/monster/ - The Last Bastion of Romance

>get family out of the house

>climb into attic

>keep attic door open and poke my head out so her attention is focused on me and she doesn't leave the house in search of other people to harm

>wait 5 minutes and then send the ladder down

My home = my castle

>>349071

What species is she? What’s to stop her from just getting chairs or a drawer and climbing up to you or just annhilating your ceiling?

>waifu is a Dormouse

Lace some cheese with a sedative, shove it into her mouth and close the door.

>>349083

>barrier of fruniture

Nigger unless your sofa is made of reinforced concrete I doubt that's going to hold her for more than three seconds

>>349085

Get in a car near the room when she comes, then drive. DON'T FUCKING STOP.

>>349085

It's the best I can do. An ushi is immune to pain, so dropping nails or broken glass won't work. I am completely aware that any barricade will by me a few seconds at most, and my car won't guarantee my safety. God, why do I like dangerous girls so much? I could probably lock away a kikimora.

>salamander waifu

I would collect plenty of steel bars to scatter them all over the room and pick them up one by one as a weapon to block her sword. Maybe toss in a few rakes for slapstick comedy.

>>349088

So long as you’re in the same room, it works. You can have a massive barricade and it will still work so long as you’re in the room.

>>349095

I win then.

>tfw shoggothfag and all the time spent arguing about why shoggoths are better has made me realize the hopelessness of my scenario

>>349103

Not necessarily. Shirohebi are adept with water magic and the cold will only slow her down. I don’t know how strong shirohebi are, but pray she doesn’t have the strength of a firehose or greater.

>>349098

Tranquilizers have a very large variable of time until they are effective often taking several minutes. However if you provide a lethal amount you can probably subdue her within the 5 minutes and keep her alive if you are careful and carry an antidote.

>>349114

What about a semi-automatic tranquilizer gun. Is that a thing?

>>349114

>she appears

>you take aim with the tranq gun

>she fires a spine at you

>you're high as fuck on manticore venom and she's strung out on tranquilizer

Solid plan, /k/-kun

>>349112

>that fan

If you can receive that fan within 48 hours and fit it in your home, it certainly will be effective.

>below 32 degrees, and lamia are coldblooded?

That’s why I said it will slow her down. I can’t find how snakes react to sudden cold though, so maybe she’ll stop dead in her tracks.

>>349115

A semiautomatic only means he can get more shots off, the real factor is the dosage applied, and with a semi it may end up being too lethal.

>>349106

Shoggoth. Is there any anti-eldritch devices, incantations, also does magic work when she arrives. If so, then you can use some magic.

>>349121

Once the event starts magic will slowly begin to work its way into reality. However magic based mamono will carry their mana with them, so they have a sort of “battery” to start. The problems for me though are: 1. it will be very weak once she arrives, 2. no one knows anything about it, so I can’t learn it and 3. my personal affinity for magic could be between zilch and grand wizard.

>>349124

He's hiding in the forest then, so start stalking.

>>349125

If she is Lovecraftian, and you know somewhere to find some Lovecraft works, then you can use it. I mean this is the normal human world, so get goin finding some anti-shoggoth things

>>349117

So, am I in the clear

>>349132

Use human shields when you are running away.

>>349133

Too many variables to say. Layout of your home, placement of fan, weight of snek, strength of snek + strength of snek magic, how snek in cold is handled. You would probably make it if you book it in a car with all these delays. Hope your bank account survives the aftermath and cleanup. Also remember you need to warm her up asap when it’s over so she doesn’t die.

What if you have no waifu? Let's say hypothetically you are Normalfag scum who prefers real women, but enjoys the concepts provided by /monster/?

Asking for a friend. What would come out of the portal?

>>349139

An alp. But the kicker is the homicidal 5 minutes is extended indefinitely.

>>349139

>no waifu

Shit son it looks like you're getting alped

>>349138

Still worth it.

>>349140

Put him in <insert group of people you hate>

>>349142

That seems needlessly complicated. Why not just buy a couple of crates of Legos and empty them into the room she'll be appearing in?

>>349140

Note to self. Avoid portals.

>>349155

What? I'm sure she'd stop playing with them once she got hungry enough.

>>349131

Nothing can save the shogfags.

It was the utter, objective embodiment of the fantastic novelist’s ‘thing that should not be’; and its nearest comprehensible analogue is a vast, onrushing subway train as one sees it from a station platform—the great black front looming colossally out of infinite subterraneous distance, constellated with strangely coloured lights and filling the prodigious burrow as a piston fills a cylinder.

But we were not on a station platform. We were on the track ahead as the nightmare plastic column of foetid black iridescence oozed tightly onward through its fifteen-foot sinus; gathering unholy speed and driving before it a spiral, re-thickening cloud of the pallid abyss-vapour. It was a terrible, indescribable thing vaster than any subway train—a shapeless congeries of protoplasmic bubbles, faintly self-luminous, and with myriads of temporary eyes forming and unforming as pustules of greenish light all over the tunnel-filling front that bore down upon us, crushing the frantic penguins and slithering over the glistening floor that it and its kind had swept so evilly free of all litter. Still came that eldritch, mocking cry—“Tekeli-li! Tekeli-li!” And at last we remembered that the daemoniac shoggoths—given life, thought, and plastic organ patterns solely by the Old Ones, and having no language save that which the dot-groups expressed—had likewise no voice save the imitated accents of their bygone masters.

—H.P. Lovecraft, At the Mountains of Madness

>>349166

No….I mean to delay her for five minutes. I know you can't. Wait what.?

>>349166

While I don’t think KC intended the shoggoth to be greater than the size of a subway train, she is a crawling pool of liquid knives, hammers and acid.

>Be me

>Doing fuck all in my house son a Saturday

>Get a message on my phone

>Your waifu will come to you in 2 days. She will come to you through a portal. You must be here when she arrives

>Is this real

>Immediately assume it's a joke

>2 hours later I get another message with a scale

>Okay, I'm less doubtful

>Receive a squirrel from a portal

>lil' shit tried to claw me until it stopped after 5 minutes

>Okay I'm on board

>Receive the next message

>Shirohebi

>Instantly remembered what it means

>Nice, kind, devoted

>Yet she will try to kill me with all her might for 5 minutes when she arrives

>FUCK ME

>Immediately go to buy a hovercraft and every fan in the area

>My wallet is crying as I speak from the buying

>Also buy a massive heater

>Well since I'll chill her, and she's coldblooded, I gotta

>I don't want to kill my waifu. Also prison isn't nice

1 DAY LATER

>My house is cold, everything is on, my bill is through the roof, and I have everything ready

>Remember that she has magic

>Plan to get in car if the plan fails

>Have timer for the 5 minutes of hell

>20 minutes left

>Pray to god 5 times so I don't become a fucking pile of meat after this

>5 minutes left

>The heavy fan from that hovercraft is full steam

10

9

8

7

6

5

4

3

2

1

>Portal opens and she arrives

>Turn on timer

>Massive snek arrives

>Everything I imagined her to be: white hair, fair complexion, and a hot body

>She is confused then…

>She notices me

>My face literally is pale at this moment

>She instantly tried to use her tail to get me crushed

>Dodged it but she pulls it back

>Dodge that as well

>Head fast into the building

>She follows with a fury

>1 minute already in

>God help me

>Get in and turn on the massive fan

>She heads into the room

>The temperature is making her dizzy but still motivated

>Up the power at 1/4

>She struggling but still moving closer and closer

>Up at 1/2 of full power

>Get's pushed back but her eyes say otherwise

>Uses some spell to try and blast fan

>Misses but hits wall damaging parts of the house and the fan

>Not at 3/4th full power as I hoped

>2 minutes in, this will be easy

>She uses her body to propel herself to the fan.

