Parents 引きこもり 05/21/18 (Mon) 09:40:55 78c950 No. 5637 [View All]
Do you blame your parents for you becoming a hikikomori?. Or are you thankful that they are supportive in providing you with whatever you need in your isolation?.
For me i have mixed feelings on one hand i'm very thankful of them for being supportive in providing me with whatever i need in my isolation while on the other hand i'm angry at them because they pressured me too much growing up to follow society's rules and expectations and their own expectations as well and they still do it to this day . I'm also angry that they never took the time to sit down listen to me and hear me out and ask me how are you feeling?? or what's wrong?? and so on.
What is your relationship with your parents like? also do you communicate with your parents or are you completely withdrawn from your family as well?.
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引きこもり 05/30/18 (Wed) 02:06:20 78c950 No. 5716
>>5640
> I decided I didn't want to become a slave to a fulltime job, I
This is basically one of the reasons i continue to live as a hikineet.i don't want to follow society's bullshit.
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引きこもり 06/03/18 (Sun) 09:04:41 db0e74 No. 5734
The last years I was living with my mother I had just dropped out of school and stayed home all day. After a while my mom grew accustomed to it understanding my anxiety and so on.For a while it went pretty well until my mom invited her bf to the home. He would often argue with my mother and make a lot of noise playing LOL and playing shitty music as he was a NEET as well. I couldn't stand it and it got even worse when my mother gave birth to his child. They began to argue even more and to add to all that was the constant baby crying.I hated hearing my mom scream and I hated seeing her cry so much. I moved out to my grandparents home after a year or so of that. When I told my mother she began to cry saying I was leaving her alone and that I hated her.She was also worried because she wouldn't be able to keep an eye on me as to make sure I wouldn't try to kill myself or not take my medication. I really did feel like shit for leaving her.Now years later she tells me she was just overreacting even though she does misses me but I really do feel like I betrayed her.
Lately now she has been pressuring me to come out of the house to get back into education and to start working. She tells me I am capable of many great things like a teacher or writer. Ever since I was a child she had unrealistic expectations of me telling me I could be president or a very important person. When I did shitty at school she would get so angry at me telling me I was better than that. For a while I have been getting her off my back by telling her that I will go to my dad to have him get me a job for the company he works for. She isn't as supportive as she use to be but I understand.
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引きこもり 06/16/18 (Sat) 05:03:27 b6bade No. 5807
Sorry in advance for the long post, but this struck a nerve with me for some reason.
I was raised by a single mom who moved us a lot and I never really coped well with always being the new kid. What "friends" I made were only such at school, never outside of that environment. And since we moved a lot I never kept those relationships for longer than a school year. It seems to me that I'd only last at a school for one grade before moving on. I've always been the loner, and not by choice, just happened to be so. From the time I entered the school system till the day I dropped out I was never in the same school for long, and if I had to guess the root cause of the fuckup I am today, it'd be the lack of stability in my social circle growing up. I never had the chance to have long-term friendships or any of the numerous things you do with normal social relations.
But I also just was never normal from the start. In school I was incredibly hyper, and would have violent outbursts, so badly that teachers and staff would have to hold me down until I calmed. This was during elementary school and I was written off as having ADHD but my psychiatrist now thinks it was undiagnosed autism/aspergers. I don't remember that well but apparently I was severely bullied in my elementary years, so bad I'd often leave school early. As that started to happen, my mom would fight with every school we'd go to about not protecting me, or helping enough and had varying disagreements with them. And that's part of why I switched schools so much.
As I got older and transitioned to middle school I was no longer having violent outbursts and such but I grew verbally and used my language to "challenge" the schools I was in. I questioned authority, anyone, nonstop and with this came another diagnosis: Oppositional Defiant Disorder. At some point though I "switched" and became quiet and stopped going to school. I'd stay home in my room playing video games, being severely depressed for no reason I could articulately point out. I barely managed to finish 8th grade, and during my freshman year of high school I'd stop going for months at a time until I eventually just completely stopped going.
So I've been in my room since I was 16, now turning 21 this year. Through this time my mom has enabled my lifestyle but has also continued searching for the right help for me, though I tell her there is none. She believes in some kind of rehabilitation it seems. So, I could blame her partially for the way I am but I'm also just fundamentally flawed and there's no helping that. I'm thankful that my mom still loves me though I'm as much of a disappointment as you can get.
If anything, I feel bad for her. I always imagine what she must have to make up when someone asks "Oh, what does your son do?" How awful it must be to either lie or have to tell the truth. It fucking hurts me thinking of that. I wish I could be a success for my mom's sake. But I'm not.
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引きこもり 06/16/18 (Sat) 08:25:41 4b135a No. 5808
>>5807
>I was raised by a single mom who moved us a lot and I never really coped well with always being the new kid.
