/hikki/ - Hikikomori

>>7214

>Anyway, just think about how annoying eating actually is. It's a huge waste of time, and your life would be much better if you didn't have to do it.

Naw I love eating, it's literally the best part of my day and I try to do it as much as possible. I'm a true glutton through and through.

>diet advice

Like all fat people I've been on a hundred diets and I'l do a hundred more. I've gained and lost hundreds of pounds on multiple occasions. I fucking despise being fat, and fat people in general. I view it as a physical manifestation of weakness. I think I'l stop being fat in the near future when I stop having money to pay for excessive food.

>I think you are probably prone to addiction in general. Definitely don't drink alcohol.

I don't think I'm prone to addiction. I drink alcohol occasionally, and certainly had times in my life where i got blackout drunk ever night. I have no urge to drink though. I'm completely neutral towards alcohol. I've tried opiate pills and went off them with little to no urge to continue. I wouldn't even say I'm addicted to mmo's, as I constantly stop playing them when there is nothing left to do. I'm just trying to pass the time.

>Sleeping is terrible as well, and everything makes it difficult for me so it's even worse.

I fucking love sleeping. I try to get 12 hours a day and if it was possible I'd sleep forever. When you sleep 16 hours a day it really fucks with your sense of time, its one of the most comfy feelings i've ever felt. Not knowing or caring about time.

> I have just made a tunnel from the ocean all the way to hell

I haven't played terraria since it was released but didn't hell not allow water? Like the water would just disappear near the hell realm.

>>7219

(Continued from above….)

>In a way, what I want is to completely melt and become one with someone else, so I can't be that attached to the self.

I've always loved the idea of that as well, and have fantasized about something similar many times. Being fluidically connected to someone else and having our skulls, bones, muscles pass through each other like jello. No secrets, no fears, everything laid bare. Fusing together to form something new. In my case, the Great Link of the Founders from DS9 comes to mind and more specifically how Odo could link with another of his kind and completely lose himself euphorically in it.

>I only do it in games that I like a lot, if I care enough

Same here, although, even after all this time, I sometimes find myself going after achievements I'd otherwise rather not bother with. For the most part however, I just ignore them.

My poison used to be the PS trophy system. When I "retired", as it were, I had 18 000+ trophies, 300+ platinums, 700+ ultra rare trophies (one of the highest globally at the time), and a completion rate of over 97%. Eventually I hit a breaking point and just couldn't do it anymore. Since then I've pretty much exclusively been playing on PC.

>she was miserable to begin with, so she would just be like that possibly for the rest of her life if she didn't find anyone else.

Fair enough, but, personally, I still think that misery was only enhanced by their meeting. Call it my own little complex, or whatever, but I just can't help, but see relationships, of any form, as being vehicles for further harm to take place. The best, and only, answer being to avoid it. If there's one right thing I've done in my life it's at least been that. To do as little harm as possible and to remain in the grandstands of philosophical & worldly detachment, having bothered as few people as possible witPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>7214

>I also started eating once a day because I could play more games for longer periods of time and marathon more anime if I didn't waste time on that, and that trained my mind to not care about food anymore.

>Still eating once a day for the most part whether that's healthy or not

I also lost a ton of weight about a year ago just by eating one meal a day and removing all the sugar laden shit from my diet. Which, in my case, wasn't really that much since, even when I was a fat ass, I absolutely hated the continually recurring bothersome chore of having to eat (still do) and never had soda, or most kinds of sweets, junk food & pastries, since I hated the taste of 90% of it. The worst thing that kept me fat by far, personally speaking, was chocolate milk and, more or less, having a glass of it after every meal. Just dropping that alone made a huge difference to me and I probably would've been at a much more stable weight years prior had I just gotten rid of it sooner. The only thing I drink nowadays is water and, occasionally, some almond milk when I feel like having a bowl of oatmeal. I also dropped eating any kind of bread as well and haven't had a slice of bread or a single piece of fast food/junk food in over a year. My Mom makes me tons of healthy meals these days (really came to like brussel sprouts & broccoli funnily enough, after finally trying them for the first time) and, at this point, you honestly couldn't even pay me to eat the disgusting slop I used to pollute myself with. Modern mass produced "food" is simply poison and proper home cooked meals, like the kind I enjoy, are really the only answer. It also helps that I have an extremely weak digestive system which, more often than I'd like, made eating junk food/fast food a literal hell, since it'd be left up to a coin toss whether or not I'd then end up getting crippling gut cramps later on. The kind that have you bowled over on the floor, pretty much totally incapacitated. Increasingly visceral pain such as that, can be, as I found, a wonderful motivator for change.

