/monster/ - The Last Bastion of Romance

Rolled 6, 2, 1 = 9 (3d7)

Rolling.

Rolled 6, 6, 3 = 15 (3d7)

Here we go

Rolled 3, 6, 4 = 13 (3d7)

>>376773

>>376775

The entire point of the thread is that you roll your own adventure and write up your own short description of what you do/how fucked you feel, I don't think you need to sage for this compared to proper CYOAs.

rollan in my own thread

Rolled 3, 2, 7 = 12 (3d7)

Rollan

>>376776

>smart zombie industrial city

Fun stuff, I need to try and find and possibly steal some food in between the work hours of the hordes of zombies going to their night jobs, lest they use their numbers and improved intellect to use box me in or ambush me between the streets and alleys. Or worse one of them gets a gun and shoots me in the leg as I get gang-raped in the streets by cute undead.

>>376776

Then I'd say I'm rightfully fucked. I'm not built for the cold, even with the heat flowers, and I'm terrible with directions. Especially with an alternating crystal.

>>376779

It's the current year anon, if you're desperate there's probably roads you can follow where you can hitchhike in some girl's car and hopefully not get raped as payment.

Rolled 3, 6, 7 = 16 (3d7)

Roland Emmerich

>>376781

>Modern day super-magical spooky girls

I can live with this

>>376782

Good luck with the inordinate number of wights and hyper-liches.

>>376786

I'm gonna assume you've been reading up for your adventure

>>376787

How can one go to adventure if one dies of thirst in the wilderness after three days?

By the way, how ancient are we talking about? Mesopotamic or Roman equivalent?

>>376789

Roman.

>>376790

Well, monsters do not hunt you down, Civilization is on its highest zenith before the modern ages, I guess I´ll be a Wildman trader or trapper in the forest.

Rolled 5, 2, 6 = 13 (3d7)

>>376771

Rollan'

Rolled 4, 4, 5 = 13 (3d7)

Let's get rollin

Rolled 4, 6, 2 = 12 (3d7)

>>376771

Rollin'

Rolled 6, 5, 3 = 14 (3d7)

>>376771

Rolling

Rolled 6, 2, 6 = 14 (3d7)

rollin

Rolled 5, 7, 7 = 19 (3d7)

Rollin', let's see if I can get a comfy combo

Rolled 5, 2, 7 = 14 (3d7)

Objective: seduce the biggest baddest girl around. Let's see what I'm up against.

Let's see what I got, I might write something.

Let's see if I can roll…

Seventh times the charm?

dice 3d7

Let's see if I can roll…

Who said I wanted my virginity?

Rolling.

Rolling

Why aren't the dice working? I put

dice 3d7

In the email field?

>>376837

I dunno dude, I just went to the options bar of the reply. The dice is there.

Rolled 4, 7, 3 = 14 (3d7)

Thank you every f@#$ing Google search yeilded "type it in the e-mail field"

Now who said I wanted my virginity?

>>376842

go away newnigger.

Rolled 1 (1d7)

>>376842

I stand in the middle of a barren desert white crystals surrounding me. My plan to bring Monster Girls into reality in tatters.

I find a dune buggy in pieces, and a skeleton, apparently, there dominant species here have tails, and ears on top of their heads, the remains of the woman (judging by the bodice) has an engraved plate, must be her name, shame I can't read the writing system. I take the plate a gun that looks like a pistol with a… suggestive muzzle brake, picked a direction and started walking.

Hopefully I reach civilization before it's too late.

Rolled 6, 2, 2 = 10 (3d7)

>>376772

Orright let's do this

Rolled 5, 1, 3 = 9 (3d7)

>>376841

>spoonfeeding

Rollan

>>376874

Shack up with Churio's distant relatives and you'll be safe

>>376875

Well, since I knew I wasn't going to last long, I figured that I could get a T-Rex gf while she was lonely or passive-aggressive.

Rolled 3, 3, 3 = 9 (3d7)

here goes nothing

Rolled 1, 6, 7 = 14 (3d7)

Let see where this goes

Rolled 6, 1, 6 = 13 (3d7)

rolling

>>376912

So I get to live in frozen tundra with my only hope of survival is to live amongst the monster girl equivalent of Inuits who probably speak a different language then me and are very lonely. what can go wrong?

>>376907

F

Rolled 6, 4, 1 = 11 (3d7)

What could go wrong?

Rolled 6, 2, 1 = 9 (3d7)

rolling

>>376951

>lemons

fug

Rolled 1, 6, 3 = 10 (3d7)

Hellwan get!

Rolled 7 (1d7)

>>376970

>Jungle Island, Modern Day, White

>White: rolling for next color.

https://pastebin.com/HQdsAYPP

>>376987

Death mountain's pretty dangerous.

>>376989

>dwarves

>literally bearded shortstack women

Looks like I'll have to venture into the deepest part of the caverns and try to run into a dragon waifu or some undead horror waifu that won't try to kill me outright and isn't too rotten.

Alternatively, I could try for a harpy outside. With the Turquoise gem, my hips and weiner are going to be devastated no matter which path I choose. Anything is better than bushy dwarf pussy though.

>>376992

You're going into the book of grudges for sure

>>376981

Part 2

https://pastebin.com/NYAWQPsL

listen, i know you guys are not supposed to spoonfeed newfags, but i truly do not understand how to fucking roll, and i'm too much of a brainlet to figure it out

>>377005 see >>376841

>>377010

>island with extremely harsh conditions and harder-to-beat mamonos to boot

>probably the only tech around yet is some amazonian chicks with spears and rudementary fishnets

>i have no survival skills

>i'm probably gonna die if i don't offer myself up to one of the tribes

well shit.

>>377011

and why the fuck did i have to be one of the few anons to land in a goddamn tropical climate, i'm a nordic, i'm built for the snow, theres no fucking way i'd last 30 minutes outside of the shade without a heat stroke.

WHY IN THE NAME OF AMMIT DID EVERYONE ELSE GET A WINTER PARADISE EXCEPT FOR ME

Rolled 3, 2, 5 = 10 (3d7)

Here I gooooo.

>>377013

Why did it have to be the undead. Damnit.

Rolled 4, 5, 5 = 14 (3d7)

Sure, i'll roll.

Rolled 4, 6, 3 = 13 (3d7)

>>377016

>Desert

>Industrial Revolution

>Tough Girls

Feels consistent enough. I guess I just wait for a sandworm or airship to pick me up.

Rolled 5, 4, 7 = 16 (3d7)

>>377012

adventure here I come!

>>377030

>temperate forest in time-period when magic is in bloom

>golden crystal

boy you get to be a wizard, that's no fair.

Rolled 7, 2, 6 = 15 (3d7)

>>377031

Well he did ask for an adventure.

Rolled 6, 2, 4 = 12 (3d7)

>>377038

I fell asleep after posting, nigger.

The combination would make for a comfy mountain man story but I'm not a writefag. Would probably end up being a turnip farmer among other things.

>>377041

Didn't want to roll again but I'll accept it.

Fire magic would have to be a mainstay for me to learn before I freeze. The purple gem and time period would ensure that I would be more likely to run into some snowniggers, and associated mamono, maybe settle down with a yeti while avoiding lemon ice.

Rolled 1, 3, 1 = 5 (3d7)

Let's see what I get…

>>377048

Jungle Island, medieval (does it even matter in prehistoric time?), blue.

>Be teleported to jungle island, and run into group of amazons

>They take me away

>Thankfully seeing as they are desperate for my affection, they are willing to listen to my ideas, even if they don't take them seriously at first

>Eventually manage to teach them how to farm

>After that they become more willing to listen to me

>Gradually bring their tech level up, teaching them about bricks, writing, and simple machines

>Working on instilling the scientific method for future generations

>The knowledge of metalworking helps in conquering other tribes

>With this, we are taking steps towards creating a kingdom

>I become the chieftain's most revered and respected witch doctor

>Every night, she always asks for my wisdom

>I whisper in her ear the words that never fails to drive her wild

>Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang Walla walla, bang bang

Rolled 1, 5, 7 = 13 (3d7)

Can't win if you don't play.

Rolled 5, 7, 1 = 13 (3d7)

troll toll

>>377031

To be honest all I want is to be ruler of a kingdom with a bunch of kikimora and shoggoth servants.

>>376842

>>376850

Mad maxiene,

Find a girl with a done Challenger looking thing and a double barrel shotgun within a month. Then accept her love

Rolled 3, 3, 2 = 8 (3d7)

Rolling for more fun

>>377070

>Midevel times

Better try to get shacked up if I want to survive.

>Red crystal

That will make things easy for me

>Undead

I hate dead waifus

I'd rather marry a devil bug, slag an ALP than an undead waifu.

Rolled 5, 1, 5 = 11 (3d7)

>>376771

Rolling.

>>377072

congrats your now dinosaur bait

Rolled 3, 4, 3 = 10 (3d7)

Rollin' Rollin' Rollin' on the river

Rolled 3, 1, 6 = 10 (3d7)

>>377076

Great. Undead waifus. Waifus that change every month. At least there's modern booze.

>>377077

I forgot to turn the dice off

This is much better at least they ate sweet and I have the internet.

Rolled 3, 7, 4 = 14 (3d7)

hopefully there gentle

Rolled 3, 7, 4 = 14 (3d7)

Let's roll

>>377102

>I am in the undead realm

>In the future

>The internet is still not here yet

>Never liked the undead, much less want to sleep with them

>Ehh the vampires don't look too bad

>I hope warewolves exist here

Rolled 2, 1, 7 = 10 (3d7)

No undead, no undead, no undead.

>>377105

Yes! What's kracken cave-girl?

Rolled 2, 6, 5 = 13 (3d7)

You can stop rolling any time, b3a47e.

Rolled 1, 3, 6 = 10 (3d7)

Rolling

Rolled 1, 2, 2 = 5 (3d7)

Rolling

>>377110

I got rape island

Rolled 3, 7, 1 = 11 (3d7)

I like rolling.

I hope I don't get undead waifus

>>377127

At least they are sweet and have internet.

Rolled 21 + 3 (1d21)

Lets check it out

>>377152

But OP, wouldn't that encourage spamming since we have a 4:1 Post/ID ratio, not counting (1)-n-duns?

Rolled 7, 4, 2 = 13 (3d7)

>>377152

Rerolling for you to get you the trips

Rolled 7, 4, 1 = 12 (3d7)

.

>>377155

Lol

>>377153

A fifth of our posts are from one 12 year old tard. The others are me making the occasional comment (11) and other posters making additional comments and the occasional reroll for about 2-1. But I get what you mean. I meant for a new ID to come through and roll it.

>>377157

I was trying to help the guy

Rolled 6, 7, 4 = 17 (3d7)

>>377152

Already rolled once, but i'll try for trips.

You going to do lists for each time and place?

>>377159

Nah just like 3-5 short profiles and maybe even a 100% OC Lilim who can’t be stolen

Rolled 5, 1, 1 = 7 (3d7)

Rolling

>>377178

I'm a retard so i'm probably gonna die from eating something poisonous unless some nice girl takes me in.

Also dinosaur girls sending me love cave paintings because they are lonely?

>>377151

???

>>377179

>dinosaur girls sending love cave paintings

makes sense to me. how else they gonna spill their prehistoric spaghetti?

Rolled 1, 3, 6 = 10 (3d7)

here we go

Rolled 2, 6, 5 = 13 (3d7)

>>376771

Let's do this.

Rolled 7, 5, 4 = 16 (3d7)

>>377214

>Underwater Cave

>Modern Day

>Turquoise Crystal

So I'm still in my home town, but about a mile underground and surrounded by horny mamono strong enough to make the femdomfags scream out "I tokd you so, MAMONO STRONK!". Eh, could be worse.

dice+3d7

Rolled 3, 3, 7 = 13 (3d7)

Rolling

Rolled 3, 4, 2 = 9 (3d7)

Rolling

>>377334

>I try to dodge the zombies and woghts

>I finally find a vampire

>I willingly submit to the Rape

>YesyesYES.jpg

>Next day

>The sun is shining on her

>She sparkles.

>NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Rolled 3, 6, 2 = 11 (3d7)

rolling

Rolled 5, 2, 4 = 11 (3d7)

Alright, real curious as to what I get out of this.

>>377749

All I got is rape

>>377756

Just saying got almost some trips then tried to get trips all rape

Rolled 6, 4, 3 = 13 (3d7)

Here goes

>>377749

Going to add a bit more since this felt a bit light to read.

>Most likely, eventually, my presence and constant delinquency will attract the attention of more serious contenders in the forest

>Elven lawkeepers looking for a kangaroo court and case, wolf girls and other such girls looking for a suitably able mate, apex girls on the food chain looking to demonstrate their dominance on the upstart, and fae creatures looking to restore the natural balance of things

>All will come, but none must succeed.

>With any luck, maybe the lawkeepers will drop some goodies from a scuffle with the other forest folk, armor, weapons, anything but the BFS Big Fucking Stick and half-assed bark armor that's been used.

>With any luck, considering these girls are smart, the elves'll work with the apex or fae, a truce against a common hobo.

>Taking shelter in the dark forest and needing to outsmart the competition will be a first point, the former making the latter easier.

>Now I'm back to nothing, but hopefully with new knowledge and implements at my disposal.

>Seeing how there's bound to be some fuck huge spider girl in this part, there's bound to be some sort of elf cult or something worshipping it, I mean come on, it's a dark forest there's bound to be dark elves.

>Only problem, if those elves are anything like their lighter cousins, then working with them is out of the question.

>Their spider god, however…

>Hopefully it's actually just a fuck huge spider girl. Hopefully.

>At that point, it becomes the task of finding out where she/it is hiding

>If it's a she, then comes the part of seducing/subduing the girl

>Because if you're an almighty spider 'god' and someone who's been evading elves, the apex, and fae all this time suddenly comes onto you, what better way to legitimize your rule than to "raise" your champion to your level? Besides that, is telling him to fuck off really the best option?

>Of course if that still happens, the old cave man way of finding a mate with a stick (Oh, BFS, what sweet reunion!) can still come into play.

>If it's an it, then Plan B, I need to find the closest, OTHER spider girl that HAS to be living in the dark place like this and run the seduction/subduing to make her my partner in an upcoming bug smashing endeavor…and future goddess

>What kind of smart girl could turn down a plan that would make her and her partner gods to some crazy spider cult?

>A big plan certainly, one prone to failure but what is survival as either pass or fail anyways?

>Following the plan naturally requires figuring out whatever sacrifice ritual occurs to what, where she(it) comes from to get her(its) digs and then finding out where she(it) fucks off to.

>Lo and behold, it turns out it really was just a fuck huge spider girl.

>Tracking is easy enough, making sure the elves don't spot me, not so much.

>But in a forest of darkness, that kind of precludes itself.

>Evidently amongst the best of the best of the girls in this place, she was the biggest. It kinda precludes things from fucking with you in the first place.

>And yet, there I was, stepping up towards her webbed lair in the heart of a massive, hollow tree with a stolen torch in hand.

>I think she was as surprised that I was stepping up to her as I was.

>I explain, in very nice words, "Undoubtedly you've heard of me, the Hobo of the Woad. I come to join you in your 'Godly' splendor. As a partner."

>She scoffs, "You're either very brave or very foolish to step towards me expecting me to accept you as my equal. Don't you think that what you have to gain is a bit high of an expectation?"

