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/hikki/ - Hikikomori

The modern hermit

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A WARNING TO ALL NEW USERS IF YOU ARE NOT A HIKIKOMORI I WILL BAN YOU!! People who are going to work or school are not Hikikomori There are many people on here who can not leave their home Please choose your topic with consideration IF YOU HAVEN'T BEEN AT HOME INSIDE YOUR ROOM FOR AT LEAST 6 MONTHS OR MORE THEN DON'T POST HERE!

File: 84b705aa90009b7⋯.jpg (238.22 KB,1421x1067,1421:1067,wallhaven-262088.jpg)

f54b7b No.4347 [View All]

Are you content with being alone? Do you have any online (friends/)contacts which you occasionally talk to? If not, is it a conscious choice or is it more like you're unable to find someone? What are you all doing against loneliness? It gets tiring when you've nobody to talk to for long periods (1 year or more). The things you do are just repeated that you've did already at a previous point in your life ad infinitum, i.e it's a hopeless cycle without escape. That brings me to my next point, have you considered killing yourself because of that, to escape this damned cycle? I just wish my life wouldn't be boring, anime, movies and other things get old very fast because you've seen the best already and at a later point even "hidden gems" my seem boring due to you knowing of a similar scenario already. Even if I had the perfect live, I probably still would feel dissatisfied… There's just no fun in the world like in fiction.

17 posts and 7 image replies omitted. Click [Open thread] to view. ____________________________
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05c4b3 No.4382

>>4380

> although I'll likely never release a single one of them.

I think you should anon it would be a decent way to make a little bit of money.

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225e59 No.4384

>>4347

>Are you content with being alone?

Unfortunately, no. I've tried my best to dull the desire for closeness but I've been unable to fully kill it off. Most days it hardly bothers me like it used to but there are the rare few where it completely eats me up… but then I remember that I'm not the mostly mentally healthy person and whatever friendship/relationship I could miraculously enter into would only be ruined by my constant depressive state and inability to really open myself up or connect with anyone.

>Do you have any online (friends/)contacts which you occasionally talk to? If not, is it a conscious choice or is it more like you're unable to find someone?

I have no friends at all. Offline or online. I used to have a few I guess but I ended up cutting ties for several reasons. Nowadays though I do my best to avoid forming any kind of connection with people as I feel I'd only affect them negatively, and ultimately, I prefer to be alone. Or, more accurately, I only prefer to engage with others when I'm in the mood for it… which is quite rare.

>What are you all doing against loneliness?

Nothing special really. Just brain-dead activities to help stray away from thinking too much about my life. I'd love to kill myself but I don't think I have it in me right now and plus I care about my family and their well-being, so I stay for them too.

>have you considered killing yourself because of that, to escape this damned cycle?

Yes, but not just because I am alone, though that does play a big factor. I've had an objectively shitty life. I was bulled in school, I've always been poor, I came from an abusive household, and now I'm a mentally ill shut-in with absolutely no motivations or desire to be a part of this world. I just want to die. I don't get enjoyment out of anything and the little I do is just not worth it at all.

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61b702 No.4387

>>4384

>inability to really open myself up or connect with anyone.

I have trouble with this too. Aside from not really trusting anyone, I also haven't been able to find anyone I really connect with for a long time.

>I have no friends at all. Offline or online.

You have us, anon. You're always welcome here.

>Nowadays though I do my best to avoid forming any kind of connection with people as I feel I'd only affect them negatively

I know how that feels. I often tend to avoid the people I care about most because I don't want to have a negative impact on their lives.

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d69e84 No.4388

File: c80e89eb8727710⋯.jpg (482.34 KB,2160x1669,2160:1669,wallhaven-453365.jpg)

OP here again, I'll just leave my email here: Neetposter@tuta.io (No obligations for you if you decide to contact me.) I'll try my best to make a comfy friendship.

