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/hikki/ - Hikikomori

The modern hermit
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A WARNING TO ALL NEW USERS IF YOU ARE NOT A HIKIKOMORI I WILL BAN YOU!! People who are going to work or school are not Hikikomori There are many people on here who can not leave their home Please choose your topic with consideration IF YOU HAVEN'T BEEN AT HOME INSIDE YOUR ROOM FOR AT LEAST 6 MONTHS OR MORE THEN DON'T POST HERE!

File: 6db2149112a2bfd⋯.png (86.13 KB,484x522,242:261,6db2149112a2bfd06e0d8cb893….png)

e67935 No.5370

Where did you leave off on education before you become hikikomori? I got multiple scholarships to pay for all my schooling and still ended up this way one day I just decided not to leave my room. Are most like this where at one point you were thought of as smart.

____________________________
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77636f No.5371

File: 83d2d68dabfd432⋯.png (137.64 KB,290x386,145:193,ClipboardImage.png)

That's a good thread to share my feels

I'm still in highschool but I didn't study a shit over the last 8 months and my exams are after one month from now

I don't know how will I be able to leave my apartment and go to the school let alone be able to pass my exams

I want to drop out but my family is forcing me especially my mom because she thinks that a university degree is the thing that will cure my condition somehow I'm sick of this stupidity but I'm too much of a pussy to stand for myself and make my decision

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40d048 No.5373

>>5371

So you're still technically going to school because your forced to??.

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40d048 No.5374

File: 39e606a8f2be1f2⋯.png (209.09 KB,800x451,800:451,1490296252438.png)

>>5370

>Where did you leave off on education before you become hikikomori?

My situation is a little strange i started to pull away from the world and spend most of my time in my room when i was 13 going on 14 back in middle school however like >>5371 i still went to school sometimes because i didn't have a choice however on days when i skipped school or had the day off i spent all of my time in my room never really saw my family and my dad would bring my meals up to my room and leave them ether outside my door or come in and leave it on my computer desk. Not sure if you could call that hikikomori or at least not to the extreme extent since i was still going to school sometimes however it definitely was a precursor of what would happen later when i became a full on hikikomori neet.

>Are most like this where at one point you were thought of as smart.

I'm still seen as smart by my family because during my years in isolation i try to research and learn new things almost everyday.

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004ea9 No.5376

>>5373

Exactly

>>5374

>I'm still seen as smart by my family because during my years in isolation i try to research and learn new things almost everyday.

I do the exact same thing here I've learned another languages and read alot in history to the extent where I've read almost every historical event

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17c73e No.5377

Finished secondary school at 16 and haven't done anything since

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840a27 No.5379

>>5370

I graduated highschool from one of the better ones in my country. Literally all my teachers back then told me that I'd get into the courses for gifted students but I never applied myself in anything but the courses that interested me (where I was invariably among the top 5% of my school).

Didn't talk to anybody back then, and after highschool I realized I can do what I want now so I became a hikki.

About 4 years after that, I was cajoled into entering university, where I should now (barely) graduate in 2-3 semesters and return to my hikki life because my family will have run out of arguments against it.

So, however you want to interpret it, either after highschool or after my bachelor's.

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0e3010 No.5381

>>5370

I dropped out of high school in my senior year. A lot of people who knew me at the time wondered why, and it was because I hated being there and I slacked off in my work to the point where I would have had to repeat my senior year anyway. So I became a hikikomori after that, then got my GED about a year later. A few years after that, I went to college for 2 years, graduated, and went back to being a hikikomori. Honestly, my family probably thinks I'm more intelligent now than back then, but they probably also think I'm lazy which is pretty accurate.

>>5371

>I'm sick of this stupidity but I'm too much of a pussy to stand for myself and make my decision

I know how you feel. When I was in high school, I was often discouraged from doing things that I liked, while being encouraged to do things I didn't care about, which resulted in me doing nothing at all because I was too afraid to stand up for myself. Even now, my dad keeps thinking that I'm going to go back to college some day, but I really don't think I want to since it didn't go well the first time and most colleges these days are shit anyway.

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bea4a7 No.5382

I stopped regularly going to school when i was 12 due to bullying and a lot of other issues but ended up getting diagnosed with autism when i was 13 and got sent to one of those special schools for people with issues. I went there for a little over 2 months only because when i refused to go they would send someone to take me there by force. After a little over 2 months of that hell i locked myself in my room and completely withdrew from society. My parents would sometimes push me to go back to school or do cyber school because "I was the smartest kid in the family" but i always refused. I really don't know why they thought this i never did especially well in school and I've never been good at conveying what i think.

