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/monster/ - The Last Bastion of Romance

Monstergirls

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File: d521c0a39fd74b3⋯.png (Spoiler Image,891.44 KB,725x719,725:719,The colors transform....png)

ef2baf No.376771 [View All]

You shouldn't have been fucking with those magic time crystals, Anon! In your quest to make monstergirls real, you've gotten yourself sent into an alternate reality! How on Earth (or wherever the hell you are now) do you plan to survive with your virginity in tact is completely up to you. Now where and when have you gone and how will you survive?

Roll 3d7. The first number determines your location, the second determines what time period, and the third determines what hue the crystal was that sent you on your way, shaping the reality you were sent to.

Location

1. Jungle Island: You're trapped on a massive, tropical island in the middle of an endless ocean. The insect girls will pick you off if you aren't careful, and the plant girls are well camouflaged. Roam too far in the water and you'll get dragged off by mersharks. If you're willing to brave the jungles, food is very common at least. Civilization practically doesn't exist here beyond a few amazon tribes, so regardless of your time period just about all tech is going to need to be created by you.

2. Underwater Cave: Far beyond the surface of the ocean is an endless cavernous maze lit up by beautiful glowing fungus. Pools of water are a source of fish and some of the fungus is edible and are a source of filtered water, but beware, you are likely to encounter things stranger than mermaids and cancers down here.

3. Undead Realm: The land of the Midnight Aristocracy! The night never ends here, and most of the plants are barren. So long as civilization exists, you can expect to find these girls to be a bit more cultured at least, and it isn't going change. Speaking of which, they are very old school and are often a generation behind in tech beyond the middle-ages, but rare exceptions of technology can be found.

4. Dry Desert: Good luck living out here, water is rare, and unoccupied sources of it are even rarer. Possibly lucky for you, if you're in the prehistoric era, water and trees are a bit more accessible here and in the future civilizations are more common and aren't too hard to find, but may be more ramshackle than one would hope. Watch for worms and bands of raiders.

5. Wild Forest: Pixies, elves, mucus toads, and werewolves. This is the possibly the most unpredictable location, as every grove is may be an ambush, but not every girl you meet is trying to jump your bone, and food is plentiful, but many plants aren't as safe as they look. As time passes expect technology to move very slowly, but magic will advance at a faster rate in its stead, leading to higher potential for more powerful and complex spells and rituals. Don't expect much help from the snobby elves.

6. Frozen Wastelands: Pretty bad luck to be here, you would freeze to death in a few hours if there weren't any of those magical heat flowers growing around. Most plants you do find probably aren't edible, so fishing and hunting are going to be your main source of food. There aren't too many girls wandering this harsh weather, and avoiding them won't be easy, but perhaps its better you get caught than frozen in a blizzard. Perhaps you'll find some luck and run into some nomads or even a civilization built to withstand this harsh world.

7. High Mountains: Incredibly unusual and difficult terrain where climbing or going around one mountain just simply leads to another. The dwarves are friendly and technologically advanced, but their underground cities are well hidden and very rarely do they step out. Rivers run at the very base of the mountains, but plants and animals are a scarce sight. Keep your eyes on the skies as you'll regularly see harpies during the day and werebats at night, but don't forget to keep an eye out for ground predators or those who lurk the many caves.

166 posts and 20 image replies omitted. Click [Open thread] to view. ____________________________
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7fd0ef No.379835

>>379834

>I see my collection has thankfully remained untainted by a certain plant’s milk of the cherry popper.

>Unlike my master I keep my belongings in a vault organized with scores of aisles, all categorized both alphabetical and by likeness.

>My scrolls with scrolls, trinkets with trinkets and consumables likewise.

>Anything not fitting in any one category goes in an area I have dubbed miscellaneous or in the second basement given to my…

>Well… that’s a secret for now.

>One of those ‘not even Master knows’ secrets.

>Anyway, maybe I have some sleep powder in here?

>Or maybe I could subdue her by some other means?

>Or… I could break out the big guns.

>The one thing that is sure to help me out in this situation!

>I run down the aisles until I reach a small section where I keep any rings I steal- I mean come across.

>There’s one ring I have in mind.

>Something truly game changing when it comes to this tentacle girl.

>It’s basically like cheating.

>Ah, here it is!

>The ring of Freedom of Movement!

>Yeah, I know, I’m basically a genius.

>For… having held onto this thing for so long.

>Ignoring the irony of the situation I slip the ring onto my finger.

>I don’t feel any different.

>Don’t really want to tempt fate, either.

>Well, maybe I can get to work on her playpen while I’m here.

>I’m thinking I probably have some kind of magical item here for her.

>Might as well browse around.

>I have all kinds of magical little trinkets and the like but none of these are really going to hold her downstairs.

>Maybe there's something in the armor department?

>From gauntlets to greaves I have several enchanted pieces of armor but nothing that would keep a tentacle girl in place.

>Or at the very least out of my way.

>Maybe a tanglefoot bag?

>No, too messy.

>Maybe something like these boots of burden?

>Nah, she doesn’t even have feet.

>Why do I have those anyway?

>A book of wordplay?

>What is this shit?

>Wait a minute.

>That tentacle girl hasn’t spoken a word to me.

>Maybe she can’t?

>Maybe I’m going about this the wrong way?

>Turn my ass around and head back to rings.

>How about… oh, this might work.

>Been meaning to test this thing out anyway.

>Haven’t used it on myself because I don’t know if there are any serious drawbacks.

>Not that I expect her to experience anything bad.

>Take the ring of intelligence.

>With any luck this could help us communicate.

>Gonna tie a string to it just in case this backfires.

>I got my ring on too so there’s no chance she’ll grab me.

>Right?

>Whatever, can’t hide in here forever.

>Head back to door.

>I can hear her sloshing about still trying to figure out how to get in.

>The knob is jiggling but she hasn’t figured out how locks work.

>This’ll change that - hopefully.

>Open door.

>Tentacle girl flops in, having pressed herself up against the door.

>She looks around the room confused until she sees me.

>Watch her turn over to face me.

>A smile spreads across her face again.

>She starts reaching up at me with both ‘hands.’

>Take the opportunity to slip the ring onto one of her ‘fingers.’

>She stops suddenly and falls back to the floor with another flop.

>her face is back to being confused.

>She looks around the room again.

>Sees me.

>Her mouth opens.

>She’s mouthing words.

>Shit my experiment is going so well, I’m fucking ecstatic.

>Practically bouncing on my feet as she clears her throat and tries again.

<“W-where… are we, husband?”

>Huh. Memory loss or was she never aware of her immediate surroundings to begin with?

>”We’re uh… home.”

>She smiles again.

<“Oh, I see!”

>Can’t help but smile back.

>Wait, did she call me husband?

>Shit.

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0f3426 No.379839

>>379835

Nice stuff, writefag.

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ef2baf No.379950

>>379833

That’s fine. I’m enjoying it.

I firmly believe that the tentacle girl was only trying to get spirit energy crumbs from that onahole.

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aaae9d No.386987

Dice rollRolled 4, 4, 5 = 13 (3d7)

rolling

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7fd0ef No.387245

>>379835

Time to bump this dead thread back to life

>Well, tentacle girl isn’t going to rape me, but not for lack of trying.

>She keeps attempting to latch onto me, but thanks to my ring of Freedom of Movement she can’t quite get a grip.

>Still getting her juices on me.

>So basically now it’s the same only she can talk and understand me.

>When I put that ring on her she essentially became a different person - as if she just woke up from a long slumber.

>Explain the current situation outside the bag.

>No idea what the goblins are planning or what’s going on outside other than they’re going to try to rape me to death.

<“I can help you, husband!”

>”Stop calling me that. We’re not marrie-“

<“Then why put a ring on my finger?”

>She gives me a dumb smug look.

>Damn ring of intelligence made her a smartass.

>Can’t argue with her, just a waste of time.

>”Whatever, what do I call you?”

<“You can call me Wife!”

>”No, I’m Anon, what is your name?”

>She thinks for a moment before answering.

<“Talis.”

>Sounds fancy.

>For a tentacle.

>Have her help me gather up my magical items and head for the exit.

<Spent years looking for a wizard.

<Finally found one and even managed to capture him.

<Now he’s whisked himself away into his magical bag and possibly escaped.

<Sit around waiting with hobgoblin chieftains and shaman.

<Shaman says the wizard cannot leave unless he comes back out of the bag.

<Apparently it’s something called a ‘bag of holding.’

<I don’t really get it but she knows a great deal of things with the help of the sea god.

<See bag moving inside.

<“Chime, make ready, the wizard comes!” Shaman says.

<Everyone is ready to pounce on the wizard the moment he comes out.

<I’ll be the first to nab him!

<See opening of bag loosen.

<Now’s my chance!

<Leap for it, only to be grabbed by multiple… tentacles?

