So i've been a perverted suicidal child since i can remember, i already wanted to be dead in primary school, i just played vidya and watched tv all day. I didn't have a true friend until middle school, and just like most people that spend a good part of their life as loners, i immediately mistook our friendship for a chance to have a relationship. We did, it was very spontaneous, somehow we were already touching each other the first week, she gave me oral and even left a hickey on my neck. If i had to recall my favorite moments with her it would be her telling me the things i made her feel, ever since then no one told me their heartbeat increases when they are near me, or that if it wasn't for me she would have killed herself.
Looking back at it, i can see why she didn't want to talk to me anymore, hell i wouldn't talk to me at that age. I was way too much focused on her, i literally couldn't really do anything, i just wanted to be with her all the time, i have never loved my family. Afterwards i couldn't hold friendships for any longer than a month, then i became bored and didn't feel like going. She hurt me so bad sometimes, and i enjoyed being berated, it's a strange feeling to cry for how cruel she was to me sometimes. She once pretended she wanted to be back with me, then next day told me it was just a test because her psychology professor told her boys are more likely to say yes to a relationship. She would tease me, she would tell me about a guy who wanted to have sex with her, she probably did. We stop and start talking from time to time, each time she is more distant to me, she is nothing like she used to be, which is expected, neither am i. She once even offered sex to me, she is quite aware that she causes me great pain, and she was having personal problems so i guess she wanted to make me happy. I didn't want to, i mean i did want to have sex with her, but it felt wrong. Anyway, even though i said yes, she told me she wasn't virgin and i simply told her i didn't want to because i am a fucking idiot. It wasn't because she was not "pure" or any of that bullshit, i just wanted my first time with her to be also her first time, an experience, and even though i still regret it i feel it was for the best to not have that be our last encounter.
Finally, i started following her on instagram again, i'm waitiPost too long. Click here to view the full text.