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Do You Want To Join A New Secret Club Help You Become Millionaire In Legal Way ?
Do You Want To Join A New Secret Club Help You Become Millionaire In Legal Way ?
Source, More Info: https://joyascension.blog spot.com/2024/01/do-you-want-to-join-new-secret-club.html
Most people only care about making money.
But the knowledge wisdom about money is too little.
I do have new unique information about money, about how to make big money that can help any of you become millionaire(s) in short time (few years).
I am thinking of open a new secret club like that for those who needed.
And that new millionaire secret club will like this:
- Focus on making money in legal way, how to become millionaire.
I will share guide tutorial to help you understand more about money, the brutal game of life, how to make money, how to become millionaire(s).
- The secret club will open for everyone who “lucky” enough (could via private invitation or some kind of initial wealth contribution/donation). All around the world in all languages are welcome.
- All members must be alone, not in any other clan/club/secret society.
The total number of member could be from hundreds to thousands.
- No orders, no contract but only oath agreement of keep the information using personal self, not allow to reveal to everyone under any circumstance.
- Will permanent close when all the current war chaos end (physical deadly gun rocket war end between major big nations).
That is the initial plan.
But I do not have any resources and experiment about this type of club/group.
Let me know if you can contribute anything or interested in.
Depend on the world result and my personal feeling/situation and your support/connection, I will decide about this potential project next week from January 8th to 11th 2024.
What do you think?
Best Regard,
The Savior Messiah Buddha
Source, More Info: https://joyascension.blog spot.com/2024/01/do-you-want-to-join-new-secret-club.html
Would You Join A New Secret Society Help Humans Live To At Least 200 Years And More ?
Would You Join A New Secret Society Help Humans Live To At Least 200 Years And More ?
Source, more info: https://joyascension.blog spot.com/
In the current world of full chaos, conflicts, if cannot solve through public policy then the only way left is through private route.
It is very easy for me to share, reveal the information to help humans live to at least 200 years old or even to thousand(s) in natural way of self control.
I could open a secret society like this:
- Focus on human ascension, evolution of both physical realm and spiritual realm.
- The secret society will open for everyone who “lucky” enough (could via private invitation or only beings who no longer interested in money, wealth and/or power).
- No orders, no contract but only oath agreement of keep the information using personal self, not allow to reveal to everyone.
- Will permanent close when all the current war chaos end (physical deadly war end between major big nations).
That is the initial plan.
But I do not have any resources and experiment about this type of club/group. Online or offline only or both ? Communication method ?
Let me know if you can contribute anything or interested in.
Depend on the world result and my personal feeling/situation and your support/connection, I will decide about this potential project next week from January 8th to 11th 2024.
What do you think?
Best Regard,
The Savior Messiah Buddha
Massive Big Discount For The Special Book, Course Of Human Evolution, Immortal Beings Till The End
I the real Savior have shared, released all the best possible solutions, strategies for the mass sleepy public humans from small scale (millions) to big scale (billion people).
I just do not think I can craft any better solutions than those.
If that not enough to “satisfy” and get accepted by the current mortal human group then the only reason must be their level are too low, not high enough to understand this current game of life.
If cannot help this civilization from big scale then I can only help from super small scale (several person to maybe hundred(s), thousands) via private book(s), course(s).
For that reason, I am going to offer a big discount for all of my books, courses.
The pricing model will be initial upfront + volunteer donation later based on your own personal situation.
For the special courses of human evolution guidance, how to become immortal beings, the initial upfront is minimum $20,000 USD/Euro per person.
While all the books are any number.
The deadline will be till the end (when I fully finally disappear).
I do not think most people can understand and recognize me.
Maybe only few to several beings entities will take this divine opportunity.
Let me know if you are interested in.
My contact info can be found at my personal blog website.
Best Regard,
The Savior Messiah Buddha
The Lord Of Lords
The King Of Kings
Source, more info: https://joyascension.blog spot.com/
My Obsession
Ever since I started reading about the Tamil Tigers. I've realized that all I ever wanted in life was to marry a Tamil village girl. I want this so badly I feel like I'm losing my mind. As I fall asleep each night, I imagine what it would be like to hold her in my arms and look into her eyes. To fight beside my Tigress in our common struggle for Eelam. This ones forever.
I lost the ability to be scared of things when I was 13.
See, when I was younger I used to always want to kill myself, and kill other people, because they were lazy…stupid. They'd spew double standards and act proud about it. Even people I was supposed to believe were good, like my parents. One minute they'd be saying something interesting and the next they'd be saying something obviously unfair, mishandling the simplest situations. I didn't care if it was in my favor or against, it all made my blood boil that they'd be so fucking smug about being stupid pieces of shit and abusing what little irrelevant power they had.
But of course I knew I owed them. My dad worked and my mom took care of us kids, they'd be sad if I killed myself and I couldn't kill them. So I told myself I must be insane and that when I was 18 I would move out and get a job so I could pay to see a psychiatrist myself.
It wasn't until 13 that I was able to put my full understanding into words, and my parents and everyone were under the illusion that I'd magically become a LE SOOPER GENIUS overnight. Didn't matter though, people will defend to the death their obvious double standards and use all the scorn and guilt they possessed to silence me if I challenged them. When I dug myself out from under a lifetime of heaped-on guilt, they had no ammo, and they just stuck to sulky sarcasm until I stopped objecting to whatever they were doing, and went back to thinking they were righteous the next day. Everyone I talked to was the same. By this time I had forced myself down from the verge of suicide or homicidal rampages several times, but my instincts were growing more intense and frequent. I woke up one day with a sex drive and realized I couldn't afford it, so I completely suppressed it for about three years through sheer force of will so I could focus on not killing myself or anyone else. I guess most people associate suicidal tendencies with depression and apathy. Not me. I've always acted outwardly mild and never needed any companionship, but I've been on fire for as long as I can remember, suppressing my emotions, trying to improve, reading, thinking, trying to figure everything out, you know, the patterns behind things. I fought back numbness like I'd fight back stupidity or hypocrisy. I felt everything; I never got desensitized. Didn't allow myself to. I merely endured and built up my psychological stamina. Somewhere along the way I realized the pointlessness of things like fear, pride, and dignity. The only spice they ever add to life is at the expense of the people around you. Got rid of them. Realism is better. It wasn't automatic. It wasn't easy. It still happened. Nothing can scare me anymore…not the unknown, either. The hormonal surge is still there, naturally, a response to anything off or dangerous, raised heartrate, changes in vision processing. But my consciousness isn't perturbed by it, it's just another tool. I can react instantly and decisively and I can think everything through in the moment. A lot of people would mistake that for sociopathy; they percieve sociopaths as strong and competent because they're lacking something, and they justify their own shitty behavior and frailty, saying it's just part of what makes them human. I have everything they have, yet I am not weak. They're just as predictable as any sociopath. They're lost in endless Cluster B disorders. They make me sick and fuel my urge to kill. Not that I'll ever be in any danger of heeding it again. I already won. I was 15 when I realized psychology as a field is useless, jaded, pretentious; both modern and classical. So I just did it myself. I fixed what I could on my own just by thinking things through, in the natural course of understanding more about my environment. The rest I just repressed, which everyone says is so unhealthy. I guess the healthy thing to do would be to bare my soul to people who make me sick so they could act confused about it in a support group or something. Or I guess the healthy thing to do would be to stick an axe in their skulls and not repress myself. Like I say, psychology is stupid.
