/hikki/ - Hikikomori

>>6229

Theres an ATM literally at the corner of my street, no more than 2 minutes walking there, but its right infront the park, were all the cattle always comes together

>Anon can you please go to the ATM for some money?

>Why?

>Because I need it go

>I dont want to

>Ok then give 200$, oh right you dont have a job, then you can do at least this much cant you?

I hate when my sister treats me like that.

(yes I had to go for the money)

Kek, my father going to made away from my smell of shit room, he had a 80 years and fougth in vietnam war, he said it

>For you all ancestors, we are a PIJAOS AND SPANIARDS you should be proud about IT, in my life NEVER HAD A FUCKING VAGUE, all my family are BRAVE MACHOS, YOU PICE OF LANGARUTO TOOK YOUR SHITTING LIFE WELL AND NO MORE FOR A FUCKING BASTARD JOKE, ILL DID A ONLY THREE MINUTES REMAINING FOR YOU WAKE UP TO THE BED TAKE A SHOWER AND YOU GO TO LEARN MATHEMATICS OR OTHER THING VALUABLE FOR YOUR LIFE, IF YOU DONT TRY IT I SUICIDE AS A FORM FOR ME PUNISH ME FOR A FUCKING RETARD FAGGOT FOR I DONT USE CONDOM

And i wake up learn english and return a 8chan, and now 8kun kek, when the coronavirus close up, i going to a college.

>>7665

>I think I probably would have addiction problems and its worse with alcohol than with weed.

I have no experience at all with weed, never even seen it in person, but I doubt that it's very different. Actually, I think alcohol is a lot more dangerous, just because alcoholism has destroyed so many lives, while weed is relatively harmless. Every drug will become a problem if you don't use it correctly, though, so if you can't control yourself, it's definitely risky and maybe you should avoid it. I don't have that problem, because I just do everything efficiently. I know how much I can handle, from experience, and I drink a lot of water and wait a long time before going to sleep, so I never had any issues with alcohol. Well, except a couple of times that weren't because of the alcohol, it's just that the cheap beer/wine that I drank was so disgusting that it made me sick, even though it was a below average amount for me.

I tend to drink some really atrocious shit, just because it's what I have, and it's dirt cheap, but very occasionally my body just decided to reject it, because it's that awful. If you mixed my beer with piss, I can't imagine that it would get that much worse. I would rather drink a small amount of something stronger, like whiskey, or vodka, or rum, or brandy, but I don't have an infinite, free supply of that, because my family doesn't drink any of that, at least not more than once a year. I can't say that whiskey tastes good exactly. It's kinda like a really strong espresso with no sugar in a way, because you have to be kind of a masochist to like it, and I happen to like both. It's great if you like to drink distilled death, like me. I also like how it warms me up inside. It's strong, and it's not disgusting, so it's way better than the shit that I drink.

Don't drink, though. I do recommend drinking, but only if you learn how to drink properly. If there is a risk, I think you shouldn't take it. If you have a weed problem, you should deal with that first. Getting addicted to weed is possible, and it can really fuck you up. Very unpleasant, from what I know. You just have to think rationally about drugs. If you use something too often, you Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>7794

