/christianity/ - Christian Theology & Philosophy

A Dominican and a Franciscan both die and go to heaven. Standing before the pearly gates St Peter checks his list and says "Ah here you are! Let me go make sure your accommodations are ready."

Then, all of a sudden, choirs start singing and angles come out and the saints start chanting the Dominicans name. Saint Thomas Aquinas, St Dominic and the Virgin Mary herself greet the Dominican on a cloud and say "come brother, let us take you to our lord" and the Dominican flies off on a cloud with them

The Franciscan is left dumbstruck and wonders in anticipation which saints will come to meet him! So he sits there and he waits… and waits… and a few hours go by and he gets impatient when suddenly a friar comes and finds him

"Oh you're still here? come on come on…" and takes him through the gates and the Franciscan asks "wait which saints would greet me? I was expecting Francis and Anthony and Bonaventure!" and the friar sighs "Ugh, you're a Franciscan we've got hundreds of you in heaven, it's not everyday you get a Dominican!"

Seriously someone explain these jokes. I usually can understand jokes even if I don't get them but I'm completely drawing a blank here.

>>11221

The joke is that dominicans don't usually go to heaven

A Franciscan and a Jesuit were arguing about whether the Franciscans or the Jesuits were more favored by God. Finally, they decided that the only one who could settle the matter was God. So they prayed, the heavens opened up, and a piece of paper came fluttering down. When they picked it up, this is what it said,

My children,

Please stop quarreling about such absurd and trivial matters.

Sincerely,

God, O.P.

>>10447

Will do and for all of us who stray from God's path

>>3945

Please pray for my friends leaving Mormonism, i want them free…

i'll pray for you, God will help you.>>3945

If there's anyone here, please pray for me. I'm having trouble finding a job and it's driving me crazy.

>>11305

Praying for you

>>7683

Are you defining "answer prayers" to mean "give you what you ask for regardless of the request"?

>>7685

No, there is God's will to take into account as well, and clearly some requests/prayers are not helpful.

>>7501

https://www.eventhubs.com/news/2019/nov/06/terry-bogard-now-available-super-smash-bros-ultimate/

>>7501

yeah because jebus is more of a tekken guy

>>7638

>>7644

Incorrect, you can ask God what you want. Whether he gives it or not is not you to decide

>>7501

No, it's not. even Jesus ask silly things like delivered from the cross.

>>7638

Well, it's not like asking them to sin or anything. According to how Jesus gather his disciples, maybe God will show them some signs/ideas to put it in motion.

>>11244

>c-catholics had it bad too

lel, maybe you should go back?

>>11246

Yeah, there is this fringe group of blacks who believe God is a black woman, they have YT videos and the reasons and studied backing why they believe this are silly. It's as amusing as the people who worship google.

>>11246

it's pretty amusing.

>>11259

I guarantee you that guy just wants to have sex with his mother. Pretty gross and sad.

>>11073

>prophet

Congratulations Mohammad you got yourself caught. What's the next part of your master plan?

At the right hand of the Father.

Keep in mind from genesis to Jesus being born was 4000 years. We may only be half way there. -.-

>>11073

Spotted the jew

Of the 500 or so people who claimed to see Jesus risen from the dead, the vast majoirty of them went to their bloody deaths refusing to renounce Him? People aren't willing to die for something they know is a lie, and hallunciation could only explain a few. Even then it would be debatable because people cannot share hallucinations.

>but some of them did renounce

A very small minority yes, it's more likely that they were lying to avoid punishment then that the majority were lying to receive punishment.

Many people have actually died for a lie. But no one dies for what they know is a lie. If the disciples stole the body of Jesus, then claimed he rose from the dead, they suffered and died for what they knew was a lie.

sage and hide

>>11137

She have a thigh tattoo like OP?

>>11137

God she looks like an ugly mongrel.

>>11176

>she

That's obviously a man

It's been a wild ride, switched denominations and it's a big change though I'm extremely contented. How about you brother?

I’ve been thinking about going the non denominational route.

Don’t get me wrong brothers, I think there is usually great wisdom in the old adage that “you should grow where you’re planted” and I have no problems with the protestant Lutheran church I was raised in but I’ve simply come to believe over time that denominationalism simply does not matter in the big picture.

