to turn off the part of your brain that is constantly second guessing everything, and just do it like a robot.

"I don't have a cv/resume" - read 3-4 sites on how to make a good cv, bullet point the best advice, write the cv in a positive way. If you lack experience, then lost your skills first, anything you've learned that is useful.

"I don't know which job to look for" - search for a variety, read the descriptions, see which ones you like for one reason or another. make a shortlist, apply to them all.

Then the interview, then choose which one you want.

Read on the internet about each stage so you are prepared.

Don't overthink any part of it.

A lot of stuff can be done like this. Only focus on solutions, step by step, write out each stage and the solution for it.

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5516de No.734

>>124

literally had this thought.

fuck fakeness, im me

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f73dc6 No.739

File: e942c3e68f42915⋯.jpg (95.9 KB,640x480,4:3,suicide-note.jpg)

The fundamental reason is that I cannot do anything.

I sit inside thinking "I should do X" or "I should do Y" but I cannot bring up the motivation to do it. Even shit like playing a video game or watching a film is difficult for me.

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281059 No.741

>>739

I know that feel, anon. Most of my motivation died years ago, so I end up wasting the majority of my free time and then despise myself as a result.

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8bbe35 No.744

>>97

stpd

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ebc247 No.757

As far as I can recall I was fairly 'normal' until about the age of 15. My family had its own problems but so does everyone's so I don't consider that to be a contributing factor. At age 15 I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome and ended up repeating a year of school due to the excessive amount time that I couldn't attend. It was during that long downtime that something either broke, or clicked inside of me and ever since then I've had no motivation to continue 'progressing' with my life.

Social interaction became sparse to say the least and what little of it that I continued to have with the outside world only left me with a bad taste in my mouth. I consider all people to be inherently selfish and extremely dangerous, it's just in their best interests not to be for 99.9% of the time. However whenever someone can get away with something that benefits themselves with little to no immediate consequences, they'll do it. I no longer find anything wrong with that fact and have come to appreciate how valuable that facet of humanity has been in shaping our history, but I can honestly say that my life was far better when I was ignorant of how cold and ruthless people are deep down.

The strong consume the weak now and forever. Knowledge only serves to broaden your horizons and give you a glimpse of how truly powerless you are. Some people can thrive with that knowledge, some can struggle on despite it and others like myself will crumble under the weight of it.

Altogether calling it extreme social anxiety is probably accurate enough without going into specific details. In the last decade I've spent less than two weeks of total time outside and year by year the time that I spend outside continues to decrease. Despite my gradual adaptation to my current life there are still things that are a source of constant grief. The most notable of all is loneliness, which I imagine is a commonality amongst people that post here. I don't know how many people here have been a hikikomori for decades, in fact I don't even know how many people in general have lived like this for multiple decades. Logistically it's not a sustainable way of life and deep down I know that eventually I will have to face homelessness or suicide; I suspect that that's not an uncommon end for most people in my situation. That much doesn't worry me too much, whatever will be will be as we all have our lot in life.

What does truly worry me though, is wether the loneliness will ever completely go away, or if I'll have to suffer under it until the bitter end.

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63e50b No.765

>>741

>>739

I have the same problem, motivation is very difficult for me - I think it is my main weakness in life.

I have found that the times when I have done the most difficult things, it was NOT motivation that kept me going.

It was determination.

Starting to do something is the hardest part - if you consider that most things carry absolutely no risk whatsoever, especially when starting them - then you can take the first step, do the first part of whatever it is you should do.

Once you have done step 1, you do step 2, and so on. Mindlessly. You do not wait for the right time, you do not abandon it for not being perfect in your predictions.

You just do it.

Don't think about the time you have wasted, do not think negative thoughts about yourself.

Instead, remove yourself from the equation entirely.

Say "fuck it, I'm taking control of this right now", and do the first part.

If that is standing up and leaving your bed, then that is part 1 done.

Part 2 is putting your clothes on as fast as you can.

Part 3 is brushing your teeth and drinking a glass of water.

Part 4 is having a shower.

Part 5 is having something to eat right away, no delay and no checking your email. You need energy to be able to think and do.

The killer is hesitation and overthinking.

If you make everything as immediate as possible, like you are on a stop clock, then things will become easier.

Years ago I used to have real trouble leaving my bed. I'd wake up late, as in the afternoon, feel down and dislike myself for having woken up so late, and this would make me feel more down, so much so there seemed no point in leaving my bed at all.

Hours and hours could pass, and I would feel worse as each hour passed. Night would come and I still hadn't left the bed, and I'd feel even worse.

Eventually I would rise, go to the toilet, drink water, brush my teeth, eat some food - then waste the night playing games or watching series or films, then it would all repeat.

What I found, at some point, was to speak a countdown as soon as I woke.

I chose 14 seconds. I had 14 seconds and I would start counting down out loud.

That 14 second countdown I would start whenever I felt the negative loop of thoughts coming that would usually prevent me from doing something.

Within that countdown, I would be up, and I'd stop counting. As soon as I was on my feet, the rest became easier.

I had already taken control of one thing, that made me more able to take control of the rest of it and keep doing things.

I still slip into it sometimes, when I am feeling down or have nothing to do.

But I push myself out of it, and remind myself that it is always better to leave the bed as soon as I can, and start doing things as soon as I can, because each action that I do makes the next action easier.

You have to stop treating yourself like a person, and start treating yourself and you body like a robot that you can control.

Control it like a robot, you don't wait until you FEEL like leaving your bed, YOU make that robot stand up like a puppet, and you make that robot put his clothes on, and brush his teeth and everything else that he should be doing.

You are now your controller, you are the robot's master and programmer.

Make him do something, it doesn't matter what - because every action you take makes the next action easier to do.

Build good habits and routines - force yourself to stick with them for a few weeks and after that they will become automatic.

If you slip up, don't punish yourself, thinking about yourself negatively doesn't help, it just makes it worse.

Think positively whenever possible, force it if you have to.

Say, "alright let's go, let's do this NOW".

tl;dr; Treat your body like you are controlling a robot, and make it do things that it should be doing. Do not wait for motivation, motivation isn't important. Doing things immediately is.

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56f38f No.773

File: f7e67b658af090e⋯.jpg (60.3 KB,480x563,480:563,1486852991563.jpg)

>>119

>ywn experience the minor victory of your mother pondering outloud why none of the neighborhood kids play outside like in the 70s

Oh and I fell for her meme, ended up making an acquaintance with a psycho boy at her behest, really they were poor and had to play outside and he was a mega momma's boy. We hated each other within a few months. Nothing of value lost.

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799f72 No.777

As a kid, around 10 or so, I started changing schools often. From what I can recall, this was because of bullying and my mom's frustration with the school's ability of not doing enough. Likely though I was just too soft of a kid, which I realized in middle school triggering an outward personality change. Not putting up with people's shit helps quite a bit.

But anyway, at the time of school moves, I also started moving to different cities/towns and even states. As a result I lost the little friends I had and never recuperated, I suppose.

I was and always have been shy, introverted, and according to others "standoffish". From the time of the shuffling me around, I got into gaming which kept me busy and isolated in my room until highschool when I lost interest.

Even at 20, I've no friends online nor off.

Becoming hikki happened to me but it's also partially a choice, not something I'm proud of though. Each time I've tried to become more social, I fall back to the same conclusion: I'm not good for people and people aren't good for me. I'd join an IRC channel and stay active for, say, a month, during which I'd become trivial and shallow. Not to kid myself into thinking I was "deep" in the first place but what little depth I had had noticeably shrunk. I'd crave more and more response to things I'd say and instead of holding the question or thought and thinking about it for myself, I'd just empty my head in the channel, using it to think for me.

And I had this exact effect on others as well; it's a feedback loop of shit.

I feel like saying "I can't help it" but that's a lie. It's a choice, isn't it? And of course this is amplified offline where there seems to be an even bigger incentive to deceive yourself and others, and to answer and ask things as quickly as possible, with as little thought possible. There's no time for anything other than to just act.

Either online or off, it sucks. It feels like shit. And I want to be alone, and can't help but be alone. It's a choice and a happening.

http://maverickphilosopher.typepad.com/maverick_philosopher/2013/04/introverts-and-inwardness.html

>Kierkegaard

>I have just returned from a party of which I was the life and soul; witty banter flowed from my lips, everyone laughed and admired me – but I came away, indeed the dash should be as long as the radius of the earth's orbit ——————————————- wanting to shoot myself.

http://maverickphilosopher.typepad.com/maverick_philosopher/2014/03/abstain-the-night-before-feel-better-the-morning-after.html

>Kafka

>In the next room my mother is entertaining the L. couple. They are talking about vermin and corns. (Mrs. L. has six corns on each toe.) It is easy to see that there is no real progress made in conversations of this sort. It is information that will be forgotten again by both and that even now proceeds along in self-forgetfulness without any sense of responsibility.

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ae8219 No.835

I don't know the exact moment my hope died, but my life was this:

>born to my mother's second of three dead beat husbands as a middle child

>he left when I was two

>she brought in a third one when I was 6 years old

>worst one yet, beat the snot out of me and molested my sister and beat my mom

>arrested in front of me a few years later after slamming my mom's head into a wall and waving around a gun

>elementary school life I was pretty much the only white kid, get called gringo, relentlessly bullied, isolated, teachers and no one else listened to my complaints because they were all mexican

>middle school I gained weight, got bullied much the same way except now I was called fat ass in addition to it

>kept gaining weight into high school, bullying persisted, the last day before I dropped out I was beaten unconscious by a bunch of blacks and they stole everything I owned, had to walk home in my underwear barefoot

>start becoming a misanthrope

>play video games, get progressively fatter, years pass by in a blink of an eye and I realized my chances were gone just like that

>during this time sister brings in yet another time I have to deal with some abusive scumbag, but I'm too scared to do anything, just wanted to be left alone so tried to ignore the screaming and pounding on the walls and the breaking of things

>he comes into my room because I ate something that apparently belonged to him and tried to slash my throat with scissors and threw my computer against the wall, miraculously it still worked and he was eventually arrested and kicked out

>things kept going on the same until one day I got tired of being fat, lost 250lbs, got a shitty job but was doing stuff, women started liking me, lost my kissless virgin status, thought things were turning around finally

>got sick with pneumonia, boss fired me because I had no health insurance to get a doctors note, lost my e-gf gained a bunch of weight and got even older with no hope to ever find true love and happiness and now the cycle continues

This is my reality and the life finally flickers out of my life, I was doomed from the beginning

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ae8219 No.836

>>835

This is also the first time I've ever let any of this out, I usually lie like fuck on the internet to escape my shitty reality even though I no longer have anyone to lie to even on the internet. It actually feels kind of good, thanks for existing /hikki/.

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64d097 No.842

>>835

>>836

Your story is very sad anon i do feel very bad for you no offense but your parents sound like assholes.

>This is also the first time I've ever let any of this out, I usually lie like fuck on the internet to escape my shitty reality even though I no longer have anyone to lie to even on the internet. It actually feels kind of good, thanks for existing /hikki/.

Glad to hear that this board has helped you vent.