So that's my answer: nothing. I have no fears, not even the fear of nothingness itself like in Le Existential Bear Mene. Do I hate the idea that I will certainly die and long desperately for a way out? Of course. Am I afraid of ceasing to exist? No. Just sad.
I know, I know, post longer than five words and dealing with something not related to epick lulz and not encapsulated in at least three levels of irony. Sorry.
>Genuine sentiment on my /b/? *tips fedora*
But half of you still get super upset about screamers and feel the need to warn other anons, so don't try and act "hard" or whatever.
Peristaltic pump
Since on this board we can only write what we experienced so Iam going to share with you guys a thing or two about peristaltic pumps. So I did not anything about peristaltic pumps and after careful research and consideration, I decided to take the plunge and invest in this cutting edge peristaltic pump https://www.spectrascientific.com/products/spectra-field-pro .The seamless navigation on the site made the purchasing process a breeze, and their comprehensive product information gave me confidence in my choice.
From dosing precision in the laboratory to fluid handling accuracy in various applications, this peristaltic pump promise to elevate my work to new heights. I am excited to witness its impact firsthand and explore its potential in optimizing fluid transfer process.
Where to buy high-quality glue for eyelash extensions?
I have been doing eyelash extensions for a long time and I have my own beauty salon. But recently, customers have been complaining that their eyelashes do not sit down well and traces remain on their eyelids. Apparently I have low-quality glue for eyelashes. Advise a reliable supplier of high-quality materials for eyelash extensions where to buy a good glue.
My dad groomed my mom since she was 14 and married her at 18/19 when he was 30/31
and now I'm a pedophile too.
wtf
how is this fair?
how is any of this fair?
how was I supposed to know how to dodge "this"
wtf.
hands literally tied behind my fucking back.
I just want to be understood.
or at least find someone that can look past everything.
everything is meaningless
life is too easy
I've conquered the world.
there's nothing left
why did I put myself in this game?
We conquered this species eons ago. I've just planted myself here. For what? to reduce suffering?
I am suffering.
even meaning is meaningless. it's so dramatic.
My daughter is the only thing that keeps me in the moment.
and she is far away.
Idk. i need something to keep going.
i don't want to be around my family anymore.
they are so ignorant and annoying.
i'm stuck at my parents house. 30 years old.
again.
i can't get out
this court case.
i need a lawyer.
i can't get a job because of these charges.
all that's left is building my own shit.
my daughter is all i have left
no family
nothing.
no ambition
none of that matters.
i've already solved the hardest problem. and no everyone just needs to listen.
and if they don't. they can burn. they're up against me.
i'm sick of hearing their annoying voices.
their petty drama..
their awkwardness.
i'm always tired.
missing all that rem sleep. it must be why.
that must be detrimental to our health. why do they promote that to black people so much.
can't have blacks having dreams i guess.
i'm so sick of hearing their voices.
they just sound ignorant.
i was working this loser job at the fucking hotel.
some ignorant dumb fuck talking about god and religion and "numbers don't lie" throwing out all these dumb fuck numbers "my son died when he was 18, i won 1800 at the lotto. numbers don't lie"
YOU HOPELESS STUPID FUCK SHUT THE FUCK UP
belligerent ignorant fuck
and this faggot wants to tell me about how he has to clear his asshole and how faggots don't eat when they have dates.
yeah. just fuck
everything is so trivial
none of their shit matters
none of their shit matters.
what am I doing here?
ease suffering?
is that it?
IS that what I'm on this planet for?
or is this place mine to conquer
Romantic Incest [Momcest Blog]
Hello, anon
I finally found a place to vent all my thoughts and I think it’s time to come to terms with who I am.
I am a mother in love with her son.
I have known this for a very long time and have held back.
But now, I don’t want to anymore
He’s perfect. He’s everything to me.
I cannot be happy and complete with anyone but him.
I know he has to feel the same.
Our souls are meant to be together.
Forever.
And if not, I’d rather be dead.
>Be mother of a handsome, intelligent and loving young man.
>Have super intense unique relationship with him that others frown on even if it’s not sexual or romantic at the moment.
>Still currently sleep in the same bed together/share a room/bathe together when I have the chance.
>Son is an overall well-adjusted, intelligent student and well-rounded friend with no serious physical or mental issues.
>His smile lights up both the room and my heart.
>Feel all my sadness and fear melt away when he enters the room.
>Realize my heart is beating faster everytime he touches me.
>Begin to understand the reason I stay away from other men is because I’m only truly happy when I’m with my son.
>Feel absolutely empty when my son is away with his friends, at school, etc.
>Ruminate that one day some random bitch will hurt him one day.
>Refuse to let this happen or even worse, some girl take my son away from me
>Know that I don’t want to become just some forgotten relic to him.
>Become determined to prove that only his mother knows him best, can love him the way he needs.
>Without a doubt knows that I need to make a serious move fast to secure my place in his heart.
I dream, I dream.
Of a world where you are by my side.
And with our fingers interlaced together.
We turn our backs on the world.
Tl;dr I’m in love with my son and I’m going to blogpost my journey to secure a permanent place in his heart and life.
Education
Have you heard about Pastor David's Prom? It is going to be amazing! Pastor plans on things such as skydiving, bouncy castle and so much more, also it could be a good chance to visit https://www.assignmenthelper.com.au/buy-essay/ to find best writing help at sensible rates. We want as many people there to celebrate with him!
i just want to go back in my room and jack off
i'll do a shitty reward system where i write some code and then jack off.
it should be pretty obvious who i am
self hating nigger trying to save all niggers with crypto. awesome
recently gave up, just going to give in to making my life a hate nigger thread.