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faa5ea No.5384

Valedictorian in high school. Went to a decent college. The entire experience was hellish to me, day by day i skipped more and more class. Dropped out after failing an entire semester by not going to class.

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40d048 No.5387

File: b7be2a53d7b5d24⋯.jpeg (32.03 KB,512x512,1:1,b7be2a53d7b5d249fcb7e2026….jpeg)

>>5376

> I've learned another languages and read alot in history to the extent where I've read almost every historical event

I've done the same thing.

>Exactly

Damn dude that sucks i know exactly how you feel i was just like you at one point wanting to turn the world off and stop going to school even though you don't have a choice because your being forced to that feeling fucking sucks ass and that's how a lot of young hikkis start out.

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40d048 No.5388

File: 2cb40d4375ab2e4⋯.png (737.44 KB,1280x720,16:9,Takumi-Nishijō.png)

>>5382

>I stopped regularly going to school when i was 12 due to bullying and a lot of other issues but ended up getting diagnosed with autism when i was 13

I was diagnosed with autism when i was only 8 years old and i stopped regularly going to school when i was 13 for the exact same reasons >>5374

>Got sent to one of those special schools for people with issues.

I didn't go to one of those places however back when i was in school i was in a special education class for people with special needs i honestly think they thought i was retarded or something to be honest.

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0e4fc4 No.5400

I got into a masters program but ended up dropping out near the end

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d038bd No.5402

I finished high school got my degree with flying colors and then I fucked off the face of the earth. Like a lot of you I was considered the smartest in the family even at a young age. I had a strong interest in learning the things that I wanted to learn but I basically turned myself off of anything that wasn't able to peak my interest. That wasn't just in schooling but life in general. The whole world felt boring and tedious, the people bland and easily read. There was a point in my life where I would jokingly call myself a mind reader because I was able to tell exactly what a person would do or how they would react simply because everyone around me was just that predictable and uncreative.

I used to strive so hard for perfect grades. Only A's would satisfy me. Then one day in 5th grade something clicked in my mind. The grades didn't matter. The idiot that was barely scraping by with C's will still pass to the next grade just like me. From then on I decided to say fuck it and just game the system. I stopped doing homework altogether and just aced any exams or quizzes that came my way. I did this all throughout the rest of my "education." I finished high school with A's and B's and I barely did any work at all due to the easily gamed point system. Hell, I don't think I even remember the majority of the subjects I did at the time. I also graduated several months earlier due to grinding out the final credits early.

Everybody from my family to my teachers wanted me to go onto college. They fed me the same bullshit they feed everyone: "You're so smart! It would be a shame if you didn't go! You could really be something amazing!"

I would be even more broke, in debt, and in a thousand times more pain. That's what college would have done to me. The school system was a tedious mind numbing hell for me as is, even more so once I realized that I didn't even have to learn anything to get what I wanted. You think I would put myself in debt just to suffer even more. I know I don't have the ambition or work ethic to finish college. I don't have any goals that college would even help facilitate. The fact of the matter is that all I wanted in my life was peace and solitude. I used to dream of living in the mountains as a lonely hermit. Well, now I finally have my peace and solitude. I didn't realize that was what I truly wanted when I was younger but I do now. I have no ambition because the one goal I honestly cared about achieving has been achieved. I have no reason to change my life around. I don't want to invite chaos and upheaval into my life again. I've had enough of that kind of shit when I was younger. I'll stop being a hikki NEET when the world forcefully takes away my peace. Otherwise I'm going to continue being content with my life.

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8885a4 No.5404

Are all of you hikki intelligent or is it just these kind of threads where you show up? Not saying it's not a good thing, I just find it weird as I personally feel very stupid after years of doing nothing.

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40d048 No.5405

File: 4437da5682ff290⋯.png (27.23 KB,640x753,640:753,1323578059001.png)

>>5404

>Are all of you hikki intelligent or is it just these kind of threads where you show up? Not saying it's not a good thing, I just find it weird as I personally feel very stupid after years of doing nothing.

I actually am very intelligent but other people have always thought otherwise because i have autism.

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840a27 No.5409

>>5404

I've done a professional IQ test (137) and am a member of Mensa (they have some neat mailing lists).