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ae8219 No.854

>>842

Thanks anon, sadly I have to agree. Right now I think my mom only puts up with me because my footprint is small and nothing really changed from when I was growing up and was neglected anyway. I was never taught how to be functioning, when I had problems in school it was ignored, when I dropped out no one tried to force me to do anything about it like get a GED, or go into another school. I was never taught even the basics of how to fit into society, I don't even know how to drive a fucking car right now. It hurts when no one understands and assume because their lives are one way I can just "pull myself up by the bootstraps" and make everything work through sheer willpower. When you've been trampled on and have gone through this eventually just having willpower to brush your teeth becomes difficult and the only reason living is even possible is because suicide takes willpower and existing does not in this form. I don't know what to do anymore, feels like I've somehow sunk to an even lower point in my life because I just lost the sole reason for me being able to cope and ignore that I was already a hikki again even though like everything else it was fucked from the beginning and she would never want anything from such a flawed person like me.

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64d097 No.875

File: cf00891bf22322f⋯.jpg (116.73 KB,1920x1080,16:9,maxresdefault (3).jpg)

>>854

> I was never taught how to be functioning, when I had problems in school it was ignored

>I was never taught even the basics of how to fit into society, I don't even know how to drive a fucking car right now. It hurts when no one understands and assume because their lives are one way

That really hit close to home same here anon i was never taught any of this as well my parents always assumed everything and were never really there for me if i tried to tell them about a problem i was having they would brush it off or buy me shit because they thought i would feel better and the problem would go away i guess and not learning the basics of how to fit into society is part of the reason i have so much anxiety nowadays one day earlier this year i left my room because i was hungry and went to Burger King to pick up something quick i walked in the place was full of all these ghetto niggers there was a fat nigger working behind the counter i tried to tell him what i wanted and he's like mother fucker you need to speak up i pointed to what i wanted he told me the price and i literally froze when trying to hand him the money and then he yells at me why the fuck you just standing there?? you have enough after that i handed the money to him got my stuff and left it's situations like these that make me so uncomfortable to the point where i just don't wanna go outside at all.

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18f095 No.923

File: 8bc4ea98adbc4a7⋯.jpg (570.32 KB,1300x1095,260:219,__futaba_anzu_idolmaster_a….jpg)

I suggest you guys to focus on self discovery and building stuff.

Self improvement is a meme, it doesn't do anything.

Find yourself, your personality, your life purpose and reason (which is mainly predetermined by your birth sign and zodiac).

Don't be that guy who rejects the idea of astrology though, theres's plenty of them ignorant about the true form of cosmos.

If you do, you're falling for the "it isn't science therefore incorrect and stars are balls of gas" meme.

I think you guys aren't like that. And by the way you guys should look up MBTI (another astrology-like stuff in case you hate that).

It's the fastest way to learn about what aligns your actual personality.

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64d097 No.933

File: 403b6eb822eafa5⋯.jpg (35.37 KB,484x497,484:497,1467572079382.jpg)

>>923

>Self improvement is a meme

I think we all can agree on that it's seriously nothing more than a joke as replacing your negative thoughts with positive ones doesn't help everyone there is a great line from Welcome To The NHK. where the brother of Satous old class leader says he read every single self help book that he could literally write one himself and it still wouldn't help him that is one of the more powerful scenes in NHK. because it shows how much of a scam self help is.

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e92e92 No.935

File: 879400902b7d325⋯.jpg (47.5 KB,500x643,500:643,1487644995593.jpg)

>>933

Self help is not a scam, you need to put in the effort to do it.

scream affirmations in the morning or something, honestly though life is just a super fucking dark grim reality for all the normies running around like a bunch of retards.

All these people are, are just a collection of dumb patterns and behaviours. We teach ourselves to feel pain, happiness fear guilt etc. Based on the model of the world.

The patterns that allign most with what people value and what is considered "normal" are the successful people, normies, people with money etc.

This is literally shit you can teach yourselves until it just becomes a habit, I've done it, its the sad reality of it.

There is literally no difference between you and the next guy even if he is a billionair, just the patterns and outlook on his life.

Knowing this it really makes you question whether or not you want to change your hikkimori ways, how do I know the next dude is living the right life ? I can be happy being a fucking retard because its something learned… well most of it anyway.

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64d097 No.1012

>>935

>Self help is not a scam,

Pretty sure it is because people who write books on self help are technically just trying to scam you out of your money they couldn't give two shits about helping people it's pretty much a scam similar to the body building industry.

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54711b No.1017

>>1012

>people who write books on self help are technically just trying to scam you out of your money they couldn't give two shits about helping people

That's very true. It's like those ads on late night television, where some pompous asshole claims that you can become filthy rich just like him if you buy his complete book series on how to be successful. That's one of the reasons I withdrew from society, everyone is so eager to make fast, easy money that they forget how to be decent human beings. Morality is more rare than diamonds these days.

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64d097 No.1021

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

>>1017

>It's like those ads on late night television, where some pompous asshole claims that you can become filthy rich just like him if you buy his complete book series on how to be successful.

Exactly also the way you worded that reminded me of video related.

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Post last edited at

085c53 No.1025

>>149

Just go to pirate bay (or any other torrent site for that matter), mate.

You can get most series there without subs.

And even *if* you grab a file with subs, you can just disable them.

Hard-subs are rare these days.

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afad4f No.1026

File: 256d2cd26f8a755⋯.png (792.41 KB,1080x996,90:83,91b8704c6c9332a94551bc8193….png)

I dont know, it just happened. As soon as I left my parents house, in a matter of months, I stopped going to class and only went out for food, etc. I wasnt bullied, at least not to a anxiety level just kids stuff, and I wasnt socially successful either. I just was there, never got invited to anything, never developed social skills past basic communication, so I guess this is how I had to end up

I am currently looking into genetic researches for this, my mother recently confessed that my father (as normal of a person as any at first glance) also has "erratic, antisocial" behaviors he had to treat in therapy every few years, and she was worried because I do a lot of the exact same things he did at my age. There's a lot of details, but to put it short the resemblance is so big for a paternal figure that has influenced me so little, it makes me think it's genetical

>captcha contains nhk

I dont know if I should laugh or be angry

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64d097 No.1028

>>1026

>I am currently looking into genetic researches for this my mother recently confessed that my father (as normal of a person as any at first glance) also has "erratic, antisocial" behaviors he had to treat in therapy every few years, and she was worried because I do a lot of the exact same things he did at my age.

Being hikikomori or anti-social in general isn't hereditary.

>Captcha contains nhk

What do you mean by this?? captcha isn't enabled on this board.

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afad4f No.1029

>>1028

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizotypal_personality_disorder

It's just something that I read that justifies to an extent the werid stuff I do, it says it might be hereditary so it's just a crazy possibility, something to kill time really

>captcha isn't enabled on this board.

global captcha

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64d097 No.1031

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

>>1029

> it says it might be hereditary

It's more of a problem in early human development because of early life experiences i think most of us on here know this as all of us on here have pretty much had it rough.

>Global captcha

Oh you're talking about the captcha where you gotta type every few hours okay i get it now that's strange but kinda funny at the same time that it contained nhk in it lol it must be a conspiracy.

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afad4f No.1034

>>1031

>all of us on here have pretty much had it rough

Other than rarely seeing my father, I had a normal life. Loving family, okay social opportunities, I just fucked up every single time at every opportunity I had, by my own fault. That's why I want to know what exactly is wrong with my head

Also that's an interesting video, thanks

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64d097 No.1036

>>1034

>that's an interesting video, thanks

No problem anon how long have you been a hikikomori??.

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afad4f No.1037

File: 8dcdba28bb45c87⋯.jpg (50.15 KB,380x380,1:1,8dcdba28bb45c87145ba7e1abc….jpg)

>>1036

I've spent two years as a hiki after finishing highschool. I tried college and I quickly became a hermit, lied to my parents the entire year. I tried a second year and it went the exact same way. I only left to buy basic food from the same corner store and to take out my mother when she visited

Now I am forced to live with my parents and to attend to to a 2 year degree, my mother knows one of the teachers so she can tell if I miss one class, she drives me there, I am practically a hostage, like a child. And well deserved, I would've stopped going to class already if it wasnt because I'd get kicked out of my house

If it wasnt for this, and the fact that I can spend all class hours without leaving my classroom, alone hiding in my laptop, alone on a corner like I was on my room, this would've been a third year

I know this is a ban, I seldom post anyways and I never talk about my life outside those 2 years. I lurk here just to see how people go through this situation and how to fix it if possible. I am afraid once I finish my degree and I am free I will end up a hikikomori again

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54711b No.1039

>>1026

Not to discourage you anon, but from my own personal experience anti-social behavior is not genetic. My dad is a huge people person. He talks to people all day long at his job, he gets along with people easily, and he has friends outside of work. My mom also socializes whenever she gets the chance. My mom uses the phone, text, facebook, and plenty of other shit to keep in contact with people. My sibling also have no trouble making friends or talking to people.

Then there's me, 25 years old, friendless, a virgin, and a hikikomori. I guess I may just be the 'black sheep' of my family. Still, if genetics play a huge role in social behavior, I wouldn't be as withdrawn as I am now. So I would say focus your research elsewhere.

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64d097 No.1050

>>1039

>. My dad is a huge people person. He talks to people all day long at his job, he gets along with people easily, and he has friends outside of work. My mom also socializes whenever she gets the chance. My mom uses the phone, text, facebook, and plenty of other shit to keep in contact with people. My sibling also have no trouble making friends or talking to people.

>Then there's me, 25 years old, friendless, a virgin, and a hikikomori. I guess I may just be the 'black sheep' of my family. Still, if genetics play a huge role in social behavior, I wouldn't be as withdrawn as I am now. So I would say focus your research elsewhere.

My family is like this as well.

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64d097 No.1051

>>1037

Sounds to me like you're a recovering hikki even though you're being forced to go back to school is it at least helping you get out of isolation??.

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28ba3a No.1052

I can't stand it anymore. 10 years and I can't get a job and other people don't understand. People are lucky that they get the help they need but I'm stuck in a pile of shit while being a shit person.

I just had a chat with someone recently about me and it's actually very depressing and I just got in a fight with my sister because she don't even understand why I'm in this goddamn lifestyle. Everything is just bullshit. I may sound like I'm edgy about this or whatever but I don't give a fuck anymore. Sure, I can't make friends because I have trouble making friends. It's only because if I open enough to them, I only get put down in return. I just can't fucking stand it anymore. I'm so depressed and at the same time I'm so angry at people and even myself. I want beat myself up until I bleed or better yet commit my life to end. This lifestyle is not good for anyone. Even if you fucking dipshits think it's the best, it isn't. It's absolutely not.

