/hikki/ - Hikikomori

>>5367

>hanging yourself seems really painful and troublesome. i was thinking about ODing on sleeping pills and going swimming into the sea.

That seems even harder than hanging yourself. There are so many more things that could go wrong or places you can pussy out. Pretty much all ways to kill yourself are either painful or difficult some both which is why i and i'm sure many other hikikomoris haven't killed themselves

>>5417

Same here nothing seems as interesting as it used to be

Finding new hobbies doesn't work anymore because basically I'm getting bored of everything 0

I think that I will master up the courage to off myself very soon if I didn't find peace again

>>5417

Yup, and even if you do break free of the cycle, we're so far behind our peers that catching up to them is a dream at best

>>2611

13 months hikikomori here.

For the first time i felt like this situation isn't normal anyway

i met this board 5 months ago but just now i intend to be active here because I realized that my situation is really really bad!

I use Braces so a MUST to go to the dentist for just 10 minutes per month

For just 10 minutes i'm not hikikomori and these minutes are the worst moments that a live. I really don't like it.

whilst i go to the dentist i feel like i have the chance to change everything until i come to house again. This unique moment is the only one chance i have and i always fail at this.

>>5432

Chistcucks and Boomers are just as bad as Jews.

Has anyone here found a solution?

I have no social anxiety, I became a hiki because I dropped out of college and I didn't want to become a wageslave, and since being a NEET is not socialy acceptable, I just locked myself in my room. My parents seem to hate me and are always on the verge of kicking me out if I don't get a job, I wonder if anyone has found a way to survive without having to spend 10+ hours a dat working and commuting with pretty much no free time and no energy to use that little free time.

I wish we could find a way to make money that wouldn't require us to give up our freedom, if you know a solution, or have an out of the box idea, please share it with me.

>>5624

The closest thing to that I've heard of work is to become a (good) freelance programmer and move to a second/third world country. They can work 20 hours a month and live like kings from being paid western wages.

Alternatively, have enough money and luck to win on the options market. 100k can be enough. Stock market can work too, but you need a lot more cash starting out for it to work.

>>5625

>>5628

Stop daydreaming, the only way to solve the "money problem" is to keep living off our parents money. Going to a shrink may help with making them stop pushing you to look for a job, because they will say to themselves "well at least he's getting help, let's wait and see".

I really don't even know what to say or how to feel at this point. I've tried. I keep trying. But this dumb self sabotaging brain, this awful luck i have, and this awful society we live in make it impossible to make any headway. For a moment I thought i had a way to make money that would work for me, but just as soon as had it going it fell apart. Then i was broke again. I finally said fuck it yesterday and applied to some wagecucking jobs but i highly doubt anyone will even get back to me. Even if they did my bicycle is totally out of commission. Basically i have to replace the entire rear wheel. I can't even borrow another bike from my uncle because of of his are in worse condition. Today i spent about 2 hours trying to make one of them usable. Finally thought i had this one good to go but i got about a mile and the tire was totally flat. I was trying to get to the plasma donation center so i could get some money that way. Ended up having to walk the bike home. I have no money, no transportation, and now apparently my shitty prepaid cellphone is out of "service days" even though i have tons of minutes and whatever on it. What is even the point of this shit? The one good thing that i managed to accomplish is finding a /pol/lgbt/ bf but he lives 2 hours away and i rarely get to see him. Even then i feel like a massive loser because he has to pay for everything. Even worse i have to buy any booze we drink because he isn't 21 yet. It's so humiliating and all i do is make him worry that i'm going to hurt myself again like i did last month and spent 2 weeks in the mental hospital. The one good thing in my life and i'm nothing but a burden to him.

My defense and self preservation mechanisms are even starting to break down. I could actually bullshit my way through any job interview or whatever a year ago. But now i just don't care. At best i'm dismissive when someone tries to speak to me. I can't hold a real conversation anymore. I'm getting worse, not better. Maybe soon i'll be enough of a mess to qualify for NEETbucks but that's so humiliating honestly. It kills me inside to even think about. I can justify it to myself but my family still thinks i'm just being lazy and am about to enroll in college or some shit. Fuck, I can barely maintain a casual vidya presence anymore. I can't even be bothered to play my shooters let alone any MMORPG. I got out of the hospital a month ago and haven't done any of the shit i was supposed to because the days just slip through my fingers like water and i don't even notice most of the time.

wow it took me 6 times to solve the captcha i am totally useless

>>5681

It won't last forever though. If they get a serious illness or too old to work you're screwed.

