>be me
>get into Christianity
>start going to every church and theology group I can
>read boatloads of Christian books and also the KJV
>get deeper and deeper into it for months
>biggest key issue I come across in Christianity is salvation and grace
>learn more and more about salvation including that it's by faith and not by works
>seemed simple at first, but talking to Christians the whole matter became more and more convoluted, suspect that I'm probably already saved but Christians keep telling me I would know if I was saved and since I doubt I'm not
>absolutely frustrated about how to be saved
>jumbling all manner of stuff in my mind all the time, obsessing about it constantly
>fall into major depression because of this, can't sleep, lots of problems, last couple days been in a lot of pain from hunger and thirst and can't motivate myself to do anything about it
>am weaker and more sad than ever right now
>badly want to be saved but everything is sinful
>can't run away from sin and even though I stopped playing videogames and even if I were to just never go near my computer the painful, intense, loneliness and isolation that I have to endure hour by hour, day by day, will just be all the worse for not having even this as a form of human contact
>majorily confused and constantly frustrated
>can't do anything about my salvation, it's either going to happen or not
>have already tried bargaining with god and every other thing I can think of and nothing seems to work
>seem like I'm going to die from despair
>I feel like my soul is literally being eaten by Christianity because before this I felt closer to god, felt like I was on the right track, etc. and now I feel hopelessly fucked
>Christians also always discouraging me from reading anPost too long. Click here to view the full text.