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File: 9ec3ed79a387242⋯.jpeg (72.02 KB,552x478,276:239,EBB99361-45FC-44A9-97F0-3….jpeg)

b34856 No.349065 [Last50 Posts]

There’s good news and bad news.

The good news is that in 48 hours, your waifu will appear in the most central room of your home that can fit her through a recent development in teleportation magic from the other realm.

The bad news is that you must be present when she appears, and when she does she will be put into a murderous frenzy for 5 minutes as a side effect of the new magic.

How do you prepare and plan to survive?

____________________________
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dc09a8 No.349071

>get family out of the house

>climb into attic

>keep attic door open and poke my head out so her attention is focused on me and she doesn't leave the house in search of other people to harm

>wait 5 minutes and then send the ladder down

My home = my castle

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b34856 No.349072

>>349071

What species is she? What’s to stop her from just getting chairs or a drawer and climbing up to you or just annhilating your ceiling?

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dc09a8 No.349074

File: 403c1d323817600⋯.jpg (673.52 KB,1061x1261,1061:1261,Manticore_1.jpg)

>>349072

Even in a homicidal rage I doubt she'd be able to destroy my ceiling. If she tries climbing/flying up then I'd just bring a broom handle up with me for some solid discouragement.

Then once the five minutes is up I'd be more than happy to fall into her clutches.

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b34856 No.349081

File: adfe369c91fdc45⋯.jpeg (123.72 KB,1050x900,7:6,8611A4ED-A45F-4E1E-A272-9….jpeg)

>>349074

I think you’re underestimating the strength and combat ability of a manticore if you think you can hold her off with a broom for 5 minutes.

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55a8d8 No.349082

>waifu is a Dormouse

Lace some cheese with a sedative, shove it into her mouth and close the door.

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77ce31 No.349083

File: 78a5ce87b33fea2⋯.jpg (48.82 KB,573x600,191:200,573px-Ushi-Oni103.jpg)

>Enters a murderous rage for the next five minutes

Oh boy… I guess make a barrier out of furniture around the area she will appear. Then, after she is summoned, I'm booking it to my car.

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dc09a8 No.349085

>>349083

>barrier of fruniture

Nigger unless your sofa is made of reinforced concrete I doubt that's going to hold her for more than three seconds

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b431f2 No.349088

File: 8dc935cd23fce1e⋯.jpg (43.84 KB,500x324,125:81,24913226_5ba7c63064.jpg)

File: c5d21be0f95cf6f⋯.jpg (825.34 KB,1903x576,1903:576,DFCStore01.jpg)

>>349065

>waifus a White snek

Lower the temperature to 40 degrees, so I don't kill her. Then get as many fans as possible. Turn them on 20 minutes before she comes so they are all working at full capacity, then just sit behind a fortified room, with nothing but industrial fans blowing while wearing a coat.

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b431f2 No.349090

>>349085

Get in a car near the room when she comes, then drive. DON'T FUCKING STOP.

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d93dc9 No.349091

File: 01283f4b20cd527⋯.jpg (111.23 KB,900x863,900:863,01283f4b20cd5272946481efdd….jpg)

>>349065

how close do I have to be? in the room she appears in, or will somewhere in the house be fine? I'd pile up all the booze in the house right next to where she'll show up, and hide as far away as I can without messing up the magic.

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77ce31 No.349092

>>349085

It's the best I can do. An ushi is immune to pain, so dropping nails or broken glass won't work. I am completely aware that any barricade will by me a few seconds at most, and my car won't guarantee my safety. God, why do I like dangerous girls so much? I could probably lock away a kikimora.

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1452a9 No.349093

>salamander waifu

I would collect plenty of steel bars to scatter them all over the room and pick them up one by one as a weapon to block her sword. Maybe toss in a few rakes for slapstick comedy.

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b34856 No.349095

>>349088

So long as you’re in the same room, it works. You can have a massive barricade and it will still work so long as you’re in the room.

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a55596 No.349098

File: a5b3767452c3453⋯.jpg (34.42 KB,388x443,388:443,b3c654e50060b3238ee3048593….jpg)

well I was itching to buy a new gun anyway, I guess I could get a tranq gun.

A true strelo/k/ doesn't run from danger, especially if it is his manticore wife.

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b431f2 No.349102

File: dab6fddfb06b4de⋯.jpg (384.1 KB,2560x1600,8:5,steamworkshop_webupload_pr….jpg)

>>349092

Use fire.

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b431f2 No.349103

>>349095

I win then.

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b34856 No.349106

>tfw shoggothfag and all the time spent arguing about why shoggoths are better has made me realize the hopelessness of my scenario

>>349103

Not necessarily. Shirohebi are adept with water magic and the cold will only slow her down. I don’t know how strong shirohebi are, but pray she doesn’t have the strength of a firehose or greater.

>>349098

Tranquilizers have a very large variable of time until they are effective often taking several minutes. However if you provide a lethal amount you can probably subdue her within the 5 minutes and keep her alive if you are careful and carry an antidote.

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b431f2 No.349112

File: d2e26e7dfed5482⋯.jpg (27.93 KB,663x347,663:347,Man-Fan.jpg)

>>349106

What about this fan? Also the temperature will be below 32 degrees, and lamia are coldblooded?

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a55596 No.349114

File: c273e18a9d1aa41⋯.jpg (42.04 KB,761x563,761:563,c273e18a9d1aa4160715749e42….jpg)

>>349106

>Tranquilizers have a very large variable of time until they are effective often taking several minutes. However if you provide a lethal amount you can probably subdue her within the 5 minutes and keep her alive if you are careful and carry an antidote.

she will start feeling it quickly though, and it will slow her down until it is nap time. Besides, if it doesn't work out, death by waifu is one of the better ways to go.

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b431f2 No.349115

>>349114

What about a semi-automatic tranquilizer gun. Is that a thing?

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dc09a8 No.349116

>>349114

>she appears

>you take aim with the tranq gun

>she fires a spine at you

>you're high as fuck on manticore venom and she's strung out on tranquilizer

Solid plan, /k/-kun

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b34856 No.349117

>>349112

>that fan

If you can receive that fan within 48 hours and fit it in your home, it certainly will be effective.

>below 32 degrees, and lamia are coldblooded?

That’s why I said it will slow her down. I can’t find how snakes react to sudden cold though, so maybe she’ll stop dead in her tracks.

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a55596 No.349118

File: 2d1303f2cff26fa⋯.jpg (462.57 KB,1980x1400,99:70,Ain't war hell da ze~.jpg)

>>349115

we can make it a thing, we might even make it fully semi-automatic.

>>349116

well, it was a planned purchase once the waifu is real. I'll sneak some of her spines and milk the venom, load them into darts, and we can have a venom fight in the woods once she wakes up.

I never claimed to be sane

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b34856 No.349119

>>349115

A semiautomatic only means he can get more shots off, the real factor is the dosage applied, and with a semi it may end up being too lethal.

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dc09a8 No.349120

File: 6e3fc1b0fd37b3d⋯.jpg (143.88 KB,833x973,119:139,displeased tailpussy.jpg)

>>349118

>be me

>manticore

>about to head through the portals to husbando planet

>the head lich said something about it making us hyperaggressive for five or so minutes so I hope hubby's preparing

>portal opens

>here goes nothing

>step through

>arrive inside a building

>immediately feel the homicidal rage flaring up, oh shit I hope I don't kill him

>all the fucking lights are off for some reason

>can smell, ew, some kind of metal oil everywhere

>movement out of the corner of my eye

>turn around just in time to get some sort of stinging impact right in the tit

>what the fuck is this thing?

>pull it out

>it's some kind of dart with a metal tip and oh shit it's a tranquilizer d-

>wake up

>outside now somehow

>tail missing some spines

>look around, see woodland

>no fucking clue where I am

>husband nowhere to be seen

>mfw the others are probably already having sex by now

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b431f2 No.349121

>>349106

Shoggoth. Is there any anti-eldritch devices, incantations, also does magic work when she arrives. If so, then you can use some magic.

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a55596 No.349124

File: 9d1a3eda9c302c4⋯.png (314.8 KB,358x473,358:473,1462603687391.png)

>>349120

you forgot about her hearing muffled a nu cheeki breeki i v damke in the distance.

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b34856 No.349125

>>349121

Once the event starts magic will slowly begin to work its way into reality. However magic based mamono will carry their mana with them, so they have a sort of “battery” to start. The problems for me though are: 1. it will be very weak once she arrives, 2. no one knows anything about it, so I can’t learn it and 3. my personal affinity for magic could be between zilch and grand wizard.

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b431f2 No.349126

>>349124

He's hiding in the forest then, so start stalking.

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b431f2 No.349131

>>349125

If she is Lovecraftian, and you know somewhere to find some Lovecraft works, then you can use it. I mean this is the normal human world, so get goin finding some anti-shoggoth things

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3f4d5b No.349132

File: 9460ab69e1b498d⋯.png (174 KB,338x445,338:445,4059687.png)

>>349065

I'm either incredibly screwed or have nothing to worry about. Suppose it depends on how much I clutter up my main room with things to stop her from moving about. Either way, hiding the pets in the house somewhere else.

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b431f2 No.349133

>>349117

So, am I in the clear

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b431f2 No.349134

>>349132

Use human shields when you are running away.

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b34856 No.349138

>>349133

Too many variables to say. Layout of your home, placement of fan, weight of snek, strength of snek + strength of snek magic, how snek in cold is handled. You would probably make it if you book it in a car with all these delays. Hope your bank account survives the aftermath and cleanup. Also remember you need to warm her up asap when it’s over so she doesn’t die.

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48feef No.349139

What if you have no waifu? Let's say hypothetically you are Normalfag scum who prefers real women, but enjoys the concepts provided by /monster/?

Asking for a friend. What would come out of the portal?

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d944db No.349140

>>349139

An alp. But the kicker is the homicidal 5 minutes is extended indefinitely.

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1c7920 No.349142

File: 776e2d9dcf31979⋯.png (30.01 KB,1361x770,1361:770,Anubis is pissed776e2d9dcf….png)

>Buy a taser and some zip-ties

>Make her ride the rail imminently as she she enters the home

>Tie her and take her to my room

>Fuck her calm

This will be very difficult since 5+ family members who hate me would also be home.

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dc09a8 No.349144

>>349139

>no waifu

Shit son it looks like you're getting alped

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b431f2 No.349145

>>349138

Still worth it.

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b431f2 No.349147

>>349140

Put him in <insert group of people you hate>

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3f4d5b No.349150

File: 38d551d64d937b2⋯.png (239.45 KB,775x1010,155:202,WAH HA HA HA.png)

>>349134

>Human shields

Well, there's enough people that need purging that I'd not feel remorse for if they bit it. It's a good plan

>>349140

>Homicidal alp

Pic related

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57b3f6 No.349152

>>349142

That seems needlessly complicated. Why not just buy a couple of crates of Legos and empty them into the room she'll be appearing in?

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48feef No.349153

>>349140

Note to self. Avoid portals.

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b34856 No.349155

File: c17fb16390739ae⋯.png (135.01 KB,580x460,29:23,2B0993B4-E642-4142-AE1F-E1….png)

>>349152

The objective isn’t to kill her you maniac

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57b3f6 No.349158

>>349155

What? I'm sure she'd stop playing with them once she got hungry enough.

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b34856 No.349164

File: d1e10ca17be8848⋯.png (594.51 KB,1136x640,71:40,4789A6F4-945E-4BE0-966A-A2….png)

>>349158

She will be too busy stepping on them while trying to kill you to play.

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d26389 No.349166

>>349131

Nothing can save the shogfags.

It was the utter, objective embodiment of the fantastic novelist’s ‘thing that should not be’; and its nearest comprehensible analogue is a vast, onrushing subway train as one sees it from a station platform—the great black front looming colossally out of infinite subterraneous distance, constellated with strangely coloured lights and filling the prodigious burrow as a piston fills a cylinder.

But we were not on a station platform. We were on the track ahead as the nightmare plastic column of foetid black iridescence oozed tightly onward through its fifteen-foot sinus; gathering unholy speed and driving before it a spiral, re-thickening cloud of the pallid abyss-vapour. It was a terrible, indescribable thing vaster than any subway train—a shapeless congeries of protoplasmic bubbles, faintly self-luminous, and with myriads of temporary eyes forming and unforming as pustules of greenish light all over the tunnel-filling front that bore down upon us, crushing the frantic penguins and slithering over the glistening floor that it and its kind had swept so evilly free of all litter. Still came that eldritch, mocking cry—“Tekeli-li! Tekeli-li!” And at last we remembered that the daemoniac shoggoths—given life, thought, and plastic organ patterns solely by the Old Ones, and having no language save that which the dot-groups expressed—had likewise no voice save the imitated accents of their bygone masters.

—H.P. Lovecraft, At the Mountains of Madness

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b431f2 No.349168

>>349166

No….I mean to delay her for five minutes. I know you can't. Wait what.?

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b34856 No.349174

>>349166

While I don’t think KC intended the shoggoth to be greater than the size of a subway train, she is a crawling pool of liquid knives, hammers and acid.

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5e92ad No.349175

File: da83041b21031a9⋯.png (3.12 MB,1575x2466,175:274,dragon snek waifu.png)

>let my dogs and cat with a family memeber

>leave the doors open and engine running

>make a hiding spot near the front door

>wait

>run like i've never ran before

>pretty sure i'm fucked regardless of what i do

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b431f2 No.349176

>Be me

>Doing fuck all in my house son a Saturday

>Get a message on my phone

>Your waifu will come to you in 2 days. She will come to you through a portal. You must be here when she arrives

>Is this real

>Immediately assume it's a joke

>2 hours later I get another message with a scale

>Okay, I'm less doubtful

>Receive a squirrel from a portal

>lil' shit tried to claw me until it stopped after 5 minutes

>Okay I'm on board

>Receive the next message

>Shirohebi

>Instantly remembered what it means

>Nice, kind, devoted

>Yet she will try to kill me with all her might for 5 minutes when she arrives

>FUCK ME

>Immediately go to buy a hovercraft and every fan in the area

>My wallet is crying as I speak from the buying

>Also buy a massive heater

>Well since I'll chill her, and she's coldblooded, I gotta

>I don't want to kill my waifu. Also prison isn't nice

1 DAY LATER

>My house is cold, everything is on, my bill is through the roof, and I have everything ready

>Remember that she has magic

>Plan to get in car if the plan fails

>Have timer for the 5 minutes of hell

>20 minutes left

>Pray to god 5 times so I don't become a fucking pile of meat after this

>5 minutes left

>The heavy fan from that hovercraft is full steam

10

9

8

7

6

5

4

3

2

1

>Portal opens and she arrives

>Turn on timer

>Massive snek arrives

>Everything I imagined her to be: white hair, fair complexion, and a hot body

>She is confused then…

>She notices me

>My face literally is pale at this moment

>She instantly tried to use her tail to get me crushed

>Dodged it but she pulls it back

>Dodge that as well

>Head fast into the building

>She follows with a fury

>1 minute already in

>God help me

>Get in and turn on the massive fan

>She heads into the room

>The temperature is making her dizzy but still motivated

>Up the power at 1/4

>She struggling but still moving closer and closer

>Up at 1/2 of full power

>Get's pushed back but her eyes say otherwise

>Uses some spell to try and blast fan

>Misses but hits wall damaging parts of the house and the fan

>Not at 3/4th full power as I hoped

>2 minutes in, this will be easy

>She uses her body to propel herself to the fan.