>"Can't you think with what you have to lose by allowing a challenger to deface you, a god, in front of their worshipers?"

>She pondered my threat for a moment, before replying "Were you anything else, I'd rather impale you than give you consideration, but you know as well as I do that 'Gods'…do not bleed, and I'd very much prefer to not demonstrate my mortality in front of my peons. " She leans forward, finally leveling herself to be eye level with me, "Just how exactly do you propose joining me in 'godhood,' Hobo of the Woad?"

>"An outsider from beyond time and space, naturally gravitating towards She who provides sanctum to the lost and both finding the warmth of love in their bosoms fits, don't you think?"

>It did, if you catch my sickness.

>So now I've a home…and an army of religious zealots.

>I think it's high time I go beyond surviving and thriving.

>Now It's time to dominate.

>All will fall. All will submit.

>Lo and tremble before He who steps from beyond the crystalline void, wielding the almighty BFS.

Rolled 3, 5, 3 = 11 (3d7)

Rolling for now, I’ll come up with a story after thanksgiving.

Rolled 2, 6, 5 = 13 (3d7)

>>377869

Undead realm, industrial era, and a white crystal. I think I can work with that. Hope you guys like dhampirs.

Rolled 2, 2, 1 = 5 (3d7)

Rolling. Here's hoping I get something good!

Rolled 7, 6, 7 = 20 (3d7)

>>376841

rolling

>2 off by ones

Fuck it, if someone else at least gets dubs I’ll write up a couple of crystalline monsters.

Rolled 7, 5, 3 = 15 (3d7)

Pray to god I get roll

>>378068

Fuck me I sounded retarded, I am very pleased with this!

Rolled 5, 2, 3 = 10 (3d7)

rolling

Rolled 5, 6, 6 = 17 (3d7)

>>376772

> basically a sci-fi wet-dream. Just be wary, onee-san is watching.

So what happens if you offend the government?

>>378075

You get stolen away by government agents and are sold off to politicians who are loyal followers of the "Ara Ara" party. Either that, or the Sabbath revolutionaries will try to capture you in the hopes that you'll aid them in bringing down the current regime, or at least make the country more democratic in the hopes that the LLP, or the "Loli Love Party" might actually gain some sway in politics and hopefully break up the AA's man monopoly.

>>378082

>impling the “sabbath revolutionaries” isn’t just a honeypot “run” by a six year old satyr pretending to be a baphomet.

Rolled 5, 4, 6 = 15 (3d7)

Rollan

Rolled 7, 1, 7 = 15 (3d7)

>>378199

>Do my best to quietly follow the not-dwarves without catching their attention.

>They’re using the glowshrooms to find their way around this network of caverns.

>How big is this place?

>More importantly which way is out?

>I’ll worry about that later, the not-dwarves stopped in front of a ‘doorway’ with a curtain and two guards wielding makeshift spears.

>They grunt and growl that odd language at one another before the two part the curtains for them.

>Sounds strangely cute.

>Wish I could understand what they were saying…

>Whatever, can’t stay here.

>There’s another path lit by glowshrooms.

>No guards that I can see and it looks like it's dark enough for me to sneak over.

>Slip my way into whatever you call a cave hallway.

>A tunnel?

>A canal?

>Ant nest?

>Shit, I hope there aren’t any giant ants in here.

>I’d get mobbed in seconds.

>I read that they kill you then rape you.

>Or maybe just rape you.

>I don’t really remember what they do, but I know that rape is involved.

>The Other Side is like that.

>Cave tunnel shit leads me to another cavern.

>This one is lit by yet more mushrooms.

>Cave dips further downward, which is great because it’s bound to get even colder.

>I wonder if any of the mushrooms are edible.

>They’d probably make my shit glow…

>Radical Radioactive Refuse.

>I could sell it that to those shit kids back home and laugh when they get a whiff of my nuclear fallout.

>Laugh at my own stupid joke while I try to find my way down without falling.

>Still humid as fuck in here.

>Like seriously, I’m sweating and all I’m doing is sneaking around.

>Wait, it’s humid.

>Like warm humid.

>It’s getting warmer.

>Is it because of all the mushrooms?

>Seriously, where the hell am I?

>I hear a that grunting again.

>Looks like some of those jawas followed me.

>They’re yelling something at me.

>And now they’re throwing nets at me.

>Down the rabbit hole I go.

>I rush down the slope as the not-dwarves yell louder and louder until I disappear into an overgrowth of mushrooms.

>This place is pretty nasty with all the warm moisture.

>I think I even see some steam coming out of holes in the floor.

>There’s strange sounds coming from below, too.

>Like I took a wrong turn and now I’m at some kind of elven brothel run by one of those nurarihyon bitches.

>You know, the ones who smoke cigarettes like they smoke cocks.

>And they smoke cockk like cigars.

>Anyway those sounds are disturbing yet oddly erotic.

>I should probably steer clear of that.

>If there’s one thing I remember from my master’s lessons (and Avery Knowles’ book) it’s the monsters lurking in places like this.

>Monsters that will rape you from all sides.

>Or was it eat you?

>No️, no, I’m sure it was rape.

>Everything with monsters is rape.

>Even the ‘eating’ part.

>Slimes and slugs and all sorts of icky sticky things live in dark dank holes like this.

>Things like this tentacle.

>Oh.

>Oh shit.

>A girl with many tentacle… appendages has appears.

>She’s slowly wrapping my arm up with them.

>Cute as she may appear I reflexively found myself throwing an uppercut with my free hand.

>Knocked her the fuck out.

>Sorry, little rape flower, I will remain unviolated.

>Not sure what to do with her now… I can’t just leave her lying unconscious in this cave all alone.

>I do what any self respecting man would do.

>I stuff her into my bag of holding.

>I got food in there she’ll be okay.

>I just hope she doesn’t rub her juices all over my clothes and undergarments.

>Defeated my first monster!

>Onward!

More soon.

Rolled 4, 5, 4 = 13 (3d7)

alright. time to test my creativity and speed. getting something written down with expediency is not my forte

Rolled 7, 2, 4 = 13 (3d7)

>>378201

Dry desert

Industrial revolution

Smarter girls with plans get away with handing out [MEATY WHACKS]

>be me

>be inna desert

>be surrounded by 200 IQ BIG BRAN rape machines

>must protect wizardhood apprenticeship

>can’t hide anywhere because it’s a fucking desert

>at least have infinite pocket sand stock at my feet

>pocket sand is black as fuck because of all the factories shitting out smoke into the air but its free so whatever

>this is a good thing because I go through a pocket a day

>I will always respect your wishes and consent m’lord

>pocket sand

>Ara ara~

>pocket sand

>AYO WYTE BOI HOW ABOUT BIXING MY NOOD WIT ALL DOSE CUMMIES Y’ALL HAS

>pocket

>fucking

>sand

>there is one worse than all the rest

>this goddamn satyros

>always annoying with how cheerful she is

>offers free bottles of her filthy sin juice she concocts

>hell no who knows what kind of shit she’s slipped in it

>might even come from her tits of all places who fucking knows with these sex addled fiends

>you will not unbalance my humours you degenerate ungulate

>hatch plan to leave this desolate wasteland behind me

>and that fucking goat

>some snobbish noble wants to establish a trade route

>also gets to decide who is forced to man the outpost

>getting shot by bandits would be better than living here

>offer to go because nobody else wants to

>useless ponce agrees to spend less time talking to commoners

>tells me we leave at dusk

>by the great wizard’s beard I’m safe

>pack shit

>need room in pockets so ditch sand

>noble isn’t going to pick monsters because they’re lazy loafing layabouts

>arrive at train station

>can’t see anyone because air is black as a hellhound’s crotch

>board train and get to seat

>”Hello anon, nice to see you here too! Would you like a drink”

>fuckfuckfuckwhydidhepickthefuckingbaneofmyexistancetocomealongfuck

>I don’t need her company

>with that sweet look of hers

>and her impossibly good skin why is it so radiant when everyone else looks like they roll in the sand everyday

>and that scandalous outfit

>why is she wearing just a shirt that’s done up on just the bottom I can see those malicious mammaries of hers

>so can everyone else learn to button your shirt you savage

>and wear a dress

>nobody wants to see your mesmerizing hips sashaying back and forth

>or your plump thighs

>the train service doesn’t want everything covered in that exquisite looking fur that acts an excuse for you to parade around without clothing

>wear a dress you painted maypole

>as long as you stay away from my manhood we’re fine

>I’m a wizard apprentice. Penetration is to be forsaken!

>she smiles at me even after I tell her I don’t want any of her grape themed arsenic

>peddle that shit to the hollering hellhounds on the street corner

>train finally leaves

>after dodging my stalker’s conversation with that silky voice of hers I can finally nap

>at least I could until she gets everyone to toast to the trip

>that fiend

>everybody drinks to the toast

>except me

>make up excuse about my humours being off balance

>satyros starts looking like she’s going to cry

>everyone glaring at me

>noble gets in a huff

>tells me to drink or else he kicks me off the train

>peasants lost in no man’s land become slaves

>drink the harlot’s hootch

Rolled 1, 7, 5 = 13 (3d7)

>this is pretty good

>not that I’m going to tell that virginity thief

>everyone tells me not to drink it so fast

>look on stalker’s face is so bright it could attract moth girls

>whatever

>everybody around me is talking

>normally don’t want to talk to anybody because they’re just cogs in the steamroller

>(((chosen monsters))) greatest allies

>but they seem ok all of a sudden

>something in that drink makes them tolerable

>keep drinking the not so fire fire water

>even that blasted satyros isn’t so bad now

>we talked about who knows what

>I don’t remember the words tho

>oh shit everything spins

>steam engine has just burned all the fuel

>pass out

>wake up some time later

>in private cabin

>feels awfully warm

>feels like something is pinning me down

>[squelching noises]

>open eyes and see that fucking goat

>seeing the goat fucking is more accurate

>CONDUCTOR WE HAVE A PROBLEM

>try to scream for help

>satyros uses some monster voodoo to clamp around my cock so I moan like a slut instead

>every time I try to REEEEE she bears down

>hopes of wizardhood dashed on a train in the middle of nowhere

Rolled 3, 4, 5 = 12 (3d7)

Here's hoping I don't get undead waifus

>>378236

Congrats, undead waifus in the renaissance and with extreme conditions. Hope you have fun at the masquerade balls and plays you'll surely be invited to.

>>378230

no, I was just a tard for not unchecking the sagebox. think it was because I just left this tab open.

>>378200

>So that tentacle girl was super easy to beat.

>I suspect her and others like her can’t be the reason those grunting cave dwarves didn’t follow me in.

>Shit there are a lot of mushrooms around here.

>I’m now wearing my shirt unbuttoned because it’s like an oven in here.

>Seriously, how does that make any fucking sense?

>Probably some kinda magic.

>Magic is bullshit.

>The cave lead to a fork in the road.

>Left or right…

>Left has a bunch of mushrooms and shit.

>Right side has much less, is a bit darker and the walls are dripping a bit of water.

>Oh and there’s been more and more of those horrible noises from before.

>You know, the sex noises I was talking about.

>And some kind of squeaking sounds are coming from the left.

>Well… I can’t really see a whole lot of anything down the right path, not to mention the sex noises seem a whole lot louder that way.

>So… left it is.

>Head down left path.

>Mushrooms are everywhere.

>Floor, walls, ceiling.

>On stalagmites and stalactites.

>In holes and on bumps and some even growing off one another.

>It’s also getting hotter because of them.

>It’s like a furnace.

>Well, not that hot but fuck if I’m not sweating.

>I’m also getting the urge to just take off my damn clothes.

>Wonder if that’s related.

>With how hot it’s getting that doesn’t actually sound like a bad idea.

>I strip my shirt and pants off and open my bag of holding.

>A certain tentacle girl tries to come out instead but I just whip her with my pants a few times.

>Stuff my clothing in after shoving her back down.

>She goes back in, happily snatching up my garments to shove into her face and huff.

>Close the bag before she can gush out all over me.

>Freaky little pervert.

>Not at all disciplined like me, nearly naked apprentice to genius owl mage Flavia Barnys.

>Lost in a cave stripped down to my undergarments probably surrounded by all manner of monster rapists in a foreign land with one of my master’s time crystals.

>Shit I hope that thing isn’t important.

>Because I just stuffed a tentacle girl in the bag with it.

>Oh well.

>I find myself coming to yet another large cavern.

>I hear tons of squeaking and moaning this time around.

>Not a great combination.

>Like a bunch of creeps fucking their blow up dolls together in one big disgusting orgy.

>I now feel disgusted at this humidity.

>Stealth around the opening to a small, rocky overlook into some kind of mushroom crevasse.

>down below I see many large mushrooms.

>There’s a lot of movement coming from down there.

>Well… I definitely recognize this shit.

>No way I’d forget it.

>Many have warned about such unspeakable evils.

>Never thought I’d see one up close.

>A fucking Matango pit.

>>378332

>Kinda steep, might be climbable… but fuck that.

>I mean fuck fucking that.

>Damn Matango.

>Glowing Matango at that.

>Looks like there are a few poor souls down below that have the unfortunate displeasure of knowing them intimately.

>Poor bastards are too far gone to save.

>Anything they had has been completely covered with mushroom spawn.

>Well… now what?

>There’s another way out across the pit or I could just head back and take my chances with route B.

>Well, I’m no mycologist and don’t plan on being one so I think I’m just gonna turn the fuck around.

>Shit there’s actually more behind me.

>Shit, I fucking slipped!

>Shit, shit, shit, shit!

>Fall into pit.

>Game over, man!

>They’re closing in on me from either side like zombies.

>I guess this is it…

>I’m going to die to the sound of squeaking mushroom rape monsters.

>Wait, is that barking?

>I look back and find that several people are charging down through the other end of the tunnel waving a long stick with a torch tied to it.

>Not one of those mushroom ones, a real flaming torch!

>The Matango don’t respond well to it.

>They split away from each other to get away from the fire.

>The new people stop in front of me, shoving the torch behind me to keep the mushroom bitches away.

>Hear them start barking something at me in their language.

>I don’t really get it but I think they want me to grab hold of the long torch.

>I take hold and they immediately start pulling me out of the pit and out towards the other side.

>Well these ones are different from the others.

>At least they’re not throwing shit at me.

>Get out of Matango pit and to a safer, cooler part of the cave.

>Phew, I can breathe now.

>”Th-thanks… for saving me.”

>My three saviors are shorter than me much like the other not-dwarves.

>One big difference though is their choice of clothing.

>They’re dressed heavily in all kinds of face wraps and fur coats.

>Some of them have tails, which is… odd.

>One of them pulls off their face wrap and smiles at me, showing off her fangs.

>Cute almond eyes, button nose, face a bit round.

>I know talking to them is probably useless but I can at least TRY to sound grateful-

<“You are welcome, human.”

>Huh.

>Well I’ll be damned.

>They can speak my language.

<“You are lucky we heard you shout. Most who fall into the pit… well, you saw them, didn’t you?”

>”I did… friends of yours?”

<She nods.

<“Some humans who were not so lucky. We could not get to them in time.”

>”I’m sorry.”

>She shakes her head and smiles.

<“There is nothing to be sorry about. You escaped and that is good. Though I would appreciate if you could now cover yourself.”

>She nodded her head down at… my other head.