That hiki discord server really gave me a different impression on people and it's not better or worse. We're are no different like the others. No different at all. I'm struggling, I have social anixety, I have depression, I can't do what others can do like making friends so easily because I can't trust people online or in real life. I've been betrayed so many times and interacting with people is so fucking exhausting. How the fuck am I able to make friends if they can't be understanding enough. Talk about my hobby, get shit on because they're jealous. Talk about video games, get shit on because you suck or they don't like what you like. Talk about something they don't know and don't care but when they talk about something I know a little bit of it and take into consideration to learn about it more and I do fucking care. But I'm tired of being the one who has to be nice when they're a complete assholes. I can't get a job because I lack everything that's opposite of others who got one and continue of working on that job. I can't stand people and witnessing how bullshit they really are. Acting all positive, trying hard to be positive. Seriously, fucking please. You're not improving like that in a long run.

I'm a hikikomori because I can't function well as what you call them as, normalfags. Normies. People who can function so well, opposite hikikomori are the ones who shouldn't label/claim themselves as one. Just fuck off. You guys absolutely don't fucking understand what I'm going through and you guys don't even bother to care at all. Don't even fucking help as well. Do yourself a favor and don't offer to help if you don't want to fucking help. Dumb fucks. Man fuck people. Fuck everyone.

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64d097 No.1054

File: e69105f320141ad⋯.jpg (4.31 KB,300x168,25:14,sato2.jpg)

>>1052

>I can't stand it anymore. 10 years and I can't get a job and other people don't understand.

Board owner here also been hikki for 10 years almost 11 believe me i know how you feel when life and people constantly fuck you over there comes a time where you just give up and say you know what fuck it fuck you guys you're no help.

>I just had a chat with someone recently about me and it's actually very depressing and I just got in a fight with my sister because she don't even understand why I'm in this goddamn lifestyle

I can relate stuff like this use to happen to me a lot a few years back and still does sometimes.

>Im so depressed and at the same time I'm so angry at people and even myself. I want beat myself up until I bleed or better yet commit my life to end

I know that feel bro.

>This lifestyle is not good for anyone. Even if you fucking dipshits think it's the best, it isn't. It's absolutely not.

I can tell you nobody on this board thinks being a hikki is cool we all know it's not and that it is an unhealthy lifestyle even though there are some good things about being hikikomori anyway we know this because all of us on here have lived the lifestyle for a long time.

>That hiki discord server really gave me a different impression on people

I advise to stay away from the hikkichan Discord most of the people who use that aren't even hikikomoris in the first place there all normalfags from the NEET subreddit.

>Im a hikikomori because I can't function well as what you call them as, normalfags. Normies. People who can function so well,

I think most of us on here can relate to this.

>Fuck people Fuck everyone.

I know how you feel anon but hopefully /hikki/ can help you vent out some of your frustrations.

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28ba3a No.1066

>>1054

It sucks. To know there are people in this world who fuck you up in worse kind of ways. I'll admit, I've done things I'm not proud of either but that's all in the past. It's baffling that there are those who continue to do it. Especially those who got their shit together and turned themselves into a whole new person or something. I don't know how they change their mindset like that, it's weird.

I'm sick and tired of this shit, I really am. It's difficult to even try to get back into the system that everyone is doing a.k.a. turning into a normie and all. Then there are these fuck asses that tell it like it's simple. Easier said than done. Look at this. I'm so pathetic ranting out like this. I hate the feeling of guilt, anger, and sadness that's twisting inside of me. Around my chest and it fucking hurts to know that people are just fucking assholes.

Discord server was the worst experience I ever had. In terms of interacting with people online. Even though I've met a few people that I thought are alright, finding out how people operate is atrocious. Many of you may disagree and probably because you got a little bit better than I did with making friends but I just can't. I really can't fathom with people ever since. Conversations gone to waste with memespeak and nonsense topics that's not meaningful. It's why we all end up in this state of misery because none of us can't be real to each other. I understand most of you don't want to because of many reasons. Believe me, I'm right there as well. We're hikikomoris because of the social part is cruel. While it's interesting that there are a lot of people that spans across from one thing to another regarding interests and what not, it doesn't change the fact that there are others that puts you down for some fucking reason. I really don't care what you like or don't like. What I care is what kind of person you really are and if you're not at least a decent kind of person then fuck off. Fucking problem is people. Always people.

>>1055

> Even in co-op games others didn't enjoy playing with me because I was "too good".

Man I don't know what's up with that. When people stop playing with you. I play with them online and it would turn out to be fun but then later on, we no longer team up. I always feel like it's my fault because I did something stupid in the game or that I wasn't good enough to be a team player.

I asked if I can team up with these two and she just said that only both of them want to play together. Maybe next time. Yeah, sure next time. There's no next time. At least tell me that you don't want to play with me. I'd understand.

>Well anon 6 people say you did it, we have no proof, but we're going to suspend you anyway.

>It was the fucking QB and his group of friends that pinned it on me. I had recently joined the football team in an attempt to get /fit/ and make friends. I quit that day, it wouldn't have matter if I tried to stay on the team they would have cut me anyway due to this incident. I was the center, it was my job to protect that asshole, and he just constantly bullied me. He wasn't even good and the only reason he had the position was because his Dad was the leader of our booster club. I watched as a no-talent hack got to start as QB while a kid that was really good was never given a shot.

See this shit? This is what I'm trying to make my point. Fucking people operate the most atrocious shit ever. It all leads to unnecessary situations because of people and their connection with other people. Like a stupid ass hive mind or something. Again, problem is people.

>He is the only person I've ever trusted or can talk with openly. He comes and sees me all of the time and we play fighting games or just hang out shooting the shit. If not for him I would have ate a bullet a long time ago.

I envy you. When you have that serious connection with a true friend, it's all smooth sailing you know? The understanding and the sharing personal stuff from one another is legit. It's too bad these other fucks are catering themselves to no end and meme all the time.

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64d097 No.1070

File: 9be93b57beb1f86⋯.jpg (35.78 KB,511x428,511:428,1453698257273.jpg)

>>1066

>It sucks. To know there are people in this world who fuck you up in worse kind of ways.

Tell me about it.

>Discord server was the worst experience I ever had. In terms of interacting with people online

Same

>I really can't fathom with people ever since. Conversations gone to waste with memespeak

I know that feel bro i fucking can't stand memespeak it annoys the shit out of me all these edgy kids who think their so cool by talking a certain way that is part of the reason why i can't stand 4chan nowadays.

>I asked I can team up with these two and she just said that only both of them want to play together. Maybe next time. Yeah, sure next time. There's no next time. At least tell me that you don't want to play with me. I'd understand.

They sound like assholes.

>Fucking people operate the most atrocious shit ever. It all leads to unnecessary situations because of people and their connection with other people. Like a stupid ass hive mind or something. Again, problem is people.

Agreed.

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afad4f No.1073

>>1051

>is it at least helping you get out of isolation??

At the very least it does that, I guess. I got used to my classroom, but I have to enter/leave classroom really early or really late to avoid the choking crowds of people, and I come by car so I avoid all people on the way

I'm not getting any better though, I feel in a constant mental stress state, like i'm aways surrounded by people. I cant get any rest, even after 8 hours at home and sleeping hours I feel like I just left the classroom. Weekends are not enough, I desperately need to escape and hide to recover, it is a feeling that has been growing in my chest for the last few weeks

I have to push through this, if I overcome this feel and I manage to go every day to class/work without severe repercussions on my psyche, I will be cured of at least the hikikomori part

All my problems seem to dwarf when I come here though. I dont have the will to go through some of the stuff I'm reading here

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64d097 No.1074

>>1073

>At the very least it does that, I guess. I got used to my classroom, but I have to enter/leave classroom really early or really late to avoid the choking crowds of people

That's a good idea anon i too hate crowds as i am claustrophobic as fuck and also being around a lot of people would probably cause me to have an anxiety attack tbh.

>Im not getting any better though, I feel in a constant mental stress state, like i'm aways surrounded by people. I cant get any rest, even after 8 hours at home and sleeping hours I feel like I just left the classroom. Weekends are not enough, I desperately need to escape and hide to recover, it is a feeling that has been growing in my chest for the last few weeks

Well that's just because right now you're in a new unfamiliar environment but if you drop out and go back to being a hikki again i wouldn't blame you to be completely honest.

>If overcome this feel and I manage to go every day to class/work without severe repercussions on my psyche, I will be cured of at least the hikikomori part

Good luck anon.

>All my problems seem to dwarf when I come here though.

I know what you mean.

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64d097 No.1075

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

>>1034

> that's an interesting video, thanks

This is another good one.

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54711b No.1077

File: 4db589ffea13751⋯.jpg (28.98 KB,480x480,1:1,stealth 'moko.jpg)

>>1052

>>1066

Believe it or not, anon, I can closely relate to almost everything you said. A lot of us here can. I know just what it's like to not be able to trust anyone, to have trouble getting a job, to be treated like shit by people who have no idea what we go through. And believe me anon, no one here thinks being a hikikomori is wonderful, (well, maybe one or two) we just come here to talk to people like ourselves, who understand what this life is like.

>Conversations gone to waste with memespeak and nonsense topics that's not meaningful. It's why we all end up in this state of misery because none of us can't be real to each other

You're absolutely right about this. I can't stand it when I just want to have a normal conversation, and all the other person can do is water down every topic with fucking jokes and internet memes. It's impossible to have a real, meaningful conversation these days.

>>1073

I know what that's like. I attended college a year and a half ago, (I fell right back into the hikki life after gradutation) and although my classes only lasted for a few hours, it was still incredibly exhausting being around a group of people for that long. I end up putting all of my energy into looking inconspicuous, trying to hide in plain sight so no one notices me or tries to talk to me.

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822427 No.1081

>>1075

what does he try to prove in this lecture?

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87ebe8 No.1082

>>1077

>>1070

I'm tired of it. All of it. I don't know how others endure do it every day. I'm trying hard to not lose my sanity. I just woke up and I don't feel like doing anything and yet I gotta do something because I'm afraid to lose it. Knowing that you're nothing, a fucking loser in this world is tremendously depressing. Everything I do, it falters. Everything. I don't blame the people because they are fucking people. I actually blame myself for becoming like this. It is my fault that I end up with this lifestyle. I didn't bring myself to do what it is needed to be done and I make a lot of stupid shit excuses. But I don't care anymore. I feel like it's all too late for me. I'm gonna be 30 years old in a couple of months and I hate to go for another year with this lifestyle and I hate try and try to get back into the society when failure will just be at my door for sure. Fuck life. Fuck this universe. Fuck this reality.

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67906b No.1086

>>1081

>what does he try to prove in this lecture?

That we as a species are social creatures and are not meant to be isolated for a long time.

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67906b No.1096

File: 94ca6cd026ef287⋯.jpg (44.13 KB,635x473,635:473,1469417019421.jpg)

>>1077

> I can't stand it when I just want to have a normal conversation, and all the other person can do is water down every topic with fucking jokes and internet memes. It's impossible to have a real, meaningful conversation these days.

Tell me about it i absolutely agree with you anon it's like people have forgotten how to have normal conversation, and instead think everything is a fucking joke these days.

>I attended college a year and a half ago, (I fell right back into the hikki life after gradutation) and although my classes only lasted for a few hours, it was still incredibly exhausting being around a group of people for that long. I end up putting all of my energy into looking inconspicuous, trying to hide in plain sight so no one notices me or tries to talk to me.