I'm over stressing 2020
I’ve recently become a faggot. A real sad faggot at that. A girl I got really close to dumped me and got together with one of my closest friends. Me and this guy had many hours spent together on tf2 servers with 170 ping and csgo comp getting railed by smurfs. Those were good times and yet for some reason I can’t remember it ever being particularly fun. I laughed, I guess. Maybe that’s why I enjoyed it? Not sitting around doing nothing? Regardless, I moved on, sort of, and life was normal once again. Went into school and became friends with a great big bunch of people all of whom have now somehow gone in every direction opposite from each other besides one or two. I’m talking about 25-30 people here, mind you. Again, I felt that weird sadness. I can’t really describe it but it is what it is. I played lots of vidya to forget about it and I did. However, eventually tf2 got bumfuck boring and csgo was just a cesspool of “edshot machine” wannabes, hackers, and the same strats used every time but with slight variations.
One of my friends that ended up floatin away was an Overwatch player. He’d regularly reach top 500 NA every season or so and encouraged me to play it. My goal was to get good enough to become his equal and perhaps surpass him in the process. Finally, I felt happy again. A purpose in life that would require actual effort. After a month or two in I was frustrated. I just couldn’t get past a certain rank. No matter how well I played, how smartly I played or even what strats I used. i just couldn’t get past that elusive skill rating. To make things worse, the one reason I wanted to get better at the game, my friend, moved on. He went onto play a moba or some shit like that. Once more I had that weird sadness. I guess you’d call it melancholy. It’s just so fucking frustrating. Every time something goes my way it just yeets, 180s, and fucking leaves for a pack of cigarettes from the 7-11, never to return. I don’t fucking get it and for the first time ever, I’m more sad than angry. Would that make me one of those extroverts that absolutely requires validation when they achieve their personal goals? Perhaps. But I wasn’t playing Overwatch to receive praise from the guy, I simply wanted to beat him. In any video game that I played there’d always be a peak level of players and skill. I’d get good enough to impress the average joe or a newcomer but that’s about it. Never would I get past that level where other actual players from the game could acknowledge my skill. When other people just get the game and see me play “wow your Mcree aim is so good” or “man those are good roadhog hooks” it irks me deeply. It’s just another reminder that I’ll never reach that goal of becoming truly good at a game where I can compete with others on a high level and prove myself to be the better player. The smart player. The superior crack shot. To be known as someone who is ‘good.’
Am I simply not dedicating enough time to playing the game? Is it a toaster setup issue that is holding me back? Perhaps my playing style is weak.
No, no and no. I play the game pretty much all day every day. I have a good pc setup that allows me 100+FPS easily. I’m a solid believer in “if you can make your setup work, then you don’t need 300fps” and I still am. My playing style has given me great edge over those who’ve just started the game alongside me, I am sure it is not that. I just don’t know what I should do anymore. Do I want to continue my attempts at becoming one of the best in this game or just give up and move on, wherever and whatever that may be?
I pet my cat today.
I pet my cat today. I wish I had some motivation, but there's not really anything I'm looking forward to. I've always been into programming, but recently I've lost all motivation to work on my projects. I just feel like shitting away time playing Osu instead of doing something productive.
Plotting.
The plot thickens. I have set plans in motion to expand my influence into places where technically I had no reason to interfere, but power is a game which one should not play for the sake of getting power. You play power for the sake of the game itself, the same as you would play a computer game.
All my pieces are beginning to move into place and a unique opportunity presented itself. I have roughly three months to get my assets to the level where they would expand, at least two of them. The third is already on a good path, at this point I can only influence and impart some knowledge in order to stabilize the situation with the hands of said asset, that would be good as there is a need for the asset to stabilize the situation by own means, without disclosing the full level of my involvement.
Let's see now. The loose end is in my potential expansion's ability to influence those on top to perform a certain action, if it is so, then I will gain territory there very quickly. If not, I wait and see it collapse, then pick the pieces and then make them right. I have already begun subverting the command structure in order to appear as the better option.
If I manage to separate the above from their native organization and take over, the need for a separate organization with me on top will be apparent and the main plan will be complete. The only danger I see at this point is myself being moved away to another area in order for the top to utilize my organization skills. I find this course unlikely due to past occurrences, but in a case it will happen, my native organization is mature enough to be left alone with myself utilizing only overall control and allowing myself to gain further assets elsewhere.
All and all the plan is already in motion and I have prepared for the most probable alternatives. My organization is invested in, my assets expanding, the possibilities presenting themselves as we go on. Now we wait, control and react as things move exactly where I want them to be. Afterwards we begin the next round.
Empty Christmas
I should have never started a family.
I don't know what I want anymore.
I'll just go for what's right in front of me.
The world is bizarre.
she was dangerous for me. not good for me.
I wouldn't be happy.
the lines in my nails are coming back.
I'm a loser. for life.
I hope nobody ever gets to know me.
Deep down I'm horrible.
And I'm miserable because I will never be perfect.
And that's pathetic, I know. But it's just that it's apparent to everyone else except me. Or so it's made out to be that way. And it pisses me off.
I'm a monster. I wish I could do terrible things to people. I wish I could be a true demon. I'm horrible. I want nothing but to do the worst things to people, and it's something I can't turn away from. but I will never achieve it and that will drive me mad.
I think about getting so stiff inside of little girls.
Mothers forfeiting their children. Hypnosis. Cuck sex ritual mutilation. Farming for virgins.
70
I am surprised of all movings I've never been here, though maybe it's too obvious, maybe I don't care, and now that's 3 places consecutively on 8chan, which I hate 8chan I haven't gotten into that recently though it's for the same reason to hate any grouping on the internet exclusively yes there's some similarities to real life probably but not many, but that's 3 all in the same place, like the next 3 olympics taking place in asia, and people may have forgotten already the embarrassing mascots for japan 2020, the anime characters, naruto and sailor moon and goku sure, but I can't understand the others being there, does japan think they're popular outside japan, or even in japan, I don't know, is it a way of advertising anime more abstractly, and of course where is nintendo, don't do these characters, just put pickachu and mario right, I mean they'll probably be there somewhere if they really do have these fucking idiots appear at any point in the ceremonies. But maybe not, is nintendo getting the shaft because their a big monopoly in japan. is japan trying to use this as a way to get it's other things more popular, I guess in that vein did companies pay to have their anime characters as official mascots, well of course fucking not because if that was true we'd actually see the characters we'd expect, and I don't know what's worse. Like who takes the blame for the shameful roster, and just why, it must be a group think it's always a group think, "oh this! ok ok, yeah" and no one says, "hey this is a fucking dumb fucking idea stop" because they're all millionaires with simple big incomes and they juts want to go home it's not like anything they can do can make them make less money. this is how windows 10 got made, and yeah yeah.