>FUCK

>Fan is broken from her throwing herself

>2 minutes 27 seconds in

>Didn't even think about it

>Run throughout the building, she breaks a wall to find me

>Get out fast

>Head to car and try and find keys

>See her psycho face

>Turn on you son of bitch

>Did get moving

>Stepped on it

>1 minutes 43 seconds left

>Head into main road of suburbs

>58 seconds left

>Almost cheer, then

>I hit her instanly

>NO NO NO

>She moderately hurt, but my car's wrecked from the impact

>More money down the drain

>28 seconds left

>I leave the car, she bruised as hell. Some bones might be broken

>I cry cause in my attempt at a waifu, I might've killed her

>15

>Oh god

>14

>13

>12

>Please don't die on me

>10

>9

>It can't end like this

>7

>6

>I'm not letting it end like this

>5

>4

>3

>1

>My alarm rung, and phone receives a message

>"Well done. Don't worry, she can take worse than what you did"

>Immediately grab her up from it

>Damn she heavy, but I still do it anyway

>She's freezing but still alive

>"ehhhhhhh…"

>"It's alright. I got you."

>I reg…no……I don't

>I use the car as a massive heater for her

>She starts to regain consciousness

>"Wh……who are you"

>Don't know what to say

>I blurt "I'm your lover"

>She holds my hand tight

>"Really"

>I respond

>"Yeah, really"

>My car is ruined, but fuck it.

>My house as well

>I'm in debt, have a ruined house, and a uncertain future

>She's worth it. She's worth all of it.

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d944db No.349178

File: 89e6bc30c21b122⋯.png (4.37 KB,99x171,11:19,anubis u wot.png)

>>349153

>>349139

>Asking for a friend

>"note to self"

Boyo, who're you tryin' to bamboozle?

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876f80 No.349181

>>349132

>Alice is your waifu.

No worries.

Step 1: Hang up some posters from ghost-related movies around the house and throw a white bedsheet over yourself like you're some Scooby Doo villain pretending to be a ghost.

Step 2: Set out a veritable buffet of delicious and exotic foods around the house.

Step 3: Try to find some plush dolls that look like foxes or kitsunes and distribute them around the house in easy to see places.

The fox and kitsune dolls will probably draw aggro, especially if she is too crazed to tell that they are fakes. Alice is Alice, so no matter how much of a bloodrage she is in, she's too much of a foodie to pass up new dishes. If those distractions do not buy you enough time, the ghost disguise will spook her enough that she won't be able to attack you.

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dc09a8 No.349192

File: 621ac3012717863⋯.jpg (709.2 KB,820x953,820:953,Manticore_2.jpg)

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93179b No.349193

File: 05f967b31fd59e6⋯.png (76.48 KB,888x888,1:1,wadina davis beedina editi….png)

>>349139

>Normalfag scum who prefers real women, but enjoys the concepts provided by /monster/?

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48feef No.349197

File: 14fb7eedcefc44e⋯.jpg (9.04 KB,240x157,240:157,OhNoes.jpg)

>>349178

I've been discovered.

Was curious to see what people would come up with if no pre-set species had been selected.

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92049e No.349206

>>349126

>>349120

>>349118

>>349116

>>349114

Manticore spines don't immoblize you they just make you incredibly horny while also giving you the biggest boner you can have in your life. If anything if you should be using horse tranqs. you are also more likely be fucking her unconcious body just to relieve the spine. Hope you like your manticore to wake up covered in your baby batter. [spoiler] she possible wouldn't mind it either [spoiler\]

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3feecf No.349207

File: b4131ab11cae5fe⋯.gif (4.97 MB,640x434,320:217,kiki S U P L E X.gif)

>Kikimora

>Arriving in kitchen

>Whole family will be home

Buy taser and two sets of handcuffs. Ask my parents to leave the kitchen, pay my sister because otherwise she won't listen. Put my dogs in the backyard. As soon as Kikimora arrives, zap her down and cuff her hands and feet, tie the two sets of cuffs together so she's essentially hogtied. Then bring her in my room, and put on one of those 10 hour videos of rain to try and get her to relax. Stroke her head and speak softly to her for five minutes until she's calm.

Then presto, a nice, calm Kikimora waifu.

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87ea0e No.349215

File: df19257310b901b⋯.jpg (60.09 KB,800x572,200:143,4ed32a14dd9405f0b8a512e699….jpg)

File: 2f84720b5069521⋯.jpg (78.16 KB,1065x1256,1065:1256,frsa_-_lifetec_cpr3.jpg)

File: 255d216a15858a7⋯.jpg (31.97 KB,640x639,640:639,ultrabond.jpg)

>>349207

Better method.

Get cpr doll, dress it up in some of your old clothing that smells like you. Then paint that shit HTK ULTRABOND 100 after that just hide near it and watch the hilarity.

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b431f2 No.349230

File: eae3e6b8ac26717⋯.jpg (77.24 KB,1068x379,1068:379,USA-2034.jpg)

>>349181

Here's a map for the aftermath of it all. In 2034

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d93dc9 No.349232

>>349166

Is this the final victory of the kikifags?

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b34856 No.349246

File: 67e5c2dcb17ae24⋯.jpeg (115.86 KB,960x880,12:11,C73C2A27-EE29-4662-A6A6-A….jpeg)

>>349232

Of course it isn’t. Shoggothfags may have a higher kill rate, but it just shows that those who do succeed were already better people, rather than the kikimora which is basically just handed out for free to anyone who knows how to subdue a human. It also shows the lack of power of kikis compared to Shogs.

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77ce31 No.349250

>>349083

Okay, after some thinking I have come up with a plan. If physical barriers don't work, I'm going to trick and drug the ever living shit out of her.

Fill my house with cameras, so I can see where she is and what she is doing. I'll need some smoke grenades, a fuckton of weed, sedatives, a gas mask, remote activated tape recorders, and I'll turn my amps onto a really loud metal song. I'll also park my car a ways away, out of sight and so she is unlikely to hear it. A few minutes before she appears, I'll burn the weed, which will hopefully slow her down. Just before she appears, I'll throw the smoke grenade, and then run before she realizes there is a person there. My footsteps will be masked by the music hopefully. I'd prepare some strong smelling food beforehand and lace it with the sedative, a lot so that it will take some time for her to get through it. By the time she is finished, (or if she ignores it) I'll activate the recorder I placed under the fridge, tell her that she won't get into my basement (which does not exist). She will either attack the fridge, or will try digging my floor out to try to get to me. While distracted, I'll get into my car and drive. Hopefully she will be distracted for a while, and if she does notice that my car leaving she will be too drugged to pursue me.

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d93dc9 No.349261

>>349246

>I could subdue a slavering, amorphous mass of teeth, madness, and doom

Sure thing buddy.

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57b0d5 No.349265

File: fa45c7cdd86dcab⋯.png (1.38 MB,2000x2500,4:5,60GJXwX.png)

File: 05550cd15795d8b⋯.jpg (641.04 KB,2366x2029,2366:2029,8b0dc7102f41b47d00be32445f….jpg)

File: 111e26b54489c22⋯.png (667.79 KB,1280x1024,5:4,1471975394434.png)

>Objective: Survive

First of all, defensive needs. Since I only need to hold out 5 minutes, that'll be my first priority. I've got a flak vest, old sports equipment and some motorbike helmets, that should let me live for a minute or so if she gets within melee range. Construction of Fort Kickass shall then commence, since raw strength isn't a manticore's strong suit. Final layer of defense would then be a beanbag round in the shotgun, which I'd prefer not to use seeing as how I'd like a waifu with hearing.

>first pic related: hospitals all around the world

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8ee283 No.349271

File: a0b6e47fb03fbcb⋯.jpg (765.61 KB,700x1000,7:10,AmethystConsole.jpg)

This is going one of two ways.

Possibility A: Cheshire

Objective: Out-meme the cancer cat

Plan: With luck, she's never seen (or more specifically, heard) a meme in her life, so we're going old-skool with this. Rick roll, trololo, cheeki breeki; you name it, I'll have it blasting out the speakers at max volume +1. To combat her feline nature, the living room is going to be filled with catnip balloons. In addition, I'll have a bin full of catnip oil balloons. She can't kill me if she's high as a kite. As a last resort, I'll be dual wielding canned air and a spray bottle. To top it off, I'll be wearing an inflatable dino costume.

Complications: She's well-versed in memeology. Best case, she's so confused by practically fossilized memes that I can apply the catnip before she kills me.

Possibility B: Kitsune

Tackle, grapple, blood-choke, and pray to the zippangu gods that she doesn't have the wherewithal to use magic on me. The dino costume isn't going to help in this case.

Complications: Magic. The faster I can KO her with a choke-hold, the less likely I am to be magiked to death.

Possibility C: Danuki

Enlist the help of a Jewish friend who's hobby is his money. Apply bag-o-money to the face (monopoly should work) and distract her with spreadsheets and ledgers.

Complications: She's actually his waifu (and he never knew). Now we have a simultaneous option A or B to deal with.

Plot Twist: All three, all at once. Apply deterrents ASAP, avoid errant magic, do best to dodge, duck, dip, dive, and dodge and hope that we all come out of it alive.

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1c7920 No.349272

File: c1fdedf693470ca⋯.mp4 (2.61 MB,854x480,427:240,Self Defense Situation.mp4)

>>349152

It is honestly the only way she wouldn't get a few .22s to her chest. Plus, I really just want to fuck her calm.

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e056ed No.349274

>Kikimora waifu

>Charge tazer

>Stop by liquor store for a bottle of everclear.

>Stop by harbor freight and get some bungee cord and zip ties.

>Ask manager for a day off.

>When the day arrives, put on my thicker clothes and my plate carrier.

>Prepare everything within reach in living room and wait.

>As soon as she appears, charge into her and pin her with my body weight + plates.

>Taze her.

>Try to put her in a strangle hold until she starts to pass out.

>Tie her limbs with bungee cord and zip ties. Taze again if needed.

>Force everclear down her throat to get her nice and drunk.

>Wait.

>Waifu acquired.

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33c9af No.349290

File: 80a98c4dbafb799⋯.jpeg (58.96 KB,600x600,1:1,31534B8F-52E7-4D74-8A5F-1….jpeg)

>Baphomet

>Physically strongest monster

>Best at magic as well

>Most likely brought a few witch subordinates who are also powerful at magic

I think I win the contest for “Most likely to be killed by their waifu”. Best I can do is fill the room with candy, coloring books, and stuffed animals to keep them distracted and to tell them big brother will be disappointed if you kill him. The ultimate taboo of making Onii-chan angry and disappointed at them could be powerful enough to dispel the rage.

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34f08c No.349293

>>349250

>weed grenades

Somebody stop this madman.

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dbdf4a No.349296

File: c61daabd290798b⋯.jpg (52.51 KB,800x450,16:9,800px-Wurm20.jpg)

Depends, how much digging power does a wurm have, cause my house was built over one of those bunkers from ww1? So I guess I could last 5 minutes.

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a36868 No.349297

File: afefa6913dd3beb⋯.png (552.03 KB,600x666,100:111,afefa6913dd3beb1b21db3c3ed….png)

My waifu is a HellHound. I would cover the floor in treats and squeeky toys. Then I would get a spray bottle and every time she approaches me I would give her a spritz. Should be an easy five minutes.

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7a78d6 No.349306

File: 5e3d95ab16eea07⋯.png (473.3 KB,640x480,4:3,Misgivings Mittermeyer.png)

>Dragon

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876f80 No.349307

File: 74a892aca6c43a9⋯.jpg (278.6 KB,600x450,4:3,spike_armor.jpg)

>Yeti.

I can put up with looking like I just stepped out of a Mad Max movie for 5 minutes. Come at me, snowpuff.

I might also try raising the indoor temperature a lot to see if that would mess with her and slow her down some.

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25a95d No.349317

File: 32e119d0eb73a62⋯.gif (14.3 MB,450x640,45:64,MOSHED-2018-4-3-4-2-16.gif)

well, i'm fucked, not entirely sure how much, but I am.

i'm really not quite sure the degree of the magic they can pull, since it's only implied to be high end stuff. and the best comparison is to draw from it's inspiration creature, The beholder, which does not paint a pleasant picture.

being able to hypnotize seems incredibly dangerous, but i'm thinking that might not come to mind, given that they are considered inherently antagonistic, but that could only mean shes even more dangerous. here's hoping that glasses/sunglasses/visors help against that.

And here's hoping that any sort of eye beams don't turn out like this:

>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYHfO7nBzq0

house in general is an older, not really reinforced building, and still owned by family. but i'd honestly cover every cent of damages, and if I die then w/e. not like I could care about much then. but I would sincerely doubt it could withstand abuse.

the room she would come in is probably one of three, which are probably kinda bad:

A)Kitchen three entrances, and three large windows, one being a skylight. biggest of the rooms, and probably the hardest to reinforce. very empty right now due to home improvements.

B)Living room. floor to ceiling windows on one wall. two entrance arches (one shared with kitchen) probably worst option, but technically smallest room.

C) Basement. best option, one entrance at the top of stairs, small, glass block windows at top of walls,which are made of the cement foundation. windows can be blocked from outside with dirt/gravel. access to electric, gas and water utilities/lines is there. could probably move a 5' tall safe in front of the door easily.

honestly, i'm not quite sure how to approach this, but I think i'd try to get her to appear in the basement, put up a bunch of eye irritant into the air,as well as strobe lights, and taunt that it's magic to bait out an antimagic cone that her inspiration has, as well as try to make it cold as fuck to maybe distract her about the environment. hopefully she doesn't try to burn anything

then I guess it's try to banter with them to at least get them to focus on arguing rather than killing. or maybe try to tranq her, but i'd be concerned about it hitting an eye and permanently scarring waifu.

honestly, outside of that best-case scenario, I got no clue, since who knows what sort of tricks she could pull out.

even if I succeed, i'd still be fucked anyway

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1aaef8 No.349324

>>349297

>spritzing a hellhound

Thank you anon, my sides are now in orbit

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ed0029 No.349336

>>349192

Good job, nigga.

