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/hikki/ - Hikikomori

The modern hermit

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A WARNING TO ALL NEW USERS IF YOU ARE NOT A HIKIKOMORI I WILL BAN YOU!! People who are going to work or school are not Hikikomori There are many people on here who can not leave their home Please choose your topic with consideration IF YOU HAVEN'T BEEN AT HOME INSIDE YOUR ROOM FOR AT LEAST 6 MONTHS OR MORE THEN DON'T POST HERE!

File: 891679876c3859f⋯.jpg (233.65 KB,445x1194,445:1194,battleman.jpg)

238bab No.7846 [Open thread]

The board is officially moving. https://zzzchan.xyz/hikki/catalog.html

this board has no one moderating it so thats why it has just turned into cuckchan posters spamming.

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File: 6db2149112a2bfd⋯.png (86.13 KB,484x522,242:261,6db2149112a2bfd06e0d8cb893….png)

e67935 No.5370 [Open thread]

Where did you leave off on education before you become hikikomori? I got multiple scholarships to pay for all my schooling and still ended up this way one day I just decided not to leave my room. Are most like this where at one point you were thought of as smart.

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3527d5 No.7115

File: 689bd9d910db2fd⋯.gif (626.29 KB,500x281,500:281,1518574009692.gif)

Junior year of high school, very early into the first semester, I dropped out due to my debilitating social anxiety. Even if I was at school, a decent chunk of my time was spent either hiding in bathrooms, or the stairwells no one used. If I was in class, I'd just sort of disappear into my own thoughts. Never interacted with anyone. But the more I think about it, I've lived pretty reclusively my entire life, even dating back to elementary school. Almost never went outside, never had any friends, just spent all my time encapsulated in video games or the internet. I have almost no memories of going outside, just playing vidya or browsing the internet. I'd go outside for school, then directly go home, nothing else.

Fuck… I've never even really thought about it like this before, but maybe in some ways I've been a shut-in my entire life…

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0954b6 No.7122

>>7081

>School is a glorified daycare service designed to make you a good little wind-up toy drone.

It's another scam. That and the prisons are way to use the poor so that the government can tax private prisons.

Maybe it's daycare with wiki, but given that no one ever remembers what was on the last test or what they studied last year, it's not even that.

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229e46 No.7134

>>7111

Thank you for the answer. Your story feels close to mine and it was nice reading about it.

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17a7c4 No.7186

I excelled up through grade 10, then barely scraped by for the last 2 years of high school and dropped out my first year of college. My narcissist dad always told me for as long as I can remember that I was a genius, but he only said that because he wanted to control and exploit me. Unfortunately I was too young and stupid to know better, so I believed it. This had the consequence of making me completely unable to deal with any form of failure or adversity. I also dropped out because I hated how my parents were trying to control every facet of my life and future. And on top of that I'm autistic and didn't even get diagnosed until the ripe old age of 20.

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4558fa No.7845

File: 9e453962d282293⋯.jpg (41.17 KB,480x360,4:3,proxy_image_4_.jpg)

>>5371

i should have graduated high school last year. just turned 18 and my grades are still all Fs. i really fucking wish it would have been legal to drop out earlier but apparently only an 18 year old can decide that even though i still have the same opinion about school that i did at 6 years old. what i get tired of hearing is >

>but anon you're so smart! etc

>but anon! how are you going to find a job without going to university (nevermind the fact that not every job requires a college diploma)

i wonder how often people lie about having a highschool diploma. if everyone has one, i figure it wouldnt be difficult to just say i have one and my employer wont even bother to check

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YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

bbea14 No.2611 [Open thread][Last50 Posts]

I know most of the users on here don't want to change and some are happy and content with being a hikikomori but i have a question for those who are recovering hikkis what are you doing to fix your situation?? and do you think you will succeed in the outside world or just go back to being a hikki again??.

Also question for other current hikkis have you ever tried to reintegrate back into society??. I've tried many times in the past but was always met with hostility so i gave up on even trying.

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Post last edited at

bc3aaa No.7619

>>7554

>I believe I have successfully reintegrated society.

>Let me know if you guys want to talk about something.

