Hopelessness 引きこもり 01/11/18 (Thu) 06:33:25 f41703 No. 3423 [View All]
I really don't know what to do anymore everyday when i wake up i do the same things everyday. I've been a hikikomori since i was 13 and the older i get the harder it becomes for me to step back into the world i mean as far as i know Neetbux don't last forever and if i run out of cash i'm fucked if i don't find self employment work then i have to go live a normalfag lifestyle out of desperation. I know 24 is still super young but i don't feel that way after being withdrawn since 2007 i feel like an old man stuck in adolescence to be honest with you all because the days just all run together that i cant remember anything anymore ether unless something unique happens i honestly feel like i have no purpose in this world and that i wasn't meant to be apart of it in the first place can anyone relate??.
48 posts and 4 image replies omitted. Click [Open thread] to view. ____________________________
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引きこもり 01/12/18 (Fri) 05:38:34 f41703 No. 3598
>>3597
>What is reality to you?
That's a good question you know nobody has ever ask me that before i guess what i meant is i'm trying to escape society and just the pressures of normalfag life in general that have been put on me throughout the years. However in my reality i see me living a decent life in solitude away from society in a nice quiet room where food is delivered to me and i can live in peace.
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引きこもり 01/12/18 (Fri) 05:54:18 7fff07 No. 3602
>>3598
>That's a good question you know nobody has ever ask me that before i guess what i meant is i'm trying to escape society and just the pressures of normalfag life.
That isn't reality, it seems like it should be because the normals do it. What if I suggested that it's really the opposite of that? Society is a cooperative concept so that a large number of people can live together, but that isn't reality. If you went to the forest and made a camp fire and spent the night in sleeping bag now you've experienced reality, you left the dream of society behind, and all of the bad feelings that come with it. :)
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引きこもり 01/12/18 (Fri) 06:27:12 7fff07 No. 3605
>>3591
Enlightenment is a realization, there is nothing to get, it is not a goal, it is the very nature of life itself, it needs nothing to be added, to be improved. The joy of ones own existence is completely and sufficiently self fulfilling that it needs nothing. But the personal 'I' is greedy, and will make you jump through hoops to feed it new experiences, especially drama, hehe, unless you are beyond that already. Soon I'll talk with the BO and make a new thread to answer questions in more detail okay?
Bedtime, take care
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引きこもり 01/12/18 (Fri) 06:29:19 f41703 No. 3606
>>3602
> If you went to the forest and made a camp fire and spent the night in sleeping bag now you've experienced reality, you left the dream of society behind, and all of the bad feelings that come with it. :)
I've always thought about going into the woods and becoming one of those outdoor hermits it does seem peaceful but to be honest with you i don't think i could do it because my bedroom is the only safe comfortable place i've known since i was a small child and i like being surrounded by all of my stuff as well i don't think i could live without my electronics tbh.
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引きこもり 01/12/18 (Fri) 14:19:25 83a854 No. 3612
>>3596
yeah I was the same for the longest time but these days I don't care much about media,
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引きこもり 01/12/18 (Fri) 14:23:56 83a854 No. 3613
>>3606
I often think it'd be nice to life a primitive life in the woods, eating what you can hunt or forage, building a hut, making tools, but then I remember that this is very hard, you have to be in good shape, need to have a lot of previous knowledge about which kind of plants you can eat or not, how to make a bow, how to make arrows, how to use it, how to skin an animal, how to butcher it, how to make your food last a long time, how to start a fire from nothing, how to build tools, how to build a hut, how to survive through the winter, how to etc… It'd be nice to be able to do it, but I doubt I could.
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引きこもり 01/12/18 (Fri) 14:47:04 93759a No. 3614
Why is there so much posting…
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引きこもり 01/12/18 (Fri) 15:17:29 806350 No. 3617
>>3614
That's what I'm thinking.
But after all this is a hikki board, what else is there to do?
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引きこもり 01/12/18 (Fri) 15:27:21 a015d3 No. 3618
>>3613
You need skills that have been lost. And it would change your life drastically. There would be a whole new list of complaints. :)))
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引きこもり 01/12/18 (Fri) 15:41:35 93759a No. 3620
>>3617
I'm skeptical of a lot of posters in this thread considering the volume of "get motivated!" posts.