>My trouser snake seemed to be standing at attention.

>”Oh, oh shit, I’m sorry!”

<“Sorry for what, human? Just the effects of Matango spore.”

<“Not sure why you stripped down to your… private cloth, though.”

>”Look, that place was like a damn furnace! You didn’t feel any of that?”

>The three looked at one another and shook their heads.

<“Heat? New effect of the Matango spore?”

<“Not sure… never heard of this. It is more likely the spores put him into a primal state for mating.”

<“Is that it? Were you expecting something back there, human?”

>”Look, this is a genuine fear boner. I was almost made to creme a la mushrooms!”

<“Nevermind that. We will take you to our village where it is safe.”

>”Yeah, that sounds great… but uh, who are you people?”

>I ask, raising my hands.

>My son pokes his head up like he was expecting an answer, too.

>The two giggle while the cute one - the leader I think - approaches me and gives my manhood a playful tap on the head.

>She then opens up her large fur coat and takes it off, revealing a pretty sweet figure.

>Fit for survival, smallish breasts but a nice round ass.

>She’s also got a tail.

>Think I can even see some ears poking out of her headwrap.

>Whatever, it’s cute.

>Otherwise lean and muscular, a runner build.

>Nice.

>>378334

<“I am Bea and these are my friends, Pesh and Ruka.”

>She points at the two, Pesh being the tallest of the three while Ruka was the shortest and plumpest.

>”And you guys are…?”

<“We are Kobold.” Answered Pesh.

>Kobold? Like the dog girls? What the hell are a bunch of doggos doing in a fucking cave?

>Well… I think I remember my master saying they were originally wild monsters.

>Said they lived in all kinds of places including caves like this… before essentially being domesticated.

>Which was both Master’s and Avery Knowles’ fancy way of saying fucked into submission.

>Now that I look at them they do look a little more on the wild side.

>Like the difference between a wolf and a dog - although their sizes may be pretty much the same in this case.

>Must be thanks to their breeding…

>Thanks to all that Matango shit I undoubtedly inhaled, Beas tight bod and my raging boner I can’t stop thinking about doing that right now.

>Put on fur coat to hide my shame and simultaneously enable my boner.

>”You said village. There are more of you?”

>Bea nodded, beckoning me to follow her.

>The three kobold kept the torches close by as they lead the way.

>The Kobold village is relatively nice.

>Compared to being trapped in a Matango pit until the heat death of the universe it’s the ritz.

>They’ve carved out several places from the cave rock as a kind of home for themselves.

>Fur has been used for a lot of their belongings, like their bedding and chairs.

>You might call it fur-niture.

>I smile at myself dumbly as I continue learning about these Kobold.

>There’s enough of them to sustain themselves reliably on their little eco system.

>Fishing in an underground lake in the back of their village, gathering things like cave plants and even the occasional glowshroom for medicinal purposes and the like.

>I already mentioned the fur-niture… but.

>They even have their own unique way of using their fur to sew clothing which is both incredibly innovative and incredibly fucking gross if you think about it for too long.

>I guess I can’t complain though… I mean they made me a really nice coat.

>Kinda matches Bea’s.

>It’s so fluffy and comfortable I actually fell asleep wearing it once already.

>Best sleep I’ve had in a long time.

>Decide to tell Bea about my predicament.

<“A similar thing has happened to others.”

<“There are few still exploring the caves.”

<“You came from the other side of the pit… did you see anyone,”

>”Did anyone see you?”

>”Yeah… bunch of others like you I think? They were nice. Tried to throw nets at me.”

>Bea cussed in her language.

>I think it was cussing.

>Maybe more like a dog growling.

<“They are no Kobold.”

<“They are goblins.”

<“Little troublemakers…”

<“They catch humans and make them slaves.”

<“Use them in rituals to their gods.”

<“I hear they share them amongst themselves, savages!

>Bea looks a bit flustered.

>I don’t know why but I get the urge to pat her on the head.

>Which is exactly what I do.

>Bea yips and pulls away.

<”Wha-what are you doing? Stop that, human!”

>She slapped my hand away.

>Apologize.

>She’s still flustered, but shows me to where I’ll be staying.

>It’s a permanent place for me to stay in.

>I mean, more permanent than sleeping on a rock shelf.

>It’s nice, actually.

>Small, but nice.

>Got a bed, a table and chair, all carved from rock or driftwood they claim to have found in the fishing hole.

>They’re cushioned with fur and some of the glowing mushrooms - the inedible ones.

>Bea leaves me in a hurry, her hand still rubbing the place where I pat her head.

>Well… that could have gone better.

>I place my things on the table.

>Thankfully no one went through my bag of holding and got a tentacle surprise.

>Not sure how I’m gonna deal with her… I don’t exactly have a place for her to stay.

>Maybe I should go in there and… figure this out.

>What’s the worst that could happen?

>I’d only be trapped inside a bag of holding with a tentacle girl raping me for eternity.

>Suppose the only thing I can do is just go in there and try to subdue her.

>I usually have all sorts of medicine stashed away inside but that could be dangerous…

>Maybe the Kobold have some kind of medicinal sleeping herbs that I can use on her?

>If I learned anything from my master it was mixing concoctions to help her sleep during the day.

>If I get the right stuff I could knock this tentacle out and get all my belongings out with no problems.

>I’ll knock her out and make some kinda tentacle playpen for her.

>Maybe even think of a name for her?

>That can wait tomorrow, though.

>I’m still recovering from my overexposure to Matango bullshit.

Fuck it, I’ll write a profile anyway.

>>378335

Nice, are you continuing?

I still prefer to think of kobolds as lizards rather than dogs.

Rolled 5, 7, 2 = 14 (3d7)

>>378832

I am! This is probably gonna be another long one. (If you've read Ashes, Sara or Mad Maxine you'll know what you're in for)

>Spoiler

Yeah, I understand that complete. I just went with the ones from the MGE this time around for a change of pace.

>>378335

>Next day starts off well.

>Talk to the Kobold around town and learn that yes, they do in fact have a sleeping herb of sorts.

>Not sure how strong it is…

>They promise me it’s very potent.

>I don’t want to hurt the tentacle girl, despite our initial meeting.

>Just need to put her to sleep for a bit before I make her a little playpen.

>How I’m going to do that is beyond me.

>I somehow either have to get her to consume it or…

>Maybe I can get her to breathe it in?

>I could grind it down to a fine powder and blow it in her face before shoving her back down inside the bag.

>Or better yet just coat my clothes in it and toss it in.

>She’s bound to take a big whiff of that if I know my tentacle girls.

>Bea and her two friends Pesh and Ruka come around to visit as I’m grinding away with a mortar and pestle Ruka let me borrow.

<“I did not know you were a medicine man, An-non.” Says Bea.

>I introduced myself properly to the whole village the other day, but none of the Kobold seem to be able to say my name properly.

>I don’t mind, it’s actually cute.

>”I’m not… I mean not really.”

<“No need to be so modest, An-non. You spotted those tools there and got to work on your craft.” Ruka said with a smile.

>”Well.. I know a few things but this is more like an experiment. I don’t really know anything about your local herbs.”

>It’s not really a lie.

>I’m definitely experimenting with this sleep powder I’m making here.

>Still, all I really know how to do is grind up this shit for tea and sleep medicine for Master.

>Matter of fact why does my master even keep me around if just for those things?

>Maybe teaching me is a cover for having someone do her menial tasks.

>And to give her back rubs after she flies off to the market for supplies.

>And to clean the bath.

>And to feed her pet rat, Rat.

>Creative, I know.

>Why does an Owl mage have a pet rat to begin with?

>Is it some kinda sick, twisted pleasure of hers to have a poor little rodent cooped up in a cage in sight of its natural predator?

>Poor Rat is used in her experiments constantly.

>I’m amazed he comes out unscathed.

>Whatever, least it’s not me.

<“What are you making?” Bea and Pesh ask.

>”Sleep medicine.”

<“Why do you need that? You slept like a rock last night.” Pesh points out.

>Just shake my head.

<“Leave it be. It is no business of ours.” Bea scolds her.

>Yeah, what she said.

>No one needs to know I have a pet tentacle girl in my magical bag of wonders.

>Or anything else in there for that matter.

>Even my Master doesn’t know what’s in there.

>It’d be a real problem if she did.

>Years of steal- I mean borrowing ‘materials.’

>Like this mortar and pestle, well, ‘mine’ is nicer.

>Or a couple magazines dirty or otherwise that I have carefully hidden, including one of Avery Knowles’.

>She might be a boring bookworm but I could jerk it to that glasses wearing milf any time.

>Well, supposedly she’s single but fuck it, she’s a milf to me.

>She makes me want to go spelunking.

>Try not to laugh at the irony of my own joke.

>Fail.

>The Kobold are confused and possibly a little frightened.

>”Haha… sorry, just laughing at a joke I just remembered.”

>Speaking of spelunking, I could probably explore these caves afterward.

>Might find something useful.

>Like the way out.

>Gonna need to sort out my supplies first.

>What else do I have in my bag…?

>Oh right!

>All those magical materials that I like to fool around with when I want to pretend I’m actually a wizard instead of… not a wizard.

>Wait a minute…

>That’s it!

>After I’m done setting up my sweet little tentacle girl I’m gonna gather up my materials.

>A few Thunderstones, a seemingly endless supply of Alchemist’s Fire, even a fire element gem.

>Not sure about that last one, though.

>If I remember anything about Elementals it’s that they can be awfully moody.

>Messed around with the alchemist fire plenty of times.

>Gotten good at throwing them.

>Hell, I think I could even make some if I had the right supplies.

>Might still have some of that enchanted clothing as well.

>The three Kobold have been watching me go this entire time.

>Bea has been studying my facial expressions curiously.

>Must be wondering what an idiot like me could be thinking.

>Or whether or not I’m a crazy murderer and she made a huge mistake bringing me here.

>Oh, my sleep powder is done.

>Well then.

<“Oh no…” Bea says, the three of them turning their attention outdoors.

>”What, what’s wrong?”

>When I look up the three of them are already out the door.

>Why do I hear barking?

>>378859

>Put down the mortar and pestle.

>Sleep powder will have to wait.

>Grab my handy dandy bag of holding and head out the door.

>Whole village is in an uproar, Kobold running all over the place grabbing weapons and torches.

>Bea is directing everyone.

>”What’s happening?”

>She turns to me and frowns.

<“The goblins are coming, can you fight?”

>Shit.

>I survived this long by not fighting.

>But maybe if I help these Kobold then I can get them to help me out of here.

>Still, no sense lying in this situation.

>”I’m not really one for fighting. I’ve never been good at it…”

<“We don’t know how many there are Bea! The scouts said at least twenty strong!” One of the Kobold reports.

>Bea looks to me again, her desperate expression tugging at my heart strings

>”Alright, fine, I’ll do what I can.”

>What’s the worst that could happen?

>I get stabbed in the gut and left to bleed out, a slow and painful death for countless hours lying on the cold rock of an unknown cave?

>Yeah it’s probably not gonna be any worse than that.

>Bea shoves a club into my hand and gives me a reassuring nod.

>Get taken to the front ‘gate’ of the village.

>Which is basically just a stone wall with a great round stone used to seal off the gap.

The village is in a great cavern with a tall ceiling.

>High enough that I can’t tell if it leads to the surface or not.

>Kobold have many spears and long torches.

>They’re fairly well equipped to defend themselves, but I have yet to see the goblins in full force.

>A horn is blown at the distant entrance to our cavern.

>The twenty goblins show their faces, having taken at least one Kobold hostage.

>Poor girl was stripped down to her bare skin and fluff.

>They tied her to a pole four of the goblins were carrying alongside their leader.

>All of them wore that same strange plant clothing that covered their faces.

>The goblins stopped in front of the wall about fifteen paces, keeping their prisoner in front as a meat shield.

>The tallest goblin stepped forward.

<“Give us… the human… and we shall release her!” She shouted, pointing at the prisoner.

<“There… is no need for bloodshed! We only want… the human!”

>She seemed to have trouble speaking our language, pausing to remember words.

>She spoke well enough to get the point across, though.

>Me or her.

>The Kobold all growled furiously.

<“Release her or we shall slaughter all of you!” Bea demanded.

>The goblins took a moment to look at one another as the tallest one translated.

>They all laughed.

<“If… you kill us… more will come!” The tall one shouted.

>I sighed.

>I don’t really know any of these people all that well…

>But they did save my life.

>I should repay their kindness at least, right?

>”I’ll go to them.”

>Bea turned to me, surprised.

<”What? No, An-non!” She begged.

>”I can’t let them kill one of yours over me.”

>Before they can stop me I lower myself town off the other side of the wall.

>It’s really not that tall, more of a barrier for the shorty goblins.

<“An-non, wait!” Bea cries.

>She tosses something to the ground.

>A knife? M

>I pick it up and give her one last look.

>She has tears streaming down her face.

>Shit.

>We hardly knew each other… and yet she’s acting as though she’s losing a friend.

>All of the Kobold were whining and crying as I turned and made for the goblins.

>I tried to sound brave, maybe a little cool.

>Truth be told I’m practically shitting my pants.

>The goblins are all leering at me behind their masks.

>The tallest one is especially creeping on me, rubbing her hands together like some kind of danuki.

<“Good… choice, human.”

>”Release her!”

>The goblins look at one another again as the tallest goblin translates once more.

>They all laugh again, until I pull the knife and hold it to my throat.

>”Release her or the deal is off!”

>I’m bluffing… but they don’t know that.

>The goblins are now panicking.

>They all clamoring to get the Kobold untied from the pole.

>Once she’s untied she stands up and starts swinging wildly, knocking over several goblins.

>”No! Stop!”

>I rush over to her and grab her by the shoulders, shoving her towards the Kobold village.

>She stumbles but catches herself, more confused than hurt as she turns to look at me.

>I point her back to the village before the goblins swarm me.

>The tallest puts something over my mouth.

>Shit… smells like the same sleep powder I was mixing earlier.

>Yep… it’s potent.

>The last thing I see is the Kobold reuniting with their lost one, forcibly pulling her into their village as she fights to come to my rescue.

>Why are they so desperate to have me?

Rolled 7, 5, 4 = 16 (3d7)

>>376771

rolling

>>378901

>7,5,4

Not too bad, not amazing I guess.

Pretty comfy, and with the whole Dwarf-Steampunk-Enhanced Progression I'm sure society will progress up to Modern Day faster than it took from the 1800s to now. Who knows, maybe I might be able to help with that too now that society has progressed to the point where I'm more familiar with its technology.

As for the monster side of things, what's the worst that could happen? I get conscripted into a ragtag group of militia, and the washed-up noble leader decides to fight a bunch of wyrms because we have guns and that's what humanity does?

Rolled 1, 7, 3 = 11 (3d7)

>>376771

Here goes nothing.

Rolled 5, 2, 5 = 12 (3d7)

>>378860

>I wake up in a room… a prison cell really.

>A small cave with a wooden grate over the only entrance.

>I find myself lying in some kinda bed made of driftwood and fish bones.

>Charming.

>There’s not much in here but me, myself and my bag of holding-

>Wait…

>Oh ho-ho boy!

>Those stupid goblins left me in here with this?

>They probably have no idea what it is!

>Well, between them and the tentacle I’ll take my chances-

<“Human… come.”

>The tall goblin is standing at the grate.

