/hikki/ - Hikikomori

>>2813

If I were given a face like Brad Pitt, a body like The Rock, and billion dollars in my bank account then yes, I would rejoin society and live my life to the fullest despite having poor social skills. The main reason I'm a hikki is that I lack self confident and ashamed of my loser self. I rather live a recluse life than showing the world my pathetic being.

>>2813

no and no, what i see every day is completely lacking anything resembling a legitimate 'society'…

>>7703

What does she look like, and also a bit curious about this tulpa's persona

>>7695

I've been an occult practitioner for many years now, and I can tell you that Tulpas tend to be a bad idea.

At the end of the day, they share a mind with you, and they tend to be intelligent enough to know you can unmake them just as you've made them. If you fuck up (and you will, eventually, because they know what makes you relax your guard because you share a mind) they will take over.

Keep in mind the practice comes from Buddhist monasteries, where the people practicing it are constantly surrounded by a multitude of people that are watching out for strange behavior and can help in a pinch.

>Can you really make a sentient being inside of your mind?

Certainly. After all, everything your senses recognize is created inside your mind.

There's absolutely no way we could create

another consciousness inside of our minds. If the brightest individuals on earth have yet to concieve of a way to observe, model or recreate the inner workings of human consciousness I sincerely doubt us layabout neets are any closer. This is why mental health is such a highly contentious field, because the vast majority of "disorders" or "illnesses" can only be pathologised through behavior. Our brains might as well be regarded as a black box when spectulating about this shit

It doesn't sound completely ridiculous to me. If going insane is possible, then going insane on purpose and controlling the result might be possible as well, to some extent. Not something that I would personally try. Too risky, and I don't think it would be all that fulfilling. And I'm way too stubborn to just abandon reality like that. Still, I wouldn't say that it's necessarily an irrational choice. Reality is bad enough that it makes complete sense to try to run away from it sometimes.

Moemon emerald and Deus Ex mankind divided have been my jamz this week

I guess I don't have the problem of communicating to people over a game like some of you guys seem to. Sure, some experiences talking to others devolve into awkwardness at times but for the most part I don't think I'm bad at it. So multiplayer games work great for me. I've been playing Destiny 2, CS:GO, Insurgency: Sandstorm, Halo MCC, and Monster Hunter World and Freedom Unite and have made a decent amount of online gaming buddies.

>>7507

yeah i love my vita. although i mostly play psp games on mine with adrenaline.

>>343

I play Heroes of might and magic, doom, quake, visual novels, strategy games, mmorpg, and so on

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMqvRDNqdOo&list=PL26E7BDB58BC5E27A&index=4

>>7658

Some music I found recently that I really enjoyed

Not really an interesting link, but the Bromite browser for Android is fast as hell and has built-in Adblock. It's noticeably faster than Firefox + Adblock plugin. Free and open source.

New documentary.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZRO0sttwDZM4FYZ4kvPfvw/

>>7692

I deliberately stick to very popular subjects/fandoms so that I'm able to get away with my mediocre skills. We could discuss this in more detail if you want (discord or wherever), because I feel I should spare everyone the pain of reading about the intricacies of some of these cringey fandoms. Either way, interacting with people who want commissions was scary at first I'll admit, but after a little while I realized that they all basically act either very nice/polite, or like fucking spazoid autists that can barely form a coherent sentence, so I just look at them as such.

>>7694

I have many, but I want to know this important question in this hikki understanding environment- is it necessary to be "social" on twitter like interacting and befriending other artists in order to get commissions? The end goal is to bring people to your commissions page, whoever that maybe. I don't want to befriend or talk to someone on the internet regularly; its true that I don't trust people (especially failed normalfags on twitter/youtube who are all sociopaths, pursuing their goals to live in Hollywood for fame, like a bucket of degenerate crabs) but its also mentally straining for me to talk to someone regularly. Even posting to craft the best message here that I can without over-explaining, or being too vague etc. eats up a lot of time (and a bit of anxiety) so I rarely post and enjoy being anonymous.

tl;dr having decent online presence or an identity to maintain tires me enough but I can't handle having to 'make connections' or talk to people regularly.

