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/lit/ - Literature

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Excelsior!

Sister site: [Fan-fiction]

File: 0272bcaa498f260⋯.jpg (49.89 KB,768x512,3:2,GettyImages-530612300-5ae6….jpg)

 No.16713 [Open thread]

i m a 19 year old boy. i have read dostoevsky, Jack London, Maupassant and bunch of other good writers. I have a fairly good taste in music ( at least I think so). I am a NEET. I really want to be a singer and a writer. I,m broke, I can,t find a job, I don,t even have a penny. I can,t even tell my parents what I want because I,m afraid they won,t understand. Plus I,m super introverted, i don,t like seeing or meeting people. I don,t know what to do. Give me some advice for gods sake so, I won,t kill myself. I don,t wanna die!!!

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 No.16715

I'd start by not visiting anonymous imageboards tbqh.

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 No.16716

Make a living off a patreon for erotic sonic fanfiction.

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 No.16718

>>16715

top it off by stop using the internet all together.

might be tough as shit, but it will probably be for the best

do you want to write and sing?

ready, set, go

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 No.16764

File: 04b9605c0429a2c⋯.jpg (28.68 KB,261x382,261:382,CityofNightRechy.jpg)

hmmmm if you're serious about some creative endeavour, young man, particularly writing - and you are on a literature board here - you're going to need some experience in life to convey. Solipsism has been bashed to death.

have you thought of becoming a toyboy? If you appeal to a cultured independent gentleman, you may find a lot of support to pull yourself up by the bootstraps. Rechy's City of Night is a good place to start.

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File: 3392cab88a3049a⋯.jpg (1.03 MB,2907x2029,2907:2029,1551394517057.jpg)

File: a54d3a2033d0510⋯.jpg (113.44 KB,429x640,429:640,Coming_South_(AWM_ARTV0922….jpg)

 No.16022 [Open thread]

How would I go write an alternate history novel about ethnic Europeans living under fascism, specifically under a victorious Imperial Japan in former Australia?

I've already got a vague idea of some of it, just wondering what lit could contribute.

> Europeans live at the bottom of the racial hierarchy "lower than chankoro"

> Europeans live inside ghettos, ramshackle and overcrowded. If they go outside the ghettos they are expected to be deferential to the Japanese colonisers and their second-class Korean and Japanese subjects. There are frequent lynchings of Europeans from Eucalyptus trees which the Japanese regularly ignore, alongside pogroms.

> Patrols of IJA often kidnap and whisk away European women who are never seen again or otherwise return brutalised and traumatised.

>The Japanese Empire is locked in a Cold War with the Third Reich which is about to go hot. The war will become a WWI style stalemate.

> Third Reich affiliated rebels constantly try to overthrow Japanese rule on the continent, only to be defeated and experimented on by unit 731. The only meaningful resistance is a couple of disparate communist cells which bide their time.

> The Japanese constantly bait their Chinese and Korean and other Asiatic subjects against the Europeans to keep them divided. The Chinese and Koreans don't have it much better than the Europeans, considered inferior to the Japanese.

> Karl Marx's memory and legacy is demonized as an evil white subversive who wishes to overthrow rightful Yamato supremacy over inferior Europeans. "Cultural Marxism" is a Japanese conspiracy theory about Europeans trying to corrupt "beautiful Asiatic souls" into joining with Europeans against "wise Japanese stewardship" . IJA propaganda constantly harps on about how "White Marxists" want "Yamato Genocide".

> Our protagonist, An "honorary Yamato" university student of indeterminate race who lives near the ghetto becomes fascinated with the white commies.

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 No.16059

You could start by writing a page.

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 No.16701

karl marx was a jew

your a fucking idiot who shouldn't be writing anything if you don't know about jews and your on this website

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 No.16752

File: c16bb2e0e342d37⋯.png (274.81 KB,359x400,359:400,ClipboardImage.png)

Sounds fascinating. Set up seems like Naughts and Crosses (alternate world when West African treasure ships arrived in Europe 3000 years ago and Europe is ruled by people of African descent).