I was kinda in a similar situation in late 2012- early 2013 i tried to get out of the hikki life by going to college and trying to make something of myself in the beginning i was doing pretty well for myself at the time hell even made a couple friends and got a gf as well but college work was stressful and caused me a lot of anxiety sometimes i would leave the class and go hide in the bathroom or just sit on the stairs and just think like why the hell am i even doing this?? and in the background people and life kept fucking me over at the time my friends i made at the time did eventually abandon me and my parents were angry with me for not having a job and i told them i was gonna try and find one after i finish college but they weren't pleased with that and thus lots more drama was happening in my family home hell i remember this one time they told me i wasn't a very good person to live with so with college work being stressful and my family drama at home taking its toll on me i dropped out and went back to hikki life and withdrew from society once more and shortly after that my gf at the time cheated on me so that was over i really tried to change my life around and instead all i got was shit thrown back in my face i completely regret ever trying to get out of the hikki life i thought i could do it but i just can't at this point i have accepted that i will probably live this way forever and die early. fuck people and fuck society.

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692fd6 No.1117

>>1086

meh

nothing new for me

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67906b No.1160

>>1117

>meh

>nothing new for me

Same

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67906b No.1286

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

>>1029

> it says it might be hereditary

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c4c6cd No.1287

File: 4fbd6fac24ff87b⋯.jpg (27.18 KB,640x601,640:601,4fbd6fac24ff87b7755c6ff27f….jpg)

>>1086

>>1081

I think it only makes the situation we're in more pressing, frankly. We're biologically programmed to seek companionship and yet still we forewent socializing because society is

THAT FUCKING DISGUSTING

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67906b No.1288

>>1287

>I think it only makes the situation we're in more pressing, frankly. We're biologically programmed to seek companionship and yet still we forewent socializing because society is

>THAT FUCKING DISGUSTING

Agreed

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84b0b5 No.1292

>>1287

Absolutely true. These are very distressing times we live in.

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ec5a4d No.1296

>>1287

>crave human contact and a social life sometimes because i am a human being

>go outside or try and better myself

>get humiliated or see something that makes me want to pull out a tec-9

>no longer want human contact or a social life

the perpetual cycle

In my final attempt to be a normalfag i tried joining the Army and spent 3 months on base in BCT before getting booted for mental instability. I recommend it to other hikkis because it will destroy any real desire to want to be around people or truly hate yourself for being a burden. I genuinely went in wanting to do something good for the world, boiled down to maybe wanting to be a merc after my contract is up, came out hating the US military and everything it stands for and realizing none of this is worth protecting. Better to just stay in my room and ignore what normalfags are doing. They are going to do whatever they are going to do and i don't need to be a part of it.

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67906b No.1299

File: b4551eac982ad5e⋯.png (194.09 KB,1263x315,421:105,Screenshot_3.png)

>>1287

>>1292

>>1296

Do you think pic related is right?? could there be an increase in hikkis in the next few decades??.

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d9bb3e No.1300

>>1299

It wouldn't even take all those reasons for more hikikomori to appear. All it takes is an overabundance of resources that permits them to live in such seclusion in the first place. The same applies to any old world hermit, if they can't find a place with sufficient natural resources to fulfill the needs of everyday life, then they can't remain a hermit as they'll be forced out or die. I'm well aware that if I didn't live in a country of such abundance I'd have probably died years ago.

On top of that there's too many fucking people, the world population is booming so every demographic will see a natural increase in overall numbers. Humanity needs another bigass war or an incredibly resilient epidemic to reduce the population because normal people sure as shit aren't going to stop churning out kids anytime soon. Atleast china maintained their one child policy for a while, it's a pity they didn't continue it forever.

tl;dr Yes there'll be an increase.

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67906b No.1301

>>1300

If an increase in reclusive people in the west does happen maybe places outside Japan like the US. will start taking social withdrawal and hikikomoriism seriously.

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c4c6cd No.1303

File: fbca674641ab4c0⋯.jpg (92.71 KB,1280x720,16:9,39a3f98ba3918c1e4a4693eaf8….jpg)

>>1299

The world will become more divided on grounds of idpol, and people will lose out on friends increasingly more. Blacks will hate whites, women will hate men, gays will hate straights and vice versa, so on, so fourth.

Families are now breaking apart on grounds of politics and a lot of folks will end up alone as a result. Companionship will become hard to find for even some more shy people, and it'll only get worse.

I think that'll spawn more hikkis. Not that much more, but more. But when waifubots and such concepts become more realized, there will be a much bigger boom of hikkikomorism.

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ec5a4d No.1305

>>1299

No, he's describing the "manchild" trend which has nothing to do with hikki. Though there will be more hikkis because of the increasing breakdown of social bonds. Schools are bigger, friends are disposable, family has no meaning anymore. But this will only effect people who are already predisposed to being outcasts. Not that long ago you could be the quite one at work but people still knew you and you still knew them. People would take an interest in the community's well being from a personal viewpoint and make a point to at least know your name. But now we're at a point where our own families will not take interest in us even if we live with them. Normalfags might feel this but they're not going to fall down a psychological rabbit hole that then becomes a hikki life.

>>1303

Identity politics is a symptom, not the cause of community breakdown. I don't know what the cause really is but idpol is an attempt to find what they're missing through the most vapid aspects of it.

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67906b No.1322

>>1305

> there will be more hikkis because of the increasing breakdown of social bonds. Schools are bigger, friends are disposable, family has no meaning anymore. But this will only effect people who are already predisposed to being outcasts. Not that long ago you could be the quite one at work but people still knew you and you still knew them. People would take an interest in the community's well being from a personal viewpoint and make a point to at least know your name. But now we're at a point where our own families will not take interest in us even if we live with them. Normalfags might feel this but they're not going to fall down a psychological rabbit hole that then becomes a hikki life.

This is so true.

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c3dcce No.1482

>>935

>>1012

Both are half truth, half lie.

To some it work.

To others don't

Some do self-help lectures as a way to help others

Some use self-help lectures as a way to scam others

>>1017

People that read cards and astral-whatnot and claim to see the future also fit in your description but using mysticism to hook the believers.

Welcome to the NHK has a good example, the piramid scam, but instead of making people in debt, you trick them into workshiping you and they will help you trick others, so on, so forth.

Also to Religion fall into this in some degree and circumstances.

Morality is a subjective standar to judge things by: one person, culture, society might condemn inhuman treatment, other use it as a way to enforce law, others to enforce subjugation, then there's always the ones that fully accept it because they genuinely are in favor of it or enjoy it.

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2598a5 No.1488

>>728

Kids do that. In primary school I used to be ostracized and called "poor" even though I was middle class. It used to hurt a lot and growing up, I didn't want to touch with other kids' gadgets because I was afraid that I wasn't "worthy" or that I'd break them and I'd have no way of paying them back.

Man that fucked me up for a long time. Imagine trust issues from 7 years old.

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67906b No.1489

>>1488

They were probably just some edgy asshole kids who think death and murder are funny.

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84b0b5 No.1490

>>1488

>In primary school I used to be ostracized and called "poor" even though I was middle class

I know that feel. I was never specifically teased or bullied, but I would always look around and see other kids with nice things that I didn't have. Sometimes they wore nicer clothes while I had hand-me-downs, or played with neat new gadgets that I had never seen before. Even when I went to other kids' houses for parties and the like, they had nicer houses, where everything inside looked expensive. Their families seemed a lot nicer too. The things I had growing up weren't bad, and I was never poor, but I remember feeling like I was always a step behind the other kids. Eventually, I stopped trying to live up to the image that I saw when I looked at them, and just accepted myself as a misfit.

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2598a5 No.1509

>>1489

No, they were normie kids who have grown into adult normies today. Not edgy at all and back in the day had the most normie hobbies (playstation, gameboy, pokemon cards, playing basketball and soccer) I didn't do any of those. Kids don't have to be edgy to be bullies. And imagine that was just in 1st grade. It set the tone for the rest of my schooling.

>>1490

I was always insecure and nervous until I graduated high school. I had friends during school hours but I could never really hang out outside because I didn't have a car to go or stuff to play with. So at the start I was situationally outcast. And then as I grew older, it led into being outcast with my other remaining friends with weird hobbies.

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67906b No.1510

>>1509

> at the start I was situationally outcast. And then as I grew older, it led into being outcast with my other remaining friends with weird hobbies.

I know that feel bro this also happened to me.

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84b0b5 No.1520

>>1509

>I had friends during school hours but I could never really hang out outside because I didn't have a car

High school was like that for me as well. I had a few friends that I would talk to during school, but I rarely hung out with them outside of that. After I dropped out, I only had one friend left. He had a car, so he would pick me up and we would hang out from time to time. As time passed, we hung out less and less, grew apart, and eventually stopped hanging out at all. After that, I had no more reason to go out at all, and became a hikikomori for the first time.

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655671 No.1536

>>1300

>All it takes is an overabundance of resources that permits them to live in such seclusion in the first place. The same applies to any old world hermit, if they can't find a place with sufficient natural resources to fulfill the needs of everyday life, then they can't remain a hermit as they'll be forced out or die.

Pretty much this. It's basic human survival and reward behavior. In conditions of abundance, it's damn hard and takes a lot of effort to "do more", AKA not just "survive and thrive" because there is little to no incentive to do anything else.

That said, there is a cult(ure) of "productivity" and "being busy" so instead of NEETs and hikkis being satisfied with a self-sustaining lifestyle (talking about those who can die hikkis and not starve/poor), they are ostracized even more, leading to depression and a host of other mental disorders. This actually lowers their incentive to "give back" to society even more, so they are less likely to accomplish stuff as well.

>>1303

>>1305

>Though there will be more hikkis because of the increasing breakdown of social bonds. Schools are bigger, friends are disposable, family has no meaning anymore.

>But now we're at a point where our own families will not take interest in us even if we live with them. Normalfags might feel this but they're not going to fall down a psychological rabbit hole that then becomes a hikki life.

It's really interesting seeing (presumably) Westerners talking about the degrading social conditions of their countries like this, which are supposedly the most civilized of the world. I mean, I see the worst of the effects of degenerate snowflake SJWs on the internet (and have felt some of their effects, like the SJW head of youtube and their censorship of wrongthink), but still those types of conditions (widespread commoditization of relationships, breakdown of the family unit, victimhood culture, etc.) are nearly alien here in SE Asia. Progressivism really is a disease that erodes a functioning society's foundations.

The more modern cities here in SE Asia (from my experience) have already started to feel the effects of modern-day liberalism and progress for progress' sake, though, because of the west's influence through the internet and such. So Asia's degeneration may not be too far off from today. Govt assisted hikkis won't be a thing for some time though, since countries here aren't that industrialized yet to be able to afford such social programs.

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57de0e No.1552

>>1536

It's not really even SJW snowflake culture, that's just a symptom of people feeling like they have no home anymore. But they're buying further into the degradation. The average american normalfag, especially the lower classes where i come from, have no familial bonds anymore and they don't know why. The lot of them just want to watch Netflix or football but increasingly that pseudo-contentment is being shaken. I mean that's where the alt-right came from. You get all these young men who don't have a future and then have all their outlets contaminated and ruined. I used to be really into all this but realized i don't really care and couldn't do anything because i'm a damaged hikki who can't even drive a car. Point is, western society is broken from a fundamental standpoint and it's been a long time coming.

