/hikki/ - Hikikomori

>>7032

Anyway, aside from recently upgrading my PC with some new hardware, I don't really spend my monthly NEETbux very much, if at all. I am "saving it" in a way by reinvesting the money back in improving/renovating my parent's house, which will eventually be my house someday (assuming the damn thing ever gets fully paid off, that is). If the mortgage wasn't an issue then, short of societal collapse (which itself is a very distinct possibility to happen within the next 10 years, frankly), I'd more or less be set for life. My parents have never had any qualms with my being an inert hermit and are, more or less, the perfect guardians for one such as myself. They fully accept that my WizNEETing isn't really a choice at this point, assuming it ever really was, and that I was more or less just born & destined for this life and, thus, accept me for who I am, as we all take care of each other the best we can. They're more than happy to leave me the house, but again, I just don't see how the mortgage will ever be paid off before they die unless either I or my parents (who are relatively old themselves now, Mom is mid 50's, Dad is early 60's) get a sizeable inheritance of some kind or we otherwise win the lottery, so in the end it's all somewhat of a waste. Hopefully the dominoes will all fall the right way for things to work out, but either way what can you do. I do sometimes wish I had caught the shooting star of the bitcoin craze somehow. Then we could all be living in a nice big three story house with total financial security. Like most who fantasize about easy fortunes they missed the boat on, it hurts quite a lot to think about.

There's also the possibility that my brother might end up subsidizing my existence after my parents can no longer do so, since he makes quite a lot of money doing research at a private firm and making knick knack furniture in his off time for bored rich people with more dollars than sense, and is going into a career in medicine that will probably make him even more money. Maybe he'll end up paying for everything, but again. Who can say. All depends on how the chips fall. Tossed about just like a ship on the ocean.

Ultimately, the only thing Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>7045

>It's way too big, though

Our house is a cheap Canadian bungalow built in the 50's that's about the size of a shoebox and, to most people I'd imagine, be barely seem fit to house even two people, let alone an entire family. We're barely a step up from the "Trailer Park Boys", assuming you've ever heard of that show. I don't even know how both me & my brother growing up managed to survive stuffed up in this sardine can without all the walls getting splattered with blood in the process. The lack of space here has long been a point of great stress, especially for me. Neither of us had our own rooms and were forced to share one a lot would consider the size of a closet. The hilarity being we never even used it as such, since it basically just became the computer area for the family and a walk in storage closet for random crap, since there was never any other place to put such things. In the end, no one had the luxury of private space or a room, not even my parents. I slept in the living room with my Dad, me on a mattress on the floor and him in a cot in the hallway near the front door, & my brother slept in my Mom's room. The day my brother left for university and started living on his own was such a momentous one for me, since it meant there'd be one less person taking up space here and more room to actually breathe. However, even when he comes back to visit he still needs to sleep in the same bed as my Mother since it's still the only bedroom in the house and there's literally nowhere else for someone to sleep. He left sometime in 2010, but it wasn't until late 2016 that I finally got my own room after a long road of constant struggle, which included much scrimping and saving along with many heated arguments with my parents. The living room was refitted to serve as a living space for me with a door I could lock and everything. My Dad had begun to live/sleep in our basement since about 2014, which made the arrangement a perfect one since everyone (me in the living room, my mom in her room/the computer room, and my father in the basement) all finally had our own corners to retreat to. It all sounds rather frighteningly awful and, I suppose in a lot of ways, it kinda was. Being constantly exposed for all those many years in an open space and never knowing a single moment of privacy Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>7047 (You)

(Continued from my last post. The word limit on this site is rather restrictive to be honest)

>>7045

>Even if I got a job (unlike you, I have never had one), it would never be enough, since continuing my education would be intolerable and jobs that pay well are not things that I would be able to do for more than a day or two before running back home.

I wouldn't even be able to do that. I'd sooner fling myself off the nearest bridge and drown (I don't know how to swim). Just because I had a part time job for two to three weeks 12 years ago, doesn't make me all that capable. If anything it only strengthens my conviction to never be in a position where I'd have return to that kind of shit. I'd say I got off pretty easy, though, given how brief my stint was with employment in general. Many have had to endure far worse in the working world after all.

>A small apartment is all I need.