The idea of Misaki also really motivated me to change since I felt, and still do, that if she were real, I'd need to be as slim Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>7074

>Currently reading Vineland, next will be Inherent Vice, then The Crying of Lot 49, and then V. After I'll either take a break from Pynchon or read the rest of his works.

>What have you guys been reading?

>

I'm straying from the alienation theme, but I really liked Life of a Counterfeiter. It's a short story about a painter who counterfeited the works of a more successful artist, and could never find any happiness in himself.

>>6946

I just started reading Stoner, and I can already see his attitude of detachment right from the beginning. Hopefully I can keep myself focused on finishing it.

>>7074

Nice, I just finished reading Vineland a while back. It's definitely a good book, and Pynchon's style and technique is really entertaining. Best of luck at becoming a better reader.

>>6834

The computer gives access to an entire universe (the internet), but it still feels like "just the computer" after some time. Everything feels the same.

Try to do something that doesn't involve the computer, like drawing or learning an instrument.

These activities will develop a connection with your own body.

the only things I participate in are things I enjoy, and that's almost never been anime.

>>6834

I have the same problem, I can never finish anything,if I even start anything at all.

Something I've been doing recently though is trying to get myself to want to play a game or watch a movie due to someone else having enthusiasm for it.

As an example, I was watching a guy on youtube called Jordan Underneath who made a video about how he loves Abes oddysee, and by the end of the video he had me wanting to play it. so i did.

and every time I'm playing it and my mind starts to dull again i just re-watch the video and i enjoy it again.

its been a month and i still haven't got through the game though, so the tactic is a work in progress. ha

so maybe use that trick with other things, look up retrospective videos on movies and games and see if it helps you enjoy things a little more.>>6834

>>6284

>Pic is a cat grass plant I've grown at home using all things I ordered online.

Wish i had time for hobbies like that.

Buy freeze dried food, at least one water filter, a USB solar panel or 2 + battery charger + batteries. You can do this thru Amazon or thru various freeze dried food websites. Convert your neetbux to gold if you can. Don't forget toilet paper and toothpaste and soap. You don't want fleas. And you better have a radio and a portable game system to pass away the time.

Congratulations, when the shit hits the fan you can bug in and be /comfy/ while everything goes fucking Venezuela out there. That's what I buy and I have ever since I got my autismbux 10 years ago.

>>6280

Here in UK you can order shopping direct to door for £1-3 ($1-$4) from store maybe worth looking into.

>>6419

Some of those freeze dried sites sell go-bag kits. That might be worth looking into. Also get yourself a nit comb. Even if you don't have fleas, they're really good at removing dandruff from hair. And if you do end up with fleas or lice (due to your fellow humans), then the nit comb pulls those things out of your hair.

>>4650

60 which isn't THAT old, but he is almost morbidly obese

>>4651

> 60 which isn't THAT old, but he is almost morbidly obese

Sorry to hear that anon.

>>4653

>Not happy but just content until I have my bad days when the depression kicks in, other times I get lonely and wonder why I've done this to myself.

Same here pretty much.

