No.771
Goals:
I want a better body
I want to get a car
I want to finish my first website
I want to finish my 2nd
I want to Learn machine learning & how to stay anonymous online
I want to make a lot of money from my projects
I want to master manipulating people
I want to get better at mathematics and genetics in 6 years
Passive Habits:
I want to learn how to fight & rockclimb
And I want to be at the beach and swim more.
I want to get better at learning again. Be more excited about it.
I want to stop trying to see myself as needing to be a social person. That's corny to me. and there's something wrong with it. Polite I guess, but I need to stay away from being that guy that needs to do it.
I run to the gym later today. After I go to sleep. That should be good. Hopefully meet someone that wants to train me. People tend to want to do that. When I was younger they did. Not sure if I was just bait or they saw I had potential.
I'm going to get back into minecraft and then hopefully catch wind of the next latest game.
>love life
I'm so distant from people already. and I've been with her so long everyone else feels like an alien.
and the way that I love. so exposed. jesus. I've accepted that it's gonna take a while. I just look at people and it's chilling to even get to think of knowing someone else like that. and then all the effort it's going to take. and then all the expectations. and sacrifice. all over again. I don't want to just keep hitting the reset button.
She just up and did it, because she was so scared of me cheating when i went to Texas. and she texts me often and tries to get at me. she still says I don't care. "You don't care enough" is all I ever heard.
We have a child together. and I feel like I just dedicated too much to someone that was so not ready for the world. but that's a reflection of me, because I came crashing down too and I was completely blind to how insane our relationship was.
but there's really probably nothing I could have done about that. no way could I have had a perfect relationship. and I can't expect anything to last decades. I think I just need to let these things run their course. and not overthink it.
I'm fine with my freedom now.
____________________________
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No.772
I'm adding girls from TikTok
minecraft takes too much dedication.
I just enjoy it. and I want to keep it platonic, without shit blowing up in my face like it did last year.
I don't want to hurt anyone. and I'm just going to redirect all that energy into something productive/profitable.
I'm good with kids. I can't help that.
I think I am still a child.
I was listening to a youtuber earlier today. One of those 4chan culture'd types. not really from 4chan. or from around here. but he's got that tone. He was talking about the cycle of relationships. Where the butterflies start and stuff.
I just don't have the opportunity for that to happen.
Sure, I'm going to the gym now, and I'm going to be out and about, but I just don't see that happening for me. and it might be just me, how I am right now. I'm really damaged by my break up and how it all went down.
Being attracted to children is a very confusing experience. Because there's a lot I'm not attracted to.
I'm going to really start pacing out my life. With the advances in medicine, we'll live longer. I don't need to rush anything. I can learn everything by the time I'm 40 and still feel like I'm 25. Plus I got those genes.
It's easier for me now to just do little bits at a time without getting frustrated with myself about how slow this is fucking going.
And about what that means for my solution. Well, it's MY solution. Which is the first problem. People aren't going to take to it unless I'm really anonymous and they don't know who I am. Society is suffering from a gigantism problem. I've got a solution for that. but at the same time, I could go for a little bit of civil unrest. I'd be okay with that. That'd be my opportunity to take up my position.
I always think the FBI could be watching. or some leet hackers.
I'm not worried about that though. I don't think anyone wants to van me. I don't think anyone could knock me out of commission for too long.
Burning everything away over the past year has been good. No more dead weight. I can actualize my vision now.
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No.773
Went to the gym again. day 2
Dicked around more
no routine yet
I wonder if the testosterone will cure my pedophilia
Feels good to go.
Waiting for some stuff to download now. and then I can get back to work.
Still feels like I'm gonna be alone for a while.
Matched with another fat bitch.
Got a pretty black girl too.
oh wow. both replied.
welp
my shit finished downloading.
I should get back at these tutorials.
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No.774
been losing interesting talking to LG's on tiktok
I need to keep the account though. It'll be worth it eventually.
no common ground at all.
that'll happen when I create that ground
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No.775
>>774
It's good though.
It means I'm not predatory.
Furthest I've ever gotten into a conversation with a girl.
She's ugly and fat though.
Practice
The pretty black girl was receptive.
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No.776
Fuck being black though
All you ever get is 2nd and 3rd rate white girls.
Really. Just fuck this.
Fuck it even more because I know I'm going to like a white girl more than this black girl.
It fucking sucks.
Can't wait for genetic engineering to completely change all this shit
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No.780
I think I'm just looking for someone to cheer me up
I hate being black
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No.781
fuck. even wag cost $25.
and they need a background check.
fiuck
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No.784
I can't even think of what to code next.
I don't know how to go about figuring this out.
But I think I can try something.
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No.785
Maybe I'm trying to take on too much for this next step
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No.786
I'll take a different approach.
Simplify. Make it easier on myself
Depression is severe
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No.787
All I can do is lift for now..
That's all I know how to do right now. Everything else is fleeting
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No.788
I'm just gonna put it all into exercise.
I am totally destroyed right now.
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No.789
I have to do my insurance
I have to do my reimbursement
Can't forget that tomorrow
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No.790
It's possibly the weed withdrawals.
I can't smoke anymore.
My emotions are out of wack.