>FUCK

>Fan is broken from her throwing herself

>2 minutes 27 seconds in

>Didn't even think about it

>Run throughout the building, she breaks a wall to find me

>Get out fast

>Head to car and try and find keys

>See her psycho face

>Turn on you son of bitch

>Did get moving

>Stepped on it

>1 minutes 43 seconds left

>Head into main road of suburbs

>58 seconds left

>Almost cheer, then

>I hit her instanly

>NO NO NO

>She moderately hurt, but my car's wrecked from the impact

>More money down the drain

>28 seconds left

>I leave the car, she bruised as hell. Some bones might be broken

>I cry cause in my attempt at a waifu, I might've killed her

>15

>Oh god

>14

>13

>12

>Please don't die on me

>10

>9

>It can't end like this

>7

>6

>I'm not letting it end like this

>5

>4

>3

>1

>My alarm rung, and phone receives a message

>"Well done. Don't worry, she can take worse than what you did"

>Immediately grab her up from it

>Damn she heavy, but I still do it anyway

>She's freezing but still alive

>"ehhhhhhh…"

>"It's alright. I got you."

>I reg…no……I don't

>I use the car as a massive heater for her

>She starts to regain consciousness

>"Wh……who are you"

>Don't know what to say

>I blurt "I'm your lover"

>She holds my hand tight

>"Really"

>I respond

>"Yeah, really"

>My car is ruined, but fuck it.

>My house as well

>I'm in debt, have a ruined house, and a uncertain future

>She's worth it. She's worth all of it.

>>349132

>Alice is your waifu.

No worries.

Step 1: Hang up some posters from ghost-related movies around the house and throw a white bedsheet over yourself like you're some Scooby Doo villain pretending to be a ghost.

Step 2: Set out a veritable buffet of delicious and exotic foods around the house.

Step 3: Try to find some plush dolls that look like foxes or kitsunes and distribute them around the house in easy to see places.

The fox and kitsune dolls will probably draw aggro, especially if she is too crazed to tell that they are fakes. Alice is Alice, so no matter how much of a bloodrage she is in, she's too much of a foodie to pass up new dishes. If those distractions do not buy you enough time, the ghost disguise will spook her enough that she won't be able to attack you.

>>349126

>>349120

>>349118

>>349116

>>349114

Manticore spines don't immoblize you they just make you incredibly horny while also giving you the biggest boner you can have in your life. If anything if you should be using horse tranqs. you are also more likely be fucking her unconcious body just to relieve the spine. Hope you like your manticore to wake up covered in your baby batter. [spoiler] she possible wouldn't mind it either [spoiler\]

>>349166

Is this the final victory of the kikifags?

>>349083

Okay, after some thinking I have come up with a plan. If physical barriers don't work, I'm going to trick and drug the ever living shit out of her.

Fill my house with cameras, so I can see where she is and what she is doing. I'll need some smoke grenades, a fuckton of weed, sedatives, a gas mask, remote activated tape recorders, and I'll turn my amps onto a really loud metal song. I'll also park my car a ways away, out of sight and so she is unlikely to hear it. A few minutes before she appears, I'll burn the weed, which will hopefully slow her down. Just before she appears, I'll throw the smoke grenade, and then run before she realizes there is a person there. My footsteps will be masked by the music hopefully. I'd prepare some strong smelling food beforehand and lace it with the sedative, a lot so that it will take some time for her to get through it. By the time she is finished, (or if she ignores it) I'll activate the recorder I placed under the fridge, tell her that she won't get into my basement (which does not exist). She will either attack the fridge, or will try digging my floor out to try to get to me. While distracted, I'll get into my car and drive. Hopefully she will be distracted for a while, and if she does notice that my car leaving she will be too drugged to pursue me.

>>349246

>I could subdue a slavering, amorphous mass of teeth, madness, and doom

Sure thing buddy.

>Kikimora waifu

>Charge tazer

>Stop by liquor store for a bottle of everclear.

>Stop by harbor freight and get some bungee cord and zip ties.

>Ask manager for a day off.

>When the day arrives, put on my thicker clothes and my plate carrier.

>Prepare everything within reach in living room and wait.

>As soon as she appears, charge into her and pin her with my body weight + plates.

>Taze her.

>Try to put her in a strangle hold until she starts to pass out.

>Tie her limbs with bungee cord and zip ties. Taze again if needed.

>Force everclear down her throat to get her nice and drunk.

>Wait.

>Waifu acquired.

>>349250

>weed grenades

Somebody stop this madman.

>>349297

>spritzing a hellhound

Thank you anon, my sides are now in orbit

>>349192

Good job, nigga.

>>349181

Hmmm. Time for a plan.

>Hide the critters I keep

>Dress up people that make up a certain list with 'I love kitsune' t shirts after inviting them over with false pretenses

>Clean out every confectionery in the city and scatter all the pieces all over the house

>Place airsoft guns with dango ammunition as sentries wherever I can

>Barricade myself in bedroom using a wall made of chocolate

>Stand ready with ghost posters on wall, sheet over self, clutching yet another airsoft gun loaded with dango

She removes the annoying people that cause me problems, and gets hungry doing it. Since I've made sure to scatter all the food in bite sized portions everywhere this is going to slow her down. Still going to use the ghost posters and scooby doo disguise just to be on the safe side, because we've all played MGQ and know what Alice can do. I need to cover all my bases.

Once the five minutes is up we can get to baby making practice

>a ~450lb, 13-ft long snek is now on a murderous rampage inside my home

Would prayer work? Because I'm fugged otherwise.

>Honey badgergirl.

>I'm ten to the hundredth power of fucked.

>Buy as much pure (and local) honey as I can get.

>Buy some grubs, look up how to fry them with honey.

>Apples as well.

>A few big ass water melons.

>Poach a deer the night before, clean it and set it on a tarp in the middle of the room

>Wait in the crawlspace, rubber buck shot and slugs in my shotty.

>After six minutes, present myself with a gift of head pats and belly rubs.

>Offer to wash her in the bath as she has to be covered in honey, fruit bits, grubs and blood.