<Get pulled into bag before I know what’s going on.

<Can hear the others shrieking before nothing.

>”Ah, It’s Chime, good catch, Talis.”

<“You know this creature, husband?”

>”Please stop calling me that.”

<What the hell is going on?

<I see the wizard standing next to… one of those tentacle monsters from the caves.

<But she speaks?

<How?

>”So, Chime, how are things outside?”

<I don’t really know how to answer that.

<I just sit here dumbfounded.

<This real life wizard must have just used a spell on me.

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7fd0ef No.387246

>>387245

>The goblin seems to be overwhelmed by the situation.

>”Talis, could you bring her inside and release her?”

<“Of course, husband.”

>”Stop it.”

>She just give me that smug grin again before going to the kitchen with the goblin.

>Just what the hell am I gonna do now?

>Follow Talis in with Chime.

>She plops the little goblin down at the dining table.

>Chime seems particularly disgusted but otherwise too shocked to say anything.

>I’m guessing she was sat down in a… puddle.

>Slam a hand down on the table to snap her out of it.

>Seemed to work.

>”So, Chime. What are the goblins up to?”

>She just kind of looks at me with a blank stare.

>Like she’s been plucked out of her world and has no idea where she is.

>I know that feel.

<“Perhaps I should help her talk?” Talis offered.

>”No, that’s okay. I got this.”

>In my youth I was the most competent schoolyard bully.

>Really, it’s the only reason Master picked me out of everyone else.

>Supposedly she did it to keep me out of trouble and now here I am, right in the middle of it all.

>”Chime, You know I’m a wizard, right?”

<“Y-yes?”

>”You know what wizards can do, yes?”

<“N-no…?”

>The goblin shrinks back into her ooze filled chair.

>”Well… I made it possible for this tentacle here to speak!”

>She looks at Talis who smiles back at her in an almost threatening manner.

>”Just think, if I could make her speak, what kind of awful things could I do to you? Maybe I could turn you into a dragonewt.”

<“Or make you disappear!” Talis’ smile gets progressively more threatening.

>Give the little goblin my best smile.

>Which, by most accounts, is rather upsetting.

>Chime squeals.

<“The others are waiting for you to come back out!”

>”Are they? Good! Talis, would you show Chime to the basement?”

>”The second one?”

>”Just head down to the first one and keep heading straight, can’t miss the second set of stairs.”

>Talis gives me a confident nod and wraps her ‘hands around the goblin once again.

<“Wait, you’re not letting me go?”

>Her whimpering is awakening the inner bully in me.

>”Oh no, you’ve seen too much!”

>She turns pale, almost as if I told her I was going to eat her alive.

>Which is nonsense.

>The only women I ‘eat’ are the ones with enough ‘meat’ on them.

>You know.

>If I had the chance.

>Okay, I may not be a wizard but at this rate I will be…

>Time to go pay the goblins a visit, get myself out of this mess and figure out my next move.

>Could always play pretend and see what this almighty goblin god looks like.

>That gives me an idea!

>”Hey, Talis!”

<“Yes, husband?”

>”Stop it. Bring Chime back up here, I have a job for her!”

>What’s the worst that could happen?

>Peak out of bag with a seeing glass.

>Kind of awkward but I can hear the goblins squawking at one another pointing at it.

>There are dozens of them in this holding cell they’ve placed me in.

>Obviously they’ve seen my hand poking out of the bag, but I still have the drop on them.

>Well, this calls for some ‘magic.’

>Throw out one of my thunder stones.

>THOOM!

>Thunder stone erupts with a great roar as I pop a smoke bomb out of the bag like some kind of street performing magician.

>Emerge from the bag in the puff of smoke, throwing a few more thunder stones.

>Goblins are flipping their shit like I’M the monster.

>Most of them get the hell out of dodge while some of the hobgoblins remain.

>One particularly scruffy one looks about ready to rush me, thinking she can solve this with brawn.

>I snap my attention to her and she hesitates, rethinking her choice.

>How about I light a fire under your ass.

>Throw some alchemist’s fire near her, narrowly missing.

>It bursts into flames and appears to set the stone wall on fire.

>The other hobgoblins flea, but one of them falls flat on her ass.

>Perfect!

>Pick her up by the scruff of her shirt.

>”Take me to your god!”

>Behind me Talis is shadowed in the smoke along with Chime.

>The goblin translates my words to the best of her ability, which only frightens the hobgoblin more.

>She’s shaking but she points her quivering hand in the right direction.

>Well, she at least got the message.

>She is now my handy GPS.

>A Goblin Pointer Servant.

>”Okay, Talis, let’s go!”

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7fd0ef No.387247

>>387246

>My new hobgoblin hostage leads me through several passageways leading up to what I assume is their god’s chamber.

>I can hear the other goblins following us, sometimes I can even see them.

>Chime says they’re afraid.

>Well, yeah, obviously.

>I just single handedly magicked their asses.

>Well, kind of.

>Goblin hostage points me towards an opening in the cave lit by several mushroom torches and some kind of… glowstone?

>It’s giant and blue, but still somehow different from the one in my bag.

>Seems more like glowing is all it does.

<Who dares to trespass in my abode so foolishly?

>Great, another voice in my head.

>Seems the others heard it as well, though.

>I hate that shit.

>Not the first time I’ve had voices in my head with the way my Master runs things, but can’t people just use their damn voice anymore?

>I’ll worry about that later.

>Pretty sure I can’t move.

>Oh, it’s probably because this is some kind of binding magic.

>I should probably answer her.

>“I dare. I am Anon the Wizard!”

<“WHAT?!”

>The room shakes with her booming voice.

>Wait… booming voice?

>Hobgoblin hostage is whimpering in my arms, scared out of her mind.

>My introduction must have broken the caster’s concentration because the hobgoblin is struggling hard.

>Decide to let her go and watch her run off.

>Not Chime, though.

>She deserves the punishment of having to stick around with me as translator.

>That’ll show her for being such a nerd.

>Talis doesn’t seem to give two shits about the booming voice or shaking cave.

>She’s smarter now, so either she knows something I don’t or she’s still too dumb to realize that we may be fucked.

>Can’t lose my cool, stick to my guns.

>”Anon the Wizard!”

<“A WIZARD? OH MY, I WASN’T EXPECTING THOSE GOBLINS TO FIND A WIZARD DOWN HERE!”

>I still see no source of this shouting and look to Talis for answers.

>She seems too focused on the crystal to give me any input.

>Chime is just covering her little pointed ears, poor girl.

>Have a change of heart, as they are no use to me at the moment.

>In the bag with the both of them, I’ll slap some sense into them myself later.

>”Why don’t you show yourself!”

>The crystal in the cave turns a deep reddish purple and soon enough someone… or something comes slithering out from behind it.

>I see a silhouette that reminds me of Talis a little…

>No, wait.

>I see glowing yellow orbs.

>I know what this is.

>I read about this once in Avery Knowles’ book.

>Mindflayer.

>More like Mindfucker.

>Not as bad as Talis’ degenerate implication of back door exploration, but I don’t like the idea of deep tongue/tentacle wet willies.

>’She comes out into the light, her vibrant skin a beautiful, light purple tinge reflected in the crystal, only matched by the captivating yellow oculi on her head.’

>Pretty sure she just made me think that.

>’I woulda just said she was a purple octopus.’

>See her pout for a moment.

>She can hear my thoughts, can’t she?

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7fd0ef No.387248

>>387247

<Oh, yes, you know me so well already! She answers in my head.

>’Great.’

>”Great.”

<Stop that.

<So, if you are a wizard, then you should know why you’re here!

>”Well, I mean, I’m here to bargain for my freedom - and by bargain I mean you’re going to get me out of here before your little goblin cultists rape my ass.”

<Oh? Am I now?

>The Crystal turns red for a moment

>That is, before I threw a thunderstone at it, causing the mindflayer to shriek.

<”No stop! Don’t do that!”

>”What? Keep hitting that crystal until it breaks? Can do!”

<“No, wait, really! Have mercy, O great and powerful wizard!”

>I decide in all my wizardly wisdom to heed her pleas for mercy.

>”Why is that crystal so important to you?”

<“It-it… it is my home!”

>”Home, huh? That where you eat all your sacrifices?”

<“Sacrifices? No sacrifices! The goblins bring their men here and I give them my blessings to wed and bed each other.”

>”You do know that these giddy little goblins gangbang their grooms?”

>The mindflayer looks a little dejected now.

<”I… I do.”

>She seems genuinely upset by this.

>”Are you truly a god?”

<“God? Me? Ha, no way! Leave that stuff to the Sea Bishops. I keep telling the goblins to stop calling me that but they don’t listen.”

>”Then what the hell do you get out of this whole setup?”

<”Well, I’m getting the royal treatment, of course! As royal as you can in a place like this.”

>Raise my brow to that.