I feel lost. So very lost. Never once have I felt as though I was part of this world. In my eyes, I was always a "monster", while the rest are "human". I hate this. Even though I know that autism is probably why I'm the way I am, I wonder if it's more than that.
I feel so empty. So bored. So meaningless. Like I could clip through the floor at any moment and fall into the planet's core. I just want to be a real man, someone with desires, aspirations, talents and friends.
muph suicide
I found a suicide partner and we'll be killing ourselves on the 13th of July at 1am or so.
We'll be dying by using the charcoal burning method. I'm might livestream it, but it wouldnt be interesting.
I'm 20 years old, born Britain, my parents are from bangladesh, aka im a shitskin feelsbadman.
I've recorded a note, but I that was over a month ago. I'm going to record another one, but Not sure what else to talk about.
Any ideas?
The skepticism behind lolicon. People attracted to children are pedos. People attracted to Cream the Rabbit are waifuists. These can be connected ('grooming'), people can 'want more next', but there's no guarantee. I grew out of loli early 17 and never felt attracted to kids afterwards.
This was going to be a Tweet but I don't want to publicly admit I used to like loli.
Goals:
I want a better body
I want to get a car
I want to finish my first website
I want to finish my 2nd
I want to Learn machine learning & how to stay anonymous online
I want to make a lot of money from my projects
I want to master manipulating people
I want to get better at mathematics and genetics in 6 years
Passive Habits:
I want to learn how to fight & rockclimb
And I want to be at the beach and swim more.
I want to get better at learning again. Be more excited about it.
I want to stop trying to see myself as needing to be a social person. That's corny to me. and there's something wrong with it. Polite I guess, but I need to stay away from being that guy that needs to do it.
I run to the gym later today. After I go to sleep. That should be good. Hopefully meet someone that wants to train me. People tend to want to do that. When I was younger they did. Not sure if I was just bait or they saw I had potential.
I'm going to get back into minecraft and then hopefully catch wind of the next latest game.
>love life
I'm so distant from people already. and I've been with her so long everyone else feels like an alien.
and the way that I love. so exposed. jesus. I've accepted that it's gonna take a while. I just look at people and it's chilling to even get to think of knowing someone else like that. and then all the effort it's going to take. and then all the expectations. and sacrifice. all over again. I don't want to just keep hitting the reset button.
She just up and did it, because she was so scared of me cheating when i went to Texas. and she texts me often and tries to get at me. she still says I don't care. "You don't care enough" is all I ever heard.
We have a child together. and I feel like I just dedicated too much to someone that was so not ready for the world. but that's a reflection of me, because I came crashing down too and I was completely blind to how insane our relationship was.
but there's really probably nothing I could have done about that. no way could I have had a perfect relationship. and I can't expect anything to last decades. I think I just need to let these things run their course. and not overthink it.
I'm fine with my freedom now.
Nonbinary.
Have gender dysphoria, either because you hate your body parts or because you have great mental anguish from your birth sex? It's perfectly fine you become nonbinary.
My problem is with preachy nonbinary people that get pissed off when you question their validity and preach their gender as some important thing. I've come to learn that nonbinary is valid through my own research and experience with the confessions of nonbinary people, not because of crappy stamps and PSAs that say, "Nonbinary is valid and if you disagree you are a transphobe uwu." I've come to learn that there can be legitimate dysphoria behind nonbinary people and that it wasn't some trender gender. I've also learned to stop caring what people identify as, because there is often a reason that they choose to identify as such. Otherkin, genderfluid, people should have the right to identify as whatever they please so long as they do it with legitimate intent and not just because of some type of fashion statement.
What I cannot stand, however, are the nonbinary people that are downright irritating about their gender. In much of their art, they include the nonbinary flag, they have nonbinary right in their bio, they have a nonbinary stamp, they shun anybody who asks questions about their gender, they throw around the word transphobe like nothing, they get upset that people misgender them… it's so damn pretentious. You are not entitled to anything, you get respect in return for respect for others. Respect others and earn respect in return. PC culture has acceptance all backwards. You don't get an award for being born or walking the Earth. There are enough polluting masses of flesh and bones in the world. If you don't make yourself worth something and make an effort towards being a decent human being, you don't deserve to be treated as if you are worth anything. There are enough beggars, narcissists, and self-pitying people in the world, so why would you be entitled to anything more than them? Fancier toilet paper and better-groomed hair ain't worth shit. Assuming you center yourself around these common goals… economic prosperity makes you worth nothing more than your money. Being extremely talented makes you worth nothing more than your talent. In the end, it all boils down to your character, and a mass following is not reflective of what people really think of you, it's only reflective of how people have reacted to what you've created, often in a journey of trying to raise their own social status.
Nonbinary is not normalized yet and is barely understood by the common person. Nobody accepts things just because you say that they must and "that's how things are now sweetie accept it or get fucked transphobe lmao." People must understand why people are nonbinary and how things like body dysphoria actually work. People must understand why you're otherkin or genderfluid or whatever. Just stop with the 'anybody that doesn't immediately agree with me is bad' philosophy and instead try to explain these things better. It's the same thing as vegans who storm into a steakhouse and say, "What, you eat meat? You don't know that much about veganism? Appalling. Never talk to me again, carnist scum. The world is my <<vegan>> oyster and anybody who is not 100% connected to my way of thinking is a terrible person." Also about things like smoking. Not everyone is on the same level or has thought about the weight of their actions as much as you have. People are different in this world. Some don't know better, some were raised in shitty households, some have never even taken a serious look at these types of things. A kind introduction and patience would be a lot more pleasant than attacking people who aren't as informed on subjects as you are. It's not as simple as, "This is how it works, now understand it." Understanding takes time and only comes when people feel it in their heart to understand, not because you throw a tantrum and demand that people understand.
tl;dr stop attacking people for not being on the same mental level as you. Nobody is better or worse than one another, we're raised and conditioned differently and certain beliefs that come easy to you might take more time for other people to understand. What makes many 'transphobes' is poor communication. When a misinformed person walks up to a trans person to asks questions, they should get respectful answers even if they appear disrespectful, not, "You should know already you fucking transphobe, never talk to me again." If a person genuinely is trying to get under your skin or hates something you stand for, you are not intelligent enough to see that right away! You can only know a person's true intentions through direct communication, not through 'first impression' assumption bullshit. There's also a lot more to the picture of why people are the way that they are. Stop seeing yourself in others and start seeing others for the type of people that they've grown up to be.