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引きこもり 01/12/18 (Fri) 16:41:32 f41703 No. 3622
>>3620
Some of the users on here are happy being hikikomori.
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引きこもり 01/13/18 (Sat) 01:13:42 f41703 No. 3626
>>3614
>Why is there so much posting…
Well we are all hikikomori therefore we have all the time in the world.
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引きこもり 01/13/18 (Sat) 06:27:23 a015d3 No. 3630
>>3582
>well yes, relationship is the word to describe the bond between two people, I wouldn't say these bonds don't exist. I appreciate you're trying to give me hope.
Hope is just a word, I'm helping you to understand that a concept is an imaginary idea, and most of your life is lived inside of ideas. Relationships do exist, but there is no relationship in liberation. Relationships do exist, but they don't last, they evaporate with a change of mind, so they are like a dream and only real in the mind of the hypnotized. When you wake up they go away, how many times have you heard someone say, "that wasn't what I thought it was?"
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引きこもり 01/13/18 (Sat) 06:36:05 a015d3 No. 3631
>>3620
We all just had a nice conversation about fear mostly and some other concerns but nothing bad happened. In liberation there is no good or bad anymore, there is just what happens. I know you don't understand, but if you want to talk about your fear this is the thread to do that.
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引きこもり 01/14/18 (Sun) 05:53:07 f41703 No. 3650
>>3613
>>3618
This is true i don't think i would be able to survive in the woods to be honest it's a lot more complicated than being comfy in your room.
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引きこもり 01/14/18 (Sun) 06:04:07 787f73 No. 3651
>>3650
Everything would change, because of your need for food and temperature control. So I've developed the path of least resistance over the years. Consider this: 99% of what you worry about never even happens, so train yourself to ignore it, only respond to what actually happens…in that is peace and quiet.
take care :)
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引きこもり 01/14/18 (Sun) 22:57:48 83a854 No. 3656
I wish my dad would stop drinking
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引きこもり 01/14/18 (Sun) 23:22:09 f41703 No. 3657
>>3656
>I wish my dad would stop drinking
Is he an alcoholic??.
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引きこもり 01/14/18 (Sun) 23:25:57 83a854 No. 3658
>>3657
yeah though I doubt he'd admit it
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引きこもり 01/15/18 (Mon) 01:50:51 e48468 No. 3662
This is why I hate watching anime with school settings; it reminds me of when I was in school, and the future didn't seem so bleak and scary. I know it's fiction, but it's still painful to watch these characters who are full of vitality and aspirations for the future, while I'm rotting in my room, wondering if I'm going to make it to 30
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引きこもり 01/15/18 (Mon) 01:52:50 e48468 No. 3663
>>3662
I wish I got into anime before I was 19 lol
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引きこもり 01/15/18 (Mon) 04:39:41 f41703 No. 3667
>>3663
>I wish I got into anime before I was 19 lol
I've been into anime since i was a child.
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引きこもり 01/15/18 (Mon) 04:54:56 f41703 No. 3669
>>3662
>but it's still painful to watch these characters who are full of vitality and aspirations for the future,
Tomoko had no future in the anime she had an anxiety attack in the final episode after accidentally seeing Megumi's underwear she ran home back to her room and basically went full on hikki now in the manga though it's a completely different story.
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引きこもり 03/15/18 (Thu) 03:21:55 eeb42a No. 4776
>>3662
Hell I didn't have any aspirations for the future but I didn't think I'd turn out like this
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引きこもり 03/15/18 (Thu) 04:22:40 f41703 No. 4789
>>4776
>I didn't have any aspirations for the future but I didn't think I'd turn out like this
Same here pretty much i never thought i would have ended up the way that i did but due to how i was treated when i was younger i guess it's just something that slowly happened overtime and of course i'm still living this way because i run away from my problems instead of facing my trauma i fucking admit it.
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Post last edited at 03/15/18 (Thu) 04:25:50
引きこもり 03/15/18 (Thu) 06:07:57 eeb42a No. 4798
>>4789
I don't think my childhood had much effect on my situation if anything I'd say the 2 main things that got me here was my mother's death and runescape.