>>7710

Okay, so the most I ever do is 'follow' other nsfw artists, and OCCASIONALLY comment positive things like "the shading here is so well done etc etc". The reason I do this is to establish a presence among the community. I never have actual conversations with anyone, and the closest I ever come to conversations are when people ask me for commissions, but those are usually very brief and require only 'yes/no' answers.

Hope that helps. I very much understand wanting to avoid conversation at all costs, but if you've got any questions feel free to ask.

>>7713

I totally understand wanting to remain anonymous, but would it be possible for me to see some of your work? I'm curious as to what type of content another hikki produces.

>>7663

I've had dreams with recurring themes since childhood. There's really only a couple. It's usually nighttime, near midnight. I'm always alone. Occasionally I meet people during my dream, but we always split up. Any bathroom floors in my dreams are always filthy and unevenly tiled with large puddles of urine covering the floor. During nightmares there's a gigantic, unseen, unknowable entity chasing me.

I do wonder if all of this means anything. Come to think of it, I've never had any of the supposedly common dreams, what with teeth falling out and public nudity and all.

The dreams are real life. This is a dream. Stop waking up. Works for me.

Most of my dreams are cryptic and cinematic. I wish I could go live there.

I wonce dreamed that I was hugging a woman down the street and across from a waffle house. Never been their but that's with I saw. I pivot with my eyes closed. There was a chain link fence that separated a yard that ended in dimly illuminated. The house was white plastic siding, the kind with '\' shape going down the side. The hug feels warm and continuous. I join her in said. She dismisses her self to take a shower. The room is dimly lit in green. there is a bed to my left under a large slated window with plants. Other the window the room is dark. I distract myself by sitting down at the table (low coffee table) and start painting on red (#ea360e) paint over a scratch on a pencil case. I'm using a wired paint brush that has a 3 way tip made of gray metal felt and a slender black handle. The three parts of the brush make me think of tulips.

After that I wake up.

I don't dream a lot. This is the most complicated dream I've had.

>>7663

Several years ago I used to have nightmares every single night without exception, ranging from bad psychedelic trips in dream form to being trapped as a spectator in first-person view to me butchering people sometimes randomly in city alleyways other times during large battles, occasionally getting tortured and feeling every bit of it. One day I just decided to skip sleeping for as long as I could, and went to sleep 6 days later around 5am. Ever since then sleeping during the day is fine, but sleeping during the day is an almost guaranteed nightmare.

Nowadays my dreams are often random and quickly forgotten, but there is a roughly bi-weekly night where I dream I'm aboard a gigantic deserted spaceship. Sometimes I start in the same spot, sometimes not, but it is always the same spaceship for over the years I've come to recognize many parts of it and draw out a rough map of it on paper. Cafeterias, sleeping dormitories, bathrooms with row upon row of sinks and showers, luxurious guest chambers, the cavernous engineering room with what looked like several inert gigantic nuclear reactors, weapon decks that stretch way beyond what my eyes can see, alleyways and corridors that range from barely being traversable while crouched to big enough to fit at least a dozen cars alongside one another half that on top of each other, a couple times I stumbled upon a behemoth of an embarkation deck with several bulky spacecraft (by the looks of it they were cargo or light troop transports, they had no visible weaponry and relatively light armor) and cranes and crates stacked everywhere. The most bizarre part of this continuous dream (does such a term apply here?) is that I always have an urge to go somewhere specific and that's how I discover new areas amidst the stupendously large labyrinth of copy-and-paste corridors and tunnels, as if my legs are moving off of muscle memory or I'm being guided/manipulated. I've also never been able to find a bridge, porthole, or any kind of text either - only roman numericals in various colours from time to time. Unfortunately I wake up randomly as far as I can tell, sometimes I walk and explore until the pain in my legs gets so bad that if I stop walking I'll just collapse, other times I wake up having only walked through nondescriPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>3916

Overdosing on Ritalin is worse than ODing on Meth. I know this from experience.