Loving one another and having faith in our lord and savior Jesus Christ and asking him for forgiveness of our sins is really all thats required but to each their own.

Perhaps the lord calls others to be a part of this denomination or that because something about that particular way of doung things best aids a specific person in their individual spiritual growth.

After all as much as we are all alike as human beings we are all still very different in personality and temperament.

>>11238

If it didn't mean anything to be associated with a denomination then you wouldn't be deciding to leave the one you're coming from

I think non-denom churches are just fine and have been part of a few myself, but if we're honest with ourselves anything we articulate in theology has probably already been said before so you're in line with someone (Baptist ecclesiology, Lutheran soteriology etc)

There is great value in identifying with a historic tradition in particular but at any place and at any time it's definitely possible that non associating is better

>>11238

The important thing is being saved - everything else comes after. I'd always suggest people belong to a God-fearing Bible-believing Baptist church but you could attend every service in such a church and remain unsaved. Denomination always comes a distant, distant second to accepting your salvation in Christ.

>>10902

>That's not what your verse is saying they're doing

Yes it is.

>"Crying unto God" can be done by anything that can make sound

If you could interpret a translation in multiple ways, you look at the original text for clarity instead of simply interpreting the translation to fit your preconceived idea of what it should mean. KJV is poor on this phrase, it should say "call" not "cry". The word is qara, it means to call, to name, to speak out, to read aloud. It is used 734 times in the bible, and only ever used in the context of speech or names. Like "And God called the light Day and the darkness he called Night" or "And Adam called his wife's name" or "And she called the name of the LORD". It is never used in the context of an animal making a normal animal sound.

>>10906

>>bu-but even fedoras use my arguments!

That's not what I said. Try reading.

>thinks animal overpopulation is "bizarre" and only makes sense when applied to humans

It does not say they will be overpopulated, it says they will be too many for us to deal with. Your examples are literally populations we can deal with, none of those pose any threat to us at all. And again, it says beasts of the field, not wild animals. What beast of the field could become too numerous for us to deal with? Do you think cows or horses can breed to the point of becoming a threat to us?

>Because I'm starting to think only a beast could be low IQ enough to produce posts like yours.

If my posts are so stupid, why are you incapable of a rebuttal? You failed to rebut the beasts calling to the Lord, you ignored the beasts wearing sack cloth, you ignored the beasts having hands, you ignored the beasts of the field eating grapes and olives, and you have presented absolutely no scripture to support your belief that negroes are of Adam.

Skin idolators.

Hittites were not indo-european. They are Canaanites Ham's children who occupied Anatolia and fought Ramses the 2nd at the battle of Kadesh.

Why people say they are indo-european?

Someone needs to make a thread on this topic.

>>11204

Strawman

>>11131

Then why does Jesus and paul and james always talk about avoiding sin? If it doesnt even matter, why bother.

>>11141

If you are indeed so begrudging in obeying God that you would sin unrepentantly if He showed mercy, then you should ask yourself, "have I ever met Christ?"

>>11143

You do realize how scary this idea that we are saved only by faith is right? Imagine, if right before you die, your faith quivers. You second guess. God will have no mercy on you. He will not see that for your whole life since baptism you have tried and tried to be a good christian. Tried to avoid sin, and when you commited it you repented. He will not see that you prayed to him every day. He will not see that you went to his church and recieved his sacraments. He will just go "beep boop, sola fide, you're in hell now" because your faith wasnt at 100% at your time of death.

>>11147

>You do realize how scary this idea that we are saved only by faith is right?

I realize that divine truth is often very scary to the unregenerate heart.

>Imagine, if right before you die, your faith quivers. You second guess

I'm not relying on my self, I don't have to "do" anything. Christ is the ground of my hope and assurance, He props me up and justifies my name.

>He will not see that for your whole life since baptism you have tried and tried to be a good christian. Tried to avoid sin, and when you commited it you repented. He will not see that you prayed to him every day. He will not see that you went to his church and recieved his sacraments.

