/hikki/ - Hikikomori

>>5488

I think feeling shame is very common for us because we're essentially leeches

>>5488

Personally, I intend to genuinely try to become self-sufficient after having spent years preparing for the attempt, fail due to circumstances that are not only beyond my control but outright nonsensical (e.g. "you're highly competent, but you don't watch the same TV shows as the rest of us, so you're fired"), and then feel completely justified about withdrawing from society again.

>>5488

>I just… don’t reslly know what to do. I’m extremely lazy and feel exhausted all day everyday. I don’t feel like doing anything at all. I have crippling social anxiety and dislike being outside too. I just feel really lost? But like I said, I enjoy it. I enjoy doing nothing, and I hate myself for it.

I understand how you feel I've been like this for over 3 years now and I never found peace with myself sometimes I feel like I want to be a normalfag and live life like them instead of being a leech boy so I buy normalfag things that I'm clearly in a no need for it but I just want to be like them then I hate myself and go back to my cave

I don't know what to do too but by seeing the disgust in my parent's eyes I look down on myself as well and cry myself to sleep everyday

I wish I can find peace and quality in my life while living as a shut in

I also see my old high school friends and all of them have a life now while I'm being a leech boy high school drop out and that hurts me alot tbh

>oldest of 6 kids

>have always been a loser

>only "friends" i had were actually just my brothers because he was/is a chad

>but once we got older he started to resent me piggy backing off him

>started to hate me

>sisters started to be disgusted with me

>always felt this enormous pressure to be the strong older brother who protects his siblings but could never do that

>now i'm a HS dropout with a GED and my brother has his own place and 2 kids of his own

>sister is a all star athlete in school

>everyone else is generally better than me even tho they're very young

My family initially had such high hopes for me too. They used to talk to me like i was some child prodigy. Now they talk to me as if i'm retarded. I love my grandpa so much and he's really the only family that i respect. I know he had very high hopes for me. He saw his legacy in me. But now… i can tell that he's very disappointed in me. He's basically stopped trying to help too. When we talk it feels like i'm not even related to him anymore. He talks about the cleaning lady's daughter more highly than me. That hurts so much. He doesn't do it on purpose but… fuck

I've been drinking a lot more recently I can see it becoming a habit but I hope not because I hate drunks

>>5461

welcome to the drunk club

i wish i could drink. i used to drink really heavily from 20-22. it was some of the most fun i had in my life, being drunk. i loved it. my mom and dad have both had problems with drinking but i never drank so much that it fucked up my daily life.

but it's just not possible anymore. the hangovers are too much. if i try to drink like i used to, for two solid days i am completely incapacitated. not only do i experience overwhelming physical pain and discomfort but there is this emotional devastation that comes with it. like all of the regrets and mistakes boil up to the surface and scream at me internally. i can't shake the feeling, like my life has been a complete waste and all my ambition and hope for the future is eradicated. that is the anxiety, which is agitated and restless, making my heart pound and my thoughts race uncontrollably. but there is also the 'depressive' side of the hangover, which is just unmitigated sadness. not pessimism, or anxiety or worry, just sadness.

i have no idea how people bear it. whenever i see videos of people guzzling down booze i immediately think 'ah well, they must be younger, the hangover has not entered their life yet.' but if they are older i am totally baffled. how can people tolerate it?

>>5485

Whenever I drink, I make sure I drink a lot of water with it as well. That way I rarely ever get a hangover, and when I do it's mild.

I'm talking out of my ass here, but I always viewed being hung over as being very dehydrated. a quick search in my preferred search engine partially confirmed this, but there's a bit more to it than that.

>>5486

It also depends on the quality of what you're drinking. Generally speaking, cheaper booze contains more contaminants that aren't healthy, which produces a headache.

It's worth spending some time trying yourself through what's available to see which brand of the cheap stuff is the least shit.

>>5360

I just have about one week a month were I'm unable to do anything but stuff myself with food and do escapism of the nipponese variety. Aside from that, I just ignore all my feelings of inadequacy and stuff them into some dark corner of my mind until the time for next monthly breakdown comes.

It's probably not the most healthy way of dealing with things, but it hasn't killed me yet

>>5378

Sounds like you're still better off than I am. Like I said in the OP, I can only keep up with anything productive for about 20-30 mins at the most before I get depressed and shut down. I feel like there has to be some way to fix it overtime. After all, I learned how to hate myself over the course of some years, so logic dictates that I should be able to unlearn it. The question is how. I figure if we 'put our heads together' so to speak, we can start to change our more negative perceptions in way that allows us to better achieve our respective goals, make our crippling depression a little less crippling. Something to think about anyway.

>>5378

>do escapism of the nipponese variety

I love doing this, but it hurts since it makes me think back on how much I fucked up when I was younger

>>5085

>What do you write about?

Well, like I said above, I'm still only in the beginning stages of the writing process, but I plan to write a fantasy series. I've spent so much of my free time over the years daydreaming about fantasy worlds, I figured I might as well write about one.

i would like to travel by plane and accommodate somewhere in hotel and do trips and journeys abroad from there

any protips?

>>5089

We don't travel.