I had a similar experience, though I was moved around much less. We moved about 4 times in my early childhood, so I never kept any friends during formative years, and then moved once more to another country when I was 14.
>What "friends" I made were only such at school, never outside of that environment.
It's interesting that the exact same thing was in my case as well. I wasn't even very anti-social at school, a bit quiet maybe. I never had many acquaintances, and the few I had were just kids I hung out with at school, never outside. There was a short period where I had no one to hang out with and I got bullied pretty badly, got beat up on almost a daily basis until I got sick of it and started fighting back.
>and with this came another diagnosis: Oppositional Defiant Disorder
That honestly just sounds like some buzzword psychiatrists came up with for people that don't do what they're told and questions things so that they have an excuse to pump them full of pills.
Were there any individuals you spent time with for longer periods of time (online friends count as well)? If so, was it difficult for you to bond with them? Did they have the same issues with you or did they seem to like you?
How much did your mother coddle you? Did she ever make you face any issues yourself or was it all her? My mother used to often butt into my affairs when it would have been more beneficial for me to learn to overcome those obstacles myself and I think that's part of the reason why I am as passive about most things as I am. >>5719 was an interesting read and the abandonment or abundance section talks about this, specifically the abundance bit.
What's your relationship with your mother like nowadays? Do you still talk to her? Have you considered talking to her about how you feel and how you could possibly get out of this rut?
Based on what you typed up here excuse the assumptions and judging it doesn't seem to me like you're a lost cause just yet. You seem to be pretty harsh on yourself, but that's to be expected. After all, we're our own worst critics.
One last thing I want to add; depending on how well you get on with your mother, I'd suggest you ask her whether she makes up something or tells the truth about what her son does, ask her how it makes her feel. Perhaps that'll be enough, or at the very least some encouragement for you to get out there.
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引きこもり 06/16/18 (Sat) 21:02:27 b6bade No. 5810
>>5808
>That honestly just sounds like some buzzword psychiatrists came up with for people that don't do what they're told and questions things so that they have an excuse to pump them full of pills.
I agree, thankfully my mom wouldn't let them drug me into submission.
>Were there any individuals you spent time with for longer periods of time (online friends count as well)? If so, was it difficult for you to bond with them? Did they have the same issues with you or did they seem to like you?
I had the occasional school year where I'd spend most of it at a single school and sometimes had acquaintances/friends at school but I wouldn't say I ever bonded with anyone. And with online "friends" I've never kept them either. I have the habit of "ghosting" people after a month, sometimes just weeks. I randomly delete people or just create another account so I don't have to deal with them.
>How much did your mother coddle you? Did she ever make you face any issues yourself or was it all her?
My mom was probably too protective I'd say. She was never a tough parent.
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引きこもり 06/17/18 (Sun) 17:40:50 8a29a1 No. 5819
i have three siblings who turned out "fine" (they're all narcissistic assholes though), so i'm not sure i can blame my parents' upbringing for my failure at life.
I think it's mostly genetics in the end, and i simply got the short end of the stick.
but my mom certainly wasn't much of a help. she'd often butt into my conversations, hindering me from speaking my own mind.
she probably thought she was helping me, but really she was just further crippling my ability to socialize.
she'd also constantly monitor me in social situations, glaring at me and judging me for being too asocial. which only served to make me even more reserved and nervous.
it'd stress me out so much i'd feel anxious even when my mom wasn't around.
it's still not really her fault however, i've always been a strange kid and it's easy for people to dislike or ignore me.
and so i haven't had a proper conversation with any one since i dropped out of hs 6 years ago, not even with my family.
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引きこもり 06/25/18 (Mon) 02:09:36 78c950 No. 5844
>>5819
>i have three siblings who turned out "fine" (they're all narcissistic assholes though),
I don't know if my 3 younger sisters are narcissistic or anything but for the most part they did turn out fine unlike me.
>My mom certainly wasn't much of a help. she'd often butt into my conversations, hindering me from speaking my own mind.
This happened to me too when i was a kid and she still does it to this day she has a tendency to answer questions for me on my behalf when i get asked something.
>She'd also constantly monitor me in social situations, glaring at me and judging me for being too asocial. which only served to make me even more reserved and nervous.
>it'd stress me out so much i'd feel anxious even when my mom wasn't around.
I know that feel anon.
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Post last edited at 06/25/18 (Mon) 02:12:42
引きこもり 06/27/18 (Wed) 20:40:58 dd6860 No. 5870
I feel more sorry for them then anything.
I can't shake the feeling of disappointment when around them and it hurts, I don't want to cause them pain.