He will see all, and He will look at all your trying, and it will not be good enough. Because while you tried, you also failed, yet it is not the hearers of the law who are righteous before God, but the doers of the law who will be justified. You think it's good enough that tried? Does this excuse your bad behavior, does it justify your sin? Cursed be everyone who does not abide by all things written in the Book of the Law, and do them. Are you a righteous man? Have you actually kept the law? Do you pretend to be holy as God is holy? He will see that you have done those things, and He will also see that you withheld when you should have given, you boasted when you should have humbled yourself, you indulged in the flesh when you should have remained pure, you lied when you should have spoken truth, you kept silent when you should have prayed. Every idle word shall be held against you. Have you not missed the mark?

Now I am not more righteous than you, I am probably much worse. I am a chief of sinners, I commit abominations every day. God's standard is absolute perfection, because He is absolutely perfect, and He expects it of every one. Am I perfect? No, but Jesus Christ is, and because I trusted Him and relied on Him, I extended an empty hand while I fell, he has given this righteousness to me. Galatians 3:7-14

<Know then that it is those of faith who are the sons of Abraham. And the Scripture, foreseeing that God would justPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>11153

God's mercy and our faith fill the gaps that our works do not fill

https://blog.cloudflare.com/terminating-service-for-8chan/

F

>>11168

Kikeflare

>>11160

You /pol/tards really are utter demonic. It's amazing how you guys will wrap yourselves in a veil of Christianity while supporting the most heinous acts imaginable. Are you actually a Christian, or is Christianity just something you claim to believe in in order to gain tradicool points?

>No he didn't.

He absolutely did. Thankfully, some random aut-right faggot doesn't get to determine if the killings are lawful or not.

1) I know that people like you don't even pretend to care about nonwhites, but he did murder a few white people.

2) Hispanics can become legal American citizens.

3) Mexicans who live in Juarez like to go shopping in El Paso because prices tend to be cheaper. El Paso and Juarez are basically the same city.

4) >>11167 Hispanics have been living there since before it was even a state.

Good knowing you guys.

>>11174

CloudFlare is not the only game in town.

>>11159

When did he go to the satanic temple?

>>11157

why do you think i'm here retard

(hint: starts with a b and ends with anned)

>>11162

Excommunicated eh? Tough break

>>11162

Then get with the program and put in more effort. Put forth an argument when you make such an assertion, and do so when it's actually relevant to the thread.

>>11164

good idea

Calvinist master race reporting in.

As a mod I'd probably end up doing almost nothing unless I happen to be browsing and see someone is spamming or that porn is being posted in which case I'd spoiler it or delete it and give like a 15 minute ban or whatever is suitable to make them stop trying to attack the board from the current IP they're using (I like to keep bans as short as possible). I hate heavy-handedness and believe in trying to reason with people to change their behavior rather than provoking them to further outrage by flexing on them.

I can create stickers for this board and advertise it around as well but I'll only do it if I believe it it's a true free speech board.

Right now I do stickers for >>>/pol/, the hundred handers group, and for >>>/fringe/.

8Stickers@pm.me if you want me as a mod. As said I probably will be a very inactive mod but at least you can count on me not to do stupid shit.

>>9977

Whether you carry the title "Christian" or not doesn't matter. God chooses his elect whom he saves on his own terms according to his own wisdom and sovereignty. One who loves god and is drawn to him will want to know him and to develop a doctrine but ultimately one will understand that as a man they are fallible and that they must simply love god with all their heart (Mark 12:30) and lean not on their own understanding like the Bible teaches in Proverbs 3:5.

>>10953

You should absolutely make stickers, and you can see from the log and rules this is a true free speech board

>>10953

>and for >>>/fringe/.

With all due respect: if you are a Christian, why are you making stickers to promote fringe?

Check em

>>11019

Prayer in the bible is to the Lord, not to dead people.

>>11016

>sending our thoughts

Are these Atheist prayers?

Prayers for the families, friends and others who knew the victims, as well as first responders and any other bystanders who may have been affected by the event, and need God's infinite mercy and compassion, and comfort; and that they may ultimately be drawn to Him if they are lost, or are drawn to an even closer relationship and stronger faith if they are already in Him.

>>11129

thank you, that helps a lot. Some people just do nothing. Not sure how they live with themselves

>>11110

i don't know but i do know this guy >>11111 stole your trips