b34856 No.349065 [View All]
There’s good news and bad news.
The good news is that in 48 hours, your waifu will appear in the most central room of your home that can fit her through a recent development in teleportation magic from the other realm.
The bad news is that you must be present when she appears, and when she does she will be put into a murderous frenzy for 5 minutes as a side effect of the new magic.
How do you prepare and plan to survive?
____________________________
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1fd2d4 No.352055
>danuki waifu
Withdrawal life savings. Buy gold coins. Throw them at her to keep her distracted.
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b34856 No.352065
>>352030
Sandworms are called sandworms because they tunnel through sand. An obvious observation, but that means she probably will have a lot of difficulty moving through anything toughr since her species is designed to travel through loose material and nothing like solidly packed dirt or concrete. She may try and snake around on the surface, but I don’t imagine that being her specialty. Try and place barricades to slow her down in front of your house and park your car a small distance away. Also get good insurance ahead of time to cover the utter annihilation of your home.
>>352055
Beware pic related.
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dedc8a No.352108
>>352065
>sandworm waifu
>utter annihilation of his home
If he manages to survive the 5 minutes, I'd say his housing problems are solved for the short-to-mid term, at least.
The insurance would still help cover the cost of his stuff and the value of his house, but he won't want for shelter.
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247c42 No.352127
>>352065
>get Daunki'd so hard in 5 minutes that all your property gets repo'd despite you paying for it outright
>get into debt the size of a mid-sized country's GDP
>before the 5 minutes are up you have a who's who of collectors, leg-breakers and PMCs after you
Fucking danukis.
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278648 No.352128
>>352034
Jump in her mouth. Sure the worm on the outside is big and strong, but inside is squishy, delicate and sensitive. There are probably a ton of options open to you then.
There was a hilarious story about an arab that was swallowed by a malevolant sandworm and subsequently escaped. It was based on the grimderp version of MGE but his strategy would still be applicable in this situation. If anyone knows the story I'm talking about a link would be nice, I can't find it.
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61accc No.352129
>>352127
>5 minutes pass
>she becomes normal
>fixes the entire mess in half the time
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ac0a13 No.352187
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b34856 No.352196
>>352187
You have anything to add to that?
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e046dd No.352201
Holy shit a thread I can add something to.
My plan is foolproof 25% of the time
>live in a 350+ year old wooden house with no isolation to speak of
>3 floors, largest room is downstairs
Plan is as follows
>bar all the windows and both lower doors
>bar all the windows and doors upstairs+haul all the heavy ass old furniture in the cramped hallway, would create a 3 to 4m long baricade of solid oak and various other materials
>barricade myself in the attic
>flip off the breaker
All I need to count is winter. it turns the house into a refrigerator with -20celsius temperatures , and I seriously doubt that foot thick solid beam walls are easily penetrable so its probably a viable plan in summer as well
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e046dd No.352202
>>352201
Forgot to mention one vital thing. To reach floor 2, she'd have to breach the first one, steps are on the outside and easily colapsible, same with attic ladders. In essence 3 layers of relatively similar protection.
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2998a4 No.352203
>>352201
>>352202
> it turns the house into a refrigerator with -20celsius temperatures
>making a lamia fight through 3 floors and all that wooden shit
The plan is to keep yourself safe, not fucking kill your waifu in cold blood
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e046dd No.352204
>>352203
Hey, nothing stops me from making a bonfire in the yard, and I can get down from the attic e-z with only some risk. Would need a rope tho.
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278648 No.352210
>>352201
It could potentially be 50% of the time since cold blooded things can't deal with extreme heat either. How hot are the summers where you live?
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e046dd No.352222
>>352210
gets up to +45 fam thanks to humidity but not inside
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52a28a No.352239
>>352196
I'm not sure what the rampage would look like, so I'm uncertain how I'd even begin to prepare. She's not very powerful (but not especially weak either) as far as angels go, but resorting to demonic/unholy measures to hold her off would probably be unforgivable and I don't know what else would work against divine energy. On the other hand, her powers could be tied to positive emotions, so this "rage" would result in her being unable to access them (in which case conventional barricading should be sufficient).
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247c42 No.352351
>>352129
>rage danuki anticipates this
>initiates counter-counter danuki
>normal daunki has to counter-counter-counter danuki
>
You're in for a wild ride anon.
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9ea8c7 No.370345
>>352351
>the ride never ends
On a more serious note, how tf would I survive an owl mage?