Then follows around 6 minutes of full silence, shes still leaning against me and im hot, not in a sexual way literally H O T im sweating profusely im red and I can tell im emanating warm, she gets up and calls the waiter im still sitting there in silence, the waiter comes and I snap out of it and also get up pull out my wallet and gave her a big bill, she just walks out while the waiter is counting the change, no words just walks away, the waiter knows somethings up and starts to count as hard and fast as she can, I receive the change and run to the entrance looking for her I can see her shes already walking away and its at least 1 minute of running away from me, shes just walking and i freeze, I dont know if i should go or not I dont know what to do, Im sweating, Im afraid, and somehow i feel humiliated, on the way back from home I had a panic attack, the shadows were big and moving around me, I felt like someone was chasing me and had to look behind me constantly, and scream at one point, Ended up calling my boss to tell him I was sick and he gave me the week free since we didnt have that much work, all the while I felt like an asshole, and a piece of shit, thinking why I didnt accept her, maybe Im gay, probably that was my excuse I always thought i was weird for not feeling attraction towards females, when i came back at the office she was gone, turns out she had put her 2 weeks notice the week before going out with me, I felt relief and sadness, keep working thinking I was probably gay for another year until I move to a bigger firm, my therapist told me that it was ok for me to try new things and that maybe I was gay, and that its normal for people with my history to turn to the same sex for comfort, so I started thinking im gay even bought a dildo and was able to cum without hands and for 3 years My life was waking up working for about 9 hours sometimes more for tax filing season, and coming back home to stick something in my ass just to go to bed afterward, too tired to do anything, too tired to even use my 3000$ PC, or to play one of the many games I bought just to never play them, didnt need money i had a lot and 2 credit cards one without limit, even bought my current apartment, but there was no point in it, I didnt "like" my job I mean I was good at it really good, but it was just another task and a Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>7783

>This doesn't exclude everyone that has a psychological problem, so it's not too specific. I guess it's a fine definition. Specific enough to be useful, but not too specific for its own good, to the point that it only applies to one or two people.

The main cause of hikikomori is usually extreme social pressure and stress and being unable to maintain a public face while out in public in Japanese society honne (本音) and tatemae (建前) which in Japanese society are your inside face and outside mask most people when talking about the subject of hikikomori ignore this part of the topic and the mental health side of it as many hikikomori also have mental health problems that contribute to the isolation in the original definition created by Tamaki Saito he is mostly only excluding people with schizophrenia and basically what he means is that if you are in a state of isolation because another psychological problem put you there and that is the cause and there are no social factors involved then its not hikikomori also in his book he says he chose 6 months instead of 3 months because many people go on 3 month short vacations to take a break or some time off and then they go right back to work or school so he doesn't really consider 3 months to be long enough for a state of withdrawal.

>>7637

Call it retarded, but it's my take:

They look for attention or "titles" to put under their name as if being themselves is not enough.

They feel like misery is great, because they have never experienced it in their lifes, or they simply downplay others' problems to the point where they are in the same level as someone that hasn't left their house in years.

Scum of the earth, in my opinion. If you call yourself X, I immidiately go into "This fucker is lying for pity/attention" mode. It's a world of self-importance and since many can't do anything note worthy with their lives they simple resort to self-titleing themselves even if that means pretendending or adopting mannerism which can lead to problems in their normal, non-important lives.

That is not to say hikkis or neets or any other loser with defining characteristics are important, but what is important is the communities they create for people like themselves to connect with each other - from IRC to forums - they have a community. A community which is aimed at themselves and is considered by the outside view as something "niche" or "dark and depressing" and that's also a reason as to why normal people, with average lives tend to fake it to try to fit in. Because somehow in their head they get a feeling of superiority, as if they just joined a secret club with unknown knowledge, and usually brag about it to their friends or online groups in discord or reddit without fully understanding why communities like those exist in the first place

I don't feel like this is ever going to end, as people get more and more interested in "niche" things such as anime or the "urr am depress :(" actitude they'll be more and more people that dig deeper into these topics eventually leading to things such as imageboards.

This whole "self-title" thing is not uncommon outside of these groups, people do it with everything. From mental illnesses to political groups. Everything is a title to these people and nothing more than that.

On a side note, I havePost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>7717

The very fact that you believe that way fuels your inability. What you believe about yourself has a huge impact on what you can do.

Nothing is over, start small and build from there.

Im trying and it's hard but Iv seen progress in myself and at least I only have anxiety rather than depression and anxiety

Spontaneously collapsed in a heap on the floor in my room tonight for what felt like hours, due to an overwhelming crescendo of the usual tension, boredom, misery, and all around general fatigue I feel every single day. Even after getting up, I still felt absolutely terrible. No reason as to why I wouldn't be, of course. No matter how awful I feel and no matter how long I choose to lay around with my face against the floor begging for a swift, unseen end to somehow finally come to me, inevitably, when I finally get up, I'll still be here. Trapped with my miserable little self, in my miserable little hole. I'm lost in a sea of my own restlessness and these waves of intensely painful sorrow I experience, intermingled with near bottomless sensations of emptiness, will never stop until I'm dead. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't always feel like shit, only to be broken up by moments like these where I really, REALLY feel like shit. The insufferable miasma of my own presence always hangs about me like a noxious, purple cloud and is totally inescapable. Truthfully, there never really is a moment where I don't feel at least slightly like crap. Hell, "slightly like crap", that'd be a good day, frankly.