>”You’re not from around here?”

<”Oh, heavens no. I was summoned here by my cute little acolytes.”

<”They’re much smarter than they let on.”

>’Oh.’

>”Oh.”

<”Please stop that.”

>”But one of them told me that they were going to give me to you as some kind of sacrifice.”

>”Or well, she made it sound like they were gonna give me to you.”

<”Oh, that must be Chime.”

<”She’s such a good girl, always looking to hook me up with a man.”

<”Asking me all sorts of questions about what kind of man I wanted and all that nonsense you ephemeral types worry about.”

<”I told her I’d only settle for a wizard just so she would stop pestering me about it.”

<”I never thought for a second that she would actually manage to find one so deep under the sea.”

>”Wait… under the sea?”

<”Yes, by several thousand leagues.” She answers with no hint of delicacy.

>’Oh.’

>”Oh.”

>She gives me a frustrated groan.

>The sensory overload of hearing my thoughts and my voice must be really irritating.

>’Maybe if she didn’t keep invading my private thoughts she wouldn’t have to put up with that.’

>Mindflayer gives me a look of shame from my accusatory thought.

>My inner bully is getting a little bit of a heart throb looking at her now.

>’Shit, she might actually be pretty cute.’

>Pretty sure that thought was on me this time.

>It escapes my noggin before I can react, which seems to turn the Mindflayer’s frown upside down.

>Her purplish face even turns a pretty shade of red as she tries to hide her embarrassment.

<”Oh, Anon, please, I’m not that kind of girl.”

>”Uh-huh, I’m sure.”

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7fd0ef No.387249

>>387248

>”Say, I never did ask what your name was.”

<”Oh, interested are we?”

>”Well, yeah, that’s why I asked.”

>My sudden sarcasm threw her for a loop for a moment before she burst into laughter.

<”You are certainly something, Anon. I am called Gazhatol.”

>She holds out a hand for me to take.

>I reluctantly oblige, reaching up to touch her fingertips.

>As soon as I touch them I feel a jolt of energy enter my body, like some kind of entity embraced me.

>It’s not unpleasant, as a matter of fact it kind of feels like a wholesome, full bodied hug from an old highschool sweetheart I had a crush on years ago.

>That’s oddly specific, O brain of mine, especially considering I never had an old highschool sweetheart.

>Still, I can’t really argue with the feelings that I’m… feeling.

>”Feels pretty nice.”

<”I thought you might like that.”

>She scrunches up her nose at me with a playful smile.

>Her fingers intertwine with my own.

>They feel soft, if not a little springy, like some kind of sea mammal.

>That hugging feeling gets a little more intense as the tentacles in her hair slowly reach up to engulf me.

>Her hair slips right off me and she nearly topples over.

>I still have a hold of her hand and manage to pull her into my arms.

>Like the smoothest chad ever.

>”Whoa, whoa, hold on there, Gaz.”

<”G-Gaz?” She looks up at me, her face red and flustered but otherwise infatuated.

>I now realize she probably thinks Gaz is some kind of pet name.

>This relationship is moving way too fast.

>Hand holding and pet names, what next, kissing on our first date?

>What are people gonna think of me back home?

>”Yeah, see, I like ya and all, but I don’t plan on sticking around here. I’m sure you understand.”

>”I need to find a way home and you might be able to help me.”

>Gaz looks disappointed but she quickly steps back and brushes herself off.

<”O-of course. Why would anyone want to life here - hahaha.”

>She turns away and slowly makes her way back around the crystal.

>Follow her.

>When I round the crystal she’s nowhere to be seen.

>Feel pretty guilty.

>Don’t think it’s her using her weird mindfuckery, either.

>Fuck it.

>Already traipsing about with two monsters in my bag of holding, what could it hurt having another?

>”You know, Gaz… if you’d like to come with, I wouldn’t mind.”

>Try not to laugh at the unintentional pun.

>Gaz giggles in my head a little.

<Was that meant as some kind of joke?

>’Oh, we’re back to talking in my head, are we?’

<I have to admit, Anon, despite what you think your headspace is rather cozy for me.

>’I’m not sure what the hell that’s supposed to mean, but I’m flattered?’

<”You should be.” Gazhatol says, poking her face out of the crystal like it was some kind of illusion.

>Probably some kind of pocket dimension of her own in that thing.

>Like my bag of holding but for eldritch monsters like herself.

>’Best not go in, probably lose my mind in there.’

<”Very observant of you, Mr. Wizard.” She teased as she exited the crystal now fully covered in some kind of traveller’s cowl.

>She reaches back and taps the crystal, causing it to disappear in a fit of sparkles.

<”I will gladly accompany you, Anon. I think a change of scenery would be nice.”

>”Great. So uh. You need to talk to the goblins? Maybe tell them you’re leaving?”

<”Oh, yes, good idea.”

>I watch as her yellow eyes light up.

>She begins making expressions like she’s having some kind of conversation with each of the goblins simultaneously.

>Kinda weird but also impressive.

>She stops for a moment to raise a brow at me.

<”Where is Chime?”

>”Oh, Chime, yeah uh… She’s kind of in my bag of holding at the moment as a hostage.”

>Gazhatol narrows her eyes at me.

>”What? Those goblins weren’t exactly hospitable. Matter of fact, they kidnapped several men as far as I know!”

>She continues to give me the ‘evil eye.’

>It’s more cute than threatening oddly enough, though I don’t know if that’s just her playing tricks on my brain or not.

>Sigh and open up the bag of holding.

>Talis comes out with Chime entangled in her appendages, still smiling, still slimy.

>”Talis, please let the goblin go.”

>She releases her obediently and gives me an even bigger smile, like a puppy expecting a treat for her trick.

>Awkwardly pat her on the head and turn to Gaz who seems flabbergasted.

>’Flabbergazted.’

<Stop that right now, Anon.

>’No.’

>Now it’s my turn to look smug.

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7fd0ef No.387250

>>387249

>”Talis, this is Gaz.”

<”Please, call me Gazhatol.” Gaz instructs Talis.

>”Gaz, this is Talis, my uh…”

<”His wife.”

>”ASSISTANT. My assistant. We aren’t married.”

<”He gave me this ring.” Talis says, flaunting the Ring of Intelligence on her ‘finger.’

>Gaz inspects the ring and smiles slyly.

<”Oh, this? Let me inspect it, it could be a fake!”

>Talis looks shocked, turning to me like I betrayed her or something.

>I shrug.

>She holds it up for Gaz to look at, only for the mindflayer to snatch it off her ‘finger.’

>Before Talis can protest Gaz jabs a finger right onto her forehead, rendering her completely unconscious.

>”Hey, you know, she’s a lot easier to manage when she’s wearing that.”

>Gaz ignores my protests and continues to inspect the ring.

<”Where did you get this, I wonder?”

>”It’s uh… it was something that belonged to my master.”

<”Your master?”

>”Long story.”

<”I could just read your mind-”

>”Later, right now I’d like to get out of here.”

<”I’m coming with!” Chime finally pipes up.

>”What?”

<”Wherever Lady Gazhatol goes, so do I!”

>”Oh, sure, fine.”

>”By all means, why don’t I just bring the whole damn goblin tribe with me?”

>Chime’s eyes lit up at the idea, which I quickly flicked her ears for.

>”No.”

>”Just get back in the bag and don’t forget Talis.”

<”You don’t forget Talis!” Chime shouts, jumping in the bag before I can give her my totally awesome comeback.

>I look to Gaz who is just giggling away.

<”I do love Chime’s spunky attitude.”

>”Whatever, just help me get Talis up.”

<”Oh, allow me.”

>Gaz snaps her fingers and immediately Talis jumps up on her… feet?

>Tentacles?

>I’m just gonna call them feet.

<”Oh, Husband, I just had an awful dream.”

>I look at Gaz, mouthing the words ‘what the hell did you do?’

>She winks at me.

<”This purple tentacle lady stole our wedding band and knocked me out-”

>”One second Talis.” I say, putting up my finger.

>”Gaz, I want answers.”

<”That’s her!” Talis yelps, trying to latch onto me.

>She fails of course.

>Freedom of Movement.

>Gaz holds out the ring for Talis to take back.

<”Sorry, I was wrong, this is indeed a genuine ring.” She says with as much sincerity as she could muster.

>Talis takes the ring back and quickly slips it on her ‘finger.’

<”Of course it’s real! Just like my husband’s love for me!”

>”Talis, get back in the bag.”

<”See? True love!”

>Talis turns to me and smiles like some kind of sitcom housewife.

<“Yes, husband.”

>She tries to peck me on the cheek, but I quickly open the bag and she slips inside with a squeal.

>”What the hell did you do to her?”

<”I just made a more permanent solution to your dilemma is all.” Gaz answer.

<“My, my, a wizard with his own ‘pets.’ I’m impressed.”