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8f2b73 No.370403
>Alp
>Day 1: Buy kiddie pool and inflate in living room
>Day 2: Fill with lube
>Wait
>MFW portal opens
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c9f9f7 No.370407
>>370345
>Owl mages are wise, have great night vision and cast magic with their gaze.
>Limit her ability to fly and make the ground as comfy as possible.
>Wear protective clothing to counter her talons.
>Tackle from behind, attempt to gag and blindfold to take limit her ability to cast magic.
>Don't forget she still can use her wings and legs.
>WAIT THE FULL FIVE MINUTES OR MORE (She might fake being docile and attack you, owl mages are wise after all).
Congratulation you now have a owl mage at your mercy and probably will develop a kink for gagging and blindfolding.
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fc61f5 No.370411
>>350358
is there anymore of this?
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d21a86 No.370412
>Sandworm waifu
>Merely teleporting in destroys the entire house
>Can't take refuge in my now destroyed house
>No way in hell I'd make it in time to my car, start it up, and accelerate to the point to outrun her
>In the off chance I do, she most likely could outrun the car
I'm pretty much fucked. Honestly, my best bet, if I survive the initial ordeal of her destroying my house upon entry, is just to let her eat me, and just pray she doesn't rip me to shreds beforehand, that I end up in the stomach in one piece. A 5 minute or so stomach acid bath should be survivable, I think. That is, assuming she could spit me back up. I don't like my chances. Sandworms are OP.
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9f6a68 No.370415
>>370412
Sandworms don't eat their husbands, what is this slander?
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d21a86 No.370418
>>370415
In a murderous frenzy like in OP's scenario, they would.
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ceea35 No.370607
>>370412
>>352065
I don’t imagine sandworms to be particularly effective in non-desert environments and she is probably going to be dazed for a few seconds by just teleporting into what will quickly become a pile of rubble. If your car is far enough and on you could probably make it.
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d29323 No.370613
>>370412
>>352052 might be your best chance.
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bc7fe2 No.370618
>>370412
Sandworms are able to size-shift their shells. She’d probably be made to shrink down to minimum before going through, hopefully she’ll stay small for maneuverability or just not think to grow.
Come to think of it, why aren’t the portal managers on the other side not loading these girls down with magic restraints before sending them through?
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b24b95 No.370620
>>370618
Dear God your right
>be me
>lazy ass portal operator
>somebody questions me about "magical restraints"
>tell her to fuck off and no such thing exists
>after I'm done with my shift I sell all the magical restraints I was supposed to give out
>now you might be thinking what about the anons?
>fuckem they need the exercise anyways
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d21a86 No.370623
>>370607
>If your car is far enough and on you could probably make it.
Not the piece of shit, I'm currently driving.
>>370613
I don't know how you'd even be able to strap on tasers without managing to shock yourself, and considering you're jumping into a slimy, wet shell, wouldn't the chances of shocking yourself increase? And with that many, I imagine you'd have the potential to stop your heart and kill, if not yours, hers. I guess you gotta take whatever precaution you can to try to holdout and beat the clock, but that's just as risky as my original plan and more expensive.
>>370618
>Spoiler
The portal keeper is on vacation, and a wurm is filling in.
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f4c9a1 No.370772
>>370623
48 hours might be long enough to build a killdozer if you don't sleep.
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7ccbaf No.370966
>>351091
>being a valid-hunting piece of shit that needs to rely on stuns and red cool aid spray.
>Not talking your way into cargo, moving up in the ranks, taking over the QM position, taking over the station's economy with Pizza and favors, and finally getting enough leverage that you amend the AI's laws to enforce celibacy.
I will not be reduced to the same primordial urges that I fight against. My words and grit alone will save my soul.
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d21a86 No.370981
>>370772
I doubt that the killdozer would even hold up against a sandworm. She could smash it and probably devour it.
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f4c9a1 No.371020
>>370981
Not if the hull is covered in razor wire.