>>349250

Nah, don't do weed flower. Get hash or hash oil, like an ounce or so of high strength indica. Put it in an oil diffuser and set that in your air vents in a central point. Would recommend using distillate hash oil if possible, typically stronger THC content without sacrificing the terpine profile (terpines are almost as important as the THC is to get a desired effect).

>>349360

>Only people left alive after DotR are autists on /monster/ that prepped

Not too sure how I feel about this. On one hand it meas a lot of widows. On the other hand, survival of the fittest … etc

Random scenarios:

>get notice that waifu is going to show up, probably in my living room

>spend next two days getting house tidied up

>night before waifu is supposed to show up, forget to set alarm

>wake up late, 10 minutes to waifu

>oh dammit

>take a quick shower and get dressed

>gotta be presentable

>3 minutes to waifu

>now for the important part

>get the coffee maker ready

>waifu should be here in 3,2,1…

>huh, I expected something more dramatic

>pour a couple cups

>go back to the living room

>make sure to step around the angry flopping mermaid on the floor

>spend the next 5 minutes looking her over

>>349359

>Of course I can always just hire another maid to become the target of her ire should she escape.

>hire maid

>shoggoth shows up

>shove maid into shoggoths path and run

>you now have two shoggoths assuming you survive

Also forgot another step.

>4.5. Set out large wooden base to epoxy the chamber to so it doesn’t tip.

>>349360

So long as they have a bit of strength or money for help and can take a loan, the other shogfags should be fine.

>>349363

It requires they 1. have a monster waifu and 2. be present in the room for it to occur, so the death toll probably isn’t as bad as you think.

>>349367

Don’t worry, I only search craigslist for the most 3DPD maid possible with the worst reviews to be bait.

>>349359

>>349369

> be femanon

> things are pretty rough

> not autistic enough for NEETbucks

> not normalfag enough to get a real job

> can't even get a hotel maid job

> reduced to freelance housekeeper

> irregular income, no benefits, no security

> can't even afford a uniform

> clients fit into one of two categories:

> first thinks you're a hooker

> usually send you away without paying once they realize you're there to literally polish their actual physical doorknobs

> second realizes comparative advantage in paying a freelancer rather than clean up something nasty themselves

> those jobs range from "this is why I don't eat before work" to "I think I should call the EPA"

> neither type gives you good reviews

> self esteem pretty low

> you've started to unironically browse /cuckquean/

> show up at latest job

> what a dump, looks like a Type II

> weird guy greets you at the door

> looks like the villain from a Lovecraft novel

> stalls you with awkward small talk

> maybe a Type I after all?

> been checking his watch a lot, suddenly hurries you inside

> Is that a summoning circle?!

> Shit. Looks like the hypothesized Type III

> "Hire maid to horribly murder her."

> really wish you had a gun right now

> there's an indescribable sound as what you know must be a portal opens and someTHING comes through

> really, really wish you'd listened to /k/

> feel a shove from behind and you stumble towards the mass of writhing tentacles

> last sane thought that goes through your mind is "That little nigger."

< you are interloper

< you are insult to true meidos

< but head maid is merciful

< she has enhanced you

< she will teach you

< first task: hold master so head maid may show him her love

< if you are very good head maid will let you help clean up after them

< why are you running master?

< hEAd mAid haS sO MucH LOVE tO gIVe YOU

>>349367

>3DPD is just doing her job

>doesn't really find any enjoyment out of it

>it just pays the bill

>gets shoggified

>her job is now her favorite thing in life other than her master

These poor savage things will never embrace salvation.

I will have to rape it into them.

>>349359

For shogfags who can't get aluminum oxynitride glass in under 48 hours, I'd recommend thicker walls of fast-setting concrete.

>>349065

Joke's on her I won't be home in 48 hours.

I'm gonna have to pay the housesitter a bit extra though.

>>349473

In that case, if the portal fucks up and she misses the 48 hour mark by one or two weeks;

Buy more plates for my motorcycle gear, suit up, get the bike ready to launch and buy a cricket bat. I live in a nofuns country There isn't a single defenceable point from the centre of the house so as soon as she drops in I'll jam the bat into her belly and take off running. The gear should be enough to hold off the barrage of spines and I'll just have to outride her till the 5 minutes are up.

I hope I don't bash her gorgeous face in.

Said chase will possibly be followed by lots of hugging and apologising or she'll be cheeky and keep it going into the forest where me and my riding gear will be royally fucked

>>349473

Yeah, looking into it more, you'd want to use a combination of concrete blocks, fast-setting liquid concrete, and rebar formwork. Still, building a waterproof concrete box seems a lot more feasible in 48 hours than acquiring ALON sheets. In fact, the only way I've found to get ALON is a custom order from the manufacturers Surmet or American Elements.

>>349506

Shogfags can also make use of the elder sign, would stop the murderhobo feels. Same goes for anyone who's waifu'd a monster of lovecraftian design

>>349526

Or it could make things worse. The signs in The Shadow over Innsmouth are symbols of the Old Ones, an epithet of the star-headed creators of the shoggoths. While these would repel the Deep Ones (the Old Ones owned all the oceans except R'lyeh), they would only encourage a shoggoth to attack you. It's unknown whether these signs are related to the Elder Sign from The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath, or if that Elder Sign has any effect on eldritch entities.

>>349563

>Wait out 5 minute murderhobo feels

After surviving the 5 minutes? The aftermath is gonna be a sweaty, sticky mess from loosening up your waifu's clamjam.

>>349538

Valid. A shame that using the elder sign could end up backfiring, and not like we can find out what would end up happening either. Back to the drawing board.

>>349065

>you must be present when she appears

Why should I be there when she appears? Wouldn't it be a better idea to get far away from an extremely aggressive monster girl and wait for her 5-minute bloodzerker rage to end, especially if she is a larger species, or more magically inclined?

>>349576

Because otherwise she won't show up

I'd rather have a waifu that wants to kill me for the first 5 minutes after we meet than not have one at all, especially being given 48 hours to prepare

>>349576

>not wanting to earn your waifu through murderbrawling and/or elaborate 'tism prisms

Look at this pleb.

>>349655

Worse things will follow that you couldn't even imagine.

>>349660

Just don't let this happen. Either they all go insane, or they go and kill themselves. You want a bunch of lunatic ex-waifus with super strength and magic all around the country killing people and making the Purge look like a restrained event?

Could someone do a story about a white snek who hurt the person after the portal?

I'm just trying to imagine a violent turtle girl and I'm coming up with nothing. I'm not afraid of a kimora so I think it'd be fine. Worst thing that probably happens is a couple of bruises and a little blood. Probably get a shitload of apology pancakes out of it.

>>349685

Actually they might be safer then one-waifufags. If all their waifus are summoned at once in the same place they would probably focus on each other being the closest and most obvious targets.