There are lots of artists that overcharge. But there are even more that undercharge. Sometimes I am sad to see such great art going for below minimum wage. But at the same time… well, I'm going to throw my respect out the window and just be honest here: Kayla-Na and some other popular artists have RIDICULOUSLY FUCKING HIGH prices for such BELOW AVERAGE artwork. There, I said it, I'm ready for the flame comments and hate messages.
blogpost
>>>/v/16692342
>Everyone goes on and on and on about how great the economy is and how everyone is hiring. I've found a near 100% correlation between people who say that and people who haven't had to look for a job in at least 20 years.
I tried to stop being a NEET once earlier this year. Got a job as a janitor fairly quickly. Only thing I hated was being called in in the middle of the night becuase other chucklefucks kept not turning up. More money for me though. Circumstance required I leave that job after a short time though. If possible, I'd like to work a relaxed job where my year round allergies wouldn't be an issue. But I know that's not possible.
8chan Meta Blog
A common observation I notice on 8chan is that people pretend to have the perspective of an oldfag, or a general quality perspective and try using it to assert their opinions on the direction the board has gone over time. Such as the board has gone to shit.
Or that there's hearsay and rumor of another board's quality, and try to persuade or disuade others from going there.
Well, for once, I'm going to start writing down my perspective of things to at least supplement my POV with evidence, and it may or may not be counterexample to whatever narrative a random anon tries to run about an 8chan board. It's still a POV rather than an all-encompassing experience, but at least I evidence mine references.
>be me
>/b/ mod
>April of the current year
>find out that two namefags live closeish to each other (Seruki and TableROU)
>they hook up
>Seruki gets pregnant
>they decide they want to come visit me before they have a kid
>mfw they follow through
>mfw im currently staying with them until the 10th
>mfw they buy me 5 polished ceramic eggs as a gift
It's currently 11:17AM and we are going to spend the rest of the day in Denver. I've put one of the eggs up my ass and intend to see how long I can wait until I shit it out and give it to one of them on public transport.
Pic moderately related: I put an egg up my ass a long time ago on /b/, Seruki and Table both were present during this incident.
Natural selection is a bitch
I am a 5'1" male, if you could even call me a man. I realize now that I have a steep uphill battle to fight with in the rest of the world, but I'm considering not fighting it and just relaxing in the shade at the bottom of the hill. The truth of the matter is that I will be less likely to get a job (I do have one despite this) get paid less, I'll be less likely to be promoted, viewed as less intelligent, and not sufficient to be as a leader. honestly as I type this out I care less and less about it. somethings must die and my name will just be another in an endless lust of people who didn't matter. I have to learn to deal with that. That and the crippling loneliness, but again none of my struggles matter. I will never be important and I have to accept that. The last thing I did not mention on my list of disadvantages is that I will disregarded by the opposite sex just because if my height.
All of this just because of something that is 60 to 80 percent genetic the rest being nutrition, but that is my mother's fault for being a dumb bitch his brought three kids in this world she couldn't take care of.
God fucking dammit. We're probably having another goddamn girl. My wife is a major fucking cunt. and while I can deal with her, and my two daughters are somewhat reasonable, even though they're nowhere near the cuntifying hormonal years yet.
All I fucking need is more goddamn estrogen around me. I'm probably gonna an hero. I can't stand these bitches already and another one on the way is just all I fucking need. We're going again in another month to make sure because the doctor wasn't sure. If it turns out this is another little mini cunt, somebody just come and fucking kill me
I want to kill myself but unironically. I wish there was some way I could do it without my family knowing but I realize that it would actually benefit them in the long run and initiate some much needed change in all of their lives, maybe for the worse at first but for the best in the end. I'm 20 but I really don't feel like seeing what's in it for me, I don't want to go on and I hardly have the energy or dignity to get up out of bed during the day and do much of anything besides watch anime or something. I don't know how I got to this point but I know I've felt this way for as far back as I can remember. I don't want to take any goddamn medication, I've read far too much on the permanent detrimental effects that could transpire, then again one could argue that if I want to kill myself then what's the harm anyway, but I still don't want to take them. My mom is sending me to another country where I have wealthy family with major connections to hopefully try to start again somewhere new, eventually go to college there and whatnot, but nothing has worked out so far and I'm dreading it just another massive disappointment. I'm going to try and expect nothing but I can't help but hope, I think it's in my nature. I've always had big dreams.
About three months ago, I was at Church. I wasn't really paying attention to the liturgy, I was just sort of thinking. Regrettably, I do this sometimes. I was raised a Catholic, I was taught the order of the Mass in a classroom setting, and on the vast majority of the Sundays of my life, I've gone to Church. I've thoroughly memorized the actions, the words, the prayers, and most of the common hymns, so it can all be kind of mindless to me if I'm not careful.
What I was thinking about was the nature of individuality, especially as it relates to my own life. I recognize radical individualism as the source of most of the world's problems today. People say, "Well why should the Church tell me I can't suck dicks? I'm not hurting anyone, am I?" People say, "Well why should these racists tell me I can't fuck niggers? I'm not hurting anyone, am I?" These people reject the notion that they could ever have any responsibilities to any social unit higher than the individual, so they do whatever they want, completely heedless of the damage they're causing to society. I'm not saying Chinese hive-mind collectivism is the answer here, I'm just saying that individualism has gotten out of hand. People take it to radical extremes.
Yet, despite my realization of this, I'm something of a radical individual myself. I go to work and barely talk to anyone, I go to the store and avoid people's eyes, and at the end of every Mass I speed-walk out of the Church without a word to anyone. Not even to the priest, who is always waiting outside the door to shake your hand and talk to you if you want him to. At the end of every day, I come to nothing. I come home to nobody. I barely even call my parents anymore. I don't talk to my siblings at all outside of Christmas. I can't remember the last time I looked at someone I somewhat knew and decided I'd like to be better friends with that person. I can't remember the last time I looked at a woman and decided I'd like to get to know her. If I forget to talk to myself, I'll go so long without speaking that my lips feel stuck together. Even on 8chan, I feel like there's something about my posts that makes them stick out. Like I don't fit in with all the other Anonymouses somehow. As though, despite the fact that I've spent the better part of the past decade on imageboards, there's still something about this collective that I fail to understand.
The congregation was in the middle of singing a hymn when I came to the conclusion, "I am cursed to be the ultimate individual." In that moment, the tone of my voice shifted, and it synchronized with the voices of the other parishioners in a very pleasing way. It was as though God Himself had sent His refutation to my conclusion. A very clear, concise, and irrefutable indication that I am, in fact, more than capable of fitting in with others. I was troubled, and afraid. At the end of the Mass speed-walked out of the Church without a word to anyone.
Three months later and nothing in my life has changed. I have felt no desire to grow closer to anyone in particular, and nobody has came into my life to compel me to do so. Yet when I come home to my Nothing at the end of each day, I'm filled with a sort of melancholy. I guess you could say that I want to want to share my life with others, but, considering that I haven't yet done so, I probably don't actually want to.