I have some tips:

> Set it in the future

>Cyberpunk tech: genetic testing, surveillance, micro-chipping whites

>Eroticism (particularly BDSM race-play)

>Have it character driven rather than plot driven

>Larger events in this would could be revealed either in the form of news broadcasts and conversations

>Re latter, have differing accounts as the agenda of the government changes

>Drop the communism aspect and replace it with liberalism or social democracy

Also, I would suggest:

>Reading other books of this genre

>Reading the blogs of your favourite authors as well as 'making of' books

>Read the book pictured

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File: 5a34cb196f6d840⋯.png (204.31 KB,250x365,50:73,ClipboardImage.png)

 No.16679 [Open thread]

I barely remember these (In-fact, I'm not sure I've ever read them). Were they any good, even considering the target audience?

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 No.16705

>>16679

they were pretty good, as the target audience at the time. Applegate got away with a lot of crazy, fucked-up shit

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 No.16731

>>16705

> Applegate got away with a lot of crazy, fucked-up shit

like?

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File: 9d7d842d292076d⋯.png (3.99 MB,1920x1080,16:9,Kemonozume.E12.Coffe.Flavo….png)

 No.16333 [Open thread]

Well?

21 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click [Open thread] to view. ____________________________
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 No.16714

File: a3197c61a286ad3⋯.jpg (315.74 KB,720x2277,80:253,lits self study guide.jpg)

>>16712

Okay. Finished.

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 No.16717

File: 7f8b18d97a7f8c5⋯.jpg (292.38 KB,720x2277,80:253,lit guide autodidact.jpg)

I've transcended my ignorance. Here is your complimentary suppository.

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 No.16720

>>16688

>>16712

>>16714

>>16717

Thanks for these.

Any more suggestions on materials and techniques to improve reading ability, comprehension and thinking skills? What about improving the functioning of the brain on a physiological level?

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 No.16724

>>16333

why did you drop out

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 No.16725

>>16720

Warning: Ccru is a meme addition so I might replace it with Jussim's "Social Perception Social Reality: Why Accuracy Dominates Bias and Self-Fulfilling Prophecy".

If you want brain control you need to study philosophy, mathematics and computer science. Then 'games' as in puzzles from the perspective of game theory or mathematics/computer science and try to see if anything has any relevance to philosophical topics or whether it poses unique philosophical questions (possibly with corresponding answer(s) ). Social interaction or the addition of the social element to anything is often composed of many many games you can dominate or master, so dominating the 'social sphere' or any sphere where the social has an impact will definitely improve your cognitive power.

Reaching for the squishier side of things you get neuroscience or cognitive biology often with a mathematical/game theory and computer science lens. There's also nootropics, and a broad body of medical literature for various dietary aids to boosting cognitive ability, and the various physical practices that boost cognitive ability (such as meditation – specifically breath-focus meditation).

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File: 3c409f3d0fb1f90⋯.jpg (12.03 KB,250x300,5:6,87984-004-5ADE9ACA.jpg)

 No.15479 [Open thread]

Mine's Existentialist Aristotelianism

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 No.16425

p-bump

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 No.16452

>>16420

>Pretentiousism

interesting

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 No.16498

>>16424

Just read every philosopher's works in chronological order dipshit.

https://www.albumangelorum.com

>>15485

Were you raped? My condolences.

>>15487

So you're the architect of your own being. Are you OCD and accomplish very little in general, and maybe some highly specific but critically flawed or deficient achievements? Are you the "I COULD but I DON'T" type? Are all your experience points spent on this philosophy? Did you make a terrible mistake in following through on this character idea? Should we reroll?

>>15488

So when do you autism and when do you don't? Does your autism seek redemption from its Evolian hell; is this the struggle that gives your life meaning? Is all redemption incomplete, illusory and self-deceiving, and thus you must reduce yourself to your most autistic evolianism, to start over again from scratch, to map hell to earth in completeness? Will you then transcend up to a comfortable purgatory and become an Egoistic Hermeticist with Stoic elements that believes that objects partake in irreducible Platonic concepts in order to gain "being"?