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3f4d5b No.349342

>>349181

Hmmm. Time for a plan.

>Hide the critters I keep

>Dress up people that make up a certain list with 'I love kitsune' t shirts after inviting them over with false pretenses

>Clean out every confectionery in the city and scatter all the pieces all over the house

>Place airsoft guns with dango ammunition as sentries wherever I can

>Barricade myself in bedroom using a wall made of chocolate

>Stand ready with ghost posters on wall, sheet over self, clutching yet another airsoft gun loaded with dango

She removes the annoying people that cause me problems, and gets hungry doing it. Since I've made sure to scatter all the food in bite sized portions everywhere this is going to slow her down. Still going to use the ghost posters and scooby doo disguise just to be on the safe side, because we've all played MGQ and know what Alice can do. I need to cover all my bases.

Once the five minutes is up we can get to baby making practice

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f475d7 No.349343

>a ~450lb, 13-ft long snek is now on a murderous rampage inside my home

Would prayer work? Because I'm fugged otherwise.

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4a3795 No.349346

File: 381b56b85610d9f⋯.jpg (140.99 KB,800x800,1:1,hellhound repellant.jpg)

>>349297

What if she likes that though? You should use something that she's guarantied to want to avoid.

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9a7525 No.349358

>Honey badgergirl.

>I'm ten to the hundredth power of fucked.

>Buy as much pure (and local) honey as I can get.

>Buy some grubs, look up how to fry them with honey.

>Apples as well.

>A few big ass water melons.

>Poach a deer the night before, clean it and set it on a tarp in the middle of the room

>Wait in the crawlspace, rubber buck shot and slugs in my shotty.

>After six minutes, present myself with a gift of head pats and belly rubs.

>Offer to wash her in the bath as she has to be covered in honey, fruit bits, grubs and blood.

>>349250

Nah, don't do weed flower. Get hash or hash oil, like an ounce or so of high strength indica. Put it in an oil diffuser and set that in your air vents in a central point. Would recommend using distillate hash oil if possible, typically stronger THC content without sacrificing the terpine profile (terpines are almost as important as the THC is to get a desired effect).

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b34856 No.349359

File: 483ddda5abbde17⋯.jpeg (178.05 KB,600x617,600:617,F9941127-0503-425B-82FE-F….jpeg)

>>349261

Fuck you, here’s how I’m gonna do it in a few easy steps.

1. Locate specific point of entry

2. Acquire a paint bucket worth of epoxy, 4 .75m X 2m and 4 .75m X .75m sheets of inch thick aluminum oxynitride glass for incredibly tough and acid resistant container.

3. Several heavy duty vibration motors and chemical resistant cables.

4. Cut holes into the 2 .75X.75 sheets and knot the chemical resistant cable on one end of the glass and attach the other end to the other sheet onto the vibration motors.

5. Construct a “wire shower” for when she enters with the uncut .75X.75 sheets at the very top and bottom and the two cabled together to make a top and bottom within. Seal it all together with epoxy, then cut a small hole at the very top so air can escape once she arrives as not to explode the container and for collective “on” switch for vibration motors.

6. Put on hazmat suit and wait until there is 1 minute until arrival.

7. Activate operation “Wire Shower”

8. Overload her erogenous zone i.e. her with vibrating cables running throughout her entire body.

She will have to waste time cutting the cables, corroding the glass/epoxy or trying to reach and funnel herself through the small hole at the very top.

Of course I can always just hire another maid to become the target of her ire should she escape.

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fc8fec No.349360

File: 8090f56416ad66c⋯.png (776.65 KB,1024x1112,128:139,8090f56416ad66c416e5fc07f1….png)

>>349359

And how many shog lovers are going to be capable of doing this? I think you might be the only one left alive.

pic not related

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3f4d5b No.349363

>>349360

>Only people left alive after DotR are autists on /monster/ that prepped

Not too sure how I feel about this. On one hand it meas a lot of widows. On the other hand, survival of the fittest … etc

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0350e4 No.349365

Random scenarios:

>get notice that waifu is going to show up, probably in my living room

>spend next two days getting house tidied up

>night before waifu is supposed to show up, forget to set alarm

>wake up late, 10 minutes to waifu

>oh dammit

>take a quick shower and get dressed

>gotta be presentable

>3 minutes to waifu

>now for the important part

>get the coffee maker ready

>waifu should be here in 3,2,1…

>huh, I expected something more dramatic

>pour a couple cups

>go back to the living room

>make sure to step around the angry flopping mermaid on the floor

>spend the next 5 minutes looking her over

>>349359

>Of course I can always just hire another maid to become the target of her ire should she escape.

>hire maid

>shoggoth shows up

>shove maid into shoggoths path and run

>you now have two shoggoths assuming you survive

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fc8fec No.349367

File: fdede09a3dbae50⋯.png (345.78 KB,900x1100,9:11,9f8045b9a38e5ee9e9dc874e6c….png)

>>349365

So your sacrificing a 3DPD who was just doing her job just so you can have maybe 3 secs of life.

Who is the true monster here anon I ask you?

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b34856 No.349369

Also forgot another step.

>4.5. Set out large wooden base to epoxy the chamber to so it doesn’t tip.

>>349360

So long as they have a bit of strength or money for help and can take a loan, the other shogfags should be fine.

>>349363

It requires they 1. have a monster waifu and 2. be present in the room for it to occur, so the death toll probably isn’t as bad as you think.

>>349367

Don’t worry, I only search craigslist for the most 3DPD maid possible with the worst reviews to be bait.

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11298a No.349372

File: 6723461d63c29de⋯.jpg (49.02 KB,424x600,53:75,424px-DarkMage21b.jpg)

That would really depend on whether she would be able to use magic in her frenzy. If not I should be able to survive just fine without any out of the ordinary precautions other than clearing the room.

If she can use magic then things become a lot more complicated if not unsurvivable. Would a salt circle work? Would I have to take her down with some sort of less than lethal and if so would she still love me once she regains her senses?

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57b3f6 No.349388

>>349359

>>349369

> be femanon

> things are pretty rough

> not autistic enough for NEETbucks

> not normalfag enough to get a real job

> can't even get a hotel maid job

> reduced to freelance housekeeper

> irregular income, no benefits, no security

> can't even afford a uniform

> clients fit into one of two categories:

> first thinks you're a hooker

> usually send you away without paying once they realize you're there to literally polish their actual physical doorknobs

> second realizes comparative advantage in paying a freelancer rather than clean up something nasty themselves

> those jobs range from "this is why I don't eat before work" to "I think I should call the EPA"

> neither type gives you good reviews

> self esteem pretty low

> you've started to unironically browse /cuckquean/

> show up at latest job

> what a dump, looks like a Type II

> weird guy greets you at the door

> looks like the villain from a Lovecraft novel

> stalls you with awkward small talk

> maybe a Type I after all?

> been checking his watch a lot, suddenly hurries you inside

> Is that a summoning circle?!

> Shit. Looks like the hypothesized Type III

> "Hire maid to horribly murder her."

> really wish you had a gun right now

> there's an indescribable sound as what you know must be a portal opens and someTHING comes through

> really, really wish you'd listened to /k/

> feel a shove from behind and you stumble towards the mass of writhing tentacles

> last sane thought that goes through your mind is "That little nigger."

< you are interloper

< you are insult to true meidos

< but head maid is merciful

< she has enhanced you

< she will teach you

< first task: hold master so head maid may show him her love

< if you are very good head maid will let you help clean up after them

< why are you running master?

< hEAd mAid haS sO MucH LOVE tO gIVe YOU

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0350e4 No.349389

>>349367

>3DPD is just doing her job

>doesn't really find any enjoyment out of it

>it just pays the bill

>gets shoggified

>her job is now her favorite thing in life other than her master

These poor savage things will never embrace salvation.

I will have to rape it into them.

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d26389 No.349390

>>349359

For shogfags who can't get aluminum oxynitride glass in under 48 hours, I'd recommend thicker walls of fast-setting concrete.

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c9dc72 No.349392

>>349065

Joke's on her I won't be home in 48 hours.

I'm gonna have to pay the housesitter a bit extra though.

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b34856 No.349473

File: 528e3066bd27d3f⋯.jpeg (140.24 KB,628x954,314:477,120E7523-99EF-4D6B-A51E-3….jpeg)

I should probably note how she appears. The room selected will have a small “wisp” glowing at the spot she will appear. This is placed in the very centre of the room and usually involves her falling from a small height.

>>349372

As I said in >>349125 she will have magic, but it is limited. The limit probably won't make a difference unless she is casting only her biggest spells.

>>349390

Probably not going to work, mostly because you have to 100% enclose her initial location which will be pretty difficult using liquid concrete.

>>349392

If you aren’t present nothing happens.

>>349388

>>349389

Exactly. It’s a win “win” scenario.

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56a1ac No.349480

>>349473

In that case, if the portal fucks up and she misses the 48 hour mark by one or two weeks;

Buy more plates for my motorcycle gear, suit up, get the bike ready to launch and buy a cricket bat. I live in a nofuns country There isn't a single defenceable point from the centre of the house so as soon as she drops in I'll jam the bat into her belly and take off running. The gear should be enough to hold off the barrage of spines and I'll just have to outride her till the 5 minutes are up.

I hope I don't bash her gorgeous face in.

Said chase will possibly be followed by lots of hugging and apologising or she'll be cheeky and keep it going into the forest where me and my riding gear will be royally fucked

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d26389 No.349506

>>349473

Yeah, looking into it more, you'd want to use a combination of concrete blocks, fast-setting liquid concrete, and rebar formwork. Still, building a waterproof concrete box seems a lot more feasible in 48 hours than acquiring ALON sheets. In fact, the only way I've found to get ALON is a custom order from the manufacturers Surmet or American Elements.

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3f4d5b No.349526

>>349506

Shogfags can also make use of the elder sign, would stop the murderhobo feels. Same goes for anyone who's waifu'd a monster of lovecraftian design

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a02073 No.349537

File: 5dc9f73467d6254⋯.jpg (127.55 KB,637x1254,637:1254,1441832301916.jpg)

Faggots

I long for death at the hands of my waifu.

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d26389 No.349538

>>349526

Or it could make things worse. The signs in The Shadow over Innsmouth are symbols of the Old Ones, an epithet of the star-headed creators of the shoggoths. While these would repel the Deep Ones (the Old Ones owned all the oceans except R'lyeh), they would only encourage a shoggoth to attack you. It's unknown whether these signs are related to the Elder Sign from The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath, or if that Elder Sign has any effect on eldritch entities.

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b431f2 No.349563

File: 9d5532fa13e6233⋯.png (173.26 KB,2688x2688,1:1,9d5.png)

What would the aftermath be tho?

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3f4d5b No.349571

>>349563

>Wait out 5 minute murderhobo feels

After surviving the 5 minutes? The aftermath is gonna be a sweaty, sticky mess from loosening up your waifu's clamjam.

>>349538

Valid. A shame that using the elder sign could end up backfiring, and not like we can find out what would end up happening either. Back to the drawing board.

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3148d9 No.349576

>>349065

>you must be present when she appears

Why should I be there when she appears? Wouldn't it be a better idea to get far away from an extremely aggressive monster girl and wait for her 5-minute bloodzerker rage to end, especially if she is a larger species, or more magically inclined?

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3feecf No.349592

>>349576

Because otherwise she won't show up

I'd rather have a waifu that wants to kill me for the first 5 minutes after we meet than not have one at all, especially being given 48 hours to prepare

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d55c2c No.349603

>>349576

>not wanting to earn your waifu through murderbrawling and/or elaborate 'tism prisms

Look at this pleb.

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b34856 No.349628

File: b49cc8e52cf8a01⋯.jpeg (157.6 KB,1280x960,4:3,03F12D81-16F1-49BA-83D8-8….jpeg)

>>349506

A fair criticism, but how else am I supposed to embarrass her while pleasuring her?

I suppose if you wanted to cheap out you could also just get a ton of wooden sheets and force her to hack her way through layer upon layer of wood. Or brick her in.

>anon’s minotaur waifu to appear

>builds her a maze

>>349563

Steamy.

>>349576

It’s love magic, I aint got shit to explain.

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b431f2 No.349632

File: d9bfa56698023cb⋯.png (84.59 KB,600x600,1:1,d9bfa56698023cbb470a4337a9….png)

>>349628

What about having a fuckton of mirrors so that she will see you but far away?

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b431f2 No.349633

File: 0ace1a4347a120b⋯.png (174.96 KB,600x600,1:1,1495145246558.png)

>>349563

What about if she hurts you but doesn't kill you

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77ce31 No.349645

File: 429ab3cf7817b49⋯.png (238.81 KB,800x562,400:281,903487567830457348.png)

File: 6d1e05fd0bcafaf⋯.png (84.91 KB,740x599,740:599,740px-Kikimora66.png)

File: 8209287a85c26cd⋯.png (263.67 KB,600x600,1:1,600px-CheshireCat139.png)

>>349633

Extreme mamono guilt and depression. Nonsexually harming your husbando is a major taboo amongst monsters, so you will have to assure her that she isn't a terrible person for the next few days.

>Side affects of hurting your own husbando may include:

>Loss of magical control

>Loss of shape (slime based only)

>Loss of sleep (get help if dormouse)

>Self loathing

>An increase in obsession with tragedy (Almost always mermaids)

>Throwing oneself unhealthily into work (Worst sufferers are maids)

>Decrease in libido (amount may vary)

>Increased chances of alcoholism (not counting onis)

>Decreased desire to drink (only of concern in onis)

>A desire to be mature (among Sabbath members)

>Loss of desire to bully significant other (mainly occurs with dark elves and cheshires)

>Loss of desire to rape significant other

>Increased prayer and fasting (among followers of the Fallen God)

>Temporary mental shutdown (Common among anubis')

>Extreme changes in temperament (If a cheshire spends at least one hour without smiling, seek help)

>Self harm

>In rare cases, dismemberment (most often kitsunes with many tails)

>Worst case scenario, may commit suicide (worst sufferers include: oshimusha, kunoichi, shirohebi, and kikimoras. If any of these harm their lover, take them to a therapist immediately)

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b91a83 No.349653

File: ba5a12519204360⋯.jpg (294.16 KB,768x625,768:625,ba5.jpg)

This entire thread can be summed with this image.