>I had better not let on that my bag of holding is important.

>Stand up and go to the grate.

>Tall goblin is rubbing her hands together again.

>She’s got a crazed look in her big eyes.

>Particularly creepy since that’s all I can see of her face.

>She opens the grate and pushes her way in, slamming it shut behind her.

>She grabs hold of my shirt and nuzzles up against me.

>Little twerp still only comes up to my chest.

<“Human… come!”

>Uh… I’m right here.

>Her hands are groping around me until she finds my trousers and tries to pull them down.

>Oh… she can’t mean…

<“Human… cum!”

<“Titi!”

>The tall goblin stops, coming to her senses.

>She backs away from me looking sour, like a child being chided.

>At the grate is now another goblin.

>She’s shorter than this Titi by at least a head.

>Not to mention she’s not wearing the usual goblin clothing… I can actually see her face.

>If I weren’t angry about being held captive I’d say she’s pretty cute, too, in a goblin-y kinda way.

>She says something to Titi in her language before opening up the grate.

>Titi leaves and the other goblin enters.

<“Forgive Titi… she is…”

>”A damned rapist?”

<”EAGER! She’s eager!” The goblin shouted, her pale face turning bright red.

>”Yeah, ‘eager.’ Understatement of the century.”

<“Look, I stopped her, alright? Would you like me to call her back in?”

>”That won’t be necessary.”

<“You sure? Titi has been wanting this since forever.”

>The goblin’s face is getting redder and redder as this short conversation goes.

>Time for a reversal.

>”What’s your name?”

>She seems relieved to have a change of topic.

>Poor girl.

<”I-I am Chime!”

>”I’m impressed you can speak my language so well, Chime.”

>She blushes more, hiding her face in her little clawed hands.

>Okay, she is cute.

>But I must press the attack!

>”Why are you here, Chime? You want some, too?”

<“What? No!”

>”You’ve been waiting like Titi, haven’t you?”

>She shakes her head.

<”No one is to touch you until…”

>”Until what, you guys have your little pow wow with the chief?”

<“I… we… yes.”

>Oh.

>Shit, bullseye.

>”What’s this about? You gonna serve me up to your god afterwards?”

>The goblin looks bewildered.

>”How do you know so much…?”

>Excellent… let’s try this!

>>379169

>”You foolish goblins have captured none other than the great and powerful wizard, Anon!”

>I force a laugh, trying to really sell it.

>The goblin’s eyes light up, her ears flapping with joy as she turns and rushes for the grate.

>She slams it shut and looks at me, grinning ear to ear.

<“You’re a wizard? My god, my god! This is wonderful!”

>She runs away shouting things in her language as she goes.

>I… might have just fucked up.

<I’ll say.

>Great. Now I’m hearing voices in my head.

<It’s me, idiot.

>Oh… that sounds like my Master.

<IT’S ME YOU IDIOT!

>’Ow, damn, turn the volume down on your… thoughts.’

<While I appreciate the effort of you cleaning my study, I would like to know one thing, Anon.

>’Yes, Master, oh benevolent one, love of my life?’

<Shut up and listen you magically inept malcontent.

>’Yes, Master.’

<Good. What have you done with my crystal?

>’Your… crystal?’

<Yes, my crystal. You know, big, blue, controls all things related to space and time.

>’Oh, that crystal.’

>’You know, Master, if that thing was so important I would suggest KEEPING IT IN A FUCKING VAULT!’

<What have you done?

>’Me? You bitch, you keep your study in such a fucking mess it’s a wonder it took this long for something like this to happen!’

<Why… what’s happened?

>’I don’t know! Your stupid crystal fell on my head and now I’m in some kind of cave with goblins and kobolds and who knows what else!’

>’I’ve been trapped here for at least two, maybe three days. Hard to keep track when your underground!’

>I can hear my master humming and cooing as she mulls over this new information.

<I will do my best to discover your whereabouts. Sit tight.

>’Not like I’m going anywhere. I’ve been captured by the goblins.’

<Right… and you told them you were a wizard, didn’t you?

>’Yeah… is that bad?’

<Very.

>’How bad?’

<Wizards are still virgins, right?

>’Uh…’

<And you said you’re being held by goblins?

>’Y-yeah.’

<Did you pay any attention to what I taught you of goblins?

>’Well, y’see… not realt.’

<They’re gonna break you in like a bicorn.

>’Thanks.’

<They’re gonna take turns mashing your potatoes.

>’I’m hanging up now…’

<I hope they break your balls like you broke my crystal.

>’Wait, what? I didn’t break it, I have it here in my bag of holding.’

>More humming and cooing.

>Too much humming and cooing

<I will look into this.

<In the meantime try to at least survive the first hour of goblin gangbang-

>’Okay, by-ye.’

>’Click.’

>I don’t know why the telepathy works like that.

>I sigh and flop my ass onto my ‘bed,’ overwhelmed with all this bullshit.

>The goblin Chime and a few others have come back.

>She points at me and starts telling the others something in their language.

>I think I can figure out what they’re saying considering all of them now have the same stupid grin on their similarly cute faces.

>Damn little goblin sluts.

>There are several well endowed goblins surrounding Chime.

>Hobgoblins.

>They’re all pushed aside by a very tall goblin - well, I mean she comes up to my shoulders at best.

>She’s incredibly well endowed as well.

>Wearing some kind of headdress made up of the glowshrooms and fish bones.

>Must be the chief.

>She’s looking me up and down.

>After giving a nod, the other hobgoblins open the grate.

>I throw up my hands and let out a great bellow.

>The hobgoblins stop in their tracks, either afraid or curious to see if I can really use magic.

>I open my bag of holding and drop it on the floor, jumping into it quickly after.

>They all gasp as I disappear into the bag like a smooth criminal.

>Later bitches!

>>379169

I'm just gonna keep posting

>Inside my bag of holding is a sweet little house with a basement or two.

>I have all kinds of supplies stashed away, canned and non perishable foods, water, clothing and the likes.

>I know it sounds far fetched bit it’s actually quite common from where I come.

>I got all the nasty stuff down in the basement.

>Could probably put the tentacle in the second basement for safety.

>She’ll probably feel at home too since it’s deep under the rest of my portable home.

>Speaking of the monster where is she?

>I’m surprised to see that the tentacle girl is not just waiting for me at the entrance.

>Wherever she’s gone to… this could be dangerous.

>The front door is open.

>Rush inside, no telling what she’s messed up.

>The kitchen is a mess like a wild animal has gone through it.

>There’s a trail of her… juices and my clothing leading from here to downstairs as well as my bedroom.

>Just where the hell has she gone?

>Better head downstairs first to make sure everything is in order.

>Get down there and find that she is not here.

>Good, the lock on my uh… stockpile is still intact.

>I’m not smart but I’m not stupid either.

>I don’t just leave this shit lying about like a certain idiot master of mine.

>Accuse me of breaking her stupid crystal.

>I hope it is broken.

>Head back upstairs to deal with tentacle girl.

>There’s only one more trail to follow.

>The bedroom.

>Cosy, with a single bed and nightstand.

>There’s also room enough for a small bookcase with a few of my… uh… material.

>Hey, don’t judge! They’re an invaluable supply of information!

>if I didn’t have such twisted interests in these monsters I probably wouldn’t have gotten this far.

>Speaking of monsters.

>I see my bed is currently occupied.

>A certain tentacle has taken up residence in my covers, snuggling up on top of the pillow.

>About the room are several articles of my clothing among other… things.

>Things I’m not proud of.

>Things I’ve left my mark on.

>Around her tentacles is one such thing.

>A certain sleeve filled with magical gel.

>She’s basically violating it harder than I ever could.

>I’m almost jealous of her.

>Her free tentacles are still holding the clothes I whipped her with the other day.

>What a weird creature.

>Can’t blame her though.

>If I weren’t in this situation I’d probably be doing the same.

>She hasn’t really stirred from the bed since I entered.

>Is she sleeping?

>Well, I’ll be.

>I’m just gonna close the door then and get back to work…

>She’s lucky I got goblins outside to deal with…

>Head back down to first basement.

>Door is still locked, but I have the key as always.

>Wait… where is my key?

>Shit, it’s not in my pocket.

>I swear I had it- oh fuck.

>The tentacle girl has my pants.

>>379833

>Creep back into bedroom.

>Do my best to sneak over to her without making too much noise.

>She looks so happy lying there, raping that poor magical onahole in her sleep.

>At least that has most of her tentacles distracted.

>You know, Avery Knowles always wrote about how tentacle girls like this are gentle caring creatures that form intimate bonds with humans.

>Particularly men.

>But I don’t think I want to become intimate with her if she’s gonna treat me like that fuck sleeve.

>My ass is my most vital area and shall not be infringed upon.

>Now just what the hell am I gonna do to get those pants untangled from her… ‘hands.’

>I don’t exactly have a way of fighting her without just outright punching her shit again.

>I don’t want to hurt her…

>She looks so cute just sleeping there on my bed.

>If she wakes up maybe she can be reasoned with?

>Can tentacle girls even talk?

>Once again I should have paid attention to that part of the damn book.

>Fuck you, Avery Knowles and your stupid sexy cow tits.

>If I get out of this Undefiled, I’m going to give you a private lesson of your own and there will be an oral test!

>So back to the tentacle girl.

>I suppose what I could do is wrap her up in the blanket and tie it off like a bag.

>That might be able to hold her while I wrestle the pants out of her ‘hands.’

>Or it might just make things worse by getting me up close and personal with her just long enough for her to wrap me up like a sex burrito.

>Much as part of me likes the idea considering the last three days, I don’t want to take my chances of having my backside explored.

>An idea comes to me as I watch her sleep.

>What if I got her to snatch up a new pair of pants for the old one…?

>Well… it could work, or it’s game over.

>Fuck it, it beats the other plan, less violent.

>Strip my pants off and dangle them over her.

>Have to stand there for some time but surprisingly she starts to react.

>Slowly she begins to move her ‘hands’ away from the old pair in favor of the new, all while still sleeping.

>This is… actually kinda working.

>Stealthily remove the old pair of pants and allow her to snuggle up to the new pair.

>Retreat from the bedside and examine old pants.

>They’re stained with… fluids of all kinds.

>I don’t even know what half this shit is but I have a feeling I don’t want to.

>Well, I only need what’s in them, the key.

>Slide my hand into the damp pocket of my trousers.

>Ugh… it’s sticky…

>I feel the key at least.

>Pull that shit out, my hand oozing with whatever icky fluids the tentacle girl has graced my pants with.

>Drop that shit out of disgust.

>They make a wet flop on the floor.

>Oh fuck.

>Look up to see tentacle stirring in bed.

>Our eyes lock for a moment before she looks down to see my pants crumpled in a slimy pile on the floor and my bare legs.

>A wicked smile spreads across her face.

>Nope, I’m out.

>Run out door and slam it shut.

>Hear tentacles make wet slaps against door.

>See doorknob turning.

>I guess she figured out how to work more than one kind of knob.

>Clever girl.

>Run downstairs to basement.

>If I can work the lock she won’t be able to get in.

>I can probably find something down there to subdue her.

>Oh God, wait, I stepped in her juice.

>Fuck, now I’m falling down the stairs.

>Dear lord, if this creature is to rape me in every way possible please let this fall snap my neck.

>Slam face into door.

>Well… I’m not dead so there’s still a chance.

>Tentacle is at the top of the stairs.

>She’s hesitating.

>Maybe she also tripped down them?

>She takes a careful step down the first one and gains a little confidence.

>Oh shit, she’s figuring out stairs!

>Panicking, but still manage to get key in hole.

>Open door and look back.

>She lets out a squeal as she slips and falls down after me.

>Jump through door and slam it shut just as she runs into it.

>Scramble to my feet and lock that shit.

>Fuck.

>My heart is about to burst.

>I almost became the fisherman’s wife.

>Almost as nasty as matango.

>Almost.

>Anyway, I made it.

>The first basement.

>>379834

>I see my collection has thankfully remained untainted by a certain plant’s milk of the cherry popper.

>Unlike my master I keep my belongings in a vault organized with scores of aisles, all categorized both alphabetical and by likeness.

>My scrolls with scrolls, trinkets with trinkets and consumables likewise.

>Anything not fitting in any one category goes in an area I have dubbed miscellaneous or in the second basement given to my…

>Well… that’s a secret for now.

>One of those ‘not even Master knows’ secrets.

>Anyway, maybe I have some sleep powder in here?

>Or maybe I could subdue her by some other means?

>Or… I could break out the big guns.

>The one thing that is sure to help me out in this situation!

>I run down the aisles until I reach a small section where I keep any rings I steal- I mean come across.

>There’s one ring I have in mind.

>Something truly game changing when it comes to this tentacle girl.

>It’s basically like cheating.

>Ah, here it is!

>The ring of Freedom of Movement!

>Yeah, I know, I’m basically a genius.

>For… having held onto this thing for so long.

>Ignoring the irony of the situation I slip the ring onto my finger.

>I don’t feel any different.

>Don’t really want to tempt fate, either.

>Well, maybe I can get to work on her playpen while I’m here.

>I’m thinking I probably have some kind of magical item here for her.

>Might as well browse around.

>I have all kinds of magical little trinkets and the like but none of these are really going to hold her downstairs.

>Maybe there's something in the armor department?

>From gauntlets to greaves I have several enchanted pieces of armor but nothing that would keep a tentacle girl in place.

>Or at the very least out of my way.

>Maybe a tanglefoot bag?

>No, too messy.

>Maybe something like these boots of burden?

>Nah, she doesn’t even have feet.

>Why do I have those anyway?

>A book of wordplay?

>What is this shit?

>Wait a minute.

>That tentacle girl hasn’t spoken a word to me.

>Maybe she can’t?

>Maybe I’m going about this the wrong way?

>Turn my ass around and head back to rings.

>How about… oh, this might work.

>Been meaning to test this thing out anyway.

>Haven’t used it on myself because I don’t know if there are any serious drawbacks.

>Not that I expect her to experience anything bad.

>Take the ring of intelligence.

>With any luck this could help us communicate.

>Gonna tie a string to it just in case this backfires.

>I got my ring on too so there’s no chance she’ll grab me.

>Right?

>Whatever, can’t hide in here forever.

>Head back to door.

>I can hear her sloshing about still trying to figure out how to get in.

>The knob is jiggling but she hasn’t figured out how locks work.

>This’ll change that - hopefully.

>Open door.

>Tentacle girl flops in, having pressed herself up against the door.

>She looks around the room confused until she sees me.

>Watch her turn over to face me.

>A smile spreads across her face again.

>She starts reaching up at me with both ‘hands.’

>Take the opportunity to slip the ring onto one of her ‘fingers.’

>She stops suddenly and falls back to the floor with another flop.

>her face is back to being confused.

>She looks around the room again.

>Sees me.

>Her mouth opens.

>She’s mouthing words.

>Shit my experiment is going so well, I’m fucking ecstatic.

>Practically bouncing on my feet as she clears her throat and tries again.

<“W-where… are we, husband?”

>Huh. Memory loss or was she never aware of her immediate surroundings to begin with?

>”We’re uh… home.”

>She smiles again.

<“Oh, I see!”

>Can’t help but smile back.

>Wait, did she call me husband?

>Shit.

>>379835

Nice stuff, writefag.

>>379833

That’s fine. I’m enjoying it.