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引きこもり 06/30/18 (Sat) 07:53:30 c35ec0 No. 5876
I acknowledge that my parents arent the direct reason Im a hikki but they certainly did not help to prevent it at all. Ive had problems for years and they never ever once tried to help me with it. They like to pretend that this is some sort of new development but its been slowly growing ever since I was little and they refused to help even though I never hid what was happening, they just didnt care to help.
Even though my grandmother never helped me deal with stuff she has been super supportive of me and is offering to leave where we live now to an apartment where it will be just me and her instead of my mom being there too since my mom just makes everything worse and is trying to kick me out because I wont find a job. Thankfully she seems to have had enough with me and is just leaving me alone and my sleep schedule helps out a lot since she is asleep when Im awake.
Honestly I couldnt give a shit what she thinks since she had it easy as hell growing up and everything she ever wanted she got. The sooner Im away from her the better, her kicking me out is kind of a blessing. I dont give a fuck what anyone thinks, if people are happy being a slave at their shitty 80 hour a week plus overtime jobs where theyre treated like shit and paid way less than what theyre worth thats fine, but they can never shame me into giving up what little I have to destroy my soul at some shithole. There is no real reason anyone could give me that makes that something noble or that working is something to be proud of, not even my parents or my grandmother could make me feel bad for it anymore.
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引きこもり 07/01/18 (Sun) 02:30:28 ac1918 No. 5877
>>5807
Mate this is right on the money, Only two differences. I'm 24 now and I study online, Everything else is bloody nearly exactly the same and it's so prevalent insociety it's not even funny any more. As I say this though in response to you're post as it moved me so much, we are connecting and in our "Own Way" forming community's.
I feel your pain and I have the same family structure with 3 silbings and no father. My mother was single, abused relationships and we took from that. It's so sad to see but society is falling apart.
People like us are going to prepared and ready for when it does in my opinion.
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引きこもり 07/07/18 (Sat) 13:52:59 18e727 No. 5921
I don't blame them for it. The only thing i'm a little bit resentful about is they pretty much gave up on me after i got diagnosed with autism and got sent to a sped school. I guess they just kinda accepted that i would never amount to anything.
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引きこもり 07/15/18 (Sun) 20:18:11 c46b71 No. 6006
My Father lost out on retirement and recently lost his job.
My Mother is dying of cancer.
And all i can do is sit locked away doing nothing.
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引きこもり 07/15/18 (Sun) 23:05:11 b22051 No. 6007
I do blame my parents. They were cruel to me as a child: constant put-downs, criticisms, every five seconds a new humiliation to endure. They both brushed me off when I was being bullied at school, and neither of them bothered to give me advice when I asked. I went into school a neurotic mess and couldn't stand up for myself in any situation.
Neither of them made any attempt to bond yet somehow expect me to love them. My father was always finding new ways to spend less money on me. It always felt like I was somehow wasting his money by existing. My father never gave me a kind word but when he came home he'd expect me to pretend to be happy to see him, otherwise he'd be furious.
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引きこもり 07/17/18 (Tue) 04:22:19 78c950 No. 6023
>>6006
>My Father lost out on retirement and recently lost his job.
>My Mother is dying of cancer.
>And all i can do is sit locked away doing nothing.
What is your plan after both of your parents die anon?
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引きこもり 07/25/18 (Wed) 13:23:51 866a4e No. 6127
>grew up the 3rd child in a family of 6
>parents often exercised social pressure on me
>they'd often get my siblings to side against me over some stupid shit
>say thing
<I think you said other thing
>n-no
<who here heard anon say this!
>everyone agrees
>even though they weren't paying attention/didn't care
>some even fucking admit to hearing it my way even though they agreed with my parents
>lose massive amounts of confidence because of this
>constantly doubt myself every fucking second of my life
>every second of my life I'm constantly wondering if what I'm actually doing is what i think it is.
>follow this up with any time I ever asked an honest question I'd get some look like I'm retarded or something
>never actually get answers
This is a great way to make your child socially inept
>>6023
I don't have plans.
If anything, I'd probably just die with them.
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引きこもり 07/25/18 (Wed) 17:00:55 698802 No. 6128
>>6127
That is really messed up anon, gaslighting is straight up psychological abuse. Did you ever get any medical help?
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引きこもり 07/30/18 (Mon) 14:26:31 eb91c1 No. 6196
I absolutely blame them.
>>6007
My situation was similar. My dad was and is a monstrous bully with zero redeeming characteristics. He would constantly torment the rest of the family for some sick animalistic pleasure. He demanded perfection, but whenever I showed signs of achieving something he couldn't he would try to sabotage me. When I was 9 I showed an interest in playing piano. While I was playing he would sneak up behind me and scare me. I stopped trying pretty quickly after that. In school I showed an aptitude in math. During a casual conversation about my math classes one day he suddenly went on a rant about how he failed calculus in college because it was impossible and designed to humiliate you and that I could never pass calculus. To this day I maintain an irrational fear of calculus, even though I know better. This environment was so unhealthy that when I was a child I genuinely believed that hating everyone and everything else was the only way to have an identity.
