So basically I'm like this:
>grew up extremely soft, emotional daydreamy, into "different things"
>heavily bullied
>emotionally abusive mother, emotionally distant dad
>pray every night to wake up as a girl when I was 12
>feeling never went away
>bad at sports and anything boyish
>today I'm 26, fat, balding, completely unmasculine and I simply do NOT have it in me, AT ALL. I can't even name one masculine hobby that I would enjoy. Unless we talk about feelings, I get 0 enjoyment from talking to my male friends
>hate all man clothes
>hate everything manly about myself
>still repressing the urge to become a lifelong pharma addicted eunuch
>get addicted to other things instead, cycle between being clean and then getting right back to them
Nothing ever worked. Repressing made me the most horrible, reprehensible and unlovable person imaginable. I hate myself from the bottom of my heart.
Becoming a tranny would be worse, probably… But at this point I'm incredibly close to giving it a go.
If you're wondering about sexuality, I like women ….(and trannies)… almost exclusively, with a thing called AGP meta attraction to men, which I don't recommend looking it up. The less you know about these terms, the better it is for you, I believe.