/hikki/ - Hikikomori

Whenever you wake up, stayed laid on the bed a little and take deep breaths. Walk outside in a non crowded area for like an hour each day and breath calmly.

Everytime you feel stressed, stop anything you are doing and have a constant breathing rythm. If you do that, you will be all set.

>>6436

if your hair is coming out, and you have also lost that much weight, you might have a vitamin/nutrient deficiency, or perhaps a thyroid problem

I work out. I do pullups, pushups, that kind of stuff. Been here for like 10 years and these last 2 it's been pretty stressful because I can't stay alone at home anymore. It feels like prison.

>>6400

I tried watching some dramas a few years ago, but i only watched 1 to completion (my boss my hero)

I liked the yakuza aspect of it more than then high school stuff, but the comedy was good as well. might give it a rewatch honestly, i have fond memories of it

I'll check out that site though. thanks anon

Masturbate, read books and watch videos on youtube. I used to be able to watch anime, movies and tv shows but can't be bothered to anymore.

>>6441

Sounds like a usual day of mine anon did you just happen to lose interest in anime and movies?

Reading fiction, reading philosophy, learning how to daytrade cryptocurrencies and trading everyday to make profit. Learned to program with several new languages, including Go which is swiftly becoming my new all time favorite language to use. Already taught myself how to build entire websites with it from scratch. I was a professional software developer working for a major US bank before becoming a hikki so I'm looking to learn more modern technology stacks and stay the fuck out of the banking field forever. I hate banks so much with all their stupid KYC/AML bullshit. I hope to get in at a cool startup or something. I would also highly prefer to work remotely now that I'm so comfortable with staying inside… Trying to get more sources of income. I get $700 a week from NEETBUX which is enough for food and rent and bills but it doesn't give me a lot to save up and invest with. Just trying to make money so I can be a millionaire and buy a nice secluded house one day.

>>6361

I work at a "cool startup" that lets me work from home (though I'm only 30 minutes from the office). Great thing about hikki is I can save almost all of my money (my only hobbies are reading literature and reading manga, along with some small programming projects for fun) and theoretically I could retire at around 32 if I put all my savings at a 3% interest rate, which gives me around $40k a year off interest. I don't like thinking about money too much so I haven't looked into investing at all. I don't think I'd be that great at it though. All that said none of it really helps with my depression/what's-the-point-of-it-all mentality.

My advice to you is if you want a remote job go on hackernews who is hiring threads and ctrl-f for REMOTE. They are surprisingly common and well-paying, but as you know the interviews can be very challenging.

Cool to see another lit/cs person here. I used to be into philosophy in college but never really liked it, other than some select ones like the Stoics and Daoists. Russell/Ayer/Frege/etc are cool too.

>>6368

Thanks. I guess I'll check out HN for remote jobs. Never tried to do that before. Haven't been on that site in a while. Been out of work for a while and the neetbux will stop coming eventually

>>6368

The Stoics are my favorite, btw, Anon.

>>409

>learning about philosophy and literature

>useful for practical application

If you had said something like sewing, cooking, or woodworking it would have been regrettable, but the only thing you missed through reading novels instead is the ability to act snobbish about your knowledge.

>>6325

>I haven't been a hikki for as long as some of you I'm sure but I feel like I have, yes.

How long have you been a hikikomori anon?

I feel at peace when nobody's around and actually love being alone, so I kinda have. Unfortunately I have to mooch off my parents and that trumps my happiness so Im working towards a viable hermit life with wifi

>>6327

about 7 months now

The portion of people in online suicide communities who are NEET is astounding. I wonder if it can be anything more than a local maximum.

Everyone should get sabbaticals in life too though. There are people who never get to spend 6 months, 3 months, or even 1 month to themselves in their whole lives.