In the end, my life is a tortuous grind towards nothing & nowhere that's worn my sanity & emotions down to flakes of dust, but I limp on enduring it becuase I'm still too timid to stick a gun in my mouth and pull the trigger. Why did this have to happen? Why did I need to come into this terrible world? How much longer must this go on for? How near or how far am I towards the ultimate end of all this awfulness? It all swirls around in my head like a centrifuge to the point of exploding, often taking the form of a throbbing headache, due to the palpable negative pressure it puts on my mind. I can quite literally feel the weight of my own thoughts, as if there's a tumor growing heavier & heavier within the confines of my skull. On that note, I hate myself & everything so much that I do seriously feel like I'm going to give myself brain cancer someday, assuming I haven't already. No matter what I say, it's never enough to properly convey how bad it all is. Perhaps nothing ever could. Even if I screamed at the top of my lungs & threw myself against the walls of my room 24/7, I'd still feel like I have duct tape over my mouth/soul. What else can be said, I guess. ItPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>5989

>humans are assholes by nature

Exactly, so getting rid of them is the only real, guaranteed, permanent solution, so you don't have to care. Or just having a very small population of weird possibly autistic geniuses that don't even need a government in the first place, but I doubt that will ever happen unless reality suddenly turns into the Universal Century timeline of Mobile Suit Gundam and the Newtypes wipe out all of the old humans. But that's literally reality becoming anime, so it's more likely that it will continue to be bloated. Conveniently, humanity happens to be capable of destroying itself, so the problem could end up solving itself. Overall, all a moral individual has to do in order to avoid making things worse is not reproduce. You are living in a world that is objectively shitty, so don't bring more lives into it for no reason. Other than that, just ride the tiger. It's not like you are contractually obligated to care about your species' survival, and they have clearly doomed themselves to begin with. Not having to care is very convenient, actually. It can keep you from going insane from watching everything not go your way and everything that you support eventually end up turning against you. In politics, you can't succeed without popularity, and popularity can only be achieved if your ideas are stupid to begin with, or just the lies that people want to hear. Basically I just want to be allowed to live in my own world. Just the freedom to be a hermit.

>The best cult leaders domesticate people to make the people's lives better

The problem with doing anything that way is that every institution is eventually degraded as well, and back to misery we go. The fact that something appeals to the masses is generally a pretty bad sign to begin with. I definitely don't want anything to do with politics anymore. I just want to be able to stay away from humanity's problems, and ideally save people from suffering, specifically people that are different and I think can't be blamed for this, the people being attacked. Burning the hive would be productive, but it's not something that I can personally do, so it doesn't matter. Personal freedom and privacy, that's all I care about, pPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>5991

I am actually not that pessimistic when it comes to that. Well, I know I have helped people in the past, and that a few times people even responded saying that something I said gave them an epiphany that allowed them to suddenly understand something that they didn't understand before, that very few people actually do, and even fewer even attempt to give an explanation for, and only some even succeed in doing that well, so it's not completely wasted effort if you can even call it that, since I just help people by doing what I want to do anyway, which is being insane and testing uncommon ideas and ways of looking at reality.

Being like that is kinda inherently helpful since it allows people to hear new things, and answers for questions that everyone else seems to refuse to answer. I'm the guy that tells you that the egg did indeed come before the chicken, because chickens weren't the first animals to lay eggs, which is obvious as hell, but the adults in my family always insisted (and still do) that answering this question is impossible, even after hearing my answer, and that is a good example of how limited most people actually are, and why you can't expect them to say anything that requires even a tiny amount of thought, and making any argument that isn't completely generic and given to them by someone else. Just being willing to say something different is inherently productive since someone out there may be willing to take that idea into consideration, or to use it somehow, but will never have the opportunity to do so if you don't share it. I suppose even looking stupid in a completely new way is productive, since someone else can learn something new from that, and not repeat your mistake.