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引きこもり 03/15/18 (Thu) 07:05:43 f41703 No. 4799
>>4798
I had a decent childhood but i did have a horrible adolescence and it just got worse overtime when i was 11 i had an abusive stepmother who would physically assault me and my 2 younger sisters she would always scream at us blame us for stuff she did and would force us to go outside and pick weeds from the ground on hot days my dad left her after putting up with that crap for 3 years and then when i entered middle school it didn't improve i was heavily bullied in middle school by the popular kids because they found out i was on the autism spectrum and that i was in the special education class and on top of that i tried to fit in and keep up with everyone else however my parents teachers and other elders were putting too much pressure on me to succeed at a very young age and i just couldn't keep up with everyone else nor live up to society's expectations and the expectations of my own family and because of all this social pressure and the fact that i was being treated like shit both at school and at home i started to feel disgusted with people and society as a whole so i started skipping school and staying at home in my room and that's how my hikikomori life began 11 years ago and i am still one today.
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引きこもり 03/15/18 (Thu) 07:55:42 eeb42a No. 4800
>>4799
How are you supporting yourself if you don't mind me asking?
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引きこもり 03/15/18 (Thu) 08:11:46 f41703 No. 4801
>>4800
>How are you supporting yourself
Right now i just live off of neetbux but i am currently looking into self employment work.
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引きこもり 03/15/18 (Thu) 09:16:12 eeb42a No. 4803
>>4801
Lucky, soon I will need to find work but it's gonna be hard explaining what i've been doing since 2010
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引きこもり 03/15/18 (Thu) 13:46:38 f41703 No. 4821
>>4803
> I will need to find work but it's gonna be hard explaining what i've been doing since 2010
Just tell them that you took a break from society.
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引きこもり 03/15/18 (Thu) 15:25:24 eeb42a No. 4822
>>4821
I never became part of it I haven't worked a day in my life
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引きこもり 03/15/18 (Thu) 19:35:47 62e72f No. 4824
>>4803
I was caring for sick family member, etc
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引きこもり 03/15/18 (Thu) 21:11:50 6614dd No. 4826
>>4803
>it's gonna be hard explaining
"Health problems".
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引きこもり 03/15/18 (Thu) 22:27:09 f41703 No. 4829
>>4822
>I haven't worked a day in my life
Me ether really except for i did have a part time job where i worked with my dad for 3 hours a few years ago although i don't really count that.
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引きこもり 03/15/18 (Thu) 22:56:22 f35d5c No. 4833
>>4799
My life wasn't completely horrible, but it wasn't great, just a basic kind of shitty. I was always a sort of inbetweener, not rich, not poor, just an unremarkable middle-class nobody. The kind of kid you would see who seemed normal at a glance, but was really shy, had a mess of a life, and held back a lot of bottled-up anger. Basically everything in my life from childhood to adolescence to adulthood has been just bad enough to keep me consistently miserable, and eventually result in my being a hikikomori. Now, finally, for the first time in 25 years I'm beginning to focus myself and make some positive changes in my life. For the first time I'm actually starting to have a few good days here and there. I can only hope this keeps up.
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引きこもり 03/16/18 (Fri) 03:08:38 f41703 No. 4839
>>4833
>I was always a sort of inbetweener, not rich, not poor, just an unremarkable middle-class nobody. The kind of kid you would see who seemed normal at a glance, but was really shy, had a mess of a life, and held back a lot of bottled-up anger. Basically everything in my life from childhood to adolescence to adulthood has been just bad enough to keep me consistently miserable, and eventually result in my being a hikikomori.
Same here i've been pretty much bottling up my anger ever since i was very little because as a child i was always told that acting out in any way was inappropriate i think the fact that i was never allowed to speak up on how i truly feel about certain things when i was a child caused me to be completely silent about my problems during my adolescence and also caused me to have anger issues as well which my parents and others called behavior issues i remember screaming in class and throwing a huge fit over the age of consent at 10 years old because i had a crush on one of my female teachers at the time and all of my other classmates made fun of me for it and other teachers told me that that kind of love was against the law i remember kicking and punching them and screaming and i think i had to be sent home i don't know?? i can't remember the rest but yeah it didn't improve during my adolescence especially with me being bullied in school i would come home from school my mom would ask me how was school today?? i would say fine not tell her anything and just go to my room i did this for a long time.
>Now , finally, for the first time in 25 years I'm beginning to focus myself and make some positive changes in my life. For the first time I'm actually starting to have a few good days here and there. I can only hope this keeps up.
I'm trying this as well but it gets hard especially when you have been isolated for so long.