>>5760

The competent people know, but can never do anything about it because of the other millions of people causing the problems and making them worse. Good humans have always been the minority. Most people are either mediocre and enabling or actively evil and destructive. But it's not just that, everything is broken, and everything is to blame. It's the same thing in all professions, no matter how important they may be. I don't think this is different in other countries since that seems to be the case for other things everywhere. This is all proof that normal people are actually crazy as well, and actual sanity isn't very common. Society is driving people to insanity and they can't even see that it's happening. The only thing to do is to try to save yourself and a few other people are hope that the normalfags lead the species to extinction, for its own good.

I have never been in that kind of situation, so I wouldn't know anything from personal experience, but I always hear this kind of thing from people that I assume are Americans and from people that I know are Americans, but I heard your story multiple times, actually. It's pretty common, and depending on the situation, you may end up having to deal with enough sensory deprivation to actually push you over the edge into actual insanity. You are not even allowed to die. I understand keeping someone from committing suicide, but even that becomes a cruelty when you are practically torturing them by placing them in an environment that isn't suitable for humans, with nothing to do.

>>5760

>in America it is one step above prison

when I was in one, there were a few ex cons in as well and they all said they'd rather be in a prison rather than the mental hospital

I actually liked being in crazy jail. You basically just watch TV and drink coffee waiting for the next meal.

but if privacy is a major concern for you then you're fucked because it will be hell for you

>>5786

>drink coffee

We only had decaffeinated slurry water. You had to drink four or five cups to feel the effects

>>5894

Are you in Japan? How's therapy going?

>>5897

> he had the typical oh just get over it normalfag type of attitude but anyway i'm glad i stopped going.

It's sad how many therapists treat their job like its a pasttime they indulge in whenever they feel like it, and for everyone else they're just stalling for time until the end of the session so they can charge you that sweet $$$$$

>>2350

I talked to a therapist, but I didn't use the word hikikomori. Just listed all the symptoms of autism that I have, and by that I mean that I listed almost every imaginable symptom.

>>5901

They are about as incompetent as the average human tends to be. And that means completely incompetent. In order to feel better, people like to assume that most professionals and authority figures know what they're doing, and that keeps them from losing faith in society, and therefore keeps society from collapsing. In reality, this isn't the truth at all. No matter what they do, no matter how important it is, people tend to be more incompetent than you want to imagine. Finding a good therapist (or just one that does whatever happens to be necessary) can take a few tries.

>>5897

>Is he/she a good therapist

Yes. Still not helpful though because I'm a lost cause.

Yes, I've read in another thread about your 70 years old therapist. It amuses me that you went there more than one time. An old dude who doesn't use a computer can't know a thing about modern world problems. If you ever consider going to therapy again, try to find at least a young one. i tried other three therapists before finding this one, it's not that easy.

>>5899

I'm in Europe. I've abandoned therapy because I'm a lost cause, I feel like an alien amongst others and I have no purpose in life and this will never change, I can only distract myself.

I went outside and met people though, but it's useless, so I'm back into my nest. My problem is not much anxiety, it's more about a neverending existential crisis.

I live in an area (no worries, no dox) where its pretty warm for 8+ months every year, but it gets nice and cold during the winter. My anxiety is still pretty bad, and after a few incidents when i was in my teens, I alway carry weapons and a first aid kit, plus some other supplies like a blindingly bright flashlight, firestarting kit, electric handwarmers, swiss army knife, Cell Phone car and wall charger, battery bank on me.

I can only conceal all the stuff it takes to feel comfortable enough to go out under winter clothing. BUT theres this cozy diner that doesnt have a lot of space, and is open 24/7 even in the winter. Its a family business and they know my family and Im relatively comfy towards them so they, understanding, leave me be in the coziest corner of the diner. I bring a tablet or laptop after its properly dark, they fill up my thermoses with cold water, i make flavoraid, and I browse the internet and play games all night.

Last year I played a lot of hotline miami 1&2, some of the oldest 3d Dungeons and dragons games, Zork series, Anchorhead (and IF game like zork), and a bunch of emulated games, including 2d zelda and pokemon. I'd sometimes call ahead with an order, but usually I'd bring a sandwhich and chips. I can't wait for winter, so I can get out of this freaking room

>>6100

and I should add that almost nobody goes to that diner during the winter, so they dont leave the grill on. Anyone who does come in can get cold sandwiches or microwaved food, and hot drinks. and the waitress seats the at the other side of the restaurant where they cant see me.