I think I'd hate an apartment because what if you're living next to some annoying asshole who ends up tormenting you in some way. Think how Satou was forced to listen to that "Purin Purin" shit over & over again because the walls were so thin. I'd be way too cowardly & timid to make a fuss over it like he did, which means I'd just be at the mercy of whatever asshole happened to be next door. On the reverse, I'd be too scared to play anything loud because what if someone complains to the management and they come kicking down my door. Too much potential anxiety for me. Besides, I've already had to grapple with shit like that for most of my life already.

>>7047

>My mother has been unemployed for going on almost 3 decades

That's actually not true and is rather unfair to her actually. Not sure why I said that. She's had many jobs throughout the years. Just none she could make a full career out of. She's worked as a seamstress, a customer service representative at Sears, and, lastly, with an insurance company as a signing agent, which was about 10 years ago now.

I'm always saddened by the fact that my mother is actually a very talented woman and once had a well paying job in medicine that she gave up when she met my father. There was even opportunities for her to become a school teacher of some kind way back when, but she never pursued them. The extra money certainly would've been nice, but, in many ways, she's a NEET hermit like me, so I can't blame her for dropping out of everything. Besides, she's largely the reason things are basically as comfy around here as they are, what with being my main confidant/shield to the outside world. I'd never have gotten my NEETbux if it weren't for her diligently filling out all the forms and making sure I got what I needed, for instance.

Delivery for food and snacks and everything else and pay someone to take out garbage for you. For me, my maids do it usually.

Getting fresh meats and produce is kind of hard, but I have been useing shipt to get delivery from the grocery store.

Amazon definitely. It's really easy for myself, most of the things I want to do I can do form the computer, so it's not too much of a struggle.

Is it just going outside or is it more needing strategies to avoid having to get stuff in person?

>>3753

When I was in college a lot of women would mention that they were on the social work track because it was pay for by a grant, so they would get mostly a free ride. I never got the sense that any of them were naturals at it. They tended to be normies or the preachy types that liked to look like they were giving back.

>>6932

Hence why many therapists these days tend to be little more than apathetic, pill pushing snakes. They aren't in the field because of some altruistic compulsion to help people (as it should be), they're in it for an easy career.

Female hikkis are kinda rare. I don't remember the figure in Tamaki Saitō's book or if he gave an exact one, but I'm 90% sure he mentioned that it's usually men. There are some women, ones that aren't just staying single so they can live at home, who are hikikomori, it comes up in some documentaries. I wonder what the reason is especially given that girls are more vicious with emotional bullying, it seems like that would be an easy trigger

What a joke of subreddit women can't be hikki

>>6966

>subreddit

The hikikomori reddit page is cancer don't go there anon.

>Women can't be hikki

Not completely true they do exist but they just are extremely rare and if a female happens to be Neet/Hikki she isn't gonna be one for very long because women have it better than men.

>>1749

I can definitely relate to your position, Im open to helping the anon youre talking about, Im into C# so if that anon wants some help Im free.

>>1744

I concur.

You could even set up a package mailbox so people could drop off their computers without social interaction being necessary.

Just justify it with being very busy.

>>1750

>I can definitely relate to your position

I think everyone on here can relate to one another in the sense that were all hikikomori this board has only been around for 3 months and i do the best i can to keep it a small comfy board for true hikkis.

>>1750

I've been thinking about doing computing programming to support being hikki, too. What would you suggest? How do you have things set up, what sort of sites do you use to got work, and what sort of work would you recommend for hikkis?

>>6896

Yeah, I'm still alive. My mental state is looking a little better. I found a therapist who I sort of connect with. Out of everyone I've seen so far, he's been the best. But even he doesn't really get me completely and my symptoms are strange to him.

I finally regained some of my ability to read and write. I can more or less understand the plot of a novel if I re-read it a couple of times. So I have that going for me.

>>6903

>I lurked for a while before actually ever commenting. I think it's part of the hikki mindset.

I'll see a post, consider replying to it, then put it off for a week before actually saying anything. I did this in real life too.

>>6896

i'm still alive. holidays weren't great. my mother kept pushing me to go to various things and i kept saying no. it feels really bad constantly telling someone no. i try my best to keep my situation under wraps with my parents, but i was forced to tell her that i cant go out because i'd have an anxiety attack. i managed to only have to attend 1 family event for two hours.

my big problem this year is that i lose my insurance soon. i have multiple health issues that i've been procrastinating getting fixed. i cant see past 10 feet, two of my fingers have been asleep for a month, and i haven't been to a dentist in a long time. i really dont want to go to the doctor but if i dont soon i won't be able to ever again for free.

