It looks interesting but the English is plain. You could easily expand what you have. I do like your to-the-point first sentence though, it is a bit grabbing. Maybe what you have written works out better than going large, but I wrote an example below on something like the way I would write it to show you ways you can expand the descriptions. Some people may yell at me and say “some descriptions aren’t important” so maybe I’m just being autistic by wanting to know the geology of Amoi. I’m not even from /lit/ and I have only read a few fiction stories in my life so don’t take my opinion seriously.
Barren and inhospitable was the nature of this planet, which was more distant away from its parent star compared to its sibling worlds, as this was the twelfth planet away from its host. But even here on this inhospitable planet, humans would come to defy its rules and make it hospitable by claiming it as their home, and this planet would be called Amoi. Looking down on Amoi during its nighttime, you would see a small cluster of glowing lights, spread out like a creeping fluorescent fungus on the underside of a stone. There are only three cities on Amoi as this planet was only recently colonized, all of which neighbor each other. One city was the planet’s capital, named Tanagura. Tugging on the side of Tanagura like a satellite’s relentless gravitational pull was an urban city named Midas, and Midas shined most brightly at night compared to the other two cities. The third city was named Ceres, an autonomous sector, and its nightly glow appeared in the form of mere specks, far and few between.
In the dim city of Ceres, there were slums that hid in the shadow of Midas city. This crevice between two cities, on a planet far off from the rest of humanity, would be where one of many men and women would be raised in. This young man appeared like his natural environment, with dark hair and black clothing. His dark clothing was casual as well and didn’t stand out, but in this case, that’s exactly what he wanted. Perched on the top of building’s rooftop, he blended in with his surroundings like the way a gargoyle becomes one with a cathedral, and he looked outward with a fixed gaze. The only thing between his eyes and the city below were the crosshairs of his sniper rifle. He was contracted to assassinate a foreign diplomat, and just the merPost too long. Click here to view the full text.