>>15493

Is this Evolian Autism?

>>15494

An absolute egoic joker and provocateur (madlad)?

>>15503

ThPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

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 No.16698

>>16498

>Were you raped? My condolences

Fucking KEK

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 No.16709

This thread is fucking ridiculous. Watching you people name your philosophies islike watching /leftypol/tards declare themselves "stirnerite maoist-marxists with a hint of esoteric hoxhaism," or watching tumblrites demand you recognize their identities as "otherkin(fairy) genderqueer trans-turtle demiamorous asexuals with headmates." Get a fucking grip; you're not special for making up excessively long snowflake labels.

Diogenic Catholic pessimist with a pinch Chestertonian distributism here btw.

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File: 05ba5ce93eea487⋯.jpeg (148.87 KB,714x960,119:160,Malekith.jpeg)

 No.16495 [Open thread]

What you've been reading while 8chan was down?

I managed to finish some books from warhammer's time of legend series, all of the Nagash and vampire related ones. Had a lot of fun with that. Stuck on elves though, because they are kind of vomit inducing at times, but I'll eventually manage whole thing.

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 No.16626

>>16625

>lit bunker

wat?

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 No.16629

>>16626

Look at the top of the page where it says board bunker lmfao.

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 No.16630

>Are there plans to give this bunker exposure?

>>16625

>>16626

>>16629

Greetings and happy holidays!

There is only the .onion for now. I have no plans to give the bunker exposure, outside of the link here (and on the fan-fic site? Whoot! Thank you.), but feel free to make use of it. I'll make a note in the bunker it's for fan-fic as well. I've been dithering around with the idea of nabbing a cheap .xyz domain to do this properly and in complete. However, nota bene, I have no intentions to either compete with 8kun, nor steal traffic, nor relocate the board. There are three ideas behind the bunker:

1. I've been meaning to familiarize myself with the Lynxchan application blob. Nothing like learning by doing.

2. I've been meaning to try running an .onion service.

3. More importantly, duing the 8chan downtime, I tried to float the idea of a bunker for 8chan /lit/ across several worthy sites. I was severely rebuffed with much hostility. This caught me by surprise. Perhaps it should not have. I promised myself this would be the first thing I would fix if 8chan ever came back.

I've been meaning to do a write up of my impressions on the whole downtime saga, along with Fred's crusade. It might be better to let that all die and move on. We'll see.

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 No.16660

>>16630

>I've been meaning to do a write up of my impressions on the whole downtime saga, along with Fred's crusade. It might be better to let that all die and move on. We'll see.

Are you still working on that? Would you like that published in /v/'s zine?

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 No.16704

File: 11b34afda04a632⋯.jpg (14.83 KB,258x400,129:200,461595.jpg)

File: 3eb2975646863b5⋯.jpg (428.26 KB,1684x2560,421:640,81tw UwSMhL.jpg)

read dark nature, cool stuff about genetics, but some stuff was outdated or not thought out fully. One thing i find it funny that the author literally, and i mean literally, thinks convergent evolution is a meme.

Also read ian c esslemont's new malazan trilogy. Was good, but he just doesnt compare to erik. Plus the third book was a little lame

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File: 1fa5f3edef76c59⋯.jpeg (92.5 KB,841x525,841:525,start with the greeks.jpeg)

 No.16609 [Open thread]

What the FUCK is this?

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 No.16618

Start with the ancient Paleo cave societies you tard. The Egyptian were just regurgitating things from the previous 8,000 years.

t. Paleontologist.

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 No.16671

>>16609

Why not start with the Sumerians?