What motivated you to reintegrate? How did you do it? What did you do to learn normal social skills? Did you have any leftover resentment against society and how did you deal with it?

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17725a No.7709

Sorry for the late replies guys.

>>7587

I am not the one who started working at walmart, no. I quite enjoy walks out at night, personally.

>>7619

>What motivated you to reintegrate?

For me it was the fact that I know that the lifestyle wasn't sustainable for me. I can and still do live with my parents, and if I didn't work I would have all my expenses covered, but for how long? I figured the sooner I started reintergrating, the easier it would be.

>How did you do it?

Signed up for school and went. Got an internship after my formation and work for the government now.

>What did you do to learn normal social skills?

Experience, I guess. Most of it was learned through exposure. Maintaining a conversation is as simple as asking questions. Ask a question they can't answer with yes or no, you get them going for a good 30 seconds. Majority of people just like hearing themselves talk.

Something else that came as an epiphany to me that you may know already but really helped for me was that being a social human being is all about surface level appearances and facades. Asking how people are doing, pretending to care about what they do on the weekend, etc. Pretending to care makes people like you, pretending that you are always 100% happy makes people like you. Always smiling makes people like you.

And that people are extremely conflict adverse and dislike negativity. I don't know why, but you disliking something, even given valid reasons will often make people have a poorer opinion of you.

So simply, I avoid conflict unless necessary, and apply the "if you have nothing good to say, say nothingPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

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06d3c4 No.7782

>>6981

whats the reason you are on SSI?

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4360da No.7808

>>2611

move on and be strong. I chose to stay at home and not have a job ever in the "outside world" and I go outside to do things like running or reading a couple pages. It doesn't mean being in a bad spot in life rather it's what you chose and in no definition digging ones own grave. There's no failure unless you leech of your parents like the guy in the anime.

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23835f No.7844

File: d305c99369fa6f4⋯.jpg (93.64 KB,500x461,500:461,W_17.jpg)

i'm just a lurker but to answer you, yes. i have tried to reintegrate with society before. They looked at me despite my okay ish social skills like i wasn't one of them, like i didn't belong and i dealt with it for a while, but the looks eventually got to me despite me trying to ignore it. a long cycle of depression and general loss of interest of all the things that i looked forward to on a daily basis led me on a downward spiral back to where i was 4 years ago. so now i go back to wasting away and filling my room with trash, a part of me wants to change but staying isolated is the only thing i find solace in anymore. I hate this lifestyle and myself for living it. I just want to fade away at this point. thanks for reading.

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File: 5d33cf020d9cb6b⋯.jpg (41.76 KB,480x270,16:9,432547b2f6b342.jpg)

ae7e7c No.7761 [Open thread]

What are your favorite hobbies/things to do to pass time?

I mostly used vidya to pass time but they are starting to lose their fun and i don't know how long it will take until i get completly bored of them so i was thinking of finding at least a bit of a replacement for it

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af63f2 No.7811

File: a6dbae40e866887⋯.png (304.06 KB,520x610,52:61,mushroomgirl.png)

I like to draw, write, listen to music, watch movies, watch the odd soccer game or two, and browse online. Mostly imageboards and dumb crap on YouTube. I am working on my 2nd book of poetry now but I just recently posted my 1st book on Amazon if anyone cares to look at it. Been trying to work out more I have a small home gym setup but it is very hard to stay motivated. I have really intense paranoia about leaving my house so it is hard to get groceries and stuff but i try the best i can. Just recently got on SSI and everything has been going good. Hope you guys are doing well.

Here the link to my book

amazon DOT com

/dp/B08J2R4LD8

Wishing you guys the best

-anon

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79d4ff No.7814

I readed entire themes of wikipedia i spent all time go to links that put in . And the jump to other and other link and readed ones complete other medium i let went three years of my live.

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99eb29 No.7839

>>7761

worlds.com

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f665e2 No.7840

>>7761

reading Chinese web novels with machine translator, and when I got tired of their propaganda all over the place I try to write my own until losing all motivation and return to read more Chinese garbage novels.

