/ratanon/ - Rationalists Anonymous

Topher smoothly pulled back before chancing into Scott's personal space.

Handshakes spread unnecessary germs; everyone there knew it. "E thought I

should swing by, that you could help with my run for office."

The primary beamed. "Topher's going to be a senator, isn't that wonderful?"

Scott maybe commented on an Eliezer post months ago. He struggled to remember

the last time he was graced by his presence. Alas, they've both been so busy

laying down the foundations of the new thought. Perhaps this Topher is interrupting

Eliezer's important work.

"I'm not America's first rationalist democrat senator yet," Topher laughed,

flashing his perfect teeth and observably Duchenne smile. "Not until this

amazing guy teaches me all about computers, that is!"

Word gets around fast. Scott's technology skills are logically off the charts,

but that never meant he could teach just anyone computers. If Topher's

hereditary intelligence points are too low, he would never learn the best tech

tricks that a Senator would need in office. He'd be eaten alive. "Um, I was

about to have dinner."

Lunch was at noon and it was half past seven already. The powerful mind

steering Scott's rationality needed fuel. His sharp wit blurred, every

thought clouded by Topher taking his hot meat sub.

"Eliezer said I'm helping too, dear", the primary interrupted.

"My priors must be confused." Scott closed his eyes and rubbed his temples in

frustration. "You don't know computers." He hand-assembled every computer in

that apartment. Additionally there's the matter of gender. "There's no evidence."

"No, no, I'm traveling with him on the campaign trail. Maybe you can help set

up the cam," primary shrugged.

"You're leaving?" With Topher out of the picture, Eliezer would be back to his

old self in short order. There's no room for distractions in this business. Not

to mention, it'll be good to finally have some power in congress. "OK, I'll

keep an eye on my phone in case you have any decision theory problems."

"Don't worry about it, Topher is going to teach me."

"You know what, I'd sure like to teach Topher a thing or two!" Scott snarled.

"I'm blown away by your enthusiasm, Scott. I know I've found my man. Hand in

your two weeks notice and we'll get started next Monday. Thank you so much for

this." Topher clapped his hands in delight. Feinstein was finished.

Scott retreated to the barcalounger. He never meant to agree, but Eliezer

always sorts out misunderstandings. Scott felt dizzy from arguing on an empty

stomach. Now he could kick back and relax. Heck, he might even crack open a

chilled diet Pepsi once Topher's gone home for the night.

"Bleep bleep bloop bloop it's Eliezer on Hangout!" sang the smart screen. All

heads turned toward Yudkowsky's rapidly buffering visage. On chat he looked

older, but wiser, compared to the photos in all the A.I. magazines.

"Hey Topher, glad I caught you. I tried everywhere else." Even through the

tinny imperfect speakers, Eliezer's ultimate truths shook the walls and

commanded unquestionable respect.

"Eliezer! Hello! It's so nice you're calling our home. Greetings!" What a

stroke of luck. Scott could settle this with big E himself before bedtime.

"Another theorem occurred to me after today's brunch. Hi Scott." Eliezer's

affect flattened and eyes rolled back as he fell into axiomatic trance.

"Democracy has bugs like computer programs. All computer programs are

mathematical functions. All functions have maxima and minima, but social

institutions are continuously differentiable with a positive-definite vanishing

spectral Laplacian. Therefore, solving an election is equilinear under ALL

intelligence norms! Q.E.D."

The fugue left Eliezer weak and helpless. Gasping and wheezing, he

desperately fought to escape the death grip of advanced mathematics. He went

on, growling and clawing at the air for a few moments, then regained composure,

very eager to hear what Topher would have to say about his discovery.

Topher was on the verge of tears. "No more theorems, Eliezer! No more! It's

becoming too dangerous for you! Take a break, just for a few hours," he pleaded.

"Yes, I must rest. Also, Scott, you're pale. Double your dose. Eliezer out."

The screen faded back to Scotts stats.