>>6896

I fell for the noodles that many hikkis were chilling for in other threads.

Usually I either eat egs, chips or peas depending on the day and my mood.

I tried the meat flavored local brand. I expect to be too chemical but I liked it.

One other meal to recycle with the others.

Holidays for me definitely aren't fun, but they're not too bad either. The silver lining of having a narcissist dad is that you are never expected to speak. My brother got married, so it was the first Thanksgiving and Christmas we had with two families together. The larger number of people made it impossible to have intimate conversations, which I appreciated. It took attention away from me too. One young man in the other family seemed to be in a constant state of dissociation; it made me curious about what was wrong with him.

I got Super Mario Odyssey for Christmas. I greatly enjoy the Balloon World game.

It is difficult to keep myself from repeating the problematic thought patterns. I try to keep myself distracted to ward off the effects they have on me but the core issue is still there, only subdued. I've tried, arduously to get rid of these parts of my psyche and I do not see them going away upon sheer willpower alone. Whenever I drink they're less apparent but if I were to use that as a means of change in my life, I'd become an alcoholic. I know Marjiuana helps but in that case I'd have to fork over so much cash that I simply do not posses. There's no chemical solution to something like this as a Hikki in most cases, which is one of the main differences between us and normies. Normies drown out habits/problems like this through substances we lack the means to acquire.

So it all comes down to you. I've always thought that if you repeat to yourself an ideal of who you want to be, when visualizing it enough you become that ideal. Such is not ALWAYS the case for becoming a normie when you're a Hikki but it does work on smaller things with enough concerted effort. If you want to for example stop thinking about a memory you have that was embarrassing the way to go about this would to be first, reconcile the existence of that memory by speaking about it to someone else (even in text this is helpful though I'd recommend verbalizing it to yourself whilst/after writing it). Through anonymity you'll be able to get this off your chest with virtually no repercussions. The second step in this equation is more tricky. It's learning the ability to appreciate what is happening now vs. then. It's unlikely that the mistake will be made again. The way I internalize this is by telling myself "I accept whatever has happened because in the end it made who I am now and I'm proud of that". That seems like a massive undertaking ideologically for many a' self loathing hikki but hear me out here.

If you can find pride in something about yourself, anything even if that pride is facilitated by putting down others you're on a decent track to some form of confidence. From here one must continually repeat those positive attributes to oneself until you BELIEVE that you're good in some way. And trust me when I say this, believing it sincerely in your heart is extremely important. If you can make a positive image of yourself then it will be ePost too long. Click here to view the full text.

I've found that the music I listen to affects my thought patterns. I've stopped listening to music with certain themes, and it's helped across time.

>>6702

Make a list of the things you don't like, and the things you like. Do a small amount each day to reduce the former and increase the latter. Sticking to it's the hard part, but you'll get something done, at least, however small, and that'll add up over time.

Example, I ate too much takeaways, and they were expensive. I bought a freezer - because I'm sure you can relate, shops aren't really open in the early AM, so whenever my sleep pattern coincides with the outside world, I stock up - and made batches of curries instead. The next step for me, is learning to make bread.

>>6713

>Often when I'm overthinking I check what I have thought about 12 years ago or so. Back then, I was far more neutral down-to-earth guy, now it's like loosing oneself like a crazy conspiracy theorist in stupid conclusions.

I'm like this, and my elder brother was this x100 until he finally lost it. It just means you have a conscience, and you want the ideal consequences for your actions.

CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy)

Basically you confront your rationalizations for why you're acting or thinking as you are which you don't like. Then considering why you were rationalizing it in the first place.

For example, I used to think my sleep schedule was set by my poor attention to time management and lack of interest in being awake during the day. I tried (while I wouldn't recommend it) sleeping pills to force the behavior change. I discovered that the real reason was not my rationalizations that I had come up with. When I slept at night I would need to have access to the common areas of my house at the same time as my co-habitants and that would cause conflicts that changing sleeping times avoided and actually was facilitating a less disharmonious relations: if I ate when people were settling into bed, showered when people were asleep and woke up when everyone else was at work.