My mom was and is highly religious, so she never once stood up to him even though I know she hates him too because she thinks she'll go to hell if she does. This religiousness of hers also made her completely useless as a mother, because whenever I tried to talk to her about a problem, she'd just say "Give it to Jesus." While she was emotionally unavailable she nevertheless expected me to make her feel better whenever something put her in a sad mood. I gradually learned to close myself off to her for my own emotional health.
Understandably, my brother was a rebellious problem child, and not once did I ever hate him for this. In fact, when he turned 18 and tried to become more "respectable," I actually lost a significant degree of respect for him.
My parents also forced me to attend a Calvinist private school for my entire schooling. If you know anything about Christianity, you'll know that Calvinism is one of the most fucked up, brutal, and authoritarian sects. Our principal and several teachers downright enjoyed punishing students. I had one teacher who would deliberately humiliate individual students, which I was one of, in front of the rest of the class. This did nothing to increase my trust in authority figures or society in general.
To compound problems I also have rather low-functioning autism, so I can't get a job and live on my own even if I wanted to. I can't even develop a skill like drawing because my parents are extremely nosy and will ruin anything I try to do.
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引きこもり 08/01/18 (Wed) 21:40:48 0cea82 No. 6213
>>6128
I had a period where i was basically going through a mental breakdown.
I couldn't function at all, my heart would jump beats and it'd beat really fast when around anyone.
I would often faint.
My parents did take me to the doctor for this, they thought i had some sort of physical medical problems, like diet health and shit.
When going to the doctors they basically just said it was all in my head, which was i guess true I'll never fucking know but i assume in hindsight that it's true
The thing is they threw it off in such a dismissive and insulting way.
Not even recommending anything for it, just a "ur just dumb, gtfo" sort of thing.
This was then followed by more looks at me like I'm a fucking retard, and my dad complaining that i cost him money on a medical bill.
I pretty much never want to see another doctor in my life after that.
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引きこもり 08/10/18 (Fri) 01:57:03 78c950 No. 6249
>>5641
>Yes and no. A big part of it is me simply being introverted and wanting to be alone, but also my parents brought me up in a way to be very passive which led to people constantly taking advantage of me which I got sick of.
I don't blame you anon.
>I am thankful I have a small room and enough food to eat.
Same here.
>I do try to keep what I consume or otherwise need to a minimum though.
This as well.
>Before I even became a hikki I went to me father and explained to him that I thought something was mentally not right with me because of anti social tendencies that started to develop and worsen. All I asked for was to maybe get a psychological evaluation or something, but he more or less just shrugged it off and told me nothing is wrong with me. Since then he hasn't asked me if I'm alright or sat down with me for a talk or anything, and because of the previous situation I refuse to ask for help ever again.
It sounds like he didn't take the fact that you probably had something wrong with you seriously.
>I haven't talked to my mother for 9 years because she left my father, and by extension my siblings and myself for another man. She tried to contact me many times by means of postcards and such and she used to send birthday cards, but I ignored them and eventually they stopped coming.
Occh anon i know what that's like when parents split up my parents divorced when i was 7 and i was forced to live in two separate houses.
>I don't talk much with my father either. The rare occasion I do see my father he asks me when I'm going to start working, since he has connections and I could start working within a couple days if I really wanted to. Normally I respond with something along the lines of 'dunno' and that's about the extend of our usual
Me and my father have the exact same kind of conversations and he's always bitching at me for not working.
>I don't talk with them nor my siblings since I try to avoid them as well
I technically still talk to my parents because i don't have a choice and they help support me financially however as far as my siblings i don't talk to them.
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引きこもり 08/11/18 (Sat) 17:59:22 dcd9d9 No. 6256
>>6196
>my parents are extremely nosy and will ruin anything I try to do.
How would you feel about disappearing? Straight up just saving enough money to move to a new location far enough away to never run into anyone from your old life and then just starting anew. It seems like you're never going to let yourself grow so long as you have to stand up to your parents to do so. Maybe someday you can return to your old life once you've grown enough into yourself to stand up to your parents. You'll probably never be friends with them, but maybe someday you'll at least be able to move back to your current area without regressing
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引きこもり 08/11/18 (Sat) 19:07:00 eb91c1 No. 6257
>>6256
I appreciate the suggestion, but I'm too autistic to survive on my own. I couldn't hold down a job because I have terrible sleep problems, being in public overloads my senses, and casual rejections make me feel miserable for days afterwards.