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b91a83 No.349655

File: 8a309c945489400⋯.png (216.96 KB,600x600,1:1,0ace1a4347a120bb58ff6bc1d0….png)

>>349633

>>349645

What if she succeeds in killing you?

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b431f2 No.349658

>>349655

Worse things will follow that you couldn't even imagine.

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b431f2 No.349659

File: 7ad055f1d77c31f⋯.png (83.93 KB,500x348,125:87,7ad055f1d77c31fc8164c64e88….png)

>>349645

Jesus………..wasn't expecting that

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b91a83 No.349660

File: cf1cf0b32d75ceb⋯.jpeg (15.25 KB,1000x355,200:71,Introspection..jpeg)

>>349658

what? mass suicide? the seas will turn red? third impact?

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b431f2 No.349661

>>349660

Just don't let this happen. Either they all go insane, or they go and kill themselves. You want a bunch of lunatic ex-waifus with super strength and magic all around the country killing people and making the Purge look like a restrained event?

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b431f2 No.349662

Could someone do a story about a white snek who hurt the person after the portal?

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a3728d No.349664

File: 4bdf44357b013c7⋯.jpg (962.79 KB,1377x972,17:12,4f14f7f5b84374edfe7eded7c9….jpg)

Kinda conflicted on how to approach this. It's hard to gauge just how fast/powerful she'll be and how she can utilize her qi.

Option 1: Flee.

Rent an open bed truck and have a buddy on standby. Acquire a riot shield and a couple easy access tasers. Keep the sun room blocked/covered so she won't realize she can dive out the window as a shortcut. Set up some furniture to fall over as I run past by, guarding myself with the shield and leap into the truck while my buddy peels off. I'll keep the shield up and stay between him and any of her attacks to keep him safe. This might be the safest route, but it doesn't feel respectful to her as a martial artist.

Option 2: Defense

Suit up best I can, get a riot shield and a pair of bucklers to strap to my arms. Play the defensive game and hope she won't use her qi attacks. Her abilities are pretty well rounded, so she isn't particularly strong (for a youkai).

Option 3: Attack

In PMiSS, it recommends for a one on one bout to establish a time limit and try to take her down with an all out attack. Unfortunately this is the least suitable option, as I am no fighter. I'm pretty weak and untrained for a fight for my life, especially against a youkai. The article also mentions she has no blind spot or a weak point against a human. Not to mention I'm not too keen on hurting my waifu.

If she's secretly a dragon, then flight is the only possible option that could succeed. It's all a matter of getting to the car in one piece.

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fbfdfa No.349680

I'm just trying to imagine a violent turtle girl and I'm coming up with nothing. I'm not afraid of a kimora so I think it'd be fine. Worst thing that probably happens is a couple of bruises and a little blood. Probably get a shitload of apology pancakes out of it.

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40b63f No.349685

File: fb2f028b0130696⋯.jpg (103.3 KB,1200x720,5:3,fb2f028b013069664fd0d0bb80….jpg)

Haremfags would be ancient history wouldn't they

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5e92ad No.349701

>>349685

Actually they might be safer then one-waifufags. If all their waifus are summoned at once in the same place they would probably focus on each other being the closest and most obvious targets.

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93179b No.349703

>>349701

That just makes it even harder on haremfags, because they'd not only have to protect themselves but possibly their waifus from each other.

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5e92ad No.349709

>>349703

Good point. And if you had one of the lovecraftian ones, all the others might just end up with fried brains.

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6889c6 No.349717

>>349685

the haremfags that survive would have the right to have one tbh.

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7ff741 No.349740

File: 749866b6b41e807⋯.png (1.82 MB,1832x1513,1832:1513,Lich74.png)

>>349065

>lich

>murderous frenzy

oh fuck

Well I guess I'd be ok with everyone in my town becoming a zombie/skellybro in a matter of 5 minutes.

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b431f2 No.349744

>>349740

Get a bat, then some chloroform

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d26389 No.349748

>>349744

Bat's a good way to accidentally kill someone. And neat fact about chloroform, it takes at least 5 minutes of inhalation to cause loss of consciousness. Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chloroform

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b431f2 No.349749

>>349748

Then just the chloroform

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d26389 No.349751

>>349749

>murderous frenzy lasts 5 minutes

>chloroform needs at least 5 minutes to take effect

>use chloroform

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b431f2 No.349752

Well whats stronger then?

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7ff741 No.349753

>>349752

Set her out a root beer float laced with melatonin. Nobody hates root beer floats, so she's guaranteed to ravenously drink it in her murderous frenzy. Then she'll take a nap.

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cbac08 No.349759

>Ushi Oni

Would throwing soybeans at her work at distracting her?

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b431f2 No.349761

>>349753

Does she even know what it is?

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b431f2 No.349762

>>349759

Won't that piss her off even more?

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e1930d No.349765

File: aeb4bab3b552b14⋯.jpg (118.08 KB,1024x1024,1:1,1455941806351-0.jpg)

>>349759

I think you'll be better off with silly string than soybeans.

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b431f2 No.349766

>>349765

What about bricks?

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b431f2 No.349767

File: f461cb2d4294502⋯.jpg (64.36 KB,1280x720,16:9,maxresdefault.jpg)

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1002ad No.349768

>>349753

>Nobody hates root beer floats

I'd prefer the two separate.

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cbac08 No.349769

>>349762

I thought all onis had to count every single bean before they could do shit

So, 5,000 beans should take a lot longer than 5 minutes to count

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420d7d No.349780

>>349769

That's vampires. Who would be surprisingly easy to repel for a few minutes, all things considered.

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57b3f6 No.349784

File: 2754e4dc9190603⋯.png (2.5 MB,1800x1203,600:401,ClipboardImage.png)

>>349780

You could reduce a vampire to helpless tears with things you can have delivered to your home in 30 minutes or less in most American cities.

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799851 No.349799

>>349685

Unless they all fight one another. Then it's the best option.

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328d2c No.349803

File: df5ac2931fce63a⋯.jpg (479.95 KB,2560x1600,8:5,58476387475847521.jpg)

>>349780

>>349784

>getting ready for vampire waifu to appear

>check the weather forecast

>65° and perfectly clear for the rest of the day

>stand by the front door and wait

>waifu appears

>take a few steps into the glorious sunshine

>waifu rages impotently in the shade of the porch

>check the mail while I wait

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971dab No.349806

>>34980

> Dies while back is turned when crushed by recliner that pissed vampire threw from porch.

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34f08c No.349808

Why don't you use this to get rid of problems?

>build stick hut in area near annoyance (e.g coworker's backyard, skinwalker den, ex's front lawn etc.)

>hide behind hut when waifu appears

>???

>Profit

Another question, do they only want to murder humans or animals too?

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b34856 No.349814

File: 3bfb40b464a2115⋯.jpeg (206.17 KB,980x1200,49:60,DE4790FD-50BE-465C-BC97-C….jpeg)

>>349808

>Why don't you use this to get rid of problems?

Because it isn’t your “home.” The magic tries to put it where it senses you would live regularly for convenience sake.

>Another question, do they only want to murder humans or animals too?

It’s a blind rage, so she probably won’t go out of her way to kick rats but might try and fight a dog if it gets in her path.

>>349748

>Bat's a good way to accidentally kill someone

>worrying about killing a lich

It’s only bad if you break her phylactery.

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d26389 No.349831

>>349814

Good point. Get a chainsaw, cut off you lich's limbs, and stuff a rag in her mouth as soon as she shows up.

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b34856 No.349833

>>349831

Anon, chainsaws take time to cut through things, she’ll probably levitate out of your reach and bolt you with magic.

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f1c62e No.349834

File: 07eabdfbbca84a1⋯.jpg (95.55 KB,725x1024,725:1024,vampire-kei.jpg)

File: ae88099fac609c6⋯.jpg (36.36 KB,900x494,450:247,vampire.jpg)

laughing at all of you who don't have vampire waifus.

crosses, garlic, and a blindfold takes care of all of my issues.

>>349833

can you cast spells while so angry that even MG's are capable of attacking humans?

sounds like a huge distraction

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d26389 No.349841

>>349833

I did realize almost immediately after posting that a sharp axe would be a more suitable tool. The point is using the element of surprise to remove her ability to cast magic. Rendering her limbs useless, not necessarily removing them, and silencing her in quick succession is the obvious way to go about it.

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f1c62e No.349842

File: 46aab41d1b7b023⋯.jpg (53.3 KB,675x675,1:1,Gransfors-Splitting-Maul1.jpg)

>>349841

why not just break her bones with a maul or mace or club

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9dd6fe No.349846

Send help, I have to deal with a dragon. I fucking wish I knew a magic number to work so I could just load some rounds that could only bruise and stagger her. I seriously can't think of a better way of dealing with a pissed dragon. What else can I do? Load shotgun shells with confetti?

>>349841

Maybe you should just pick up some bondage lessons and toys.

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77ce31 No.349848

>>349846

Maybe try getting some shiny ingots and paint them gold. Aluminum foil might help. Perhaps she will instinctually stay near the "treasure" to guard it.

Or try distracting her with a drone blaring recorded insults at her.

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f1c62e No.349857

>>349846

pretty sure all biological creatures have a horrible time with pepperspray.

but note that humans can still shake it off and so a dragon could probably still shake it off

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dc09a8 No.349859

>>349846

>>349848

Nah just throw coins at her like in that panty raiders story. She'll have to stop to count them, I guarantee it.

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d26389 No.349909

>>349842

That might work too, but an axe has the advantage of severing nerves, preventing even slight movements. Breaking the spine would have similar effect, but C4-C6 have to be broken to prevent arm movement. Anything that could quickly break C4-C6 would also have a high chance of killing her, and who knows how fast she could respawn.

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8e28c0 No.349943

>>349909

I always knew undead girls were a way of having a guro fetish without actually hurting the girl, but you guys are really starting to scare me here

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da7116 No.349944

>>349065

I honestly don't think I can do anything, my waifu is either a Jinko or Hellhound and I doubt I can do anything to survive, those are the type of MGs that can take a SWAT team and Im the most non-athletic and non-strong guy you have met. I guess I will choose Jinko, only because according to KC she can be made to get "deredere" via Catnip. So I will just bathe myself in catnip, summon her, and pray for the best.

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b431f2 No.349956

>>349944

Ya'll have some meth? Or another drug that can cause unblinded rage and insanity?

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da7116 No.349958

>>349956

Why would I have that if my goal is to mitigate the rage and insanity?

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b431f2 No.349967

>>349956

Combat insanity with insanity

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b34856 No.349993

>>349944

You just aren’t being creative enough. Try laying adhesive all over the floor for a sticky trap woth the lights off, forcing her to wander onto the ground.

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77ce31 No.349994

>>349993

Now I'm imagining having to shave a Jinko to get all the adhesive off.

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d55c2c No.349995

>>349993

>Meth darts, no lights, sticky shit suspended across the room and all over the floor

>then hit her with the strobe

Pretty sure this would work for most monsters actually.

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65a156 No.349997

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

>Portal opens

>Front door open

>Wurm comes out looking mad as fuck

>I'm in my car

>Music starts

I've been preparing for this my entire life

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b34856 No.350003

File: 154df8410b11d41⋯.png (109.94 KB,730x608,365:304,A5F93C37-396B-4B1B-BC03-26….png)

>>349846

I am actually having difficulty tackling this one. My only suggestions are to get somewhere she can’t fit such as a very tight tunnel as her wings will stop her, overloading her senses with stuff like flashbangs and speakers and probably finding some way to abuse her durability.

Worst comes to worse, you may need to get a real gun and shoot to injure, magic will be accessible after the whole ordeal and its better to be alive but sorry than dead but innocent.

Gonna need AP by the way.

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3148d9 No.350005

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

>>349603

>>349592

>>349628

Well now knowing my options I have one thing left to do.

>Waifu the entire mg pantheon

>Start excising as much as I can for the 5 minutes of hell

>Look up techniques that would help me fight

>Meditate on the day of reckoning

>The portal opens

UNLEASH

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b431f2 No.350011

File: 7d872f43af27d1b⋯.png (82.41 KB,766x768,383:384,Sigil_of_Baphomet.png)

>>350003

If magic works, use demonic magic, and no I'm not talking about that sexualized lovey dovey horny magic. I'm talking the cold, heartless/less sexual Terran-style demonic magic. Most of the MGE magic is sexual and focused on lovemaking. Terran would be more warlike and cruel. Yet if we can use magic to cause mutations or a decrease in rage, it would be beneficial.

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b33649 No.350018

File: e0c1fa4a470374d⋯.png (2.91 MB,2125x2673,2125:2673,e0c1fa4a470374dadcb4c7c135….png)

>baphomet

>directly fighting loli demons is suicide

>fleeing is ineffective because muh teleport and muh goatspeed

>plan c: psychological warfare

>fill the house with cutting boards, washboards, etc

>order a laminated "itty bitty titty committee" card with a blank space marked "your face here"

>buy a bunch of those novelty tiny dildos, confuse every sex store clerk ever

>load up on beanbag shells for the shotty

>the time is now

>hide behind tactical couch

>baphomet appears

>immediately trips on all the dildos on the floor

>winds up landing with a cutting board to her chest

>gets back up with a washboard impaled on a horn

>she is now mad

>bounce the card off her forehead

>shout "TITS OR GTFO"

>angrybaphometglare.bmp

>get her mad enough to forget her magic and just try to gore you

>bounce beanbags off her face for 5 minutes

>dodge her like a bull when she gets close

>the five minutes are up and you lower your weapon

>she does not want you dead anymore

>this does not mean she is not angry at you

>this only becomes evident when she tackles you

>the cops roll up 20 minutes later due to reports of eleven million gunshots

>discover you being fucked into submission by an extremely angry loli demon

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0cf9d3 No.350047

>>349834

Cross only works if you have faith nigger. You might but I sure don't. Garlic is my only option.

I wonder how my mother would like the vampire waifu?

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e6d351 No.350061

File: 96d1dc6342fc31d⋯.jpg (136.87 KB,600x574,300:287,untitles.jpg)

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5a08c1 No.350066

>>349993

Yeah, I thought about something like that latter. Rather than just using catnip on myself I would also place it all over the home to distract her and luckily she will just spend the 5 minutes snuggling up (rather violently I guess) with the room. Also laser pointers.

