/blog/ - Your own personal blog

I am a 5'1" male, if you could even call me a man. I realize now that I have a steep uphill battle to fight with in the rest of the world, but I'm considering not fighting it and just relaxing in the shade at the bottom of the hill. The truth of the matter is that I will be less likely to get a job (I do have one despite this) get paid less, I'll be less likely to be promoted, viewed as less intelligent, and not sufficient to be as a leader. honestly as I type this out I care less and less about it. somethings must die and my name will just be another in an endless lust of people who didn't matter. I have to learn to deal with that. That and the crippling loneliness, but again none of my struggles matter. I will never be important and I have to accept that. The last thing I did not mention on my list of disadvantages is that I will disregarded by the opposite sex just because if my height.

All of this just because of something that is 60 to 80 percent genetic the rest being nutrition, but that is my mother's fault for being a dumb bitch his brought three kids in this world she couldn't take care of.

God fucking dammit. We're probably having another goddamn girl. My wife is a major fucking cunt. and while I can deal with her, and my two daughters are somewhat reasonable, even though they're nowhere near the cuntifying hormonal years yet.

All I fucking need is more goddamn estrogen around me. I'm probably gonna an hero. I can't stand these bitches already and another one on the way is just all I fucking need. We're going again in another month to make sure because the doctor wasn't sure. If it turns out this is another little mini cunt, somebody just come and fucking kill me

I want to kill myself but unironically. I wish there was some way I could do it without my family knowing but I realize that it would actually benefit them in the long run and initiate some much needed change in all of their lives, maybe for the worse at first but for the best in the end. I'm 20 but I really don't feel like seeing what's in it for me, I don't want to go on and I hardly have the energy or dignity to get up out of bed during the day and do much of anything besides watch anime or something. I don't know how I got to this point but I know I've felt this way for as far back as I can remember. I don't want to take any goddamn medication, I've read far too much on the permanent detrimental effects that could transpire, then again one could argue that if I want to kill myself then what's the harm anyway, but I still don't want to take them. My mom is sending me to another country where I have wealthy family with major connections to hopefully try to start again somewhere new, eventually go to college there and whatnot, but nothing has worked out so far and I'm dreading it just another massive disappointment. I'm going to try and expect nothing but I can't help but hope, I think it's in my nature. I've always had big dreams.

About three months ago, I was at Church. I wasn't really paying attention to the liturgy, I was just sort of thinking. Regrettably, I do this sometimes. I was raised a Catholic, I was taught the order of the Mass in a classroom setting, and on the vast majority of the Sundays of my life, I've gone to Church. I've thoroughly memorized the actions, the words, the prayers, and most of the common hymns, so it can all be kind of mindless to me if I'm not careful.

What I was thinking about was the nature of individuality, especially as it relates to my own life. I recognize radical individualism as the source of most of the world's problems today. People say, "Well why should the Church tell me I can't suck dicks? I'm not hurting anyone, am I?" People say, "Well why should these racists tell me I can't fuck niggers? I'm not hurting anyone, am I?" These people reject the notion that they could ever have any responsibilities to any social unit higher than the individual, so they do whatever they want, completely heedless of the damage they're causing to society. I'm not saying Chinese hive-mind collectivism is the answer here, I'm just saying that individualism has gotten out of hand. People take it to radical extremes.

Yet, despite my realization of this, I'm something of a radical individual myself. I go to work and barely talk to anyone, I go to the store and avoid people's eyes, and at the end of every Mass I speed-walk out of the Church without a word to anyone. Not even to the priest, who is always waiting outside the door to shake your hand and talk to you if you want him to. At the end of every day, I come to nothing. I come home to nobody. I barely even call my parents anymore. I don't talk to my siblings at all outside of Christmas. I can't remember the last time I looked at someone I somewhat knew and decided I'd like to be better friends with that person. I can't remember the last time I looked at a woman and decided I'd like to get to know her. If I forget to talk to myself, I'll go so long without speaking that my lips feel stuck together. Even on 8chan, I feel like there's something about my posts that makes them stick out. Like I don't fit in with all the other Anonymouses somehow. As though, despite the fact that I've spent the better part of the past decade on imageboards, there's still something abouPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

just gonna use this to type some cringe word spaghetti about my inconsequential life

lost a lot of weight recently, 40 pounds over the last few months. my bmi is now in the "overweight" category. i dont feel any different. i dont even know why im still doing it. i guess im tired of being alone and i know my weight is a big problem but how will this get me a bf/gf? i cant talk to people, i dont want to talk to people i dont even want to look at people. the closest person in my life is a guy who added me from the cuteboys map last july. i have no interpersonal relationships of value irl. my family is a mess. i just want to cry and have someone there who built a life with me, so i could be there for them too when they're weak, but no one is even in my life to have a casual talk about the aesthetics that buying a mahogany wardrobe adds to a bedroom (weird fucking example but it's what i thought of for nonchalant chitchat). i remember in december of 2017 i had a panic attack i think. i didnt know it was a panic attack at the time but my roommate was gone so i had the room to myself and i fucking freaked out. 8 hours of sobbing and hitting my head on the bed frame and tearing open parts of my leg. then i fell asleep and when i woke up part of me was gone permanently. i dont cry anymore, i dont really feel hardly as much about anything anymore. if you think this post is whiny bitch mode garbage(it is) you should see what i used to write. idk one of these days i'll get around to trying suspension hanging, i've thought about it but even just thinking about confronting death still makes me shudder. i need a more immediate way like a gun so i can do it on impulse randomly one day.

>parents have set me up to see a guy who will either send me back to college or into wagecuckery

What do?

I dreamt I had a foreskin

The dude in this picture has the same body type and hairstyle as my neighbor who just got into his freshman year of college.He also has a younger brother in 6th grade and always carries around a book bag with him.Maybe I’m over thinking this,but I’m seeing a lot of similarities

The last five days.

Today I downloaded Thunderbird. I ain't having any more shit from shitty webmails anymore, especially Terra's.

>it's thanksgiving tomorrow

Nobody tells me shit.

Sup. Just shitting up this board here.

I fucking hate this shit.

I fucking hate this feeling, of numb pain. My head feels numb, like i have a dull pain going on there. I find it hard to think. I find it al ittle difficult to read too. I don't really feel like getting up either, and all I can really find myself doing is mindlessly watching shitty streams and shit on YouTube, accelerating my brain rot.

I want this shit to stop,

This morning i drank water.

Q… You said, Moon Landings are real, Consider the vastness of space. You quoted the Bible on many occasions. Yet you endorse things like space? Why would you contradict the very Bible you quote from? Do you think we are idiots? Tell the damn truth. Earth is flat. The Govt is planning a fake alien invasion. California wildfires were a result of DEW deployment. WTH Q? Why are you ignoring the foundational truths? Why are you spreading disinfo? Are you a good guy or an evil agent of doom? We need to know. Also this JFK JR STUFF. Is he alive or not? Quit treating us like we are just fish chasing bait.

I took a poo today.