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引きこもり 09/19/18 (Wed) 12:21:52 685188 No. 6422
I don't really understand what they think. My mom quite clearly isn't happy about me never going outside or talking to people but she has never even slightly pushed my to change. Recently she even started talking about trying to get me on social security because i "never leave the house and don't do anything". My dad seems completly indifferent to the situtation.
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引きこもり 09/30/18 (Sun) 14:13:44 d8456f No. 6447
its their fault for raising me in isolation, but at least they recognize that and take responsibility for their failure so i cant be mad at them
after all, theyre all i have
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引きこもり 09/30/18 (Sun) 18:31:17 fa994e No. 6449
I don't blame my folks, despite their actions, for the simple reason that I don't belive they could've predicted that I would ever turn out this way, that I could ever get this bad. By the time they realized this was a problem that wasn't just going to work itself out on It's own, I was already too far gone, it was too late and there was nothing they could do - nothing they can do.
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引きこもり 10/01/18 (Mon) 10:44:30 cb3e82 No. 6451
I don't blame my parents at all, they aren't to blame for the choices that I made. I do consider myself lucky though, me and my father have always been close and he's fine with the idea of multi-generational living. As I'm getting older though I get more anxiety about whether or not I should get a job.
I just can't do it, I'll get the motivation for it sometimes and then it'll just disappear as soon as it appeared. I don't think I'm built for this modern society. I just want to live in a hermit's hut in the middle of nowhere far from society. I don't want to become a debt slave just to end up working a middle management job. I just want peace and quiet. I don't need much to be happy, just peace and quiet.
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引きこもり 10/03/18 (Wed) 12:34:57 604ac4 No. 6454
>>6447
>its their fault for raising me in isolation, but at least they recognize that and take responsibility for their failure so i cant be mad at them after all, they're all i have
What will you do when your parents die anon?
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引きこもり 10/03/18 (Wed) 12:39:09 604ac4 No. 6456
>>6449
Do you ever see yourself recovering anon?
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引きこもり 10/03/18 (Wed) 12:55:45 604ac4 No. 6458
>>6451
>. As I'm getting older though I get more anxiety about whether or not I should get a job.I just can't do it, I'll get the motivation for it sometimes and then it'll just disappear as soon as it appeared. I don't think I'm built for this modern society. I just want to live in a hermit's hut in the middle of nowhere far from society. I don't want to become a debt slave just to end up working a middle management job. I just want peace and quiet. I don't need much to be happy, just peace and quiet.
That hit too close to home anon yeah i too feel like i'm not capable of functioning in normal society mainly because of all the mental issues i have and the fact that every time i've tried to fit in in the past i always get ostracized and my room is the only safe place that i've known ever since i was a small child but at the same time i have always wanted a place of my own that completely belongs to me away from everyone else.
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引きこもり 10/12/18 (Fri) 09:19:50 e9888e No. 6499
>>5637
Absolutely. Without their abuse, I'd be able to sleep.
>>5810
>ghosting people
I can relate to that. But as expected, I have literally noone to talk to now.
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引きこもり 11/27/18 (Tue) 16:02:47 06ee7c No. 6708
I'm fortunate to have lenient parents I think its because they're libs
my mom is japanese and my dad is american though so I'm a hapa. Luckily I never grew up in japan and lived in america. Middle/high school was where my life got fucked up because of bullying (but its because I had social anxiety and ADD).
I don't really call myself american or japanese, or have any form of solid identity. What fucks me up the most though is the japanese side. Going to family visits to japan felt awkard to me, and I felt like my aunt etc. are passive aggressive towards me or secretly hates me because I'm a hapa and mentally ill. My grandfather had trouble recognizing me too because I didn't look japanese.
My grandfather is dying and soon there will be a funeral for him, so that means visiting japan again and I'm not sure if I should go.
I didn't have a deep connection with him, but he was part of the happy times of my childhood. Grandma's old house was really great, it was where my mom grew up and everything felt comfy.
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引きこもり 11/27/18 (Tue) 22:14:49 3f600e No. 6710
I'm pissed at my parents for giving birth to a retard like me.
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引きこもり 11/28/18 (Wed) 22:55:43 a480ff No. 6723
In my case I think I can safely blame myself. The only thing I can think of my parents doing wrong is coddling me too much and basically becoming "enablers" of this life style.
I'm still scared of the day when they get tired of me and decide to kick me out, I feel like its inevitable at some point.
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引きこもり 12/09/18 (Sun) 19:48:38 7784de No. 6758
>>5637
>Do you blame your parents for you becoming a hikikomori?.
Absolutely. My dad was never interested in me so i was never thought how to be a man. My mom is a gloomy person who always thinks negatively when theres a problem. They never pushed me in school or help me achieve goals, when they were supportive it was weak. With this rickety foundation, its not surprising i amounted to nothing and slumped to isolation since graduating high school.
>Or are you thankful that they are supportive in providing you with whatever you need in your isolation?.