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8a55d8 No.4389

File: 448c8842430ceeb⋯.jpg (23.99 KB,477x425,477:425,1505f7709fb0b1ea1a82010c5e….jpg)

>>4388

We can't face reality anon, we would rather live in an

imaginary story that we can control; because we can't

trust the other animals to treat us decently.

elder<3

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5ef5f6 No.4390

>>4388

> I'll just leave my email here:

Thanks anon.

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5ef5f6 No.4391

>>4389

>We can't face reality anon, we would rather live in an

>imaginary story that we can control; because we can't

>trust the other animals to treat us decently.

This is so true.

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8a55d8 No.4400

>>4391

My Kindergarten teacher taught me basic boxing skills,

because of the fights in the sandbox, the other animals

won't play nice. Today I have 2 blackbelts, self defense

is a life long issue, it never ends. Do you know that all

of the school shootings are White kids? That have been

bullied and marginalized, abused, and tortured until

they snap and beat the shit out of or kill their abusers.

It isn't a mental health issue for those that fought back,

they deserve a metal for bravery and service beyond the

call of duty. The dead people needed mental health treatment,

but no one was paying attention to the right side of the issue.

Professional assassination… is the highest form of public service.

~Chiun

Master of Sinanju / Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins (1985)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sinanju_(martial_art)

elder<3

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05c4b3 No.4402

File: 9d8a7bf592e51f1⋯.jpg (23.65 KB,400x400,1:1,WmkQbT9M_400x400.jpg)

>>4400

>My Kindergarten teacher taught me basic boxing skills,

>because of the fights in the sandbox,

Did she really Elder hikki?? shit i wish i had a teacher like that back then.

>Do you know that all of the school shootings are White kids? That have been bullied and marginalized, abused, and tortured.

>They deserve a medal for bravery and service beyond the call of duty.

Do you follow robot ideology man??.

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8a55d8 No.4404

>>4402

>Do you follow robot ideology man??.

What is it I'm not up on it.

She was a good teacher that was 1960.

Here is the wiki for School shootings in the United States.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/School_shootings_in_the_United_States#2010

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5ef5f6 No.4405

File: e69105f320141ad⋯.jpg (4.31 KB,300x168,25:14,sato2.jpg)

>>4404

>She was a good teacher that was 1960.

Yeah i don't think teachers are like that now at all tbh.

>What is it I'm not up on it.

/r9k/ is a board for male virgins a lot of the users on there have that same way of thinking also thanks for the link.

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8a55d8 No.4411

>>4405

I don't hurt anyone on purpose, but self defense is necessary sometimes. I don't fight with anyone, I'm nonviolent. I'm a Neodaoist a be-ist, I just be, live and let live. Would you agree that humans are dangerous? Everything is fine until you get around a group of humans and then everything goes to hell. They get you involved in their drama and create problems where none existed before. If I stay by myself there are no problems.

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5ef5f6 No.4412

>>4411

>. Would you agree that humans are dangerous? Everything is fine until you get around a group of humans and then everything goes to hell.

I absolutely 100% agree with you.

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8a55d8 No.4413

>>4412

I've read just about everything on this board and 99% of the complaints are Drama based; that is "other peoples drama" is the source of great anxiety for the majority of the people here. So called normal people are dysfunctional and very confused about what reality actually is. And they are constantly projecting their fears and inadequacies onto others in the form of pressure to do something or become something. Have a purpose, and find meaning in this Lunatic Asylum that society has created. And they do this at us even though they can't do it for themselves. These ideas they have are concepts and concepts are imaginary. So their projections are fairytales, they want us to join the fairytale story, so we can be just as sick as they are. They are only happy when everyone is suffering. This is why I hide from the world, it can't be fixed, and you can't help people. Humans can't sit still for 5 minutes, they just end up fighting and killing each other. I'll never have any peace and quiet that way. I'm very happy being alone, I'm happy enough knowing that this is the only way to freedom, liberation from the dream is the only enlightenment you could say. Being completely self sufficient and independent as much as you possibly can. You go out into the world and you can't go 10 feet without bumping into a trouble maker.

elder<3

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92b980 No.4483

>Are you content with being alone?