>walk outside

>so invisible suv doesn't notice me and bumps me away

>yet still deebly concerned about norrmals noticing me

>go back in

There's no scared Satou big enough

>>5100

I can relate anon i get this feeling every time i go to the store.

>>4899

> Normalfags have had their whole childhoods to practice socialization and learn all the unwritten rules of society

a thousand times this, people tend to not recognize how absolutely vital the early years of a person's life are in terms of social interaction and acceptance. A hikki who tries to reintegrate is always going to be playing catchup, socially and economically and will most likely fail since people do pick up on the "socially deprived" and ostracize them or make their lives more difficult regardless of age

>>4915

>people tend to not recognize how absolutely vital the early years of a person's life are in terms of social interaction and acceptance. A hikki who tries to reintegrate is always going to be playing catchup, socially and economically and will most likely fail since people do pick up on the "socially deprived" and ostracize them or make their lives more difficult regardless of age

This is very true.

>>4896

holy shit you just described the 5-percenter worldview:

1 would be the 85% of people (the ignorant masses)

2 would be the 10% of people who are evil (politicians, managers, business execs)

3 would be the remaining 5%, enlightened but powerless (hikkis or your general imageboard fag)

>>4941

This

>>4870

>it was a lot of fun back then and i do miss those days even though it wasn't that long ago at all.

That's understandable, sounded like a good friend to have. I often find that the people here on /hikki/ are the only people that I could get along with enough to want to live with. Even though we don't always share the same interests or views, there is always a willingness to understand one another which is a virtue that is lost in our society today.

>>4874

>you can't go anywhere out in society without someone giving their political opinion it's basically everywhere you go now

That's very true. There have been days where I've tried to avoid the political arguments that are all over the place, but it's impossible to avoid it entirely. I understand the significance of the events taking place in the world today, and why it's important to know how they can affect me, but sometimes I really just want a break from it all.

>people like us were never meant for this kind of a world.

Agreed. We're rational people in irrational times. We don't ask for much, but even still, we're stuck in a society that gives nothing and demands everything. Even the simple act of existing often feels like an uphill battle. That's why I'm glad we have this board, one of very few good places in a nasty and treacherous world.

>>4529

y-yes

>>4542

That's the kind of thing i'm starting to hate most of all. Like i'll get McDicks or Whataburger when coming home from wagecucking and those interactions just standing in line and ordering are getting to be so tiresome. I wish it wasn't so expensive to get things other than pizza delivered. At some point i'll probably just end up living on Cliff bars and ramen.

>>4563

>those interactions just standing in line and ordering are getting to be so tiresome. I wish it wasn't so expensive to get things other than pizza delivered

I know right tell me about it man.

>>3259

Sent. I don't really use Discord but i will for this

>>3291

Got it.

>>4525

Very nice.

>>3995

What I did was I asked my parents if it was ok that instead of them buying/making me food, if they could give me a set amount of money each week and I'd get my own food. Try asking them that? If they don't just say yes right off the bat bring up the point that they wouldn't need to cook for you anymore, you'd learn how to budget the money they gave you, you'd learn how to cook and you could focus on eating healthy things. (Plus the spare cash you get from not spending it all is nice, I get 100 dollars per week but usually only spend about 60-70$, also since I started managing directly what I eat I lost 150 pounds, think about it)

>>3995

My parents make pretty good food, the problem is they make too much. So I often end up eating too much, or if I don't eat it, it gets thrown out and wasted. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

>>4022

>the problem is they make too much. So I often end up eating too much, or if I don't eat it, it gets thrown out and wasted

I will never understand why so many people do this. Is it really so hard to figure out how much food you normally eat then scale how much you make to match?

>>4275

Probably because it's harder to gauge how much food you need when you cook for an entire family. As my mother used to say: "It's better to have too much than too little"

On the other hand I will never understand why people make a big deal out of wasting food, and that's coming from a poorfag point of view.

>>4276

>On the other hand I will never understand why people make a big deal out of wasting food, and that's coming from a poorfag point of view.

I know right.

I can lose time when things are bad. Suddenly it's a hour later than it should be, and I have absolutely no memory of that hour passing. I also never do anything in the missing time, according to people who witnessed me in this condition I just sit there looking like I am thinking about something.

>>4167

I know that feel, too. But I meant a more "localized" phenomenon. I look at the clock, usually to see how much time I have to do something or until something will happen, and it's half past seven, and then I look again and it's nine o'clock. And I have done absolutely nothing and no recollection of the time in between.

>>4168

>. I look at the clock, usually to see how much time I have to do something or until something will happen, and it's half past seven, and then I look again and it's nine o'clock. And I have done absolutely nothing and no recollection of the time in between

This happens to me too sometimes.

many mgtows have checked out from society but are certainly NOT hikikomori, hikikomori's are checked out in a different way…. permanently checked in.

Conflating the two is like confusing a sword and a blunt butter knife. Yes they are vaguely similar, but they are significantly different.