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5a08c1 No.350067

Im also wondering about the Jinko if I should leave the Karate Kid movies running in the TV, maybe she will just use up the 5 minutes watching it either because she likes it or because she will be complaining about useless karate advice and say it is not done that way. Another possibility is to leave a tape of a tough ass training coach or drill sargeant shouting training routines and hoping she does said routines.

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b431f2 No.350069

>>350018

Use Terran demons

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b34856 No.350070

File: 719dd332487e464⋯.jpeg (35.77 KB,600x600,1:1,7977D9B8-EA33-4433-9772-7….jpeg)

>>350018

>I’M FURIOUS

>Hi, Furious, I’m Onii chan.

>>350066

>>350067

Movies will pique her curiosity, but they won’t distract a disciplined warrior such as herself for too long. Same for the laser pointer. I do not understand how catnip affects her psychologically, but there likely will be a conflict of interest between the magic and the drugs for murdering you or hugging you, but I doubt it will be enough to save you. If anything she may end up crushing you in a hug. It will probably lessen her ferocity though.

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5a08c1 No.350079

>>350070

If she is in a murderous frenzy there won't be much left of the "disciplined warrior" given it is strong enough to kill her would be husband. So she will most likely be in an instinctual mode, the disciplined warrior stuff will serve her for doing martial arts and that stuff, but it will not mentally help her under the influence of the frenzy. If it still doesn't work, I honestly don't know what I would do, Catnip, which according to KC makes Jinkos go "deredere" and pretty much put them in heat was my last resort.

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b431f2 No.350081

File: d31520f12a75813⋯.jpg (541.54 KB,1084x1140,271:285,951499807_preview_0_Jacket.jpg)

>>350079

Then show no mercy back

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5a08c1 No.350083

>>350081

If you meant fight her I think even my dog, which would be effortlessly slaughtered by her, would put up a better fight than me.

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b34856 No.350085

>>350079

>I honestly don't know what I would do

The point is you never let it come to that. That is too risky to rely upon so you should set down a ton of traps like trip wires to catch her while you book it for your car. If the traps and barricades fail you could always do things to hold her at bay, such as toss flashbangs or throw nets.

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b431f2 No.350086

>>350081

No rules. Use anything.

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5a08c1 No.350087

>>350084

Are we allowed to run to the car? I thought that we had to be in the same room

>The bad news is that you must be present when she appears

Also in her frenzy if you flee and she makes it to the street you might not know where she went and you might not find her when she gets back and she might end up marrying someone else (in fact its almost a guarantee becuase the Catnip would put her into mating season as soon as the frenzy wears off), which would be worse than getting killed. Unless you already have her waifu locked, if that is the case, then more possibilities open up and it isn't so risky to run away in a car.

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17af13 No.350089

>>349065

Obvious plan is to be away from the house when she gets here. She won't get far in this Florida heat.

What do I distract a Wendigo with?

A stack of rare steaks with a sign that says "Back in 5, Love You, Babe"? Guarded by a fresh cat, maybe?

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9dd6fe No.350090

File: 7219a3c1ad10aab⋯.jpg (Spoiler Image,126.52 KB,1072x1600,67:100,7 nuggets.jpg)

>>350003

Does a moist nugget work? Barring that, second biggest thing I got is my SKS.

>>350011

I'd rather not. That would make things complicated since I have catholic family members.

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b34856 No.350091

>>350087

You just have to be present when she first comes enters, afterwards anything is fair game.

>she might end up marrying someone else

As far as I understand KC, lust based frenzies are directed towards the one they love, in this case: you. I believe this was mentioned somewhere involving the minotaurs and their red rage so I wouldn’t worry about being cucked. If you want to play it safe, you could just drop the catnip and proceed as otherwise.

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5a08c1 No.350092

>>350091

But that they are only directed at "their one and only love" only applies to their husbands and here we haven't had sex yet. So it would depend if by summoning her I am automatically locking myself as her husband or not.

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b431f2 No.350093

>>350090

If magic exist use more Terran style magic. It's more combatant, merciless, cruel and more focused on power, while their magic is more sexual and sex-orientated.

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5a08c1 No.350094

>>350093

Obviously the only existing magic is the MGE magic she brings with her. Otherwise everyone could solo by learning doing Japanese Youkai Magic rituals or Chaos Magick. Also I greatly envy Lichfags because they are the only guys that will effortlessly complete this challenge, since their waifus can just bring them back after killing them.

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b431f2 No.350095

File: 862874ea39efa20⋯.jpg (81.79 KB,800x450,16:9,eca.jpg)

>>350094

So……….no Satan, or demons, or Legion. No badass Terran non-mamono monsters. No horrifying demonic powers. No blood pacts. No horrifying insanity and rapture.

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b34856 No.350096

>>350089

You must be present in the room when she first appears, but given that it’s a little girl in a heavy coat, running outside isn’t a problem. Just make sure she doesn’t get heat stroke.

>What do I distract a Wendigo with?

Distractions won’t work very effectively in this rage, you will probably have to bulli.

>>350090

>spoiler

You want at least semi automatic in the event you miss, and you should probably get a newer gun than an SKS as this isn’t something to cheap go for style or cheap out on.

>>350092

>I am automatically locking myself as her husband or not.

Treat it as if you are. Essentially you’re engaged. Can’t have a marriage without a romantic ceremony.

>>350095

No.

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b34856 No.350097

>>350096

>this isn’t something to cheap go for style or cheap out on.

*this isn’t something to go for style with or cheap out on.

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b431f2 No.350098

>>350096

Boooo,

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5a08c1 No.350099

>>350096

>Treat it as if you are. Essentially you’re engaged. Can’t have a marriage without a romantic ceremony.

Alright in that case going for the car is the best choice indeed. Is the "muderous frenzy" sexual in nature as in "Im going to rape you so hard I am going to actually crush you and not hold back my claws" or "I just want to fucking kill you and will rip your head from your shoulders"? Because the former one would be way more manageable than the latter one. With monster girls where Incubization sets in fast or are not very strong an anon could be concievably caught before the 5 minutes run out and still survive the encounter, but if it is the latter one, you are done as soon as she captures you. And woe to whoever has a Lilim as a waifu. Country level reality warpers, how the fuck can you outrun that or hold off that for 5 minutes?

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b34856 No.350102

File: 2b268246b086078⋯.jpeg (29.6 KB,396x353,396:353,698C686F-5F40-44E2-87CE-5….jpeg)

>>350099

>"I just want to fucking kill you and will rip your head from your shoulders"

This one.

>And woe to whoever has a Lilim as a waifu. Country level reality warpers, how the fuck can you outrun that or hold off that for 5 minutes?

That was part of my inspiration for this thread, partially out of spite for people who just want overpowered waifus i.e. lilim, partially for making guys work for their love, and partially to get creative juices going for fun.

I don’t have an answer, just hope she fixes everything.

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367ab1 No.350103

>>349645

>Ochimusha injures her lord-to-be (with a demon silver sword so he was basically okay)

>She realizes what's she's done and flees in shame

>When her lord-to-be catches up with her he finds her harakiri-ing herself

>Nothing happens because she used a demon silver sword again, she's just hunched over a bit

>Her new lord frantically makes sure that she's okay then sexual healing happens

>>350092

Why wouldn't it? The OP does say your waifu after all.

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882283 No.350188

>>350102

>some joker has a lilim for a waifu

>she appears and instantly creates the hardcanon MGE universe

>no sons born to MGs

>we all die

All because you just had to fuck the demon lord's daughter.

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3f4d5b No.350193

>>350188

Heil'd

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b59893 No.350222

File: 4868339dd763351⋯.png (146.91 KB,482x700,241:350,salamanderdoppel.png)

File: 5be33a428e2e13d⋯.jpg (80.46 KB,638x1200,319:600,DLezvyuVYAEkWNT.jpg)

File: f325ddb3dcaa5f9⋯.jpg (168.63 KB,787x1200,787:1200,DY147ftU8AAymEj.jpg)

File: 18e3e3526c28e03⋯.png (1.32 MB,986x722,493:361,KarasuH-533023-Hellhound_C….png)

File: d35c29bba5bec3f⋯.png (242.97 KB,491x660,491:660,eJwFwUsOgyAQANC7cAA-o3z0AN….png)

>>350018

Just use Pure salt and a star of protection.

>>349360

Waterbottle and a wet blanket to wrap around the Hellhound and restrain.

>>349317

Get a mirror and a gazer is unable to use her magicks

>>349628

Shoggoths are weak to Electricity, you can use a relative safe amount to stun her for

5 mins, maybe even a taser.

>>349372

Its a human woman with magic, just tackle her and wrestle her.

The only thing I wouldn't mind is a salamander, a Gremlin, or a Griffon that or some kind of rare two headed hellwan or a multi-armed manticore. I really don't know if the portal is just gonna pick the one I prefer the most of just summon them all ontop of me, May Ammit bless me during that trying time.

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d26389 No.350223

>>350222

>Shoggoths are weak to Electricity

Source? The only eldritch thing I know of specifically stated to be weak to electricity is the flying polyp, and even then only "certain forms" of electricity. Given shoggoths incredible adaptability, I'd actually expect them to resist electricity.

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2c40f4 No.350224

File: 5d366ca0253546c⋯.png (370.54 KB,800x500,8:5,800px-Demon58.png)

Well, if there's anything I learned from Cheers, it's that no one can stay mad at someone after singing "Home on the Range" with them. So I'll have 48 hours to get some handcuffs blessed by a priest and either find a boombox or convince my brother to teach me guitar.

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4db8cd No.350238

>>350102

>partially out of spite for people who just want overpowered waifus

The only people you screwed up are guys with mid tier waifus, with the exception of non-zombie Dragon husbandos. Liches, Lilims, Baphomes and all that stuff will simply revive their husbandos after killing them. It is guy with waifus like Jinkos, Kunoichis, Amazons, Salamanders, Manticores, etc. that are screwed up.

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067fda No.350253

>>350238

I'm skeptical of 'reviving' their husbandos after killing them. I don't doubt that they can and will do it, but I'm expecting them to be grief-stricken and depressed (like this post >>349645 ) by their actions AND were 'successful' in killing their husband. Can you live with yourself knowing you have killed your love of your life and still are capable of that, despite bringing your love back from dead and then forgiving you? It doesn't mean they can't heal, it'll just take time for them as you heal them with your love.

I don't doubt the fit monstergirls you mentioned are still capable of killing their husbandos, but we can still minimize the odds of getting killed by a number of factors.

1) you know your surroundings better than she does, so you could boobytrap your home and practise within 48 of running around your home, dodge chairs and tables etc.

2) relevant to the first one, but where you live could help or hinder you greatly. A salamander couldn't do well in a extremely cold snowy region and will stay in warm places (wishful thinking on my part though, it depends on how murderous the frenzy is, does it makes her lose her mind?)

That's just a few points, I'm sure anons here are capable of coming up with creative ideas themselves.

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4db8cd No.350258

>>350253

>don't doubt that they can and will do it

Those that can't do it wont, but I don't see why those that can do it wouldn't do it, which certaintly involve monsters like Liches, Lilims and Baphomets. Sure it would be hard to face their loved one after they killed him, but it would be worse to just let them remain dead.

How do you imagine a Hellhound would react if she beats her husband up so hard that she doesn't kill him but leaves him in a wheelchair or something? Of course it would be healed as soon as the incubization is complete. My waifu is a Jinko, how do you think she would react if I was initially terrified of her if she manged to break an arm or something before the 5 minutes pass? Would she go as far as to respect it if I didn't wanted to have sex with her even if she was in heat? Though I wouldn't be a dick, I would just smile and tell her that I was well aware of the dangers, that it isn't her fault and that the broken arm was a very cheap price for her.

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b34856 No.350266

File: 6e7cca0009714e0⋯.png (108.26 KB,800x528,50:33,2C6FB367-CFC5-403D-84E1-99….png)

>>350238

Somewhat hard to bring back a pile of blood, ash and shattered bones, no? Even worse if the power of a lilim just disintegrates everything in a 1 km radius of your home.

>>350223

I believe there was a Call of Cthuhlu game where you destroy a shoggoth by electrocuting it but that’s a videogame and not Lovecraft’s original works, so reliability is questionable. Fire can apparently harm shoggoths if they don’t prepare a body part designed to withstand it.

>>350258

>How do you imagine a Hellhound would react if she beats her husband up so hard that she doesn't kill him but leaves him in a wheelchair or something?

She’s probably going to have very conflicting feelings should her husband not be up to it given their disobedient nature. But I do expect guilt to win in the end.

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067fda No.350268

>>350258

Yes, fair enough. I just don't think it's that simple to revive people especially for those girls. It seems like a poor cop-out to me somehow and not a fair deal to other waifus who can't revive their husbandos easily without help. Perhaps I'm just a idiot for thinking about wanting to be fair for other girls.

I would like to argue for and push the idea that Liches and others can't 'effectively' revive their husbands until he has at least spend enough time in their presence (while he's still alive) for at least 1 minute within 5 minutes of their murderous frenzy as that he has absorbed enough mamono mana to start his incubization - making it much easier for her to revive him. If he haven't survived for one minute, the only way to revive him is to invoke gods for their assistance - which will take time as they will likely need to do their duties and attend to many anons' deaths/revivals.

However in reality, I'll admit that I'm butthurt over the image of making my Salamander waifu cry from my death without any way to revive me. I don't like that at all, but then again, it'll push me to train harder not to die that easily.

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4db8cd No.350270

>>350266

>Somewhat hard to bring back a pile of blood, ash and shattered bones, no?

I think Lilims can create bodies from scratch if need be, I mean, they can create country sized dimensions like the Queen of Hearts did with its own physics and such.

>She’s probably going to have very conflicting feelings should her husband not be up to it given their disobedient nature

I didn't said he would necessarily refuse to have sex with her. I was more curious about what her overall reaction would be about the fact that she hurt her husband so bad she put him in a wheelchair.

>>350268

>However in reality, I'll admit that I'm butthurt over the image of making my Salamander waifu cry from my death without any way to revive me. I don't like that at all, but then again, it'll push me to train harder not to die that easily.

TBH I think in the end all anons killed by their waifus will be revived. Is just that MGs like Lilims can do it immediately and likely other mosnters will take time and need to seek help, but in the end it will be accomplished.

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b34856 No.350275

>>350270

>I think Lilims can create bodies from scratch if need be

But if the soul is within the body and the body turns to nothing, where does she retrieve the soul?>I didn't said he would necessarily refuse to have sex with her.

I didn’t mean entirely drop sex, but on an indiviual basis. She would probably also tone down the intensity.