I can't make someone stop feeling miserable, but I can tell them how they could do it, and how I do it, and maybe things that I say will eventually lead to some change. If something that I say positively influences someone, then that's a good thing even if I am never informed that it did indeed help. I just assume that occasionally it does, and I also believe that they are similar to me in one way or another or it wouldn't have worked in the first place. It's always safe to assume that something did indeePost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>7734

(cont…)

Anyway, ever since then, I've gotten much more depressed & miserable. My mind also feels a lot more fractured & unhinged. I lost a ton of weight last year when I finally began eating healthy food and exercising on a regular basis, but, outside of the obvious improvement to my physical health, I can't say it's really made much of a difference to my mental health. My mind feels like a shattered piece of glass and emotionally I get intense waves of loneliness at times and am constantly wrapped in morbid self-loathing towards myself & the world at large. Everything sucks, I hate myself, and I want to die. Boiled down, that's literally all I think about, or have thought about, for many years now. Every agonizingly slow hour, of every agonizingly slow day. And, worse yet, it's never going to get any better. The pain of my degeneration will only increase and I'm doomed to continually wake up to it, for whatever of my life remains. Eventually, after I've suffered/waited long enough, it will be over. Death. The only consolation I can cling to. It doesn't stop my head from hurting most days, but it's nice to keep in mind, nonetheless. In the end, I don't sleep because I'm tired, but because I can't contemplate the thought of doing anything else and want to escape from myself. I don't play video games for entertainment, but in a desperate, pitifully weak attempt to, once again, escape from my own restlessness. Which itself, is becoming ever more infrequent, as I instead just nap, stare at the wall, or shuffle around listlessly. I can't seem to do anything anymore. I'm just stuck in a stinking bog of my own thoughts & feelings unable to move. Trapped sitting in stationary idleness, with no respite or relief. At this point, I don't want to change or do anything, but idleness still torments me. The ceaseless boredom & anhedonia. I'm like one of those skeletons from PotC. Everything turns to ash in my mouth. I can certainly see myself becoming schizophrenic once my parents die, assuming it is I live that long. My grip on reality feels tenuous enough as it is and there are times where I almost think I can hear voices, or imagine noises where there are none. My sense of continuity is also quite distorPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>7745

>You have very little that you like, so loss hurts you quite a lot.

Hmm, yes & no. Like I said, when our cat died I barely felt anything at all, except confusion, and later spergy anger, at how inert I was. If anything, that whole experience taught me how little I seem to care about losing what little I have, despite always fearing the opposite and the pain that'd bring. These days, the only things I fear losing are my parents. Mostly my mother and, to a lesser extent, my father. Not too long ago it was actually a bit unclear, and still is to some extent, whether my father had/has throat cancer. I remember my mother knocked on my door in a panic one night and, at first, I assumed it was because the test results had come back with a terminal diagnosis for him. In the end, it turned out to be something else, but, even still, before I opened the door, that thought that my father may literally be dying & gone forever soon, hit me like a ton of bricks. I was quite startled at how much it was spiking my anxiety levels & making me panic, despite the fact that I barely even interact with him these days, nor hold him in much concern 99.9% of the time. Either way, I really seem to have underestimated how well I'd handle that kind of situation. If, and when, my mother is in that situation, I'll probably end up going mad with grief/anxiety/dread before even the first day is out. A sneak preview of the anguish that's to come, I guess.

>Even the things that I own and like, I feel like losing sometimes, just so I can be free. I feel suffocated by my own stuff.