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cee6e3 No.7842

8kun, a lot, and dev. I also play mmorpgs tho. Since I’m kinda bored rn I am making a desktop client for 8kun and anon cafe

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2dbb12 No.7841 [Open thread]

We tried remaking /hikki/ on 8moe but we gave that up after awhile, we decided to make a shitcord so when we actually remake the board you will know as soon as it’s made. It has a vetting process to filter the halfchan R9k normalfags who started posting there shitcords here. jZnbJMnNBG

If you can’t already tell this board is dead and we don’t plan on reviving it here

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File: 298d48ae1cfa96e⋯.jpeg (8.16 KB,300x168,25:14,download.jpeg)

7a95a8 No.7796 [Open thread]

I'm neet for 3 years now

I was born poor in Africa even worse I'm arab

I don't even have my own room

It's getting worse every weak .. nothing is working for me .. nothing just pain everyday my family thinks I'm retard

Ima about to lost my fuckin mind

What should i do ? What I want to do ?

I don't know .. is god enjoy watching me suffering ?

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2292dd No.7801

I feel you friend, i am in Venezuela. Is all a twisted hell. First worlders are lucky, they coast on neetbux and don`t actually starve for being like this.

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c0a6e2 No.7816

Negrito, i thinked the same shit and i dont be a scream faggot (im not considered me a hikki becose i grow up in a west country is a third world country but my parents gave me a good live wasnt be better but i feel with 25 years better that my hate fully youth think. Ok i was short use to all bad feelings for you came for your dreams, if you did the stupid faggot in your life and took the last floor you feel more free to take your choice,

Read the art of war for you take the betters choices and the manual of urbanity the manuel antonio carreño for you being a chad in your behavior of your own life.

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000000 No.7831

hello, i am filipino. we share your pain

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000000 No.7832

The fuck is a scream faggot

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133b16 No.7838

>>7832

beats me.

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File: 23be8416deb1e22⋯.jpg (21.77 KB,403x205,403:205,von-mises-quote.jpg)

74e5ac No.3123 [Open thread]

I met a guy a month ago playing Fortnite. At first I thought he'd just be another guy I'd play with sometimes, nothing more. But then he started to try to get to know me and shared some of his personal life to me, like his health issues, religious and political views, etc, things that "friends" would begin to share, I suppose. But he came off as clingy, as he showed me this MMO he was trying to get more friends to play with. I told him it looks interesting and that I might buy it in a week and then he went off and gifted it to me.

It was a nice gesture but now I was obligated to play it with him. And I already started feeling obligated to hang out with the guy with him telling me of his failing liver, and other personal shit. I just don't want any of that. I don't have any friends IRL, and the "friends" I do have online I'd like to keep as just "people I play with", nothing more.

But shit, I've decided to delete my account and move one once again. I don't have the heart to just delete people so I often create new accounts and start fresh again. Maybe this time I can be really cautious about the people I add. I'm glad I have the ability to "start again" infinitely online. No wonder people are miserable IRL with friends and the "complexity" of their relationships.

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dc4cf1 No.7355

I've completely given up on the concept of friends at this point. I find people insufferable and I can't deal with their shit, online or offline. I tried the discord meme but it wasn't worth it and social media is horrible so I deleted all of my accounts there. I did have a friend online that I was in contact with for a longer time but I was tired of hearing of his own problems and it just felt like a massive drag that I had to deal with, so I just moved on. I also can't stand normalfags.

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5ac031 No.7361

File: 3c2a26d72fb3234⋯.jpeg (222.8 KB,1000x700,10:7,5db2d5643ebbf231eaf6779a2….jpeg)

>>3123

this resonates with me on a deep level.

i'm happy i'm not the only one with these sorts of feelings, i feel so restrained and suffocated by people after a point, even if they mean well and i truly do like them.

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c39380 No.7396

The few IRL and online friends I've had weren't the clingy type, just chill people I shared mutual interests with. We mostly played games, shared our creative progress or funny/interesting links with each other. Lost all of them after becoming a hikki as an adult and losing Internet access for a while. Tried to reconnect with them but it didn't work out.

After a long period of solitude I''d like to recreate that kind of relationship with someone, but I don't want it to become too personal so it feels clingy or too impersonal that it feels distant and we drift away from each other.

