I posted a bit in Deadman's thread, but I've fallen off the wagon repeatedly recently, so it'd probably be better for me to have my own thread. Don't feel like name/tripfagging, but I was the Canadian guy talking about playing fighting games and driving around to tournaments, if anyone cares to connect the dots for additional context.
Anyway, now that I'm finished with school for the next couple weeks, I have been struggling to complete even basic tasks, let alone preparing for another semester/year of school. I think there are a few factors for this, and I want to use this thread to help me track my motivations, thoughts, and potential solutions to unhealthy habits.
>relapsing
Partially due to the holiday season surrounding me with temptations (chocolates, carb-rich food, etc.), I have had much less motivation to stay clean. I have made some efforts in the past to deny myself sugar and unhealthy food, and I remember it being very healthy and positive for my life. Thus, when presented with the smorgasbord of holiday foods, my first impulse is to say "well, no-one could withstand this" and gorge myself.
Obviously this is not a good mentality to have, and it has weakened my resolve to stop looking at pornography and masturbating. I relapsed for several days in a row leading up to Christmas, and even though I didn't ejaculate yesterday, I wasted the entire day looking at porn.
About two months ago, I had an early morning dream which shed some light on my approach to this and left my head feeling heavy, but that's long enough to deserve its own post (if anyone wants to read it). For now, I think the best plan of action I can implement is to stop exposing myself to these chocolates. If I do see them, I will need to say, forcefully, "I don't need this" and walk away.
>work habits
I think my poor work habits are a reflection of my feelings of social isolation. As I expressed in Deadman's thread, I feel as though the only people around me are either bugmen, NPCs, or nonwhite subhumans. I feel very lethargic, as though every day I try to find a reason why I sPost too long. Click here to view the full text.