I can heavily relate to that, actually. Both in a basic materiel sense & a more figurative one. Was thinking of buying a VR headset with my NEETbux just the other day, but what would be the point? Just one more glorified paper weight that I'll never use, becoming yet another empty possession hanging off my neck that I chastise myself for buying. Hell, I have a whole entertainment system in here, (tower speakers, with an ST60 mounted on the wall & everything), and I haven't even turned it on or used it in well over a year, Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>7740

It was hard to listen and acknowledge what he is saying at first. Mostly because through out my life, I trusted what adults told me or would say on TV etc. before I became an adult myself. I really believed in the "just push through it because it gets better" meme, but eventually that optimistic hope after the troubling depression never happened, and there was no sense of karma in the world. The 'bullies' in school that were manipulative and cruel towards both kids and adults grew up with working decent careers and got their own spouse and children. The world feels upside down- overall I feel like I can only rely on pessimism for the truth. When the time comes, I'll probably resist at first and struggle, but hopefully I can let it all go- but that's easier said than done.

>>7738

>thought of being conscious, or somehow remaining aware of myself throughout eternity

I agree on this; I cried about pissing myself if I died/let go in this thread, but at the same time I don't want to be in an eternal hell with no way out. I think what I want is to just be in some temporary afterlife that I can enjoy myself in before I let go into a new one.

The tranhumanism, putting your brain into computers, that's being brought up recently is frightening. Its nothing new but I can never feel numb whenever I hear an update or progress report on their technology. I don't want anything put inside my brain at all.

It's a dumb greedy contradiction I have where I want the best thing instead of dealing with what I have.

>I also have a lot of death anxiety for my parents. The thought that there will come a day where they'll be gone forever and I'll never be able to see them again really, really gets to me. The fact that they aren't getting any younger makes me dread the inevitably fatal swing of the ax that much more.

I feel you. Everytime I hear them talk about retirement, it fucks with me. I'm doing my best to give them the best times befoPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>7737

Immediately changing your mind about death is impossible, but it can happen over time if you change how you think about it. You were dead before you were born. It's not going to be anything new. Avoiding death is perfectly rational, because you can do things and have experiences while you are alive, and being alive is not a very common thing. Fearing it on the other hand isn't very good, especially since life can legitimately become undesirable, but that's what nature wants us to do, so this fear is difficult to defeat, even though like most fears, it is absolutely useless, just something that gets in the way. That fear completely goes away when I think about dying for something. Personally, I mostly fear dying for nothing, unfulfilled (and of course, in severe pain for a very long time, unable to kill myself). As long as I end up having a good enough life, then it will hopefully be easier to accept. That would be a lot better than the average death. Most people live terrible or mediocre lives and die completely unhappy with how their lives went, and full of regret, not even knowing what went wrong because they never figured things out (or only did so when it was already too late). Other people, on the other hand, I don't have to worry about, because I don't really like most people that I know. Even people that I kinda like are people that I never even see. Cool old people die, and that sucks, but at least people that you hate die as well, so you can at least feel good about that.

>only once in a blue moon can some married couple properly die together

Not interested in that. If I have a relationship later on, I kinda want to be considerably older if I have a choice, so I would be the first one to die. If I still live longer and I don't appreciate that, suicide is always an option. This is what I want because youth is more important for women to have than it is for men, and it's kinda good to have someone that can be young for you while you are starting to lose your own youth. And I will be wiser, more knowledgeable, and generally more interesting (and also able to take care of myself and make some money, hopefully, if I can escape my prison), so it would be mutually beneficial. Of course, you have to be cool for tPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>7744

>I really believed in the "just push through it because it gets better" meme, but eventually that optimistic hope after the troubling depression never happened, and there was no sense of karma in the world.

Yeah. I don't really have much to say because, honestly, what else can be said or done, except to silently rue & mourn what a tragic, maddeningly lopsided absurdity it all is? Still, I'm reminded of an amazingly insightful post I saw recently, by one guy making s series of reply chains to himself. It's a long read, but it's worth it. Very hard hitting summation of what it's like to truly be estranged from this rotten world, whether that's as a hikikomori or as some otherwise bungled & botched individual, as Nietzsche once put it. The meaningless platitudes, the hopelessness, the feigned concern, the injustice, the sneering contempt, the overwhelming self-loathing, grief & sadness for a doomed existence that was over before it even began. It's all there and it cuts right to the bone. There was never any way out and all one can do is grit their teeth & endure, with no consolation or reason to do so, but for the fear of death chaining us to the proverbial radiator of this planet, making us all suffer as long as possible. Another lost & lonely victim thrown like a ragdoll to the howling whims of genetic determinism & the tyrannical demiurgic rule of DNA, the universe & life in general.