It's just the kind of intelligence people tend not to notice because I have zero accomplishments in life due to crushing depression for most of it and negative social skills due to years of isolation.

I think it's likelier for intelligent people to become hikkis, since they have the capacity to see that modern society is all bullshit and it's much harder to stop thinking and go full hedonist when you're smart.

You see that a lot in Mensa actually. There's a lot of members that, while not necessarily hikkis, don't interact much with society and work just enough to support their interests.

I think you might be conflating intelligence as measured by IQ tests (aka processing power) and book-learning. Doing nothing doesn't really degrade your intelligence (assuming you aren't old enough for the brain to start degrade yet), but book learning certainly goes away if you don't use and enlarge it. I'd wager most people here have at least an above average IQ.

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cc4065 No.5410

File: 20cdeab40a7b1cc⋯.jpg (35.56 KB,400x318,200:159,20c.jpg)

I got into a merit-based science and math high school that got me free tuition to one of the top 5 public universities. I graduated with a double STEM major and planned on being a neuroscientist. Got into grad school, moved across the country, got a part-time job. I was all set to be a normalfag. Then a cop tried to beat the shit out of me because he confused me with someone else. However, I was fit and into Ron Paul at the time so I fought back. All charges were eventually dropped, but I lost my job, my position at grad school, and had to move back in with my parents. Haven't been able to find a job since. I'm 29 now so there's no reasonable chance I can get back into school and I don't really want to anyway. Academia is bullshit.

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0e4fc4 No.5411

>>5404

I'm fairly intelligent and can memorize stuff easily but can't perform under pressure so I always got middling grades in school

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8c99cf No.5412

File: a4b2ddf86870668⋯.jpg (22.87 KB,351x352,351:352,a4b2ddf86870668deca5984c79….jpg)

>>5370

I effectively dropped out when I was around 14 or 15; grade 8. My first ever year of public schooling, I was home-schooled before then, my parents only decided to enroll me in response to my rapidly deteriorating social life after moving to a new town, but I had already been a three-year shut-in at that point, and it was already much too late.

I did virtually everything in my power to avoid going to school, by the end of the year, I think I had something like a 16% attendance rate. If I was forced out the house, I would literally just wander around town from 8:30 to 3:30. If I ever got tired of walking, I would find an outcropping of trees to rest in, and I would just sit there for hours doing nothing. My parents, all the social workers and truancy officers - none of them could get me to cooperate, and believe me they tried. It honestly impresses 'me the lengths I went to evade that wolf pit they call a school. I'm not even that desperate now, despite being hikki for nearly a decade.

I did attend high school the next year 'round, but only for three weeks before bugging out entirely and going full-hikki, which is how I've been ever since.

Fast-forward to today, I'm 22, and here I am again, suspended from NEETbux until June for failing to comply with my participation agreement; which required me to attend an alternative school and complete a "Prior Learning Assessment & Recognition" program, and subsequently finish my secondary education.

The ride never ends. I'm supposed to start work at Walmart in a week, though.

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ebe7af No.5414

>>5411

>I'm fairly intelligent and can memorize stuff easily but can't perform under pressure

Same here.

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2f223a No.7080

File: 819f195fe5f4528⋯.png (706.07 KB,1491x297,497:99,4687263489278472398798237.PNG)

I didn't get pretty far, to be honest. Even when I was just a kid, all I could ever think about when I was at school was how much I yearned and looked forward to going back home again. The moment the final bell rang, I'd essentially sprint/power walk my way back home as fast as possible. Eventually the act of leaving here became so traumatic for me (right around the start of Grade 6), that I simply couldn't handle it anymore and, thus (after very sporadic attendance due to struggling with my Godzilla sized anxiety every day), I ended up dropping out of school in Grade 9 after my first semester of high school. My mother, in particular, tried as hard as she could to help me throughout it all and to, more or less, "heal me" somehow. This basically took the form of me & her going to see countless therapists/psychiatrists/energy healers (some good, some not so good), briefly dabbling in medication (Effexor/Paxil), to even having numerous special concessions be made for me like not having to take tests with everyone else with the added bonus of no time limits, to not even having to attend class itself and, instead. just going to see my own personal teacher in a private area), but, ultimately, it was all a waste of time. At one point, I could've finished the rest of high school just by going to our local library a couple times every week to meet with my private teacher, but, by that point, my anxiety/agoraphobia was so intense that even something as easy/convenient as that, seemed totally insurmountable. It was then, with a heavy sigh of fatigue, that my mother finally accepted that she had literally done all she could for me and it still hadn't been enough, and so, finally, let me drop out.