>SE Asia

I think you guys are fine though. Yeah there's a lot of shitty modern culture, but every time i see interviews or statistics nothing seems to be wrong there. All the degenerate shit seems to be very surface level. You don't actually have much foreign influence besides media. The real problem with Asia in general is fucking China. Especially after Mao that whole population is this toxic cesspit of pollution low trust attitudes. They're nigger tier people with the agency to sustain themselves. They have a very fucked up culture and government , and it would only take one more serious leader to take control and and hit the chaos button on the whole world. I honestly believe China is the greatest threat on the planet. Not even Russia and the U.S. combined could stop them if they went totally balls out economically and militarily. They're like an enormous hive of insects festering in this part of the world that nobody talks about.

What part of SE Asia are you in? My dad grew up in Singapore when my grandpa was working for an oil company and i hear that country is really cool now.

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655671 No.1555

>>1552

>It's not really even SJW snowflake culture, that's just a symptom of people feeling like they have no home anymore. But they're buying further into the degradation. The average american normalfag, especially the lower classes where i come from, have no familial bonds anymore

Ahh, I didn't take the lower class conditions into account because stuff about that side isn't that prominent on the internet. The closest thing I've seen a lot are those commie SJWs who want to kill and redistribute the rich or something, but others have criticized them saying that those SJWs themselves are living lives of luxury compared to the actual poor working class who don't even have the luxury nor time for complaining.

>SE Asia

Singapore is pretty nice and civilized but I don't live there. It was quite hot there, though. I live in one of the "developing countries" in SE Asia. As for the problems here, it's stuff like the power and control of drug cartels, widespread govt corruption, bad infrastructure, and lots of violent crime.

So yeah, people here still don't really have that culture of victimhood and complaining about trivial things like that X is sexist or bigoted, etc. because there are actual serious problems that have yet to be addressed unlike in the most civilized places in western countries where it seems that some just want to feel the most oppressed because of every little thing.

>China

Yes, I've seen mainland chinese in other countries and I've seen their rude behavior firsthand. It's understandable that they have a rep of being the worst tourists of any country. They aren't much of a problem here, and as for China the country, no one in SE Asia can really do anything about it so from what I see we just accept whatever. I don't think their culture is much of a problem though, since it's not like they're raring to immigrate, and to SE Asia of all places.

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25990a No.1557

File: 0a33d9f6bcc92c4⋯.jpg (18.31 KB,400x300,4:3,Lwz7H.jpg)

>Be homeschooled for entire life in a strict religious family who wasn't afraid to tell a child not even old enough to read that praying wrong, expressing anger, or teasing your siblings makes you literally evil & straying from God

>Be so isolated socially & via media (pokemon is Satan, cable TV is too expensive) that even other homeschool kids think I'm a freak, especially because my little siblings had to follow me everywhere lest things be unfair to them

>Get 0 education past 5th grade level due to parents growing impatient with my stupidity/parents being ill. For 'graduation,' I got a diploma printed out from clipart

>Live on the edge of poverty level entire life

>Any friends managed to attain along the way eventually leave when they realize I have nothing to offer

>Was always too weak to do sports or even play tag due to undiagnosed asthma recently discovered

>Find out at 19 I'm depressed & have anxiety disorder when I try & fail to gather the balls to apply for colleges & jobs

>Several yrs later I find out I'm a paranoid schizophrenic

>Try best to be transparent about it with friends so they aren't afraid, but they are, & leave

>Be gay, but repulsed by any sort of touch or affection because I don't feel human

>Make up imaginary male waifu to take care of me in my mind & use as outlet for the affection I have to give that has nowhere to go

>Only be aroused by 3D people when they are dead or being violently tortured, so out of fear for becoming another schizo statistic, I view my imaginary waifu as my savior from going to jail or some shit

>Be afraid of hospitalization due to being abused & witnessing how little the people there care about the crazies when I did go

>Knows my existence ruins the lives of others just by being in it, so removes myself from world for their sakes

I've tried to recover from Hikkihood & failed multiple times. Nobody has the patience to stick around for someone with so little to offer, & I can only do so much alone. I'm aware that this is all on me, not them, so I hate myself over hating the normies. I don't blame anyone for feeling differently, though. Humans are pretty awful, but I still think I'm invading space I have no business being in if I criticize them.

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57de0e No.1559

>>1555

>lower class stuff

Eh, there's that for sure, but what i'm trying to describe is that the lower class is the most susceptible to this breakdown. Middle and upper class still has a culture of giving a shit about community to some degree, and they have the ability to move to better areas. Plus the upper middle class trust fund kid SJW is mostly a meme. Sure the "intellectuals" fit into that category but that's true of any intellectual class. When you really look at the people falling for the shit, it's poor people, and nowadays everybody goes to college because anyone can get a loan for it. The upper classes actually don't spend that much time watching TV as they money to do shit. The electric jew works best on the poor.

>I live in one of the "developing countries" in SE Asia

>lots of violent crime

What country? I don't know tons about the east but this seems weird.

>>1557

>>Be gay, but repulsed by any sort of touch or affection because I don't feel human

>>Be afraid of hospitalization due to being abused & witnessing how little the people there care about the crazies when I did go

I know these feels, anon. Though it's always weird for me to hear about overbearing parents causing this because i'm the total opposite, my parents basically didn't exist other than to feed me and emotionally abuse me. Good luck with the schizophrenic stuff, i fear i'm right behind you with that shit.

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e04921 No.1560

File: b7ad05da443bc78⋯.png (6.84 KB,225x225,1:1,images.png)

>>1557

>>Be afraid of hospitalization due to being abused & witnessing how little the people there care about the crazies when I did go

I know that feel bro back in 2014 my mom brought me to the hospital because she didn't like me sitting at home in my room 24/7 i was in the psych ward for 3 months with a bunch of normalfags who all ganged up on me and treated me like shit while i was in there and after i got out my mom kicked me out of the house and i was moved to a group home and all i did was go back to being a hikikomori and now the other people i live with never see me obviously.

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57de0e No.1566

>>1560

living the nightmare

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e04921 No.1568

File: 0be53272d877064⋯.jpg (52.81 KB,674x511,674:511,hikikomori meme.jpg)

>>1566

>living the nightmare

Yes i am actually i think everyone who browses this board is too well the people who are not happy being hikikomori i suppose.

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Post last edited at

7a0b3d No.3609

File: 4745f0a4c17bd57⋯.png (259.29 KB,555x418,555:418,hikikomori depressed.png)

>>1052

>I'm a hikikomori because I can't function well

Same here i can't function well in society nor live up to its expectations i tried many times to keep up with everyone else but in the end i failed because it was too stressful.

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a6daae No.3615

File: edb03f354bfda47⋯.jpg (321.95 KB,960x540,16:9,iamtheultimaterobot.jpg)

>was already an schizoid slacker with social anxiety at 13 (potentially an aspie as well)

>develop metabolic body odor disorder during puberty https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trimethylaminuria

>can have perfect hygiene and still smell bad.

>only thing that helped decrease symptoms of TMAU was starvation

>mentally check the fuck out and drop out from HS

>Treatment for TMAU is limited and unsuccessful for many people. Have read accounts of people dealing with it for their whole life; spending thousands of dollars on special diets, supplements, and medical tests.

>some people have limited success, only for symptoms to come back later

>can't get on neetbux because it isn't recognized as a disability

I've spent half of my conscious life being crippled with debilitating anxiety and depression. It's left me almost comatose at times, reduced to being unable to do anything except mindlessly browse the internet. This and being constantly worried that my dad could drop dead of a heart attack (he's 60, extremely overweight, and doesn't care at all about trying to improve his health)has left me unable to enjoy neetdom very much at all.

There's this scenario I've envisioned that terrifies me:

>dad dies

>forced to get out of needom

>use inheritance money (who the fuck knows, maybe the insurance company would find some bullshit reason to deny me) to go to college and study IT/CS

>all the while being humiliated and having my dignity crushed by normies

>fail college because of depression/i'm a brainlet at writing essays/can't get a job because market is over saturated

>even if i get a job, i'm still stuck with TMAU.

>or i do find a way to cure it, but it involves a restrictive diet that leaves me as a zombie without any energy.

>use my last savings to purchase psychedelics because fuck it and Nembutal to finally KMS

So there's a chance that the last years of my life will involve me spending tens of thousands of dollars and 4-5 years just for A CHANCE of getting an opportunity to slave away, all the while suffering through the living nightmare that is TMAU.

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a6daae No.3619

Hopefully my dad stays alive long enough for me to get my degree. I'd finally be able to just detach myself from all worries, knowing that if he dies and im still cursed with this affliction, i can use the inheritance to live out my last few years in peace without any fear or anxiety of having to deal with people ever again. funny right? attainment of inner peace after having abandoned all hope

lucking out on crypto or getting a remote job would be ideal, though.

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4aee36 No.3644

>>113

I couldn't have described the intricacies of this (my) situation any better than you did in your write up. A way to look at it alternatively can be that even the most driven and highly praised "individuals" in this life have lived vicariously through the likes of their own favorite actors, artists and family at one point or another. What begins as a sort of emulated or artificial confidence in youth often evolves and grows with ones identity into it's own brand of inherited strength. This process rarely see's itself through properly however as it can't account for the vast amount of emotional and psychological hurdles/traumas that many of us are inevitably put through while developing our sense of self. I can say without a doubt that my broken home contributed to creating the spineless and emotionally unavailable "adult" I am today. Those experiences set a deep inferiority complex under my skin and leave me feeling perpetually alone and misfitted whether in the warmest of company (in the past) or the most memorable of places all throughout my life. These feelings led me down the depression rabbit hole fairly early on and spawned many a binge drinking session in an effort to dull that weaker half that keeps my heart and mind anchored to the ground. Obviously didn't work, in fact it lost me my last job around 8 months ago. I'm aware of the steps necessary to drag myself out of this apartment, but i'm far too afraid of people at this point as well as the likelihood of any income allowing me to slip back into bad habits because i'm still very much the same miserable bastard, if not even more so.

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ea6247 No.3672

>>3644

Interesting the way you describe growing up, training the self defense mechanism (ego), the identity. We form a rationalization to defend an imaginary position that we find ourself in. I would suggest that: if you change the story, you can change the heading of (your) life. By stepping outside of your comfort zone. Reimagine the self in a new setting without all of the problems, ineffective behaviors, difficult people, the ones that are to difficult to deal with just eliminate them from the picture, etcetera. No alcohol or substances that interfere with brain function, step back from yourself and be a witness, watch what the mind suggests and say no to anything bad, ignore the emotion, and feelings of inferiority until new patterns of behavior are well established. Do not punish the self, love and accept who you are and make small changes everyday until you become what you think you should be, you will find a comfortable spot and know when to stop.

take care :)

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7f1385 No.3792

>>3609

society is a spook

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7a0b3d No.3881

>>3792

>society is a spook

I really wish that were the case.