>I don’t like the way she said ‘pets.’

>Her bedroom eyes and tone of voice imply she thinks this is some kind of harem shit.

>Well it’s not!

>”What about the ring?”

<”Oh, that? It’s completely worthless now, had to practically transfer its effects over to her mind, otherwise it would have taken longer and the results could have varied.”

<”Mind melding like that can be tricky, she could have come out much, much worse.”

<“Ironically she might have become a vegetable, or worse, she could have become a being like myself.”

>”So now I’m out of a ring. Great.”

<”Oh, don’t be so materialistic, now you can rest easy knowing Talis won’t mindlessly attack you.”

>I let out a deep sigh.

>I really liked that ring, it was handy when I had to study all that stupid shit for my master about Einstein-Rosen bridges or whatever else she felt like hitting me with.

>I think she did that in an attempt to punish me for skipping out on her daily shoulder and back massages.

>If I didn’t know any better I think she’d been using me as some kind of errand/fuck boy hybrid.

>But I know that owl has about as much sex drive as I have natural magic.

>Which is to say none at all.

>Avery Knowles has more of a sex drive than her, and she’s shy as the day is long.

>I miss those cow-tits.

<“Ahem.”

>”Oh, sorry, was thinking about-“

<“Cow-tits, yes, I know.” Gaz interjected.

<“Come along, Mr. Wizard, we have much to do to get you back home.” She says walking past me, her hips swaying in a overtly sexual manner.

>”Oh, oh, can we go to the Kobold tribe first? I have friends there and they need to know I’m okay.”

>Gaz turns back to me with a look of surprise.

<“Friends with the Kobold? You are impressive, Anon.”

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7fd0ef No.387251

>>387250

More eventually if people are still interested in this ideano clue where I'm going with this shit:^)

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ef2baf No.387257

>>387251

Still enjoying it, just be sure to figure out where it's going to end up.

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7fd0ef No.387390

>>387250

>The goblins allow us safe passage, finally coming to the realization that none of them are ‘worthy’ of me now that Gaz has ‘claimed’ me, or so Chime says.

>Gaz convinced me to let her say goodbye to them all, both her and Chime seeing as how they probably won’t see each other again.

>But not before commanding them to cease their fighting with the Kobold.

>They reluctantly agree, seeing as how when I looked around they seemed to have more than enough men among them for the village to thrive.

>Greedy little goblins.

>Manage to convince the hobgoblins to release the men they stole from the Kobold to leave, under threat of my wizardly wrath.

>Oh and I guess Gaz helped with that, too.

>She really has them wrapped around her fingers.

>Maybe she can convince them to stop being shitty gang rapists, too?

>Nah, doubt it.

>Whether it's just mind tricks or they really do believe she’s some kind of god is up in the air, but you can’t change their nature.

>That sounds like something my shitty master would say.

>I think.

>Who cares?

>So now I’m traveling through the cave with a tentacle in my bag, a goblin and a mindflayer on either side and several confused men.

>Unfortunately we have to travel back through mushroom country.

>The horrors of the matango pit are still burned into my retinae.

>Thankfully Chime is a useful guide, she knows a way around the matango pit by way of another passage.

>Glowing mushrooms here and there, Chime and some of the men are carrying their own mushroom torches.

>Thank God, otherwise it’d be impossibly dark.

>’Like darker than a couple hellhounds on Martin Luther King day.’

>’Darker than a banshee’s lyrics in a band full of cutters at a midnight concert.’

>’Darker than the only shoggoth at a maid convention run by kikimoras.’

<Stop it, Anon.

>’No.’

<“It’s still a bit dangerous but it’s not nearly as bad, just be on your guard.” Chime pipes up.

>’Ha.’

>Gaz groans in my brain.

>Perfect.

>”Fair enough. Anything beats becoming a shiitake’s personal pecker.”

>Hear some kind of strange noises of pitter pattering feet ahead of us.

>It’s not Chime, she’s right next to me.

>She goes quiet and puts an arm in front of me, motioning for everyone to stop.

>We wait several moments as the sound runs back and forth.

>Only one pair of feet as far as I can tell.

>”What is it…?” I whisper as low as I can by Chime’s ear.

>The goblin’s ear flickers and her face turns red.

<“Don’t do that!” She hisses back at me.

>”Forget that what the hell are we stopping for?”

>Chime composes herself and points forward.

<“Mushroom creatures. They’re very aggressive, very fast. Nothing like those… what did you call them? Matango?”

>”I’ve never heard of such a thing.”

<“Oh, they rarely come out this way, but this one probably got lost.”

>”Are they dangerous? Like matango dangerous?”

<“For us goblins, yes, but for a wizard like yourself, probably not. Just keep it down, there could be more of them!”

>Makes sense.

>I’m kind of curious to see it.

>”Hey! Mushroom!”

<“What the hell are you doing?!” Chime shrieked.

>”What, you said they wouldn’t be dangerous to me.”

<“They are for me, dammit!”

>Pitter patter of feet gets louder and louder until finally I see a big mushroom come running towards the sound of my voice.

>Her white, fleshy skin and giant mushroom cap are practically glowing in the darkness of the cave.

>No, wait, she IS glowing, if only a little.

>Despite running at me at full speed she has this bored look on her face.

>Like she’s some kind of low functioning fungus.

>Not sure what to expect but she isn’t slowing down.

>Chime yelps and hides behind me.

>Gaz is giggling wildly.

>The mushroom leaps at me and tries to latch onto me, only to slide down my front and flop on the cold, wet ground.

>She left a sticky residue on my shirt.

>Gross.

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7fd0ef No.387391

>>387390

>Little thing only comes up to my chest, and that’s only because of her stupidly big mushroom cap.

>She quickly gets back up and tries again, only to fail once more and fall behind me at Gazhatol’s feet.

<“Oh my, what an adorable little Myconid!” Gaz gushes.

>She grabs hold of the mushroom girl and pinches her cheeks, making faces at her.

>The mushroom’s eyes glaze over as she tries to break free and lunge at me once again.

<“Oh my, Anon, she seems to have taken a liking to you.” Gaz teases me.

>”Great, wonderful, what the hell is she?”

<“Didn’t you hear me? She’s a Myconid! A mushroom person.”

>”I’ve never heard of such a thing.”

>”I only know about matango.”

<“Well, this is a new discovery for you, then!”

>She’s right.

>I may not pay attention to everything in Avery Knowles’ book, but if there’s anything I do know it’s what kind of monsters are in her ‘bestiary.’

>Myconids are not one of them.

>This could be something big!

>Thankfully Gaz has a good grip on the little goober while I think about what to do with her.

>”Well, I guess she can come with us. It’d be quite the discovery back home.”

>Gaz looks elated, squishing the myconid girl’s face between her hands like she was playing with putty.

>The Myconid’s expression remained the same, as though she didn’t give two flying fucks.

>Which I guess is technically accurate considering my little lifesaver of a ring.

>Chime seems the most distraught by this.

<“B-but she’s dangerous!” She protested.

>”Oh, she’s harmless!”

>Gaz shakes her head.

<“She may be harmless, but she’s not to be taken so lightly. This is a fully grown Myconid. Look!”

>Gaz points at me.

>More specifically at my crotch, then to the other men with us.

>Every one of us has an erection.

>”Aw what the hell, Gaz.”

>The mindflayer laughs before giving the mushroom a hug.

<“They release spores that not only help them reproduce, but also help men… get into the mood.” She informs us.

>”Great, should have known, another damn rapist. Just throw her in the bag until I figure out how to deal with her.”

>Gaz gives me a sullen look.

<“We haven’t even learned her name and you want to just put her in your bag! Goodness, you are a beast!”

>”NOT A HAREM!”

>Open bag and slide it over Myconid’s head first.

>She swats the bag away and attempts to break out of Gaz’s hold, her arms reaching for me.

>Gaz is smiling ear to ear now.

<“Isn’t she just adorable?”

>Give her my own version of the evil eye.

>She laughs.

>Chime shushes her.

>”Look, could you at least make it possible for me to communicate with her?”

<“Well, I suppose I could try something but I won’t just do it for free. There are things I require for the spell.”

>”Oh? Like what?”

<“Special ingredients, otherwise it’s a wildcard, and that is a die you don’t want to cast.”

>Chime tries to shush us again.

<“Oh and as for my reward I require a kiss!”

>Damn it, this octoslut.

>”I might have the ingredients in the bag, so for now just please, please, please put her to sleep or something.”

>Gaz nods and taps the Myconid on her forehead, the little monster falling unconscious in her arms.

>Gaz might be trouble but so far she’s proving to be the most useful member of my motley crew.

>I open the bag of holding and Gaz reluctantly puts the Myconid into the bag.

>Thank God, now we can get moving again.

<”Dammit, they’re coming!” Chime whimpers.

>”Who?”