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e39926 No.371078
>>370966
>he saved the thumbnail
get your shit together
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32d496 No.397564
>lock dog on the balcony
>put on tactical gloves
>take axe from under my bed
>play aggro hard music at full blast from the speakers which are directed at the door
>portal opens
>the wisp is hit back by the loudness of aggro/dark hard music (180bpm tops)
>i opened the window in my room prior to her arrival
>wisp sees me
>slowly hovers towards me with as much as malice and ill intent as i have in my eyes
>the second she crosses the doorway, I cave in her skull in with the axe blade
>music is still blasting at full volume
>vocal excerpt
He was called Lucifer
>the axe gets stuck in the ectoplasm
>yank it out
>it disfigures her face as i pull the axe out but reforms quickly back to its original state
>she burns me with her flames
>I scream in pain and the axe handle gets charred a bit
>flames intesify
>i turn the axeblade to face me and the blunt end towards her
>3 minutes left
>I go apeshit and release the anger ive kept inside for years, beating her cage into scrap metal
>i get closer whilst swinging with full force
>instead of rage, i see genuine shock and fear in her eyes
>she grabs me by the throat and starts to choke me but I cant feel it
>axe gets stuck in her right side and she flinches
>axe is slowly pushed out of her ribs and the wound heals
>Im starting to feel a grasp forming on my throat
>no outwards pressure
>my larynx is tightening and the pain is unbearable
>1 minute left
>focus my weight to my back and legs
>yank myself out of her grasp
>cough blood, wipe it off and block her right upper
>she swings again with a left hook
>audible crack from my jaw, its displaced
>push it back and kick her in the stomach, making her stumble
>i make it for the axe
>shes trying to slam her entire bodyweight on me with her cage
>i can somehow redirect its direction with the help of the axe
>shes caved into the floor near my bed and she starts screaming out of frustration
>10 seconds left
>I hold the axe to her throat until she calms down
>pull her out and put her on a sofa, placing the axe on her throat in case
>shes too exhausted and falls asleep
>drop the axe book it to the shower and douse off the still burning little flames
>go for a smoke
>release doggo to greet our new guest
I could have gone with the holy water and blessings shtick but i figured it would be interesting to fight fear with fear.
im not a murderer, just had a very shit life
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945a88 No.397565
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09ebd9 No.397569
>>397565
Its a scenario where you fight for your life. No shit your instincts kick in regardless if you were informed prior or not.
>kys
One day
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99b644 No.397576
>can't decide on waifu species
>no clue what will come for me mge random page is your friend for writing
>couple hours before mystery waifu appears dress in motorcycle gear and position bike to make a quick getaway
>lock dogs outside, cats in back bedroom
>just start throwing shit into a huge pile at the front door choke point
>hear the portal open
>wait a few seconds and rush out the door
>get on bike and position myself to watch the door
>as i come to a stop a hakutaku comes stumbling out
>i rev the engine, catching her attention, and book it out of the neighborhood
>run many stops signs getting out
>she, being a hakutaku, is smart enough to know what's going on and calculate shortcuts even in her rage
>though not the physically strongest monster means she's mostly just watching my movement patterns to predict my turns as i refuse to use my turn signal here
>fast, but probably not fast enough to catch me on my motorcycle, i just lead her through the neighborhood in an intense game of tag
>5 minutes in, she's exhausted from running, but has calmed down
>i ride around and ask if she wants a ride back home
>clean up and let her rest a bit before getting to the good stuff
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945a88 No.397667
>>397569
It was still needlessly graphic and edgy, and other anons managed to survive and cause only property damage.
You have no excuses for what you wrote.
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9fdf6d No.397668
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b4f76b No.397669
>>397667
why do people make those, waifu abuse should be illegal
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34ee25 No.397745
>>349065
>Minotaur
>Just hang a shit-ton of red stuff from the ceiling
>wastes time just swatting at stuff on the ceiling
>5 minutes go by and no longer in murder mode
>I would say profit but now your hips are in grave danger
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9364c9 No.397748
>>349083
Way to drive her crazy
>>349088
This plan just blows
>>349093
You'll have earned yourself a good raking after that
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34ee25 No.397751
>>349250
For the smoke grenades to work, you'd probably need two or three and allow at least 30seconds to a minute for the smoke cloud to build . having a ceiling fan on low might work well to spread it all around.
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34ee25 No.397763
>>349859
>counting every coin
Nah anon, that's the way to stop a Danuki
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028f0c No.397784
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d0e8dd No.397828
>Mantis waifu
I gotta find a way to not end up like the mate of a real mantis.