I firmly believe that the tentacle girl was only trying to get spirit energy crumbs from that onahole.

Rolled 4, 4, 5 = 13 (3d7)

rolling

>>379835

Time to bump this dead thread back to life

>Well, tentacle girl isn’t going to rape me, but not for lack of trying.

>She keeps attempting to latch onto me, but thanks to my ring of Freedom of Movement she can’t quite get a grip.

>Still getting her juices on me.

>So basically now it’s the same only she can talk and understand me.

>When I put that ring on her she essentially became a different person - as if she just woke up from a long slumber.

>Explain the current situation outside the bag.

>No idea what the goblins are planning or what’s going on outside other than they’re going to try to rape me to death.

<“I can help you, husband!”

>”Stop calling me that. We’re not marrie-“

<“Then why put a ring on my finger?”

>She gives me a dumb smug look.

>Damn ring of intelligence made her a smartass.

>Can’t argue with her, just a waste of time.

>”Whatever, what do I call you?”

<“You can call me Wife!”

>”No, I’m Anon, what is your name?”

>She thinks for a moment before answering.

<“Talis.”

>Sounds fancy.

>For a tentacle.

>Have her help me gather up my magical items and head for the exit.

<Spent years looking for a wizard.

<Finally found one and even managed to capture him.

<Now he’s whisked himself away into his magical bag and possibly escaped.

<Sit around waiting with hobgoblin chieftains and shaman.

<Shaman says the wizard cannot leave unless he comes back out of the bag.

<Apparently it’s something called a ‘bag of holding.’

<I don’t really get it but she knows a great deal of things with the help of the sea god.

<See bag moving inside.

<“Chime, make ready, the wizard comes!” Shaman says.

<Everyone is ready to pounce on the wizard the moment he comes out.

<I’ll be the first to nab him!

<See opening of bag loosen.

<Now’s my chance!

<Leap for it, only to be grabbed by multiple… tentacles?

<Get pulled into bag before I know what’s going on.

<Can hear the others shrieking before nothing.

>”Ah, It’s Chime, good catch, Talis.”

<“You know this creature, husband?”

>”Please stop calling me that.”

<What the hell is going on?

<I see the wizard standing next to… one of those tentacle monsters from the caves.

<But she speaks?

<How?

>”So, Chime, how are things outside?”

<I don’t really know how to answer that.

<I just sit here dumbfounded.

<This real life wizard must have just used a spell on me.

>>387245

>The goblin seems to be overwhelmed by the situation.

>”Talis, could you bring her inside and release her?”

<“Of course, husband.”

>”Stop it.”

>She just give me that smug grin again before going to the kitchen with the goblin.

>Just what the hell am I gonna do now?

>Follow Talis in with Chime.

>She plops the little goblin down at the dining table.

>Chime seems particularly disgusted but otherwise too shocked to say anything.

>I’m guessing she was sat down in a… puddle.

>Slam a hand down on the table to snap her out of it.

>Seemed to work.

>”So, Chime. What are the goblins up to?”

>She just kind of looks at me with a blank stare.

>Like she’s been plucked out of her world and has no idea where she is.

>I know that feel.

<“Perhaps I should help her talk?” Talis offered.

>”No, that’s okay. I got this.”

>In my youth I was the most competent schoolyard bully.

>Really, it’s the only reason Master picked me out of everyone else.

>Supposedly she did it to keep me out of trouble and now here I am, right in the middle of it all.

>”Chime, You know I’m a wizard, right?”

<“Y-yes?”

>”You know what wizards can do, yes?”

<“N-no…?”

>The goblin shrinks back into her ooze filled chair.

>”Well… I made it possible for this tentacle here to speak!”

>She looks at Talis who smiles back at her in an almost threatening manner.

>”Just think, if I could make her speak, what kind of awful things could I do to you? Maybe I could turn you into a dragonewt.”

<“Or make you disappear!” Talis’ smile gets progressively more threatening.

>Give the little goblin my best smile.

>Which, by most accounts, is rather upsetting.

>Chime squeals.

<“The others are waiting for you to come back out!”

>”Are they? Good! Talis, would you show Chime to the basement?”

>”The second one?”

>”Just head down to the first one and keep heading straight, can’t miss the second set of stairs.”

>Talis gives me a confident nod and wraps her ‘hands around the goblin once again.

<“Wait, you’re not letting me go?”

>Her whimpering is awakening the inner bully in me.

>”Oh no, you’ve seen too much!”

>She turns pale, almost as if I told her I was going to eat her alive.

>Which is nonsense.

>The only women I ‘eat’ are the ones with enough ‘meat’ on them.

>You know.

>If I had the chance.

>Okay, I may not be a wizard but at this rate I will be…

>Time to go pay the goblins a visit, get myself out of this mess and figure out my next move.

>Could always play pretend and see what this almighty goblin god looks like.

>That gives me an idea!

>”Hey, Talis!”

<“Yes, husband?”

>”Stop it. Bring Chime back up here, I have a job for her!”

>What’s the worst that could happen?

>Peak out of bag with a seeing glass.

>Kind of awkward but I can hear the goblins squawking at one another pointing at it.

>There are dozens of them in this holding cell they’ve placed me in.

>Obviously they’ve seen my hand poking out of the bag, but I still have the drop on them.

>Well, this calls for some ‘magic.’

>Throw out one of my thunder stones.

>THOOM!

>Thunder stone erupts with a great roar as I pop a smoke bomb out of the bag like some kind of street performing magician.

>Emerge from the bag in the puff of smoke, throwing a few more thunder stones.

>Goblins are flipping their shit like I’M the monster.

>Most of them get the hell out of dodge while some of the hobgoblins remain.

>One particularly scruffy one looks about ready to rush me, thinking she can solve this with brawn.

>I snap my attention to her and she hesitates, rethinking her choice.

>How about I light a fire under your ass.

>Throw some alchemist’s fire near her, narrowly missing.

>It bursts into flames and appears to set the stone wall on fire.

>The other hobgoblins flea, but one of them falls flat on her ass.

>Perfect!

>Pick her up by the scruff of her shirt.

>”Take me to your god!”

>Behind me Talis is shadowed in the smoke along with Chime.

>The goblin translates my words to the best of her ability, which only frightens the hobgoblin more.

>She’s shaking but she points her quivering hand in the right direction.

>Well, she at least got the message.

>She is now my handy GPS.

>A Goblin Pointer Servant.

>”Okay, Talis, let’s go!”

>>387246

>My new hobgoblin hostage leads me through several passageways leading up to what I assume is their god’s chamber.

>I can hear the other goblins following us, sometimes I can even see them.

>Chime says they’re afraid.

>Well, yeah, obviously.

>I just single handedly magicked their asses.

>Well, kind of.

>Goblin hostage points me towards an opening in the cave lit by several mushroom torches and some kind of… glowstone?

>It’s giant and blue, but still somehow different from the one in my bag.

>Seems more like glowing is all it does.

<Who dares to trespass in my abode so foolishly?

>Great, another voice in my head.

>Seems the others heard it as well, though.

>I hate that shit.

>Not the first time I’ve had voices in my head with the way my Master runs things, but can’t people just use their damn voice anymore?

>I’ll worry about that later.

>Pretty sure I can’t move.

>Oh, it’s probably because this is some kind of binding magic.

>I should probably answer her.

>“I dare. I am Anon the Wizard!”

<“WHAT?!”

>The room shakes with her booming voice.

>Wait… booming voice?

>Hobgoblin hostage is whimpering in my arms, scared out of her mind.

>My introduction must have broken the caster’s concentration because the hobgoblin is struggling hard.

>Decide to let her go and watch her run off.

>Not Chime, though.

>She deserves the punishment of having to stick around with me as translator.

>That’ll show her for being such a nerd.

>Talis doesn’t seem to give two shits about the booming voice or shaking cave.

>She’s smarter now, so either she knows something I don’t or she’s still too dumb to realize that we may be fucked.

>Can’t lose my cool, stick to my guns.

>”Anon the Wizard!”

<“A WIZARD? OH MY, I WASN’T EXPECTING THOSE GOBLINS TO FIND A WIZARD DOWN HERE!”

>I still see no source of this shouting and look to Talis for answers.

>She seems too focused on the crystal to give me any input.

>Chime is just covering her little pointed ears, poor girl.

>Have a change of heart, as they are no use to me at the moment.

>In the bag with the both of them, I’ll slap some sense into them myself later.

>”Why don’t you show yourself!”

>The crystal in the cave turns a deep reddish purple and soon enough someone… or something comes slithering out from behind it.

>I see a silhouette that reminds me of Talis a little…

>No, wait.

>I see glowing yellow orbs.

>I know what this is.

>I read about this once in Avery Knowles’ book.

>Mindflayer.

>More like Mindfucker.

>Not as bad as Talis’ degenerate implication of back door exploration, but I don’t like the idea of deep tongue/tentacle wet willies.

>’She comes out into the light, her vibrant skin a beautiful, light purple tinge reflected in the crystal, only matched by the captivating yellow oculi on her head.’

>Pretty sure she just made me think that.

>’I woulda just said she was a purple octopus.’

>See her pout for a moment.

>She can hear my thoughts, can’t she?

>>387247

<Oh, yes, you know me so well already! She answers in my head.

>’Great.’

>”Great.”

<Stop that.

<So, if you are a wizard, then you should know why you’re here!

>”Well, I mean, I’m here to bargain for my freedom - and by bargain I mean you’re going to get me out of here before your little goblin cultists rape my ass.”

<Oh? Am I now?

>The Crystal turns red for a moment

>That is, before I threw a thunderstone at it, causing the mindflayer to shriek.

<”No stop! Don’t do that!”

>”What? Keep hitting that crystal until it breaks? Can do!”

<“No, wait, really! Have mercy, O great and powerful wizard!”

>I decide in all my wizardly wisdom to heed her pleas for mercy.

>”Why is that crystal so important to you?”

<“It-it… it is my home!”

>”Home, huh? That where you eat all your sacrifices?”

<“Sacrifices? No sacrifices! The goblins bring their men here and I give them my blessings to wed and bed each other.”

>”You do know that these giddy little goblins gangbang their grooms?”

>The mindflayer looks a little dejected now.

<”I… I do.”

>She seems genuinely upset by this.

>”Are you truly a god?”

<“God? Me? Ha, no way! Leave that stuff to the Sea Bishops. I keep telling the goblins to stop calling me that but they don’t listen.”

>”Then what the hell do you get out of this whole setup?”

<”Well, I’m getting the royal treatment, of course! As royal as you can in a place like this.”

>Raise my brow to that.

>”You’re not from around here?”

<”Oh, heavens no. I was summoned here by my cute little acolytes.”

<”They’re much smarter than they let on.”

>’Oh.’

>”Oh.”

<”Please stop that.”

>”But one of them told me that they were going to give me to you as some kind of sacrifice.”

>”Or well, she made it sound like they were gonna give me to you.”

<”Oh, that must be Chime.”

<”She’s such a good girl, always looking to hook me up with a man.”

<”Asking me all sorts of questions about what kind of man I wanted and all that nonsense you ephemeral types worry about.”

<”I told her I’d only settle for a wizard just so she would stop pestering me about it.”

<”I never thought for a second that she would actually manage to find one so deep under the sea.”

>”Wait… under the sea?”

<”Yes, by several thousand leagues.” She answers with no hint of delicacy.

>’Oh.’

>”Oh.”

>She gives me a frustrated groan.

>The sensory overload of hearing my thoughts and my voice must be really irritating.

>’Maybe if she didn’t keep invading my private thoughts she wouldn’t have to put up with that.’

>Mindflayer gives me a look of shame from my accusatory thought.

>My inner bully is getting a little bit of a heart throb looking at her now.

>’Shit, she might actually be pretty cute.’

>Pretty sure that thought was on me this time.

>It escapes my noggin before I can react, which seems to turn the Mindflayer’s frown upside down.

>Her purplish face even turns a pretty shade of red as she tries to hide her embarrassment.

<”Oh, Anon, please, I’m not that kind of girl.”

>”Uh-huh, I’m sure.”

>>387248

>”Say, I never did ask what your name was.”

<”Oh, interested are we?”

>”Well, yeah, that’s why I asked.”

>My sudden sarcasm threw her for a loop for a moment before she burst into laughter.

<”You are certainly something, Anon. I am called Gazhatol.”

>She holds out a hand for me to take.

>I reluctantly oblige, reaching up to touch her fingertips.

>As soon as I touch them I feel a jolt of energy enter my body, like some kind of entity embraced me.

>It’s not unpleasant, as a matter of fact it kind of feels like a wholesome, full bodied hug from an old highschool sweetheart I had a crush on years ago.

>That’s oddly specific, O brain of mine, especially considering I never had an old highschool sweetheart.

>Still, I can’t really argue with the feelings that I’m… feeling.

>”Feels pretty nice.”

<”I thought you might like that.”

>She scrunches up her nose at me with a playful smile.

>Her fingers intertwine with my own.

>They feel soft, if not a little springy, like some kind of sea mammal.

>That hugging feeling gets a little more intense as the tentacles in her hair slowly reach up to engulf me.

>Her hair slips right off me and she nearly topples over.

>I still have a hold of her hand and manage to pull her into my arms.

>Like the smoothest chad ever.

>”Whoa, whoa, hold on there, Gaz.”

<”G-Gaz?” She looks up at me, her face red and flustered but otherwise infatuated.

>I now realize she probably thinks Gaz is some kind of pet name.

>This relationship is moving way too fast.

>Hand holding and pet names, what next, kissing on our first date?

>What are people gonna think of me back home?

>”Yeah, see, I like ya and all, but I don’t plan on sticking around here. I’m sure you understand.”

>”I need to find a way home and you might be able to help me.”

>Gaz looks disappointed but she quickly steps back and brushes herself off.

<”O-of course. Why would anyone want to life here - hahaha.”

>She turns away and slowly makes her way back around the crystal.

>Follow her.

>When I round the crystal she’s nowhere to be seen.

>Feel pretty guilty.

>Don’t think it’s her using her weird mindfuckery, either.

>Fuck it.

>Already traipsing about with two monsters in my bag of holding, what could it hurt having another?

>”You know, Gaz… if you’d like to come with, I wouldn’t mind.”

>Try not to laugh at the unintentional pun.

>Gaz giggles in my head a little.

<Was that meant as some kind of joke?

>’Oh, we’re back to talking in my head, are we?’

<I have to admit, Anon, despite what you think your headspace is rather cozy for me.

>’I’m not sure what the hell that’s supposed to mean, but I’m flattered?’

<”You should be.” Gazhatol says, poking her face out of the crystal like it was some kind of illusion.

>Probably some kind of pocket dimension of her own in that thing.

>Like my bag of holding but for eldritch monsters like herself.

>’Best not go in, probably lose my mind in there.’

<”Very observant of you, Mr. Wizard.” She teased as she exited the crystal now fully covered in some kind of traveller’s cowl.

>She reaches back and taps the crystal, causing it to disappear in a fit of sparkles.

<”I will gladly accompany you, Anon. I think a change of scenery would be nice.”

>”Great. So uh. You need to talk to the goblins? Maybe tell them you’re leaving?”

<”Oh, yes, good idea.”

>I watch as her yellow eyes light up.

>She begins making expressions like she’s having some kind of conversation with each of the goblins simultaneously.