8/10

>Do you have any online (friends/)contacts which you occasionally talk to? If not, is it a conscious choice or is it more like you're unable to find someone?

i have my waifu and discord/imageboard anons.

infj male with autism

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61b702 No.4486

File: 1a234f2d324ca81⋯.png (240.01 KB,719x695,719:695,1a234f2d324ca8195c745b51ec….png)

>>4413

>This is why I hide from the world, it can't be fixed, and you can't help people

That is very true, elder hikki. I have tried several times in the past to persuade people to let go of some of their more misguided beliefs or just teach people things in general, but people have a tendency to want to cling to the things that they wish were true. I don't try to convince anyone of anything these days, I just keep to myself and try to find joy and peace alone. It's certainly true what they say, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink."

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Post last edited at

6f7563 No.4487

File: 903aaae14af1b25⋯.jpg (47.48 KB,499x500,499:500,51nuvGjBWoL.jpg)

>>4486

Getting caught up in the story, the drama pulls you in, I sometimes forget that people can't understand where I'm at. I've done a lot of inner psychological work over the years and it seems so simple to me now. I've forgotten where I started and that's my fault, I'm sorry. Someday we will be able to do the Vulcan mind meld, and speaking won't be necessary. :^)

take care

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61902d No.4492

File: a0468a8c33ec160⋯.png (218.86 KB,500x281,500:281,ClipboardImage.png)

>>4486

I know what you mean all too well

I've always been trying to rid people of their dirty believes and replace them by right one instead but that was back then when I was still believing in their ideologies and systems I thought it would be better to help them see the light eventually though I realized that I was wrong and the truth that you've to take it with a grain of salt is that almost all of their ideologies are either worthless and pointless

So of course you can't go out now and tell people that all their believes are pointless they will throw shit at you in return therefore you will realize that the only option for you is staying inside try to waste as much time as you can on seeking forms of escapism over the years to the extent where you will stop getting no pleasure from them all and start thinking about suicide instead everyday

That's unfortunate that you only feel secure and peaceful when you think about suicide and leaving this world, That's fortunately or unfortunately (it doesn't matter anymore tbh) how I'm living everyday

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Post last edited at

6f7563 No.4493

>>4492

When you get past suicide, then maybe we can talk and have a meaningful conversation.

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61902d No.4494

>>4493

What is meaningful in your eyes ?

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6f7563 No.4498

>>4494

Good question. To live you need a source of income. To be happy a source of affection. To have meaning a source of satisfaction. These three things define your life, it's up to you to maintain your sources and direction.

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61b702 No.4500

File: 7b92cab07e4be1e⋯.jpg (51.28 KB,1440x1080,4:3,7b92cab07e4be1eb2fce66e706….jpg)

>>4487

>Someday we will be able to do the Vulcan mind meld, and speaking won't be necessary

That would be nice, just be careful who you meld with. If you tried it on a normal person, you may become less intelligent and more primal as a result.

>>4492

>the only option for you is staying inside try to waste as much time as you can on seeking forms of escapism over the years to the extent where you will stop getting no pleasure from them all and start thinking about suicide instead everyday

I know what you mean, it can be really difficult to make the escapism and fantasies last, which makes it hard to hold on to any form of hope. In spite of this, I still press on because I have to believe that things will get better somehow. We've all been dealt a pretty bad hand in life, but I think our continued efforts to push forward serve as a testament to our resilience. I urge you not to give up just yet, anon.

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5018fe No.4524

>>4500

>That would be nice, just be careful who you meld with. If you tried it on a normal person, you may become less intelligent and more primal as a result.

I'm an empath, empaths can perceive physical sensitivities and spiritual urges, as well as just knowing the motivations and intentions of other people. You either are an empath or you aren’t. It’s not a trait that is learned. You are always open, so to speak, and I've learned to distance myself from liars. Humans are liars.

