>>7745
>You have very little that you like, so loss hurts you quite a lot.
Hmm, yes & no. Like I said, when our cat died I barely felt anything at all, except confusion, and later spergy anger, at how inert I was. If anything, that whole experience taught me how little I seem to care about losing what little I have, despite always fearing the opposite and the pain that'd bring. These days, the only things I fear losing are my parents. Mostly my mother and, to a lesser extent, my father. Not too long ago it was actually a bit unclear, and still is to some extent, whether my father had/has throat cancer. I remember my mother knocked on my door in a panic one night and, at first, I assumed it was because the test results had come back with a terminal diagnosis for him. In the end, it turned out to be something else, but, even still, before I opened the door, that thought that my father may literally be dying & gone forever soon, hit me like a ton of bricks. I was quite startled at how much it was spiking my anxiety levels & making me panic, despite the fact that I barely even interact with him these days, nor hold him in much concern 99.9% of the time. Either way, I really seem to have underestimated how well I'd handle that kind of situation. If, and when, my mother is in that situation, I'll probably end up going mad with grief/anxiety/dread before even the first day is out. A sneak preview of the anguish that's to come, I guess.
>Even the things that I own and like, I feel like losing sometimes, just so I can be free. I feel suffocated by my own stuff.
I can heavily relate to that, actually. Both in a basic materiel sense & a more figurative one. Was thinking of buying a VR headset with my NEETbux just the other day, but what would be the point? Just one more glorified paper weight that I'll never use, becoming yet another empty possession hanging off my neck that I chastise myself for buying. Hell, I have a whole entertainment system in here, (tower speakers, with an ST60 mounted on the wall & everything), and I haven't even turned it on or used it in well over a year, Post too long. Click here to view the full text.