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8d7886 No.7822

>>3157

I'll rely on you, anon, I have no literally no friends.

>>3247

>running away from it won't do you any good.

People also forget that other people don't automatically understand how they feel. If they don't say anything, people will assume the worst either about themselves or the person they were talking to. Boundaries can be set without hurting people, and it's easier to do by talking.

Though, not going outside in years is a pretty big boundary.

>For you.

A lot of ramen for a hired gun!

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aff2b3 No.7835

"friends" are just parasites leeching off of you. I don't have any friends at all, not even online but let me tell you that I had to remove a lot of parasites from my life who started out as friends but then just turned into a massive waste of time and energy, obsessed freaks who wanted to chain me and hated my free will and my wish for more space. They shame you and demand loyalty when you evolve and change but the truth is that you are not anybodys slave. It's better to be a lone individual than a braindead herd animal.

I always had a hikki and neet mentality but still had friends and even a gf back then, only after I started to work on myself it really developed further. I absolutely don't need friends or relationships anymore. It is fun to chat with fellow anons on imageboards or stuff about stuff you are interested in and stuff you like, but that's it. Here is a good post on loneliness from another board made by another anon:

>I don't know about all the rest, but loneliness is a symptom of some kind of lack and attachment. Think about it. It doesn't make sense to be "lonely". It's an absurd concept that presupposes people are not worthy on their own. "Loneliness" is the pathological need to be in anybody's company (not somebody, but anybody). Forget about enlightened beings. I'm a fucking degenerate and I only feel lonely when I need validation. And then I realize this and simply reassert my legitimacy. It's not that enlightened to be worthy. Besides, you are literally never, ever, alone.

This was a reply to a question as whether enlightened sages such as Lao Tzu or the Buddha ever felt lonely. I don't think any enlightened man or man of intelligence actually has any "friends" as we understand the term in this day and age. Beings you are friendly with and collegues/comrades you can share ideas with from time to time, help each other out once in a while and have a nice chat, thats a different story. "Friendship" is just an artificial concept created by modern idiots. NPCs giving each other validation and comfort, that's all.

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5f708b No.7833 [Open thread]

We are moving the board over to 8chan.moe since the original board owner has abandoned this one with no intentions on coming back

8chan.moe/hikki/

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File: eb3494200cbe372⋯.png (1.33 KB,72x25,72:25,bans.png)

6f1c0a No.7830 [Open thread]

serber for hikis and mentally ill frens

dont bother joining if you are a fag

hcvwyCn8

sorry jannie

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File: d06aa8c8cc9331c⋯.gif (825.84 KB,500x214,250:107,winter_trainstop_pixel.gif)

eb3d9c No.7805 [Open thread]

mom and her boyfriend took me out today to have breakfast, which is the first time I have been out in public since god knows how long. They tried to have a discussion with me about what I plan to do in the future and whatnot, and also why some of my behavior is "problematic". Idk, what's the truth, how much is me trying to cope with this, or if they were bullshitting with me and pretending like they are trying to be good parents. anyone have similar experiences?

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eb3d9c No.7806

>>7805

to elaborate a little more mom's bf when on a whole spiel on how his job is to make sure my moms happy, and I get that. and then she tried to come up with the excuse that "sometimes I don't even want to come home because the house is a mess" which is bullshit. you stay with your boyfriend because you like staying with him. also we have two drastic ideas on cleanliness and I try to meet her in the middle. After that he proceeded to ask me what my long and short term goals were and I just mentioned some stuff I was looking into (because I think it's about time I put my NEETdom to an end before I blow my brains out) and refuted everything I said because I didn't give him the answer he desired.

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ed72da No.7812

They probably do want to help, but they don't know what you need because you are probably very quiet. They also are normies so their idea of what you should be doing is different than yours.

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629c2f No.7828

>>7805

>They tried to have a discussion with me about what I plan to do in the future and whatnot, and also why some of my behavior is "problematic".

It's a genuine concern that they have about your future, but they also need to be aware that you've been living an isolated existence and even going out is a struggle when you just want to be alone. For them to bring all that up at once is only going to likely push you away. If you can, sit down and talk to them about some little things that you feel comfortable talking about at your own pace.