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引きこもり 03/16/18 (Fri) 14:41:22 f35d5c No. 4841
>>4839
>i've been pretty much bottling up my anger ever since i was very little because as a child i was always told that acting out in any way was inappropriate i think the fact that i was never allowed to speak up on how i truly feel about certain things when i was a child caused me to be completely silent about my problems during my adolescence
Same, but when I got angry, my dad would respond with more anger and scream at me then spank me. I ended up being too afraid to speak up about anything and just bottled everything up.
>i would come home from school my mom would ask me how was school today?? i would say fine not tell her anything and just go to my room i did this for a long time.
I did this too. Even to this day my parents don't really know much about who I am or what I care about because I don't feel comfortable talking to them about anything aside from basic small talk.
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引きこもり 03/16/18 (Fri) 19:17:00 62e72f No. 4843
>>4839
>my mom would ask me how was school today?? i would say fine not tell her anything
I don't know if it's conditioning but that's all I can tell my parents even today, almost every response I give them is either "fine" or "okay"
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引きこもり 03/17/18 (Sat) 00:12:08 f41703 No. 4845
>>4841
> when I got angry, my dad would respond with more anger and scream at me then spank me.
That happened to me too although he didn't spank me my mom did that my dad would pin me down to my bed and hold me until i would calm down.
>Even to this day my parents don't really know much about who I am or what I care about because I don't feel comfortable talking to them about anything aside from basic small talk.
Same here really my parents have this illusion that i'm a very social person and love to talk about myself however it's nothing but a big lie that i have been putting on for years and they don't know the real me.
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引きこもり 03/17/18 (Sat) 00:18:22 7a6a49 No. 4846
>>4845
>Same here really my parents have this illusion that i'm a very social person and love to talk about myself however it's nothing but a big lie that i have been putting on for years and they don't know the real me.
It's why I despise holidays so much. What usually happens is I'm forced to go out and congregate with family, get drunk so I could force myself to talk to them, and then feel like shit for about a week because I can't handle alcohol for shit.
>Easter's in two weeks
Fuck me sideways.
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引きこもり 03/17/18 (Sat) 00:36:36 f41703 No. 4847
>>4846
>It's why I despise holidays so much.
I know right same.
>What usually happens is I'm forced to go out and congregate with family, get drunk so I could force myself to talk to them, and then feel like shit for about a week because I can't handle alcohol for shit.
The same thing happens to me i wish i had my own place where i lived completely on my own because if i did i would cut off all contact with my family tbh.
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引きこもり 03/17/18 (Sat) 02:18:32 f35d5c No. 4848
>>4845
>my mom did that my dad would pin me down to my bed and hold me until i would calm down.
They don't seem to realize the effect that these kinds of punishments have on the mind of a child. Instead of teaching us why our actions may be wrong, they chose to intimidate us and physically overpower us until we submit. Such methods teach nothing but anger and resentment.
>my parents have this illusion that i'm a very social person and love to talk about myself however it's nothing but a big lie that i have been putting on for years and they don't know the real me.
Same. My parents assume that I'm eager to get out into the world and makes friends and date and earn tons of money, but I don't really care about any of that. I just want to make enough money to support myself and be left alone.
>>4846
>>Easter's in two weeks
Damn, I didn't even realize this.
>>4847
i wish i had my own place where i lived completely on my own because if i did i would cut off all contact with my family tbh.
Me too. My plan is that once I can support myself, I'm going to get my own place and talk to my family less and less. My siblings never talk to me unless it's at a family gathering, so I basically just have to work on slowly distancing myself from my parents, then I can be alone and actually enjoy my life to some extent.
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引きこもり 03/17/18 (Sat) 23:59:58 f41703 No. 4858
>>4848
>They don't seem to realize the effect that these kinds of punishments have on the mind of a child
I know right tell me about it.
>I just want to make enough money to support myself and be left alone.
Same here i don't really care about making it out in the world tbh.
>My plan is that once I can support myself, I'm going to get my own place and talk to my family less and less. My siblings never talk to me unless it's at a family gathering, so I basically just have to work on slowly distancing myself from my parents, then I can be alone and actually enjoy my life to some extent.
Sounds like a good plan anon i may start wageslaving and saving up money to get my own place and once i have enough money to buy my own place ill. probably find a work from home job and return to the hikki life.