>>6101

>>6100

That sounds really comfy anon. The owners seem really nice too. What kind of games are you planning on playing this time?

>>6130

Interactive fiction. Anchorhead is really cozy with a track of rain sounds in the background.

>>6146

Those games where you play by typing words in and the game tells responds with part of a story are awesome if you like that kind of thing. dound super comfy tbh. I wish I had a situation like yours.

>>5501

>mountains

I also always wanted to die somewhere where you have a good view

>>5484

Did the game cause it? Story time?

>>5511

Sorry for the super late reply.

No, but you realize what the hell you're doing with your life and you fall into deep depression.

Trying to make a videogame is depressing enough if you're a NEET with no social life, but making a porn game is ten times worse.

These kind of things can only be done by men who actually have a life, otherwise when you look at yourself you see an embarrassing looser who's trying to make a porn game to cope with his virginity.

>>5155

>When and where do you think you're going to die anon?

I'm constantly teetering on the edge between getting my life together and killing myself. If I do kill myself, it'll be either jumping off a bridge with the clothes on my back, or jumping off a cliff on a famous mountain somewhere if I can bring myself to travel for it.

I figure if I'm going to commit suicide, I may as well do it somewhere spectacular wearing a 3 piece suit, but I feel exhausted just thinking about it. But on the other hand I don't really want to kill myself just in any old way, it feels wrong somehow, like I'm infringing on something.

>>2018

Just make sure to actually check all the classes you need for the major you want for attendance requirements.

I'm currently stuck 3/4ths through university because only the classes with attendance requirements are left and I have a really hard time of going there. Don't be me.

Still a fucking hikikomori and we're down to half a year already. Trying to get a job at 30 and it just ultimately gets difficult by the day. Sorry for my blogpost but I got no where to post this and I'm kinda hoping that at least someone read this anyways. I'm dreading to becoming 31 at the end of the year. I told myself before that I was going to really recover from this shit lifestyle but I've always withdrawn back to my man cave and keep on gaming. Had another fight, this time with my cousin. Was ready to take this guy out because of all the anger I've built up over the years. Was really sick and tired of his shit. Especially with his big mouth. I don't understand kids like him and always seem to look like they know everything.

All I've been doing is more gaming. I know I've said so many times that I despised discord so much but I keep coming back to it. Maybe I'm still looking for people to chat with. Just to simply chat with. It doesn't even have to be something I can relate to but to just try to understand each other for the better and learn anything new along the way. I realized too late that the memespeak is very heavy with the younger people. Sometimes I can't tell if they're being genuine or not. Maybe it's to hide their seriousness or maybe they don't want to be serious? Just be playful most of the time? Idk, seems childish to me but whatever floats their boat. Was hating on that for awhile but too tired to do so anymore. Another thing to let it be and move on. I really wish there is someone I can just chat online with every other day. I've got a buddy irl but I kinda want a couple more at least to go by.

When you realized that getting online friends is as difficult as getting friends irl as well. There is this guy that joined a hiki discord server. Some fallout happened and voila, another fucking hiki server was born. So I go there, thinking this might be alright but it's another shitshow. Every single fucking time a hiki/neet server is created, it's just another safe space. A hug box or whatever you call it. It may be the case nowadays but all I'm really after is just a nice friendly chat and feel good at the end of the day. Just want that kind of positive feeling. I don't want to got to that route where people create false positive energy and spread it around like we're jocks and cheerleaders forPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>5857

Thanks anon, that actually means a lot to me.

I remember she trying to shift blame for never telling me that "no one can touch you this way! you must tell me if that ever happens!" because "kindergarden was supposed to teach me that."