And that's not okay. Affability is a virtue, and to completely disregard it as I do makes me a bad person.
just gonna use this to type some cringe word spaghetti about my inconsequential life
lost a lot of weight recently, 40 pounds over the last few months. my bmi is now in the "overweight" category. i dont feel any different. i dont even know why im still doing it. i guess im tired of being alone and i know my weight is a big problem but how will this get me a bf/gf? i cant talk to people, i dont want to talk to people i dont even want to look at people. the closest person in my life is a guy who added me from the cuteboys map last july. i have no interpersonal relationships of value irl. my family is a mess. i just want to cry and have someone there who built a life with me, so i could be there for them too when they're weak, but no one is even in my life to have a casual talk about the aesthetics that buying a mahogany wardrobe adds to a bedroom (weird fucking example but it's what i thought of for nonchalant chitchat). i remember in december of 2017 i had a panic attack i think. i didnt know it was a panic attack at the time but my roommate was gone so i had the room to myself and i fucking freaked out. 8 hours of sobbing and hitting my head on the bed frame and tearing open parts of my leg. then i fell asleep and when i woke up part of me was gone permanently. i dont cry anymore, i dont really feel hardly as much about anything anymore. if you think this post is whiny bitch mode garbage(it is) you should see what i used to write. idk one of these days i'll get around to trying suspension hanging, i've thought about it but even just thinking about confronting death still makes me shudder. i need a more immediate way like a gun so i can do it on impulse randomly one day.
The dude in this picture has the same body type and hairstyle as my neighbor who just got into his freshman year of college.He also has a younger brother in 6th grade and always carries around a book bag with him.Maybe I’m over thinking this,but I’m seeing a lot of similarities
Sup. Just shitting up this board here.
I fucking hate this shit.
I fucking hate this feeling, of numb pain. My head feels numb, like i have a dull pain going on there. I find it hard to think. I find it al ittle difficult to read too. I don't really feel like getting up either, and all I can really find myself doing is mindlessly watching shitty streams and shit on YouTube, accelerating my brain rot.
I want this shit to stop,
Truth now. No lies.
Q… You said, Moon Landings are real, Consider the vastness of space. You quoted the Bible on many occasions. Yet you endorse things like space? Why would you contradict the very Bible you quote from? Do you think we are idiots? Tell the damn truth. Earth is flat. The Govt is planning a fake alien invasion. California wildfires were a result of DEW deployment. WTH Q? Why are you ignoring the foundational truths? Why are you spreading disinfo? Are you a good guy or an evil agent of doom? We need to know. Also this JFK JR STUFF. Is he alive or not? Quit treating us like we are just fish chasing bait.
Is there a way to take life less seriously?
Otherwise is there a way to come to terms with death? I swear I'm fucking retarded I get blindsided by sophistry and I have a hard time picking up basic fucking formatting because I don't want to read the manual. Hell I hate reading in general because it takes up my time.
Why is time so fucking limiting?
Why do I have to wait? I hate spoon-feeding because it gives in to my own faults, yet at the same juncture I can't force myself to do anything meaningful with the little brains I have. What the fuck can I do? I just want to change something… Change life so that I have a purpose outside of philosophy and constant learning. Where is the truth.. where can I find wisdom and acceptance?
I saw the Grinch movie today. It was okay. I thought that the whole "The Grinch was an orphan and he didn't experience christmas as a kid" thing took away more from the movie than it added. There was still the message of being with your family and spreading happiness being more important than consuming products but it really wasn't about that so much as it was about the Grinch getting over his bad childhood. Funnily enough for a while I thought that the movie was trying to suggest that the Grinch had some form of autism and honestly it would have been hilarious to see such a ballsy take on the original work. The B plot with Cindy Lou didn't really go anywhere either, it was just
>"I'm being a burden on my mom"
<"You're not being a burden on me"
>"Oh OK"
It didn't really add anything to the movie at all. I think that's the problem with making a movie out of a short book, it's just too concise to stretch out to an hour and a half and you have to make up shit that will never fit right. And it's hollywood, so it's still a commendable feat that the point wasn't completely lost and the work wasn't turned into an unintelligible mess. That's all you can ask for really.
Moved into my own rental recently, pestering for the gf to move in but her parents don't like me cause i'm disabled so she's a smidge reluctant.
I'm really anti-social media but I joined tumblr to follow porn blogs and shitpost, they kicked me off after one too many replies to SJW shit and since dropping the cancer of a site i've found my sex drive has gone up, and i'm mounting my girlfriend more often, hopefully gonna start a family soon, maybe start a business.
I'm a hobbyist writer, havn't published anything yet because I never get passed the first chapter.
Starting a massive build in mienkraft but I'll probably drop that like everything else but it doesn't stop me starting a new one again.
If the world worked the way I want it too it would remove me from it, I'm a bit of a hypocrite in that sense as I do a lot of shit I know is bad deep down inside.
Life's looking up for me but I'm generally a glass half full kinda guy anyway.
Going to Japan soon as well, I prefer my home country of straya but the bae wants to see the world.
I'm sorry if I've broken some kind of unspoken rule here but I just felt like putting that up here.
I was introduced to sex far earlier than I should have been, one of my mothers boyfriends daughters who was about five years older than me started messing around with me but it fucked up my development and made me obsess about it during my formative years when I should have just been a kid. I saw her later on in life and she got into drugs, thinking back on it I think she might have been abused as well and I was a kind of vent. Thankfully I never really had the opportunity to continue the cycle, not without lack of trying. Fuck I think about some of the stupid shit I did when I was younger and realize how skin of the teeth I really skated by.
It kind of made me start thinking you know, what if pedophiles weren't born, but made? What if being abused is the process someone has to go through to become a monster? I'm not saying that's what I am, but I think if things had been much more serious that maybe I would have developed differently, that I would have changed for the worse. I know a whole bunch of degenerates on the net who are into a whole bunch of disgusting things and when I ask them why, they never know, but they all had something genuinely fucked up happen to them when they were young and I can't help but wonder if that's the reason why.
I had a really fucking abusive first serious relationship and it jaded me towards women for the longest time, but after meeting my girlfriend I've had my hope restored.
Now you see how I change subjects tangentially and obtusely? this is how I go about my daily life too, and my long term goals, i'll start on something, get a decent way into it and then just drop it and pick something else up, is there any way to fix this?
I'm just kinda vomiting up stuff here now.
pic unrelated
Well pol a Jew started causing trouple at the gate.
So I stateded encouraging him.
He calleded Republican and Trump Nazis
Then I stareded calling him a Nazi, he jewed out and niggers dragged him off.