>>349701

That just makes it even harder on haremfags, because they'd not only have to protect themselves but possibly their waifus from each other.

>>349703

Good point. And if you had one of the lovecraftian ones, all the others might just end up with fried brains.

>>349685

the haremfags that survive would have the right to have one tbh.

>>349740

Get a bat, then some chloroform

>>349744

Bat's a good way to accidentally kill someone. And neat fact about chloroform, it takes at least 5 minutes of inhalation to cause loss of consciousness. Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chloroform

>>349748

Then just the chloroform

>>349749

>murderous frenzy lasts 5 minutes

>chloroform needs at least 5 minutes to take effect

>use chloroform

Well whats stronger then?

>>349752

Set her out a root beer float laced with melatonin. Nobody hates root beer floats, so she's guaranteed to ravenously drink it in her murderous frenzy. Then she'll take a nap.

>Ushi Oni

Would throwing soybeans at her work at distracting her?

>>349753

Does she even know what it is?

>>349759

Won't that piss her off even more?

>>349765

What about bricks?

>>349753

>Nobody hates root beer floats

I'd prefer the two separate.

>>349762

I thought all onis had to count every single bean before they could do shit

So, 5,000 beans should take a lot longer than 5 minutes to count

>>349769

That's vampires. Who would be surprisingly easy to repel for a few minutes, all things considered.

>>349685

Unless they all fight one another. Then it's the best option.

>>34980

> Dies while back is turned when crushed by recliner that pissed vampire threw from porch.

Why don't you use this to get rid of problems?

>build stick hut in area near annoyance (e.g coworker's backyard, skinwalker den, ex's front lawn etc.)

>hide behind hut when waifu appears

>???

>Profit

Another question, do they only want to murder humans or animals too?

>>349814

Good point. Get a chainsaw, cut off you lich's limbs, and stuff a rag in her mouth as soon as she shows up.

>>349831

Anon, chainsaws take time to cut through things, she’ll probably levitate out of your reach and bolt you with magic.

>>349833

I did realize almost immediately after posting that a sharp axe would be a more suitable tool. The point is using the element of surprise to remove her ability to cast magic. Rendering her limbs useless, not necessarily removing them, and silencing her in quick succession is the obvious way to go about it.

Send help, I have to deal with a dragon. I fucking wish I knew a magic number to work so I could just load some rounds that could only bruise and stagger her. I seriously can't think of a better way of dealing with a pissed dragon. What else can I do? Load shotgun shells with confetti?

>>349841

Maybe you should just pick up some bondage lessons and toys.

>>349846

Maybe try getting some shiny ingots and paint them gold. Aluminum foil might help. Perhaps she will instinctually stay near the "treasure" to guard it.

Or try distracting her with a drone blaring recorded insults at her.

>>349846

pretty sure all biological creatures have a horrible time with pepperspray.

but note that humans can still shake it off and so a dragon could probably still shake it off

>>349846

>>349848

Nah just throw coins at her like in that panty raiders story. She'll have to stop to count them, I guarantee it.

>>349842

That might work too, but an axe has the advantage of severing nerves, preventing even slight movements. Breaking the spine would have similar effect, but C4-C6 have to be broken to prevent arm movement. Anything that could quickly break C4-C6 would also have a high chance of killing her, and who knows how fast she could respawn.

>>349909

I always knew undead girls were a way of having a guro fetish without actually hurting the girl, but you guys are really starting to scare me here

>>349065

I honestly don't think I can do anything, my waifu is either a Jinko or Hellhound and I doubt I can do anything to survive, those are the type of MGs that can take a SWAT team and Im the most non-athletic and non-strong guy you have met. I guess I will choose Jinko, only because according to KC she can be made to get "deredere" via Catnip. So I will just bathe myself in catnip, summon her, and pray for the best.

>>349944

Ya'll have some meth? Or another drug that can cause unblinded rage and insanity?

>>349956

Why would I have that if my goal is to mitigate the rage and insanity?

>>349956

Combat insanity with insanity

>>349944

You just aren’t being creative enough. Try laying adhesive all over the floor for a sticky trap woth the lights off, forcing her to wander onto the ground.

>>349993

Now I'm imagining having to shave a Jinko to get all the adhesive off.

>>349993

>Meth darts, no lights, sticky shit suspended across the room and all over the floor

>then hit her with the strobe

Pretty sure this would work for most monsters actually.

>Portal opens

>Front door open

>Wurm comes out looking mad as fuck

>I'm in my car

>Music starts

I've been preparing for this my entire life

>>349603

>>349592

>>349628

Well now knowing my options I have one thing left to do.

>Waifu the entire mg pantheon

>Start excising as much as I can for the 5 minutes of hell

>Look up techniques that would help me fight

>Meditate on the day of reckoning

>The portal opens

UNLEASH

>>349834

Cross only works if you have faith nigger. You might but I sure don't. Garlic is my only option.

I wonder how my mother would like the vampire waifu?

>>349993

Yeah, I thought about something like that latter. Rather than just using catnip on myself I would also place it all over the home to distract her and luckily she will just spend the 5 minutes snuggling up (rather violently I guess) with the room. Also laser pointers.

Im also wondering about the Jinko if I should leave the Karate Kid movies running in the TV, maybe she will just use up the 5 minutes watching it either because she likes it or because she will be complaining about useless karate advice and say it is not done that way. Another possibility is to leave a tape of a tough ass training coach or drill sargeant shouting training routines and hoping she does said routines.

>>350018

Use Terran demons

>>350070

If she is in a murderous frenzy there won't be much left of the "disciplined warrior" given it is strong enough to kill her would be husband. So she will most likely be in an instinctual mode, the disciplined warrior stuff will serve her for doing martial arts and that stuff, but it will not mentally help her under the influence of the frenzy. If it still doesn't work, I honestly don't know what I would do, Catnip, which according to KC makes Jinkos go "deredere" and pretty much put them in heat was my last resort.

>>350081

If you meant fight her I think even my dog, which would be effortlessly slaughtered by her, would put up a better fight than me.

>>350079

>I honestly don't know what I would do

The point is you never let it come to that. That is too risky to rely upon so you should set down a ton of traps like trip wires to catch her while you book it for your car. If the traps and barricades fail you could always do things to hold her at bay, such as toss flashbangs or throw nets.

>>350081

No rules. Use anything.

>>350084

Are we allowed to run to the car? I thought that we had to be in the same room

>The bad news is that you must be present when she appears

Also in her frenzy if you flee and she makes it to the street you might not know where she went and you might not find her when she gets back and she might end up marrying someone else (in fact its almost a guarantee becuase the Catnip would put her into mating season as soon as the frenzy wears off), which would be worse than getting killed. Unless you already have her waifu locked, if that is the case, then more possibilities open up and it isn't so risky to run away in a car.

>>349065

Obvious plan is to be away from the house when she gets here. She won't get far in this Florida heat.

What do I distract a Wendigo with?