>IBS

>Panic Disorder

>Depression

>No appetite

>Underweight

>No energy, always tired

>No hygiene (shower once every week, never brush teeth)

>Maladaptive daydreaming

>Always talking to self

>Suicidal tendencies

>Depersonalisation

>Feet always cold

it's all so tiresome

I have a really bony ass which, quite literally, makes my butt hurt almost all the time, regardless of how comfy the chair I'm sitting in is. The bottom part of my thighs also feel like jello and sometimes cause me discomfort after prolonged periods of sitting. Doing some squats and Turkish Get-Ups everyday helped a little when I was exercising on a regular basis for a good 3-4 months last year, but then I started experiencing rather severe ETD (Eustachian tube dysfunction). My left ear would plug up like crazy almost all the time, despite having nothing in it whatsoever. Once I stopped exercising it went away completely, even though I still sometimes experience it every now & again.

I used to suffer from having an extremely weak digestive system which led to lots of painful stomach & intestinal cramping, but taking pro-biotics everyday seems to have cleared that up and I haven't suffered from anything like that for a while.

Social anxiety

Depression/ bipolar

Chronic alcoholic

Drug abuse

Anti-social behavior

>>7091

Same guy^^forgot to mention physical stuff but i have chronic back, joint and knee pains.

>>5358

Same here, also have no car and worried I'd look stupid bringing my beat-up backpack into the store or people thinking I would steal since this is a seedy area.

>>5194

>I actually did get my licence at 23. The landwhale who administered the test actually scoffed at my age since getting a licence after 18 is apparently abnormal

I got mine after my twentieth birthday and the slut behind the desk kind of subtley mocked me too. Do your job, I didn’t ask for the judgement

>>7031

>2005

Typo, meant to say 2007.

>>1251

That's from the Korean section right? I don't know much about their styles or themes but I've heard good things about Gate of Revelation in the past. I hope you find it enjoyable, but even if you don't there's plenty of others books to choose from until something takes your fancy.

>>1261

>That's from the Korean section right? I

Not sure

>>1261

Those aren't Korean characters. Those look like this

안녕하세요 (An nyong ha say yo) formal hello; literally means do you walk with peace.

>>4381

I meant that I'm trying to prepare myself for future conditions, not that I'm trying to get used to a new situation.

>>4379

>lucky

>live in Australia

I might not have to deal with snow, but I have to deal with 35+ degree weather.

>>4385

>I meant that I'm trying to prepare myself for future conditions, not that I'm trying to get used to a new situation.

Oh i see okay never mind i misunderstood.

>>4386

>I might not have to deal with snow, but I have to deal with 35+ degree weather.

Damn.

>>7032

Anyway, aside from recently upgrading my PC with some new hardware, I don't really spend my monthly NEETbux very much, if at all. I am "saving it" in a way by reinvesting the money back in improving/renovating my parent's house, which will eventually be my house someday (assuming the damn thing ever gets fully paid off, that is). If the mortgage wasn't an issue then, short of societal collapse (which itself is a very distinct possibility to happen within the next 10 years, frankly), I'd more or less be set for life. My parents have never had any qualms with my being an inert hermit and are, more or less, the perfect guardians for one such as myself. They fully accept that my WizNEETing isn't really a choice at this point, assuming it ever really was, and that I was more or less just born & destined for this life and, thus, accept me for who I am, as we all take care of each other the best we can. They're more than happy to leave me the house, but again, I just don't see how the mortgage will ever be paid off before they die unless either I or my parents (who are relatively old themselves now, Mom is mid 50's, Dad is early 60's) get a sizeable inheritance of some kind or we otherwise win the lottery, so in the end it's all somewhat of a waste. Hopefully the dominoes will all fall the right way for things to work out, but either way what can you do. I do sometimes wish I had caught the shooting star of the bitcoin craze somehow. Then we could all be living in a nice big three story house with total financial security. Like most who fantasize about easy fortunes they missed the boat on, it hurts quite a lot to think about.

There's also the possibility that my brother might end up subsidizing my existence after my parents can no longer do so, since he makes quite a lot of money doing research at a private firm and making knick knack furniture in his off time for bored rich people with more dollars than sense, and is going into a career in medicine that will probably make him even more money. Maybe he'll end up paying for everything, but again. Who can say. All depends on how the chips fall. Tossed about just like a ship on the ocean.

