No.303
I really really really hate my awesome life.
____________________________
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No.305
I've really begun to question my worth.
I fucking miss bitcoin.
I fucking live check to check ($4000 checks) all through 2017 because I can't get a stable place to live and have a regular routine.
I can't do my job for shit.
I went to jail and lost the best job I ever had. Now I can't find a new one. Another year with no birthdays, Halloween or Christmas.
Who knows if I'll get a chance at getting into Bitcoin below 50k. Probably not. Jesus.
How did I fuck up my awesome life this much? So many opportunities thrown away. All because I was resentful and arrogant.
My existence is a sick joke.
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No.307
Maybe things are looking up. Interview went well. I think.
I can't believe I'm actually losing hair.
We'll see if it gets better.
I'm getting a little bit closer to finishing up some work. I really hope this works out. I was so close. I can really make something out of this.
I'm going to spend a little bit longer trying to figure out this problem I'm working with. Everything will work out so much smoother if I can just get it to work.
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No.312
I need to just stop trying to build everything from scratch.
It doesn't matter. something gets at me. something deeply bothers me, but i can't do that anymore. i need to just start learning libraries and stuff. frameworks. and such. come on. I've got to catch up. There really isn't much time left.
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No.313
I can't keep coming down this road.
I have to budge. I gotta move.
This is bad. I'm frozen. I'm petrified.
All I want to do is cry and complain on this blog.
Why can't I get my awesome life together? Why am I always so desperate even when I have a chance? Why can't I get over my arrogance and uselessly selfish whims? I could have had this done by now, but I insisted and failed at doing it my way. It's just always going to be one more damn thing. But I don't have a choice now and I should have no problem working like this. but I do. I feel like it says something about me deeply. I need coverage. and for coverage I gotta dig deep. but now times are just racing ahead.
It's bad.
I have 2 more shots. So I feel. next to whatever I can scrap up from learning skill after skill. How many of these things can I learn? how fast? What matters? What do I code from scratch? How do I learn all this new technology? What is it? What am I supposed to do?
I can figured this out. I gotta find a new way to package this.
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No.314
Why was I not active?
Why wasn't I more active?
It wouldn't have changed anything with girls though. I am still black. If they wanted me they would have came after me more naturally.
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No.317
>>314
>Chasing white grills
(At least this is what I am inferring from your remark about "girls")
Bruv, you should consider dating within your race.
Also, they are not all they're cooked up to be, you're not missing much.
Skanks and Ho's in all races, as the saying goes: "grass is always greener on the other side".
If you manage to find one, she will love you, because
many black grills are treated like shit, pumped and dumped, you know what I mean?
Also, I whish you good luck with your pursuit, of what seems like learning to code.
I tried it some time ago, shit's tough man, keep trying.
Don't give up like me.
I'll try to take it up again, maybe I'll contribute a little to this blog, if you don't mind.
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No.328
i'm about to die.
i'm resorting to ponzi schemes now.
that's how i hope to live. fuck this.
i fucked my family over.
i'm headed straight for the bridge.
i'm a deluded piece of shit. i can't even get myself together. i'm basic as fuck.
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No.331
General access laboratory security guard is an absolute dickhead, hurr no snacks or drinks inside the laboratory!! I'm not even putting it on the equipment you cunt and you're the only one power tripping over this. His tone about it is very punchable too. Fuck this tattood hipster wearing cocksucker, you'll be working there forever achieving nothing. Cunt.
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No.333
←- NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER.
The most precious things in this world deny your genes. You will never amount to anything. You will always have to cope about how much your existence doesn't MATTER!
You are perpetually coping EVERYDAY to just feel normal.
You are COPING.
COPING.
COPING!!!
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No.334
really confused with l1f3 and how I should proceed.
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No.341
Alright I may have overreacted, I get it. But that doesn't mean the other one is right? I don't know. I've been bugging them about it and I hope they don't get too mad. I mean they get paid for their jobs, that's the least they could do.
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No.350
i don't really have anyone to talk to .
i guess I could
there are people above me.
that i know could watch.
and some do
i know.
but for the masses. as far as, this leaking. out of my control
no.
but then again. this is just leverage against me.
how am i insanely justifying my suffocating failure?
because right now, the only difference is the cool kid in school.
literally…
I've fought tooth and nail and I get cast aside like shit.
wtf is this?
i'm angry.
and yeah. i'm resentful at that fucker.
"Niggers" is the perfect word for you to use, right?
fuck you…
and you still want to get as close as you want.
yeah. I KNOW WHY THEY DON'T WANT ANY F MY NEW SHIT…
YEAH. I GOT A REAL FUCKING GOOD PICTURE NOW.
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No.352
Why did I fall for it? love?
so stupid.
It's a guilt trap.
We're immortal now.
Time is all I need. I'm horrifying slow.
I don't need to be a young prodigy
I am jealous.
But youth was just freedom. Things are different now.
This is reality. And the reality is that time is all I need.
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No.353
This burden?
How am I supposed to be combat ready if I can't handle these current conditions.
I need to reach a calm in the chaos.
How am I supposed to disregard if I can't restrain myself in the most visible way? her
I can use these things to make me better.
My conditions
Children, a cool in Hellfire
Her, sifting out the noise
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No.851
i'm still failing
i am so close to success now though.
my project is doing okay
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No.852
>>851
You getting there op
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No.869
I had no way of knowing life.
I have a very simple job today.
Just work until someone calls.
i should have never had a family.
but then I'd be extremely deranged
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No.870
I just need one thing to jump through the stargate. That's it.
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