A stack of rare steaks with a sign that says "Back in 5, Love You, Babe"? Guarded by a fresh cat, maybe?

>>350087

You just have to be present when she first comes enters, afterwards anything is fair game.

>she might end up marrying someone else

As far as I understand KC, lust based frenzies are directed towards the one they love, in this case: you. I believe this was mentioned somewhere involving the minotaurs and their red rage so I wouldn’t worry about being cucked. If you want to play it safe, you could just drop the catnip and proceed as otherwise.

>>350091

But that they are only directed at "their one and only love" only applies to their husbands and here we haven't had sex yet. So it would depend if by summoning her I am automatically locking myself as her husband or not.

>>350090

If magic exist use more Terran style magic. It's more combatant, merciless, cruel and more focused on power, while their magic is more sexual and sex-orientated.

>>350093

Obviously the only existing magic is the MGE magic she brings with her. Otherwise everyone could solo by learning doing Japanese Youkai Magic rituals or Chaos Magick. Also I greatly envy Lichfags because they are the only guys that will effortlessly complete this challenge, since their waifus can just bring them back after killing them.

>>350089

You must be present in the room when she first appears, but given that it’s a little girl in a heavy coat, running outside isn’t a problem. Just make sure she doesn’t get heat stroke.

>What do I distract a Wendigo with?

Distractions won’t work very effectively in this rage, you will probably have to bulli.

>>350090

>spoiler

You want at least semi automatic in the event you miss, and you should probably get a newer gun than an SKS as this isn’t something to cheap go for style or cheap out on.

>>350092

>I am automatically locking myself as her husband or not.

Treat it as if you are. Essentially you’re engaged. Can’t have a marriage without a romantic ceremony.

>>350095

No.

>>350096

>this isn’t something to cheap go for style or cheap out on.

*this isn’t something to go for style with or cheap out on.

>>350096

Boooo,

>>350096

>Treat it as if you are. Essentially you’re engaged. Can’t have a marriage without a romantic ceremony.

Alright in that case going for the car is the best choice indeed. Is the "muderous frenzy" sexual in nature as in "Im going to rape you so hard I am going to actually crush you and not hold back my claws" or "I just want to fucking kill you and will rip your head from your shoulders"? Because the former one would be way more manageable than the latter one. With monster girls where Incubization sets in fast or are not very strong an anon could be concievably caught before the 5 minutes run out and still survive the encounter, but if it is the latter one, you are done as soon as she captures you. And woe to whoever has a Lilim as a waifu. Country level reality warpers, how the fuck can you outrun that or hold off that for 5 minutes?

>>349645

>Ochimusha injures her lord-to-be (with a demon silver sword so he was basically okay)

>She realizes what's she's done and flees in shame

>When her lord-to-be catches up with her he finds her harakiri-ing herself

>Nothing happens because she used a demon silver sword again, she's just hunched over a bit

>Her new lord frantically makes sure that she's okay then sexual healing happens

>>350092

Why wouldn't it? The OP does say your waifu after all.

>>350102

>some joker has a lilim for a waifu

>she appears and instantly creates the hardcanon MGE universe

>no sons born to MGs

>we all die

All because you just had to fuck the demon lord's daughter.

>>350188

Heil'd

>>350222

>Shoggoths are weak to Electricity

Source? The only eldritch thing I know of specifically stated to be weak to electricity is the flying polyp, and even then only "certain forms" of electricity. Given shoggoths incredible adaptability, I'd actually expect them to resist electricity.

>>350102

>partially out of spite for people who just want overpowered waifus

The only people you screwed up are guys with mid tier waifus, with the exception of non-zombie Dragon husbandos. Liches, Lilims, Baphomes and all that stuff will simply revive their husbandos after killing them. It is guy with waifus like Jinkos, Kunoichis, Amazons, Salamanders, Manticores, etc. that are screwed up.

>>350238

I'm skeptical of 'reviving' their husbandos after killing them. I don't doubt that they can and will do it, but I'm expecting them to be grief-stricken and depressed (like this post >>349645 ) by their actions AND were 'successful' in killing their husband. Can you live with yourself knowing you have killed your love of your life and still are capable of that, despite bringing your love back from dead and then forgiving you? It doesn't mean they can't heal, it'll just take time for them as you heal them with your love.

I don't doubt the fit monstergirls you mentioned are still capable of killing their husbandos, but we can still minimize the odds of getting killed by a number of factors.

1) you know your surroundings better than she does, so you could boobytrap your home and practise within 48 of running around your home, dodge chairs and tables etc.

2) relevant to the first one, but where you live could help or hinder you greatly. A salamander couldn't do well in a extremely cold snowy region and will stay in warm places (wishful thinking on my part though, it depends on how murderous the frenzy is, does it makes her lose her mind?)

That's just a few points, I'm sure anons here are capable of coming up with creative ideas themselves.

>>350253

>don't doubt that they can and will do it

Those that can't do it wont, but I don't see why those that can do it wouldn't do it, which certaintly involve monsters like Liches, Lilims and Baphomets. Sure it would be hard to face their loved one after they killed him, but it would be worse to just let them remain dead.

How do you imagine a Hellhound would react if she beats her husband up so hard that she doesn't kill him but leaves him in a wheelchair or something? Of course it would be healed as soon as the incubization is complete. My waifu is a Jinko, how do you think she would react if I was initially terrified of her if she manged to break an arm or something before the 5 minutes pass? Would she go as far as to respect it if I didn't wanted to have sex with her even if she was in heat? Though I wouldn't be a dick, I would just smile and tell her that I was well aware of the dangers, that it isn't her fault and that the broken arm was a very cheap price for her.

>>350258

Yes, fair enough. I just don't think it's that simple to revive people especially for those girls. It seems like a poor cop-out to me somehow and not a fair deal to other waifus who can't revive their husbandos easily without help. Perhaps I'm just a idiot for thinking about wanting to be fair for other girls.

I would like to argue for and push the idea that Liches and others can't 'effectively' revive their husbands until he has at least spend enough time in their presence (while he's still alive) for at least 1 minute within 5 minutes of their murderous frenzy as that he has absorbed enough mamono mana to start his incubization - making it much easier for her to revive him. If he haven't survived for one minute, the only way to revive him is to invoke gods for their assistance - which will take time as they will likely need to do their duties and attend to many anons' deaths/revivals.

However in reality, I'll admit that I'm butthurt over the image of making my Salamander waifu cry from my death without any way to revive me. I don't like that at all, but then again, it'll push me to train harder not to die that easily.

>>350266

>Somewhat hard to bring back a pile of blood, ash and shattered bones, no?

I think Lilims can create bodies from scratch if need be, I mean, they can create country sized dimensions like the Queen of Hearts did with its own physics and such.

>She’s probably going to have very conflicting feelings should her husband not be up to it given their disobedient nature

I didn't said he would necessarily refuse to have sex with her. I was more curious about what her overall reaction would be about the fact that she hurt her husband so bad she put him in a wheelchair.