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 No.16674

File: aaa0a5684c85a32⋯.jpg (1.78 MB,3000x3868,750:967,Begin_bronze_age_v2.jpg)

>>16671

Start with the bronze age folks

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 No.16699

>>16609

>>16615

>was pretty different from the Greek way of thinking. Egypt always sort of trended toward a sort of quasi-monotheism. Obviously there's the well-known example of the Aten controversy, but even before that it was common for Egyptian thinkers to claim that all of the important gods were just aspects of Ra,

this is really really bad and outdated education from some hippie faggot whos probably being used as a puppet with this kind of shit intellect

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 No.16700

>>16618

no writing

fucking nigger

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File: cdecce8d34e51be⋯.jpg (82.58 KB,1024x743,1024:743,Oi! Where mah Kindle?.jpg)

 No.14818 [Open thread]

https://www.theparisreview.org/blog/2018/08/27/is-literature-dead/

>I knew I wanted to be a writer, had begun to read with an eye toward how a book or story was built, and if this was what it took, this overriding sense of consciousness, then I would never be smart enough.

>Now, I recognize this as one of the fallacies of teaching literature in the classroom, the need to seek a reckoning with everything, to imagine a framework, a rubric, in which each little piece makes sense. Literature—at least the literature to which I respond—doesn’t work that way; it is conscious, yes, but with room for serendipity, a delicate balance between craft and art.

>That kind of writing, though, is difficult to teach, leaving us with scansion, annotation, all that sound and fury, a buzz of explication that obscures the elusive heartbeat of a book.

Gore Vidal would now butt in to congratulate English professors for a job well done. Anyway, I won't reproduce the whole essay here. Go have a look for yourself.

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 No.14832

File: 48ee385d41d8387⋯.jpg (33.54 KB,350x401,350:401,ffs2.jpg)

>>14818

>expecting me to read shit

>"… the key to Common Sense is the elegance of its argument, the way it balances polemic and persuasion, addressing those on both sides of the independence issue, always careful to seek common ground. Yet equally important is the speed and fragmentation of our public conversation, which quickly moved along to Swift Boats and other issues, leaving [Michael] Moore behind. By November, Fahrenheit 9/11 was little more than an afterthought, and six years later, if we remember it at all, it’s as a dated artifact, a project whose shelf life did not even last as long as the election it sought to change.

>

>''"This, in an elliptical way, is what Noah [who asserted literature is dead] was getting at. How do things stick to us in a culture where information and ideas are up so quickly that we have no time to assess one before another takes its place? How does reading maintain its hold on our imagination, or is that question even worth asking anymore?"

>give me the takeaway because the intro just seems pretentious and dull

>“This is why reading is over. None of my friends like it. Nobody wants to do it anymore.”

Basically, reading is too boring for kids today, so no one does it, so the artform is "dead". The author just accepts this, sighs, and writes an essay of his son's bleating.

>implying one kid and his friends are indicative of an entire demographic

>turning an argument with your son into a high-brow literary essay

what a pretentious wanker.

This wasn't even worth my scanning-read.

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 No.14833

File: e5ad9de950fe9ea⋯.jpg (68.41 KB,465x540,31:36,rick-wink-this-guy-gets-it.jpg)

>>14826

>"Who can see the barely perceptible line between the man who can not read at all and the man who does not read at all? The literate who can, but does not, read, and the illiterate who neither does nor can?"

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 No.14843

>>14824

I almost never liked reading books in school. It wasn't till 12th grade when I was allowed to pick whatever I wanted to read did I start to really enjoy it. I've liked reading since then even if I don't really read all the time.

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 No.16696

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 No.16697

>I knew I wanted to be a writer, had begun to read with an eye toward how a book or story was built, and if this was what it took, this overriding sense of consciousness, then I would never be smart enough.

This guy is a special kind of idiot. Reading literature doesn't make one smart, nor does writing a story. Often times, writer don't have real experience in the fields or professions they are portraying in their stories.

It takes creativity and imagination. Anyone who has a story can put it in whatever medium they see fit whether it's comics, video games, or animation. However, not everyone has illustrative or programming talent to make those, which makes literature the medium taught in school as language is a skill available to most to express themselves. Additionally, it doesn't take a gorillion dollar budget or a team of underpaid third world animators to make a good book like it does for video games, film, and animation.