Ultimately, the only thing Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>7045

>It's way too big, though

Our house is a cheap Canadian bungalow built in the 50's that's about the size of a shoebox and, to most people I'd imagine, be barely seem fit to house even two people, let alone an entire family. We're barely a step up from the "Trailer Park Boys", assuming you've ever heard of that show. I don't even know how both me & my brother growing up managed to survive stuffed up in this sardine can without all the walls getting splattered with blood in the process. The lack of space here has long been a point of great stress, especially for me. Neither of us had our own rooms and were forced to share one a lot would consider the size of a closet. The hilarity being we never even used it as such, since it basically just became the computer area for the family and a walk in storage closet for random crap, since there was never any other place to put such things. In the end, no one had the luxury of private space or a room, not even my parents. I slept in the living room with my Dad, me on a mattress on the floor and him in a cot in the hallway near the front door, & my brother slept in my Mom's room. The day my brother left for university and started living on his own was such a momentous one for me, since it meant there'd be one less person taking up space here and more room to actually breathe. However, even when he comes back to visit he still needs to sleep in the same bed as my Mother since it's still the only bedroom in the house and there's literally nowhere else for someone to sleep. He left sometime in 2010, but it wasn't until late 2016 that I finally got my own room after a long road of constant struggle, which included much scrimping and saving along with many heated arguments with my parents. The living room was refitted to serve as a living space for me with a door I could lock and everything. My Dad had begun to live/sleep in our basement since about 2014, which made the arrangement a perfect one since everyone (me in the living room, my mom in her room/the computer room, and my father in the basement) all finally had our own corners to retreat to. It all sounds rather frighteningly awful and, I suppose in a lot of ways, it kinda was. Being constantly exposed for all those many years in an open space and never knowing a single moment of privacy Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>7047 (You)

(Continued from my last post. The word limit on this site is rather restrictive to be honest)

>>7045

>Even if I got a job (unlike you, I have never had one), it would never be enough, since continuing my education would be intolerable and jobs that pay well are not things that I would be able to do for more than a day or two before running back home.

I wouldn't even be able to do that. I'd sooner fling myself off the nearest bridge and drown (I don't know how to swim). Just because I had a part time job for two to three weeks 12 years ago, doesn't make me all that capable. If anything it only strengthens my conviction to never be in a position where I'd have return to that kind of shit. I'd say I got off pretty easy, though, given how brief my stint was with employment in general. Many have had to endure far worse in the working world after all.

>A small apartment is all I need.

I think I'd hate an apartment because what if you're living next to some annoying asshole who ends up tormenting you in some way. Think how Satou was forced to listen to that "Purin Purin" shit over & over again because the walls were so thin. I'd be way too cowardly & timid to make a fuss over it like he did, which means I'd just be at the mercy of whatever asshole happened to be next door. On the reverse, I'd be too scared to play anything loud because what if someone complains to the management and they come kicking down my door. Too much potential anxiety for me. Besides, I've already had to grapple with shit like that for most of my life already.

>>7047

>My mother has been unemployed for going on almost 3 decades

That's actually not true and is rather unfair to her actually. Not sure why I said that. She's had many jobs throughout the years. Just none she could make a full career out of. She's worked as a seamstress, a customer service representative at Sears, and, lastly, with an insurance company as a signing agent, which was about 10 years ago now.

I'm always saddened by the fact that my mother is actually a very talented woman and once had a well paying job in medicine that she gave up when she met my father. There was even opportunities for her to become a school teacher of some kind way back when, but she never pursued them. The extra money certainly would've been nice, but, in many ways, she's a NEET hermit like me, so I can't blame her for dropping out of everything. Besides, she's largely the reason things are basically as comfy around here as they are, what with being my main confidant/shield to the outside world. I'd never have gotten my NEETbux if it weren't for her diligently filling out all the forms and making sure I got what I needed, for instance.

Delivery for food and snacks and everything else and pay someone to take out garbage for you. For me, my maids do it usually.

Getting fresh meats and produce is kind of hard, but I have been useing shipt to get delivery from the grocery store.