I've been hikki for a few years but now im just a neet. The first step if you can manage it is to get support, from parents or the Govt. Then there is the often mentioned programming, etsy crafts, niche online resale (you could drop off packages at a dropbox in the middle of the night.)

Often what gets us down is depression. We lose joy in our hobbies (vidya counts) and then we stop, which makes things worse. The trick is to get just a little bit of momentum and then work with it, make it stronger. Do it on your terms. Depression is hard. Be selfish. Not to where you hurt others needlessly, but its okay to take from the world what you need to survive. Finally, even if you dont believe it initially. every day, when you wake up and before you go to bed, think of two things you are grateful for. It wont fix things on its own, but if you've got a roof over your head and clean water, you might be grateful for those. Antinatalists can at least be grateful for things that lessen suffering, computers, 8chan.

Get momentum as fast as you can keep it going. Be healthily selfish, without hurting people needlessly. and work on gratefulness.

You dont have to agree with me, you dont have to try it. but I'm in a better place because these things worked for me. They might help you some.

>>5868

The biggest problem I've had is keeping the income going consistently. These things help keep my life in order so that I dont mess up the employment, education, training, or self improvement by getting off track. (wasnt sure if my post seemed relevant enough)

>>5856

Of course, but I'm not working until it happens. And even then, I'll probably look for alternatives.

When my parents die, it will be at least 20 years from now, at that point I don't even know what kind of a rotten man I would be at that point, so it's pointless to worry about that now. I will probably be so fucked up that I could get neetbux or have enough reasons to kill myself.

Been trying to go out 1 hour every day but I just end up sitting in a bench or wandering around, what can someone with no connections and no money even do outside?

>>5992

>I can go outside just fine now but choose not to

Same.

>>5983

>what can someone with no connections and no money even do outside?

Exactly, there just is no point.

I don't want to work, I don't want friends, I don't have anything to buy. Going outside just means walking around for a while.

>>5417

Never before has a post resonated with me so strongly. It's so concise, too; you've distilled my entire struggle into four short sentences.

I wish you luck, wherever you are, anon.

>>5983

>>5995

Go to a bar or something sit down have a drink eventually you will start a convo with someone.

It just happened.

Don't get too drunk though or you will want to put even less.

>>6615

I'm not either of them but >>5983 said something about not having money so I don't think going to a bar would be a good solution and even if he just sat there wouldn't the bar keep get upset

now this is coming from someone with no experience but isn't the best way to gain experienced in the social field while outside to sit in parks and wait approach them yourselves I've never have done this myself but I've seen other people do it so I think it works

>>6616

At parks would seem like it would only work if you were a parent or something meeting other parents randomly talking to people would be weird but fuck knows.

>>6617

>randomly talking to people would be weird but fuck knows.

>

It's less weird if it comes from someone who dresses and acts like they have one of those super outgoing personalities, but the experience is still a bit jarring

>>6619

>someone who dresses and acts like they have one of those super outgoing personalities

how are you supposed to dress if you're outgoing I thought it was just personality that made the extrovert not the clothes

>>6620

Extroverts just don't wear bland things. They wear clothes that have personality and are stylish but not always on-trend, and when you look at them you just get the impression they're exciting and fun. They're not self-conscious with their clothing choices and you can see it in what they wear

Being hikki caused anhedonia which may be helpful in doing everyday things, it's as if I'm on autopilot and as a result do not worry about others' thoughts. Although, it's not completely this way, perhaps it's a step. Very very slow progress.

>>2618

It's a year late, but I was pretty isolated when I went to Syria for a year before the civil war.

Instead of Islamist/Daish-tier shit, I gladly 'only' had to deal with pro-Assad people who just hated my guts for being American. The international school (I was a middle schooler) I went to was divided between the native ruling class and foreign middle-class people like me, the former bullying the latter.

I guess the Sunni Arab majority still treated me like shit, but I was pretty isolated from them. Generally, even secular Middle-Eastern people are pretty crummy and judgmental. They're just not as bad as the full blown Jahoodis.

>>6857

Also to add, I've had two job interviews in the past 2 months.

One was a McDonalds one where they said they would call me, but didn't.