>>350268

>However in reality, I'll admit that I'm butthurt over the image of making my Salamander waifu cry from my death without any way to revive me. I don't like that at all, but then again, it'll push me to train harder not to die that easily.

TBH I think in the end all anons killed by their waifus will be revived. Is just that MGs like Lilims can do it immediately and likely other mosnters will take time and need to seek help, but in the end it will be accomplished.

>>350270

>I think Lilims can create bodies from scratch if need be

But if the soul is within the body and the body turns to nothing, where does she retrieve the soul?>I didn't said he would necessarily refuse to have sex with her.

I didn’t mean entirely drop sex, but on an indiviual basis. She would probably also tone down the intensity.

>all anons killed by their waifus will be revived.

Honestly this is probably the case but I didn’t want to being it up just for the sake of it removing any sense of danger and urgency to avoid harm towards yourself and your waifu.

>>350275

>being it up

*bring it up

>>350270

>all anons killed by their waifus will be revived

If anons has actually tried or put in effort in surviving, that would be fine. As long as they don't know it was a thing that they can be revived afterwards by Lilims. It would be stupid for them to know about that and basically remove any sense of danger and urgency as >>350275 pointed out. Maybe they'll even get overconfident and cocky knowing about that, which couldn't be a wise move for them.

It's better if all anons received their news of getting their waifus at the same time all over the world - some at midnight, some at noon, some at dawn, some at dusk and not know that they can be revived as everyone will be attacked by their waifus at once.

>>350238

>Lilim

>Forcing your self to experience a magical five minute bullet hell for an original character do not steal lilim that loves you.

I think worrying about disentigrating is the least of your worrys. But hey least you'll get your very own OC lilum at the end of it that can make anything happend including orgasmic hand holding

Do any of you play touhou?

>>350346

>never ending pain and torment

This got from "cute" into the "fuck no" territory really fast. I assume she only puts you there until you stop doing whatever cruel thing you did to her, right? Still, the mere possibility of that would spoil the entire thing for me. I would be utterly terrified of her.

It also doesnt help that Im a warriorslut and muscleslut and she is reluctant to have sex in forms that dont look like the pic.

>>350358

Ill take ???

When do i leave?

Couldn't you hide, trick her, or piss her off enough to make her go for 5 minutes of torture instead of simple murder? Drugging yourself and playing dead could also work, depending on whether or not she has a vendetta against you specifically or just craves blood.

Even if she magically knows your location at all times, if she has any higher cognition you have options to stall or trick her with.

Unless she knows that she only has 5 minutes to kill you. Then you need to buy a big cage. A taser would work for most of them as well?

The only really problematic ones are the ones that can cast magic mentally, and the Lovecraftian ones.

>>350454

>make her go for 5 minutes of torture instead of simple murder

The magic rage basically puts her at her peak which seeks to immediately bludgeon, gore, incinerate, etc. ASAP. Anything extra you do will only push her to hit you harder, not with intent to capture.

>she has a vendetta against you specifically or just craves blood

Blood craving, but be careful she doesn't use your carcass as a punching bag.

>Unless she knows that she only has 5 minutes to kill you

She doesn't want to spend the time trying to kill you, so much as your death being a side-effect.

>>350484

She may be omnipresent, but she is not omniscient nor omnipotent. Get something along the lines of the yeti anon’s pain gear, but leave no spot unspiked and coat them in something that’ll burn her wounds. Fasten tinted goggles to your head underneath a mask and lay down tons of saw dust to kick into the air to obscure her vision. In addition, get as much magnesium as you can and burn it around the room. The magnesium helps to remove her sight as it burns very brightly. Put in ear plugs and blast music, she may be able to hide her ears, but it’s one less sense she has access to regardless. Any second she has to leave due to sensory overload is another second until you’re free. Remove all easy to carry or throw items in the room and do not carry a weapon as she will take it from you. Block any entrances and exits. While she can leave, she won’t be able to bring anything in. To further nauseate her try and get the worst smells you can find and lay it around your home.

>>350667

Tailpussies are also feline based. Methods that would work on other nyan types may also have suitable effects on her as well.

>>350667

>Manticore being effected by cat-nip.

>Manticore crawling on the floor meowing and clawing your carpet.

>Manticore thats incredibly weak to being tickled and teased

I wish to see a Manticore being drunk on cat-nip while being teased and tickled by her partner.

>>350670

They're actually supposed to be strong and agile creatures. if anything though I don't remember if their enduring, at least they're good with their words. If anything you could easily drug her or at least incapacitate her.

>Implying you shouldn't stab your self with multiple manticore barbs after five minutes just to insure your marriage.

>>350668

Cats tend to play with their food so if you're a catfucker you might be fairly safe as it is.

>>349065

>5 minute murder frenzy

So basically, this portal magic is partially undoing the Demon Lord's "all monsters are now part succubus" transformation magic for the duration, at least on the mental/behavioral level. Changing the lust back into the original bloodlust.

>>349215

>decoy doll coated in industrial grade adhesive

Why didn't I think of that for dealing with a Yeti? Ok, partially because I don't look forward to the mess and difficulty of getting her out of that after it's all over, but that is definitely going into my survival plan setup.

>>349645

>>350253

>The 5 minutes just ended.

>A grief-striken Inari is ripping off her own tails in anguish and then trying to use them to stop the bleeding as she cries and wails over the severely injured, unconscious body of her would-be husbando.

>Even if her magic is able to grant him a full recovery once she regains her senses, she can never bring herself to look him in the face again after what she did to him.

Welp, my feels are shot for today.

>>349680

>violent turtle girl

As timid, submissive, and masochistic as Umi Oshos tend to be by nature, the only way I can see this magic affecting them is to make them just aggressive enough to bait the husbando into attacking and hurting them in self-defense. Her goal in that state probably wouldn't be so much to beat you up physically as it would be to get you to beat her up physically and then beat yourself up mentally about it.

>>349685

>haremfags

Not a haremfag, but bicorns are still a thing. If one gets summoned and the husbando survives, you now have the start of a potential harem.

>>350102

>overpowered waifus

Ok, that's cool and all. You do you and all that. Honestly, you know how I settled on Yeti? They aren't flashy. They aren't magical. But look at their disposition listing in the MGE.

"Cheerful, gentle, honest"

In my mind, at least, who wouldn't want to come home to that–and a 10-20 minute long enthusiastic hug that makes everything better–at the end of long, hard day? Yetis are one of the MGs where things tend more toward a partnership and friendship than a predator/prey relationship.

>Slime

I need a barrel, a fuckton of salt, scuba gear (complete with oxygen tank) Antiacids and I reckon I'll be alright.

>>350689

Aren't Umi osho klutzy? She'd try to hurt you … but it'd be a swing and a miss. Right onto her back. Just wait the five minutes out watching her trying and failing to get up.