>Kinda weird but also impressive.

>She stops for a moment to raise a brow at me.

<”Where is Chime?”

>”Oh, Chime, yeah uh… She’s kind of in my bag of holding at the moment as a hostage.”

>Gazhatol narrows her eyes at me.

>”What? Those goblins weren’t exactly hospitable. Matter of fact, they kidnapped several men as far as I know!”

>She continues to give me the ‘evil eye.’

>It’s more cute than threatening oddly enough, though I don’t know if that’s just her playing tricks on my brain or not.

>Sigh and open up the bag of holding.

>Talis comes out with Chime entangled in her appendages, still smiling, still slimy.

>”Talis, please let the goblin go.”

>She releases her obediently and gives me an even bigger smile, like a puppy expecting a treat for her trick.

>Awkwardly pat her on the head and turn to Gaz who seems flabbergasted.

>’Flabbergazted.’

<Stop that right now, Anon.

>’No.’

>Now it’s my turn to look smug.

>>387249

>”Talis, this is Gaz.”

<”Please, call me Gazhatol.” Gaz instructs Talis.

>”Gaz, this is Talis, my uh…”

<”His wife.”

>”ASSISTANT. My assistant. We aren’t married.”

<”He gave me this ring.” Talis says, flaunting the Ring of Intelligence on her ‘finger.’

>Gaz inspects the ring and smiles slyly.

<”Oh, this? Let me inspect it, it could be a fake!”

>Talis looks shocked, turning to me like I betrayed her or something.

>I shrug.

>She holds it up for Gaz to look at, only for the mindflayer to snatch it off her ‘finger.’

>Before Talis can protest Gaz jabs a finger right onto her forehead, rendering her completely unconscious.

>”Hey, you know, she’s a lot easier to manage when she’s wearing that.”

>Gaz ignores my protests and continues to inspect the ring.

<”Where did you get this, I wonder?”

>”It’s uh… it was something that belonged to my master.”

<”Your master?”

>”Long story.”

<”I could just read your mind-”

>”Later, right now I’d like to get out of here.”

<”I’m coming with!” Chime finally pipes up.

>”What?”

<”Wherever Lady Gazhatol goes, so do I!”

>”Oh, sure, fine.”

>”By all means, why don’t I just bring the whole damn goblin tribe with me?”

>Chime’s eyes lit up at the idea, which I quickly flicked her ears for.

>”No.”

>”Just get back in the bag and don’t forget Talis.”

<”You don’t forget Talis!” Chime shouts, jumping in the bag before I can give her my totally awesome comeback.

>I look to Gaz who is just giggling away.

<”I do love Chime’s spunky attitude.”

>”Whatever, just help me get Talis up.”

<”Oh, allow me.”

>Gaz snaps her fingers and immediately Talis jumps up on her… feet?

>Tentacles?

>I’m just gonna call them feet.

<”Oh, Husband, I just had an awful dream.”

>I look at Gaz, mouthing the words ‘what the hell did you do?’

>She winks at me.

<”This purple tentacle lady stole our wedding band and knocked me out-”

>”One second Talis.” I say, putting up my finger.

>”Gaz, I want answers.”

<”That’s her!” Talis yelps, trying to latch onto me.

>She fails of course.

>Freedom of Movement.

>Gaz holds out the ring for Talis to take back.

<”Sorry, I was wrong, this is indeed a genuine ring.” She says with as much sincerity as she could muster.

>Talis takes the ring back and quickly slips it on her ‘finger.’

<”Of course it’s real! Just like my husband’s love for me!”

>”Talis, get back in the bag.”

<”See? True love!”

>Talis turns to me and smiles like some kind of sitcom housewife.

<“Yes, husband.”

>She tries to peck me on the cheek, but I quickly open the bag and she slips inside with a squeal.

>”What the hell did you do to her?”

<”I just made a more permanent solution to your dilemma is all.” Gaz answer.

<“My, my, a wizard with his own ‘pets.’ I’m impressed.”

>I don’t like the way she said ‘pets.’

>Her bedroom eyes and tone of voice imply she thinks this is some kind of harem shit.

>Well it’s not!

>”What about the ring?”

<”Oh, that? It’s completely worthless now, had to practically transfer its effects over to her mind, otherwise it would have taken longer and the results could have varied.”

<”Mind melding like that can be tricky, she could have come out much, much worse.”

<“Ironically she might have become a vegetable, or worse, she could have become a being like myself.”

>”So now I’m out of a ring. Great.”

<”Oh, don’t be so materialistic, now you can rest easy knowing Talis won’t mindlessly attack you.”

>I let out a deep sigh.

>I really liked that ring, it was handy when I had to study all that stupid shit for my master about Einstein-Rosen bridges or whatever else she felt like hitting me with.

>I think she did that in an attempt to punish me for skipping out on her daily shoulder and back massages.

>If I didn’t know any better I think she’d been using me as some kind of errand/fuck boy hybrid.

>But I know that owl has about as much sex drive as I have natural magic.

>Which is to say none at all.

>Avery Knowles has more of a sex drive than her, and she’s shy as the day is long.

>I miss those cow-tits.

<“Ahem.”

>”Oh, sorry, was thinking about-“

<“Cow-tits, yes, I know.” Gaz interjected.

<“Come along, Mr. Wizard, we have much to do to get you back home.” She says walking past me, her hips swaying in a overtly sexual manner.

>”Oh, oh, can we go to the Kobold tribe first? I have friends there and they need to know I’m okay.”

>Gaz turns back to me with a look of surprise.

<“Friends with the Kobold? You are impressive, Anon.”

>>387250

More eventually if people are still interested in this ideano clue where I'm going with this shit:^)

>>387251

Still enjoying it, just be sure to figure out where it's going to end up.

>>387250

>The goblins allow us safe passage, finally coming to the realization that none of them are ‘worthy’ of me now that Gaz has ‘claimed’ me, or so Chime says.

>Gaz convinced me to let her say goodbye to them all, both her and Chime seeing as how they probably won’t see each other again.

>But not before commanding them to cease their fighting with the Kobold.

>They reluctantly agree, seeing as how when I looked around they seemed to have more than enough men among them for the village to thrive.

>Greedy little goblins.

>Manage to convince the hobgoblins to release the men they stole from the Kobold to leave, under threat of my wizardly wrath.

>Oh and I guess Gaz helped with that, too.

>She really has them wrapped around her fingers.

>Maybe she can convince them to stop being shitty gang rapists, too?

>Nah, doubt it.

>Whether it's just mind tricks or they really do believe she’s some kind of god is up in the air, but you can’t change their nature.

>That sounds like something my shitty master would say.

>I think.

>Who cares?

>So now I’m traveling through the cave with a tentacle in my bag, a goblin and a mindflayer on either side and several confused men.

>Unfortunately we have to travel back through mushroom country.

>The horrors of the matango pit are still burned into my retinae.

>Thankfully Chime is a useful guide, she knows a way around the matango pit by way of another passage.

>Glowing mushrooms here and there, Chime and some of the men are carrying their own mushroom torches.

>Thank God, otherwise it’d be impossibly dark.

>’Like darker than a couple hellhounds on Martin Luther King day.’

>’Darker than a banshee’s lyrics in a band full of cutters at a midnight concert.’

>’Darker than the only shoggoth at a maid convention run by kikimoras.’

<Stop it, Anon.

>’No.’

<“It’s still a bit dangerous but it’s not nearly as bad, just be on your guard.” Chime pipes up.

>’Ha.’

>Gaz groans in my brain.

>Perfect.

>”Fair enough. Anything beats becoming a shiitake’s personal pecker.”

>Hear some kind of strange noises of pitter pattering feet ahead of us.

>It’s not Chime, she’s right next to me.

>She goes quiet and puts an arm in front of me, motioning for everyone to stop.

>We wait several moments as the sound runs back and forth.

>Only one pair of feet as far as I can tell.

>”What is it…?” I whisper as low as I can by Chime’s ear.

>The goblin’s ear flickers and her face turns red.

<“Don’t do that!” She hisses back at me.

>”Forget that what the hell are we stopping for?”

>Chime composes herself and points forward.

<“Mushroom creatures. They’re very aggressive, very fast. Nothing like those… what did you call them? Matango?”

>”I’ve never heard of such a thing.”

<“Oh, they rarely come out this way, but this one probably got lost.”

>”Are they dangerous? Like matango dangerous?”

<“For us goblins, yes, but for a wizard like yourself, probably not. Just keep it down, there could be more of them!”

>Makes sense.

>I’m kind of curious to see it.

>”Hey! Mushroom!”

<“What the hell are you doing?!” Chime shrieked.

>”What, you said they wouldn’t be dangerous to me.”

<“They are for me, dammit!”

>Pitter patter of feet gets louder and louder until finally I see a big mushroom come running towards the sound of my voice.

>Her white, fleshy skin and giant mushroom cap are practically glowing in the darkness of the cave.

>No, wait, she IS glowing, if only a little.

>Despite running at me at full speed she has this bored look on her face.

>Like she’s some kind of low functioning fungus.

>Not sure what to expect but she isn’t slowing down.

>Chime yelps and hides behind me.

>Gaz is giggling wildly.

>The mushroom leaps at me and tries to latch onto me, only to slide down my front and flop on the cold, wet ground.

>She left a sticky residue on my shirt.

>Gross.

>>387390

>Little thing only comes up to my chest, and that’s only because of her stupidly big mushroom cap.

>She quickly gets back up and tries again, only to fail once more and fall behind me at Gazhatol’s feet.

<“Oh my, what an adorable little Myconid!” Gaz gushes.

>She grabs hold of the mushroom girl and pinches her cheeks, making faces at her.

>The mushroom’s eyes glaze over as she tries to break free and lunge at me once again.

<“Oh my, Anon, she seems to have taken a liking to you.” Gaz teases me.

>”Great, wonderful, what the hell is she?”

<“Didn’t you hear me? She’s a Myconid! A mushroom person.”

>”I’ve never heard of such a thing.”

>”I only know about matango.”

<“Well, this is a new discovery for you, then!”

>She’s right.

>I may not pay attention to everything in Avery Knowles’ book, but if there’s anything I do know it’s what kind of monsters are in her ‘bestiary.’

>Myconids are not one of them.

>This could be something big!

>Thankfully Gaz has a good grip on the little goober while I think about what to do with her.

>”Well, I guess she can come with us. It’d be quite the discovery back home.”

>Gaz looks elated, squishing the myconid girl’s face between her hands like she was playing with putty.

>The Myconid’s expression remained the same, as though she didn’t give two flying fucks.

>Which I guess is technically accurate considering my little lifesaver of a ring.

>Chime seems the most distraught by this.

<“B-but she’s dangerous!” She protested.

>”Oh, she’s harmless!”

>Gaz shakes her head.

<“She may be harmless, but she’s not to be taken so lightly. This is a fully grown Myconid. Look!”

>Gaz points at me.

>More specifically at my crotch, then to the other men with us.

>Every one of us has an erection.

>”Aw what the hell, Gaz.”

>The mindflayer laughs before giving the mushroom a hug.

<“They release spores that not only help them reproduce, but also help men… get into the mood.” She informs us.

>”Great, should have known, another damn rapist. Just throw her in the bag until I figure out how to deal with her.”

>Gaz gives me a sullen look.

<“We haven’t even learned her name and you want to just put her in your bag! Goodness, you are a beast!”

>”NOT A HAREM!”

>Open bag and slide it over Myconid’s head first.

>She swats the bag away and attempts to break out of Gaz’s hold, her arms reaching for me.

>Gaz is smiling ear to ear now.

<“Isn’t she just adorable?”

>Give her my own version of the evil eye.

>She laughs.

>Chime shushes her.

>”Look, could you at least make it possible for me to communicate with her?”

<“Well, I suppose I could try something but I won’t just do it for free. There are things I require for the spell.”

>”Oh? Like what?”

<“Special ingredients, otherwise it’s a wildcard, and that is a die you don’t want to cast.”

>Chime tries to shush us again.

<“Oh and as for my reward I require a kiss!”

>Damn it, this octoslut.

>”I might have the ingredients in the bag, so for now just please, please, please put her to sleep or something.”

>Gaz nods and taps the Myconid on her forehead, the little monster falling unconscious in her arms.

>Gaz might be trouble but so far she’s proving to be the most useful member of my motley crew.

>I open the bag of holding and Gaz reluctantly puts the Myconid into the bag.

>Thank God, now we can get moving again.

<”Dammit, they’re coming!” Chime whimpers.

>”Who?”

>Wait, what’s that sound?

>It sounds like rain hitting rock.

>Look behind us to see a sea of glowing mushrooms making their way towards us.

>Aw shit.

>>387391

>Running through these tunnels with a horde of Myconids on my ass was not on my list of to-dos.

>Then again, none of this ‘Journey to the Center of the Earth’ shit was, but I’ll worry about that some other time.

>Right now I have to worry about getting these men back to the Kobold less violated than they already had been.

>Chime is leading us through while Gaz and I bring up the rear.

>One of the Myconid had latched onto one of the guys already.

>By some miracle I managed to pry her off and throw her back into the others.

>They tumbled over one another like bowling pins.

>That’ll slow them down.

<“Anon, why don’t you use some of your magic on them?” Gaz suggests.

>”Oh, yeah, didn’t think of that!”

<“… and?”

>”Well I don’t want to hurt them!”

<“Don’t you have some kind of binding spell?”

>”Don’t you?”

>She doesn’t look very amused at our banter.

>Which is a shame because I thought we were really starting to connect there.

>Reach into my bag of holding and withdraw a flask - actually it’s more of a decanter.

>I nicked this thing off my mast- I mean I found it in the trash, yeah.

>Try to remember which word the manual said to use.

>Is it stream?

>No, that’s not it.

>Fountain?

>Is that bigger than stream? That doesn’t really make much sense, a stream can be huge compared to a dinky little fountain.

>What was the other word, geyser?

>Who the hell came up with this shit?

>Why not Waterfall or Ocean?

>Or Hydropump!

>No, I think that would be plagiarism.

>Whatever, I’ll just to with… uh…

>”Geyser!”

>Point decanter behind us while we run.

>Water begins to hose the Myconids down as they slide off the now wet and slippery rocks back down the way they came.

>The water keeps going, pushing them back far enough for us to get away.

<“Bravo, Anon. That was some magic back there!” Gazhatol congratulates me.

>I can’t tell if she’s being sarcastic or not.

>I assume she saw me pull out the decanter.

>Maybe she thinks I cast that spell?

>I guess I did, technically.

>Chime’s little heart is beating so fast I can practically see her bouncing where she stands.

<”Did… we lose them?”

>She seems out of breath.

>Offer her a drink from the decanter.

>She eyes both it and me suspiciously before carefully accepting it and sipping at it.

>Feel Gazhatol’s many eyes on my back.

>Try to resist urge to shout ‘geyser.’

>Fail.

>”GEYSER!”

>Chime’s face turns red and she runs away.

<“STUPID! IDIOT! ASSHOLE!”

>Gaz swats me on the back of the head.

>”What?”

>”It wouldn’t work anyway.”

>”It’s a once a day thing.”

>Gaz directs my eyes down at the decanter.

>The water is rising rapidly.

>Oh, shit!

>Point it back down the tunnel.

>’Down range,’ I’d call it.

>Decanter erupts in as another geyser pours down the tunnel.