If you have a dog, the animals consciousness is raised just being with you, not the other way around. Awareness moves up with added data, for ever increasing detail and higher definition. Every day contains exactly what we need to learn, but we don't always see it that way.

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969894 No.4612

File: e12c12392b4cf49⋯.jpg (2.01 MB,3200x3002,1600:1501,t3_7wzdsn.jpg)

>Are you content with being alone?

Yes and no, I can stand solitude much better than the average person but like you say it gets tiring. I began to realize I needed some kind of interaction, not just for company, also started noticing how my already mediocre conversation ability was deteriorating fast. I think I could live without ever having a relationship, but I doubt I could spend the rest of my days without having any contact at all.

>Do you have any online (friends/)contacts which you occasionally talk to? If not, is it a conscious choice or is it more like you're unable to find someone?

Had none until I started to chat with another hikki (found him through a similar thread in the now defunct hikkichan) last year. The years I spent previously without contact weren't a conscious choice. I guess I simply found it too hard to attempt, I can't relate with most people and when I try to I end up feeling like trash because of my lifestyle, I guess my monkey brain keeps reminding me of my standing in the monkey ladder and any interaction becomes painful even when I'm talking with apparently friendly/understanding people.

>What are you all doing against loneliness?

Chatting with aforementioned person and escapism of various sorts, although most media got stale for me. I've been trying read books and stuff longer than the average newspiece article, but I found years of internet reduced my attention span to goldfish levels and I force myself to read them in English so many English words and idioms go over my head, still, I'm making some progress and it keeps me entertained.

>have you considered killing yourself because of that, to escape this damned cycle?

I've considered it, but I live with my parents and I don't have many options at hand, apart from being afraid of the pain and facing the potential of crippling myself if I've not done it yet is because I can still picture getting out of here, somehow.

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346063 No.4613

>Are you content with being alone?

I don't think so. But the only thing worst than being alone is being with people.

>Do you have any online (friends/)contacts which you occasionally talk to?

I have a few mmorpg buddies that talk and play games with me. It's not the best, but I've had times without any online friends and it was far worst.

>What are you all doing against loneliness?

The above answers this.

>have you considered killing yourself

everyday. it's an unhealthy obsession. i want the suffering to end but I don't have the courage to pull the trigger.

> just wish my life wouldn't be boring, anime, movies and other things get old very fast because you've seen the best already and at a later point

I've found mixing up the entertainment i consume helps mitigate this. Diversify your entertainment choices. there is a ton of great western tv I'm sure most anime watchers havn't seen, and there is a ton of great anime most western tv watchers haven't seen.

> I probably still would feel dissatisfied… There's just no fun in the world like in fiction.

i recommend a mirror. Does wonders for destroying your ego.

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5ef5f6 No.4614

File: 15725f6fa9c9477⋯.jpg (52.21 KB,600x450,4:3,1502560171962.jpg)

>>4612

>I can stand solitude much better than the average person

Same here.

>I began to realize I needed some kind of interaction, not just for company, also started noticing how my already mediocre conversation ability was deteriorating fast.

Same here as well talking to someone online at least once or twice a day has helped me with this issue if i had 0 interactions with anybody at all i think i would have a mental breakdown tbh.

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40b51c No.4641

File: c7e3fc026ab5b32⋯.jpg (41.38 KB,807x422,807:422,charles-manson.jpg)

Does anyone here have conversations with themselves as if they're part of a group discussing something? I imagine other people there responding to my statements and then I respond to theirs.

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7573aa No.4642

>Are you content with being alone?

Mostly, yes. But I'll crave some interaction every now and then and for that I have an IRC server I'll connect to. An hour or so is all I need to satisfy the urge and I'll go back to wanting to be alone.

>Do you have any online (friends/)contacts which you occasionally talk to?

Just the IRC server I mentioned.

>What are you all doing against loneliness?

It mostly doesn't bother me, and when I do feel lonley it's okay that I feel like that.