The vid is 147mb. So I'll post and faggots ry for now and upload when I land.
What Is An AD HOMINEM Attack?
**An argument or reaction directed against a person rather than the position they are maintaining.
*Zionist Shills on this board attack Truthanons by calling them names.
*Notice - Israel First Shills NEVER Refute any of the Evidence or Facts showing the Zionist Organized Crimes against Americans because they know that it's TRUE.
In fact, they don't dare to talk about ANY part of Zionist Crimes against America. Their purpose is to Censor the Truth.
Typical Tactics of Slander:
1. Call Truthanon a "shill" - muhjoo shill, MUH JEW shill, division shill, copypasta, bot.
2. Point out how many times Truthanon posted - divert people's attention away from the TRUTH, to the number of times that Truth is posted on here.
*MSM is 24/7 Fake News, yet these Zionist Shill Losers never complain about how many times the Fake News repeats their lies. because MSM is owned by the Zionist Cabal.
3. Show you how to "Filter" these Truth Bombs. They never ask you to filter porn.
4. Use sneaky false premises as in: implying that Crimes committed by the Zionist Organized Cabal is the same as saying "all Jews" did this, so you're blaming an "entire race". Play the Jewish VICTIM Card boohoo.
After a year or so of tolerable dissatisfaction, I feel depression crawling its way back umder my skin. I have to do something about it, because I could never kill myself; I really love my family and know it would hurt them, especially my mom. Also I'm a pussy. I don't want anyone to respond to this. People on 8chan are usually judgemental and mean. The rest of the internet is mean too. I just want someone to read this. Not even because they might relate and feel better - I just crave the attention.
Relationship Thread
>pic unrelated, unless you're into that I guess
Doubt this will ever get used but I need a place to vent so here comes a long ass blogpost because that's ok here… right?
feel free to bully me
So I'm involved in what I'm gonna call a love triangular prism. It's complicated and you wont get it but don't worry neither do I. Basically, there's two separate but connected triangles, maybe three I'm not sure. My friend has been talking to a girl for a while now, and they're together now. But a few weeks ago after a few drinks me and her got kinda close. We've agreed to stay away from each other because this dude is head over heels for her, but we're both struggling.
Because of this, and some weird double date shenanigans because the two downright refused to have a date with two third wheels, me and the girl's best friend are together. We've liked each other for a while, but we've both been busy with other people. So far it's ok, but I'm worried it won't last and our friendship is going to be strained if we split up.
But don't worry Anons, it gets more complicated and boring. I kind of, sort of already have a gf. Well, she considers herself my gf but I'd say she's more of a semi-long distance semi-relationship. But I don't have the balls to "leave" someone who when I say "Marry me" as a joke says "maybe" with the most serious look I've ever seen.
SO that's me right now Anons. Come laugh, come ask questions and come bitch about your problems.
Hi, blog. What should i do today?
This is a cool board.
I have a lot of stuff to do, but I'm not sure what! Can you help me decide, blog?
I can play Rainbow Six, READ the book Rainbow Six. Or, write my own book. I could also study culture to help with world building in my book, making my writing better in the future? I could clean my room. I could watch Austin Powers, or some other film. I own lots of films. Or instead of a movie, Netflix's Daredevil (which is actually very good for capeshit). Last option is just hanging out in a new chat room I found that I like a lot for not having much/any moderation.
There's so much to do. I don't know how people get bored.
What do you recommend?
Also, here's a plug for my blog board. >>>/eerie/
>"What are you doing for Thanksgiving?"
<"Nothing."
>"Nothing at all?"
<"Nothing related to the holiday. Certainly not giving thanks for anything."
>"You should really spend it with your family, aren't you thankful for them?"
<"I moved a thousand miles from any known member of my family specifically to avoid them and their perpetual state of dysfunction."
>"Well, any friends?"
<"Not anymore. I developed needs and stopped paying for stuff, and they left."
>"Surely there's something you can be thankful for! You're alive, after all!"
<"Alive, stuck in a city that's slowly imploding, stuck in a state that's done nothing but make me miserable, stuck in a job that promises more and more misery the longer I work it, stuck thousands of dollars in debt for a college degree I never was able to finish and was never going to help me get into my once dream-career that's rapidly becoming a joke in and of itself, stuck in a country that's slowly coming apart at the seams, stuck in a conversation with a person who honestly can't believe I wouldn't be thankful for something in my life. But lucky me, I'm alive, oh frabjous day."
>"You're way too negative."
<"Then stop talking to me, I hear negativity is contagious."
New story thread/genera venting thread
Old thread 404s so I guess I’ll make a new one. Sit down, listen to some music and offload your baggage.
My life has gone to shit. I just need to put it all out there and hope someone listens. I quit my last job, if I didn’t I was probably going to die there from overwork. 50-70 hour weeks every week was breaking me physically and mentally. I saved up enough to last me at least 6 months and looked for another job that wasn’t going long to kill me. It’s all gone now because of my mother and sisters. When the oven shorted out and nearly burned the house down, I was the one who bought a new oven. When this short also killed half our breakers, I’m the one who spent 400 dollars replacing them. When her car battery died I’m the one who bought a new one and bought her alternator a new belt. For the past 1-1.5 years I have been buying the groceries every week. When she needed to borrow money I gave it to her. What usually happens is she just says it counts as payment for car insurance and leaves it at that.
For several years I was basically the family maid. At least once a month my mother and sisters would go out shopping, or to eat, or to go to the movies and leave me at home to clean the house. Each and every time I was promised by my mother she would make my sisters help. This never happened and I eventually accepted it never would.
When my parents divorced and my father remarried, little by little my mother and sisters turned against him. I started to hear stories from one of them about abuse and being handcuffed because she was losing her temper. Now I only ever saw this happen on one occasion, but if what happened was the average then it was entirely justified. This sister was extremely angry. She got violent regularly and both sisters would fight often. When I was in middle school I would be terrified nearly everyday that I’d come home and find one of them murdered the other. When it came to punishments, I was frequently grounded and had my possessions taken from me. While my sisters would simply get yelled out and maybe a slap on the wrist. I just got told it was because of blood pressure problems she had now and punishing them raised it too much.
When I attempted to join the Air Force after graduating I had a fall and required surgery to repair the damage. When this happened my mother and her boyfriend decided that I was going to college. I Managed to get a job and started saving up money. But it wasn’t enough to pay for everything. The loan I actually needed was only about 2,000 dollars or so and that would have covered everything I needed. Then I had to draw out an additional 3,000 dollar loan because my mother needed money. Like an absolute idiot I gave it to her. I dropped out of college soon after that. While I was still a delivery guy my mother also traded in my car, and gave me the older one she was driving so she could buy a new SUV. Several months after that I approached her about getting the car title switched over to my name and only to find out she had taken a 5,000 dollar loan against it.