>Wait, what’s that sound?

>It sounds like rain hitting rock.

>Look behind us to see a sea of glowing mushrooms making their way towards us.

>Aw shit.

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7fd0ef No.387679

>>387391

>Running through these tunnels with a horde of Myconids on my ass was not on my list of to-dos.

>Then again, none of this ‘Journey to the Center of the Earth’ shit was, but I’ll worry about that some other time.

>Right now I have to worry about getting these men back to the Kobold less violated than they already had been.

>Chime is leading us through while Gaz and I bring up the rear.

>One of the Myconid had latched onto one of the guys already.

>By some miracle I managed to pry her off and throw her back into the others.

>They tumbled over one another like bowling pins.

>That’ll slow them down.

<“Anon, why don’t you use some of your magic on them?” Gaz suggests.

>”Oh, yeah, didn’t think of that!”

<“… and?”

>”Well I don’t want to hurt them!”

<“Don’t you have some kind of binding spell?”

>”Don’t you?”

>She doesn’t look very amused at our banter.

>Which is a shame because I thought we were really starting to connect there.

>Reach into my bag of holding and withdraw a flask - actually it’s more of a decanter.

>I nicked this thing off my mast- I mean I found it in the trash, yeah.

>Try to remember which word the manual said to use.

>Is it stream?

>No, that’s not it.

>Fountain?

>Is that bigger than stream? That doesn’t really make much sense, a stream can be huge compared to a dinky little fountain.

>What was the other word, geyser?

>Who the hell came up with this shit?

>Why not Waterfall or Ocean?

>Or Hydropump!

>No, I think that would be plagiarism.

>Whatever, I’ll just to with… uh…

>”Geyser!”

>Point decanter behind us while we run.

>Water begins to hose the Myconids down as they slide off the now wet and slippery rocks back down the way they came.

>The water keeps going, pushing them back far enough for us to get away.

<“Bravo, Anon. That was some magic back there!” Gazhatol congratulates me.

>I can’t tell if she’s being sarcastic or not.

>I assume she saw me pull out the decanter.

>Maybe she thinks I cast that spell?

>I guess I did, technically.

>Chime’s little heart is beating so fast I can practically see her bouncing where she stands.

<”Did… we lose them?”

>She seems out of breath.

>Offer her a drink from the decanter.

>She eyes both it and me suspiciously before carefully accepting it and sipping at it.

>Feel Gazhatol’s many eyes on my back.

>Try to resist urge to shout ‘geyser.’

>Fail.

>”GEYSER!”

>Chime’s face turns red and she runs away.

<“STUPID! IDIOT! ASSHOLE!”

>Gaz swats me on the back of the head.

>”What?”

>”It wouldn’t work anyway.”

>”It’s a once a day thing.”

>Gaz directs my eyes down at the decanter.

>The water is rising rapidly.

>Oh, shit!

>Point it back down the tunnel.

>’Down range,’ I’d call it.

>Decanter erupts in as another geyser pours down the tunnel.

>Take that Myconids.

>Look to Gaz for answers.

>She smiles as if she knew what was up.

>”What?”

>”What the hell are you smiling about?”

>Won’t tell me though no matter how much I ask her.

>Whatever, put my decanter away before something else happens.

>Guess I’ll HAVE to apologize to Chime.

>I mean, I’m still gonna bully her but Gaz is right, that could have actually hurt her.

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7fd0ef No.387680

>>387679

>Manage to catch up to Chime.

>She might be quick but she’s still a shorty.

>Little gobbo is sulking, her face still red.

>Well, might as well give it a shot.

>”Chime, I’m sorry about that, I just wants to play a little joke.”

>She sniffs and holds up a hand.

<“Don’t.”

>Aw shit.

>I really screwed up this time.

>Keep walking beside her for what feels like an hour.

>Chime finally stops and furrows her brow at me.

>I must be making a miserable face because she lets out a frustrated groan.

>She jumps up and punches me on the chin.

>Wow, that actually hurt.

>She’s surprisingly strong.

<“There. We’re even.”

>”Really?”

<“Really.”

>”Wow, you’re a bigger person than I thought.”

>”Oh, uh, that’s meant as a compliment, I promise.”

<“Just shut up and follow me, we’re very close to the Kobold village.”

>Try to give her a smile.

>She frowns.

<“And no smiling. I’m still mad at you.”

>”But you’ll forgive me?”

<“I’ll think about it. Get back to the rear and make sure no Myconids are following us.”

>On my way back I can see Gaz giving me a smug look again.

<“Oh my, quite the relationship you two are developing.”

>”Shut up, Gaz.”

<“Should I be worried about you two getting ahead of me?”

>”For the last time, Gaz, this is not a harem.”

>Her smiling eyes and that shit eating grin make me want to slap her upside the head.

>I think she read my mind because her smile gets even wider.

<“Maybe some other time, Anon. We’ve arrived at the Kobold village.”

>The look on the Kobold’s faces when we come into view of their village was priceless.

>It was like one of those videos of a dog’s master returning home from war.

>’Almost brings a tear to my eye, but I’m too manly for that.’

<I wouldn’t be too sure about that.

>’Shut up, Gaz.’

>Bea, Pesh and Ruka along with the rest of the tribe run out to meet us, several of them all hugging and bawling their eyes out as they embrace their lovers.

>Bea actually attempts to give me a hug but can’t seem to wrap her arms around me.

>”Hold on!” I say, slipping the ring off and stowing it in my pocket.

>I hold out my arms and she nearly crushes me in hers.

<“An-non, you are a real hero!” She says.

<“How did you ever free our men?”

>”Long story short, I’m awesome.”

>She suddenly looks over and notices Gaz and Chime, letting out a yip.

<“What are they doing here?!”

>This gets all of the Kobolds’ attention.

>”Whoa, whoa, hold on, Bea!” I say, pulling her close in an attempt to keep things civil.

>”Relax, relax, these are my, uh, friends. They helped me and these men escape.”

>Bea pressed X to doubt, glaring at Chime particularly, but she eventually buys the story.

<“Very well, if that is the truth then I shall treat them as friends.”

<“Oh-ho, don’t get too friendly, doggo! Last thing I need to smell like a wet mutt.” Chime chimes in.

<“Oh, so you speak our language now, O adulterous one?”

<“I’m as pure as the water is clear!” Chime retorts.

>Flick both their ears.

>”Behave.”

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7fd0ef No.387681

>>387680

>Both Chime and Bea pout and rub their ears, looking to Gaz for help.

>Gaz only smiles back and nods, as if to say she agreed with me, which only makes the two blush.

<“Ahem, I am Gazhatol, I am companion to my dear Anon here after he displayed his bravado in the rescuing of these fine gentlemen.”

>She holds out a hand for Bea to shake.

>Bea hesitates for a moment before taking her hand and giving it a firm shake.

<“I am called Bea, thank you for helping my people.”

>I’m happy that Gaz is getting along at least.

>After a moment I realize another kobold standing next to Bea, her face red as can be.

>It was the kobold I gave myself up for.

>Bea looks at me and smiles.

<“Oh, An-non! This is my sister, Bec, the one you rescued!” She says proudly.

>”Uh, hi, Bec.”

>Bec smiles awkwardly and slowly moves in to give me a hug.

<“Th-thank you.” She whimpers, fighting back sniffles.

>Aw geez, is she crying?

>I pat her back and try not to make this any more awkward.

<“An-non, thank you so, so much!” She howls.

>”Uh, maybe we should take this somewhere private.” I say to Bea who also looks to be on the verge of tears.

>Tears of joy, judging from that quivering smile.

>She nods and leads everyone back into the village.

<“Tonight there will be a feast, An-non. I want you and your friends to be there.

>Bea didn’t look like she would take no for an answer.

>I guess I had no choice.

>She takes us back to her place where we sit and discuss what happened, leaving select details out of course.

>Bea doesn’t need to know about Talis or that Myconid in my bag.

>Not yet anyway.

<“So you are a wizard, An-non?” Bea asked.

<“And you took on the whole goblin tribe by yourself?” Bec added, the two of them bewildered.

>”Well, yeah, I guess I did right up until I met Gaz here.” I say, motioning to the mindflayer.

>The kobold look a little uneasy looking at her.

>’Gaz doesn’t seem to mind.’

>’Ha.’

<Please stop.

>’No.’

>Stick my tongue out at the mindflayer.

>Her many eyes glow a bright yellow at me for a split moment before I get this woozy feeling in my noggin.

>Oh that biiiij… she made brain… no work good.

>In an instant the feeling is gone.

>Now it’s her turn to stick her tongue out.

>I’ll deal with her later.

>Bec looks a bit pensive until she realizes she’s staring at me, causing her to turn away blushing.

>Cute.

<“So now you are looking for a way home, An-non?” Bea says, bringing our attention back to the topic at hand.

>”Yes.”