Nope. Its counterproductive since i want to stop being a hikki and make it a phase. Funny thing, I tried to integrate back to normal society by moving with my uncle.I tried getting a job, didn't work out since he wanted me to lie and if i did wouldve been in a no hire list for 5 years.
I did notice some disturbing things while i was there though, it seems the greater family isnt caring for my cousins proper which can lead them to having mental issues low confidence and do regretful things. It looks like im the only one that cares about their future so i cant really play games all day anymore.I have responsibilities now and if i have to work hard for peanuts just to make sure they go through life okay, so be it.
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引きこもり 12/17/18 (Mon) 20:20:27 a0308e No. 6787
my parents used to get into physical fights and then yell at me after and say i was manipulating them to get divorced and tell me i was a horrible person and things like that as a kid
i don't really feel bad for being a burden on them, its probably their fault anyway if i good parents id probably be a normal person
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引きこもり 01/03/19 (Thu) 14:08:12 fa1002 No. 6869
parents are entirely to blame for this. it's their responsibility to prepare you for surviving in modern civilization.
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引きこもり 01/06/19 (Sun) 02:38:46 71bf81 No. 6876
>>5637
I blame nobody but myself for being a lazy cunt who never wanted to do anything with my life.
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引きこもり SAGE! 01/12/19 (Sat) 12:52:50 00140d No. 6884
>>6876
Do what you want, but it's like someone shot you with a gun and you blame yourself for not evading the bullet.
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引きこもり 01/13/19 (Sun) 18:53:21 fa1002 No. 6891
>>6876
>why didn't you just activate bullet time and double backflip dodge the bullet bro?
ok thx for the input, infiltrator cunt.
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引きこもり 01/17/19 (Thu) 14:52:44 e51044 No. 6916
>>6876
You are wrong and you know it. No one just randomly becomes a hikki even if they were lazy.
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引きこもり 01/20/19 (Sun) 15:50:10 a52542 No. 6930
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引きこもり 01/21/19 (Mon) 07:45:35 53c786 No. 6934
>>6930
No offense but whoever wrote this really needs to practice their English
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引きこもり 01/21/19 (Mon) 13:04:19 238373 No. 6935
>>6934
I just assumed the "my parents viewed me learning how to read and write as betraying them" bit had something to do with it.
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引きこもり 01/21/19 (Mon) 18:41:56 a52542 No. 6936
>>5808
>Oppositional Defiant Disorder
is shrink speak for you're very disagreeable; you don't do what people tell you to do. It's really lacking as a technical distinction. Basically they hand it out if you're difficult. It is seen as a precursor to, as an adult, anti-social PD. But, because they don't care why you're acting out and won't necessarily be required to really evaluate weather to say so is strictly accurate, the reasoning for the diagnosis is not concrete and it's not a very meaningful label.
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引きこもり 01/22/19 (Tue) 09:20:27 3ab11d No. 6937
>>6196
> He demanded perfection, but whenever I showed signs of achieving something he couldn't he would try to sabotage me.
I know what that's like. One day I told him I wanted to join a karate class, and he told me that if I made any mistakes in class they'd beat me and "Now do you still want to go?"
> when he turned 18 and tried to become more "respectable," I actually lost a significant degree of respect for him.
What do you mean by "respectable," and why did you lose respect for him? Not a criticism, real question.
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引きこもり 01/23/19 (Wed) 11:34:34 eb91c1 No. 6944
>>6937
My brother suddenly became disturbingly nice and agreeable to the point of obsequiousness. It was like all the abuse finally broke him. He would be polite and complimentary to my dad even while my dad was in the middle of insulting him. Formerly, even though my brother was unreliable I had hoped he would band together with me in a family crisis, but now it felt like finally the entire family was out to get me. He went on to graduate from college and get a normalfag job that he hates, which doesn't do any more to inspire me to change my own situation I suppose.
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引きこもり 02/21/19 (Thu) 17:19:15 1ed23c No. 7085
My parents pampered me. My whole childhood I remember happy memories. Playing at the park. Having petty little fights with my friends then making up later. Inviting the neighbors to play smash bros with me. I was a little weird, but everything was okay.
Then middle school happened. Things changed, I learned about my father (she was a single mom with only me for 13 years), my mom got a new bf, had kids out of wedlock. I was starting to be emotionally neglected, I turned suicidal. I got rejected by a girl I liked. I started hurting people around me, I started stalking people, and hacking things for ego boosts. At one point, my mom just told me to kill myself while I was depressed. The warning signs were all there.
I went through high school after recovering. It was just a phase I thought. But I couldn't work up the courage to talk to anyone. I was alone. My parents didn't think of me the same way anymore. I was estranged from my own family, had no friends. Nothing. All I could do was sit in my room and play video games to try to forget. I was a C-student. I wanted to know what was wrong with me, maybe I had autism. Was I a sociopath? Is my mom a narcissist? I had many questions.
