>Mantis waifu
I gotta find a way to not end up like the mate of a real mantis.
>Be me
>Live alone in hunting lodge
>Find out about waifu coming in 2 days
>Hastily drive to nearest town to visit the library
>Grab every book and manual centered around self-defence and combat
>Dude with trucker hat and sunglasses gazes at me and starts to follow me
>The dude gives me a bag of sand, saying it will prove useful in whatever I'm preparing for
>Accept it and stuff it in my pocket to stop him from following
>Stop by sports store to find arm guards claiming to be cut-resistant
>Enter another store and take time buying transparent duct tape and bug spray
>Drive back home and spend the rest of the day reading all of my combat books and manuals
>Day 2
>Go outside
>Find a deer and axe-kick its back in half
>Get into fight with bear, block all of its swipes with arm guards, and put it into headlock
>Holy shit, I feel like Bruce Lee
>Get back to lodge and cover up all doorways in the living room with clear duct tape
>Attach bug spray can and leftover tape on belt, adjust arm guards, and wait on other side of duct tape barrier
>Just as I check my watch, a portal materializes and cute mantis waifu steps out
>She turns around and her cold eyes dig into me with bloodlust
>Point at her and yell
"Give me all you got!"
>Bug chick only replies with silence and rapidly jumps towards me, only to get caught by my duct tape barrier
>She falls down covered in tape with her quick jerking only wrapping herself more and more
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