<“I’ve offered to help him myself.”

>Both Bea and Bec eye Gazhatol skeptically before sighing.

<“An-non, are you sure that’s a good idea?” Bea asks flat out.

<“Yes, An-non! She could be extremely dangerous!”

<“Rude!” Gaz retorts, but that only emboldens the kobolds.

<“Let us be your loyal companions, An-non! We will not allow this deep witch to harm you!” They both demand.

>I look to Gaz who seems to really like the idea, nodding enthusiastically.

>I also look at Chime who clearly hates the thought, shaking her head furiously.

>”What about your village? Aren’t you two some kind of leaders?”

<“Oh, no, do not worry, An-non. We are not the only leaders. Pesh and Ruka are up to the task.” Bea answers confidently.

>Well, anything to bully Chime.

>”Alright, but don’t be in such a hurry, we still have a feast to go to.”

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7fd0ef No.387740

>>387681

>The Kobold know how to throw a feast.

>There’s all kinds of cooked fish and cave veggies in a big stir fry for the whole village.

>Carrots, mushrooms and other herbs and such.

>They even got a specially made Kobold brew.

>It’s pretty nice.

>I haven’t had a drink like this in ages.

>Not since I my master took me to her friend’s daughter’s bat mitzvah.

>Yes, she’s a danuki.

>Yes she tried to arrange a marriage between me and her daughter.

>Thankfully my master wouldn’t allow such a thing.

>She said something about me being anti-procyonetic.

>Whatever that means.

>Well, as long as I don’t have to deal with those filthy raccoons I’m good.

>The stuff there wasn’t nearly as strong as this Kobold hooch.

>Damn cheapskates.

>Everyone in the village pitched in, even Gaz and Chime, although they were given menial tasks on account of being outsiders.

>That or they just didn’t want the abomination and the goblin touching the food.

>I’m not allowed to lift a finger as I’m the guest of honor, or so I’m told.

>Bea and Bec have sat me at the head of the longtable with them flanking either side of me.

>Everyone is having such a good time I feel a real sense of accomplishment.

>You know, for having reunited the Kobold families.

>I did that.

>Gaz and Chime are sitting on either side of Bea and Bec.

>The village insisted that my friends stick close to me.

>Not sure if it’s because they want to honor them or because no one wants to sit near them.

>Whatever, it’s food time.

>Everyone is eating and drinking to their heart’s content.

>Chime is wolfing her food down faster than any Kobold, ironically.

>Maybe she’s never eaten food like this before?

>The goblin camp didn’t seem to have any means of cooking or farming.

>Did they just eat raw fish?

>Gaz is just staring at her plate with a weird smile on her face.

>Do Mindflayers not eat?

>Maybe they don’t eat cooked food?

>’Hey, Gaz, I know you’re in here.’

<Of course. What is it?

>’You should probably try eating your food.’

>’Y’know. Cuz it’s kind of rude not to.’

<Oh, is it? I was not aware.

<I’m actually eating right now.

>’You are? Cuz it looks like you’re just sitting there like a crazy person.’

<Rude!

>Notice her eyes are glowing every now and then.

>’Wait… you’re eating?’

<That’s what I said.

>’You’re eating everyone’s thoughts, aren’t you?’

<Look at you piecing that together.

<It’s like you’re a wizard or something!

>’Very funny.’

>’Seriously though, you should at least pretend to eat what’s on your plate.’

>’Food for thought.’

<I prefer thoughts for food.

<But if that is what you wish, Anon.

>She looks around and picks up her fork, studying how the Kobold are eating.

>Slowly she attempts to skewer some of the fish and veggies, putting them into her mouth.

>Gaz chews with a certain deliberation, her yellow eyes glowing at me as she smiles.

<It’s quite good, but not as tasty as this feasting of the minds.

>’I don’t like the way you said that.’

<Did you know your thoughts have flavor?

>’Why the hell would I know that?’

<They do! Yours are sweet and sour!

>’That is disgusting… and yet surprisingly interesting.’

>Gazhatol hums her agreement in my head.

<Your Kobold companions, there thoughts are bittersweet, like dark chocolate.

>’You know what chocolate is?’

<Of course I do, don’t be silly.

>’Alright, what about Chime? Bet her thoughts taste awful.’

<Actually they’re rather spicy. She’s a little firecracker, that one.

<I enjoy hers quite a lot.

>’What makes her thoughts so spicy?’

<It’s her emotions, the kinds of thoughts she has when she’s around us.

>’Us?’

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7fd0ef No.387741

>>387740

<Watch this.

<“Oh, Chime, isn’t this food just wonderful?”

>The goblin stops eating long enough to actually swallow her food.

>She stifles a burp before wiping her mouth.

<“Y-yeah! Way better than anything I’ve ever eaten!”

>Gaz grins at either of us, leaving us both confused.

<“We’ll have to thank Anon for bringing us along!” She says.

>Chime blushes and looks away, now eating her food self-consciously.

<Delicious.

>’So what’s that on the scoville scale?’

<There’s no exact number but I would equate it to one of your kind’s spicy peppers.

>’What like a jalapeño?’

<Hotter.

>’Habanero?’

<Even hotter.

>’What, a fucking ghost pepper?’

<Oh yeah.

>’What are you trying to say she likes me or something?’

<You ARE half the reason she came with us.

>’This is not a harem, Gaz.’

>’I have enough trouble trying to deal with Talis.’

<Maybe so, but that doesn’t change her feelings.

>’Can we go back to talking about the flavors of thoughts?’

<Why yes, yours are rather salty at the moment.

>Damn mindflayer smiles at me like some kind of faggot cat.

>I chew my food as threateningly as I possibly can.

>Suddenly both Bea and Bec stand up from their seats.

>Everyone stops eating and stares at them - and at me with their full attention.

<“Everyone, my sister and I have something to say to you all.”

>Oh boy, here goes the embarrassing speech.

<“Many in our village were saved thanks to the great and powerful An-non here who has revealed himself to be a wizard.”

<“Even my sister was saved by his selflessness.”

<“News has come to me that the goblins wish to pursue peace with us.

<“They have given back many of your husbands as a show of good faith.”

<“We have An-non to thank for that as well!”

>The table erupts with cheering and applause.

>Holy shit this is embarrassing.

>Gaz is just eating this shit up, too.

>Damn mindflayer is probably having her fill of this brain boggler buffet.

>Once the cheering has died down Bea starts up again.

<“Sadly, An-non will not be staying with us, as he must return home to his kind.”

>Bea waves a hand to Bec who takes a deep breath.

<“So we have decided that my sister and I are going to be his companions.”

<“That is, if he would have us.”

>Both the twins and the whole village stare at me awaiting my answer.

>I clear my throat before standing up from my seat.

>”Uh… I would be honored to have you!”

>That was the best I could think of.

>To my surprise the whole village begins to cheer.

>The twin kobold are smiling at one another, their cheeks rosey red.

>Even Chime is reluctantly clapping for them.

>Gazhatol is laughing now.

>’What the hell is so funny?’

<Oh Anon, you’re so wonderful.

>’What’s that supposed to mean?’

<Oh, you don’t know?

<Anon, you just accepted a marriage proposal.

>Well, great, I have a tentacle that thinks we’re married.

>A goblin who has a crush on me.

>A mindflayer who likes the taste of my thoughts and wants to force me into a harem.

>And now I was tricked into getting engaged to the kobold twins.

>Stupid Gazhatol probably knew this was going to happen.

>She can read minds after all.

>Or flay them, whatever.

>I’d like to flay her mind.

>After the feast we all went back to Bea and Bec’s house where I was forced to sleep in their bed.

>No hunka chunka though, strictly forbidden until after the ceremony.

>Which may or may not be like a royal consummation.

>Which is a fancy way of saying shitty fucking voyeurism to prove that I do the deed and also that the two kobold are ‘pure.’

>If I’m gonna be a wizard someday then I cannot let this happen.

>No matter how much I might want it.

>I mean don’t get me wrong Bea and Bec are attractive and nice, but this is moving way too fast for someone like me.

>I hardly even know them, for fuck’s sake!

>And marrying both Bea and Bec? Really?

>Weren’t they talking shit about the goblins for their polyamorous ways?

>Or is it okay because we’ll be married?

>Hypocrisy at its finest.

>Hypocrisy with overtones of incest.

>Hell I hope not.

>Only fucking perverts and weirdos like that shit.

>Bea and Bec are holding either of my arms in theirs, snuggling up close to me.

>This is torture.

>Why even do this if we’re not allowed to do anything until we’re officially married?

>’Monsters are fucking weird.’

<Oh, please, like you haven’t done anything weird or outlandish in your entire life.

>’Oh, hey Gaz.’

>’You just watching the show?’

<Oh, yes, it is rather entertaining.

>’Good, because you’re a bitch.’