>Be me
>Live alone in hunting lodge
>Find out about waifu coming in 2 days
>Hastily drive to nearest town to visit the library
>Grab every book and manual centered around self-defence and combat
>Dude with trucker hat and sunglasses gazes at me and starts to follow me
>The dude gives me a bag of sand, saying it will prove useful in whatever I'm preparing for
>Accept it and stuff it in my pocket to stop him from following
>Stop by sports store to find arm guards claiming to be cut-resistant
>Enter another store and take time buying transparent duct tape and bug spray
>Drive back home and spend the rest of the day reading all of my combat books and manuals
>Day 2
>Go outside
>Find a deer and axe-kick its back in half
>Get into fight with bear, block all of its swipes with arm guards, and put it into headlock
>Holy shit, I feel like Bruce Lee
>Get back to lodge and cover up all doorways in the living room with clear duct tape
>Attach bug spray can and leftover tape on belt, adjust arm guards, and wait on other side of duct tape barrier
>Just as I check my watch, a portal materializes and cute mantis waifu steps out
>She turns around and her cold eyes dig into me with bloodlust
>Point at her and yell
"Give me all you got!"
>Bug chick only replies with silence and rapidly jumps towards me, only to get caught by my duct tape barrier
>She falls down covered in tape with her quick jerking only wrapping herself more and more
>This goes on for a minute
>Start laughing hysterically
>Big mistake
>She takes the chance to trip me as I laugh, then proceeds to move in a flurry of swipes, instantly shedding the tape into confetti
>Jump on legs and raise arms quickly enough to block a slash with a rush of adrenaline
>Start walking around the lodge, simultaneously blocking most of her attacks
>Kudos to the authors of those self-defence books
>Parry one of her scythes with my bleeding arm and sweep her legs with a kick
>Attempt to restrain her arms to the ground with leftover tape
>Her agility proves superior and flips me over, then straddling me
>Grab bug spray, but she knocks it out of my hand
>Shit
>Reach into pocket to find anything useful
>Feel something really grainy
>God bless you creepy trucker dude
>Look at her with a smile that could rival a chesire cat
>Yank hand out of pocket and open it directly in front of her face
POCKET SAND!
>Waifu falls back, rubbing her eyes
>Check watch and notice 6 minutes had already passed since her entrance
>Realize she was already normal once she straddled me
>Oh fuck
>Carry her to sink to wash the sand out of her eyes
>Dry her face and ask her if she was okay
>She only stares with a stone-face while I hear the soft click of my belt being unbuckled
"Why don't we take this to bed?"
1 night of handholding and cuddling sex later
>Be me
>Live with mantis waifu in hunting lodge
>Wake up to see her gazing with the slightest smile on her soft face
>Spend the rest of the day hunting and pummeling bears and deer with mantis waifu
God, I hope for DOTR soon.
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494cf5 No.397829
>>397828
You forgot something. It's pic related.
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d0e8dd No.397831
>>397829
I guess I did. The fact that I left it out really bugs me
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eaeb15 No.397842
>>349065
I don't make any preparations at all.
I just overpower her and licky lick her for 5 minutes until she calms down, and then everything's good.
Cyclops waifu for the win.
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0fcd4f No.397879
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
>>349065
I'm not exactly sure who will be on the other side of the portal. But I can't say I'm not prepared. A while ago, I decided to go um, you know, full ♂master♂ and change my whole entire house into a ♂dungeon♂ and uh, so that's what I'm doing right now. I'm ♂dungeon♂master♂ with a full ♂dungeon♂ in my house and uh, it's going really well. I'm a ♂master♂ and I don't, I don't enjoy getting tied up or, or uh, being a bottom, so um, I guess, you know, it's part of my personality.
Once they step through their portal into my house, um, then, you know, I'm the ♂master♂. They're not allowed to make requests once they're in my ♂dungeon♂. They'll be bound up once they uh, enter, you know, with ～ThunderRemix～ playing at full blast on the stereo. I have this long, ♂latex♂glove♂ that goes all the way up to my armpit and uh, then I put it on um, a ♂surgical♂latex♂glove♂, just up to my wrist. And just ♂lube♂it♂up♂ and uh, it's a long process, you know, to get your whole arm up there.
My ♂dungeon♂, well, there's three rooms. One is for Japanese torture rock garden. Has a huge rock boulder in the middle of it. And uh, they can get torture in the middle of the room, it's very minimal. And uh, there's a Chinese room, it's uh, like an opium den, um, everything is red and uh, I do some uh, bondage stuff in there and then uh, my main ♂dungeon♂, is uh, is the uh, the lab, I call it the lab, because it's all white. And uh, mirrors everywhere.
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