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File: 11b30d85fca6379⋯.jpg (47.48 KB,1280x720,16:9,markiplier_crying.jpg)

a7b5d7 No.7799 [Open thread]

I have cancer

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cfbcca No.7809

My condolences. Best of luck with your treatment/surgery and take care of yourself in the meantime, that shit can be ruthless.

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23118f No.7813

Ok, you are lucky bastard, say to god motherfucker for me, i went gotta fast for i am said to him this and f i will found you.

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cf5add No.7824

>>7799

at least… sorry bro

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46466a No.7825

>>7799

Sorry to hear that man. Not sure what to say. My mom also had it, I try to not think about her.

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d38fc9 No.7827

>>7799

Remember to drink lots of water then.

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File: e75a8503b324b5d⋯.jpg (100.76 KB,802x1000,401:500,welcome to the nhk.jpg)

dfb481 No.4046 [Open thread]

How much do you relate to Tatsuhiro satou /hikki/??.

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2a245c No.4264

>>4262

I agree. The book was definitely more grounded in the real world, and the ending was good because even though it wasn't necessarily a happy one, it was realistic and open-ended. Life was uncertain for Satou at the end of the book, but he pressed on because he had no other choice. That is one of the big ways in which Satou's life is very much like ours.

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dfb481 No.4265

>>4264

>Life was uncertain for Satou at the end of the book, but he pressed on because he had no other choice. That is one of the big ways in which Satou's life is very much like ours.

Very true.

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dfb481 No.4362

File: 5046ba27d6b3b02⋯.jpg (489.4 KB,1000x1092,250:273,5046ba27d6b3b02b5b79150bf8….jpg)

>>4211

>. Even had a girl like Misaki intrested in me believe it or not. Online of course but I remember watching anime with her and she brightened up my miserable, anxiety filled existence. Even made me more confident with myself and people.

I wish i had a girl like that tbh why didn't you develop a online relationship with her anon??.

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a37182 No.4376

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

>>4091

>I think we can all relate to Satou in several ways. After all, he's a hikikomori written by a hikikomori, so he's bound to be a lot like us.

This is very true i think it's kinda true as well that someone isn't really going to enjoy NHk unless they can relate to it in some way considering the fact that the majority of the people in it's fan base are Neets Hikkis and Otakus.

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c5aa99 No.7826

>>4046

he's literally me

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File: 596654c9fc68381⋯.png (314.21 KB,370x370,1:1,banana.png)

0b31ed No.7146 [Open thread]

hikikomori life can be very stale due to the development of a deep-seated daily routine and years can pass until you realize doing something differently could have helped you avoid a lot of discomfort and troubles.

i would like us to share some of these realizations we have made so far that significantly improved our quality of life.

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664cc5 No.7299

>>7224

You'll need vitamin K2 to supplement your vitamin D3 intake.

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f5db27 No.7443

>>7299

are you sure? i thought the need to supplement k2 is still not scientifically proven hence why i think nutritionfacts never wrote something about it afaik

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733aa4 No.7758

Drinking a glass of water or two before eating fills your stomach faster, making you eat less and thus ration food better

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bf0fab No.7821

If you jerking off the best way is close to up the window or door for nobody spying you.

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ab179f No.7823

>>7443

If you feel better from it, then it's worth it. And don't take the weak stuff, you'd have to take like 40 capsules per day to feel an effect. This is the brand I use

https://healthnatura.com/vitamin-k2/

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File: 70ffa5fdaa7c1f7⋯.jpg (22.21 KB,350x464,175:232,ce45e902eeb2d970f92ac38759….jpg)

c9c039 No.6229 [Open thread]

This question is mainly for hikikomori who still live with their parents or another family member.

Have your parents or the other family member you live with ever tried to force you outside?

If yes what happened? and how did the situation end?

