/hikki/ - Hikikomori

Hello. I was wondering what about living this way, as a hikikomori, makes you feel shame if you do at all. If you don't, that's okay. You are welcome to say why.

For myself it's mostly knowing that my family is frustrated with me. They tell me often things like, "This is disgusting!" in response to seeing the state of my room. However, to me, it doesn't look a mess and I often ignore it. This is shameful to me. But at the same time, I don't feel motivated enough to continuously upkeep things. I may be good for a day before falling into old habits. These comments from my family hurt, as I love them very much and want to do my best for them. If I say that to them, they will tell me to want it harder or that I obviously don't want it enough. A similar shame extends to my friends.

Another thing is that I worry how my community views me. I feel like it will be shameful for my parents to be seen with me if I go outside. I don't want to burden them with my presence. Although in general people have received me warmly in person, I don't know if it's honest.

Other things are just mostly related to comments.

>Are you always online? I see you posting like 24/7.

>Anon, you won't get a boyfriend when you live this way.

>You never go outside, so of course you wouldn't understand this.

>If you actually went outside, you'd…

And so on.

Please share with me, anons. I think you all have interesting viewpoints.

Pic unrelated.

Do you accept the way you are and the way the world is?

I noticed in some posts here some people seem very bitter about the way the world treats them, and of course lots of self hatred. I imagine the only way you could really be content being a hikki is if you somehow lived alone, weren't directly a burden on anyone, and didn't have to deal with normalfags harassing your for being hikki. Then maybe i could see myself not feeling inherently full of self pity for being such a failure. Though being like this for long enough it's impossible to feel miserable all the time, it would kill me. So sometimes i'll get deluded enough thinking that it's not all that bad or even get smug about it thinking about normalfags racing to work and dealing with women as if they're the ones in the wrong here.

So i guess this thread is just asking how you view yourself in a meta sense

>Are you inherently ashamed of being a like this? As in are you bitter about not being able or willing to interact socially?

>Do you feel as if you've let your family down?

>Are you ashamed as a human and member of this society?

Personally i'm not sorry about being the way i am anymore. Thinking like that tore me apart so now i just accept that i'm different. All of my shame and bitterness is towards my family. I feel awful having let down some of my family who have done nothing but support me, but then i'm also bitter towards my mom who never supported me or really took an interest in any of my problems when they arose. And i feel like i'm doing a very insignificant amount of damage to society compared to the average normalfag honestly. Though i'm not bitter towards normal people. I do realize that I'm the malcontent.

How do you guys deal with Anxiety or panic attacks? (but I don't know what the fuck they're exactly called)

I have them ~3 times a week. During that 'moment' I feel incredibly hopeless and I just lay on the side of my bed. Occasionally I would cry but most of the time I get this tingly feeling on the skin of my hands etc. and I genuinely feel scared that I'll die.

It sucks because I don't really have anyone else to talk to.

I don't know. I thought it would be good to make a thread on this, sharing some advice or maybe let out some steam like me and explain what happens during that moment.

First off, I'll start by stating that I am currently a hikikomori. I have no friends, no girlfriend, and no job. I live with my parents and spend all day in my room. I talk to my parents about 1 or 2 times a day. Outside of that, I rarely ever interact with anyone other than my siblings during special occasions, such as holidays. Similarly, I never leave the house unless it's a special occasion like a holiday. I felt I needed to state that clearly before I continue this post.

On to the purpose of this thread, I was curious about something I read in the board sticky:

>6. Going to your day job not socializing while out at work going home and staying in your room for the rest of the night is NOT AND DOES NOT MAKE YOU A Hikikomori being a hikikomori and a shy introverted person are not the same thing.

>(Pretenders and normalfags will be banned).

>7. If you are a recovering hikikomori that is okay.

I intend to get a job and move out eventually, as living with my parents at the age of 25 is taking its toll on me. So if I 'were' to get a job, thus no longer being a fully-fledged hikki but rather a 'recovering hikikomori,' how long would I be able to keep that job before I am no longer considered 'recovering' and instead seen as an interloper? When is the cut-off?