She moved mountains for me and yet, in the end, I let her down. I wish I hadn't been so afraid. I wish I hadn't had to put her through so much heartache & stress. I am what I am, though. As broken & defective as that might be. The idea of going outside in those last few months before I quit, with my only destination being a safe, quiet library, let alone a bustling school, felt about as unrealistic as asking a paraplegic to somehow flop his/her way through a triathlon. The only difference between the two is that one crippling disability is something you can physically see and understand, whereas the other is an affliction that's just as fucking crippling, if not more so in some cases, but, unfortunately, also happens to be hidden within the heart/mind/soul and so, what seems to sadly often be the case, is quickly dismissed as being bullshit/laziness/weak willpower (etc.) In the case of my mother, she's always understood on some level the pain/anxiety that was inside me. At the time, she just didn't want to see me throw my life away. With absolutely zero help from my father (who, to this day, still thinks I was just "lazy"), it was a never ending battle for her to try and get me the help that she thought I needed. That takes its toll on a person, especially when you're effectively on your own, as she was. We all came through it, though. It was so many years ago now, that it's basically just an old story we all laugh about at this point. As Kurt Vonnegut's son (Mark Vonnegut) said when asked what our purpose is in this life, his response was simply, "We're here to help each other through this. Whatever this is".

Let's also not forget, that this globally Dickensian society we all currently live in, is, to put it lightly, a right fucking mess. No jobs/swiftly disappearing ones, stagnating/insufficient wages, enormous amounts of debt for anyone foolish enough to get a degree/seek higher education (etc, etc.) When compared against all that, being a housebound hermit honestly seems like the best decision one could make, frankly. Be just another indentured slave to some scum fuck parasitic capitalist who, themselves, do fucking nothing for society, while siphoning out all of the existing wealth for their own enrichment and draining our collective life force/well being like a fucking bloodsucking vampire would, and are indisputably the ultimate welfare queens? Yeah, no thanks. I'll just continue to opt out of that fucking insanity if you don't mind.

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2f223a No.7081

>>7080

(Continued from above…..)

School is a glorified daycare service designed to make you a good little wind-up toy drone. One who is loaded with brainwashing, blindly accepts the many myths & lies that are constantly fed to them and, ultimately, is taught to never question anything that might jeopardize their programming. All while also acclimating you to the hierarchical pecking order of a cruel & uncaring society that expects you to mindlessly throw yourself into wage slavery and be grateful for the opportunity to do so. Do what you're told and get down on your knees for your masters like a good dog. I've known all these truths in my heart even since I was a small child and could see the bars of the prison I was in quite clearly. I refused to conform & submit, so I left. To be a hikikomori, is to be a bit of a defiant rebel, in a way. At least for those who have the luxury to do so, that is.

We also find ourselves in an endless void devoid of meaning, known as existence. Nothing we do matters. Adopting a position of pure nihilism is the only sane & logical way to go through life, no matter who it is you are.

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229e46 No.7106

>>7080

>We all came through it, though. It was so many years ago now, that it's basically just an old story we all laugh about at this point.

If you don't mind me asking: How do you all came through it? They just accepted your condition? And how is your mother doing? She seems nice.

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3d9680 No.7111

File: 1664f1f1ae8fbf8⋯.jpg (207.53 KB,1920x1040,24:13,7l3mEH9.jpg)

>>7106

>How do you all came through it? They just accepted your condition?

Yep. Fully & completely, without judgement. They're really quite understanding as far as parents go. They may have unjustly imposed existence on me without my consent, but at least they've owned up to it and I'm grateful for that. We all look out for each other here, regardless of the circumstance, which is a rarity in and of itself, I suppose.

>And how is your mother doing? She seems nice.

Truth be told, she's getting up there in years & I often worry for her health. Besides being just my mother, she's also my friend. Pretty much the only one I've ever had. She understands me far more than most do, or would. My need for isolation. The insanity of the world. The absurdity of life itself. Even my wish to eventually end my own life. That's not to say she's perfect or doesn't get on my nerves sometimes, but who doesn't?