Steps

1. Try to write down why you think you do the things you don't like. It doesn't have to elaborate just enough that it helps you become conscious of what you think might be causing the behaviors or thoughts.

2. Now that you think you know why you're doing what you don't like, consciously try anything different. It doesn't have to work. Basically you are testing weather you rationalization is correct.

3. If you were right about the rationalization, then great your done. Else, return to step 1 and repeat the process adding what you learned form the last time you did step 2.

Some times this can be done by talking to a professional, but writing it down can work just as well. If you have gnu emcas you can use the doctor program; it's the same idea.

At least for me writing stuff down, even if I never look at it again, gets it out of my head. It's like a reverb on a wire travailing around and around in my head. I'll stop my self suddenly and be right back were I was when upset or having a confrontation and it was all real again. It just keeps travailing around and around. Writing down seems to release it. The added bonus is that if I even want to infect my self again, I know here to find whPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>6062

>I save almost anything else, from imageboard images to videos I care about.

I do this as well.

>>6120

I've been an aspiring minimalist (huehue) since I read some articles on zenhabits years ago. Problem is I have parents who literally collect napkins and ketchup packets like those. And they bought me tons of stuff for my aparment over the years. If I disposed of stuff that I don't care for or change the renovation too much they would get wounded about it. It's like my life is still their territory down to my living spaces. Point is I can't make myself let go of their precious strings-attached bullshit. Anyway my neighbour also collects drinking straws toilet paper etc, his kitchen cabinets are filled with plastic containers. Must be a boomer thing

i've come to love collecting obscure books and other weird things. there are so many wondrous things that can't be obtained digitally. life's too short to worry about how many possessions you have

My room's mostly clean. There's always clutter on the surfaces though.

I tend to organize my "horde" so it's easier to find things when I need it. It's a habit I got from my mom.

I eat cheap generic bulk-pack macncheese. I mix in cream of chicken from a can with the cheese sause and eat that. If canned chicken is on sale I mix in about 1 10oz can of that

Yeah, we only have Nissan, Maru, and Too here. But we also have all their byproducts like yakisoba also.

I actually eat for chicken nuggets and ravolis then instant ramen but I still keep a stock pile of it.

>>6142

I own 2 ps3 first gens which I got for $60 each (make sure they have the warranty label still on otherwise they may have been reflowed and will die in a month) and once CFW'd they are a terrific. I even installed OtherOS++ which was cool I heard someone got the RSX chip drivers working. Would highly recommend. Anything 4.81 OFW and below is CFW able with a network switch and a computer although I did mine before the crack and flashed mine with a teensy++ 2.0 and 360clip.

There are plenty of sites with game rips such as nicoblog.org with plenty of Mega links

Also about all vitas being hacked please tell me more I was looking into them before.

maybe buy some hard drive

game you always can pirate ,just save it

Save until you will need it

>>6768

>Also about all vitas being hacked please tell me more I was looking into them before.

https://vita.hacks.guide/

Basically every firmware but the latest (3.69) can be softmodded now, gone are the days where if you wanted a CFW ready Vita you had to order a brand new one from japan or make doubly sure to tell the ebay seller not to update it to the latest firmware before sending it it happened a lot, and people still don't know if they did it out of sheer idiocy or just malice, expandable storage also got insanely cheap, back then the biggest you could get was a official 64GB memory card from japan with a $150 pricetag, or a 32GB one from the states for about $70 if you didn't want to import, but now you can order a $5 SD2VITA adapter from china and the biggest SD card you can afford.

If you're looking into getting a Vita i recommend you get one of the FAT models, it has a gorgeous OLED screen and the 3G port can be replaced with a SD slot, but it lacks internal storage (slim has 1GB that gets disabled once you insert a memory card in it) which means you need to get a official sony memory card in order to hack it, but that's not an issue, you can grab a 4GB one from any pawnshop for $5 and hack it, then pop your adapter+128GB memory card inside it.

>>6764

How did you aquire an autoflagellation disorder might I ask?

Saging because replying to a very old post.

>>5770

>Personality disorders are not something you get diagnosed with after just an appointment or two

> It's very rare that you actually receive the Avoidant diagnosis without first getting labeled with some standard form of Social Anxiety instead.