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b3e860 No.3884

>>97

In its most abstract, it's a question of whether surrounding yourself with the wrong people is as good, better, or worse than with no one at all. Here's the more concrete, personal answer:

What someone means by "wrong people" is subjective, of course, but for me, being ambitious and always holding lofty ideals for my life, "wrong" is anyone who holds me back from achieving my goals, or anyone I simply dislike. I'm somewhat of a narcissist and consider myself better than most people, and combining that with the fact that I want to be surrounded by my equals and my betters, I opt out of society.

Problem is, society didn't exactly like that, so I couldn't make it into any universities except for one whose math program was filled with mindless, brainless normies who heard from a counselor or career fair that an actuary is someone with a math degree that makes a lot of money. I graduated high school early a year and a half prior (January 2016), and spent the time from then to uni either locking myself in my room or going to work at the behest of my loving father. Turns out service-based work isn't something I'm good at. Turns out that 17/18-year-old high school grad can't get more technical, "asocial" work. Anyway, flash forward to uni and I spend a week deciding whether to be amused or annoyed at the student population; I opt for the latter. After locking myself in my dorm for 2 months, I drop out just before I get straight Fs on my record, and a few months more of bouncing between houses and shutting myself in my room, here we are. Just 3 weeks before my 19th birthday, just 2 weeks after the 2nd anniversary of going full hiki. The future: going from sister's to nana's, ultimatum being that I must be "gainfully employed," and hopefully I'll find somewhere that'll let me fuck off and do my own thing for money. In the meantime I'm learning programming since it's one of the few technical fields that doesn't really need schooling if you're brilliant enough, though I'd much rather be a mathematician. Gotta make compromises somewhere, I suppose.

Bear in mind that I didn't talk about my early childhood, my mom being a drug addict, or my earlier disdain for my peer groups, since I don't want to speculate on my admittedly-horrid autobiographical memory. At least I can say with confidence that my dad was right all along, even if it feels like it's too late and the self-afflicted damage has already been done.

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2f7322 No.3951

File: 51130da7c6e6dde⋯.png (44.23 KB,147x237,49:79,1515300910747.png)

>>97

I've been sick since I was young, couldn't really join society to begin with. Was a hikkikomori for most of my life because of this.

Eventually my mother helped me get better, I worked my way into getting a job at a gas station.

That quickly taught me that no matter how amazing I become, there's no hope for these people, I'd rather just be comfy at home.

I'm the only extroverted hikkikomori on this board.

also the few years i was in school lots of drama and bullying, people love to pick on the weak. too bad i always fought back and got suspended.

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2f7322 No.3953

>>765

this

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7a0b3d No.3957

>>3951

>extroverted hikikomori

That sounds like an oxymoron.

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2f7322 No.3958

File: c253c5b8efecef2⋯.png (733.4 KB,760x839,760:839,1496354634445.png)

>>3957

Such is my life.

It really just means I want to be social and like people, but me and current society are just incompatible.

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193ca4 No.3967

>>3951

>>3958

How long were you at home until you got that gas station job anon??.

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ef82fb No.4063

File: 05f9ec6a2695687⋯.jpg (325.24 KB,1920x1080,16:9,skullkid1.jpg)

life-story wall of text inc, wanted to get this off of my chest, feel free to ignore. i included the essential outline but left out lots of stuff due to not wanting to write too much. if it's not okay for this board feel free to delete. k body was too long, so this'll be part1.

>had soft, feminine voice way longer than any other boys

>had feminine figure and face and got confused for a girl alot due to voice + figure

>move around alot

>only child

>despite this, still had a few friends

>get made fun of alot, especially by girls

>parents buy me an n64 as a gift a few months after it came out, 3rd or 4th grade, second console after snes

>start playing lots of vidya

>start playing yugioh

>get fat

>girls make fun of me even more

>ditch yugioh for mtg

>have two "friends" now, one of whom makes fun of me themselves alot and are twofaced, the other is an asshole in general, are only ever nice to me when we're alone and even that's iffy

>8th grade comes

>move again during summer between 7th and 8th grade, this time to a 90% mexican area because poor

>no friends

>everyone thinks i'm weird because at this point i rarely say more than a single sentence during an entire week of school

>5ft10 and 210~lbs so girls are repulsed by my existance

>join chess club, meet a good friend named david over our common love of morrowind

>start looking at more and more perverted porn, mostly reading ero fiction rather than watching

>9th grade comes (schools in this area were 7th-8th-9th in one school and 10th-11th-12th at the actual highschool)

>abandon the games i loved playing for world of fucking warcraft, which i will immensely regret later on

>chess club ceases to exist in 9th grade due to not enough members

>constantly depressed

>porn i read gets even more fucked up

>david and me talk online all the time in spite of living within 15 minutes walk mostly due to laziness, plus he was smart enough to avoid WoW

>10th grade comes

>stll confused for a girl occasionally, but not as often

>surprisingly make a friend immediately over both of us playing WoW

>meet second friend randomly by each of us sitting nearby eachother alone at school breakfast

>meet third friend who's a DM for a group of dnd players

>said DM is also a homosexual furry but i let it slide

>start playing dnd with them

>discover DXM

>start using it fairly often, once a week bare mnimum

>shoplift very frequently, hitting up almost all the stores in my area for the sweet, sweet tussin

>grades plummet

>fucked-upness of the porn i read gets even worse

>begin losing a bit of weight

>stop playing WoW for awhile

>11th grade comes

>dad dies

>mom breaks down mentally

>using dxm once a day at this point, unless i'm unable to procure any

>discover tor and the silk road

>get powder dxm, as well as some lsd

>get job at subway (sandwiches, not transportation system)

>browsing a marxist forum and see that a banned user had posted a list of jewish members of the bolshevik party at the time of the revolution

>'wtf'

>research the jewish question

>'hitler did nothing wrong'

>fail to integrate any political-philosophical learnings into my everyday life of a perverted, tussin-chugging piece of shit

>continue shoplifting

>continue reading extremely perverted ero fiction

>dxm use goes up in frequency even more after dad's death

>12th grade comes

>find out i have a full-ride scholarship to arizona state, incl. dorms n shit, due to being a poorfag, in spite of my 2.9GPA and me being a fucking white male

>dnd group drifts apart

>my longtime friend david ghosts me, literally refusing to speak with no explanation, years later he messaged me saying he did it because i was being a clingy friend

>quit job at subway due to 'lol scholarship peace out bruv'

>immediately regret quitting subway due to no more money for anything

>choose chemistry as my major

>have to take an online test to be able to skip pre-calc and go straight into calc, as i was a shitty student and only in trig

>have friend help me with the test

>start college, move into dorms at ASU

>dorm i'm in is two rooms containing two students, connected by a shared bathroom

>no roomate for my room due to the heavens smilling upon me and also maybe there wasn't enough students for that dorm

>still play WoW a bit, a few months playing, quit, then again, etc

>finally quit WoW for good tho

>major in chemistry is hard, my motivation that i expected to come to me isn't there also dxm still an everyday thing

>fail calculus

>get job at a grocery store

>retake in spring semester

>fail it again

>drop out, well still lived in dorms but stopped going to most classes, only kept going to two classes which is the minimum to not get kicked out of dorms

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ef82fb No.4064

File: bf2b20a709d3aa2⋯.png (478.46 KB,798x434,57:31,skullkidending1.png)

>>4063

k here's part2.

>one of my coworkers at grocery store is renting a room

>is actually renting 1/3 of a room as said room already has 2 others renting, but fuck it i'm desperate

>don't get my name on lease due to said desperation for a place

>meet dude named bob, pretty cool guy and also into teh durgs

>the coworker renting to us and her jewish friend/roommate kick bob and me out with 12 hours notice due to the yid inheriting money from his dad or some such shit and thus not needing us

>get coworker who kicked us out fired, revenge is nice when it goes smoothly

>bob and me decide to pool our money and get an apartment so we don't become homeless

>bob's girlfriend lets us stay with her (she lived in same complex as the place we were planning to rent), as the apt. wasn't ready for 30 days

>every going good

>bob's gf dumps him lolgg

>bob loses his job because he's the only white dude at the place he works and apparently one of the workers ten thousand cousins needed a job more

>we rent room to dude we find on craigslist

>he steals our rent money, spends it on booze then gets himself arrested for disorderly conduct or smth.

>i lose job shortly thereafter due to bullshit

>we become homeless

>still shoplifting, still chuggin that tussin

>still a bit overweight but not too bad

>my university username/password still works so i spend most of my tme on the uni library computers

>meet bunch of other young homeless folks

>been arrested a few times by this point for shoplifting and trespassing charges

>decide to move to spokane, washington

>save up money from spare changing

>get greyhound tickets

>bus stops a few times, including once in salt lake city, utah

>take a nap at the salt lake station, wake up and my backpack is gone

>fuckmylife

>see a bike by itself with no lock and no one nearby

>hop on and start riding north

>tires eventually give out

>hitchhike on an overpass for 2 days, sleeping in nearby park

>near end of 2nd day, dude offers me a ride

>end up about 80 miles north, in some city whose name i can't remember

>steal a bunch of shit from a walmart with the knowledge that i'll never come back to this city, incl. backpack, sleeping bag, clothes, and a bike

>eventually get more greyhound tickets to spokane

>morning of the bus's departure comes, i only have $10 to my name and the stuff in my bag, so i go into a gas station, get a water cup, put soda into it, and walk out

>she calls cops, i get arrested, 30 days time for soda in a watercup, no mention of stolen stuff from walmart so yay

>other dudes in the jail give me nickname 'sodapop'

>lol

>get out, exchange tickets for up to date tickets, then hop on bus a few hours later

>arrive in spokane, it's mid-november

>have $5 in my pocket

>walk around for awhile, look for a place to crash

>see two other hobos

>"any shelters in the area?" "yeah, a mission up the road" "ty"

>get to the mission the next day, stay there a month, playing chess with other hobos all day

>almost everyone at the mission is middle-aged or later

>still dxm very often

>month later, ask some of the other homeless folks who're my age why they don't stay at the mission

>"mission is full of pedos, check out the child offender registry bro" "damn son"

>start reading books alot again, almost entirely politics, philosophy, religion, history

>leave the mission, crash with a few dudes and a chick in a fort under a bridge near two of the colleges (there was gonzaga university and one of the state colleges next to eachother)

>fort is made of wooden pallets and tarps, but there's lanterns inside and it's warm

>snow falling heavily around this time

>do other homeless stuff, make some good friends

>i'm no longer shy with talking to others mostly, altho i'm still terrified of showing any romantic interest in girls due to 0 selfesteem and awkwardness

>we start a tent village along the spokane river

>authorities turn a blind eye for the entirety of winter and only evict us when summer comes which was nice

>we, btw about 20 of us total who live together, move into the woods, about an hours walk to get into town

>by this point i'm no longer fat, actually healthy and in good shape

>no longer get mistaken for a girl, am now just an ugly dude

>more shoplifting and tussin

>meanwhile, i talk to my mom on the phone, apparently she's living with her current boyfriend, says i can come stay with them

>no thanks, i'm fine

>fakes being terminally ill in the hospital to get me to come home

>go to seattle for a few months before heading to arizona, it sucks ass

>back in arizona, she's not in the best health but not 1/100th as bad as she said it was

>whatever

>eventually get a cheap laptop from the pawnshop

>living indoors is pretty nice

>2.5 years since i moved back to arizona

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ef82fb No.4065

File: 098783c8c018e05⋯.jpg (106.53 KB,823x970,823:970,zelda-mm-deku-transformati….jpg)

>>4064

and here's part3, last one.