Amazon definitely. It's really easy for myself, most of the things I want to do I can do form the computer, so it's not too much of a struggle.

Is it just going outside or is it more needing strategies to avoid having to get stuff in person?

>>3753

When I was in college a lot of women would mention that they were on the social work track because it was pay for by a grant, so they would get mostly a free ride. I never got the sense that any of them were naturals at it. They tended to be normies or the preachy types that liked to look like they were giving back.

>>6932

Hence why many therapists these days tend to be little more than apathetic, pill pushing snakes. They aren't in the field because of some altruistic compulsion to help people (as it should be), they're in it for an easy career.

Female hikkis are kinda rare. I don't remember the figure in Tamaki Saitō's book or if he gave an exact one, but I'm 90% sure he mentioned that it's usually men. There are some women, ones that aren't just staying single so they can live at home, who are hikikomori, it comes up in some documentaries. I wonder what the reason is especially given that girls are more vicious with emotional bullying, it seems like that would be an easy trigger

What a joke of subreddit women can't be hikki

>>6966

>subreddit

The hikikomori reddit page is cancer don't go there anon.

>Women can't be hikki

Not completely true they do exist but they just are extremely rare and if a female happens to be Neet/Hikki she isn't gonna be one for very long because women have it better than men.

>>1749

I can definitely relate to your position, Im open to helping the anon youre talking about, Im into C# so if that anon wants some help Im free.

>>1744

I concur.

You could even set up a package mailbox so people could drop off their computers without social interaction being necessary.

Just justify it with being very busy.

>>1750

>I can definitely relate to your position

I think everyone on here can relate to one another in the sense that were all hikikomori this board has only been around for 3 months and i do the best i can to keep it a small comfy board for true hikkis.

>>1750

I've been thinking about doing computing programming to support being hikki, too. What would you suggest? How do you have things set up, what sort of sites do you use to got work, and what sort of work would you recommend for hikkis?

>>6896

Yeah, I'm still alive. My mental state is looking a little better. I found a therapist who I sort of connect with. Out of everyone I've seen so far, he's been the best. But even he doesn't really get me completely and my symptoms are strange to him.

I finally regained some of my ability to read and write. I can more or less understand the plot of a novel if I re-read it a couple of times. So I have that going for me.

>>6903

>I lurked for a while before actually ever commenting. I think it's part of the hikki mindset.

I'll see a post, consider replying to it, then put it off for a week before actually saying anything. I did this in real life too.

>>6896

i'm still alive. holidays weren't great. my mother kept pushing me to go to various things and i kept saying no. it feels really bad constantly telling someone no. i try my best to keep my situation under wraps with my parents, but i was forced to tell her that i cant go out because i'd have an anxiety attack. i managed to only have to attend 1 family event for two hours.

my big problem this year is that i lose my insurance soon. i have multiple health issues that i've been procrastinating getting fixed. i cant see past 10 feet, two of my fingers have been asleep for a month, and i haven't been to a dentist in a long time. i really dont want to go to the doctor but if i dont soon i won't be able to ever again for free.

>>6896

I fell for the noodles that many hikkis were chilling for in other threads.

Usually I either eat egs, chips or peas depending on the day and my mood.

I tried the meat flavored local brand. I expect to be too chemical but I liked it.

One other meal to recycle with the others.

Holidays for me definitely aren't fun, but they're not too bad either. The silver lining of having a narcissist dad is that you are never expected to speak. My brother got married, so it was the first Thanksgiving and Christmas we had with two families together. The larger number of people made it impossible to have intimate conversations, which I appreciated. It took attention away from me too. One young man in the other family seemed to be in a constant state of dissociation; it made me curious about what was wrong with him.

I got Super Mario Odyssey for Christmas. I greatly enjoy the Balloon World game.