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Post last edited at 03/18/18 (Sun) 00:22:26
引きこもり 03/18/18 (Sun) 00:45:54 f35d5c No. 4860
>>4858
>i may start wageslaving and saving up money to get my own place and once i have enough money to buy my own place ill. probably find a work from home job and return to the hikki life.
I plan to do pretty much the same thing. I want to save up enough money for a new PC and a few other things I need, then go full hikki again. Hopefully if I can make enough working from home I can be a hikikomori indefinitely. I sometimes think it would be really nice to find a fellow hikki in my area and setup a roommate situation, or even have a group home of only hikkis. We could split the cost of things while still having the privacy we need. Of course, I have no idea how I could find other hikkis in my area to do a thing like that.
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引きこもり 03/18/18 (Sun) 03:50:19 f41703 No. 4870
>>4860
> I sometimes think it would be really nice to find a fellow hikki in my area and setup a roommate situation, or even have a group home of only hikkis
I've actually thought about this as well although i highly doubt there are other hikkis in my area i think i'm the only one however in late 2016 this asian otaku guy moved into the room next to mine in the group home i use to live at back then he was basically Yamazaki me and him would have anime and movie marathons everyday and played video games together and would walk to Mcdonalds or the convenience store together sometimes he only lived there for a few months and then he moved out and went back home to live with his parents and got a wagecuck job we basically had a Yamazaki and Satou kind of relationship it was a lot of fun back then and i do miss those days even though it wasn't that long ago at all.
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引きこもり 03/18/18 (Sun) 04:53:46 f35d5c No. 4872
>>4870
>it was a lot of fun back then and i do miss those days even though it wasn't that long ago at all.
That's understandable, sounded like a good friend to have. I often find that the people here on /hikki/ are the only people that I could get along with enough to want to live with. Even though we don't always share the same interests or views, there is always a willingness to understand one another which is a virtue that is lost in our society today.
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引きこもり 03/18/18 (Sun) 05:20:08 f41703 No. 4874
>>4872
> there is always a willingness to understand one another which is a virtue that is lost in our society today.
Ain't that the truth i mean holy crap I despise modern day politics so goddamn much nowadays you can't go anywhere out in society without someone giving their political opinion it's basically everywhere you go now and you're right anon the willingness to try and understand one another is lost in this modern society and i just really don't understand how anyone can look at what is happening in the world and not just want to fucking kill themselves the world is falling apart and it will only get worse as time passes people like us were never meant for this kind of a world.
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引きこもり 03/18/18 (Sun) 23:09:06 f35d5c No. 4881
>>4874
>you can't go anywhere out in society without someone giving their political opinion it's basically everywhere you go now
That's very true. There have been days where I've tried to avoid the political arguments that are all over the place, but it's impossible to avoid it entirely. I understand the significance of the events taking place in the world today, and why it's important to know how they can affect me, but sometimes I really just want a break from it all.
>people like us were never meant for this kind of a world.
Agreed. We're rational people in irrational times. We don't ask for much, but even still, we're stuck in a society that gives nothing and demands everything. Even the simple act of existing often feels like an uphill battle. That's why I'm glad we have this board, one of very few good places in a nasty and treacherous world.
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引きこもり 03/19/18 (Mon) 05:23:34 f41703 No. 4884
>>4881
> I understand the significance of the events taking place in the world today, and why it's important to know how they can affect me, but sometimes I really just want a break from it all.
Exactly same here pretty much.
>Agreed We're rational people in irrational times. We don't ask for much, but even still, we're stuck in a society that gives nothing and demands everything. Even the simple act of existing often feels like an uphill battle. That's why I'm glad we have this board, one of very few good places in a nasty and treacherous world.
I'm glad to hear that /hikki/ is able to help you in some way anon you know i've been thinking about something for awhile and that being i've noticed a lot of young people in their teens and 20s today basically have little to no motivation to go to school or work in the outside world i live in the US. and America obviously has a Neet problem because a lot of the people of this generation aren't working and are even skipping school and dropping out completely as well and this makes me wonder obviously hikikomori does exist here in the Us. because i am one myself but the whole Neet problem here in America makes me wonder if there will be a increase in not only Neets in the future but hikikomori as well and if the Us. will finally start recognizing hikikomori as a real social issue.
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