>Take that Myconids.

>Look to Gaz for answers.

>She smiles as if she knew what was up.

>”What?”

>”What the hell are you smiling about?”

>Won’t tell me though no matter how much I ask her.

>Whatever, put my decanter away before something else happens.

>Guess I’ll HAVE to apologize to Chime.

>I mean, I’m still gonna bully her but Gaz is right, that could have actually hurt her.

>>387679

>Manage to catch up to Chime.

>She might be quick but she’s still a shorty.

>Little gobbo is sulking, her face still red.

>Well, might as well give it a shot.

>”Chime, I’m sorry about that, I just wants to play a little joke.”

>She sniffs and holds up a hand.

<“Don’t.”

>Aw shit.

>I really screwed up this time.

>Keep walking beside her for what feels like an hour.

>Chime finally stops and furrows her brow at me.

>I must be making a miserable face because she lets out a frustrated groan.

>She jumps up and punches me on the chin.

>Wow, that actually hurt.

>She’s surprisingly strong.

<“There. We’re even.”

>”Really?”

<“Really.”

>”Wow, you’re a bigger person than I thought.”

>”Oh, uh, that’s meant as a compliment, I promise.”

<“Just shut up and follow me, we’re very close to the Kobold village.”

>Try to give her a smile.

>She frowns.

<“And no smiling. I’m still mad at you.”

>”But you’ll forgive me?”

<“I’ll think about it. Get back to the rear and make sure no Myconids are following us.”

>On my way back I can see Gaz giving me a smug look again.

<“Oh my, quite the relationship you two are developing.”

>”Shut up, Gaz.”

<“Should I be worried about you two getting ahead of me?”

>”For the last time, Gaz, this is not a harem.”

>Her smiling eyes and that shit eating grin make me want to slap her upside the head.

>I think she read my mind because her smile gets even wider.

<“Maybe some other time, Anon. We’ve arrived at the Kobold village.”

>The look on the Kobold’s faces when we come into view of their village was priceless.

>It was like one of those videos of a dog’s master returning home from war.

>’Almost brings a tear to my eye, but I’m too manly for that.’

<I wouldn’t be too sure about that.

>’Shut up, Gaz.’

>Bea, Pesh and Ruka along with the rest of the tribe run out to meet us, several of them all hugging and bawling their eyes out as they embrace their lovers.

>Bea actually attempts to give me a hug but can’t seem to wrap her arms around me.

>”Hold on!” I say, slipping the ring off and stowing it in my pocket.

>I hold out my arms and she nearly crushes me in hers.

<“An-non, you are a real hero!” She says.

<“How did you ever free our men?”

>”Long story short, I’m awesome.”

>She suddenly looks over and notices Gaz and Chime, letting out a yip.

<“What are they doing here?!”

>This gets all of the Kobolds’ attention.

>”Whoa, whoa, hold on, Bea!” I say, pulling her close in an attempt to keep things civil.

>”Relax, relax, these are my, uh, friends. They helped me and these men escape.”

>Bea pressed X to doubt, glaring at Chime particularly, but she eventually buys the story.

<“Very well, if that is the truth then I shall treat them as friends.”

<“Oh-ho, don’t get too friendly, doggo! Last thing I need to smell like a wet mutt.” Chime chimes in.

<“Oh, so you speak our language now, O adulterous one?”

<“I’m as pure as the water is clear!” Chime retorts.

>Flick both their ears.

>”Behave.”

>>387680

>Both Chime and Bea pout and rub their ears, looking to Gaz for help.

>Gaz only smiles back and nods, as if to say she agreed with me, which only makes the two blush.

<“Ahem, I am Gazhatol, I am companion to my dear Anon here after he displayed his bravado in the rescuing of these fine gentlemen.”

>She holds out a hand for Bea to shake.

>Bea hesitates for a moment before taking her hand and giving it a firm shake.

<“I am called Bea, thank you for helping my people.”

>I’m happy that Gaz is getting along at least.

>After a moment I realize another kobold standing next to Bea, her face red as can be.

>It was the kobold I gave myself up for.

>Bea looks at me and smiles.

<“Oh, An-non! This is my sister, Bec, the one you rescued!” She says proudly.

>”Uh, hi, Bec.”

>Bec smiles awkwardly and slowly moves in to give me a hug.

<“Th-thank you.” She whimpers, fighting back sniffles.

>Aw geez, is she crying?

>I pat her back and try not to make this any more awkward.

<“An-non, thank you so, so much!” She howls.

>”Uh, maybe we should take this somewhere private.” I say to Bea who also looks to be on the verge of tears.

>Tears of joy, judging from that quivering smile.

>She nods and leads everyone back into the village.

<“Tonight there will be a feast, An-non. I want you and your friends to be there.

>Bea didn’t look like she would take no for an answer.

>I guess I had no choice.

>She takes us back to her place where we sit and discuss what happened, leaving select details out of course.

>Bea doesn’t need to know about Talis or that Myconid in my bag.

>Not yet anyway.

<“So you are a wizard, An-non?” Bea asked.

<“And you took on the whole goblin tribe by yourself?” Bec added, the two of them bewildered.

>”Well, yeah, I guess I did right up until I met Gaz here.” I say, motioning to the mindflayer.

>The kobold look a little uneasy looking at her.

>’Gaz doesn’t seem to mind.’

>’Ha.’

<Please stop.

>’No.’

>Stick my tongue out at the mindflayer.

>Her many eyes glow a bright yellow at me for a split moment before I get this woozy feeling in my noggin.

>Oh that biiiij… she made brain… no work good.

>In an instant the feeling is gone.

>Now it’s her turn to stick her tongue out.

>I’ll deal with her later.

>Bec looks a bit pensive until she realizes she’s staring at me, causing her to turn away blushing.

>Cute.

<“So now you are looking for a way home, An-non?” Bea says, bringing our attention back to the topic at hand.

>”Yes.”

<“I’ve offered to help him myself.”

>Both Bea and Bec eye Gazhatol skeptically before sighing.

<“An-non, are you sure that’s a good idea?” Bea asks flat out.

<“Yes, An-non! She could be extremely dangerous!”

<“Rude!” Gaz retorts, but that only emboldens the kobolds.

<“Let us be your loyal companions, An-non! We will not allow this deep witch to harm you!” They both demand.

>I look to Gaz who seems to really like the idea, nodding enthusiastically.

>I also look at Chime who clearly hates the thought, shaking her head furiously.

>”What about your village? Aren’t you two some kind of leaders?”

<“Oh, no, do not worry, An-non. We are not the only leaders. Pesh and Ruka are up to the task.” Bea answers confidently.

>Well, anything to bully Chime.

>”Alright, but don’t be in such a hurry, we still have a feast to go to.”

>>387681

>The Kobold know how to throw a feast.

>There’s all kinds of cooked fish and cave veggies in a big stir fry for the whole village.

>Carrots, mushrooms and other herbs and such.

>They even got a specially made Kobold brew.

>It’s pretty nice.

>I haven’t had a drink like this in ages.

>Not since I my master took me to her friend’s daughter’s bat mitzvah.

>Yes, she’s a danuki.

>Yes she tried to arrange a marriage between me and her daughter.

>Thankfully my master wouldn’t allow such a thing.

>She said something about me being anti-procyonetic.

>Whatever that means.

>Well, as long as I don’t have to deal with those filthy raccoons I’m good.

>The stuff there wasn’t nearly as strong as this Kobold hooch.

>Damn cheapskates.

>Everyone in the village pitched in, even Gaz and Chime, although they were given menial tasks on account of being outsiders.

>That or they just didn’t want the abomination and the goblin touching the food.

>I’m not allowed to lift a finger as I’m the guest of honor, or so I’m told.

>Bea and Bec have sat me at the head of the longtable with them flanking either side of me.

>Everyone is having such a good time I feel a real sense of accomplishment.

>You know, for having reunited the Kobold families.

>I did that.

>Gaz and Chime are sitting on either side of Bea and Bec.

>The village insisted that my friends stick close to me.

>Not sure if it’s because they want to honor them or because no one wants to sit near them.

>Whatever, it’s food time.

>Everyone is eating and drinking to their heart’s content.

>Chime is wolfing her food down faster than any Kobold, ironically.

>Maybe she’s never eaten food like this before?

>The goblin camp didn’t seem to have any means of cooking or farming.

>Did they just eat raw fish?

>Gaz is just staring at her plate with a weird smile on her face.

>Do Mindflayers not eat?

>Maybe they don’t eat cooked food?

>’Hey, Gaz, I know you’re in here.’

<Of course. What is it?

>’You should probably try eating your food.’

>’Y’know. Cuz it’s kind of rude not to.’

<Oh, is it? I was not aware.

<I’m actually eating right now.

>’You are? Cuz it looks like you’re just sitting there like a crazy person.’

<Rude!

>Notice her eyes are glowing every now and then.

>’Wait… you’re eating?’

<That’s what I said.

>’You’re eating everyone’s thoughts, aren’t you?’

<Look at you piecing that together.

<It’s like you’re a wizard or something!

>’Very funny.’

>’Seriously though, you should at least pretend to eat what’s on your plate.’

>’Food for thought.’

<I prefer thoughts for food.

<But if that is what you wish, Anon.

>She looks around and picks up her fork, studying how the Kobold are eating.

>Slowly she attempts to skewer some of the fish and veggies, putting them into her mouth.

>Gaz chews with a certain deliberation, her yellow eyes glowing at me as she smiles.

<It’s quite good, but not as tasty as this feasting of the minds.

>’I don’t like the way you said that.’

<Did you know your thoughts have flavor?

>’Why the hell would I know that?’

<They do! Yours are sweet and sour!

>’That is disgusting… and yet surprisingly interesting.’

>Gazhatol hums her agreement in my head.

<Your Kobold companions, there thoughts are bittersweet, like dark chocolate.

>’You know what chocolate is?’

<Of course I do, don’t be silly.

>’Alright, what about Chime? Bet her thoughts taste awful.’

<Actually they’re rather spicy. She’s a little firecracker, that one.

<I enjoy hers quite a lot.

>’What makes her thoughts so spicy?’

<It’s her emotions, the kinds of thoughts she has when she’s around us.

>’Us?’

>>387740

<Watch this.

<“Oh, Chime, isn’t this food just wonderful?”

>The goblin stops eating long enough to actually swallow her food.

>She stifles a burp before wiping her mouth.

<“Y-yeah! Way better than anything I’ve ever eaten!”

>Gaz grins at either of us, leaving us both confused.

<“We’ll have to thank Anon for bringing us along!” She says.

>Chime blushes and looks away, now eating her food self-consciously.

<Delicious.

>’So what’s that on the scoville scale?’

<There’s no exact number but I would equate it to one of your kind’s spicy peppers.

>’What like a jalapeño?’

<Hotter.

>’Habanero?’

<Even hotter.

>’What, a fucking ghost pepper?’

<Oh yeah.

>’What are you trying to say she likes me or something?’

<You ARE half the reason she came with us.

>’This is not a harem, Gaz.’

>’I have enough trouble trying to deal with Talis.’

<Maybe so, but that doesn’t change her feelings.

>’Can we go back to talking about the flavors of thoughts?’

<Why yes, yours are rather salty at the moment.

>Damn mindflayer smiles at me like some kind of faggot cat.

>I chew my food as threateningly as I possibly can.

>Suddenly both Bea and Bec stand up from their seats.

>Everyone stops eating and stares at them - and at me with their full attention.

<“Everyone, my sister and I have something to say to you all.”

>Oh boy, here goes the embarrassing speech.

<“Many in our village were saved thanks to the great and powerful An-non here who has revealed himself to be a wizard.”

<“Even my sister was saved by his selflessness.”

<“News has come to me that the goblins wish to pursue peace with us.

<“They have given back many of your husbands as a show of good faith.”

<“We have An-non to thank for that as well!”

>The table erupts with cheering and applause.

>Holy shit this is embarrassing.

>Gaz is just eating this shit up, too.

>Damn mindflayer is probably having her fill of this brain boggler buffet.

>Once the cheering has died down Bea starts up again.

<“Sadly, An-non will not be staying with us, as he must return home to his kind.”

>Bea waves a hand to Bec who takes a deep breath.

<“So we have decided that my sister and I are going to be his companions.”

<“That is, if he would have us.”

>Both the twins and the whole village stare at me awaiting my answer.

>I clear my throat before standing up from my seat.

>”Uh… I would be honored to have you!”

>That was the best I could think of.

>To my surprise the whole village begins to cheer.

>The twin kobold are smiling at one another, their cheeks rosey red.

>Even Chime is reluctantly clapping for them.

>Gazhatol is laughing now.

>’What the hell is so funny?’

<Oh Anon, you’re so wonderful.

>’What’s that supposed to mean?’

<Oh, you don’t know?

<Anon, you just accepted a marriage proposal.

>Well, great, I have a tentacle that thinks we’re married.

>A goblin who has a crush on me.

>A mindflayer who likes the taste of my thoughts and wants to force me into a harem.

>And now I was tricked into getting engaged to the kobold twins.

>Stupid Gazhatol probably knew this was going to happen.

>She can read minds after all.

>Or flay them, whatever.

>I’d like to flay her mind.

>After the feast we all went back to Bea and Bec’s house where I was forced to sleep in their bed.

>No hunka chunka though, strictly forbidden until after the ceremony.

>Which may or may not be like a royal consummation.

>Which is a fancy way of saying shitty fucking voyeurism to prove that I do the deed and also that the two kobold are ‘pure.’

>If I’m gonna be a wizard someday then I cannot let this happen.

>No matter how much I might want it.

>I mean don’t get me wrong Bea and Bec are attractive and nice, but this is moving way too fast for someone like me.

>I hardly even know them, for fuck’s sake!

>And marrying both Bea and Bec? Really?

>Weren’t they talking shit about the goblins for their polyamorous ways?

>Or is it okay because we’ll be married?

>Hypocrisy at its finest.

>Hypocrisy with overtones of incest.

>Hell I hope not.

>Only fucking perverts and weirdos like that shit.

>Bea and Bec are holding either of my arms in theirs, snuggling up close to me.

>This is torture.

>Why even do this if we’re not allowed to do anything until we’re officially married?

>’Monsters are fucking weird.’

<Oh, please, like you haven’t done anything weird or outlandish in your entire life.

>’Oh, hey Gaz.’

>’You just watching the show?’

<Oh, yes, it is rather entertaining.

>’Good, because you’re a bitch.’

>>387741

<Oh my, such anger.

>’You knew this was going to happen!’

>’You knew these two were tricking me into marriage and you just let it happen!’

<Calm down, Anon.

>’No YOU calm down! Are you trying to outdo the bicorns with your harem shit?’

<Anon, enough.

<I have my reasons.

>’Oh, really? What are they?’

>Gaz sighs in my brain somehow.

>I still don’t get how that works.

<I fear that there will be great trials ahead of us, so you need as many companions as you can get your hands on.

>’What kind of trials…?’

<Dangerous trials.

<Remember the Matango pit?

>’Were you diving through my memori-?’

<Well it will be like that but one thousand times worse.

<And the only way you’re going to make it through this is if you surround yourself with those who love you.

>’O… kay?’

<You will come to understand that what I’m telling you is the truth.

<I don’t do this because it’s some sick fantasy I have, Anon.

<I do it for your safety.

