>>415312
That morning, despite being terribly drunk the night before, I felt absolutely no hangover. On the contrary, I felt better than I had ever felt in my life. It was like I had been carrying a heavy weight for so long that I had forgotten I was holding it, and then suddenly dropped it, and felt weightless. The next day, however, I felt worse than I ever have in my life, like a part of myself had been wrapped up so tight all the blood circulation had halted and it had gone totally numb, and then was suddenly set lose again, and the feeling quickly returned, starting with pain. The part of my brain that had been suppressing these thoughts was gone, but instead it was like in its place was a mental shock. I didn't know what to do with the thought. I didn't know how to be bi, or pan, or whatever the fuck I am, I'm still trying to figure that out, but without that mental block in my brain, I started to notice more than the clean-shaven femboys my brain's mental gymnastics could twist into convincing myself was a trap. Just the other day at work, I saw a surfer-dude looking guy with well toned muscles, dirty blond hair, a soul patch, and a dark farmer's tan and found myself checking out his ass through his jeans as he walked past. He wasn't even cute, he was hot. The day prior there was a tall dude, kinda thin but average, in a tank top and sweat pants, and he walked into the store and then popped his hips to rest his hand and look at something in the store, and I found myself enjoying the way his hips swayed and his sweat pants framed his ass. These are all entirely alien thoughts to me, like some foreign entity is drawing my wandering eye to things beyond my control or understanding, and this is the first time I've just rolled with it.
Now, the guilt, shame, and instant subconscious suppression has been replaced with a constant, sickening doubt. It feels much like you describe. What if I'm just a kiss-less virgin whose snapped? What if I'm just a retarded autistic neet and everyone really does have the same kind of thoughts as me but are just more socially adjusted so they can process them? Maybe it's just a kink? But then I close my eyes and I can picture going over to my friend's place for movie night and introducing them to my boyfriend as we Post too long. Click here to view the full text.