Every medium has its constraints, what's left ambiguous and left to reader interpretation, including said high school teacher when discussing Lord of the Flies. Just like how my literature teacher couldn't stop seeing every book through feminist lenses and going like "SEE THAT'S THE PROBLEM THAT PARALLELS OUR SOCIETY".

Who in the fuck cares about the symbolism, rhythm, metaphor, and prose in your hypothetical book when you didn't even get a basic Dragonball Z-tier plot going, Or who cares about your realistic military aircraft fighter novel when you spent the first 20 pages going on about your military tomboy waifu.

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File: d708a5a43762757⋯.png (229.07 KB,480x309,160:103,1_-_cover_large[1].png)

 No.12550 [Open thread]

Is it the pinnacle of literature?

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 No.15721

>>14285

A new issue was dropped the other day.

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 No.15724

sam hyde and his paid shills would rather make shill threads in random boards than make new content, really makes you think

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 No.15750

>>13882

it looks too hippie-ish by its cover art. Siege is blackpilled af and isn't a joke.

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 No.15756

>>15750

Siege is like those weird black shits you get from pepto-bismol

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 No.16670

>>15721

They also have print copies which are pretty cool

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File: e0fc4c230e0f495⋯.png (92.7 KB,699x463,699:463,PZJGE12.png)

 No.16526 [Open thread]

We live comfy thanks to technology, which grows more and more, covers wider and wider patches of our life with each year that passes by; and obviously, people's way of seeing life changes with this cybernetic development.

Considering that in no time we will be entering into the robotic era already, what's your opinion about Literature's future? Do you see a bright future ahead for it? Are books going to die? Will Literature cease to exist at some point?

(pic unrelated)

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 No.16649

I remember reading an article - I can't find it now - that said the authority of the classical literary canon was a byproduct of the authority of Christianity. People who found no compelling reason to believe in Christian dogma also found no compelling reason to read a certain list of great books representing the best that had been thought and said.

I think there is truth in this. The early Christian thinkers - Augustine. Boethius, etc. - had a deep love of the Greco-Roman classics and this carried over into the Middle Ages and Renaissance. The conservative Christian writer Rod Dreher has his children enrolled in a "classical Christian" school, whose curriculum is based on Christian teaching and the Great Books. The Western canon is not exclusively Christian, but you could say it is dialogue with Christianity.

Mass literacy itself is a byproduct of Protestant Christianity. The original reason for wanting everyone to be able to read was so that everyone could read the Bible for themselves. Then literacy - in the sense of knowledge of the three Rs - became necessary for the functioning of an industrial society. But maybe a literate working class is no longer thought to be needed.

I remember William Gibson, lecturing in Rochester in the 1980's, saying in his languid Virginia drawl that in the future, literacy would become a specialty, like coding - not a skill that everybody had or needed to have.

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 No.16650

>>16649

I agree with some of what you say here. Rubenstein's _Aristotle's_Children_ describes a similar relationship between the Church and the Greek and Roman classics. My relatively benign current view of religion went the other way: from the classics to a guarded sympathy with the Church.

Right now I'm reading Shlomo Sands' _Invention_of_the_Jewish_People_, and even the first few pages of front matter in Sands are mind-blowing. His compelling thesis is that there has NOT been an unbroken Jewish culture, let alone a constant Jewish biological "race" with common DNA running from the days of the Biblical account of Abraham and Moses and David and all the rest (most of which never happened anyway) right up to the inhabitants of today's Tel Aviv. If anything, some Arab Israeli dude walking around today in Hebron is probably closer, genetically, to King David than is Benjamin Netanyahu. For centuries, Judaism, before it got crushed by Christianity and Islam, was a proselytizing religion, and the once populous Jewish world of Eastern Europe was made up of descendants of the broken-up kingdom of the Khazars, Jewish converts.

But Sands points out in his first pages that "nationalism" and even "nations" in the modern sense don't really predate mass education and mass literacy. Back in medieval France, let's say, some dude in what is now Lyon didn't know he was "French." Sands' scholarly example: in the kingdom of the Maccabees, the rulers spoke Aramaic, the masses various Hebrew dialects, and the merchants in the cities did their business in the Greek koine – no "nation" there.