>all anons killed by their waifus will be revived.

Honestly this is probably the case but I didn’t want to being it up just for the sake of it removing any sense of danger and urgency to avoid harm towards yourself and your waifu.

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b34856 No.350278

>>350275

>being it up

*bring it up

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746cb3 No.350281

>>350270

>all anons killed by their waifus will be revived

If anons has actually tried or put in effort in surviving, that would be fine. As long as they don't know it was a thing that they can be revived afterwards by Lilims. It would be stupid for them to know about that and basically remove any sense of danger and urgency as >>350275 pointed out. Maybe they'll even get overconfident and cocky knowing about that, which couldn't be a wise move for them.

It's better if all anons received their news of getting their waifus at the same time all over the world - some at midnight, some at noon, some at dawn, some at dusk and not know that they can be revived as everyone will be attacked by their waifus at once.

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92049e No.350314

>>350238

>Lilim

>Forcing your self to experience a magical five minute bullet hell for an original character do not steal lilim that loves you.

I think worrying about disentigrating is the least of your worrys. But hey least you'll get your very own OC lilum at the end of it that can make anything happend including orgasmic hand holding

Do any of you play touhou?

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8c0cd3 No.350345

File: 073c04d35cbd89f⋯.jpg (373.63 KB,1000x765,200:153,073c04d35cbd89ffcbdc5f583a….jpg)

>>350314

Am I fucked?

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f1c62e No.350346

File: 51a9963d4de52d0⋯.png (543.7 KB,1036x872,259:218,mb2-e.png)

All mg could potentally rez their hubby

>2) Is there magic for resurrection or reincarnation?

>In the case of being in a state of apparent death, or immediately after death, the souls can be recalled. But basically, it is difficult to resurrect dead unchanged. However, Human women and MGs can relatively easily revived as "undead", and by the one who mastered necromancy, it is possible that a man can revived as "undead incubus", not changed to undead MG. Also, In the world of MGE, there is the system of reincarnation of souls, but still I can't answer them, so please wait.

if you don't have a mge waifu just hope they are strong enough to rez you

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efc2d9 No.350353

>>350346

>never ending pain and torment

This got from "cute" into the "fuck no" territory really fast. I assume she only puts you there until you stop doing whatever cruel thing you did to her, right? Still, the mere possibility of that would spoil the entire thing for me. I would be utterly terrified of her.

It also doesnt help that Im a warriorslut and muscleslut and she is reluctant to have sex in forms that dont look like the pic.

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f1c62e No.350358

File: e0c92c88173ef79⋯.png (320.89 KB,570x899,570:899,tomie.png)

File: 29bbaa714acea6d⋯.png (1.16 MB,2000x1000,2:1,mb1.png)

File: a9ae44768301207⋯.png (1.08 MB,2000x1000,2:1,mb2.png)

>>350353

well, it doesn't help that I like spooky looking chicks.

plus I don't think I've ever said "I hate you" to anyone in my life. Especially not to someone who made a demiplane.

Still want my mail in there tho

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77ce31 No.350373

File: 3e0d4b83f4556c7⋯.jpg (118.28 KB,1200x804,100:67,Butterfly_Affection_03b.jpg)

>>350358

I'm also into spooky looking girls, I find their look to be charming. The problem is that the only girl who isn't a killer would send me to another plain where I'd never see my real family again. I don't want to my friends or family being hurt either. One misstep, and someone dies.

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f1c62e No.350377

File: ed3f0faf4f7a75a⋯.jpg (342.94 KB,800x800,1:1,Ozoi.full.664475.jpg)

>>350373

well honestly, you could just be nice to her

but the whole "away from family" thing kinda sucks but, you could ask for wifi or for her to get your mail.

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853526 No.350385

>>350358

Ill take ???

When do i leave?

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a55596 No.350394

File: 4987a38c86d4d1a⋯.jpg (1.88 MB,1000x1500,2:3,3513260_p0.jpg)

>>350345

we are all fucked if Kazami "Genocide is just another game" Yuuka comes through. No guarantees that her rage only lasts five minutes, especially if she starts having fun causing havoc.

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fa1f89 No.350454

Couldn't you hide, trick her, or piss her off enough to make her go for 5 minutes of torture instead of simple murder? Drugging yourself and playing dead could also work, depending on whether or not she has a vendetta against you specifically or just craves blood.

Even if she magically knows your location at all times, if she has any higher cognition you have options to stall or trick her with.

Unless she knows that she only has 5 minutes to kill you. Then you need to buy a big cage. A taser would work for most of them as well?

The only really problematic ones are the ones that can cast magic mentally, and the Lovecraftian ones.

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ff6dff No.350459

File: 5b6a54eede6f4df⋯.png (145.68 KB,1095x730,3:2,mokou_by_touhousuki-d8tk34….png)

I just bought a new house too.

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b34856 No.350467

>>350454

>make her go for 5 minutes of torture instead of simple murder

The magic rage basically puts her at her peak which seeks to immediately bludgeon, gore, incinerate, etc. ASAP. Anything extra you do will only push her to hit you harder, not with intent to capture.

>she has a vendetta against you specifically or just craves blood

Blood craving, but be careful she doesn't use your carcass as a punching bag.

>Unless she knows that she only has 5 minutes to kill you

She doesn't want to spend the time trying to kill you, so much as your death being a side-effect.

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34fa17 No.350484

File: c51cc5aaad547bf⋯.png (202.72 KB,377x390,29:30,c51cc5aaad547bf83d67504bd0….png)

>>349065

>A murderous frenzy Cheshire

I'm beyond fucked, no one can escape her and no weapon on the planet could stop her.

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b34856 No.350522

>>350484

She may be omnipresent, but she is not omniscient nor omnipotent. Get something along the lines of the yeti anon’s pain gear, but leave no spot unspiked and coat them in something that’ll burn her wounds. Fasten tinted goggles to your head underneath a mask and lay down tons of saw dust to kick into the air to obscure her vision. In addition, get as much magnesium as you can and burn it around the room. The magnesium helps to remove her sight as it burns very brightly. Put in ear plugs and blast music, she may be able to hide her ears, but it’s one less sense she has access to regardless. Any second she has to leave due to sensory overload is another second until you’re free. Remove all easy to carry or throw items in the room and do not carry a weapon as she will take it from you. Block any entrances and exits. While she can leave, she won’t be able to bring anything in. To further nauseate her try and get the worst smells you can find and lay it around your home.

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955006 No.350667

File: 1a8f8c8c6dcc569⋯.jpg (125.46 KB,1042x1200,521:600,1a8f8c8c6dcc569b72b5e9731c….jpg)

Just need a really tough shark cage and some kind of armor to stop from getting thorned. Manticore is ferociously strong, but no animal can rip through steel. Steel rips through animals.

ez.

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3f4d5b No.350668

>>350667

Tailpussies are also feline based. Methods that would work on other nyan types may also have suitable effects on her as well.

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dec397 No.350670

File: f25134e7a3ff0a9⋯.png (187.34 KB,679x504,97:72,asdb.png)

>>350667

>not wanting to take a couple thorns before she calms down so you can have her repay you

I've always envisioned manticores as the 'jack of all trades, master of none' type. They're fast, but not to an extreme degree, just enough that unless you're an Olympic sprinter they'll catch you. Similarly, they'd typically be a bit stronger/tougher than the average person, but would rely mostly on venom and evasion to wear someone down.

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b59893 No.350678

>>350667

>Manticore being effected by cat-nip.

>Manticore crawling on the floor meowing and clawing your carpet.

>Manticore thats incredibly weak to being tickled and teased

I wish to see a Manticore being drunk on cat-nip while being teased and tickled by her partner.

>>350670

They're actually supposed to be strong and agile creatures. if anything though I don't remember if their enduring, at least they're good with their words. If anything you could easily drug her or at least incapacitate her.

>Implying you shouldn't stab your self with multiple manticore barbs after five minutes just to insure your marriage.

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367ab1 No.350681

>>350668

Cats tend to play with their food so if you're a catfucker you might be fairly safe as it is.

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dedc8a No.350689

>>349065

>5 minute murder frenzy

So basically, this portal magic is partially undoing the Demon Lord's "all monsters are now part succubus" transformation magic for the duration, at least on the mental/behavioral level. Changing the lust back into the original bloodlust.

>>349215

>decoy doll coated in industrial grade adhesive

Why didn't I think of that for dealing with a Yeti? Ok, partially because I don't look forward to the mess and difficulty of getting her out of that after it's all over, but that is definitely going into my survival plan setup.

>>349645

>>350253

>The 5 minutes just ended.

>A grief-striken Inari is ripping off her own tails in anguish and then trying to use them to stop the bleeding as she cries and wails over the severely injured, unconscious body of her would-be husbando.

>Even if her magic is able to grant him a full recovery once she regains her senses, she can never bring herself to look him in the face again after what she did to him.

Welp, my feels are shot for today.

>>349680

>violent turtle girl

As timid, submissive, and masochistic as Umi Oshos tend to be by nature, the only way I can see this magic affecting them is to make them just aggressive enough to bait the husbando into attacking and hurting them in self-defense. Her goal in that state probably wouldn't be so much to beat you up physically as it would be to get you to beat her up physically and then beat yourself up mentally about it.

>>349685

>haremfags

Not a haremfag, but bicorns are still a thing. If one gets summoned and the husbando survives, you now have the start of a potential harem.

>>350102

>overpowered waifus

Ok, that's cool and all. You do you and all that. Honestly, you know how I settled on Yeti? They aren't flashy. They aren't magical. But look at their disposition listing in the MGE.

"Cheerful, gentle, honest"

In my mind, at least, who wouldn't want to come home to that–and a 10-20 minute long enthusiastic hug that makes everything better–at the end of long, hard day? Yetis are one of the MGs where things tend more toward a partnership and friendship than a predator/prey relationship.

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36a296 No.350695

>Slime

I need a barrel, a fuckton of salt, scuba gear (complete with oxygen tank) Antiacids and I reckon I'll be alright.

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3f4d5b No.350699

>>350689

Aren't Umi osho klutzy? She'd try to hurt you … but it'd be a swing and a miss. Right onto her back. Just wait the five minutes out watching her trying and failing to get up.

Then grab her hair and face fuck her like she's a disposable onahole.

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eb692c No.350718

>>350670

>implying the barbs won't be set to "kill" instead of "lewd"

I have no doubt an enraged manticore can flick those babs through my internal organs.

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34f08c No.350736

>Kraken

I think I could out-drive her, but the only other thing I could think of is drying her out with salt??? Gimme some ideas here.

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367ab1 No.350741

>>350718

They're no bigger than a finger and they get stuck in the skin. Wear a cup and you'll be fine

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955006 No.350742

>>350741

I don't know, man. I'm pretty certain, using tail as an atlatl, I imagine tailpussy could get some screaming velocity out of those barbs, depending on how she's built.

Probably a thick coat, thick quilts on your legs, and a thick pot for a helmet is enough, but don't underestimate stab wounds. Especially if she's got a good aim.

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a39b01 No.350769

File: fbdf59589aa055d⋯.png (537.94 KB,1752x1447,1752:1447,jinko.png)

Jinko guy again. I have bern thinking about it and honestly? I have come to the conclusion that I cant survive unless she lets me go, at least initially. And its because, in many ways, I think its worse than a Dragon.

The reason for this is a Jinko would fight like this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOUPxU3jL08

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-hiooEmi-I

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmFyJTABVlc

And this is just her fighting skills in hand to hand, this is without taking in count her super agility, claws and overpowering Jinko strenght. If I run to a door she will just leap and block it like Yoda did in his fight with Sidious, she knows exactly where and how to strike to kill the fastest, cause maximum pain, shatter bones and all that. Traps will just give me a few seconds, I think even a flashbomb would just cause her to use her other senses and I would be within her grasp before the flash even wears down. Long story short, if she wants you dead, she WILL kill you.

Now weighing on how the Jinko is, we know she is a monster girl with extraordinary self control, only overpowered in mating season, and this should apply here too. So first of all I would have to plaster catnip all around the room and bathe myself in it. This would set off the "deredere" effect toning down her bloodlust and making her go into heat. Also because of her tremendous willpower, the bloodlust would already be, from the getgo, weaker than with other MGs. And finally there is the fact that she is my wife. So I would attempt to calm her down, plead to her, state how much I love her , show her all the fanart I have from her (appeal to her love), tell her that its only 5 minutes and after that she can have her way with me (appeal to her lust), that if she kills me now she wont ever be able to sate herself for mating seasons (appeal to her rational willpower and lust) all of this while on the "deredere" effects of the catnip.

This would put her bloodlust in conflict with her overpowering lust, her love for me, her willpower and the effects of the drug.

After this she would give me the "RUN AWAY! NOW!" and then I can escape her and outlast those 5 minutes. I think running to the roof of my home should be enough, she will be actively slowing herself down, if the conflict within doesnt turn her into an immovilized mess the full 5 minutes. Is she catches up to me, which should be around 2-3 minutes remaining I would get naked to give her lust priority and if she catches me I would begin to give her abs belly rubs and rub against her womanhood, which will surely make her want to mate as much as kill, so I will get thrown down and beaten up at the same time she fucks me, more or less like the image shows. Until the 5 minutes pass and she stops the beating. Worse case scenario I end up with some broken parts, black eyes, and bruised up but alive. At which point she fast tracks fucks me until I become an Incubus and get healed, with her apologizing all the time, while I lick her abs and whisper to her

>It was worth every damn bruise

She gets to brag to her friends that her husband love her so much that he was willing to risk death to be with her, while I get to brag to Jinko husbands that I got to know a Jinko's full ferocity while having sex with her. In the end we both take it with good humour and even from time to time make some mock summoning as a form of foreplay before the sex.

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431d51 No.350792

File: 875afdd0f8dd61b⋯.jpg (61.52 KB,960x853,960:853,6fbefc657582c0ba8316197bf5….jpg)

>Be me

>Have moo cow waifu incoming

>Severe blizzard makes driving away not a option, but gives me an idea

>Barely finish prepwork the moment she appears

>Did not know she would be naked

>Open front door while moo cow gets her bearings

>Do my best matador impression with red beach towel

>Cow waifu charges, massive tits wobbling

>Sidestep and watch moo cow slip and fall tail over teakettle into snowdrift

>Blend in with the snow using white cloths while moo cow is distracted

>Moo cow starts searching, but gets distracted by red clothing scattered in the snow

>Lose sight of moo cow for a while, until I hear her charging at me from behind

>clever girl

>Try to repeat matador impression, but she tackles me before I can do it

>Struggle against moo cow until I realize what shes going for

>Let her suffocate me in her breasts as she rides me raw

>Cuddle up in the after glow while snow starts to cover us

>Wrap up sleeping cow waifu in beach towel and carry her to bed

>Start making hot coco, but cow waifu appears and tackles me again

>Don't get to drink coco until its cold

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645a76 No.350851

>>350090

dont be like that anon, carve a pentagram into your face and swig a bronze goblet of goats blood so you can spray the liquid to blind your foes. All the cool kids are doing it

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864b3c No.350865

>>350860

>ummmmm………..

