i coudl have just done it right without acting crazy.
but i'm tired of "doing things right"
I don't want to be a messiah. i just want to be anonymous.
that's what i should have done.
maybe in my next life time.
maybe i'll get it right. i hope so
maybe in my next life time my nose wont be so large either. and wont look so dopey.
that's the only thing i hate in combination with being black.
otherwise i wouldn't mind.
but i guess anyone would hate having a nose that isn't perfect.
i can't make friends now.
they're all online
and they aren't really friends
they are just there for money.
cooking some rice.
i have to work.
step by step. i just have to get it done.
it's almost done.
i've made some really bad mistakes in the past.
i'm horrible.
i don't know what to believe out of life.
i really don't.
i just want my family back.
idk.
her family doesn't like me.
i need something.
i'm sick of doing this.
i didn't pass the test. i failed.
i'm weak. i get it. i failed. again and again.
maybe if i wasn't a victim of that cult. i'd be okay.
i would have been just as smart. without the cult extremism.
and obsessiveness.
obsessiveness… maybe i did need that though.
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