>>5860

Schools are the way they are in the first place because parents are useless and irresponsible. They selfishly reproduce without considering the consequences, and then send the kids to school and expect everything to be taken care of because they don't want to raise them themselves. The men are negligent idiots that don't think about anything, if they are even present, and women are a bunch of whores that are incapable of being rational to begin with, so of course they won't consider that almost all of their impulses are destructive. There aren't many good parents out there, and I'd say that it's almost impossible to be a good enough parent to justify actually having children, even more so in the present. In fact, having children in the first place is already a crime that is hard to make up for, inherently, in this world. Your mom is a real piece of shit, though. I don't think you will mind if I say that.

Got fat. Childhood friends slowly went cold on me during puberty. With no friends I started playing WoW. Gained more weight, stopped caring about the real world. Highschool the depression started. Freshman year of college i started failing classes, not wanting to leave my dorm. I'm 26 now and I've been hikki for at least 3/4ths my adult life. I'd blame being fat first, and second my family history of clinical depression.

Well did you watch kaiji?

>>5308

>Well did you watch kaiji?

Yes i did start it 2 nights ago i am really enjoying it.

>>5313

Let me know when you finish it

>>5369

>Let me know when you finish it

I definitely will.

Hikikomori Anime List.

http://ruijianime.com/main/tag_search_easy.php?tag[]=73

>have been a NEET for like 5 years at this point

>just got out of mental ward

>spent almost 2 weeks there after hurting myself

>don't have a job or any prospects or getting one

>"have you decided to get your drivers license yet"

are you fucking kidding me

it's like they just can't/won't grasp that i'm fucked up

it's like they just assume that i'm just a lazy lovable douche who "lol just can't get his shit together haha"

like i'm some fucking sitcom character

or on the other hand i have family who just treats me like i'm retarded after this incident

as if i'm not even a real person and am just like this thing they're obligated to interact with sometimes

i hate this shit

i hate having to live with my family and i know all too well how awful being homeless is

All I have in my life are games. Right now my sole purpose in life is to get decent at playing R6S. Pretty fucking sad.

life is just hell I dunno how else to put it

>>5801

>life is just hell I dunno how else to put it

Very true.

I did it a lot more when I was younger and didn't have an unlimited supply of anime, video games, books and software and hardware to mess around with. Now I mostly do it when I'm not doing anything else, or while I do some mindless daily activity, or when I feel like talking to someone else. If it's a specific real person, I just make them in my own head and simulate an interaction. I use my imagination experimentally a lot. It's strongly connected to my thoughts in general, so it's always pretty active. Pretty useful, kinda like a VM that can emulate things in reality, but I can't really turn it off, and maybe it would be better if I could. Still, I am too realistic to let it get out of control. Reality gives me more material to work with in my imagination in the first place, so I would rather not spend all of my time doing that like back then. Still happens a lot.

>>5747

Careful there. You are apparently under the influence of the modern gynocentric culture. Become what you want to be as a male, which is what you are, but don't try to be a woman and don't self-mutilate, that won't actually fulfill anything, it will just destroy you entirely. The idea that beauty belongs to women is a very old lie, buried under a giant mountain of propaganda, make-up and fancy clothes that you're supposedly not allowed to make use of yourself. Honestly, I look better than them and I wouldn't even know how to use make-up, though it could be useful at some point. If you don't reject the lie, that can lead to self-loathing and you may end up hurting yourself. 3DPD women are actually shitty and boring, and most of them actually look like old hags even in their 20's but just hide it behind the make-up. Don't glorify them when you have a better brain, a better body that isn't limited by reproductive tools, better genitals and a more interesting existence. Only real women can actually enjoy being real women. I hope this guarantees your safety somehow.

>>5747

> I imagine myself as a pretty girl with a feminine version of my name.

I do that too sometimes. It seems like a really common fantasy among hikkis.

>>5729

>and I'm willing to look like a complete fool, to invalidate everything that I ever say from that point onward by ruining my credibility entirely, and to be hanged for being a drooling retard…

You sure do like to exaggerate. You're fine anon, and I doubt the anon that replied to you had any ill intention. especially if it is who I think it is

>I tend to have very vivid visions

Perhaps this is why I think you are exaggerating.