>have you considered killing yourself

At one point I did, but then I realized the only reason I was considering it was because I had no meaningful goals in my life. A life without goals is already death. For now my goal is a rather simple one: Finish this book I've had for 3 years.

>There's just no fun in the world like in fiction.

Life isn't about fun.

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7573aa No.4643

>>4641

I do this a lot, unconsciously, and I'll catch myself doing it. Sometimes I consciously start it as well. I'll create whole "scenes" in my head and have dialogue going between characters and myself. Sometimes it's just me and another person where I'll say something, then the other says something to go against what I said. It's incredibly helpful when dealing with certain subjects, like philosophy or psychology.

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3fcae6 No.4644

>>4641

>>4643

This, it's like debating with yourself at times. Or useful when thinking of how a person would respond to something you're thinking about that then helps you rethink it at a different angle.

I usually use think of people I have met or consumed a lot of work from too. Like past acquiantances or "internet personalities".

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6af2fb No.4648

>>4641

Triggered from memories; sometimes we need to hear the arguments out loud again for clarity.

>>4642

>Life isn't about fun.

Dominance, says no fun allowed.

e

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61b702 No.4654

>>4642

>Life isn't about fun.

Perhaps, but these days most forms of purpose have lost their meaning in the world and life isn't about much of anything. So you may as well have a bit of fun when the opportunity presents itself.

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e8c0b1 No.5013

>Are you content with being alone?

No. I'm used to it, but I don't like it. Part of me has accepted it, but another part of me wants to change. I want to connect with people. In the past, when I had friends, I would look forward to waking up each morning, because I knew I had people to talk and do things with. I miss that so much. There's still things to look forward to, new ep of whatever anime coming out tomorrow, new game release tomorrow, etc. but none of that can compare with the feeling of knowing there are people who are waiting for me. People to talk with, play games with, watch videos with. I miss that.

>Do you have any online (friends/)contacts which you occasionally talk to?

I have one close friend who I talk to very often. He's the only person who I am able to comfortably have a conversation with. I said he was a close friend, but although I speak with him every day, I don't feel very close to him. There's no connection, we are just like this because it's what we're used to, we've been like this for 5 years. We include each other in almost everything we do.

>If not, is it a conscious choice or is it more like you're unable to find someone?

I do have one friend, but I'm going to answer this anyway, as I'm unable to find any other friends. I do often find people I'm interested in being friends with, I try talking to them, but it never works. I don't know how to make friends. Other people usually already have plenty of friends, they aren't looking for new ones.

>What are you all doing against loneliness?

Sometimes I message random people and get their opinions on things, or tell them stories about my day.

Sometimes I immerse myself in fiction, I'll binge watch an anime or kdrama. I like playing otome games.

Sometimes I interact with my mutuals on Twitter and Instagram. They share my interests.

>have you considered killing yourself because of that, to escape this damned cycle?

I've considered it, but I wouldn't go through with it. I still have things I want to do in this life, and I have a mother who I don't want to make sad.

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be1fac No.5067

>>5013

Hey, OP here. If you would like I'd talk with you, hopefully you're reading this. Please send me an email if you got interest or reply to my message. I think maybe we could be friends. I often feels sad and lonely. Maybe it will work out and you have a second friend or maybe you like talking with me!

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acca28 No.5069

>>4413

"All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone, " - French philosopher Blaise Pascal

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5ef5f6 No.5076

File: 59299336dae6a38⋯.jpg (22.23 KB,400x400,1:1,sato.JPG)

>>5069

>"All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone,

Very true.

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84e371 No.5090

>>4347

i like being alone

i have few online friends

i dont fight loneliness

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5ef5f6 No.5093

>>5090

>i like being alone

>I don't fight loneliness

How do you do it anon?? i envy you.