Another was at an restaurant for an assistant cook where I was basically told to stop looking for work in kitchens. It was insanely humiliating.

Let this be a warning to other hikkis. They can smell you.

>>6857

those short term goals sound to be in the right direction. it is much easier to face short term things, and the sense of accomplishment afterwards can boost you into bigger things, little by little, thinking of it as digging yourself out.

I have gone between hikki and not several times now.

the first was over a decade. I was so stuck in my head that I could see no way out of it. many small positive changes and decisions eventually led to my escape.

after less than a year out, I met a girl. she turned out to be crazy and ruined years of work on myself. I fought to improve myself again, found new work, but within months my health suddenly broke.

I kept myself working for some years, but my health has never recovered. when I stopped work, i went back to isolation. then escaped again for almost a year, but now back again with no prospects.

if my health hadn't failed, I think I could have permanently escaped with time. like this, I don't know.

it is like alcoholism, you have to constantly fight to stay away from it. constantly live, and avoid isolation, because isolation is our "safety", our drug.

>>5417

this post is deeply true.

video games and films stopped being fun years ago. though that is one thing that helped push me out. the distractions of entertainment weren't working.

>>6860

the only thing that I've found which keeps me away from it consistently, is foricing a routine and habits which force me to be social. I just mean be around people on a regular basis.

one could be work, but that isn't enough. living with flatmates helped a little. going to weekly meetings for hobbies and interests was most important, even when I didn't feel like it, it sort of 'reset' me every time, to talk with people, and to be out doing something.

if I listened to the other voice, saying "don't go, stay in", I would sink down further. in reality I soon realised that just for my own self esteem and sense of accomplishment, going to the meeting just as an action was very positive and important.

join a book reading club, or other quiet things to start with. well, work your way up to that.

the small actions really make a big difference is what I want to say.

i am paranoid about being kicked from this board because I have relapses of 3-6 months at a time and then I have no one to talk to. but I want to help those who haven't found their way out yet.

I wish I could move on from this current hikki life but I have no skills or talents that can make me money, so I'd be stuck doing some simple wageslave job, which sounds awful. I'm stuck leeching off the government with my autismbux. I tried learning programming once or twice but I'm just not intelligent enough for it. Sigh. I'm just going to end up being homeless one day and offing myself from a bridge or pull an hero with a cop's gun.

I'm trying not to fall into the motivation trap as I have many times before. Where you think ``Everything's gonna be different. I'll do this and this and oh this too!''; maybe you'll do some shit but most likely you'll just be planning it all. We all love to plan oh so much don't we? We can go on and on in detail of what were gonna do and how we'll execute our ideas, but barely anything will fall through. Or I should say all of it falls through a god damn black hole. This time though I think there's a difference in how I'm thinking, that being that I'm not having these grandeur idealizations. I'll never be a part of the functioning of normal society, at least not fully. And I can't really ever be social, but what I can do is slowly improve myself and that's exactly what I want to do. I look around my room and I have trash piled up everywhere, I'm obese and tired all the time, and my only real hobby is reading (which I've gotten back into at full force, which is great).

What I want to do is start building upon myself, slowly, piece by piece. I have incredibly poor hygiene, so that is what I first want to work on: keeping the apartment and my room clean, showering and brushing my teeth. If I can do this for a month, then next I want to change my diet. I've lost weight before on just diet alone, 50lbs in fact over a year, but I've gained it all back. Once I sustain that for a month, I'll be starting to do something which is very anti-hikki (at which time I will leave this place per the rules): going to the gym. I'm always going to be the sort of person that is closed up in my room, that's just how I am, but I do intend to go to the gym in months time if I stick with any of this. I make no retarded promises of self-motivation, just matter-of-factly recognizing what I want to do, and how I can realistically approach it.

Society is fucked and has no redeeming qualities. Only individuals are worth anything. I don't plan to work (I'm on SSI) or re-integrate but I refuse to rot in my room not doing what I want. I have the chance and opportunity to do nearly whatever I want and I'll do just that. Hikki's, I don't think this is where we end. I think this can be another step to something else, maybe greater, or maybe just different. I think we can never really go back, unless by pure faking it, but we can do something different.

