>>25556
I feel like I have no reference for what reality is at this point.
People talk about the importance of family and support, and I play along and talk about visiting my family, but when I do none of my family really talks to eachother. My dad sits on the couch watching "top ten" youtube videos on an ipad and my mom watches TV. I don't claim to be an overly supportive or interesting person myself, but even trying to broach anything about their lives, my life, current affairs, media that we've both seen they usually just give empty responses like "good" or "I don't know". The few times that my parent's emptiness have led me to vocalize my lack of hope in a future or the disconnection I feel they also just disconnect and so "oh okay, I don't know".
People talk about all of these experiences they have outside of work that change their worldview or that they really enjoy, like travelling, hiking, various social activities, and I just can't understand. I travelled to a few locations in Europe in a last ditch hope that things would be somewhat different but all I saw was the same rampant consumerism and tourism that I see elsewhere. My airbnb roommates were vapid fat sluts who I couldn't even have a brief conversation with, all they want to do is "partyyy". My belgian airbnb host was a somewhat quirky french lady who liked to talk about how eating grapes with the seeds is best for health since that's where the vitamins are. NYE in Brussels was boring and overcrowded, the crowd barely even danced and basically just stood there staring at the stage. Everything is either a tourist attraction or basically the same as my home, and the people aren't really different either. Yet my friends who subsequently went on similar trips seem to call it the greatest thing they've done with their life - while not being able to describe anything that seems truly interesting.
Apparently Tinder works for a lot of people, but even when I do get matches I find myself bored so god damn quickly. Every minute of conversation is a chore. But conversation is supposed to be what people enjoy?? I don't know.
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