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fd11b2 No.5101

At this point in my life, I do not talk to anyone, however I used to. As it is expected, I lack the social skills to create and preserve any friendship, as meaningless and casual as it might be. Fortunately, there are some persons in this world that do not care about having a friend who cannot fulfill their social needs and can accept someone as me, but such friendships eventually ended for one reason or another. I am also hard to please as I prefer to interact with others who are also socially inept and share some of my weeb interests, and I don't know how to begin searching for someone else like that, chat rooms and image boards seem to only have very social people.

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fd11b2 No.5102

>>5101

My reasons for being suicidal are others. It is true that the extremely empty and repetitive lifestyle can be frustrating, but it is not enough reason to take my life.

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5ef5f6 No.5106

File: 20dfd03cacce809⋯.png (344.87 KB,727x720,727:720,tomoko drinking.png)

>>5101

>I prefer to interact with others who are also socially inept and share some of my weeb interests,

Same here it's better that way tbh because we can all relate to each other in someway.

>I don't know how to begin searching for someone else like that, chat rooms and image boards seem to only have very social people.

Boards dedicated to a certain group of people like social outcast such as us ether end up being completely dead or just have slow traffic this place is obviously not dead the traffic is just slow sometimes same with /ausneets/ /v9k/ /jp/ and so on sites like tohno chan are also slow sometimes but if you go on say 4/b/ you're right that most imageboard users are very social people.

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e830da No.5110

>>5102

my reason for beeing suicidal is because there is nothing left for me to do or achieve. What am I supposed to do the next 50 years if I am not interested in relationships nor careers?

>>5106

I preffered to be around socially inept people because they were usually kind and polite to me compared to people who were extroverted. They will also usually not judge you for autistic interests you might have because theirs are often also weird.

When I was around normals I could never talk about anything because I always thought they will think lowly of me when I reveal my loser hobbies and interests.

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61b702 No.5113

>>5101

>As it is expected, I lack the social skills to create and preserve any friendship, as meaningless and casual as it might be

Same here. I never know how to maintain friendships. I don't know when to call/text/email a person, or if I should bother at all because I always think to myself "If they really wanted to talk to me, they would probably just contact me themselves instead of waiting for me to contact them. Maybe they don't want to talk to me anymore."

>I prefer to interact with others who are also socially inept and share some of my weeb interests, and I don't know how to begin searching for someone else like that, chat rooms and image boards seem to only have very social people.

I dare say that you've come to the right place. As far as internet users go, I doubt it gets more anti-social than us. Most of us have few or no friends (I have none) and we avoid doing things like joining discords or posting pictures/personal information of ourselves. I can't say that I watch enough anime to qualify as a weeb, but I do enjoy anime and some other Japanese products.

>>5110

>I preffered to be around socially inept people because they were usually kind and polite to me compared to people who were extroverted. They will also usually not judge you for autistic interests you might have because theirs are often also weird.

That's basically how this place operates on a daily basis. We all try to be kind and understanding to one another because we're all hikikomoris and social outcasts, so the discussion is always pretty comfy because we're in a board of like-minded individuals.

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de4ee3 No.5116

File: 6815da2f3881bbc⋯.jpg (573.81 KB,648x800,81:100,Petit.Comet.full.378675.jpg)

OP here again. It seems there are many people who want a friend? Why not write me an email, I might be a bit more social online, but it's usually quite hard for me in RL…. and I'm a very kind and caring person!

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5ef5f6 No.5118

>>5113

>I never know how to maintain friendships. I don't know when to call/text/email a person, or if I should bother at all because I always think to myself "If they really wanted to talk to me, they would probably just contact me themselves instead of waiting for me to contact them. Maybe they don't want to talk to me anymore."

I can relate to this all too well and this is probably one of the reasons why i lost all of my irl friends a long time ago i don't care to make new friends to be honest.

>I dare say that you've come to the right place. As far as internet users go, I doubt it gets more anti-social than us. Most of us have few or no friends (I have none) and we avoid doing things like joining discords or posting pictures/personal information of ourselves.

This is true.