I went to community college and I tried hard. It was something that interested me after all, computer science. But one day, all of a sudden I just had no motivation. I failed all of my classes, and I got an academic suspension. I stopped going to school after that.
There's simply no reason for me to go outside anymore. I've given up. I feel like I've lived my life already. I am content, but I am not content because I am content. I feel like there is so much more that I am missing, but I just don't have the motivation to go out there and put the effort in to get it. I feel empty, dead inside. I still think about that day. How things could have been different. I stare at the ceiling as I think about these sorts of things after playing video games and watching anime at 4 AM. I feel like my mom's nicer to me now than she was back then, but something feels off. Like she's just being nice because she pities me. I'm sad, scared, and lonely. I hate them, but I fear the day that they are not there anymore or if I get kicked out of the house. What will I do?
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引きこもり 04/27/19 (Sat) 09:17:01 604ac4 No. 7388
Have any of you tried to open up to your parents and talk to them about your problems and how you're feeling?
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引きこもり 04/27/19 (Sat) 19:21:41 4d5250 No. 7392
>>5637
>Do you blame your parents for you becoming a hikikomori?
I used to, but then I realized that regardless of their actions, who I was, and would grow to become, was pretty much set in stone from the beginning. I'm simply a defective human being. Boiled down, that's all there is to it. Be that as it may, I have, and will always, strongly regret the fact that they had to go on like so many others do, mindlessly rutting me into existence, without any care as to what the consequences might be, and the lifetime of internal strife & inevitable death that they ultimately condemned me to. And here I am, nearly 30, utterly miserable, more or less alone & waiting to die. Just another waste of space, unthinkingly tossed out into the howling winds of an indifferent & cruel universe, as a result of my parent's base copulation. They say we have no freewill and, of course, it's true. There was nothing anyone could have done and, even in regards to my birth, I can't blame them. They were as chained to their DNA as I am. I rue that day, that very hour I was conceived with all my might, but it's futile to shake one's fists at something that can't be taken back. The passage of time & my eventual death will remedy their mistake. I just wish all the waiting in the meantime didn't hurt so much. Every single day is a struggle. An endurance test towards nothing & nowhere. Whoa nelly, does my head just hurt thinking about it all.
>are you thankful that they are supportive in providing you with whatever you need in your isolation?
Well, it's the least they could do, frankly. Irregardless, I do appreciate their efforts to accommodate me, even though the living arrangements around here used to be very stress inducing, given that, up until late 2016, I never had a room of my own. It was only from then on that I was finally allotted a space of my own, and some small measure of peace & privacy. Keep in mind that my family is rather poor and our house is quite small, so them giving me an entire section of what little space is available here was a long and hard thing to push for. It really wears me out just thinking back on how it all was before and the effort it took to manage all this. Things still ain't perfect, far from it really, but we all get along & get by together rather well. My mother cooks my meals, I get a little over $1400 in NEETbux every month ($472 of which I give to my parents, which is mostly used by my mother to pay down her credit card debt), and my parents (especially my mother) are as isolated & friendless as I am and not a single soul has ever been invited over here in many, many years. It's a purely forbidden act and not even my brother's girlfriend has ever been over here, not once. Besides that, as things stand, I mostly just use the $900, or so, I keep each month to fix up & renovate the house. I actually just bought us (my family) a new gas furnace & water heater and will be using the remaining money I saved up to finally get us a central air system, in addition to replacing/cleaning our current duct work. My more selfish reason for doing this is also because I intend to live here until the day I die, so I might as well fix the place up, so everyone benefits, both now & in the future. My brother, despite having his own house now, is an adept handyman so I just buy the supplies and he does the rest for free. The only issue being that he can only visit so often, which means certain projects can take a long time to finish. I've paid for a complete bathroom remodeling, replacement windows for the whole house, our garage being rebuilt, our fence being replaced, a complete basement overhaul, our back lounging deck being built with additional sliding doors (etc.) All of which has, mostly, all already been done. Garage still needs a bit of work and the basement ain't finished yet, but, again, it's all on whatever time my brother has to give. We also, somewhat, have to wait for my cheques to arrive as well since building supplies can be quite expensive, so there's that too. My parents also still have mortgage payments to worry about, but, plans are currently in the works to, hopefully, have that taken care of long term. In the end, assuming global society doesn't crash (fat chance of that being avoided, frankly), there's good odds I'll be able to live here comfortably for the rest of my life, free of ever needing to wageslave, or worry about becoming homeless. Naturally there's no guarantees, but all one can do is hope for the best.