>>2397

that pic looks comfy af

>>4903

>that pic looks comfy af

I know right i wish a hoodie like that actually existed.

>>2692

Turmeric is anti-inflammatory. I have relatives who take it for their joints. What you are experiencing is the Placebo Effect.

Give up scrollable websites like reddit, youtube, even 8ch. They give your brain frequent doses of dopamine hits and eventually any task needing longer time to get rewards will bore you.

Thats a sure fire way to improve attention span

>>6308

Wow both self and persona archetypes are The Joker (?)

Logician - INTP-T

Neutral Good Human Sorcerer (2nd Level)

Ability Scores:

Strength- 12

Dexterity- 12

Constitution- 11

Intelligence- 13

Wisdom- 12

Charisma- 12

Self archetype - The Wise Old Man

Persona archetype - Innocent Child

INFP-T

Lawful Neutral Human Monk (2nd level)

Strength: 10

Dexterity: 13

Constitution: 14

Intelligence: 10

Wisdom: 11

Charisma: 10

>>6308

Self archetype - The Innocent Child

Persona archetype - The Innocent Child

Wouldn't agree with either of those

Mediator INFP-T

Chaotic Neutral Human Monk (2nd Level)

Strength- 11

Dexterity- 13

Constitution- 14

Intelligence- 12

Wisdom- 13

Charisma- 10

Hikikomori and the Lost Decade

Daily Life of 引きこもり

youtube play list all videos

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLADFE6FAE8A91986B

HIKIKOMORI, A DEAFENING SILENCE

Inside A Rehab Center For Hikikomori ASIAN BOSS Documentary

>>7552

What's the text from?

>>7548

Sometimes you just get born into a crazy, evil family through no fault of your own. They were fucked up even before you were born, and none of it was your fault. They deliberately try to destroy your self-esteem to stimulate themselves and to maintain control over you. You don't have to feel bad about yourself because of people like that, and it definitely doesn't mean that you will never be able to interact with healthy people.

>>7548

At least we have this suffering in common. Worthless as it may seem, a bit of solidarity can make the crippling emptiness of this existence just bit more bearable. I also grow more scared everyday of never making it out if this lonely vacuum, of never becoming self sufficient or finding any true happiness. This life without passion, direction, or the nourishment of genuine human connection is wearing me down faster than father time himself and his clock seems to tick exponentially faster by the year.

.Get up around noon

.make coffee

.Browse for about 20 minutes and think about what I need to get done today (I do 2D animation so I either have to draw new keyframes in sketchbook or do in-betweens)

.Work on animations for around 1&1/2 hour

.Eat while watching something on Youtube

.Distracted animation work for another 2 hours

.Take break/eat while watching Youtube

.Either assess that I can't get any more meaningful work done today, eat and go to bed

Or

.Last hour of work, eat and go to bed

I'm trying to make this an every day thing but there's some days where there's zero motivation whatsoever

>>1406

Hiki doesn't mean all sugar. There is sugar in bread and milk and most plants are basically just one big sugar. I suspect Hekki means cut out table sugar, like the kind you put in tea or coffee and some times sprinkle on cereal. Also include sugar in manufactured foods like soda and candy. Just think of how hekki feel now the same way x-smokers think about cigarettes; they really don't like them.

That said, I can recommend cutting out table sugar. It really makes a difference, even if your not overweight to start with.

Wake up at random times, depends when i sleep

>take tablets

>get on PC browse favourite sites

>play a game if i can muster enough energy

>usually just watch videos/anime

>eat whenever hungry

>shower every day or every two days because i don't like feeling dirty

I sleep whenever im tired and sometimes when im depressed that can be sleep 8 hours, stay awake 8 hours and then sleep again. Can barely function unless i've slept a full 8 hours.