>not shoplifting anymore

>no job yet, no relationships no friends, i should have fucking stayed in washington

>leave the house to get groceries and shit, but other than that at home on the comp

>eventually stop using dxm, only drug i use now is the caffeine in coffee and, once a month or so, having some vodka

>sitting on my fatass instead of walking around with a heavy backpack, eating junkfood and regular meals instead of one small meal a day at best makes me gain weight, who knew

>about 40lbs overweight at present day

>laptop isn't good, but it's enough to play games like morrowind, starcraft 1, guildwars 1, lots of gba/n64 emulations, etc

>played about 5k hours of dota2 since i came back also, before finally putting that piece of shit soulsucking game behind me

>got into an online relationship, if you can call it that, it was real to me anyway, but yeah online relationship with this girl

>whole thing was a joke to her, laughed at me and talked spent more time with others in one day than she spent with me in a week towards the end of it

>fuck it, can't do irl relationships, can't do online ones, gg life go end

>haven't left my room for anything other than groceries and other supplies for a couple years now

>reminisce about how nice my life was when i was in spokane

>nowadays i just fap, play vidya, watch shows, fap some more

>planning on getting a job, gathering supplies, then going to live in the woods again, most likely by myself this time tho

lots more happened but that's the gist of it. in the planning stages of getting a job (still need to actually apply, but yeah), then gonna go live in the woods and learn supernatural abilities and conquer the world. or get mauled to death by a bear. one or the other.

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7a0b3d No.4066

>>4063

>>4064

>>4065

Interesting story anon.

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9612c5 No.4098

>>4066

I second this, thank you for your story anon.

Have you ever thought of visiting your homeless friends again? I wonder what they are doing today and if they are even alive.

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128221 No.5014

its the only thing i know.

i was cyberschooled since 2nd grade

constantly being on a computer, the internet became my world

this is all i know, and i like it best this way

im a hikki, but often times i don't really feel isolated from the world at all, because to me, this is the world.

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7a0b3d No.5019

File: f054dea8b4ce0de⋯.jpg (204.05 KB,1280x1192,160:149,f054dea8b4ce0ded014fdaec1d….jpg)

>>5014

>i was cyberschooled since 2nd grade

>constantly being on a computer, the internet became my world

That sounds more like internet addiction rather than hikikomori unless you have another reason for you're long term social withdrawal such as not feeling like you belong in society than that makes sense.

>This is all i know, and i like it best this way.

I can relate to this i personally feel that this lifestyle is the only one i know because no matter how hard i try to get back out there in society i always end up back in isolation and it's very hard to change because i've been living this way for so long tbh.

>Im a hikki, but often times i don't really feel isolated from the world at all, because to me, this is the world.

I honestly don't feel completely lonely a lot of the time anymore now that i have this place and can chat with people like me i also have a few online friends on other sites as well but sometimes the feeling of loneliness does return.

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df2d15 No.5021

File: 90a39be4a6ca66c⋯.mp4 (2.89 MB,640x360,16:9,90a39be4a6ca66c689f8f6bf8b….mp4)

I'm a schizoid, so dealing with other people is just a massive pain. They're loud and I don't understand them. I don't really like going out at all, though I'd probably do it if there were no other people around. That happens to be one of my favorite fantasies actually, just people disappearing and making the world quiet for once.

I can't say I really ever feel lonely though, most of my "social interaction" is through imageboards and it feels far easier and more relaxing than even trying to talk to family members.

I know eventually I'll have to break free simply to be able to make ends meet, but that's going to be hell on earth

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1c4272 No.5022

>>665

>my possessions would all have strings attached.

This is a very underrated post.

>>728

I can confirm this brutality from my own childhood. We had this one boy. His father died on the battlefield. Then there is this other guy who makes fun of him. Stuff like "I'm gonna fuck your father". Really sick. The world is a disgusting place.

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7a0b3d No.5025

>>5022

>We had this one boy. His father died on the battlefield. Then there is this other guy who makes fun of him. Stuff like "I'm gonna fuck your father". Really sick. The world is a disgusting place.

That's disgusting people are so cruel i swear.

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7a0b3d No.5026

File: f737ad8b6675b39⋯.jpg (518.52 KB,1000x600,5:3,7348606e356add929f26d54dd6….jpg)

>>5021

>dealing with other people is just a massive pain. They're loud and I don't understand them

I know that feel all too well i really hate interacting with people especially when i'm forced to go outside on holidays by my parents and whenever that happens i always get anxious and depressed.

>That happens to be one of my favorite fantasies actually, just people disappearing and making the world quiet for once

Sounds comfy tbh.

>I know eventually I'll have to break free simply to be able to make ends meet, but that's going to be hell on earth.

I know right tell me about it i don't wanna wageslave i would rather continue living as a hikki and having a work from home job that doesn't require me to leave my room.

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272ba9 No.5031

>>5025

Yeah and the worst thing is we were like 10 years old or something (4th grade). Imagine children as young as 10 years old already rotten to the core. The boy who was picked on also never did anything bad to the bully. His father was probably also a war hero. Probably saved many lives of comrades or civillians and then you have this little smug shit to come and make fun of your father for no reason until you break out in tears in the change room of the gym.

Sometimes I believe that children like the bully in my story grow up to become bankers, politicians and business managers which leads to the world beeing controlled by the most vile individuals of society.

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d86a38 No.5032

>>5031

That pretty much is what happens considering the personality type of those who seek out power. Wish I could find the study that showed bullies growing up to be the successful ones, it really made me realize how bad things really are.

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68e06f No.5033

Taken away from my mom at 2 lived with my dad until 12 during that time I would ditch school and lock myself away play video games or go on the internet a few time walking around town with my brothers that would hit and make fun of me a lot. My brother died when I was 12 that's when I started isolating myself emotionally didn't notice until later that I felt a lot of guilt over it. Tried to fix myself in high school ended up just making me worst. Went to one semester in college one day I just decided I wouldn't go again. No one cared that I never left my room now I feel stuck here forever.

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7a0b3d No.5036

>>5031

>Sometimes I believe that children like the bully in my story grow up to become bankers, politicians and business managers which leads to the world beeing controlled by the most vile individuals of society.

Or they end up becoming actual criminals as well.

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7a0b3d No.5038

File: 8e8fe7feaff98a5⋯.png (7.78 KB,509x619,509:619,8e8.png)

>>5033

That's so sad anon it made me cry i'm sorry you had to go through all that.

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e3a1a8 No.5046

>>5031

>>5032

I've started reading Marcus Aurelius's Meditations, and interestingly enough, Marcus himself draws a bit of attention to these kinds of people. In one passage he refers to "…the peculiar ruthlessness often shown by people from 'good families.'" Which hit very close to home as it reminds me of some of the people from middle/high school. Normalfags often say that "when someone bullies you, it's because they are unhappy with their own lives." I have never found this to be true. The bullies I remember were the kids from wealthy families, who live in big houses, had all the latest gadgets/games/cars, had plenty of friends and girlfriends, had loving parents, and basically wanted for nothing. And for reasons that still somewhat escape me, those were always the kids who messed with other people the most, and saw everyone else as being lesser.

Now, thanks to nepotism, they still have everything they could ask for, they still take it all for granted, and they still treat others like trash.

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7a0b3d No.5121

>>5046

>The bullies I remember were the kids from wealthy families, who live in big houses, had all the latest gadgets/games/cars, had plenty of friends and girlfriends, had loving parents, and basically wanted for nothing. And for reasons that still somewhat escape me, those were always the kids who messed with other people the most, and saw everyone else as being lesser.

The kids in my school were like this as well.

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8f9c0d No.5132

File: ac09ea442cf62c4⋯.png (1.39 MB,1024x687,1024:687,ClipboardImage.png)

I just realized that it has been such a long time since the last time I posted here

I dunno if anyone remembers me, I'm the Eastern hikikomori

I wasn't posting on the board because I was trying to reintegrate into society again because my family forced me to do so (it's not my decision and it's the last thing I will ever think about when it comes to get my life back on track again is joining this retarded society again)

So I've went to my highschool again and tried to make friend-ships with my class-mates but I wasn't able to do so

They simply sensed my awkwardness and my lack of social-skills so I ended up being bullied again

I wasn't able to skip school like I was doing before I become a shut in due to the fact that either my family and my psychiatrist were following me wherever I go,however, now I ended up becoming a shut in again and told them to get the fuck off because I won't go through this shit again

I still take these Jew-pills that basically is killing me

The doctor diagnosed me with agoraphobia, social anxiety and depression and these pills are technically supposed to cure my depression but all what they do is killing me and make me an emotionless zombie through out most of the day

I have no idea what I'm going to do but I know for a fact that I will not try to join this sick society again

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1eac55 No.5134

>>113

>>The only path out is to keep faking it while trying to resolve the realities from the madness

My worst experiences and memories are from the times I was trying to do this. Every time I think back to when I was trying to be normal I cringe. I lack the skills necessary to even pretend to be normal. I've accepted that when I need to socialize, the best me I can be is silent and polite.

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e3a1a8 No.5136

>>5132

I think we've all tried reintegrating at some point, and it almost always ends up the same way, going right back to isolation. We just aren't very compatible with society as we lack the proper social experience to connect with those around us. At any rate, I'm glad to hear that you're alright for the time being anon.

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d86a38 No.5138

>>5132

No way for you to fake taking the pills? They're essentially a chemical lobotomy, messes with your frontal lobe the same way.

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798ab7 No.5141

>>5136

Thanks alot

>>5138

I'm trying to do so I hide the pills under my billow and tell them that I've taken them, I'm afraid that they may discover them though

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0ff337 No.5142

>>5141

I have lately been trying to reintegrate in society, your story touches me. I understand what you say with 'sick society' i too don't have much desire left to participate in it, i think it has many diseases as well, many problems. But i don't know. Don't you suffer in your position anyway? Is it just a question of where to go to experience the least amount of suffering? Or can we somehow get away from misery altogether? Maybe the sickness of society, we have to go through it in order to get past it

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fac9dc No.5143

File: bee8e2e7d83a4c0⋯.gif (89.83 KB,200x275,8:11,1522022864680.gif)

>>5142

>Or can we somehow get away from misery altogether?