This is not the first time something like this has happened either. When I was 8 she took my GameCubea Christmas gift from my grandmother all its games and stuff, and traded it in for an Xbox. When I was 14 she complained about how my Boy Scouts membership was so expensive and guilt tripped me into quitting.
Now my money is nearly all gone, the military will not accept me because of my prior injury and just about every attempt I’ve made to get free of these people has been sabotaged or some twist of fate stops me. I’m at the end of my rope guys. What do I do?
I'm fucking annoyed at people labelling themselves like "introvert", "extrovert", "ambivert", "intj". What the hell a lot of people are saying and I quote "omg I do [basic human trait] so it must mean I am special !!! who else is like this??". "omg i love coffee while reading books, sitting in front of the computer all day and watching netflix like omg!!"
My entire life I've had what seems to me amazing luck that means nothing at all. Not win the lottery type shit or anything like that, just enough luck to rebound from any misstep I take and get right back on the path of success, every single time, but none of it matters because I can not find a single thing to give a fuck about and that's only the second worst thing. Examples of me screwing myself over go as far back as 2nd grade, with me fucking myself over in ways only I could and came back almost completely unscathed. I was professionally tested at the age of 12 to have an IQ of 135 so I'm no idiot but I was also diagnosed with Asperger's at the age of 3, my Mother never told me though and only told me about it once I was an adult. Ever since I was a kid I've been an awful stubborn pig. I've never been able to do anything "just because I should do it." It needs to be explained to me in a way I understand or I refuse to listen causing grief for everyone involved. The earliest example is being taught how to hold a pencil, and cursive. I was good enough I everything I tried but no adults ever bother to explain to me why you should hold the pencil a certain way (for better stability and control) or why I should bother learning cursive (signing signature and sped when taking down notes in writing). My handwriting was so shit and my refusal to learn cursive had the teacher throw me in with the special ed kids because she thought I was just retarded. One week in there and everyone obviously came to the conclusion it wasn't about that but no one ever convinced me why I should do either of those things and I never properly learned them, in fact, one teacher was so retarded she intentionally taught me the wrong way to hold the pencil (hold it in at the bottom of the "V" of a peace sign) because at least she bothered to tell me why, I didn't figure out the right way to do it until I was 13 but at that point I had missed years of proper practice so my handwriting barely improved. In 4th and 5th grade I had the most amazing teacher's that always explained why something was useful and I never skipped a beat. I was acing all subjects and school was amazing, but 6th grade came in and hit me like a brick wall. My 6th grade teacher was the biggest piece of shit that just distributed busy work and never gave me a reason for anything. I refused his instructions at every turn and it's only by the mere grace of my mother motivating me by threatening a terrible home life if I failed that I was motivated enough to at least eck out a passing grade but I learned almost nothing that year. Coming into 7th grade I was placed in all the lowest classes and no hope was given to me, but at least it wasn't fucking special ed. By pure grace I got not only transferred into a brand new fucking school but I got the best math teacher I could have ever asked for Ms. Alan. She explained everything thoroughly and made the homework the same each and every time (always evens at the end of the chapter and better yet, none of that "show your work" bullshit. I got from 5/6th grade math all the way to Pre-algebra in one semester, transferring into it at the earliest possible time. It was also at this time someone finally bother to explain to me how to hold a pencil and why. Suddenly all my grades shot up dramatically in all classes as teacher's realized I knew the answers because they could finally fucking read them. I got into 8th grade doing above average and excelling, when I got the luckiest break imaginable. The school was a Charter so they could get away with having some strange classes that most other middle/high schools didn't have at the time, i.e. Game Design, Animation and Tai Chi. That last one changed my life. The teacher was the best fit imaginable for me, willing to explain everything in detail, why you should and how you should do things. 2/3 of the class didn't give a shit but I certainly did and that got me into one of the best sets of mind in my life. I wasn't strong but my body was comfortable, limber and well maintained, and my head crystal clear. As far as friends go, I've never been able to relate to kids my own age, at least not emotionally.
I don't really have people to talk to about this stuff so I guess I'll just post it here. I'm 31 years old, and I have a 28 year old sister. Our mother was a quiet lady who very obviously felt like she had made a wrong turn in life. Our dad was an angry man who drank a lot and would lash out.
When I was 11, our mom left. Ran off with another guy. Probably has a new family by now. But she left us behind. Without her around, Dad started to drink a lot more and he got a lot angrier. Usually just meant he would beat whoever looked at him wrong first out of the two of us. I don't remember when exactly, but somewhere in there he started sexually abusing my little sister. If she refused he would give her absolutely vicious beatings. In the area we were raised, nobody really batted an eye at beating your kids. There was a very "not my business" attitude towards it, so nothing was ever done. We lived pretty far away from anyone else, too.
The other thing about our dad is that sometimes he liked to watch. He would try to make me do sexual things with my sister. I refused and would get beaten for it. Sometimes he would fuck her himself after. Eventually I gave in and would do certain things with her. Never full-on penetration but we decided between us that if the choice was between doing something minor with me or having sex with him, she'd rather do the former.
One day, I guess I would have been 13 and her 10, there was just this perfect storm of events. I was angry. Our dad was angry. My sister resisted him and he started beating her harder than he ever had. I grabbed a small kitchen knife that was nearby and just went after him. It wasn't about wanting to protect her, I just wanted to kill him. I got him a couple times before he started in on me instead. Even with a weapon, he was a lot bigger than me and a lot stronger than me. Sister ran outside, half naked and beat all to shit and I guess a car pulled over for her. Some guy I'd never seen pulled my dad off me.
We ended up living with our grandparents while he was in prison. It was nice. Grandma was always really sweet and taught us a lot about cooking. Grandpa was the gentlest man you'd ever meet and loved to work on cars. The whole thing with our dad fucked us both up, though. I've got some weird fetishes now and I have trouble with my emotions. Mostly with opening up to people. It made me into a hard person, I guess. My sister's the opposite. She's like a timid little mouse and is still terrified of anyone but me. She had her first boyfriend earlier this year and was so proud, but I'm told they broke up over a fight because he wanted her to call him daddy in bed.
I don't really like talking about this stuff but he's been out of prison for a couple years now and it's pretty prominent in my mind right now because he's been hanging around my sister's home a lot. Kind of stalking her, I guess. She's been staying with me for two weeks now out of fear of him. It's depressing to see just how much damage he did to her and it makes me wish I'd done a better job of protecting her from him.
