Have gender dysphoria, either because you hate your body parts or because you have great mental anguish from your birth sex? It's perfectly fine you become nonbinary.
My problem is with preachy nonbinary people that get pissed off when you question their validity and preach their gender as some important thing. I've come to learn that nonbinary is valid through my own research and experience with the confessions of nonbinary people, not because of crappy stamps and PSAs that say, "Nonbinary is valid and if you disagree you are a transphobe uwu." I've come to learn that there can be legitimate dysphoria behind nonbinary people and that it wasn't some trender gender. I've also learned to stop caring what people identify as, because there is often a reason that they choose to identify as such. Otherkin, genderfluid, people should have the right to identify as whatever they please so long as they do it with legitimate intent and not just because of some type of fashion statement.
What I cannot stand, however, are the nonbinary people that are downright irritating about their gender. In much of their art, they include the nonbinary flag, they have nonbinary right in their bio, they have a nonbinary stamp, they shun anybody who asks questions about their gender, they throw around the word transphobe like nothing, they get upset that people misgender them… it's so damn pretentious. You are not entitled to anything, you get respect in return for respect for others. Respect others and earn respect in return. PC culture has acceptance all backwards. You don't get an award for being born or walking the Earth. There are enough polluting masses of flesh and bones in the world. If you don't make yourself worth something and make an effort towards being a decent human being, you don't deserve to be treated as if you are worth anything. There are enough beggars, narcissists, and self-pitying people in the world, so why would you be entitled to anything more than them? Fancier toilet paper and better-groomed hair ain't worth shit. Assuming you center yourself around these common goals… economic prosperity makes you worth nothing more than your money. Being extremely talented makes you worth nothing more than your talent. In the end, it all boils down to your character, and a mass following is not reflective of what people really think of you, it's only reflective of how people have reacted to what you've created, often in a journey of trying to raise their own social status.
Nonbinary is not normalized yet and is barely understood by the common person. Nobody accepts things just because you say that they must and "that's how things are now sweetie accept it or get fucked transphobe lmao." People must understand why people are nonbinary and how things like body dysphoria actually work. People must understand why you're otherkin or genderfluid or whatever. Just stop with the 'anybody that doesn't immediately agree with me is bad' philosophy and instead try to explain these things better. It's the same thing as vegans who storm into a steakhouse and say, "What, you eat meat? You don't know that much about veganism? Appalling. Never talk to me again, carnist scum. The world is my <<vegan>> oyster and anybody who is not 100% connected to my way of thinking is a terrible person." Also about things like smoking. Not everyone is on the same level or has thought about the weight of their actions as much as you have. People are different in this world. Some don't know better, some were raised in shitty households, some have never even taken a serious look at these types of things. A kind introduction and patience would be a lot more pleasant than attacking people who aren't as informed on subjects as you are. It's not as simple as, "This is how it works, now understand it." Understanding takes time and only comes when people feel it in their heart to understand, not because you throw a tantrum and demand that people understand.
tl;dr stop attacking people for not being on the same mental level as you. Nobody is better or worse than one another, we're raised and conditioned differently and certain beliefs that come easy to you might take more time for other people to understand. What makes many 'transphobes' is poor communication. When a misinformed person walks up to a trans person to asks questions, they should get respectful answers even if they appear disrespectful, not, "You should know already you fucking transphobe, never talk to me again." If a person genuinely is trying to get under your skin or hates something you stand for, you are not intelligent enough to see that right away! You can only know a person's true intentions through direct communication, not through 'first impression' assumption bullshit. There's also a lot more to the picture of why people are the way that they are. Stop seeing yourself in others and start seeing others for the type of people that they've grown up to be.