"You know what, I'd sure like to teach Topher a thing or two!" Scott snarled.
"I'm blown away by your enthusiasm, Scott. I know I've found my man. Hand in
your two weeks notice and we'll get started next Monday. Thank you so much for
this." Topher clapped his hands in delight. Feinstein was finished.
Scott retreated to the barcalounger. He never meant to agree, but Eliezer
always sorts out misunderstandings. Scott felt dizzy from arguing on an empty
stomach. Now he could kick back and relax. Heck, he might even crack open a
chilled diet Pepsi once Topher's gone home for the night.
"Bleep bleep bloop bloop it's Eliezer on Hangout!" sang the smart screen. All
heads turned toward Yudkowsky's rapidly buffering visage. On chat he looked
older, but wiser, compared to the photos in all the A.I. magazines.
"Hey Topher, glad I caught you. I tried everywhere else." Even through the
tinny imperfect speakers, Eliezer's ultimate truths shook the walls and
commanded unquestionable respect.
"Eliezer! Hello! It's so nice you're calling our home. Greetings!" What a
stroke of luck. Scott could settle this with big E himself before bedtime.
"Another theorem occurred to me after today's brunch. Hi Scott." Eliezer's
affect flattened and eyes rolled back as he fell into axiomatic trance.
"Democracy has bugs like computer programs. All computer programs are
mathematical functions. All functions have maxima and minima, but social
institutions are continuously differentiable with a positive-definite vanishing
spectral Laplacian. Therefore, solving an election is equilinear under ALL
intelligence norms! Q.E.D."
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