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7fd0ef No.387742

>>387741

<Oh my, such anger.

>’You knew this was going to happen!’

>’You knew these two were tricking me into marriage and you just let it happen!’

<Calm down, Anon.

>’No YOU calm down! Are you trying to outdo the bicorns with your harem shit?’

<Anon, enough.

<I have my reasons.

>’Oh, really? What are they?’

>Gaz sighs in my brain somehow.

>I still don’t get how that works.

<I fear that there will be great trials ahead of us, so you need as many companions as you can get your hands on.

>’What kind of trials…?’

<Dangerous trials.

<Remember the Matango pit?

>’Were you diving through my memori-?’

<Well it will be like that but one thousand times worse.

<And the only way you’re going to make it through this is if you surround yourself with those who love you.

>’O… kay?’

<You will come to understand that what I’m telling you is the truth.

<I don’t do this because it’s some sick fantasy I have, Anon.

<I do it for your safety.

>’But you totally have a sick fantasy for this.’

<Okay, maybe a little, but that’s only the cherry on top of our rocky road ice cream sundae.

>’Have you even ever had ice cream?’

<No, but I hope you get me some someday.

>Feel Bea and Bec reposition themselves to get closer in on me.

<Oh my, Anon, does ice cream taste like whatever that thought was?

>’Thought? No thought! There wasn’t a thought!’

<Not you, them!

>’What thought?!’

<Oh, no, you had better get some sleep, Anon.

<Big day tomorrow.

>Shit, I’m gonna have to have a few words with my two brides here.

>We’re gonna have to skip through some of the traditions.

>Morning comes, both Bea and Bec are still wrapped around me.

>I try to escape their soft, yet vice like grip only to stir them from their slumber.

<“Oh, good morning An-non.”

<Yes, good morning.”

>”Good morning, girls.”

>”Look… uh… we gotta talk.”

<“What is it, An-non?

>They both sit up and give me their undivided attention.

>Boy, this is awkward.

>Uh… how do I say it?

>”Ladies, can we er… postpone the ceremony? Maybe?”

>They look understandably horrified.

<“B-but, An-non-!”

>”Wait, wait, wait, let me explain!”

>I don’t want to see them getting all teary eyed.

>”Look, we can still go through with this but there’s something you gotta understand.”

>They give each other a concerned look before I continue.

>This is way worse than I thought it was going to be.

>Think up a logical reason for postponing the marriage.

<You’re a wizard, Anon. Gaz suggests.

>’Do you ever sleep?!’

<No.

>Whatever, take Gaz’s idea.

>”I’m a wizard, right?”

<“Yes, An-non.”

>”So I can’t by any means uh… consummate the marriage…”

>”You know, ‘cause I’ll lose my powers.”

>”Then I won’t be able to go home.”

>That last bit was a bit of a fib.

>Actually the whole thing kinda was.

>Shit, I hope.

>The realization hits them and they both breathe a heavy sigh of relief.

<“Oh, An-non! Is that all?”

<“We thought you did not wish to get married!”

<“Let us get married today An-non and when we get you back home then we may… ahem…”

>They both seem to clam up at the thought of the hanky panky.

>Cute.

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2a1cd0 No.387752

Dice rollRolled 1, 6, 4 = 11 (3d7)

Rolling, Also started a new note;

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7d75c2 No.387756

Dice rollRolled 7, 2, 3 = 12 (3d7)

>>376771

Rolling, what do I get?

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2a1cd0 No.387759

>>387752

> Smart Amazons, Smarter insect/plant women, smarter aquatic girls.

> Smart Snu-Snu, Smarter vegitation/insectoid milking, smart leviathan size aquatic and great white girls.

> Desert Island ergo Gilligan's but on a Just Cause /Tropico scale, I might even want to factor in a volcano and heat elemental girls if I continue it far enough.

< I need to figure out how to get a flight suit… But I'm sure this island has harpy colonies as well.

< Oh boy here we go. (If anyone's reading this)

>>387756

read the OP. its for a preface of a CYOA or story theme.

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7fd0ef No.387867

>>387742

>We have breakfast downstairs with Chime and Gaz.

>Mindflayer’s still got a shit eating grin plastered on her face.

>Chime seems a little quieter than her usual self.

>I think I know why.

>Decide that I would spice things up by properly introducing Bea and Bec to the whole crew.

>And by that I mean Talis and that mushroom gal I have stowed away in my bag of holding.

>”Bea, Bec… I have some confessions to make.”

>They look concerned again.

<“What is it, An-non? Is it the ceremony again?”

>”Oh, no, nothing like that.”

>They look relieved again, poor things.

>”There are a few secrets that you should know about me… before you travel with me.” I say to the kobold sisters.

>Both Bea and Bec look determined, bracing themselves.

>I pull up my bag of holding and open it.

>”It would be easier if I just showed you. Follow the goblin.” I say, grabbing Chime and tossing her into the bag against her protests.

>Bea and Bec look at one another, astonished at my ‘magic’ before climbing in after the goblin.

>I hold the bag toward Gaz who smiles, complies and enters swiftly.

>Finally I join them, stepping into the bag.

>Inside, my four guests are waiting at the door to my portable home.

>Both Bea and Bec are looking around, bewildered by their new surroundings.

>Their astonished attitudes are quickly replaced with alertness as they notice the two viscous slime trails heading inside.

>”Okay, so, fair warning, this is gonna be pretty strange. I might have a uh… tentacle and a Myconid inside my house.”

<“What?” The two kobold ask together.

>Shove my way between them and open the door to reveal Talis struggling to wrestle the as of yet named Myconid to the ground.

>It’s like a repeat of before, the tables and chairs in the kitchen have been tossed around with all manner of things in a mess on the floor.

<“Oh, husband! Thank goodness you’ve returned, this little mushroom has been giving me quite the trouble!” Talis says with an innocent smile.

>Her addressing me as her husband seems to have confused the kobold, the two giving me an accusatory glare.

>”Look, it’s a long story, but we are not married, I swear.”

>They raise their brows at me and look to Gaz and Chime.

>Chime has a devilish grin as though she were going to say otherwise, but she is quickly interrupted by Gaz who agreed that I am not in fact a tentacle fucker.

>Much to the kobold twins’ relief.

>The Myconid has noticed me and has locked on, attempting with all its might to break free from Talis’ grasp to no avail.

>Chime squeals and hides behind me.

>I still don’t really understand her fear of this thing.

>Thankfully Talis is useful for something and has a good grip on her.

>Clear my throat.

>”Once again, Bea, Bec, this is Talis, my-“

<“Wife.”

>”ASSISTANT, DAMMIT!”

>My kobold companions are no less confused.

>I think I’m beginning to understand how my master feels about me.

>Maybe I should apologize to her when I get back.

>Nah, fuck that, it’s her fault I’m here in the first place.

>Before I can explain anything to Bea or Bec the Myconid slips out of Talis’ ‘hands.’

>Which causes Chime to flip her shit and run through the house to the nearest door and slam it shut behind her.

>My bedroom to be exact.

>The Myconid rushes me before anyone else can react.

>Manages to tackle me to the floor, only to slide off afterwards.

>She slips and slides around the floor before Talis scoops her up again and embraces her lovingly.

>Jeez, little twerp sure can pick up momentum.

>Talis pats the Myconid on the head.

>Or the cap.

>Is that part of her?

>Like hair or what?

<“Aw, our little Agari wants to give you a hug, husband!”

>What.

>”You named her?”

<“Of course I did! We’re keeping her, aren’t we?”

>Hate to admit it but she’s got me there.

>Not sure how I feel about the name Agari, though.

<“Oh, like the agaricus mushroom!” Gaz interjects.

>Talis nods.

>Yeah, as if she could think of something that clever.

>’Agaricus mushroom, as if.’

<Oh, behave, Anon.

>’No.’

>”Great, so you named her.”

>”Can we please do something to stop her from trying to bullrush me every chance she gets?”

<“I will try to work with her on that, dear Anon.”

>The mindflayer taps Agari on the head, knocking her out.

>”Thanks, Gaz.”

>”Well, while those two try to handle uh… Aggy, why don’t I show you gals around?”

>Bea and Bec slowly nod.

>I suspect they are having second thoughts in marrying me.

>But how could they resist the wiles of a tentacle charmer and mushroom collecting wizard?

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7fd0ef No.387868

>>387867

>Bea and Bec follow me around the house as I give them the grand tour.

>First floor, bedroom, kitchen, etc.

>Ignore the fact that Chime has bundled herself up in my bed and continue my tour.

>Basement where all my goodies are stored.

>Second basement has my most valuable possessions.

>After the tour we go back out to the Kobold village to get the ceremony done.

>It’s all pretty basic stuff.

>Some kind of ritual, they bind our hands in cloth and we say some vows to each other.

>I have to kiss the two brides, which is pretty weird.

