In the sweltering swamp state of Florida, Sheriff Shitwood ruled like a greasy-fingered king. With mirrored sunglasses, a gut full of barbecue, and a badge he treated more like a threat than an honor, Shitwood had long since traded justice for kickbacks and fear.
But one day, his kingdom was disrupted—not by cartels or moonshiners—but by something far more chaotic: 4chan.
It started when someone posted a meme of Shitwood asleep in his cruiser, half a Slim Jim dangling from his lip, with the caption: *“Florida Man or Florida Ham?”* It went viral faster than a gator on bath salts. Overnight, his inbox flooded with prank calls, drone drops of adult toys onto his roof, and photoshopped billboards of him cuddling Bigfoot.
Furious, Shitwood vowed revenge. “I’ll bring down that whole dang internet den of misfits,” he snarled to his deputies. He filed bogus warrants, raided local libraries (because “that’s where the hackers hang out”), and even tried to sue “Mr. 4chan.”
But the Chans weren’t done.
They doxed him—revealing years of corruption, including taxpayer-funded trips to “massage” parlors, a secret OnlyFans account where he cosplayed as a Civil War general, and photos of him weeping while watching *The Notebook*.
Then came the final blow: an AI-generated deepfake of Shitwood confessing to being the Zodiac Killer. It aired during the morning news, sending the state into a tailspin.
Cornered and disgraced, Shitwood tried to escape via airboat in the dead of night—but in true Florida fashion, karma had a sense of humor. He hit a submerged manatee, flipped the boat, and was last seen clinging to a cooler of Bud Light, screaming, “I’ll get you nerds!”
His body was never found—only his hat, a soggy Slim Jim, and a note taped to a mangrove tree: *“We are Anonymous. We do not forget. Especially Florida.”*
And so ended the reign of Sheriff Shitwood—out-memed, outsmarted, and ultimately out-swamped.