>>7622

I think about this kind of thing a lot, because I want to understand the most confusing thing of all, which is everything. I think magically turning into a woman would make some issues even worse. If you want to avoid attention, it's much easier to do so if you're a man. And women have their own unique reasons to be paranoid and insecure. Female bodies also come with their own issues. Grass is greener on the other side because people tend to expose the advantages of being in their own situations, but hide the real downsides, or completely misunderstand them. Women are also glorified way too much, though this doesn't really help them in the end. Their lives will only become more miserable, thanks to this. No one is a winner here. The biggest real advantage is that abnormal women have a lot more value in a way, because they are so uncommon, and scarcity always makes something seem more valuable. Women tend to be average. Men tend to be more experimental, so you get a wider range of results. In general, there is a lot more demand for weird women, just because normalfag men are so thirsty for female attention that they have pretty much no standards beyond appearance (and even those standards are very artificial, in my mind), so it doesn't make a difference, and weird men are considerably more common, and a lot of them want compatible women, so the demand is higher than the supply. A lot of traits that are considered negative by society (because they are associated with men), are actually things that some men want in women, even if they don't realize that, and those traits become valuable just because they are not as common. Also women are benefited financially, since anything that they do is more likely to be successful just because men are so thirsty, that is the biggest real advantage.

Honestly, being human is just shit in general, so maybe there isn't that much of a difference. Trannies are definitely in a worse position than either of them, though. That is just a huge mistake, a result of masculinity being demonized (and femininity in men being demonized as well, leading to certain men wanting to actually become women, so they can actually accept those traits), and men being unable to find what they want externally, and resorting to trying to becomePost too long. Click here to view the full text.

I stopped thinking about transitioning when I realized it only affects how you present yourself to other people and why put yourself through all this shit if you don't wanna be around people in the first place. I'm incapable of picturing myself as male when I daydream though and I have an elaborate idealized female self that i've been cultivating since I was about 14. It's not a sex thing or anything, it's just that female gender roles feel a lot more natural and comfortable for me to slip into. Being male is like a self-actualization dead-end because I know right from the start that I can never become the person I truly want to be

>>3955

>I have held two jobs in my life, both dealing heavily with customer service. There were some nice people, but the combination of shitty people, shitty work, and little pay, was more than enough to make me hate society more than I already did.

I know how you feel bud the cycle of going from point A. to point B. from point B. and back to point A. everyday until you ether retire or die honestly really gets tiring after awhile it slowly kills you to the point where you could eventually have a mental breakdown and that is why we have withdrawn from society it's because most of us hikkis are simply just not compatible with social and societal norms tbh.

>>4042

>I rather live a recluse life than showing the world my pathetic being.

I know that feel bro and it's like even if i try to get back on my feet i will still be treated like shit and i know that because that's happened to me before and that's why at this point i basically have just given up completely.

>>4044

>I know that feel bro and it's like even if i try to get back on my feet i will still be treated like shit and i know that because that's happened to me before and that's why at this point i basically have just given up completely.

All there is, is life and nobody owns it. So all we can actually do it to live out our time the best that we can. :^)

>>7716

>everything can be replicated and reproduced via the scientific method. Even though that same method was developed by fallible humans who fuck up constantly and have fucked up to such a degree that we live in a world such as the one we have.

>>7695

Dont do it. It's a very bad idea.

Played Asteroids Deluxe for 2 hours after being drunk for 6 hours. Now I'm going to continue to play Morrowind again, because I'm a procrastination master, so I do everything except what I should be doing, even though I have no actual obligations. Today was a good day anyway, I guess.