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引きこもり 04/27/19 (Sat) 19:22:51 4d5250 No. 7393
>>7392
(cont)
Even if everything turns out fine, it still feels like all that's being accomplished is ensuring I have a glorified tomb (this house) to rot away in, until hideous old age and death takes me, never having found romance, and no friends to speak of either. In that sense, no matter what I do, I've already lost. If only I could be a scholarly Christopher Knight type, but I'm not. Never was and never will be. I'm just a weak, lonely, shit encrusted monkey, by comparison.
>I'm also angry that they never took the time to sit down listen to me and hear me out and ask me how are you feeling?
My parents were one of the few who did. More often than not, lending me ear when I needed it. In my case however, it didn't help. There was nothing they could ever do to assist me besides saying some variation of "There, there, my son.", so to talk about these things amounted to nothing more than someone futilely spinning their tires in some rainy mud covered slosh. Do it enough times and you just get tired & annoyed, with nothing having been accomplished. But I get it, though. I mean, what are, or were, they supposed to do? Get me a job? A shrink? Some meds? How useless & horrifying. Thank christ, they know better. They listened to me piss & moan and I'm not selfish enough to have expected anything more to be done, since there was/is nothing more to be done. Speaking of nowadays though, whenever I talk about how miserable I am with my mother, she can only reciprocate, which makes me feel even worse. "You're miserable?", she says, "I'm miserable! Who's supposed to help me!!!". At this point, I don't even bother opening my mouth about it anymore. I still do sometimes, which I, can assure you, I always regret. My father just spends all his time at his office with his coworkers and sees "home" (aka this house we all live in) as basically just being the place he has to come back to in order to sleep. He & I used to talk a lot about my problems many years ago, but he never had anything worthwhile to say, so I just stopped out of my own lack of energy & my father's feigned concern, masking lackadaisical indifference.
>What is your relationship with your parents like?
Even in the worst of times, things between us haven't really been that bad. As imperfect as both they & I are, compared to many others out there, my parents are very understanding. They may have unjustly imposed existence on me without my consent, but at least they've, mostly, owned up to it and I'm grateful for that. We all look out for each other here, regardless of the circumstance, which is a rarity in and of itself, I suppose. Short of murdering & disemboweling a puppy or something, they'd rather fall on their own swords and let our entire finances fall to ruin than kick my ass out the door. I trust them and they trust me which, however small & pointless, is something to be cherished. I suppose I'm supplementing the word trust for love in a sense, but as much as my parents love me and have always been there for me, I still feel alone. Rationally speaking, I know I'm not, but, selfishly, vainly, I yearn for something more. But most everybody does, I guess. Certainly most anyone in my sort of situation. Sad little hermit alone in his room, with only mommy & daddy for company. At least I have that much, I tut tuttingly remind myself, staring blankly as I so often do into the empty spaces of my room, reflecting back at me the shrieking abyss I find inside every corner of myself. Steaming pile of vomit in front of my eyes. Everything I say, or think. It's always the same.
>also do you communicate with your parents or are you completely withdrawn from your family as well?
Well, like I said, I do still sometimes have conversations with them, but not nearly as often as I used to. My father may as well not even live here and my mother is as much of a miserable hermit as I am. At the end of the day, there's just nothing to talk about, so why bother saying anything at all? As it is, I spend most days napping and staring at the wall. I have no one to talk to online (never have) and message boards are, as I've always found them to be, deeply hollow antechambers of nothingness. Having said that, I'm basically just trapped inside my own head, constantly tormented by my own worthless thoughts, wishing I could just crack my head open on the corner edge of the plaster wall nearby to make it all stop.
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引きこもり 04/27/19 (Sat) 19:23:27 4d5250 No. 7394
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play. >>7393
(cont)
>>6876
I get what you're saying, but, each of us, really were doomed from the start. I realize society has brainwashed the masses to think otherwise, but you shouldn't blame yourself. We're mental paraplegics flopping through a disgusting abattoir that we're not cut for, and will only grind us to mulch anyway. All living things are cursed, but us especially so. Like infant flamingos born with the salt calcified around their legs. Falling over, lost & without hope, in agony to the last breath. It's tragic, it's cruel & it's not fair, but that's the true ugliness of life. All one can do is weep at the sheer inescapability of such a predicament. Let an Ave Maria ring out for us all.
>>7388
Yes. More times than I can count and they understand it all well enough to defend & support me to their dying breath. On the other hand, two people drowning in the same ocean aren't very likely to help one another, however. It's an impasse with no answer. Therefore, I just sit & rot in silence. I wish I could write more online, so as to turn the proverbial release valve in my mind and relieve, for a time, the pressure of my own thoughts, but I'm so retarded, inarticulate and lacking of energy that, very often, it feels next to impossible. As a result, I just tear at my skin and bang my head against the wall and pray for enough fatigue to fall asleep again.
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