Then grab her hair and face fuck her like she's a disposable onahole.

>>350670

>implying the barbs won't be set to "kill" instead of "lewd"

I have no doubt an enraged manticore can flick those babs through my internal organs.

>Kraken

I think I could out-drive her, but the only other thing I could think of is drying her out with salt??? Gimme some ideas here.

>>350718

They're no bigger than a finger and they get stuck in the skin. Wear a cup and you'll be fine

>>350741

I don't know, man. I'm pretty certain, using tail as an atlatl, I imagine tailpussy could get some screaming velocity out of those barbs, depending on how she's built.

Probably a thick coat, thick quilts on your legs, and a thick pot for a helmet is enough, but don't underestimate stab wounds. Especially if she's got a good aim.

>>350090

dont be like that anon, carve a pentagram into your face and swig a bronze goblet of goats blood so you can spray the liquid to blind your foes. All the cool kids are doing it

>>350860

>ummmmm………..

Underage leave.

>>350851

That's the spirit!

>Get a message that in one week my lizard girl waifu 4 laifu is going to be appear in my home, but warns me about the side effect.

>Know that I can't out run her, but can out trap her.

>Buy dozens of nets, lots of rope, and a fire extinguisher.

>Hang nets in every part of the house.

>The day comes and I am waiting for her arrival.

>I even cranked the fucking AC down to 43 degrees inside my house.

>It's quiet…Too quiet. So quiet that you can hear a pin drop.

>It's been a minute passed the time of her arrival.

<"Where the hell is she?"

>Suddenly, the hose to my fire extinguisher was cut and plumes of foam explode.

>I look around as I back up slowly towards the wall, but instead of a wall I feel something pointy on my back.

>At that moment, I fucked up.

>I nervously roll my eyes to see get a glance at her.

>She was somewhat covered in a silhouette of the foam, but I can make out some features. Her body is slender with parts of her skin being covered in green scales and has red hair.

>I was scared about what was going to happen next that I was sweating bullets.

>Then, I felt a wave of unbearable pain as she uses her sword to slash my back from lower to rib cage.

>3 minutes left

>I fall to my hands and knees crying in pain.

>The lizard girl doesn't even utter a single word. Just a blank stare.

>With the rope in my hand, I let one net go dropping from the ceiling on top of her.

>She doesn't even budge. The cold air is slowing her down.

>She gives me a cold stare with her crystal blue eyes.

>I crawl for the stairs. Gotta make it to higher ground.

>Despite the net still covering her, she follows behind me.

>I let the next rope go and another net drops.

>She was able to cut through both nets with her katana and tosses them to the side.

<"Shit, not good!"

>2 minutes left

>I made it to the stairs, but she grabs me by the shirt and tosses me across the other side of the room slamming me to the wall.

>I lose all of my grip on the other pieces of rope and the nets fall from the ceiling missing the target.

>The stings from my back was intolerably painful that as soon as I crashed on to the floor I was holding back tears from the pain.

>As I try to get up, the lizard girl steps on my back.

>"I am going to break you nice and slow," the girl hisses.

>1 minute left

>She slowly presses down her foot making me feel the pressure and the intolerable stings of the cut on my back.

*crrrk*

>One of my ribs breaks.

>I scream in agony as she presses down harder.

>30 seconds

>Another, rib breaks. It's becoming harder and harder to breathe.

>20 seconds

>All a sudden the weight of her foot lifts.

>I turn to look behind me and I see her getting sleepy. Her grip on her katana loosens and it falls to the ground.

>15 seconds

>I use the opportunity to get myself back up and I kick the katana to the side.

>10 seconds

>I push her onto the couch and I grapple her to keep her still as she tries to struggle.

>5 seconds

>4

>3

>2

>1

>The lizard girl is finally asleep and I lay her down on the couch.

>Blood dripping from back and caressing my sides, I limp over to the thermostat and raised the temperature back to normal room temperature.

>From the amount of blood I lost, I loose consciousness.

>I wake up in a hospital bed a couple days later.

>I see flowers and "Get Well Soon" cards as the first thing I see.

>As I try to sit up, I feel some weight on my chest.

>I look down to my chest seeing the lizard girl I fought with now resting on my chest.

>It feels nice and warm.

>The doctor walks in and says, "AH, so you're awake! How are you feeling?"

>"Still a little worn out, doc," I replied.

>"Well, consider yourself lucky. This nice girl here was the one that brought you in," The doctor says as he checks my blood pressure.

>I stroke her head and I respond, "Yeah, I am lucky."

Thunderbird waifu. Even if the rage doesn't cause her to short circuit I can do this

Step 1: To the Dive shop! get a dry suit, neopriene rubber is an insulator. Grab a shark suit, should be able to stop the talons. Ground shark suit for added electrical resistance. Pick up some heavy dive weights for step #3

Step 2: Medical supply shop. Strongest wrist, ankle, elbow neck and knee brace they have. She might still break your bones but as long as it's not a major joint it can be set. This is just backup in case Step #3 fails

Step 3: to the hardware store! Pick up some chain and a lot of PVC pipe. Build chain into net, build PVC pipe into a quad barreled potato gun, angle barrels to spread out shot. Instant net gun. Pick up heavy duty helmet with facemask. Pick up a few caribiners. Make sure the net is grounded as well. Pick up a few class C fire extinguishers just in case.

Step 4: Grocery store. Pick up candles, hot chocolate, replacement set of sheets and plenty of Gatorade.

Unplug all electrical appliances and shut off circuit breakers. Hit raging thunderbird with chain net. run up and use the caribiners to hook the chain segments together so she can't escape. Stand by with fire extinguisher in case she overloads the ground wires and causes an electrical fire.

Wait patently for the 5 minutes to get through. Unlock Wafiu, give Gatorade, presumably discharging that much voltage takes electrolytes. Strip out of armor. Light candles in the event of a power outage. Proceed to heterosexual sex for the purpose of procreation all night long.

Next morning, replace sheets torn up by the gentle lovemaking. bring hot chocolate to the line workers who are replacing the transformers in 40 degree weather thanks to your waifu's tantrum. Start FAA paperwork for your first flight with waifu once the weather gets nice.

>>350924

It would be cheaper and easier to just build a faraday cage for yourself. The electricity won't be able to touch you and the harpy will be too weak to lift/break it. You can just sit there comfortably admiring her 'till the time runs out.

>>350949

Not really, their leg muscles have to be able to launch them and their wings have to be able to keep them aloft. They could lift it easily or kick/beat through most weaker materials. Even if you go full chain link or rebar if they could stick a claw through the gap they could zap you easily.

>>350979

Not so! If they're anything like birds then their ability to fly is also dependent on having hollow bones, and since she's stuck indoors with you she won't be able to make a diving attack on the cage. Essentially you'll be facing a skinny young lady that weighs hardly anything who won't even have leverage on her side and who's biggest muscles are in her chest and shoulders, trying to get past a cage made of steel. Strong legs are for flightless harpies. Even if she sticks a claw inside, electricity isn't like a laser beam, it'll still jump to the cage instead and nothing says you can't have a second smaller cage inside anyway. You'll be fine!

