/pen/ - A Place to Create and Critique

Nzolo, whats your say on my newest poetry?

Feedback on my poem?

Genuine

Give me the sweet green exception
of your genuine red affection
not the chalked up, blacked out alienation
far below our crowded white sunny sky sensation
where planes fly and our infatuation never dies
which where way above in the dark abyss
across the ocean of time, love is just a myth
I have to say hell no, fuck yes,
fathom the aesthetics from which you are blessed
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Hey, /pen/, im trying to write a sci-fi story based in the far future. I dont really want to go into what the story is about, but i plan to have it heavily based around internet messages and chats.

Normally when i write, its poetry (and pretty shitty free verse at that), and i have never written a full story before. How the hall do i make the online dialogue nice, and not super shitty? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Greetings!

I have something to share with you.
Would you mind giving this a quick glance and tell me what you think?
I hope creating a new thread for this was acceptable.

-

Dear Allies,

After World War I, you nurtured the young Soviet Union and tried to internally poison and destroy post-WWI-Germany, which ultimatively led to the events of World War II. When one single man, tried to relieve the world of the Jewish plague. To finally restore order and peace to all lesser men around the globe, which were and will now forever be, thanks to you, pawns in the games of the Jews, you decided to stand by Great Britannia and her Empire of lies, instead of doing what was good and what was righteous. You then proceeded to side with Stalin and destroy Nazi Germany, the last bastion of hope for the Occident. Roosevelt led by greed and fear of losing influence over South-East Asia put an embargo of steel and oil and Japan, leaving them no other option, but to join the war and tricking the American citizens into yet supporting another war. After war, you came to realize where you had done wrong. The Soviets had occupied Europe and the Jew gleefully rubbed their hands, sensing the great wealth that could be gained, from simply supporting both sides with weapons. Yet, did you learn? When the Iron Curtain fell, instead of offering a helping hand to the crushed Russians and establishing lasting peace, you smugly looked the other way, hurting their pride even more. Russia extending its claws again, is solely your fault. Instead of seeing the threat that China became to be, even more so today, you nurtured a deeply corrupted and perverted nation, traded with them, built them up. Well, you see were that led you to. Lets face it, by killing this man you doomed us all. Picture very related. Do not call it a grave, it is the future you chose. You are welcome.

-

Posted this on /pol/, first time writing poetry
pls no bully


the chaos of warring tribes
Came one great enemy to unitize
Each tribe held fast each tribe held firm
As great people weathered the storm
Of Roman armies marching forth
To face the might of a united north.
The Goth, German, Gaul, and Celt
Each of their blades the Roman felt
And as Europe's might descended forth
Great Rome fell before the North.

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(Will bump with pdf)

So I've had a scifi/fantasy conspiracy novel floating around in my head for years. Last January I penned this chapter to use as a prologue. There's not much action but I felt that it was better than the other introductions/chapter one's that I tried.

The scope of the novel ballooned significantly since I started writing it, though progress has been slow since I maybe have 20 mins. a day to work on it. The premise of the entire story is this:

> Journalist unknowingly stumbles upon a massive scandal involving private military corporations and elements of the CIA
> Journalist craves attention and recognition, but gets more than she bargained for when these things do come
> Initially publishes a rather mundane story on her blog which is picked up by other media and later, a photograph she posted (provided by her source) becomes the focus of much scrutiny because it purportedly shows a convicted murderer – who is supposed to be in a military prison – as an employee of the company
> Strange things start happening almost immediately, and the person who broke the story disappears. The journalist herself becomes increasingly paranoid; it becomes more and more obvious that she is being watched and followed (and this is a deliberate strategy from the agencies and corporations harassing her; a tactic called “bumper locking”); trying to cause extreme fear and paranoia, and eventually a mental breakdown
> Blackstarr PMC is gradually implicated in a massive corruption scandal and many of their nefarious activities are revealed. Reporters start disappearing and important bankers/financial industry people start dying mysteriously
> The government and military-industrial complex, along with big pharma, are gradually implicated as well; as it is revealed that Blackstarr's behind-the scenes criminal operations and its practice of securing convicted criminals to work in important positions are merely part of a network of CIA front groups

The twist:
In a "conspiracy within a conspiracy," Blackstarr and its employees are actually (unbeknownst to them) the victims of a much larger secret experimentation program; unwittingly helping to beta-test pharmaceuticals and technology for use in applications relating tPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Once upon a time there was an ugly duckling. The ugly duckling was very ugly, causing normal people to be grossed out, but they still made friends with the ugly duckling, they just didn't want to fuck it. So the ugly duckling got mad and turned into an SJW who complained about beauty standards and how it was truly the beautiful duckling. This ugly duckling had deluded itself, and in turn deluded many other impressionable ugly ducklings to believe that being an ugly duckling was the thing the be, and that if you didn't like ugly ducklings you were a sexist homophobic patriarchy pig. How dare you not use xers deluded pronouns to address it as the beautiful duckling that it really was, you ducking shitlord. Then one day the normal ducklings got tired of this bitches shit and popped a cap in her ugly duckling ass. And no, this bitch was not a swan, just a fat slob.