>>2531

Exactly

>>2531

i was in fb mgtow group and it seems most of them are just men after failure in relationship yet they are still trying

>>1228

Hikis, herbivores, mgtows, fish ladies (or how they are called in japan) are all parts of the same phenomenon: People who are intelligent enough to realize how shitty the world and life are, are opting out of life and society. Using drugs and multimedia to escape from the uncomfortable modern life. Japan has record numbers of people in their fertile years who are not interested in starting families (males and females).

The trend will continue and japan is leading the race to the bottom.

>>3809

I'm giving you the best friend that you will ever have https://www.biroco.com/yijing/The_I_Ching_Oracle.pdf make friends with the I Ching, you can ask it anything except a yes or no answer, it wants to know you in depth. It is better than any human because you can talk to it about anything and it will always keep your secrets. But it will tell you the truth also. It is like a Great, Great Grandfather that you can always count on.

So I left you everything you need in this thread for a new beginning, every ending is a new beginning Gua 63 I Ching.

take care

>>3813

I don't know what I want, that's the thing. What does "getting out of the way" mean? How do you know the right thing will happen?

>>3817

I don't know anything, this is why I get out of the way. :) Ask your new best friend the I Ching, this is a very rare out of print advanced version, I gave it to you because it will become important later in your life. Get the version by Stephen Karcher, it's more satisfying to a beginner. Trust your self to make a new beginning.

take care

>>3817

I'm sorry but I'm not at my best at the moment, I'm feeling pretty sick. But I am interested in what what happens, so please let us know after you start working with the I Ching. This is the best way for you to understand is to actually experience it first hand, okay?

thank you

>>3817

>What does "getting out of the way" mean? How do you know the right thing will happen?

1) the ego is like a pitbull on guard duty, he scares everyone and thing away. 2) I've used the Yijing since 1980, and it has never hurt me, and it won't let you hurt others either. You can ignore the advise, but I regretted it every time I did that.

take care

>>1638

>Define "children"

Anyone under the legal age of consent.

>>1897

I forgot I had posted in here

Well then I guess I qualify. What can I say, 3dpd porn of a girl that might be on her early 20s or even 18, but has clearly had a million cocks/plastic dicks on her, it barely does anything to me. I live off doujins and asmd of girls, mostly around 14, because the feeling of purity/innocence gives me more of a boner than anything else has ever done. I might be fucked, but I like to think it says a lot about society too

It could be worse, I dont like anything like toddlercon, only girls that have just barely developed sexual attributes. Also, I know there's a fucking line between 2d and 3d and I'd never touch a real little girl

>>1632

That is an interesting point, I happen to like girls that are the same age as the girls in my class right before I started isolation. It is a huge coincidence

>>2043

> I guess I qualify

What do you mean by this anon??.

>That is an interesting point, I happen to like girls that are the same age as the girls in my class right before I started isolation. It is a huge coincidence

Same here

>>1895

>Sometimes I wish I never found 4chan.

>Pizza was indeed dropped there from time to time. Also "models" stuff from Candydoll and shady Russian sites. It was the beginning of a depraved downward spiral that no doubt helped fuck my life over.

Sane here going down the never ending rabbit hole that i should have never gone down tbh.

>>3294

it's because normals cannot imagine how that is like, they think that if they were hikki they would be the same as they are now only that they don't need to work anymore, in fact I cannot imagine them lasting more than a month, they would get bored and would start working again, kind of how boomers on their pensions get part time or some times full time jobs when they're retired

>>3302

You're exactly right, anon.

>>3339

Nice to see an italian here.

Who's the guy?

>>3372

>Nice to see an italian here.

I'm actually not Italian.

>Who's the guy?

Video related.

>>800

>Not true. It also happens if not more in the adult world. It's just conditioned to be acceptable or just a part of life.

This

you will go into your hopes/dreams/imagination/escapism and memories you had while living. everyone else is already up there with you [in your eyes] but you will still look and protect others while others are down here. you will be going home, whereever home is to you. may not be tomorrow/next year or whenever.

>be dead

>others see me as a decomposing corpse in a box [incase of zombie]

>you go into a dark black endless zone as your dreams/imagination load up from ye previous life

>a sucktion force graps you and you start going into warp-speed

>you drop out of the sky and land safely in a place you always dreamed of being

wanna reroll? wait a few months in dreamland.

when you die, EVERYTHING/ONE dies too [in your eyes].

what about ghost? they are the others that have unfinished things they need to do before they move on or need help moving on because they cannot find the light.

>there is literally nothing when we die

>our brain shuts off and that's the end

ye thinking of what the body goes through and what ye see while living.

afterlife = dreams/imagination/escapism/memories that you wanna [re]visit

so if you picture 'hell' or whereever that you will go to after death then ye will go there because that is where ye wanna be. if not, why do we dream?

and one day

the people that have died/the people upstairs will come for you and reunite you with your loved ones/friends/family/pets/etc that have loved/protected and watched over you and you will live forever in peace and happiness.

it may be tomorrow or next year or when you get older but one day you me and everyone else will go

at any moment, your heart could stop you could trip or something happens that /you/ cannot control because it was meant to happen as /they/ saw.

even tho i should be lPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>800

i was not bullied after finishing high school (besices cyberbullying from anons)

>>2672

Please don't say garbage like that when you don't even know this guy.