So, you feel powerful, yet also feel like a fag from not fapping? seems like a contradiction to me, don't stress too much about it, you have suffered enough, remember that fapping is a choice, and you already decided you will be better off not fapping, so just disregard the activity, don't let it occupy your mind for a moment, if you start having sexual thoughts don't entertain them for too long, accept them as they are a natural thing, just don't let them control your actions, from all that shit you indulged in while young, it's there with you and you will have to accept it, also, you will have to forgive yourself as to not let it keep controlling your life and actions, only when you accept yourself as you are know, traumas and all, you can strive to be better, and you will be if you don't continue dwelling in your past actions, you didn't kill anyone, you didn't rape anyone, you went to pull the cow's leg, reprehensible yes, but it could be worse, and you can be a lot better, remember that, and remember there's no real reason for fapping, by fapping you are extracting the very manliness from you, leaving you weaker and unmotivated to pursue the things you really want in life, that and effectively making yourself dumber and incapable of concentrating.
I've been indulging myself, fapping everyday for the last week, wasting my time, I'm 28 years old, thanks for sharing your story, reminded me of my own goals I've nee choosing to neglect, see it like this, we don't wanna enter our thirties addicted to fapping, grown man addicted to rubbing their own cocks for dopamine like laboratory rats?, no man, we can be better off.