The End.

So I'm writing a novel of sorts, trying to shoot for 1500 to 2000 words per chapter. I'm trying to be subtle with the /pol/ themes, so a publisher won't be scared of it. The story is about a disgraced ex-reporter hearing from his friend who was murdered in Mexico, prompting him to go and investigate his murder, as well as the conspiracy he was going after.

The first two chapters are done, I was hoping for constructive crit?

Why hello thar, aspiring writers. I've spent the better part of my adult life writing short stories and such and finally got around to finishing my first novel last year. I'm hear to answer any questions you have on the gory reality of fiction writing.

You can read the beginning of said novel at: 112029.net
Some of my short fiction is available at: astropulp.blogspot.com

Fire away!

My post from a thread on /pol/, expanded a bit. It is on natural law and how the White race and other human races fit into that law, as well as the Creativity movement.

Here's a pastebin link, I don't have Office.

http://pastebin.com/40dr4gZG

It would be really helpful for parents if you could post moral stories..
So much of the kids books is about tolerance and non violence.


It would be helpful to have stories that encourage loyalty and tribalism. Stories that explain nat soc and the evils of usury (and feminism, etc etc). Sometimes violence has been historically necessary.



We need stories that encourage gender roles.

Stories that combat all modern brain washing. Stories (some) might even have broad appeal.


We need kids to be suspicious, especially of liberals/prove, non whites, gov tyranny…..

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Board owner here, I'm thinking of contacting the Daily Stormer and making them aware that this board exists, and it means we could potentially write articles for them if they like some of the work.
How would people feel about this?

Perhaps we could collaborate, and put our collective knowledge of the internet and general internet raid techniques into a piece of writing? After all, you all know how much leftists love referring to Alinsky's work. Why not have our own instruction manuals? I dare say we can not only gather a bunch of proper and useful old info, but even include the techniques we've pioneered.

Not a good writer? Not even a writer? Same here. Welcome to the club.

The truth is, it doesn't matter how "good" you are. Because even if you never write a publishable work, fiction is an invaluable tool for mental development and self-improvement.

(bumping with pdf)

By all means, save it into a word document. These long posts are provoked by a natural response in you to something, and the ideas that flow from you are, as is understandable, pure and natural. You are not sitting down and putting forward something contrived, you are not pulling intellectual straws in order to find some motivation to write something: it is precisely when you are goaded into writing a long post you are conscious of the fact that there is a character limit. You therefore have to restrict the grandeur of your reply, and you have to summarize a horde of thoughts into three or so paragraphs that fit this character limit. You have perhaps even become quite skilled at doing this: you have found yourself able to write stirring posts, utilizing just the correct image, just the correct formatting, with just the right message, and you have been quite pleased with yourself, having received positive replies from people who have enjoyed it.

But you are actually castrating yourself in a way that is destructive. Consider not abandoning the post after submitting it on one of the boards, but instead save it into a word document and, girded by your natural fervor to respond to whatever had provoked you, turn this post into an essay, a treatise, even a story.

So many of you actually do have very much to write about and say. It is not this that is troublesome, but it is solely unlocking your potential. Your potential must be unlocked through nature: trying to force a story when you have not been naturally inspired will lead to a decidedly unnatural tale that will likely be stilted and not live up to what you know you are capable of.

I propose therefore that you utilize your posts here as inspiration. You have no doubt become quite good at writing posts on the internet, and I am suggesting that you can turn these into longer works.

I guess this must be kind of a weird entry to /pen/, since a)the vast majority of you guys probably don't care about this subject, and b)it's not really an original work.

This is my unofficial translation of an official article on the racial purity of modern Greeks, written by a member of Golden Dawn and published on their newspaper and website. While they often publish lovely articles, I found this one is particular to be most interesting, not only for Greeks, but also for foreigners who question said purity using unintelligent "evidence".

It's my first try at translating anything. I didn't bother too much with edits, and so, normally, there should be a few grammatical errors in the text.


On a relevant note, I was thinking of translating this book that pretty much is Golden Dawn's "manifesto", written in 1997. Would you like to read something like that?


I'm sorry if this entry is not exactly /pen/ material.