>>387740
<Watch this.
<“Oh, Chime, isn’t this food just wonderful?”
>The goblin stops eating long enough to actually swallow her food.
>She stifles a burp before wiping her mouth.
<“Y-yeah! Way better than anything I’ve ever eaten!”
>Gaz grins at either of us, leaving us both confused.
<“We’ll have to thank Anon for bringing us along!” She says.
>Chime blushes and looks away, now eating her food self-consciously.
<Delicious.
>’So what’s that on the scoville scale?’
<There’s no exact number but I would equate it to one of your kind’s spicy peppers.
>’What like a jalapeño?’
<Hotter.
>’Habanero?’
<Even hotter.
>’What, a fucking ghost pepper?’
<Oh yeah.
>’What are you trying to say she likes me or something?’
<You ARE half the reason she came with us.
>’This is not a harem, Gaz.’
>’I have enough trouble trying to deal with Talis.’
<Maybe so, but that doesn’t change her feelings.
>’Can we go back to talking about the flavors of thoughts?’
<Why yes, yours are rather salty at the moment.
>Damn mindflayer smiles at me like some kind of faggot cat.
>I chew my food as threateningly as I possibly can.
>Suddenly both Bea and Bec stand up from their seats.
>Everyone stops eating and stares at them - and at me with their full attention.
<“Everyone, my sister and I have something to say to you all.”
>Oh boy, here goes the embarrassing speech.
<“Many in our village were saved thanks to the great and powerful An-non here who has revealed himself to be a wizard.”
<“Even my sister was saved by his selflessness.”
<“News has come to me that the goblins wish to pursue peace with us.
<“They have given back many of your husbands as a show of good faith.”
<“We have An-non to thank for that as well!”
>The table erupts with cheering and applause.
>Holy shit this is embarrassing.
>Gaz is just eating this shit up, too.
>Damn mindflayer is probably having her fill of this brain boggler buffet.
>Once the cheering has died down Bea starts up again.
<“Sadly, An-non will not be staying with us, as he must return home to his kind.”
>Bea waves a hand to Bec who takes a deep breath.
<“So we have decided that my sister and I are going to be his companions.”
<“That is, if he would have us.”
>Both the twins and the whole village stare at me awaiting my answer.
>I clear my throat before standing up from my seat.
>”Uh… I would be honored to have you!”
>That was the best I could think of.
>To my surprise the whole village begins to cheer.
>The twin kobold are smiling at one another, their cheeks rosey red.
>Even Chime is reluctantly clapping for them.
>Gazhatol is laughing now.
>’What the hell is so funny?’
<Oh Anon, you’re so wonderful.
>’What’s that supposed to mean?’
<Oh, you don’t know?
<Anon, you just accepted a marriage proposal.
>Well, great, I have a tentacle that thinks we’re married.
>A goblin who has a crush on me.
>A mindflayer who likes the taste of my thoughts and wants to force me into a harem.
>And now I was tricked into getting engaged to the kobold twins.
>Stupid Gazhatol probably knew this was going to happen.
>She can read minds after all.
>Or flay them, whatever.
>I’d like to flay her mind.
>After the feast we all went back to Bea and Bec’s house where I was forced to sleep in their bed.
>No hunka chunka though, strictly forbidden until after the ceremony.
>Which may or may not be like a royal consummation.
>Which is a fancy way of saying shitty fucking voyeurism to prove that I do the deed and also that the two kobold are ‘pure.’
>If I’m gonna be a wizard someday then I cannot let this happen.
>No matter how much I might want it.
>I mean don’t get me wrong Bea and Bec are attractive and nice, but this is moving way too fast for someone like me.
>I hardly even know them, for fuck’s sake!
>And marrying both Bea and Bec? Really?
>Weren’t they talking shit about the goblins for their polyamorous ways?
>Or is it okay because we’ll be married?
>Hypocrisy at its finest.
>Hypocrisy with overtones of incest.
>Hell I hope not.
>Only fucking perverts and weirdos like that shit.
>Bea and Bec are holding either of my arms in theirs, snuggling up close to me.
>This is torture.
>Why even do this if we’re not allowed to do anything until we’re officially married?
>’Monsters are fucking weird.’
<Oh, please, like you haven’t done anything weird or outlandish in your entire life.
>’Oh, hey Gaz.’
>’You just watching the show?’
<Oh, yes, it is rather entertaining.
>’Good, because you’re a bitch.’