Usually spend all day watching streams of people playing games as it gives me some sense of company and I don't have the energy to play them myself

I feel the same way, anon. I mean I'll still eat till I'm full and listen to music and shit, but I don't really find it fulfilling or really that enjoyable. And all that shit I don't have, all that shit i desired for so long, a lover, friends, a healthy body, a "dream" job, and all that shit seems like just even more work which would be neither fulfilling nor enjoyable. It's just a feeling of "So, this is really all there is to life." that I've been getting lately. I just can't fathom the attraction.

The worst time of year has got to be my birthday. I don't want to know I'm yet another year older.

I like the heat of summer which makes time move faster.

Proximal, shrieking, womanly noise is constant year-round from my teenage sisters

They go out during summers so I like that season better than others.

Fall with its crappy holiday TV, or if not TV they always bring Halloween, Christmas and new college students online every fall, and two family gathering holidays in a row.

Ultimate hikikomori anthem.

I know there are no lyrics and so nothing that directly relates to isolation or being hikki but I feel such strong emotions listening to this I hope it's okay

ひきこもりの唄』Demo【crunch blue オリジナル曲】

>>6893

Funny

BANG YONGGUK Hikikomori.

>>7301

(cont)

>have you considered killing yourself because of that, to escape this damned cycle?

Boy, have I. Not a day goes by where I don't think of it at least once. I'm very deeply embedded in suicidal ideation and all my most common everyday fantasies are suicide related. I'm too cowardly too kill myself however, as much as I want to, so I'm left just impatiently waiting to somehow die unexpectedly for now. Definitively speaking, I don't want anything out of life. Not friends, not love, nor anything else. I might dream about such things, but I know better than to be foolish enough to wish for them to appear in some form in the aggressive, cesspit of the real world. It's all futile, rotten and of no value and I'd rather just fade back into non-existence.

>Even if I had the perfect live, I probably still would feel dissatisfied… There's just no fun in the world like in fiction.

Exactly. I'd much rather just be rid of it all for good. No matter the circumstance, the world is a deeply hollow & disappointing place that's simply not worth getting invested in. People are ugly, selfish letdowns that will always leave you unfulfilled and vice versa to them. Anything else always leads to dead ends & boredom. My dreams are my only consolation, but even that itself is worthless. Eventually even those dreams would become stale & unwelcoming. I suffer in the absence of poisonous things that aren't worth having, in a wretchedly dull world that isn't worth living on. And it's all quite a predicament, really.

>and at a later point even "hidden gems" my seem boring due to you knowing of a similar scenario already.

I wish I played more "hidden gems", since, in my case, I usually enjoy them. I finished Arx Fatalis for the first time a number of days ago and had a bit of fun with it, as an example. It's just so hard to find the motivation to sit down & play something. Feels like all I can do, or wantPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>7301

>>7302

Your post made me tear up, it was very well written. It's probably because I can heavily relate to a lot of your thoughts.

>>4641

Yes I have this too. It's like I'm talking to what I construe is someone off the television or met before. I think it's the lacking of a cognitive distortion that people (the object that another consciousness represents) exists inside you and not inside the body that it came form. All you ever have of anyone is memories. Even when they are dead, what they were even in the moments after you became conscious of their speaking (or other sensory input) is only ever present inside you. Thinking that people live inside their bodies is not a concrete component; it's a leap to think that the consciousness is localized to the thing it's coming out of and not just a parsing process inside of you. Think like a Turing machine: Do you know it's alive because there is a consciousness inside of it or are you just falsely detecting the presence of a consciousness? The machine was never really conscious, you just were tricked and here is where the cognitive distortion lyes.

DSM5.PD.Cluster-A seems to not be exclusionary to 引きこもり、Etiology speaking this is mostly likely a co-morbidity of the 2 conditions. What I suspect is really going on is that your brain is too easily tripping so these sorts of realities are easer to perceive. Original symptomatology described would be indicated by Cluster-A.