I got the AvPD diagnosis after a single written test.

>>6727

Looks comfy.

I like winter and snowy weathers. I would walk there for hours.

>>6728

And what is your weather now, anon. Snow also or not?

P.S Sorry for my english

>>6729

Neither hot nor cold right now.

It rarely snows where I live, like a week of snow at most every 5 years.

>>6727

Im very jealous, I have not seen snow in about 10 years, not even the crappy thin snow that melts before it hits the floor

I don't get too much shit from my family, but that's probably because I'm legally disabled and they all rely on me for tech support.

>>2194

My mum did this with my cum rags. I want to die every time I think about it.

>>2559

>When I was growing up, my dad would scream at me for anything and everything, talk to me like I'm an idiot, laugh at me for making a mistake, or spank me with a belt because he saw that as a cure-all solution. On the few occasions that he didn't do any (or all) of those, he would make me feel guilty for not wanting to spend time with him, but why would I? He always made me feel like shit. Between his constant anger and belittling, paired with my mom's enabling, I never stood a chance.

Change "Mom's enabling" to "Mom's participation" and that's me to a fucking tee. Reading this literally fucked me up, because it sums up my "childhood" so fucking well. I can safely say I wouldn't be who I am if it wasn't for them.

>>2587

>having cum rags

>not shooting that shit straight into your blanket

>>3988

research chemicals

anyone who takes them is basically a guinea pig

I dream of getting pentobarbital to come down off of speeds with. People say it is lush

I like staying up sometimes on armodafinil. It doesnt get you high, really. But you feel as awake as if you just got up for an extra 12 hours so if you do art or something you can stay up.

>>6739

>any of you got advice on stuff I should/should not take

Doesn't matter, but be sure to not take anything for years / for life. Drugs should serve only temporarily.

>>6665

that's always a rough one

>>6665

happened to me too.

had to climb from balcony to balcony on the second floor to get back inside

>>6692

Spider-hikki

>>6692

>>6706

Reminds me of the anon that used to climb out of his window and back up for snacks in order to avoid people.

>>6674

My original key was damaged and this was the occasion that it finally stopped working. I called the letting's agency, and had them drop off the only spare key. While I waited outside, some kids (this is in a really bad part of town, cheap though) kicked a puddle of water at me and ran off.

>>6692

That sounds great, if a little bit dangerous.

I'd kill myself before trying to return to normal life, and couldn't be a homeless because I don't have any confidence to steal or beg.

My plan b, where I don't kill myself, is going to the south (in my country) and just try to live off the nature in a remote forest, I mean like an hermit. I shared this idea with a psychologist once but she told me it's "schizophrenic" to live alone like that.

>>6482

>I'd kill myself before trying to return to normal life, and couldn't be a homeless because I don't have any confidence to steal or beg.

I basically am the same way anon.

>>6482

>My plan b, where I don't kill myself, is going to the south (in my country) and just try to live off the nature in a remote forest, I mean like an hermit.

I've fantasized about that too, when I was still back in school (though I was ostracized even back then). Hermit life always looked so peaceful. Just you by yourself, no disturbances, sitting by a pond and watching the beauty of nature, maybe with a wooden cane or something and a cozy little cabin in the woods with a fireplace. I'd have a dog, maybe, and we'd go hiking together everyday.

I actually started thinking up plans, but there was the problem of just finding enough food to eat and having to hunt things, survive the winter when the animals are hibernating and the plants don't grow, and then there's things I'd need like medicine if I get an infection, and bullets to hunt with, I could never get that from nature. There are some pretty big animals out there too, and I'd probably get mauled by a bear or something if I tried it, especially if I was carrying fresh hunted game.

>>6418

>Probably everything past late 20s.

>>6426

>Problem is that our situation is very long and incredibly hard process to recover from and that there is really no reason to escape from it outside of being forced to.

>When you have your basic needs taken care of, why would you care about mindlessly working or rejoining the cesspool of society?

>>6671

That said, I believe in a deterministic view of the hikikomori life: the "hikikomori personality" is in the DNA; sooner or later in your life you will become a hikikomori.

In this respect, the point of no return is when you are born.

There is no real social environment where such a personality would do well. I've had a pretty good childhood and now I'm a recluse anyway.