It is difficult to keep myself from repeating the problematic thought patterns. I try to keep myself distracted to ward off the effects they have on me but the core issue is still there, only subdued. I've tried, arduously to get rid of these parts of my psyche and I do not see them going away upon sheer willpower alone. Whenever I drink they're less apparent but if I were to use that as a means of change in my life, I'd become an alcoholic. I know Marjiuana helps but in that case I'd have to fork over so much cash that I simply do not posses. There's no chemical solution to something like this as a Hikki in most cases, which is one of the main differences between us and normies. Normies drown out habits/problems like this through substances we lack the means to acquire.

So it all comes down to you. I've always thought that if you repeat to yourself an ideal of who you want to be, when visualizing it enough you become that ideal. Such is not ALWAYS the case for becoming a normie when you're a Hikki but it does work on smaller things with enough concerted effort. If you want to for example stop thinking about a memory you have that was embarrassing the way to go about this would to be first, reconcile the existence of that memory by speaking about it to someone else (even in text this is helpful though I'd recommend verbalizing it to yourself whilst/after writing it). Through anonymity you'll be able to get this off your chest with virtually no repercussions. The second step in this equation is more tricky. It's learning the ability to appreciate what is happening now vs. then. It's unlikely that the mistake will be made again. The way I internalize this is by telling myself "I accept whatever has happened because in the end it made who I am now and I'm proud of that". That seems like a massive undertaking ideologically for many a' self loathing hikki but hear me out here.

If you can find pride in something about yourself, anything even if that pride is facilitated by putting down others you're on a decent track to some form of confidence. From here one must continually repeat those positive attributes to oneself until you BELIEVE that you're good in some way. And trust me when I say this, believing it sincerely in your heart is extremely important. If you can make a positive image of yourself then it will be ePost too long. Click here to view the full text.

I've found that the music I listen to affects my thought patterns. I've stopped listening to music with certain themes, and it's helped across time.

>>6702

Make a list of the things you don't like, and the things you like. Do a small amount each day to reduce the former and increase the latter. Sticking to it's the hard part, but you'll get something done, at least, however small, and that'll add up over time.

Example, I ate too much takeaways, and they were expensive. I bought a freezer - because I'm sure you can relate, shops aren't really open in the early AM, so whenever my sleep pattern coincides with the outside world, I stock up - and made batches of curries instead. The next step for me, is learning to make bread.

>>6713

>Often when I'm overthinking I check what I have thought about 12 years ago or so. Back then, I was far more neutral down-to-earth guy, now it's like loosing oneself like a crazy conspiracy theorist in stupid conclusions.

I'm like this, and my elder brother was this x100 until he finally lost it. It just means you have a conscience, and you want the ideal consequences for your actions.

CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy)

Basically you confront your rationalizations for why you're acting or thinking as you are which you don't like. Then considering why you were rationalizing it in the first place.

For example, I used to think my sleep schedule was set by my poor attention to time management and lack of interest in being awake during the day. I tried (while I wouldn't recommend it) sleeping pills to force the behavior change. I discovered that the real reason was not my rationalizations that I had come up with. When I slept at night I would need to have access to the common areas of my house at the same time as my co-habitants and that would cause conflicts that changing sleeping times avoided and actually was facilitating a less disharmonious relations: if I ate when people were settling into bed, showered when people were asleep and woke up when everyone else was at work.

Steps

1. Try to write down why you think you do the things you don't like. It doesn't have to elaborate just enough that it helps you become conscious of what you think might be causing the behaviors or thoughts.

2. Now that you think you know why you're doing what you don't like, consciously try anything different. It doesn't have to work. Basically you are testing weather you rationalization is correct.

3. If you were right about the rationalization, then great your done. Else, return to step 1 and repeat the process adding what you learned form the last time you did step 2.

Some times this can be done by talking to a professional, but writing it down can work just as well. If you have gnu emcas you can use the doctor program; it's the same idea.

At least for me writing stuff down, even if I never look at it again, gets it out of my head. It's like a reverb on a wire travailing around and around in my head. I'll stop my self suddenly and be right back were I was when upset or having a confrontation and it was all real again. It just keeps travailing around and around. Writing down seems to release it. The added bonus is that if I even want to infect my self again, I know here to find whPost too long. Click here to view the full text.