I've always had both my parents around to keep me company, so, I suppose in some sense, I've never been that isolated, but enh. Splitting hairs. Outside of them and my brother, I literally haven't spoken to, or interacted with, anyone at all within the last 12 years. Only exceptions being rare throwaway encounters (like when I've gone to the dentist or briefly spoken with a relative over the phone, for instance). I've also never had any online acquaintances, let alone friends, and have barely said much of anything online, barring my scribblings on this website I guess. I spend all day in my room, heavy curtains permanently drawn, only leaving to use the bathroom or to get food/water. Cumulatively speaking, I'd say my time outside in these last 12 years more than likely amounts to less than 150 hours, although, naturally, I can't pinpoint the exact figure for certain (might be a little more, but not by much). We also used to have a cat I was pretty close with. He was pretty much the only living thing I've ever known whom I could've ever defined as a friend (besides my mother, that is), but, unfortunately (although not unexpectedly), he died a couple years ago at the ripe old age of 19 1/2 years old. Me and my father are also quite close in a sense and, in some ways, he understands me just as much as my mother does. My father, despite being a bit of a basement dweller himself when he's not at his job, often tends to be coming and going a lot of the time, whereas my mother is either always at her computer or asleep in her bed. In many ways, she's as reclusive as I am. She & I used to go out driving at night pretty frequently, but now it's only every once in a while. She also feels uncomfortable talking/interacting with other people, but to less of an extent to myself (since it's something I can't even fathom doing), so, ultimately, she's not as bad/reclusive as I am, but still pretty close. Close enough to, again, understand me far more than anyone else would. My life would honestly be hell without her. She cooks my meals, is always their to listen, helps me when I'm feeling ill. Like I said, I often find myself worrying for her health these days. It pains me to see her becoming more decrepit & fragile (just like our cat eventually did). When you combine this fact with her long standing weight problems/poor eating habits it's just…… I don't know what I can do to to help her. I'm just always fearing for the worst to happen. I often lie awake at night scared to death of the future that awaits me. Without her, and to less of an extent my father, I'd have no one. No one to talk to, no one to shield me, no one who can understand. Thinking about all this never fails to make me feel deeply uncomfortable. All I can do is try to push it all from my mind, while the inevitable creeps its way ever closer. Even with the prospect of having financial security, losing her would still be a mighty blow to deal with.

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3527d5 No.7115

File: 689bd9d910db2fd⋯.gif (626.29 KB,500x281,500:281,1518574009692.gif)

Junior year of high school, very early into the first semester, I dropped out due to my debilitating social anxiety. Even if I was at school, a decent chunk of my time was spent either hiding in bathrooms, or the stairwells no one used. If I was in class, I'd just sort of disappear into my own thoughts. Never interacted with anyone. But the more I think about it, I've lived pretty reclusively my entire life, even dating back to elementary school. Almost never went outside, never had any friends, just spent all my time encapsulated in video games or the internet. I have almost no memories of going outside, just playing vidya or browsing the internet. I'd go outside for school, then directly go home, nothing else.

Fuck… I've never even really thought about it like this before, but maybe in some ways I've been a shut-in my entire life…

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0954b6 No.7122

>>7081

>School is a glorified daycare service designed to make you a good little wind-up toy drone.

It's another scam. That and the prisons are way to use the poor so that the government can tax private prisons.

Maybe it's daycare with wiki, but given that no one ever remembers what was on the last test or what they studied last year, it's not even that.

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229e46 No.7134

>>7111

Thank you for the answer. Your story feels close to mine and it was nice reading about it.

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17a7c4 No.7186

I excelled up through grade 10, then barely scraped by for the last 2 years of high school and dropped out my first year of college. My narcissist dad always told me for as long as I can remember that I was a genius, but he only said that because he wanted to control and exploit me. Unfortunately I was too young and stupid to know better, so I believed it. This had the consequence of making me completely unable to deal with any form of failure or adversity. I also dropped out because I hated how my parents were trying to control every facet of my life and future. And on top of that I'm autistic and didn't even get diagnosed until the ripe old age of 20.

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4558fa No.7845

File: 9e453962d282293⋯.jpg (41.17 KB,480x360,4:3,proxy_image_4_.jpg)

>>5371

i should have graduated high school last year. just turned 18 and my grades are still all Fs. i really fucking wish it would have been legal to drop out earlier but apparently only an 18 year old can decide that even though i still have the same opinion about school that i did at 6 years old. what i get tired of hearing is >

>but anon you're so smart! etc

>but anon! how are you going to find a job without going to university (nevermind the fact that not every job requires a college diploma)

i wonder how often people lie about having a highschool diploma. if everyone has one, i figure it wouldnt be difficult to just say i have one and my employer wont even bother to check

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