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dc9df0 No.7730

my mom used to come into my room and shove me and get into my face yelling at me to get out and i usually just stood there ignoring her until she pushed my door open and i slammed the door back on her and she landed on her ass and looked scared

i also started throwing things at her, she is much nicer to me now than ever before.

she also locked me out before by letting my cat out and then telling me to go get him and locking the door behind me so i broke in through the basement and hid in a closet while she drove around for half an hour looking for me because i disappeared lol

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326061 No.7766

I try not to cause problems, clean a room once in a while at night, don't make loud noises, etc. just so there's the idea of "there's no problem, just an introvert". I don't understand the hikkis who break walls and scream, obviously you'll be thrown outside if you do that.

Just keep your head down and prepare if the worst happens.

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07d67b No.7793

File: cf982be99924c8a⋯.jpg (106.17 KB,780x846,130:141,to_be_alive_thats_the_real….jpg)

>>6229

Theres an ATM literally at the corner of my street, no more than 2 minutes walking there, but its right infront the park, were all the cattle always comes together

>Anon can you please go to the ATM for some money?

>Why?

>Because I need it go

>I dont want to

>Ok then give 200$, oh right you dont have a job, then you can do at least this much cant you?

I hate when my sister treats me like that.

(yes I had to go for the money)

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3ada67 No.7819

File: 742e465d0516d7f⋯.png (116.56 KB,227x274,227:274,agreatmen.PNG)

Kek, my father going to made away from my smell of shit room, he had a 80 years and fougth in vietnam war, he said it

>For you all ancestors, we are a PIJAOS AND SPANIARDS you should be proud about IT, in my life NEVER HAD A FUCKING VAGUE, all my family are BRAVE MACHOS, YOU PICE OF LANGARUTO TOOK YOUR SHITTING LIFE WELL AND NO MORE FOR A FUCKING BASTARD JOKE, ILL DID A ONLY THREE MINUTES REMAINING FOR YOU WAKE UP TO THE BED TAKE A SHOWER AND YOU GO TO LEARN MATHEMATICS OR OTHER THING VALUABLE FOR YOUR LIFE, IF YOU DONT TRY IT I SUICIDE AS A FORM FOR ME PUNISH ME FOR A FUCKING RETARD FAGGOT FOR I DONT USE CONDOM

And i wake up learn english and return a 8chan, and now 8kun kek, when the coronavirus close up, i going to a college.

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3ada67 No.7820

>>7819

or join to legion etrangere france

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File: e85167472726f5b⋯.png (544.76 KB,838x416,419:208,satou playing cards.png)

3a948b No.7312 [Open thread]

What was your life like before you became a hikikomori /hikki/?

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efeee8 No.7666

File: 2f1a964f040a06e⋯.jpg (116.09 KB,500x500,1:1,982436.jpg)

>>7665

>I think I probably would have addiction problems and its worse with alcohol than with weed.

I have no experience at all with weed, never even seen it in person, but I doubt that it's very different. Actually, I think alcohol is a lot more dangerous, just because alcoholism has destroyed so many lives, while weed is relatively harmless. Every drug will become a problem if you don't use it correctly, though, so if you can't control yourself, it's definitely risky and maybe you should avoid it. I don't have that problem, because I just do everything efficiently. I know how much I can handle, from experience, and I drink a lot of water and wait a long time before going to sleep, so I never had any issues with alcohol. Well, except a couple of times that weren't because of the alcohol, it's just that the cheap beer/wine that I drank was so disgusting that it made me sick, even though it was a below average amount for me.

I tend to drink some really atrocious shit, just because it's what I have, and it's dirt cheap, but very occasionally my body just decided to reject it, because it's that awful. If you mixed my beer with piss, I can't imagine that it would get that much worse. I would rather drink a small amount of something stronger, like whiskey, or vodka, or rum, or brandy, but I don't have an infinite, free supply of that, because my family doesn't drink any of that, at least not more than once a year. I can't say that whiskey tastes good exactly. It's kinda like a really strong espresso with no sugar in a way, because you have to be kind of a masochist to like it, and I happen to like both. It's great if you like to drink distilled death, like me. I also like how it warms me up inside. It's strong, and it's not disgusting, so it's way better than the shit that I drink.