>That's basically how this place operates on a daily basis. We all try to be kind and understanding to one another because we're all hikikomoris and social outcasts, so the discussion is always pretty comfy because we're in a board of like-minded individuals.

You got it anon probably one of the most comfiest and friendliest boards ever on 8chan.

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985273 No.7301

File: 261bf37d31181b8⋯.png (518.58 KB,1159x468,1159:468,5345345657567.PNG)

>Are you content with being alone?

For the longest time, I used to be. I've been this way for almost 12 years now and, for about 7 of those years, I was largely at peace with my isolated existence and, in fact, never once got lonely. I essentially had no concept of the sensation whatsoever. Funny how, at least back then, I pretty much thought of myself as being immune to any kind of loneliness. "I could spend the rest of my life living on Mars, never speaking to or interacting with another person ever again, and be utterly unphased. Hell, I'd probably enjoy it! I'm beyond such needs or desires and hold loneliness, and those who are plagued by it, in contempt.", being one such common thought. Yeah well, so much for that. Guess I wasn't so special after all. Turns out, I'm just as susceptible to it as anyone else. A fact that I'm still greatly disappointed with myself over, frankly. I truly envy those who can maintain that similar kind of immunity to loneliness I seemed to momentarily possess, except extended through their whole lives. Then again, people like that might very well just be lying to themselves and are still suffering on the inside, whether they want to admit to it or not. Either way, I thought I was one of them once, but I guess I'm not. I'm not really sure what changed. Declining stimulation from video games and the general anhedonia that followed, was probably the turning point, I think. I wish I could just go back to feeling that way and have hoped I'll just wake up better one day, but since my discomfort in this regard has only seemed to deepen in these passing years, I doubt I ever will.

>Do you have any online (friends/)contacts which you occasionally talk to?

Nope. Never. I've also never entered any sort of chat rooms, or anything similar to them, because openly messaging people in real-time like in an exposed environment like that would be far too anxiety inducing. Overall, such places are way too social for me and, not to mention, I have nothing to say, anyway. Being honest, I'm also not really one for message boards or forums either. I only use them because I'm desperate and have a very tangential history with them in general and have no real "good" or "fun" times to speak of while using them. I've always felt like I'm on the outside looking in with all message boards, forums, or other such communities I've encountered, (this place being a bit of an exception). People seem to have such a fun time with them, or express a sense of belonging to them, that I've never, ever been able to relate to. I just feel like an old man out of touch with it all, aimlessly shuffling around a bunch of youngsters, looking for a place to just sit down and wonder what it is that I'm missing.

>If not, is it a conscious choice or is it more like you're unable to find someone?

It's just too much trouble and I'd rather avoid the hassle. It wouldn't solve anything, so, in the end, it's easier & safer to just do nothing.

>What are you all doing against loneliness?

Jamming the rusted, slime covered heroin needle of modern entertainment into my brain in a desperate bid to escape from myself. It's not nearly as fun or stimulating as it used to be, but what else am I supposed to do? Sitting idly causes me just as much ceaseless torment, if not moreso. I'm caught between a rock and a hard place. I also exercise & eat well, but, to my continual disappointment, it really hasn't helped me much either. My attention span and mental faculties are far too atrophied & withered for anything else, like reading for instance. Ultimately, I'm not really dealing with it at all. I'm simply enduring one profoundly discomfort ridden day to the next. Sleep is really all I look forward to. I just wish I could sleep more than I already do, which is a lot. When I'm asleep, sometimes I dream about love & friendship. The other night I dreamt about a beautiful dark haired girl who just rested her head against my shoulder, while we were both sitting next to each at a table, in the lantern lit backroom of some cozy Italian eatery. I just looked out the window from where she & I were sitting, feeling her soft hair against my neck, slowly beginning to fall asleep from within the dream, until eventually it all disappeared and I woke up in the crushing reality of my empty room. Such things are always over so fast. I wish I could've just stayed there for a little bit longer somehow, instead of waking up to all this. Dreams like that are so rare for me, but I do seem to be getting more of them these days. Only shame being that it just makes waking up that much more painful & depressing.