Underage leave.

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b431f2 No.350892

>>350851

That's the spirit!

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f2a0cb No.350913

>Get a message that in one week my lizard girl waifu 4 laifu is going to be appear in my home, but warns me about the side effect.

>Know that I can't out run her, but can out trap her.

>Buy dozens of nets, lots of rope, and a fire extinguisher.

>Hang nets in every part of the house.

>The day comes and I am waiting for her arrival.

>I even cranked the fucking AC down to 43 degrees inside my house.

>It's quiet…Too quiet. So quiet that you can hear a pin drop.

>It's been a minute passed the time of her arrival.

<"Where the hell is she?"

>Suddenly, the hose to my fire extinguisher was cut and plumes of foam explode.

>I look around as I back up slowly towards the wall, but instead of a wall I feel something pointy on my back.

>At that moment, I fucked up.

>I nervously roll my eyes to see get a glance at her.

>She was somewhat covered in a silhouette of the foam, but I can make out some features. Her body is slender with parts of her skin being covered in green scales and has red hair.

>I was scared about what was going to happen next that I was sweating bullets.

>Then, I felt a wave of unbearable pain as she uses her sword to slash my back from lower to rib cage.

>3 minutes left

>I fall to my hands and knees crying in pain.

>The lizard girl doesn't even utter a single word. Just a blank stare.

>With the rope in my hand, I let one net go dropping from the ceiling on top of her.

>She doesn't even budge. The cold air is slowing her down.

>She gives me a cold stare with her crystal blue eyes.

>I crawl for the stairs. Gotta make it to higher ground.

>Despite the net still covering her, she follows behind me.

>I let the next rope go and another net drops.

>She was able to cut through both nets with her katana and tosses them to the side.

<"Shit, not good!"

>2 minutes left

>I made it to the stairs, but she grabs me by the shirt and tosses me across the other side of the room slamming me to the wall.

>I lose all of my grip on the other pieces of rope and the nets fall from the ceiling missing the target.

>The stings from my back was intolerably painful that as soon as I crashed on to the floor I was holding back tears from the pain.

>As I try to get up, the lizard girl steps on my back.

>"I am going to break you nice and slow," the girl hisses.

>1 minute left

>She slowly presses down her foot making me feel the pressure and the intolerable stings of the cut on my back.

*crrrk*

>One of my ribs breaks.

>I scream in agony as she presses down harder.

>30 seconds

>Another, rib breaks. It's becoming harder and harder to breathe.

>20 seconds

>All a sudden the weight of her foot lifts.

>I turn to look behind me and I see her getting sleepy. Her grip on her katana loosens and it falls to the ground.

>15 seconds

>I use the opportunity to get myself back up and I kick the katana to the side.

>10 seconds

>I push her onto the couch and I grapple her to keep her still as she tries to struggle.

>5 seconds

>4

>3

>2

>1

>The lizard girl is finally asleep and I lay her down on the couch.

>Blood dripping from back and caressing my sides, I limp over to the thermostat and raised the temperature back to normal room temperature.

>From the amount of blood I lost, I loose consciousness.

>I wake up in a hospital bed a couple days later.

>I see flowers and "Get Well Soon" cards as the first thing I see.

>As I try to sit up, I feel some weight on my chest.

>I look down to my chest seeing the lizard girl I fought with now resting on my chest.

>It feels nice and warm.

>The doctor walks in and says, "AH, so you're awake! How are you feeling?"

>"Still a little worn out, doc," I replied.

>"Well, consider yourself lucky. This nice girl here was the one that brought you in," The doctor says as he checks my blood pressure.

>I stroke her head and I respond, "Yeah, I am lucky."

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9e37be No.350924

Thunderbird waifu. Even if the rage doesn't cause her to short circuit I can do this

Step 1: To the Dive shop! get a dry suit, neopriene rubber is an insulator. Grab a shark suit, should be able to stop the talons. Ground shark suit for added electrical resistance. Pick up some heavy dive weights for step #3

Step 2: Medical supply shop. Strongest wrist, ankle, elbow neck and knee brace they have. She might still break your bones but as long as it's not a major joint it can be set. This is just backup in case Step #3 fails

Step 3: to the hardware store! Pick up some chain and a lot of PVC pipe. Build chain into net, build PVC pipe into a quad barreled potato gun, angle barrels to spread out shot. Instant net gun. Pick up heavy duty helmet with facemask. Pick up a few caribiners. Make sure the net is grounded as well. Pick up a few class C fire extinguishers just in case.

Step 4: Grocery store. Pick up candles, hot chocolate, replacement set of sheets and plenty of Gatorade.

Unplug all electrical appliances and shut off circuit breakers. Hit raging thunderbird with chain net. run up and use the caribiners to hook the chain segments together so she can't escape. Stand by with fire extinguisher in case she overloads the ground wires and causes an electrical fire.

Wait patently for the 5 minutes to get through. Unlock Wafiu, give Gatorade, presumably discharging that much voltage takes electrolytes. Strip out of armor. Light candles in the event of a power outage. Proceed to heterosexual sex for the purpose of procreation all night long.

Next morning, replace sheets torn up by the gentle lovemaking. bring hot chocolate to the line workers who are replacing the transformers in 40 degree weather thanks to your waifu's tantrum. Start FAA paperwork for your first flight with waifu once the weather gets nice.

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278648 No.350949

>>350924

It would be cheaper and easier to just build a faraday cage for yourself. The electricity won't be able to touch you and the harpy will be too weak to lift/break it. You can just sit there comfortably admiring her 'till the time runs out.

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9e37be No.350979

>>350949

Not really, their leg muscles have to be able to launch them and their wings have to be able to keep them aloft. They could lift it easily or kick/beat through most weaker materials. Even if you go full chain link or rebar if they could stick a claw through the gap they could zap you easily.

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278648 No.350981

>>350979

Not so! If they're anything like birds then their ability to fly is also dependent on having hollow bones, and since she's stuck indoors with you she won't be able to make a diving attack on the cage. Essentially you'll be facing a skinny young lady that weighs hardly anything who won't even have leverage on her side and who's biggest muscles are in her chest and shoulders, trying to get past a cage made of steel. Strong legs are for flightless harpies. Even if she sticks a claw inside, electricity isn't like a laser beam, it'll still jump to the cage instead and nothing says you can't have a second smaller cage inside anyway. You'll be fine!

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b431f2 No.351001

File: 3cae3090ec3390b⋯.jpg (57.83 KB,591x591,1:1,84820c91cfa40c46243be2f715….jpg)

>>350913

>>350981

Guys guys guys, there a better way to deal with this.

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3feecf No.351002

>>351001

>KFC

Fuck that, get her some Church's Chicken

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b34856 No.351006

>>351001

>african food

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b431f2 No.351026

>>351006

Exactly

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871960 No.351091

File: cc65cddbdc13a47⋯.png (296.15 KB,835x743,835:743,Cupid17.png)

>cupid qt

well I could probably go full sec and go tazer + pepper spray + zip ties

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77ce31 No.351096

>>351091

The arrows would stay nonlethal, I hope.

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1f076c No.351112

>>351026

None of them were talking about Hellhounds, though.

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b431f2 No.351126

>>351112

No…..I was talking abut the thunderbirds and harpies in general. Traumatize them with some chicken

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a097f5 No.351128

>>351126

You do know that birds eat other birds, right?

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b431f2 No.351129

>>351126

Fuck, wait. Cannibalism among harpies?

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1f076c No.351133

>>351126

I was making a joke about hellhounds being black

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a6a365 No.351321

File: 5d94bb2ee058e0e⋯.gif (995.34 KB,500x281,500:281,001ecaec1c9bc9c1e6e88723a3….gif)

File: 129da2e2f50b261⋯.jpg (99.43 KB,459x690,153:230,1473390003302.jpg)

If she has access to shares, she'll probably destroy my entire house and probably everyone on the block at least, and there won't be anything I could do about it.

If she doesn't, I could probably deal with a ~5 foot tall skinny girl for about 5 minutes.

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7724bb No.351341

File: a28d357bd64ff13⋯.jpg (219.85 KB,1152x2048,9:16,Ratatoskr zilch.jpg)

Easy.

>Grasp tail firmly

>Brush the tail

>Stroke the tail

>Huff the tail

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278648 No.351346

File: 44a3bbd8467a941⋯.jpg (49.84 KB,540x582,90:97,1465325919362-3.jpg)

File: def4dc61b45d946⋯.jpg (126.93 KB,734x581,734:581,Mermaid Diet.jpg)

>>351129

>implying it's cannibalism when a hawk devours a seagull.

>>351126

Harpies wouldn't care, they're totally different species. Just like mermaids don't care when it comes to eating fish.

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7341da No.352030

>jump out of the window as sandworm obliterates the entire block

>run to the car while she digs herself out

>hopefully concrete will slow her down slightly

>let her catch up after 5 minutes

>tell her she just destroyed a city and we need to get out of there before the army shows up

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5962c0 No.352032

>>352030

>Casually letting your waifu commit mass murder

That's no good.

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7341da No.352034

>>352032

How am I supposed to stop her?

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43fc99 No.352048

>>352034

You need to proactively date her before she gets the chance to proactively date you.

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acc8c5 No.352052

>>352034

I think Sandwormfags have it among the hardest. Despite that, I think I might have a way you can win. Believe it or not, I think you have to go on the offensive. A Sandworm's outer hide is obviously immune to anything you could have access to, but I'm pretty sure the inside is vulnerable. Best chance I see for you is to don a tight-fitting gas/oxygen mask, douse yourself in pepper spray or something similar and strap as many tazers as you can afford to yourself. Once she appears, rush her and dive into her 'mouth'. 5 minutes inside a disoriented, spasming and likely panicked Sandworm will not be easy, but it'll be safer than being outside of her.

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1fd2d4 No.352055

>danuki waifu

Withdrawal life savings. Buy gold coins. Throw them at her to keep her distracted.

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b34856 No.352065

File: 47d0d5e26a3fc94⋯.jpeg (65.43 KB,605x558,605:558,7AB22757-0447-4BB1-9592-8….jpeg)

>>352030

Sandworms are called sandworms because they tunnel through sand. An obvious observation, but that means she probably will have a lot of difficulty moving through anything toughr since her species is designed to travel through loose material and nothing like solidly packed dirt or concrete. She may try and snake around on the surface, but I don’t imagine that being her specialty. Try and place barricades to slow her down in front of your house and park your car a small distance away. Also get good insurance ahead of time to cover the utter annihilation of your home.

>>352055

Beware pic related.

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dedc8a No.352108

>>352065

>sandworm waifu

>utter annihilation of his home

If he manages to survive the 5 minutes, I'd say his housing problems are solved for the short-to-mid term, at least.

The insurance would still help cover the cost of his stuff and the value of his house, but he won't want for shelter.

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247c42 No.352127

File: c52ea29859c4283⋯.png (397.71 KB,507x496,507:496,1394179336450.png)

>>352065

>get Daunki'd so hard in 5 minutes that all your property gets repo'd despite you paying for it outright

>get into debt the size of a mid-sized country's GDP

>before the 5 minutes are up you have a who's who of collectors, leg-breakers and PMCs after you

Fucking danukis.

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278648 No.352128

>>352034

Jump in her mouth. Sure the worm on the outside is big and strong, but inside is squishy, delicate and sensitive. There are probably a ton of options open to you then.

There was a hilarious story about an arab that was swallowed by a malevolant sandworm and subsequently escaped. It was based on the grimderp version of MGE but his strategy would still be applicable in this situation. If anyone knows the story I'm talking about a link would be nice, I can't find it.

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61accc No.352129

>>352127

>5 minutes pass

>she becomes normal

>fixes the entire mess in half the time

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ac0a13 No.352187

File: 394aba685a03d03⋯.png (1.41 MB,986x1342,493:671,Angel.png)

Um…

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b34856 No.352196

>>352187

You have anything to add to that?

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e046dd No.352201

File: 4ccf9d1924ff7c1⋯.jpg (148.66 KB,1024x1446,512:723,52375358_p0.jpg)

Holy shit a thread I can add something to.

My plan is foolproof 25% of the time

>live in a 350+ year old wooden house with no isolation to speak of

>3 floors, largest room is downstairs

Plan is as follows

>bar all the windows and both lower doors

>bar all the windows and doors upstairs+haul all the heavy ass old furniture in the cramped hallway, would create a 3 to 4m long baricade of solid oak and various other materials

>barricade myself in the attic

>flip off the breaker

All I need to count is winter. it turns the house into a refrigerator with -20celsius temperatures , and I seriously doubt that foot thick solid beam walls are easily penetrable so its probably a viable plan in summer as well

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e046dd No.352202

>>352201

Forgot to mention one vital thing. To reach floor 2, she'd have to breach the first one, steps are on the outside and easily colapsible, same with attic ladders. In essence 3 layers of relatively similar protection.

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2998a4 No.352203

>>352201

>>352202

> it turns the house into a refrigerator with -20celsius temperatures

>making a lamia fight through 3 floors and all that wooden shit

The plan is to keep yourself safe, not fucking kill your waifu in cold blood

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e046dd No.352204

>>352203

Hey, nothing stops me from making a bonfire in the yard, and I can get down from the attic e-z with only some risk. Would need a rope tho.

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278648 No.352210

>>352201

It could potentially be 50% of the time since cold blooded things can't deal with extreme heat either. How hot are the summers where you live?

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e046dd No.352222

>>352210

gets up to +45 fam thanks to humidity but not inside

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52a28a No.352239

>>352196

I'm not sure what the rampage would look like, so I'm uncertain how I'd even begin to prepare. She's not very powerful (but not especially weak either) as far as angels go, but resorting to demonic/unholy measures to hold her off would probably be unforgivable and I don't know what else would work against divine energy. On the other hand, her powers could be tied to positive emotions, so this "rage" would result in her being unable to access them (in which case conventional barricading should be sufficient).