>’But you totally have a sick fantasy for this.’

<Okay, maybe a little, but that’s only the cherry on top of our rocky road ice cream sundae.

>’Have you even ever had ice cream?’

<No, but I hope you get me some someday.

>Feel Bea and Bec reposition themselves to get closer in on me.

<Oh my, Anon, does ice cream taste like whatever that thought was?

>’Thought? No thought! There wasn’t a thought!’

<Not you, them!

>’What thought?!’

<Oh, no, you had better get some sleep, Anon.

<Big day tomorrow.

>Shit, I’m gonna have to have a few words with my two brides here.

>We’re gonna have to skip through some of the traditions.

>Morning comes, both Bea and Bec are still wrapped around me.

>I try to escape their soft, yet vice like grip only to stir them from their slumber.

<“Oh, good morning An-non.”

<Yes, good morning.”

>”Good morning, girls.”

>”Look… uh… we gotta talk.”

<“What is it, An-non?

>They both sit up and give me their undivided attention.

>Boy, this is awkward.

>Uh… how do I say it?

>”Ladies, can we er… postpone the ceremony? Maybe?”

>They look understandably horrified.

<“B-but, An-non-!”

>”Wait, wait, wait, let me explain!”

>I don’t want to see them getting all teary eyed.

>”Look, we can still go through with this but there’s something you gotta understand.”

>They give each other a concerned look before I continue.

>This is way worse than I thought it was going to be.

>Think up a logical reason for postponing the marriage.

<You’re a wizard, Anon. Gaz suggests.

>’Do you ever sleep?!’

<No.

>Whatever, take Gaz’s idea.

>”I’m a wizard, right?”

<“Yes, An-non.”

>”So I can’t by any means uh… consummate the marriage…”

>”You know, ‘cause I’ll lose my powers.”

>”Then I won’t be able to go home.”

>That last bit was a bit of a fib.

>Actually the whole thing kinda was.

>Shit, I hope.

>The realization hits them and they both breathe a heavy sigh of relief.

<“Oh, An-non! Is that all?”

<“We thought you did not wish to get married!”

<“Let us get married today An-non and when we get you back home then we may… ahem…”

>They both seem to clam up at the thought of the hanky panky.

>Cute.

Rolled 1, 6, 4 = 11 (3d7)

Rolling, Also started a new note;

Rolled 7, 2, 3 = 12 (3d7)

>>376771

Rolling, what do I get?

>>387752

> Smart Amazons, Smarter insect/plant women, smarter aquatic girls.

> Smart Snu-Snu, Smarter vegitation/insectoid milking, smart leviathan size aquatic and great white girls.

> Desert Island ergo Gilligan's but on a Just Cause /Tropico scale, I might even want to factor in a volcano and heat elemental girls if I continue it far enough.

< I need to figure out how to get a flight suit… But I'm sure this island has harpy colonies as well.

< Oh boy here we go. (If anyone's reading this)

>>387756

read the OP. its for a preface of a CYOA or story theme.

>>387742

>We have breakfast downstairs with Chime and Gaz.

>Mindflayer’s still got a shit eating grin plastered on her face.

>Chime seems a little quieter than her usual self.

>I think I know why.

>Decide that I would spice things up by properly introducing Bea and Bec to the whole crew.

>And by that I mean Talis and that mushroom gal I have stowed away in my bag of holding.

>”Bea, Bec… I have some confessions to make.”

>They look concerned again.

<“What is it, An-non? Is it the ceremony again?”

>”Oh, no, nothing like that.”

>They look relieved again, poor things.

>”There are a few secrets that you should know about me… before you travel with me.” I say to the kobold sisters.

>Both Bea and Bec look determined, bracing themselves.

>I pull up my bag of holding and open it.

>”It would be easier if I just showed you. Follow the goblin.” I say, grabbing Chime and tossing her into the bag against her protests.

>Bea and Bec look at one another, astonished at my ‘magic’ before climbing in after the goblin.

>I hold the bag toward Gaz who smiles, complies and enters swiftly.

>Finally I join them, stepping into the bag.

>Inside, my four guests are waiting at the door to my portable home.

>Both Bea and Bec are looking around, bewildered by their new surroundings.

>Their astonished attitudes are quickly replaced with alertness as they notice the two viscous slime trails heading inside.

>”Okay, so, fair warning, this is gonna be pretty strange. I might have a uh… tentacle and a Myconid inside my house.”

<“What?” The two kobold ask together.

>Shove my way between them and open the door to reveal Talis struggling to wrestle the as of yet named Myconid to the ground.

>It’s like a repeat of before, the tables and chairs in the kitchen have been tossed around with all manner of things in a mess on the floor.

<“Oh, husband! Thank goodness you’ve returned, this little mushroom has been giving me quite the trouble!” Talis says with an innocent smile.

>Her addressing me as her husband seems to have confused the kobold, the two giving me an accusatory glare.

>”Look, it’s a long story, but we are not married, I swear.”

>They raise their brows at me and look to Gaz and Chime.

>Chime has a devilish grin as though she were going to say otherwise, but she is quickly interrupted by Gaz who agreed that I am not in fact a tentacle fucker.

>Much to the kobold twins’ relief.

>The Myconid has noticed me and has locked on, attempting with all its might to break free from Talis’ grasp to no avail.

>Chime squeals and hides behind me.

>I still don’t really understand her fear of this thing.

>Thankfully Talis is useful for something and has a good grip on her.

>Clear my throat.

>”Once again, Bea, Bec, this is Talis, my-“

<“Wife.”

>”ASSISTANT, DAMMIT!”

>My kobold companions are no less confused.

>I think I’m beginning to understand how my master feels about me.

>Maybe I should apologize to her when I get back.

>Nah, fuck that, it’s her fault I’m here in the first place.

>Before I can explain anything to Bea or Bec the Myconid slips out of Talis’ ‘hands.’

>Which causes Chime to flip her shit and run through the house to the nearest door and slam it shut behind her.

>My bedroom to be exact.

>The Myconid rushes me before anyone else can react.

>Manages to tackle me to the floor, only to slide off afterwards.

>She slips and slides around the floor before Talis scoops her up again and embraces her lovingly.

>Jeez, little twerp sure can pick up momentum.

>Talis pats the Myconid on the head.

>Or the cap.

>Is that part of her?

>Like hair or what?

<“Aw, our little Agari wants to give you a hug, husband!”

>What.

>”You named her?”

<“Of course I did! We’re keeping her, aren’t we?”

>Hate to admit it but she’s got me there.

>Not sure how I feel about the name Agari, though.

<“Oh, like the agaricus mushroom!” Gaz interjects.

>Talis nods.

>Yeah, as if she could think of something that clever.

>’Agaricus mushroom, as if.’

<Oh, behave, Anon.

>’No.’

>”Great, so you named her.”

>”Can we please do something to stop her from trying to bullrush me every chance she gets?”

<“I will try to work with her on that, dear Anon.”

>The mindflayer taps Agari on the head, knocking her out.

>”Thanks, Gaz.”

>”Well, while those two try to handle uh… Aggy, why don’t I show you gals around?”

>Bea and Bec slowly nod.

>I suspect they are having second thoughts in marrying me.

>But how could they resist the wiles of a tentacle charmer and mushroom collecting wizard?

>>387867

>Bea and Bec follow me around the house as I give them the grand tour.

>First floor, bedroom, kitchen, etc.

>Ignore the fact that Chime has bundled herself up in my bed and continue my tour.

>Basement where all my goodies are stored.

>Second basement has my most valuable possessions.

>After the tour we go back out to the Kobold village to get the ceremony done.

>It’s all pretty basic stuff.

>Some kind of ritual, they bind our hands in cloth and we say some vows to each other.

>I have to kiss the two brides, which is pretty weird.

>Do an awkward threeway kiss to show that they are both equals in some aspect.

>Not gonna lie, it’s pretty okay for being weirdo twin marriage shit.

>God, the longer I’m here in this cave the more degenerate I feel like I’m getting.

>And I’ve fapped it to a big tiddied ox professor.

>Bea and Bec managed to convince the town that I was a special case and would be unable to consummate the marriage for the reasons I told them.

>Thankfully the village agrees.

>Afterwards Bea, Bec, Gaz and Chime all spend several nights getting accustomed to living in my portable home.

>Talis seems to have adjusted already and I don’t really know how Aggy feels.

>No one is allowed to take anything from either basement without my permission.

>My Kobold wives seem to respect that rule.

>Not Talis, though.

>She seems to think everything here is ‘ours,’ on account of us being ‘married.’

>Which pisses my actual wives off.

>Chime doesn’t respect the rule either considering she’s a filthy goblin and can’t help herself around shiny things.

>Or at least that’s what I keep shouting at her when she thinks she can get away with stealing a potion.

>I don’t give a shit if it tastes amazing, that shit don’t grow on trees!

>I mean, the ingredients might but you know what I mean.

>She would ignore me if Bea or Bec weren’t around to straighten her out.

>Or they would if they didn’t encourage her.

>Strangely enough Bea and Bec admit to it being okay because they now find Chime to be kind of cute.

>Still manages to snag one every now and then.

>Fucking goblin.

>No one is allowed to go into the second basement because of this, so I’m the only one with the key now.

>Thankfully that actually manages to keep both Talis and Chime from doing so.

>Gazhatol has been managing Agari with Talis’ permission.

>Not that she has any say in it, it’s my decision to make.

>She has been using her powers, whatever they may be to teach the little mushroom some manners.

>She now has words to accompany her running tackles.

<“Anon, hug.”

>”No. Go hug Talis, I’m busy.”

>Her voice lacks emotion.

>Like a robot or something.

>But she’s always asking for hugs

>I manage to strongarm Aggy to keep her off me long enough for me to study any monsters I may run into.

>It’s like I’m actually a wizard now or something.

>I mean, I’m not, but I feel like I am.

>The ring does most of the work of keeping Aggy off me but I need that extra manpower to keep her from knocking me over again.

>Now that Gaz is free she’s been helping me plan out our next course of action while babysitting the little mushroom head.

>>387868

<“There is a place on the far side of the caverns where the sea bishops reside.”

>”Is it safe?”

<“Well, safety is relative to whether or not you’re a man.”

>”Which I happen to be.”

<“Yes, and that could be a problem.”

>”Well, I dealt with the goblins before, so how bad could the sea bishops be?”

<“They have magic for one thing.” Gaz points out.

<“For another they have other stronger creatures with them.”

>”Yes, but you forget I’m a wizard!”

>Kind of.

<“True, but there must be a limit to even your power, Anon.”

<“I don’t know how strong their binding magic can be.”

<“And I’ve yet to actually see what kind of spells you are capable of.”

>Shush her and look around.

>Thankfully no one but Aggy heard and she can’t even say more than ‘Anon, hug.’

>’Okay, look… I have a confession to make.’

<Anon, I know what you think, of course I know you’re not a wizard.

>’Okay, yeah, but like-‘

<Not yet, anyway.

>’Wait, what do you mean not yet?’

<I mean you have an immense well of magical potential that you haven’t even tried to tap into since we’ve met.

>’I… I do?’

<You do.

>”WHAT?!”

<“Ow, Anon, please don’t do that.”

>”Sorry… I uh. I had no idea.

>My master told me I had no magical properties of my own.

<“Well, she is right in some ways and wrong in others.”

>”What does that even mean?”

<“It means you do not produce your own mana.”

>”Okay… weird. How does that work?”

<“I suppose you were just born that way, but you are unique.”

>”In what way?”

<“Your mana reserves are compeltely full.”

<“I suspect that you may have absorbed the surrounding mana from around the cave.”

<“Allow me to look into your memories for a moment to confirm my theory.”

>”Well, don’t sound so professional about it, who knows what you’re going to find.”

>After a moment of her digging through my mindscape she hums for a moment.

<“There. When you first ran into the Matango.”

>”Yeah?”

<“Your body was overheating and you became feverish.”

>”Yeah, I guess I did.”

<“That was your magical potential awakening inside you. Since then you have been absorbing mana from many sources.”

<“Through touch, through spores, through words, even through my being in your mind right now.”

>”So I’ve had magic all along?”

<“Don’t you remember that decanter you summoned water with?”

>”Yeah.”

<“You said it should only work once a day, but you managed to channel the mana you absorbed back into it and use it again.”

>”That’s… crazy!”

>”So I could become a real wizard?”

>Gaz nods.

>”I don’t suppose you could teach me?”

>She smiles, her yellow eyes glowing once again.

<“Mmm, a nutty flavor.”

>”Stop tasting my thoughts.”

<“No.”

<“That’s my price for teaching you.”

<“The most delicious thoughts are those of a busy mind, a learning mind.”

<“There’s no way I’m going to miss out on yours.”

<“Not when they are so sweet and succulent.”

<“It’s enough to drive a girl like me wild!”

>”Alright, alright, enough of your flavor fetish! I want to start learning!”

>Gaz gives a pleasurable hum before nodding.

>If her eyes weren’t glowing I’d have no idea that she was collecting her payment already.

<“Very well, let’s begin.”

More later

let's see

Rolled 2, 1, 6 = 9 (3d7)

Keep on Rollin…

Rolled 4, 3, 5 = 12 (3d7)

….Guess I'm gonna be stuck with a bunch of horny-proto mermaids

Rolled 1, 7, 2 = 10 (3d7)

Bless me RNG Gods…

Great. Stuck on a rape island in the future. MG Horizon Zero Dawn here I come

Rolled 2, 2, 1 = 5 (3d7)

Rolling, kinda hoping for frozen wasteland

Rolled 7, 3, 7 = 17 (3d7)

>>392780

>underwater cave

>ancient era

>lonely girls

Well at least there's a modicum of civilization. Assuming that the cave network leads to the greater sea, I'll probably try to establish some good relations with the sea mgs, maybe become a mushroom harvester or something as a profession, as I can go where a mermaid can't. also hopefully I can locate a sea bishop waifu

OP seems to have implied some spooky shit in the deeper cave, which I assume means eldritch shit. I'll probably keep my distance then, as I'd really prefer to not get mindflayed or driven insane by a shoggoth. Once I have a proper wife, then I think I will feel relatively safe to contact whatever horrors are down there. Then again, I did get the lonely crystal, so they might not be averse to sharing. Still, an alliance might prove useful, and their eldritch knowledge could be pretty good to advance our tech.

Rolled 7, 1, 4 = 12 (3d7)

Rollan.

Rolled 4, 3, 6 = 13 (3d7)

>>392811

Dinosaur mountain villages soon, neato.

Rolled 7, 2, 3 = 12 (3d7)

Rollan for muh buddy

Rolled 1, 6, 7 = 14 (3d7)

>>392827

also rollan for other buddy

Rolled 2, 3, 6 = 11 (3d7)

Alright

Let's see…

>>397130

Can't fucking remember how to sage and roll at the same time. Let's see if this works.

>>397131

Come on.

>>397133

Please. I don't want to embarrass myself anymore.

>>397135

>>397138

I cannot remember for the life of me. If I don't get it now, I'm just going to stop trying.

>>397139

Go back to cuckchannel already.

Rolled 7, 1, 1 = 9 (3d7)

Rerolling to rub salt in >>397139 's wounds

>>397141

>Prehistoric mountains full of lonely girls

Neat. No harems though, that would be immoral.

>>397142

And just leave all those girls feeling lonely?