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985273 No.7302

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

>>7301

(cont)

>have you considered killing yourself because of that, to escape this damned cycle?

Boy, have I. Not a day goes by where I don't think of it at least once. I'm very deeply embedded in suicidal ideation and all my most common everyday fantasies are suicide related. I'm too cowardly too kill myself however, as much as I want to, so I'm left just impatiently waiting to somehow die unexpectedly for now. Definitively speaking, I don't want anything out of life. Not friends, not love, nor anything else. I might dream about such things, but I know better than to be foolish enough to wish for them to appear in some form in the aggressive, cesspit of the real world. It's all futile, rotten and of no value and I'd rather just fade back into non-existence.

>Even if I had the perfect live, I probably still would feel dissatisfied… There's just no fun in the world like in fiction.

Exactly. I'd much rather just be rid of it all for good. No matter the circumstance, the world is a deeply hollow & disappointing place that's simply not worth getting invested in. People are ugly, selfish letdowns that will always leave you unfulfilled and vice versa to them. Anything else always leads to dead ends & boredom. My dreams are my only consolation, but even that itself is worthless. Eventually even those dreams would become stale & unwelcoming. I suffer in the absence of poisonous things that aren't worth having, in a wretchedly dull world that isn't worth living on. And it's all quite a predicament, really.

>and at a later point even "hidden gems" my seem boring due to you knowing of a similar scenario already.

I wish I played more "hidden gems", since, in my case, I usually enjoy them. I finished Arx Fatalis for the first time a number of days ago and had a bit of fun with it, as an example. It's just so hard to find the motivation to sit down & play something. Feels like all I can do, or want to do, is lay on the couch napping, or staring at the wall.

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05bb33 No.7362

>>7301

>>7302

Your post made me tear up, it was very well written. It's probably because I can heavily relate to a lot of your thoughts.

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e587d8 No.7444

File: e4d2aea0b771f25⋯.png (1.38 MB,770x770,1:1,home.png)

honestly my loneliness is crippling me and every time i come to this board im thinking, if we al suffer from this, why arent we working together to solve it? it cant be that everyone on this board is unable to take lead, after all we already have one leadership personality on here, the BO, so surely there must be at least a few more that can organize something that helps us feel less alone. i mean this board surely helps, but its really only used when anyone of us has something of importance to say, so its quiet most of the time. i tried to join a discord from the reddit hikki board but it turned out it was all normal people who had experienced a brief "hikki-like" period in their life and nothing more, i was absolutely unable to relate to these people. cant we like, all play some game together, where the focus isnt on winning the game but just to share some time to not feel alone? we really just need a few active people to make that happen, its not like an image board that needs hundreds of posters to come alive. im thinking of things like minecraft or a private wow server guild but im sure theres many more options

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ba102e No.7445

>>4641

Yes I have this too. It's like I'm talking to what I construe is someone off the television or met before. I think it's the lacking of a cognitive distortion that people (the object that another consciousness represents) exists inside you and not inside the body that it came form. All you ever have of anyone is memories. Even when they are dead, what they were even in the moments after you became conscious of their speaking (or other sensory input) is only ever present inside you. Thinking that people live inside their bodies is not a concrete component; it's a leap to think that the consciousness is localized to the thing it's coming out of and not just a parsing process inside of you. Think like a Turing machine: Do you know it's alive because there is a consciousness inside of it or are you just falsely detecting the presence of a consciousness? The machine was never really conscious, you just were tricked and here is where the cognitive distortion lyes.

DSM5.PD.Cluster-A seems to not be exclusionary to 引きこもり、Etiology speaking this is mostly likely a co-morbidity of the 2 conditions. What I suspect is really going on is that your brain is too easily tripping so these sorts of realities are easer to perceive. Original symptomatology described would be indicated by Cluster-A.

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