Sands draws on Benedict Anderson, who demonstrated that "nations" are imaginary constructs ("consensual hallucinations," to adapt Gibson's description of cyberspace). AND on Ernest Gellner, who argues that "nationalism," which presupposes literacy, creates "nations" – rather than the other way around.

These are fertile concepts. Sands' analysis makes a strong case that an American civil religion (Jefferson, Lincoln, MLK, & maybe even proto-Greenie Thoreau) could persist in a browner nation. It also providPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

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 No.16659

>>16646

I'm somewhat in the same position as you, but probably slightly more strangling since I'm writing fanfiction that doesn't retcon a well-done tragic ending that is unpopular in the fandom.

>Publishers are a market where, like any other, advertising and money dominate in distribution and consumption. It doesn't matter if you are good, what matters is that you have a known name and money to put it in the bookstore's windows.

>"writers' social networks", that work the same way as other social networks, where fame and followers define who gets read and gets attention, regardless the quality

You're right in that it's not actually about quality, merit, or creativity as it is about popularity. The game in social media, and probably not at all different from the times before then was about joining and participating in a "community". For example, easily, fanfiction writers in a fandom: if you joined the "main" Discord, Livejournal circle, you get higher views and ratings than those who don't. It's easily observable that someone who's connected can get 500 views per 300 words despite poor editing or relative low amount of content.

The same goes for writing and book clubs in real life, or your college writing class. I don't think the case is all that different for times before social media, e.g if you ever had that "this <book/film/game/album> isn't all that great even though its popular" moment.

As an added note, I have literally read published fanfiction that had a print run that used "-sama" and Japanese honorifics in the text. It really read like complete cringe despite the praise it gets. The characters were also out-of-character, but the author was well known enough in the fandom to have gone that far.

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 No.16662

>>16633

lol

>>16649

Interesting thought, Anon.

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 No.16668

File: 58abffd51e1c840⋯.png (104.43 KB,773x805,773:805,67lma7hex6r21.png)

If these are the people in charge of it, literature ending is only for the best.

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File: 4fd8cc39e2dfa15⋯.jpg (50.59 KB,404x303,4:3,The-Kurgan.jpg)

 No.14351 [Open thread]

Irruption. Like I get it, by definition it's a gradient of eruption, but every time I read it I can't help but think "eruption" and why didn't they use "eruption" here and then I think about volcanoes and lose track of what I was reading in the first place.

your turn

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 No.16653

>>15612

THIS.

And unnecessary suffixes-in-general. "Orientate" to mean orient. "Pretentiousness" to mean pretense. Etc.

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 No.16654

"Gift" used as an infinitive or present-tense verb.

I GAVE my nephew a shirt for Christmas, I didn't "gift" it. Fucking hell. I swear.

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 No.16658

I hate intentionally misspelled words. I get it, it's intentional, but it's annoying to read.

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 No.16664

>>15612

I used to say electronical and thought it was an actual word. Fishes really bothers me. I know it's a proper word and all. If a cow was called a cows would cowses be the right plural? Doesn't a contextually placed apostrophe suffice?

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 No.16665

>>16664

Fishes refers to multiple types of fish, not to multiple fish. The parrotfish, the catfish, and the dogfish are fishes, but three goldfish are just fish.

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File: 9166dcc72fe8691⋯.jpg (2.62 MB,1867x4048,1867:4048,American_lit_003b.jpg)

 No.15715 [Open thread]

What are some underrated/lesser known American writers? One of my favorite authors is Frank Norris, who while isn't completely obscure doesn't get much attention. The Octopus and McTeague are his best. Recommendations please.

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 No.15716

I never see anybody talk about Louis Auchincloss, who I've been on a major binge of recently. Great stuff.

I'll eternally shill Peter Matthiessen, who isn't particularly obscure but who also doesn't often make it into "best of" or "must read" lists

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 No.15719

>>15716

>Louis Auchincloss

Holy shit this dude wrote. Where do you even start with him?