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247c42 No.352351

>>352129

>rage danuki anticipates this

>initiates counter-counter danuki

>normal daunki has to counter-counter-counter danuki

>

You're in for a wild ride anon.

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9ea8c7 No.370345

>>352351

>the ride never ends

On a more serious note, how tf would I survive an owl mage?

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8f2b73 No.370403

File: ecba651b865888a⋯.jpg (42.22 KB,600x366,100:61,4640681-booty warrior.jpg)

>Alp

>Day 1: Buy kiddie pool and inflate in living room

>Day 2: Fill with lube

>Wait

>MFW portal opens

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c9f9f7 No.370407

>>370345

>Owl mages are wise, have great night vision and cast magic with their gaze.

>Limit her ability to fly and make the ground as comfy as possible.

>Wear protective clothing to counter her talons.

>Tackle from behind, attempt to gag and blindfold to take limit her ability to cast magic.

>Don't forget she still can use her wings and legs.

>WAIT THE FULL FIVE MINUTES OR MORE (She might fake being docile and attack you, owl mages are wise after all).

Congratulation you now have a owl mage at your mercy and probably will develop a kink for gagging and blindfolding.

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fc61f5 No.370411

>>350358

is there anymore of this?

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d21a86 No.370412

>Sandworm waifu

>Merely teleporting in destroys the entire house

>Can't take refuge in my now destroyed house

>No way in hell I'd make it in time to my car, start it up, and accelerate to the point to outrun her

>In the off chance I do, she most likely could outrun the car

I'm pretty much fucked. Honestly, my best bet, if I survive the initial ordeal of her destroying my house upon entry, is just to let her eat me, and just pray she doesn't rip me to shreds beforehand, that I end up in the stomach in one piece. A 5 minute or so stomach acid bath should be survivable, I think. That is, assuming she could spit me back up. I don't like my chances. Sandworms are OP.

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9f6a68 No.370415

>>370412

Sandworms don't eat their husbands, what is this slander?

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d21a86 No.370418

>>370415

In a murderous frenzy like in OP's scenario, they would.

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ceea35 No.370607

>>370412

>>352065

I don’t imagine sandworms to be particularly effective in non-desert environments and she is probably going to be dazed for a few seconds by just teleporting into what will quickly become a pile of rubble. If your car is far enough and on you could probably make it.

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d29323 No.370613

>>370412

>>352052 might be your best chance.

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bc7fe2 No.370618

>>370412

Sandworms are able to size-shift their shells. She’d probably be made to shrink down to minimum before going through, hopefully she’ll stay small for maneuverability or just not think to grow.

Come to think of it, why aren’t the portal managers on the other side not loading these girls down with magic restraints before sending them through?

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b24b95 No.370620

>>370618

Dear God your right

>be me

>lazy ass portal operator

>somebody questions me about "magical restraints"

>tell her to fuck off and no such thing exists

>after I'm done with my shift I sell all the magical restraints I was supposed to give out

>now you might be thinking what about the anons?

>fuckem they need the exercise anyways

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d21a86 No.370623

>>370607

>If your car is far enough and on you could probably make it.

Not the piece of shit, I'm currently driving.

>>370613

I don't know how you'd even be able to strap on tasers without managing to shock yourself, and considering you're jumping into a slimy, wet shell, wouldn't the chances of shocking yourself increase? And with that many, I imagine you'd have the potential to stop your heart and kill, if not yours, hers. I guess you gotta take whatever precaution you can to try to holdout and beat the clock, but that's just as risky as my original plan and more expensive.

>>370618

>Spoiler

The portal keeper is on vacation, and a wurm is filling in.

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f4c9a1 No.370772

>>370623

48 hours might be long enough to build a killdozer if you don't sleep.

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7ccbaf No.370966

File: b8e582cab9b9e64⋯.jpg (121.86 KB,850x401,850:401,wizard round.jpg)

>>351091

>being a valid-hunting piece of shit that needs to rely on stuns and red cool aid spray.

>Not talking your way into cargo, moving up in the ranks, taking over the QM position, taking over the station's economy with Pizza and favors, and finally getting enough leverage that you amend the AI's laws to enforce celibacy.

I will not be reduced to the same primordial urges that I fight against. My words and grit alone will save my soul.

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d21a86 No.370981

>>370772

I doubt that the killdozer would even hold up against a sandworm. She could smash it and probably devour it.

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f4c9a1 No.371020

>>370981

Not if the hull is covered in razor wire.

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e39926 No.371078

File: d3ca742d1eb925a⋯.png (748.57 KB,1332x629,36:17,OwlMage_eng1.png)

>>370966

>he saved the thumbnail

get your shit together

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32d496 No.397564

File: a3545891d37c78a⋯.jpg (13.29 KB,380x325,76:65,axe.jpg)

>lock dog on the balcony

>put on tactical gloves

>take axe from under my bed

>play aggro hard music at full blast from the speakers which are directed at the door

>portal opens

>the wisp is hit back by the loudness of aggro/dark hard music (180bpm tops)

>i opened the window in my room prior to her arrival

>wisp sees me

>slowly hovers towards me with as much as malice and ill intent as i have in my eyes

>the second she crosses the doorway, I cave in her skull in with the axe blade

>music is still blasting at full volume

>vocal excerpt

He was called Lucifer

>the axe gets stuck in the ectoplasm

>yank it out

>it disfigures her face as i pull the axe out but reforms quickly back to its original state

>she burns me with her flames

>I scream in pain and the axe handle gets charred a bit

>flames intesify

>i turn the axeblade to face me and the blunt end towards her

>3 minutes left

>I go apeshit and release the anger ive kept inside for years, beating her cage into scrap metal

>i get closer whilst swinging with full force

>instead of rage, i see genuine shock and fear in her eyes

>she grabs me by the throat and starts to choke me but I cant feel it

>axe gets stuck in her right side and she flinches

>axe is slowly pushed out of her ribs and the wound heals

>Im starting to feel a grasp forming on my throat

>no outwards pressure

>my larynx is tightening and the pain is unbearable

>1 minute left

>focus my weight to my back and legs

>yank myself out of her grasp

>cough blood, wipe it off and block her right upper

>she swings again with a left hook

>audible crack from my jaw, its displaced

>push it back and kick her in the stomach, making her stumble

>i make it for the axe

>shes trying to slam her entire bodyweight on me with her cage

>i can somehow redirect its direction with the help of the axe

>shes caved into the floor near my bed and she starts screaming out of frustration

>10 seconds left

>I hold the axe to her throat until she calms down

>pull her out and put her on a sofa, placing the axe on her throat in case

>shes too exhausted and falls asleep

>drop the axe book it to the shower and douse off the still burning little flames

>go for a smoke

>release doggo to greet our new guest

I could have gone with the holy water and blessings shtick but i figured it would be interesting to fight fear with fear.

im not a murderer, just had a very shit life

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945a88 No.397565

File: be67dad99ce7c4d⋯.jpg (13.36 KB,224x216,28:27,Mcfucking kill yourself.jpg)

>>397564

>Monster abuse

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09ebd9 No.397569

>>397565

Its a scenario where you fight for your life. No shit your instincts kick in regardless if you were informed prior or not.

>kys

One day

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99b644 No.397576

>can't decide on waifu species

>no clue what will come for me mge random page is your friend for writing

>couple hours before mystery waifu appears dress in motorcycle gear and position bike to make a quick getaway

>lock dogs outside, cats in back bedroom

>just start throwing shit into a huge pile at the front door choke point

>hear the portal open

>wait a few seconds and rush out the door

>get on bike and position myself to watch the door

>as i come to a stop a hakutaku comes stumbling out

>i rev the engine, catching her attention, and book it out of the neighborhood

>run many stops signs getting out

>she, being a hakutaku, is smart enough to know what's going on and calculate shortcuts even in her rage

>though not the physically strongest monster means she's mostly just watching my movement patterns to predict my turns as i refuse to use my turn signal here

>fast, but probably not fast enough to catch me on my motorcycle, i just lead her through the neighborhood in an intense game of tag

>5 minutes in, she's exhausted from running, but has calmed down

>i ride around and ask if she wants a ride back home

>clean up and let her rest a bit before getting to the good stuff

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945a88 No.397667

File: bec7d3f9daefa59⋯.png (1.15 MB,1000x814,500:407,Waifu abuse chart2.png)

>>397569

It was still needlessly graphic and edgy, and other anons managed to survive and cause only property damage.

You have no excuses for what you wrote.

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9fdf6d No.397668

>>397564

kys faggot

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b4f76b No.397669

>>397667

why do people make those, waifu abuse should be illegal

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34ee25 No.397745

>>349065

>Minotaur

>Just hang a shit-ton of red stuff from the ceiling

>wastes time just swatting at stuff on the ceiling

>5 minutes go by and no longer in murder mode

>I would say profit but now your hips are in grave danger

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9364c9 No.397748

>>349083

Way to drive her crazy

>>349088

This plan just blows

>>349093

You'll have earned yourself a good raking after that

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34ee25 No.397751

>>349250

For the smoke grenades to work, you'd probably need two or three and allow at least 30seconds to a minute for the smoke cloud to build . having a ceiling fan on low might work well to spread it all around.

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34ee25 No.397763

>>349859

>counting every coin

Nah anon, that's the way to stop a Danuki

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028f0c No.397784

File: e9b07c82736ed0f⋯.png (152.57 KB,900x900,1:1,carlos.png)

>>397748

goddamnit carlos

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d0e8dd No.397828

File: 7cab8d92c445938⋯.gif (982.21 KB,500x272,125:68,Bruce_Lee.gif)

File: 2e80ca1694d89a3⋯.jpg (597.11 KB,2000x2500,4:5,Waifu.jpg)

>Mantis waifu

I gotta find a way to not end up like the mate of a real mantis.

>Be me

>Live alone in hunting lodge

>Find out about waifu coming in 2 days

>Hastily drive to nearest town to visit the library

>Grab every book and manual centered around self-defence and combat

>Dude with trucker hat and sunglasses gazes at me and starts to follow me

>The dude gives me a bag of sand, saying it will prove useful in whatever I'm preparing for

>Accept it and stuff it in my pocket to stop him from following

>Stop by sports store to find arm guards claiming to be cut-resistant

>Enter another store and take time buying transparent duct tape and bug spray

>Drive back home and spend the rest of the day reading all of my combat books and manuals

>Day 2

>Go outside

>Find a deer and axe-kick its back in half

>Get into fight with bear, block all of its swipes with arm guards, and put it into headlock

>Holy shit, I feel like Bruce Lee

>Get back to lodge and cover up all doorways in the living room with clear duct tape

>Attach bug spray can and leftover tape on belt, adjust arm guards, and wait on other side of duct tape barrier

>Just as I check my watch, a portal materializes and cute mantis waifu steps out

>She turns around and her cold eyes dig into me with bloodlust

>Point at her and yell

"Give me all you got!"

>Bug chick only replies with silence and rapidly jumps towards me, only to get caught by my duct tape barrier

>She falls down covered in tape with her quick jerking only wrapping herself more and more

>This goes on for a minute

>Start laughing hysterically

>Big mistake

>She takes the chance to trip me as I laugh, then proceeds to move in a flurry of swipes, instantly shedding the tape into confetti

>Jump on legs and raise arms quickly enough to block a slash with a rush of adrenaline

>Start walking around the lodge, simultaneously blocking most of her attacks

>Kudos to the authors of those self-defence books

>Parry one of her scythes with my bleeding arm and sweep her legs with a kick

>Attempt to restrain her arms to the ground with leftover tape

>Her agility proves superior and flips me over, then straddling me

>Grab bug spray, but she knocks it out of my hand

>Shit

>Reach into pocket to find anything useful

>Feel something really grainy

>God bless you creepy trucker dude

>Look at her with a smile that could rival a chesire cat

>Yank hand out of pocket and open it directly in front of her face

POCKET SAND!

>Waifu falls back, rubbing her eyes

>Check watch and notice 6 minutes had already passed since her entrance

>Realize she was already normal once she straddled me

>Oh fuck

>Carry her to sink to wash the sand out of her eyes

>Dry her face and ask her if she was okay

>She only stares with a stone-face while I hear the soft click of my belt being unbuckled

"Why don't we take this to bed?"

1 night of handholding and cuddling sex later

>Be me

>Live with mantis waifu in hunting lodge

>Wake up to see her gazing with the slightest smile on her soft face

>Spend the rest of the day hunting and pummeling bears and deer with mantis waifu

God, I hope for DOTR soon.

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494cf5 No.397829

File: 441fa9641c0e6c9⋯.png (8.21 KB,742x438,371:219,775f14bcf65b38e035ead066aa….png)

>>397828

You forgot something. It's pic related.

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d0e8dd No.397831

File: b2a4490f7d2a603⋯.jpg (19.74 KB,500x367,500:367,1557889217884.jpg)

>>397829

I guess I did. The fact that I left it out really bugs me

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eaeb15 No.397842

File: fce1f6dc1a242e6⋯.png (213.54 KB,506x963,506:963,1492396333399.png)

>>349065

I don't make any preparations at all.

I just overpower her and licky lick her for 5 minutes until she calms down, and then everything's good.

Cyclops waifu for the win.

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0fcd4f No.397879

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

>>349065

I'm not exactly sure who will be on the other side of the portal. But I can't say I'm not prepared. A while ago, I decided to go um, you know, full ♂master♂ and change my whole entire house into a ♂dungeon♂ and uh, so that's what I'm doing right now. I'm ♂dungeon♂master♂ with a full ♂dungeon♂ in my house and uh, it's going really well. I'm a ♂master♂ and I don't, I don't enjoy getting tied up or, or uh, being a bottom, so um, I guess, you know, it's part of my personality.

Once they step through their portal into my house, um, then, you know, I'm the ♂master♂. They're not allowed to make requests once they're in my ♂dungeon♂. They'll be bound up once they uh, enter, you know, with ~ThunderRemix~ playing at full blast on the stereo. I have this long, ♂latex♂glove♂ that goes all the way up to my armpit and uh, then I put it on um, a ♂surgical♂latex♂glove♂, just up to my wrist. And just ♂lube♂it♂up♂ and uh, it's a long process, you know, to get your whole arm up there.

My ♂dungeon♂, well, there's three rooms. One is for Japanese torture rock garden. Has a huge rock boulder in the middle of it. And uh, they can get torture in the middle of the room, it's very minimal. And uh, there's a Chinese room, it's uh, like an opium den, um, everything is red and uh, I do some uh, bondage stuff in there and then uh, my main ♂dungeon♂, is uh, is the uh, the lab, I call it the lab, because it's all white. And uh, mirrors everywhere.

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