>Do an awkward threeway kiss to show that they are both equals in some aspect.

>Not gonna lie, it’s pretty okay for being weirdo twin marriage shit.

>God, the longer I’m here in this cave the more degenerate I feel like I’m getting.

>And I’ve fapped it to a big tiddied ox professor.

>Bea and Bec managed to convince the town that I was a special case and would be unable to consummate the marriage for the reasons I told them.

>Thankfully the village agrees.

>Afterwards Bea, Bec, Gaz and Chime all spend several nights getting accustomed to living in my portable home.

>Talis seems to have adjusted already and I don’t really know how Aggy feels.

>No one is allowed to take anything from either basement without my permission.

>My Kobold wives seem to respect that rule.

>Not Talis, though.

>She seems to think everything here is ‘ours,’ on account of us being ‘married.’

>Which pisses my actual wives off.

>Chime doesn’t respect the rule either considering she’s a filthy goblin and can’t help herself around shiny things.

>Or at least that’s what I keep shouting at her when she thinks she can get away with stealing a potion.

>I don’t give a shit if it tastes amazing, that shit don’t grow on trees!

>I mean, the ingredients might but you know what I mean.

>She would ignore me if Bea or Bec weren’t around to straighten her out.

>Or they would if they didn’t encourage her.

>Strangely enough Bea and Bec admit to it being okay because they now find Chime to be kind of cute.

>Still manages to snag one every now and then.

>Fucking goblin.

>No one is allowed to go into the second basement because of this, so I’m the only one with the key now.

>Thankfully that actually manages to keep both Talis and Chime from doing so.

>Gazhatol has been managing Agari with Talis’ permission.

>Not that she has any say in it, it’s my decision to make.

>She has been using her powers, whatever they may be to teach the little mushroom some manners.

>She now has words to accompany her running tackles.

<“Anon, hug.”

>”No. Go hug Talis, I’m busy.”

>Her voice lacks emotion.

>Like a robot or something.

>But she’s always asking for hugs

>I manage to strongarm Aggy to keep her off me long enough for me to study any monsters I may run into.

>It’s like I’m actually a wizard now or something.

>I mean, I’m not, but I feel like I am.

>The ring does most of the work of keeping Aggy off me but I need that extra manpower to keep her from knocking me over again.

>Now that Gaz is free she’s been helping me plan out our next course of action while babysitting the little mushroom head.

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7fd0ef No.387869

>>387868

<“There is a place on the far side of the caverns where the sea bishops reside.”

>”Is it safe?”

<“Well, safety is relative to whether or not you’re a man.”

>”Which I happen to be.”

<“Yes, and that could be a problem.”

>”Well, I dealt with the goblins before, so how bad could the sea bishops be?”

<“They have magic for one thing.” Gaz points out.

<“For another they have other stronger creatures with them.”

>”Yes, but you forget I’m a wizard!”

>Kind of.

<“True, but there must be a limit to even your power, Anon.”

<“I don’t know how strong their binding magic can be.”

<“And I’ve yet to actually see what kind of spells you are capable of.”

>Shush her and look around.

>Thankfully no one but Aggy heard and she can’t even say more than ‘Anon, hug.’

>’Okay, look… I have a confession to make.’

<Anon, I know what you think, of course I know you’re not a wizard.

>’Okay, yeah, but like-‘

<Not yet, anyway.

>’Wait, what do you mean not yet?’

<I mean you have an immense well of magical potential that you haven’t even tried to tap into since we’ve met.

>’I… I do?’

<You do.

>”WHAT?!”

<“Ow, Anon, please don’t do that.”

>”Sorry… I uh. I had no idea.

>My master told me I had no magical properties of my own.

<“Well, she is right in some ways and wrong in others.”

>”What does that even mean?”

<“It means you do not produce your own mana.”

>”Okay… weird. How does that work?”

<“I suppose you were just born that way, but you are unique.”

>”In what way?”

<“Your mana reserves are compeltely full.”

<“I suspect that you may have absorbed the surrounding mana from around the cave.”

<“Allow me to look into your memories for a moment to confirm my theory.”

>”Well, don’t sound so professional about it, who knows what you’re going to find.”

>After a moment of her digging through my mindscape she hums for a moment.

<“There. When you first ran into the Matango.”

>”Yeah?”

<“Your body was overheating and you became feverish.”

>”Yeah, I guess I did.”

<“That was your magical potential awakening inside you. Since then you have been absorbing mana from many sources.”

<“Through touch, through spores, through words, even through my being in your mind right now.”

>”So I’ve had magic all along?”

<“Don’t you remember that decanter you summoned water with?”

>”Yeah.”

<“You said it should only work once a day, but you managed to channel the mana you absorbed back into it and use it again.”

>”That’s… crazy!”

>”So I could become a real wizard?”

>Gaz nods.

>”I don’t suppose you could teach me?”

>She smiles, her yellow eyes glowing once again.

<“Mmm, a nutty flavor.”

>”Stop tasting my thoughts.”

<“No.”

<“That’s my price for teaching you.”

<“The most delicious thoughts are those of a busy mind, a learning mind.”

<“There’s no way I’m going to miss out on yours.”

<“Not when they are so sweet and succulent.”

<“It’s enough to drive a girl like me wild!”

>”Alright, alright, enough of your flavor fetish! I want to start learning!”

>Gaz gives a pleasurable hum before nodding.

>If her eyes weren’t glowing I’d have no idea that she was collecting her payment already.

<“Very well, let’s begin.”

More later

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e9d181 No.390282

let's see

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e9d181 No.390284

Dice rollRolled 2, 1, 6 = 9 (3d7)

Keep on Rollin…

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e9d181 No.390285

Dice rollRolled 4, 3, 5 = 12 (3d7)

….Guess I'm gonna be stuck with a bunch of horny-proto mermaids

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fa39ab No.392774

Dice rollRolled 1, 7, 2 = 10 (3d7)

Bless me RNG Gods…

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fa39ab No.392775

Great. Stuck on a rape island in the future. MG Horizon Zero Dawn here I come

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4673e2 No.392780

Dice rollRolled 2, 2, 1 = 5 (3d7)

Rolling, kinda hoping for frozen wasteland

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4673e2 No.392781

Dice rollRolled 7, 3, 7 = 17 (3d7)

>>392780

>underwater cave

>ancient era

>lonely girls

Well at least there's a modicum of civilization. Assuming that the cave network leads to the greater sea, I'll probably try to establish some good relations with the sea mgs, maybe become a mushroom harvester or something as a profession, as I can go where a mermaid can't. also hopefully I can locate a sea bishop waifu

OP seems to have implied some spooky shit in the deeper cave, which I assume means eldritch shit. I'll probably keep my distance then, as I'd really prefer to not get mindflayed or driven insane by a shoggoth. Once I have a proper wife, then I think I will feel relatively safe to contact whatever horrors are down there. Then again, I did get the lonely crystal, so they might not be averse to sharing. Still, an alliance might prove useful, and their eldritch knowledge could be pretty good to advance our tech.

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6f8269 No.392811

Dice rollRolled 7, 1, 4 = 12 (3d7)

Rollan.

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6f8269 No.392812

Dice rollRolled 4, 3, 6 = 13 (3d7)

>>392811

Dinosaur mountain villages soon, neato.

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4673e2 No.392827

Dice rollRolled 7, 2, 3 = 12 (3d7)

Rollan for muh buddy

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4673e2 No.392829

Dice rollRolled 1, 6, 7 = 14 (3d7)

>>392827

also rollan for other buddy

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c6bf9a No.392834

Dice rollRolled 2, 3, 6 = 11 (3d7)

Alright

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578b92 No.397130

Let's see…

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578b92 No.397131

>>397130

Can't fucking remember how to sage and roll at the same time. Let's see if this works.

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578b92 No.397132

>>397131

Come on.

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578b92 No.397133

File: 9237205dfa1be88⋯.png (37.17 KB,1127x685,1127:685,apu.png)

>>397132

What has my life come to where I can't even remember the most basic things.

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578b92 No.397134

>>397133

Please. I don't want to embarrass myself anymore.

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578b92 No.397135

File: 574e89ba4448e9a⋯.jpg (301.56 KB,980x772,245:193,nobody loves you meme.jpg)

>>397134

I don't care what I get. I just want to stop failing.

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578b92 No.397138

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578b92 No.397139

>>397138

I cannot remember for the life of me. If I don't get it now, I'm just going to stop trying.

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9e668f No.397140

>>397139

Go back to cuckchannel already.

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110dbe No.397141

Dice rollRolled 7, 1, 1 = 9 (3d7)

Rerolling to rub salt in >>397139 's wounds

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110dbe No.397142

>>397141

>Prehistoric mountains full of lonely girls

Neat. No harems though, that would be immoral.

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daec17 No.397144

>>397142

And just leave all those girls feeling lonely?

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