Maybe not my intellect, not directly, but my emotions are totally unstable
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No.791
I just went to the gym.
Did some random shit. Forgot about some exercises. Lost count. Lost track. Just did enough.
Going to bring paper and pen next time and also divide my workout into an A and B day.
Am I just a pedo because dating apps (life) cater to white people? And the only white girls (top tier, harsh truth) that would even entertain me are underage?
After the workout, I became more okay with this racial disparity. It still hurts a lot. Especially the way my ex-wife did me.
I think if I just keep working out and focusing on my project I'll be fine.
I'm getting back into the support community too. It's not as bad thid time
Still getting hunger strikes 😫 every now and then
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No.792
>>791
Not every now and then. Literally after I work out. See. I'm not thinking straight. I'm gonna have to spend all day cooking once I wake up
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No.793
first attractive white girl on bumble
hasn't actually chosen to speak to me yet.
not even sure what I'd say
dating apps really aren't my thing
i liked having my own domain
that's what i need to get back to. owning my own venue.
i'm just a damaged alien. i've got to stop trying to be a normi
i always try to be a normi.
i need to accept how alone I am going to be.
i need to get a new phone. i want to cut off everyone from before. even family. that's fine.
i need to be truly detached from everyone.
I'm sick of the way they make me feel.
their weak ways of thinking, the thottiness of my x.
how badly she wanted marriage and now she just wants the single life
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No.794
asking me if I'm okay all the time doesn't help me be ok
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No.795
i just want to get through this tutorial. build this shit out… and feel competent again.
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No.796
inch by inch.
just fucking be patient
I've actually already done a lot. i just have to learn a lot of shit
so much random shit that makes this slow.
I have no idea where technology is going.
tried to figure out the relevant shit i need to keep.
i've got to build a stronger mind
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No.797
i don't understand meditation at all. i've got to try i suppose
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No.798
new computer. gotta set up my environment and shit.
holy fuck
yeah. i need to re-ground my knowledge. i feel like a total flake
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No.799
am i seriously getting hungry again? fuck me
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No.800
i think i'm losing my mind and it feels like there's very little i can do about it
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No.801
at this point, i'm starting to think jail would be good for me.
i need to totally reboot
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No.802
changing phone number
dropping family.
bank account
twitter
coinbase
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No.803
24 more minutes of this fuckign tutorial and i can fucking finally go to the gym to blow off some fucking steem. fuck this so much
i need to buy and hdmi cable and an extra monitor, sick as fuck switching around between windows.
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No.804
>>802
also my google account
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No.805
holy shit… 19 more minutes. only fucking 5 minutes have passed in this video
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No.806
the hunger is reassuring. at least i know my workout is doing something
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No.807
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No.808
I need to stop trying to be a normi.
I'm going to be so alone.
Even with the money and power
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No.809
I hate when people ask me if I'm okay
Especially my mom, sister and x
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No.810
My father didn't have a father figure
So it was hard for him to teach me.
I'm not a fucking pedo
That shit can change.
I was just raised with weakness about women
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No.811
thinking about my marriage is hard
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No.812
it would have happened anyway
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No.813
i could have been so much better if i just had someone to talk to .
if i would have just gotten therapy earlier
people wouldn't have the chance to know this about me.
i'm destroyed. the rest of my life is ruined
i'm nothing more than a nigger slave for the rest of eternity.
they'll always just say i'm a pedo. shut up pedo
i tried so hard to be normal
i blocked my wife now
she can no longer send me text or try to get at me emotionally.
it's become overwhelming.
i'm paying $450 in child support. no court order.
i know the court is just going to make it more because life is just shit.
i fucking hate everything about being black
for a good fucking reason
but society will just say "oh, just love yourself" when no one on fucking tinder or bumble will. and of course black people will hate me. when they obviously struggle with the same shit
how the fuck am i not getting anyone on these apps. not even on the black dating app
i need to get out this weekend. maybe.
i don't know where to go. everything will cost to much. i need to save money.
the gym has been good. but i'm still lonely.
there are nice girls there, but they've all been working out for a while now. i just got started.
what the hell do i look like just talking to them?
a black guy talking a white girl.
people say "oh that's still taboo" no.
no it's not taboo. they just don't fucking want us.
and i unironically only get paired up with fat chicks if any on these stupid apps.
i feel like i'm at a dead end.
the $450 will be nothing if I can just make more money.
i need that to surge through me.
i feel like i can make the money. i really do.
this is going to be so hard.
no one else is doing what i'm doing.
no one else will understand what i've been through.
i've tried so hard.
i'm not wanted.
if I was just white.
if I was just white
I have everything else. just enough at least. but if I was just white. I wouldn't be alone
i wouldn't have to look into the void when thinking about my future.
I don't even hate the way i look. it's just that people don't like blacks.
white girls especially. and i hate it.
everything about it.
i need money.
i need to find a good fun place to go to. where it makes sense for me to be going.
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No.814
I wouldn't be a pedo if my childhood wasn't so fucking broken.
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No.817
I need to stop coming here
I need to start getting serious.
I need to build my own place
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No.818
and start forging my own people
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No.820
Everything is there for people to find out who i am.
i'm not hiding.
everything i laid out is just a fuse
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