Don't drink, though. I do recommend drinking, but only if you learn how to drink properly. If there is a risk, I think you shouldn't take it. If you have a weed problem, you should deal with that first. Getting addicted to weed is possible, and it can really fuck you up. Very unpleasant, from what I know. You just have to think rationally about drugs. If you use something too often, you Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

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e582d0 No.7794

>>7312

Background, small body 1.60, girly looks since I was a child, molested twice by a family member and a classmate, bullyed all life until HC.

19 years old about to graduate as an accountant in one more year in therapy and meds actually feeling good, despite being an outcast at college I dont get bullyed thanks to the work amount and not being ugly, managed to get a job in a small building as an auxilary acc, my boss is a nice guy in his 30s Im making money and theres this qt3.14 18 yo whos also working there as a phone operator I end up being good friends wiith her, my life couldnt be any better, FF i graduate, Became a full time accountant qt is now in college and planing to quit and she asks me to go for a drink after work, sure thing, were drinking shes carring the conversation all the time (I suck at talking) she starts telling me how shes been really happy this past year, and how she didnt even want to work here in the first place, but having someone thats dumb and awkward like me around, but tries so hard made it so much easier and funny. Im not really angry nor surprised shes usually like that, kinda insulting me but also complementing me at the same time, then she drops the bomb, "hey anon I really like you, what about you? do you want me to stay here with you?" all of this while she was leaning against me.

I honestly dont know what to do or say, no one had ever done something like this to me before, I can only say sorry Im not interested in a relationship right now, stuttering the whole time…

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e582d0 No.7795

File: 7b4f145edc91548⋯.jpg (7.27 KB,250x250,1:1,WOJACK_CAMINANDO.jpg)

>>7794

Then follows around 6 minutes of full silence, shes still leaning against me and im hot, not in a sexual way literally H O T im sweating profusely im red and I can tell im emanating warm, she gets up and calls the waiter im still sitting there in silence, the waiter comes and I snap out of it and also get up pull out my wallet and gave her a big bill, she just walks out while the waiter is counting the change, no words just walks away, the waiter knows somethings up and starts to count as hard and fast as she can, I receive the change and run to the entrance looking for her I can see her shes already walking away and its at least 1 minute of running away from me, shes just walking and i freeze, I dont know if i should go or not I dont know what to do, Im sweating, Im afraid, and somehow i feel humiliated, on the way back from home I had a panic attack, the shadows were big and moving around me, I felt like someone was chasing me and had to look behind me constantly, and scream at one point, Ended up calling my boss to tell him I was sick and he gave me the week free since we didnt have that much work, all the while I felt like an asshole, and a piece of shit, thinking why I didnt accept her, maybe Im gay, probably that was my excuse I always thought i was weird for not feeling attraction towards females, when i came back at the office she was gone, turns out she had put her 2 weeks notice the week before going out with me, I felt relief and sadness, keep working thinking I was probably gay for another year until I move to a bigger firm, my therapist told me that it was ok for me to try new things and that maybe I was gay, and that its normal for people with my history to turn to the same sex for comfort, so I started thinking im gay even bought a dildo and was able to cum without hands and for 3 years My life was waking up working for about 9 hours sometimes more for tax filing season, and coming back home to stick something in my ass just to go to bed afterward, too tired to do anything, too tired to even use my 3000$ PC, or to play one of the many games I bought just to never play them, didnt need money i had a lot and 2 credit cards one without limit, even bought my current apartment, but there was no point in it, I didnt "like" my job I mean I was good at it really good, but it was just another task and a Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

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5c31d8 No.7797

>>7795

That's brutal. The main problem is that you don't seem to know what you actually want to get out of life. Take the time to figure that out. It's not uncommon to be completely lost and confused when you're young. Progress should happen naturally over time as you do things and have more time to think, and to know yourself. In your current state, you can't possibly handle a relationship, so even though the way that you handled that situation was disastrous, it wasn't the worst possible outcome. You probably won't be ready for that anyway until your late 20s or early 30s, so that should not even be an option until you are stable and developed enough, and comfortable with who you are.

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7581a5 No.7818

Worst, i was a very stupid person that im now, the faggot scream time go pass and once again a felt as i wanted someday in spent 3 years feel like one more time in my fucking life .

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