>>351001

>KFC

Fuck that, get her some Church's Chicken

>>351001

>african food

>>351006

Exactly

>>351091

The arrows would stay nonlethal, I hope.

>>351026

None of them were talking about Hellhounds, though.

>>351112

No…..I was talking abut the thunderbirds and harpies in general. Traumatize them with some chicken

>>351126

You do know that birds eat other birds, right?

>>351126

Fuck, wait. Cannibalism among harpies?

>>351126

I was making a joke about hellhounds being black

>jump out of the window as sandworm obliterates the entire block

>run to the car while she digs herself out

>hopefully concrete will slow her down slightly

>let her catch up after 5 minutes

>tell her she just destroyed a city and we need to get out of there before the army shows up

>>352030

>Casually letting your waifu commit mass murder

That's no good.

>>352032

How am I supposed to stop her?

>>352034

You need to proactively date her before she gets the chance to proactively date you.

>>352034

I think Sandwormfags have it among the hardest. Despite that, I think I might have a way you can win. Believe it or not, I think you have to go on the offensive. A Sandworm's outer hide is obviously immune to anything you could have access to, but I'm pretty sure the inside is vulnerable. Best chance I see for you is to don a tight-fitting gas/oxygen mask, douse yourself in pepper spray or something similar and strap as many tazers as you can afford to yourself. Once she appears, rush her and dive into her 'mouth'. 5 minutes inside a disoriented, spasming and likely panicked Sandworm will not be easy, but it'll be safer than being outside of her.

>danuki waifu

Withdrawal life savings. Buy gold coins. Throw them at her to keep her distracted.

>>352065

>sandworm waifu

>utter annihilation of his home

If he manages to survive the 5 minutes, I'd say his housing problems are solved for the short-to-mid term, at least.

The insurance would still help cover the cost of his stuff and the value of his house, but he won't want for shelter.

>>352034

Jump in her mouth. Sure the worm on the outside is big and strong, but inside is squishy, delicate and sensitive. There are probably a ton of options open to you then.

There was a hilarious story about an arab that was swallowed by a malevolant sandworm and subsequently escaped. It was based on the grimderp version of MGE but his strategy would still be applicable in this situation. If anyone knows the story I'm talking about a link would be nice, I can't find it.

>>352127

>5 minutes pass

>she becomes normal

>fixes the entire mess in half the time

>>352187

You have anything to add to that?

>>352201

Forgot to mention one vital thing. To reach floor 2, she'd have to breach the first one, steps are on the outside and easily colapsible, same with attic ladders. In essence 3 layers of relatively similar protection.

>>352201

>>352202

> it turns the house into a refrigerator with -20celsius temperatures

>making a lamia fight through 3 floors and all that wooden shit

The plan is to keep yourself safe, not fucking kill your waifu in cold blood

>>352203

Hey, nothing stops me from making a bonfire in the yard, and I can get down from the attic e-z with only some risk. Would need a rope tho.

>>352201

It could potentially be 50% of the time since cold blooded things can't deal with extreme heat either. How hot are the summers where you live?

>>352210

gets up to +45 fam thanks to humidity but not inside

>>352196

I'm not sure what the rampage would look like, so I'm uncertain how I'd even begin to prepare. She's not very powerful (but not especially weak either) as far as angels go, but resorting to demonic/unholy measures to hold her off would probably be unforgivable and I don't know what else would work against divine energy. On the other hand, her powers could be tied to positive emotions, so this "rage" would result in her being unable to access them (in which case conventional barricading should be sufficient).

>>352129

>rage danuki anticipates this

>initiates counter-counter danuki

>normal daunki has to counter-counter-counter danuki

>

You're in for a wild ride anon.

>>352351

>the ride never ends

On a more serious note, how tf would I survive an owl mage?

>>370345

>Owl mages are wise, have great night vision and cast magic with their gaze.

>Limit her ability to fly and make the ground as comfy as possible.

>Wear protective clothing to counter her talons.

>Tackle from behind, attempt to gag and blindfold to take limit her ability to cast magic.

>Don't forget she still can use her wings and legs.

>WAIT THE FULL FIVE MINUTES OR MORE (She might fake being docile and attack you, owl mages are wise after all).

Congratulation you now have a owl mage at your mercy and probably will develop a kink for gagging and blindfolding.

>>350358

is there anymore of this?

>Sandworm waifu

>Merely teleporting in destroys the entire house

>Can't take refuge in my now destroyed house

>No way in hell I'd make it in time to my car, start it up, and accelerate to the point to outrun her

>In the off chance I do, she most likely could outrun the car

I'm pretty much fucked. Honestly, my best bet, if I survive the initial ordeal of her destroying my house upon entry, is just to let her eat me, and just pray she doesn't rip me to shreds beforehand, that I end up in the stomach in one piece. A 5 minute or so stomach acid bath should be survivable, I think. That is, assuming she could spit me back up. I don't like my chances. Sandworms are OP.

>>370412

Sandworms don't eat their husbands, what is this slander?

>>370415

In a murderous frenzy like in OP's scenario, they would.

>>370412

>>352065

I don’t imagine sandworms to be particularly effective in non-desert environments and she is probably going to be dazed for a few seconds by just teleporting into what will quickly become a pile of rubble. If your car is far enough and on you could probably make it.

>>370412

>>352052 might be your best chance.

>>370412

Sandworms are able to size-shift their shells. She’d probably be made to shrink down to minimum before going through, hopefully she’ll stay small for maneuverability or just not think to grow.

Come to think of it, why aren’t the portal managers on the other side not loading these girls down with magic restraints before sending them through?

>>370618

Dear God your right

>be me

>lazy ass portal operator

>somebody questions me about "magical restraints"

>tell her to fuck off and no such thing exists

>after I'm done with my shift I sell all the magical restraints I was supposed to give out

>now you might be thinking what about the anons?

>fuckem they need the exercise anyways

>>370607

>If your car is far enough and on you could probably make it.

Not the piece of shit, I'm currently driving.

>>370613

I don't know how you'd even be able to strap on tasers without managing to shock yourself, and considering you're jumping into a slimy, wet shell, wouldn't the chances of shocking yourself increase? And with that many, I imagine you'd have the potential to stop your heart and kill, if not yours, hers. I guess you gotta take whatever precaution you can to try to holdout and beat the clock, but that's just as risky as my original plan and more expensive.

>>370618

>Spoiler

The portal keeper is on vacation, and a wurm is filling in.

>>370623

48 hours might be long enough to build a killdozer if you don't sleep.

>>370772

I doubt that the killdozer would even hold up against a sandworm. She could smash it and probably devour it.

>>370981

Not if the hull is covered in razor wire.