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 No.15739

>>15719

I think "Confessions of a Jacobite" and "Diary of a Yuppie" are both excellent and quick reads.

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 No.16655

Christopher Isherwood (Prater Violet, and others).

I realize he was born British, but later became a US citizen.

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File: 6f4f6dc2cea48a3⋯.jpeg (481.96 KB,2444x3478,26:37,A3604A9D-AA56-4BA4-A9DF-1….jpeg)

 No.16628 [Open thread]

Is reading the light novels of Spice & Wolf worth it? I’m generally not into weeb shit but I just finished the anime and it’s driving me crazy how there isn’t a true ending.

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 No.16635

same man

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File: 8b55b33edefdc85⋯.jpg (283.3 KB,595x585,119:117,1570557667282.jpg)

 No.16531 [Open thread]

What do you think about this opening paragraph?

The night sky loomed oppressively over the city, blanketing it in darkness. Each star an eye watching all beneath it. There was no moon tonight, it was too scared to show its face to the cold and merciless night. Few lights not destroyed shoned damply letting small parts of the city be colored a mute yellow. Electricity was too costly for it to be shined any brighter. The air was not but dust and iron filling the lungs of the weak and sickly. The man wore a grey nylon poncho with a heavy air filter. His face covered by his hood. He took soft even steps walking through the city. His presence was left for brief fleeting moments throughout each street he crossed. He moved from building to building and street to street. Each street flowing to the next endlessly and each dark grey building no different from the last. After 16 blocks of walking he felt close to his prey. Only given a brief description and a name this was enough for the man to find his target. He was getting warmer and warmer with each step, creeping closer to the inevitable. Gunshots sing in the distance, the first movement of the night’s orchestra. Stopping briefly at a crossroads the man sees a pack of children half-naked carrying shanks, chains, and pipes. The man was staring at what would likely be the last generation of humans on this planet. They stared back meeting his cold sharp gaze with an equally cold sharp gaze. Orphan's all of them grew up on the streets. They knew not how to read or write, they couldn’t do math in their head or on paper, and they couldn’t tell you the history or future of the world. The language of violence is all the streets taught them and the language of violence is a zero sum game. You either take what you want and kill your enemies or you get taken from and die. The boys started to take steps closer to the man. He flashed his piece on his waist a hunk of cold iron and hot lead. The six shooter, a rare luxury that few possessed, caught the boys eyes and they scurried off into the alleys to look for weaker bodies. The man continued on slowly and methodically to his mark.

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 No.16587

File: 8b55b33edefdc85⋯.jpg (283.3 KB,595x585,119:117,1570557667282.jpg)

I've like the changes people made, something that bothered me with what I wrote was the clumsiness of some of the sentences.

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 No.16594

>>16587

Post your rewrite and part 2 of your intro.

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 No.16596

>>16594

busy the next two weeks so don't hold your breath about it

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 No.16605

>>16531

Not bad, but a bit wordy and you kind of made up a word or two (shoned?)

Here's my version:

The city was dark and dusty. A killer dressed in grey crept through its streets, stalking his target. A gunshot cracked in the distance and his focus narrowed on the task ahead. His heart beat louder and louder in his head with each step forward, edging closer to the climactic release of his trigger that pulsed in his right hand. Wretched, primitive street children scrambled across his path with their scrap metal toys clanging in the cold night, their faces black from the city air. The gang of half-naked youths took a few steps closer to the man with an inkling of an idea to beat him over the head and rifle through his pockets, but the six-shooter glinted in the yellow streetlight and the marauders scattered.

Gief feedback pls

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 No.16621

>>16605

"A gunshot cracked. . . .his focus narrowed" I'm not sure what focus narrowing looks like to you. Show what you mean instead. It's also strange that he is holding his gun out; says a lot about the character's impulsiveness or narrow focus, or how dangerous and criminal the place is. You should demonstrate or hint more; the character of the person more, or imbue into the narrative a narrow focus and adrenaline as if the mental state of the character is infecting it. There's no consistent "voice", if I'm using that concept correctly.

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 No.16600 [Open thread]

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