Do you have autism?

>If you create life and it can't take care of itself, then you have to do it yourself.

Realistically though most of us are adults in their 20s and should be able to take care of themselves at this point. Parents shouldn't be expected to look after their kids forever, that's unreasonable and part of the reason why I believe they have the right to kick their kids out if necessary.

>It can be fixed, but not without some work, and parents tend to not do anything at all.

This is where I think the issue lies. It's a dick move to kick someone out without even having attempted to help and instead just threaten and/or ridicule their shut in kid.

>It's not malicious

Maybe not in intent, but it is in practice (to varying degrees obviously).

Everything else you said I more or less agree with.

>>5731

>Do you have autism?

Yes. It's not exactly a secret, but I assume it's pretty obvious. My seemingly exaggerated statements are a consequence of that, the way that I developed my own mind, being a freak in general, and of my decision that I should express myself honestly. Overall, my mind is so far from the normal people that this society was made for that it's almost the only reason why I ended up in this position. There's more, but this is the most major cause.

>Maybe not in intent, but it is in practice

Malice requires intent to harm, by definition. And being a hikikomori is easily more harmful to the self than to anyone else, unless the person is actually bad and behaves in a way that would otherwise be self-harm, but because of their condition, the consequences only affect the parents for now. But that situation is just a result of being a bad person, and maybe also the parents' punishment for allowing a bad person to be created (in a world that's already bad to begin with, and that they will inevitably make worse) in the first place. If you don't deserve to have the kids that you have, then why do you have them and why should you be exempt from the consequences?

>>5735

>Malice requires intent to harm, by definition

English is not my first language and I can't even express my thoughts well enough in my mother tongue You're right, I should have worded that better. What I meant was that our condition causes harm to those around us whether it's malicious or not. Stress, financially and/or otherwise. So it's kind of a moot point because harm is done either way.

>If you don't deserve to have the kids that you have, then why do you have them and why should you be exempt from the consequences?

I'm not entirely sure what you mean by 'deserve', but you can't blame parents entirely. There are hikkis here that have good relationships with their parents but shut themselves in because of outside influences. Other times parents don't know how to help even though they tried. Most of the time they don't do enough though. To get back on topic, what I mean is that it's not always the fault of the parent. Since most of the "real" parenting is done between the ages of 0-4, even if done right and successfully their kids can end up shutting themselves in. It's not right to expect parents to take care of their 25-30 year old hikki kid. If a hikki hasn't learned to take care of himself well into adult hood he is also to blame (with exceptions). So if they gave an honest attempt at help and it didn't work out, they have the right to kick them out of their house.

Being homeless sucks. Had to do it a few times, but it didn't bother me much since I was homeless a lot as a kid. It's not much different from being a NEET tbh, only that you constantly have to keep moving.

That and inconsistent internet.

Food isn't hard to secure if you know where to look or you can donate plasma to get quick cash. Sleeping outside is scary, but just keep a small blade on you , just in case, you know? That always helped me sleep.

I hope your life gets better, OP, so you don't have to learn these things first hand. It really messes with your head, being homeless.

>>5698

How are you doing, OP? Are you still around? Polite sage.

>>5593

I'd love to make money at home but I can't think of anything I could actually do since I never went to college

I've always wanted to do translations but I can never find the motivation to learn Japanese and I don't think I could learn it in 3 or 4 months before they kick me out

>>5595

>I'd love to make money at home but I can't think of anything I could actually do since I never went to college

Try to build up your skills.

>>5512

As I wrote here: >>5681

>>5593

I've seen these questions quiet a few times and I feel like answering it now.

I have knowledge on basic electronics, I have the materials and the ability to make basic circuits, and with the help of the internet I could manage to make something complex (probably).

Do you think I can somehow make some buxes with that?

If you're wondering how I have these materials and knowledge, I'm a college drop out, I got to the third year of electric engineering, dropped out and locked myself in my house ever since.

>>5684

Well, there's plenty indie electronics stuff going on. Look at Crowdsupply for examples.