>>2637

If you need diet and exercise help to overcome yournpain issues, i can help anon

>>6983

Right now I'm just doing research on dieting and such. Last time I lost 50lbs in a year doing simple portion control, so I should be able to do it again this time doing portion control and actually healthy food but I'm not sure what I'm looking at. Any good resources for information on diets and such?

>>6985

Ray Peat. His stuff is hard to read because it's scientific. He advocates a higher metabolism, which would help you adapt faster to normal life.

>>6984

>now I forgot most of everything I learned to go apply for a job.

I know this feeling, I did a cert class to try and make up for years of no job, but forgot everything within a month or two of getting the cert

>>2649

>>3141

>>3305

These are my posts from about a year and a half to two years ago.

I still think about you guys even if I stopped posting since I am no longer a hikki having joined the work force.

I believe I have successfully reintegrated society.

Let me know if you guys want to talk about something.

BO, if you are still here and in charge, I remember your housing situation from 2 years ago being pretty bad. I hope it got better.

Later!

>>7554

>I believe I have successfully reintegrated society.

>Let me know if you guys want to talk about something.

What motivated you to reintegrate? How did you do it? What did you do to learn normal social skills? Did you have any leftover resentment against society and how did you deal with it?

Sorry for the late replies guys.

>>7587

I am not the one who started working at walmart, no. I quite enjoy walks out at night, personally.

>>7619

>What motivated you to reintegrate?

For me it was the fact that I know that the lifestyle wasn't sustainable for me. I can and still do live with my parents, and if I didn't work I would have all my expenses covered, but for how long? I figured the sooner I started reintergrating, the easier it would be.

>How did you do it?

Signed up for school and went. Got an internship after my formation and work for the government now.

>What did you do to learn normal social skills?

Experience, I guess. Most of it was learned through exposure. Maintaining a conversation is as simple as asking questions. Ask a question they can't answer with yes or no, you get them going for a good 30 seconds. Majority of people just like hearing themselves talk.

Something else that came as an epiphany to me that you may know already but really helped for me was that being a social human being is all about surface level appearances and facades. Asking how people are doing, pretending to care about what they do on the weekend, etc. Pretending to care makes people like you, pretending that you are always 100% happy makes people like you. Always smiling makes people like you.

And that people are extremely conflict adverse and dislike negativity. I don't know why, but you disliking something, even given valid reasons will often make people have a poorer opinion of you.

So simply, I avoid conflict unless necessary, and apply the "if you have nothing good to say, say nothing" rule.

I really dislike that this is how life works, but it is what it is. What I'm about to say next will probably sound sociopathic or something, and it might be, but the way I operate these days is that, if I'm interacting with someone, especially in a professional setting, I will lie and pretend that everything is fantastic. Nothing too outrageous, but usually if I'm asked whether I like or enjoyed something, almost all the time the answer will be yes regardless of what I actually think. Why do I do this? It's not because I care about what these people think about me on a personal level, but I understand that if they like me they will be more likely to do things that benefit me. Sometimes you will encounter people where you don't need to put up this facade. These are the people you want as friends.

> Did you have any leftover resentment against society and how did you deal with it?

Yes and no.Going through it, I will say I do think it has made develop a vastly different outlook on life/society than others around me. I do not chase material pursuits much, definitely not as much as other early 20s people. This has led to me having put aside a pretty decent chunk of cash in my bank account that goes unused. I don't chase girls at all either. I suppose there is an aspect of resentment involved, yes. I understand that on the one hand I put myself in this position, but on the other, I had 0 help to pull myself out of it, and almost no one frankly speaking is understanding or even wants to acknowledge that this is a big problem for a sizable bulk of the population. At best, people are unaware, at worst, they hate you for being a "leech" even though I can't speak for you guys but the reason I got to be a hikki in the first place was basically because I dropped out of school because of bullying and it just got worse from there.

In the end, this has left me with a fuck everyone else besides family and close friends outlook. I take what I can earn from society, but when it's time to give back, I only do so to those I believe 100% deserve it.

How did I deal with it? I guess I haven't, lol. I just make sure it never slips through my words/behavior.

Let me know if there's anything else I can help with.

>>6981

whats the reason you are on SSI?

>>2611

move on and be strong. I chose to stay at home and not have a job ever in the "outside world" and I go outside to do things like running or reading a couple pages. It doesn't mean being in a bad spot in life rather it's what you chose and in no definition digging ones own grave. There's no failure unless you leech of your parents like the guy in the anime.