I think we can do by keep finding different kinds of escapism and hobbies and keep living for them, any other thing I don't believe that there's much for us aside from escapism tbh

>Maybe the sickness of society, we have to go through it in order to get past it

That's true unless you've been isolated since your middle-school years you won't notice the diseases in society

Although,I live in a totally islamic society and there are alot of people who still believe in ancient text-books I still can see what you mean by ( i too don't have much desire left to participate in it,) I too feel like i'm totally exhausted to change my clothes let alone try to take place in this society again

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7a0b3d No.5186

File: f5b13d7e6c6982f⋯.jpg (78.64 KB,500x399,500:399,f5b13d7e6c6982f4db0c8f97ff….jpg)

>>5132

>I just realized that it has been such a long time since the last time I posted here

Welcome back anon.

>i dunno if anyone remembers me, I'm the Eastern hikikomori

I remember you.

>I wasn't posting on the board because I was trying to reintegrate into society again because my family forced me to do so (it's not my decision and it's the last thing I will ever think about when it comes to get my life back on track again is joining this retarded society again).

Oh so that's where you have been i see. That sucks that your family was forcing you into the outside world i don't know how long term social withdrawal is handled in the middle east but any parent regardless of where they come from should be aware that trying to force a socially withdrawn child out of their room and into the outside world that will only make them desire isolation even more because they aren't handling the situation the right way and forcing them to do stuff that they at the current moment don't want to do.

>I ended up becoming a shut in again and told them to get the fuck off because I won't go through this shit again

I don't blame you anon our condition is one that is not very well understood at all there is basically no help for hikikomori shut ins outside Japan which is sad and also pisses me off.

>The doctor diagnosed me with agoraphobia, social anxiety and depression and these pills are technically supposed to cure my depression but all what they do is killing me and make me an emotionless zombie through out most of the day

I'm not gonna encourage you to stop taking your meds or anything like that but if they really are hurting you then yeah that's a problem also really he diagnosed you with agoraphobia, social anxiety and depression without looking at the bigger picture?? see this what i mean up top the hikikomori syndrome is very poorly understood.

>I have no idea what I'm going to do but I know for a fact that I will not try to join this sick society again.

I don't blame you anon are you able to get Neetbux in your country??.

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83d014 No.5206

File: 377c991856a412c⋯.png (955.19 KB,800x600,4:3,ClipboardImage.png)

>>5186

>I don't blame you anon are you able to get Neetbux in your country??

Not really to be honest in the East you can't get these thing because either of them aren't recognized as mental-illness at least in my country autism isn't widely-known and you can get money just because you're autistic

so I'm leaching off of my parents for now as for the future it looks bleak and I have no idea what I will do tbh

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Post last edited at

a84551 No.5207

File: d479f5ddc159276⋯.jpg (98.81 KB,500x501,500:501,zz1.jpg)

I'm not sure why I became a hikki I could say it's because my mother died but I think that's just an excuse, The best way i think i could put it is one day I didn't want to go outside and that carried over to the next day and beyond.

It's been 8 years now I really should've gone to college but it's too late for that now if I ever do get out of this life what awaits me is minimum wage slavery and I don't think I'll be doing that for long until i decide to end it, if I do somehow manage to live till old age I can see myself ending up like the man in the link.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5394513/Lonely-Russian-pension-dies-embracing-home-sex-doll.html

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7a0b3d No.5211

File: 5dce1d7fe60aac2⋯.jpg (72.44 KB,361x335,361:335,3ddTJ.jpg)

>>5206

> the East you can't get these thing because either of them aren't recognized as mental-illness at least in my country autism isn't widely-known and you can get money just because you're autistic

>so I'm leaching off of my parents for now as for the future it looks bleak and I have no idea what I will do tbh

Oh that fucking sucks man i wouldn't like being a hikki in the middle east to be honest.

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e3a1a8 No.5219

File: d813a28d6de73b1⋯.jpg (67.71 KB,500x500,1:1,d813a28d6de73b14dcbc4523d6….jpg)

>>5207

>It's been 8 years now I really should've gone to college but it's too late for that now

Don't feel too bad about skipping college. I went to college for 2 years, graduated, and have nothing to show for it but a mountain of debt.

>if I do somehow manage to live till old age I can see myself ending up like the man in the link.

I hope he's somewhere in a comfy afterlife, enjoying the warm embrace of his waifu. I hope we all get that kind of peace when we die.

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0b0063 No.5266

>>5219

Funny how I always thought I was the only one with this mindset.

Hopefully, when I die, my waifu will wait for me at the gate to the other realm.

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7a0b3d No.5269

>>5266

>Hopefully, when I die, my waifu will wait for me at the gate to the other realm.

Same here.

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e3a1a8 No.5274

>>5266

>Hopefully, when I die, my waifu will wait for me at the gate to the other realm.

I hope she does anon, and I'm sure she'll be overjoyed to greet you. Just don't rush into death too quickly. We all die sooner or later, and stay dead forever, but life is finite so make the best of it while you're here.

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f631a0 No.5296

File: 22e44870dc1f74e⋯.png (326.5 KB,1200x1148,300:287,65486319_p0.png)

>>5274

thank you anon. I wish the same for you.

ATM I am 26. Been very tired of life since age 25. I think my fuel will be completely used up by age 30. Let's see how long I can endure this shitshow. I am glad that one day it will all be over.

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e3a1a8 No.5307

>>5296

>I think my fuel will be completely used up by age 30.

I know what you mean, most the time it feels like I'm running on empty. I've always been 90% sure that I wont live to see 40.

>I am glad that one day it will all be over.

Ironically, this is the only reason that I continue living, is because I know this suffering can't possibly last forever. One day, we will all be gone and the people who knew us will be gone, and it will be as though we never existed, and I find a lot of comfort in that. So for now, I choose to get what enjoyment I can out of this life, while also looking forward to the day that it will all end.

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5fc0c0 No.5309

>>5307

yeah the feeling I have is like I were a plane high in the air. The problem is just my fuel ran out and I am gliding down now. Eventually there must be an impact. Also there is not much to do past age 35 or 40. Your looks start to fade, your health starts detoriating fast and if you don't have a family, passion or career that gives you meaning then there is nothing worth getting up in the morning or at all. This is one of the reason why middle aged americans are the most prominent victims in the current opiate crisis. If you are a failure and already at age 40 why even try anymore.

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64ed1e No.5850

Same as op except my parents talked me into getting married. I agreed so I'll be less of a disappointment to them. But I wish I could get my old life back. I know it sounds selfish but this lifestyle just isn't for me.

I actually go to the bathroom so I can be alone and think. It's so pathetic!

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5df02d No.5851

File: d991d556cc9cb14⋯.png (231.13 KB,894x894,1:1,50a2c23bf1524576681bd52f0d….png)

>>5850

I take it you're not a hikikomori anymore?

>My parents talked me into getting married. I agreed so I'll be less of a disappointment to them.

You could have just gotten a wagecuck job instead of getting married anon i rather become a wage slave than get married to a roastie.

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cb6b5b No.5854

A bit similar to OP. I apologize if my english sounds weird, as time went on it deteriorated for some reason.

>Actually a social, normal, "smart" child. Parents are over-protective but everything is fine.

>Get molested. Tell my parents, mom blames me and makes fun of it.

>When I was 9 my mom made me change classes for reasons related to her "over-protection" that I will not go on detail.

>I try to make new friends but everyone ignores me for some reason.

>As the year passes no one talks to me, eventually I give up. Now I'm just the silent weird kid.

>Eventually be reunited with old class, happy because muh frends.

>Turns out everyone forgot me. No one talks to me anymore and they all became normalfags while I began my robot transition.

>I'm bullied. I consider suicide but in the edgy 12 years old kid way.

>High school begins, "maybe things will change."

>I get bullied again, it's actually worse than before.

>I tell my parents, they don't give a shit.

>Attempts suicide but I'm a faggot.

>2 years of bullying, one day I almost bring a gun to class but I'm a faggot.

>Eventually the "bullies" drop out HS and I don't see them ever again.

>Everything is chill, but the damage is done: anxiety, depression, and paranoia. Can't talk to people without getting anxious, can't look at people at their faces, literally forgets how to interact with people, don't trust anyone, etc. But for some reason some classmates still try to "get me out of my shell."

>Parents divorce.

>House is hell, my mother constantly hits and yells at me for no reason other than to vent her frustration.

>Eventually my father leaves and, slowly, everything calms down.

>Before HS ends, I somehow get a gf and a friend.

>"Wow! Am I a normalfag now? WIll I regain everything I lost? Will I stop feeling this painful loneliness?"

>Gf is "abusive," drama happens for 7 months until she breaks up with me.

>I actually tried to better myself for her, but now that the only source of company, love and support I ever had is gone there is no point on even trying.

>Drama happens and friend leaves too.

>Actually went to college for 1 week, but my ex was my classmate and shit happened.

>Eventually drops out.

Now I just spend my days on my bedroom, the only human interaction I have is my mom. She has an erratic behaviour and anger issues so you can imagine what I have to put up. Before I at least tried to go outside to avoid her, now I just accept whatever that happens.

Next year I will have to enroll to college again or who fucking knows what my mom will do. But I know everything I may say about what happened in my life is an excuse to continue my shitty life-style.

I just wish I could stop being such a fucking faggot and kill myself instead of thinking that perhaps "life will get better."

It never got better, and it never will.

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d5b4c0 No.5857

>>5854

> Get molested. Tell my parents, mom blames me and makes fun of it.

Wow, sorry to hear that. Sounds like life handed you a shit mother tbh

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cb6b5b No.5860

>>5857

Thanks anon, that actually means a lot to me.

I remember she trying to shift blame for never telling me that "no one can touch you this way! you must tell me if that ever happens!" because "kindergarden was supposed to teach me that."

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e3f17b No.5862

>>5860

Schools are the way they are in the first place because parents are useless and irresponsible. They selfishly reproduce without considering the consequences, and then send the kids to school and expect everything to be taken care of because they don't want to raise them themselves. The men are negligent idiots that don't think about anything, if they are even present, and women are a bunch of whores that are incapable of being rational to begin with, so of course they won't consider that almost all of their impulses are destructive. There aren't many good parents out there, and I'd say that it's almost impossible to be a good enough parent to justify actually having children, even more so in the present. In fact, having children in the first place is already a crime that is hard to make up for, inherently, in this world. Your mom is a real piece of shit, though. I don't think you will mind if I say that.

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1ec839 No.5867

Got fat. Childhood friends slowly went cold on me during puberty. With no friends I started playing WoW. Gained more weight, stopped caring about the real world. Highschool the depression started. Freshman year of college i started failing classes, not wanting to leave my dorm. I'm 26 now and I've been hikki for at least 3/4ths my adult life. I'd blame being fat first, and second my family history of clinical depression.

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5df02d No.5872

File: 532f09c512a4843⋯.png (3.18 MB,1920x1080,16:9,Tomoko_angry.png)

>>5854

>Get molested. Tell my parents, mom blames me and makes fun of it.

You know like i said in the original post i may be a pedo but holy shit that's just fucked up anon i'm sorry you had to go through that. I honestly hate child molesters with a passion as do most people and your mother sounds like a fucking roastie bitch.

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5df02d No.5873

File: e69105f320141ad⋯.jpg (4.31 KB,300x168,25:14,sato2.jpg)

>>5867

Just out of curiosity what is your weight currently at anon?

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