/blog/ - Your own personal blog

I want to kill myself but unironically. I wish there was some way I could do it without my family knowing but I realize that it would actually benefit them in the long run and initiate some much needed change in all of their lives, maybe for the worse at first but for the best in the end. I'm 20 but I really don't feel like seeing what's in it for me, I don't want to go on and I hardly have the energy or dignity to get up out of bed during the day and do much of anything besides watch anime or something. I don't know how I got to this point but I know I've felt this way for as far back as I can remember. I don't want to take any goddamn medication, I've read far too much on the permanent detrimental effects that could transpire, then again one could argue that if I want to kill myself then what's the harm anyway, but I still don't want to take them. My mom is sending me to another country where I have wealthy family with major connections to hopefully try to start again somewhere new, eventually go to college there and whatnot, but nothing has worked out so far and I'm dreading it just another massive disappointment. I'm going to try and expect nothing but I can't help but hope, I think it's in my nature. I've always had big dreams.